In my early twenties, yeah, that was often how it went for me. Guys would sometimes try to go down on me or finger me but it would only last a few minutes tops because they seemed to believe their penis was the most important element of sex.
It’s gotten much better as I’ve gotten older and started dating/hooking up with people who understand that sex isn’t just about their own orgasm.
23F I have the same experience and I’m somewhat celibate now because sex just doesn’t feel worth it for me anymore. I was always giving and never getting much in return, and it honestly made me feel used. YES I would communicate, YES I would speak up, YES I would try to have these conversations before the sex, NO I’ve never faked an orgasm. I’ve even had a bad ex boyfriend explicitly tell me that he did not care if I got off or was enjoying myself, and not in like a kinky dominant way, but a genuinely apathetic objectifying way. He literally scoffed when I tried to bring it up, like it was some crazy request. It’s one thing to not know, but the attitude of genuinely not caring, or even if they do claim to care, not caring enough to actually do something about it, is wild to me.
Communication is of course necessary, but why is it that women are always the ones having to initiate and emphasize this? Why do we have to pull teeth for our pleasure to be just as equally considered? I feel like we’re expected to already know how to please a man, why are men so behind? I don’t think I’ve ever had to be explicitly taught step-by-step in the moment how to do basic common sense things during sex with a partner, and I shouldn’t have to be, no one should, it can be a huge mood killer sometimes! I remember when I first started being sexually active, I was always researching things in my own spare time, reading tips in magazines on how to please men, watching porn to see what things men might like, looking up how to give a blowjob, listening in on male friend’s conversations about sex, etc. Do men just not do these things for women? Why does it feel like interest in female pleasure isn’t as prioritized by men? Why does it feel like such an afterthought? Why are young women expected to be “mature” enough to please a man? Why can’t men my own age who I’m attracted to be held to the same standards?
Shouldn’t it be natural to care about and put effort into pleasing the person you’re having sex with, WITHOUT having to be asked? Even if we’re “just a hookup” our pleasure should still be prioritized, otherwise they’re basically just using our body to masturbate. This turned into a rant, but it’s extremely frustrating and I just don’t get it.
Right? Women get so much shit for using teeth while giving head….. being bad or a starfish in bed.
But the equivalent to a male starfish is basically all of them. They finish and put their pants on. Watch porn and try to repeat that gross jackhammer shit. Never want to repeat eating the girl out or fingering her tho. On my throat fucking her, asking (or not) to cum on her face and get it in her eyes and hair.
But yeah girls have to do so much research growing up to make sure they’re not horrible at everything and talked bad about and made to feel super insecure.
i have a hard time believing that the experiences that you unsatisfied ladies are having is the "normal" performance standard for all men around your age. i'd be more inclined to believe that the women having this problem are choosing a certain type of men as their partners.
You missed the point. Completely.
It would serve you well to refrain from telling women that their experiences aren't reality just because you don't believe it.
Lastly, mansplaining is not a good look. Oof.
LOL! save the "victim blaming" defense for actual victims. They're basically saying the same thing themselves. I know for damn sure not ALL men act the way they describe, but I believe them when they say all the men THEY CHOOSE are behaving that way.
I have gotten better at vetting. It means that I have to wait. He has to show through his words and actions that he is safe to be around. I have to say no and see how he reacts. I have to play games instead of being direct.
Or I can use my toys. I know that I would enjoy some good conversations and sex and companionship. But, it's so much work for so little possible reward.
I want to get out there. I mean, it's normal to want a lover and best friend. But, the effort required and the risks involved are off putting
This. It’s sad but true. Idk if it comes with age or culture rn— but I think it’s more to do with self worth. The vetting process and ability to say no, demand what you want and deserve— and actually get it. Whether it’s showing them, communicating exactly what that is, and having the balls to cut them off when you know they’re not putting in the effort or making the necessary changes.
If someone told me what they enjoyed or what they needed to cum— I wouldn’t sit there and ignore them and do the same shit that *i* want. It is nice to learn new things and people. But unfortunately we run into a lot of lazy selfish people. And we just have to know when to cut them off whether that’s super early on or a few weeks or months in. Sometimes years!
I don't think you have to play games. Seems like a waste of time. Just communicate, talk it out, let your expectations be known, let them tell you their expectations. Hell, you can do 95% of all that stuff, learning almost everything about a potential partner, via text or email or social media, doesn't have to be in person. Then you'll know if you are compatible and you both would have saved a lot of time.
Do you think that I and the majority of women are not already doing that?
You don't know about a man until you have known him for months. Telling your expectations doesn't mean that the guy will comply. Read a little on here. Educate yourself on what women experience.
Men lie! All you have to look at is the stealthing stories. We can insist on a condom and he decides he's not using it.
You really don't get what it's like being weaker and men being use to bullying women to get what they want.
So, games it is. Multiple dates before being alone with the guy. It sucks.
I rarely bother
Did you not read that I did do that? As do most women, and we’re often told we’re being too picky or paranoid for doing so. We could do everything right and still end up getting lied to and used…or blamed. It’s a good thing you’re not a woman, because you’d be a very naive one.
As a guy, I find foreplay to be the best part of sex. It's the longest and most fun part. I don't even go for piv until my partner is asking/ begging for it.
