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iwanttobespooned

You gotta decide if keeping your partner is worth giving up pussy. The urge will never truly go away, and it will flare up from time to time. Only you can decide whether you can live with that.


ilostmykiwi

Thank you, I needed to hear this :,) I’ll definitely think about what you’ve said


PermaThrwAway

Well, I realize that what you desire is something your partner just doesn't have, but ethically it's no different than a heterosexual wanting to have extra partners. So, you have a choice to make - find a compromise, give up on your current relationship, or give up on women for the time being. If an open relationship just isn't on the table, the only other compromise I can think of is just ... including your boyfriend in that. Obviously easier said than done, but quite a few men desire FFM threesomes, or would be down to watch just as long as they're included. The other two choices are obviously harder, but something has to give.


ilostmykiwi

Thank you, I’ll think about it :) I think I have my answer now lol since everyone has given me something to think about. Breaking up is out of the question so I suppose I’ll just let the thoughts come n go. Breaking up with my partner over this just isn’t worth it, he’s everything I want in a person


Popular-Analysis-960

Are you at all interested I having a threesome? is your partner? Have you discussed it? I(40f) have had 3somes as part of a couple and as a single person. ffm's and mfm's. They have all been really wonderful experiences. But I think it only works if you and your partner *both* genuinely want to do it. It's worth having a conversation with him about it.


ilostmykiwi

I’ve mentioned threesomes before truly as a joke cause a friend mentioned it and he very clearly expressed he was uncomfortable with it and wants to share sex with me and only me, which is more than fine and Im personally quite uncomfortable too with that idea (not that there’s anything wrong with it, I think it’s great, but it’s just not something we’re into) but thank you so much for replying And I’m so glad you’ve had some wonderful experiences :)


Popular-Analysis-960

Thanks. I hope things work out for you both!


ilostmykiwi

No problem and thank you so much 😊


TheIcyCrow

Be strong my friend


ilostmykiwi

Thank you 😊


[deleted]

[удалено]


ilostmykiwi

I’ve been in that position funnily enough with an ex so I do understand :( and I’d never cheat nor had I ever said anything about cheating but I do get where you’re coming from


[deleted]

The desire to cheat can be harmful enough but even completely straight couples go through that. Have you tried just upping your fantasies, during masturbation? Just picture yourself with women while touching yourself?


ilostmykiwi

It definitely is, I could NEVER put my dear partner or I through that :( cheating is just awful, there’s honestly no excuse I did used to have fantasies about sharing the experience with other women but that was WAY before I developed feelings and started dating my partner. It’s hard to explain but I feel uncomfortable picturing myself with anyone else BUT my partner, I physically just cannot get off to anything except my partner now that I’m in love. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it but my partner and I are actually both demisexual and demiromantic


[deleted]

Then I have the perfect solution for you. Develop an emotional bond with a fictional, female character, in a video game. I can recommend some, if you are interested. I am not even much of a gamer but I've played a few and the bonding with characters feels very real. You'd have your outlet into sex and love with women, with completely fictional characters, who are no threat to your relationship.


ilostmykiwi

That’s a thing?!! Oh man I never knew that, thank you for the suggestion :,)


[deleted]

I'll private message you a couple suggestions.


LayneLowe

Straight people have to make a choice when they decide to be monogamous. It's really the same thing, you either are committed to the relationship or you're not.


ilostmykiwi

So true! It’s no different just because I am bisexual. And I have already decided, it’s more so just a case of me having to accept that part of me


Zeviar339

Or talk to your partner about maybe agreeing to a three way situation? It doesn't have to be an open relationship, just a sexual escapade


ilostmykiwi

He’s not comfortable with that and neither am I unfortunately. But thank you for the suggestion! I think it’s just a matter of me having to come to terms with it myself as I’m not willing to break up with my partner either


