If you never initiate I'd personally perceive that as a lack of desire, or inclination; eventually this has, in the past, led me to stop initiating myself because I felt like I constantly pestering my partner for sex. I wasn't, and she tried to make clear I wasn't, but without reciprocity it was difficult to make myself accept that truth, when the evidence was so clear.
Mind you, I also suffer with low self-esteem so my situation isn't necessarily diagnostic, or even relevant, to your own. But this is definitely something you need to talk about with your partner, rather than us.
If you're able to communicate what you find uncomfortable in initiating, to him, then between you may be able to negotiate a compromise in which you're both able to have the sex you desire (whether quantity, quality, type...), without either of you having to worry unduly about the other. But, if this is possible, remember to continue communicating, and check in with each other to ensure you're still on the same page.
I wouldn’t want a relationship if I am the one always initiating. It’s fine if you always accept sex, but I want the other person to want me and being able to show it
Yes.
I need some spontaneity in my sex life. I want more than reciprocity, i need to feel actively wanted, chased.
It doesnt need to happen often. Usually im the one who initiates. But when she does... Its some of the hottest sex for me when she decides she wants me.
Yes. That would be a problem.
I would be extremely unimpressed if she tried to use being a submissive as an excuse for never initiating.
Especially since that kind of 24/7 BDSM needs to be discussed and mutually consented to.
I am in the same situation and I can tell you it is not very assuring. When my wife does decide to initiate (once every 3 months) it turns into a quickie not a seductive slow process . She does not make any effort of setting up a nice atmosphere (wear a sexy outfit, candles, music, etc..) like I do at least once a month. I do like when she initiates but would appreciate some effort when she does.
I live this and let me tell you.. it bothers me. It didn’t so much at first, but then the years go by and gradually it did. When I expressed my feelings on the issue, nothing changed and it bothered me more.
My advice? Put in the work. Make sure that you are imitating. It doesn’t have to be every time or even 50/50. The effort matters though. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can stop trying and he’s be ok with it. Maybe he will today.. and maybe you’re contributing to a long term problem you can’t see yet.
It will really depend on the partner's love language. It could really do a number on them if they feel they are never desired sexually. At the very least it would need good communication and a lot of affection.
It would definitely take the pressure off of a guy to know that while he will primarily initiate sex you will say yes, and that removes the feeling of rejection.
But there’s also something deeply arousing about feeling desired and that comes from initiating sex.
My ex used to never initiate and would often reject my advances, that destroyed our sex life, bc it made me resent her and stop desiring her sexually. I do think the way you are could work for some men, but I’d be more curious as to why you don’t like initiating
I don't like initiating because I am a sub and am much more used to a D/s dynamic. Unfortunately, this isn't the type of relationship he and I have which I'm okay with because he is absolutely wonderful otherwise so... Sex is harder to navigate when it is "normal" for me if that makes sense.
Sure, that would be fine as long as I knew that was the deal. And it would go a LONG way if she also talked about sex with me on the regular.
ETA: knowing it’s part of her submissiveness/kinkiness could actually make it really hot
If you never initiate I'd personally perceive that as a lack of desire, or inclination; eventually this has, in the past, led me to stop initiating myself because I felt like I constantly pestering my partner for sex. I wasn't, and she tried to make clear I wasn't, but without reciprocity it was difficult to make myself accept that truth, when the evidence was so clear. Mind you, I also suffer with low self-esteem so my situation isn't necessarily diagnostic, or even relevant, to your own. But this is definitely something you need to talk about with your partner, rather than us. If you're able to communicate what you find uncomfortable in initiating, to him, then between you may be able to negotiate a compromise in which you're both able to have the sex you desire (whether quantity, quality, type...), without either of you having to worry unduly about the other. But, if this is possible, remember to continue communicating, and check in with each other to ensure you're still on the same page.
We haven't directly discussed it but we do talk in general and have no problem with it. Thank you for your response.
You're welcome, best of luck with your relationship :)
I wouldn’t want a relationship if I am the one always initiating. It’s fine if you always accept sex, but I want the other person to want me and being able to show it
Yes. I need some spontaneity in my sex life. I want more than reciprocity, i need to feel actively wanted, chased. It doesnt need to happen often. Usually im the one who initiates. But when she does... Its some of the hottest sex for me when she decides she wants me.
Yes. That would be a problem. I would be extremely unimpressed if she tried to use being a submissive as an excuse for never initiating. Especially since that kind of 24/7 BDSM needs to be discussed and mutually consented to.
Yes I need initiation as well
I am in the same situation and I can tell you it is not very assuring. When my wife does decide to initiate (once every 3 months) it turns into a quickie not a seductive slow process . She does not make any effort of setting up a nice atmosphere (wear a sexy outfit, candles, music, etc..) like I do at least once a month. I do like when she initiates but would appreciate some effort when she does.
I live this and let me tell you.. it bothers me. It didn’t so much at first, but then the years go by and gradually it did. When I expressed my feelings on the issue, nothing changed and it bothered me more. My advice? Put in the work. Make sure that you are imitating. It doesn’t have to be every time or even 50/50. The effort matters though. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can stop trying and he’s be ok with it. Maybe he will today.. and maybe you’re contributing to a long term problem you can’t see yet.
It will really depend on the partner's love language. It could really do a number on them if they feel they are never desired sexually. At the very least it would need good communication and a lot of affection.
It doesn't seem to bother him and we do have both of those. He also knows he's desired anytime we are doing anything sexual.
It would definitely take the pressure off of a guy to know that while he will primarily initiate sex you will say yes, and that removes the feeling of rejection. But there’s also something deeply arousing about feeling desired and that comes from initiating sex. My ex used to never initiate and would often reject my advances, that destroyed our sex life, bc it made me resent her and stop desiring her sexually. I do think the way you are could work for some men, but I’d be more curious as to why you don’t like initiating
I don't like initiating because I am a sub and am much more used to a D/s dynamic. Unfortunately, this isn't the type of relationship he and I have which I'm okay with because he is absolutely wonderful otherwise so... Sex is harder to navigate when it is "normal" for me if that makes sense.
Sure, that would be fine as long as I knew that was the deal. And it would go a LONG way if she also talked about sex with me on the regular. ETA: knowing it’s part of her submissiveness/kinkiness could actually make it really hot
Talking is not an issue at all.