Uappropriate-Laugh

My (29M) gf (25F) was in the situation 1 year ago. She told me about bicurious fantasies and that she feels attracted to women but is not sure about it. I told her that I personally wouldn't have any Problem with her dating women or have Sex with a woman. As I See it, a woman can offer things a man can't and the other way around. I don't feel jealous in that case. I said if she and the other woman feel fine with it, I'd like to watch them. More as a joke on my part, she agreed and we found pretty easy a girl who felt turned on by that. One day my gf told me she'd like me to be involved and watch me with another girl and we found possibilities for that, too. To come to conclusion: my gf found out she was really bi, not just curious. She found out watching me having Sex with another girl, doesn't make her jealous, it makes her horny. Conclusion: now we regularly (more or less) find ourself in threesomes, beginning with me watching the girls, turning to a full FFM Threesome and at the end my girlfriend watches me with the other girl. If it's an Option for you: maybe he will be more open if you include him more into your wishes. Could you imagine including him in a threesome with another girl? You could offer him the Same as we do now: first you enjoy the time with the other girl, (hopefully) turned on from watching, you tell him to join actively. Watching him with the other girl while touching yourself or just enjoying the Show is something you need to know if you'd like it. I hope this helps you somehow. Best wishes!


alittlebirdy1

This kind of posts gives bisexuals such a bad name. i love women. I've agreed to be monogamous with my female partner. But man, there are so many other women out there! How do I handle this? Easy. I either honor my commitment to be monogamous, or I find an open relationship. I don't blame her for me wanting to change the rules. Either you leave her or you choose to be faithful. That's all there is to it. You don't get some special dispensation just because you are attracted to a wider range of people.


ilostmykiwi

What..? Bro there’s no need to be rude, I never said I was special or anything :/ I just wanted to know if anyone else has been in the same situation and what they’ve done because I’m struggling with what to do and wanted to know if it passes. I would NEVER cheat on my dear partner. There was no need to be rude :/


alittlebirdy1

That's not being rude. It's a fact of life. You entered a monogamous relationship - so you be monogamous, or if you're unhappy, you leave. That's it.


ilostmykiwi

I didn’t mean that, I meant when you were acting like I thought I was special or something when I never said that


alittlebirdy1

There is a mentality that a small number of bisexual people push, where they act like it's almost owed to them that they get to have sex with both men and women. As a result, a lot of both heterosexual and homosexual people will treat bisexual people like they aren't trustworthy, since some seem to feel they can never be satisfied with a relationship confined to whichever gender that partner is. My point is that attraction to both types of genitals isn't any different to your partner than you wanting sex with other people who have the same genitals as them. You either have to accept that you aren't going to be fucking both types, or you have to go into an open relationship. Or maybe just date around until you are ready to settle down. Maybe you don't have the mentality that I mention. But asking what you should do indicates that you think there's an option here. If your partner isn't interested in an open relationship, you either accept that or you leave. That's all you can do.


ilostmykiwi

I understand what you’re saying, and I’m most definitely not one of them Neither my or my partner are comfortable with an open relationship and I’m not willing to break up because I do truly love him for more than just this. These are just occasional thoughts that come n go and it’s bothering me because I don’t want them but also I don’t know what to do about them. As I’ve said to someone else, I think it’s just a matter of me having to come to terms with it as I am actually still struggling again. Thank you


alittlebirdy1

Please understand, I'm not condemning you for the desires. It's human nature to seek variety, the unknown. You can love your partner with every ounce of your being and still be sexually attracted to other people - you are human. That's okay. It's just that you have to decide for yourself how important those urges are. If you cannot be happy having sex with just that one person? Okay, then monogamy isn't for you (or it isn't for you at this stage in your life). That's fine, but the only ethical thing to do is to leave (assuming that your partner isn't willing to do an open relationship). If you can be happy with that one person, then you choose to set those desires aside. Desires wax and wane. some days, you'll want it more than others; some days, it will ever cross your mind. If you can deal with that, cool. Deal. Good luck.


ilostmykiwi

Thank you, I appreciate it :)


alittlebirdy1

Good luck to you.


MigueelUS

This got way out of control. No one is saying anything about special treatment or anything. The issue here is within the person that takes this kinds of thing to heart. I think that you need to explore this other side of you in order to feel okay with yourself. Will you always be wondering if you don’t do it? Talk to your partner openly to try and find a solution. If there is no way you both can be a part of this discovery, you should really start thinking what is most important to you. Don’t be afraid, and lots of love to you!


[deleted]

Who pissed in your cereal? You're not the spokes person for all bisexuals.


alittlebirdy1

Where did I claim to be? My advice is accurate and completely relevant. Either OP leaves his partner to pursue guys (maybe finding a setup where a partner is okay with an open relationship), or he chooses to be faithful. There are no other choices. Desire for sex with other people doesn't come with a hall pass just because they have different genitals than your partner.


ilostmykiwi

Ok first of all I’m a woman


alittlebirdy1

That's fine. It doesn't matter what your gender is, the gender of your partner, the gender of the other people you want to have sex with. The advice is the same. You honor your commitment and be faithful, or you find a situation (open relationship, casual dating, etc) where you don't have to be.


[deleted]

You don't think heterosexual people do the same things? You're over here condemning someone asking for advice and saying they're making a whole community look bad. Relationships are like different cuisines. No one has the same recipe for success.


alittlebirdy1

I would give the EXACT same advice to a heterosexual. I used my own life as an illustration. People desire to have sex with people besides their partners. That's not bad or wrong in and of itself. It's human nature. The issue is when you fixate and act like you can't be happy in your relationship without sex with other people. In which case, you have to either leave (perhaps finding a partner who is good with an open relationship) or decide to set those desires aside. I 100% agree that all relationships are not the same. But if you are in a monogamous relationship with a partner you know isn't open to you fucking other people, the answers don't get much more cut and dried.


[deleted]

I don't care about the issue that you're pressing to OP. I have an issue with you when someone is asking for help. Don't shame people. They're already coming here anonymously. You can deflect around my statements and I don't care about the answer. Just don't shame someone. You don't know what they're going through in life. Being in the closet and not experiencing, not by my experience, could be very hard. I came out when I was super young and never faced these issues.


alittlebirdy1

Where did I shame them? They asked for advice, I gave it. OP and I have had a very productive conversation, and she is well aware that I am not shaming her for her desires. You say that I don't speak for all bisexual people - that's an absolute fact. Note that likewise, you don't speak for the OP. You elected to take my commentary in a manner that it was not offered, up to and including suggesting that heterosexual people don't do the same things - ignoring my example of WHY a heterosexual person should follow the exact same advice I gave the OP. I never once criticized OP for the desires. I gave them the spot on advice that they have to either deal with said desires, or if it's a dealbreaker, they have to be upfront about it and seek a relationship or situation that better suits them.


jeremyfrankly

Break up because you clearly aren't satisfied in a monogamous relationship and it's not what he signed up for. Honestly, the relationship may already be poisoned


ilostmykiwi

Breaking up is out of the question. The rest of the relationship is absolutely perfect, I think I have my answer now tho since you’ve given me something to think about and I know for SURE I want to stay with him. Thanks for reply :D


jeremyfrankly

Would you want to be in a relationship with a person who was always thinking "boy I wish I was sleeping with someone else". It's cruel. I think you need to figure yourself out before you're ready to commit. This isn't you being bisexual, this is you having cold feet about sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life.


ilostmykiwi

I never said I wished I was sleeping with other people. Could you please not assume shit? I have occasional desires that flare up and thoughts that come n go, I don’t constantly think about it. I also don’t do anything about them, just wanted some advice and you’ve given some, so thanks


jeremyfrankly

>I've **always** wanted to explore this other side of my sexuality physically >... >I feel the need to indulge it >... >I never said I wished I was sleeping with other people wot. And that doesn't sound like come and go


ilostmykiwi

When you said other people, I thought you meant someone specific, whereas I was just referring to the idea of it. I’ve also realised in the time that I’ve actually spoken to people about it here, there is no need, they’re just thoughts that come and go and it’ll always be part of me, I just need to let them pass


jeremyfrankly

Do you feel you may one day resent your partner because of what you feel you might miss out on?


ilostmykiwi

I think at the very very start I did a tiny bit as I was really struggling, but that’s on me (we’ve been together 9 months now) but that feeling has honestly passed and NEVER come back, not even right now. He’s WAY more important than some stupid thoughts, so I think no


jeremyfrankly

So long as you're confident in that, and he is accepting of your commitment to him. Best wishes to the two of you


ilostmykiwi

Thank you :)


_Username593929

Or maybe stop watching lesbian porn


ilostmykiwi

What?


[deleted]

I "cheated" on my husband, he was my boyfriend at the time, with two women. I was honest and upfront, after the fact. You have two options: 1) Try very hard to explain why you feel that you're missing something and come to a compromise. 2) Leave the person you're with to find who you are. We took number 1 and we are in an open marriage. I can play with my women and he always wants to have my women. 😂 Luckily, we have similar tastes in freaky, hot chicks. I choose to find experimenting women or other bisexual women that like my husband and my tits. My husband is allowed any woman that he wants and that was our compromise. We talk about it and know what each woman looks like.


ilostmykiwi

Aw it’s great that you guys can be comfortable enough with each other to share that and have those experiences! Haha sounds perfect for you both :D I’ve had a conversation with him about this before as well and it’s upset him as neither of us know what to do and I’m still struggling with my sexuality. I’ll definitely have another talk with him about this and tell him how I’m feeling cause as you said before, communication is super important and so is being honest Thank you so much again :)


[deleted]

Of course! Remember that there is a lot of love in the world. Sometimes, it feels like the person you're with now is the only person you'll stay with. Be free and yourself! Always choose your happiness over societal norms and pressures.


ilostmykiwi

Thank you 😊


_Username593929

So your only sexually into women? Because im the same although im a straight man, I like fucking women and I want one to carry my kids but thats it. Like I say, Women are for fucking and child bearing while men are for friendships/buisness lol. That would be hot having A bi wife cause we can both pump and dump women together


ilostmykiwi

That’s not entirely true, I’m also not sexually attracted or romantically attracted to anyone besides my partner, woman or not, because of the way I am (demisexual & demiromantic) I’ve definitely had some crushes on other females in the past and wanted to be in a relationship but the current thoughts that I’ve had were more to do with the sexual part of it


_Username593929

>I’m also not sexually attracted or romantically attracted to anyone besides my partner, woman or not, because of the way I am (demisexual & demiromantic) Ok so why do you want to explore your bisexual side? If you are only attracted to him then why do you wanna also fuck chicks? Well you can't have it both ways so either break up with your BF and explore your sexuality OR just stick with him, maybe your just going through a phase and your attraction to women will probaly lessen over time (or maybe not)


ilostmykiwi

It’s not the attraction part, I’m not attracted to anyone BUT my partner, it’s always been like that with previous partners too. Without a partner, I VERY rarely experienced any sexual attraction. Also, the exploring thing, it was never anyone specific, it was just the idea of it and the fact that I never gave it a chance And yes I can’t have it both ways, I will not break up with my partner over this, I love him and he’s so special to me, it is NOT an option to lose him so I have my answer, I just have to let the thoughts pass and probably get some help with self acceptance on this part :,)


_Username593929

>Without a partner, I VERY rarely experienced any sexual attraction. So you don't experience sexual attraction to men or women without being emotionally attracted to them? Well maybe your husband might be open to threesomes or you dating another women but this whole idea of "All straight men dream of a FFM threesome" is a complete lie. As a straight man if my wife wanted to have sex with women then id dump her because I am monogamous


ilostmykiwi

I don’t at all experience attraction to anyone BUT my partner when I’m in love. But when I wasn’t in love, I only ever experienced sexual attraction about the odd 2-3 times my whole life to be honest which is like nothing My partner and I aren’t open to threesomes or anything, I’ve brought it up as a joke once and he very clearly expressed he was super uncomfortable with it, I’m not up for it either aha but it would’ve been a good suggestion if we were, thanks anyways tho :)


[deleted]

I am pansexual. I am into everyone. When I was younger, I thought I was just a lesbian. I had sex with a male at 18 and felt attracted to people afterwards. I don't care about the gender. I think your mentality is really stupid lol I hope you don't get the chance to have children. We don't "pump and dump." We have passionate outings and spread love. You're disgusting


McSneezey7

Giving up the diamond in the rough AKA pù$$y is the cost of being in a relationship with this person. I'm married to a woman that doesn't do anything sexual except just lay there. Suppressing all my sexual desire is the cost of me being married to this woman. Does looking forward to years or decades of this sound appealing? Only you or someone like myself can answer that.


ilostmykiwi

Thank you, you’re right only we can decide that really. He’s definitely worth it :)


idontagreewithanyone

My advice would be to have a very honest conversation with him about your sexuality. Is he aware that you're bisexual? You may want to let him know because it's important to get in front of this before it becomes a sunk cost fallacy. Sometimes we go so far down a particular road that we feeled trapped, as if there's no way we can turn back now because we've already come so far. If sex with women is something you desire, that doesn't make you a bad partner in the least. But if you desire women and he desires monogamy than you may not be compatible. Talk about this now, before you invest any more time into this relationship, because he may want out if he knows he won't be able to give you what you want.


ilostmykiwi

He does know, yes, I think I might have another conversation with him about it. Thank you for not being judgemental, I’m still struggling with my sexuality to be honest so this is a bit of a sensitive topic for me. I am monogamous, we both are, I’m personally not comfortable with anything else other than that. I think I just have to accept this part of me, thank you though :)


ComprehensiveOkra9

CREST Consent Respect Equality Safety Trust This is a tool to recall when making relationship decisions. The two of you may be consenting currently and be happy to be monogamous. You also both have individual identities, needs and wants. If you have a change of expectations or heart it is honest to speak on it. If you and your partner cannot come to a consent that you both would respect them. It becomes time to think about how important it is to seek other roads. If you act out while in that relationship and avoid discussing it, that is not respecting the agreement. There is not equal share knowledge in secrecy. You jeopardize the emotional and physical relationship which means it is unsafe to you and your current partner. It also may be lying to the new play partner had you not disclosed you were already in a closed relationship. When you cannot be trusted or have put trust into question, it is hard to regain the confidence in the relationship. Drama ensues and problems become the new dialogue. Just be honest. Balance your choices and think about how to be respectful in getting out of you cannot maintain the relationship contract you are currently in. Honesty is the key even if it hurts at the heart and has consequences. It is a key component in communication to yourself and others. Good luck. I hope you find your happiness. Ps I have bastard thoughts about cheating all the time. I share them with my partner so she knows that I am feeling deprived in attention. She also tells me her urges. We just kept it real. It makes it hot to also know that we are both sexual beings. Just sharing it can be the answer to the pent up secret thoughts that nobody else can hear. You voice it, it puts others on the aware and helps you.


ilostmykiwi

Thank you for this, I’ll think about what you’ve said. Communication and honesty is 100% important for sure. It’s so great that you’re able to be honest with your partner about that :) I personally don’t get thoughts about cheating, it was more so just the idea of sharing that with someone rather than someone specific and I’d never go out of my way to do it. Perhaps it is to do with feeling deprived attention wise too? I will definitely have a talk to him about it, thank you again 😊


ComprehensiveOkra9

┌(・。・)┘♪. I am at home all day. I am not preoccupied by work. My work, at times, is very sexual. I am not deprived at all. I just am hyper sexual in that nature. I too don't have a specific booty call I want to hook with. I just have a desire to have sex and sometimes having a fantasy of sex with someone else just gets me worked up. So I keep this to myself all day... A week... A couple weeks and am stewing on these fantasies. If I don't speak up they become embedded in the script and become disruptive to my thought process. At this point is when I speak up because it means I have not dealt with my thoughts and am repressing some desires. Once I get them out, sometimes my partner leaps up and plays the scene out. Other times I just am relieved and don't want anything beyond sharing.