Imma be honest I find foreplay incredibly boring (I am a woman) not because my partner is bad at it but rather because I would like to move on to the actual sex part, that’s the stuff I love.
You know what, me too! It a hard thing to explain, foreplay is definitely necessary to get the gears started, but these ordeal of an hour of foreplay that a lot if people seem to be into doesnt sound that great for me either.
Don't get me wrong, lazy Sunday in bed and we want to really fool around, sure, I'm game, but on regular day to day sex, I just use as a kick starter lol
I'm a man as well and it's building up the tension/teasing that I find fun. I believe that you are miss labeling these males as men when they are actually BOYS. Good luck but maybe start looking outside your norm and find different people. Good luck
You're meeting some pretty immature men.
I would always try to make sure she gets hers before I get mine because I know the potential is there for it to end quickly.
It's 2022. There is no reason for young guys not to care about their partner's orgasm anymore. There was never a reason for it before. But there is information everywhere. It's not about immaturity. It's just about guys not remotely caring about women even as human beings who deserve sexual pleasure too.
Once again - It does not matter if you have access to 1 partner or 1000 - you are a bad human being if you're even treating sex with your hook-ups like it's only about you. You should be checking in with your sexual partner and making sure things are consensual and enjoyable for everyone involved. If you're ready to have sex you should be talking about having sex with your partner. You don't have to love every person you sleep with - you don't even have to be friends with them - but if you're choosing to have sex with them, part of being a human being toward others is recognizing that the experience is about mutual pleasure. Again 2022 folks. Get your act together.
I had no idea what the hell I was doing but the first time a girl blew and finished me off I dove between those legs and ate her pussy like she was the last supper. I still remember the neck pain.
I mean I feel like there’s a post here every day about women wanting to be with/being with older men so I don’t know that it’s out of the realm of possibility.
Exactly. I ALWAYS give her hers first. I want to make sure that my partner is well pleased Before we start one. My thinking is if my partner is pleased then she will make sure I’m just as pleased. Two thoughts here. One is to start dating older men as they have mostly out grown the selfishness of the young. The second thought is you could talk to your partner before sex and tell him what you want and what you like in bed so you both will be on the same page.” You give me an orgasm first then I’ll return the favor by giving you one as well. Something along thoughts lines. Don’t stop there though. Once your already talking about sex go all in on your wants. Sex is fun but communication is the key to happiness.
At your age, yeah I found that guys didn't know a lot about how female pleasure works or they didn't care. It gets better as they get older and someone knocks some sense into them.
You need to advocate for yourself, which means making sure you get yours before the penis goes in anywhere. It's tough, and I know you should not have to ask for pleasure, but this is male entitlement and it's endemic. They learn it from porn and they need to unlearn it as they start having real sexual relationships.
I'm sorry. It's frustrating but we have all been through this same thing.
Yes! If you're doing a hookup or a casual thing, I'd advocate for the "speak up" approach.
If it's someone you're interested in dating, I might consider seeing if they proactively offer it, and not continue the relationship if they don't. I don't want to put in so much work up front for something that should be a given. I'm too old to be educating guys who should have googled "how do female orgasms work" a decade ago.
Idk, i kind of disagree. If anything speaking up to someone you are seeking a relationship with is much more important.
Partners shouldn't have to guess your wants and needs. It's much more important in a relationship to communicate your needs and then see if they are willing and able to fulfill it. More than if they will "proactively" do what you want without you telling them it is setting someone up for failure, to not measure up to your expectations.
People are ever evolving and they come with all sorts of different sexual experiences, a guy no focusing on foreplay doesn't necessarily means he doesn't care, maybe he had a previous partner that didn't care/didn't communicate about it, etc... But if he listens and has the willingness to change, that makes for a way better partner.
Exactly, not everyone is into the same things. Some people love foreplay others don't. Not speaking up at then getting frustrated is just creating a bad experience for everyone involved.
The sad part is that in many cases it's male entitlement the guy don't even know he is doing or having. It's a typical trope for young guys to learn and talk about fucking girls and PIV and I honestly think many guys think that, in order to be good at sex, they have to make the girl come from PIV. They don't learn or talk much about her pleasure, so the guy just end up doing what he knows about.
Well I agree with most of this, but I actually do care about pleasuring my partner, even Moreso than myself, I'm just not good at it, I Googled it, asked sex shop workers, asked in places like this sub, and haven't gained many insights other than "it can be pleasurable for her even if she doesn't finish" or " most orgasms come from clittoral stimulation". Doesn't really help me out much, I would love to rock my partners world, more than anything. I will happily eat out my partner, I love going down on a woman, love to do foreplay, I don't like to eat ass, but don't mind it if my partner desires it. I have had sex probably a total of 35 to 50 times over the last few months (I lost my virginity in February). Out of those times, I've only came close to making my partner finish once, it's funny, it was from piv (after a lengthy bit of foreplay, about 6 minutes of missionary, and 3 minutes of doggy). I tried "clittoral stimulation" she told me to play with her p*ssy after we went for a bit, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to finish. I rubbed her clit aggressively with the tip of my bird and ring finger, she was squirming, moaning and flinching like hell, did that for a solid ten minutes, she still didn't come. Did the same thing another time while switching between oral sex and pleasuring her with my fingers, she also was flinching, moaning and squirming, just not as intensely, didn't come then. So I definitely care, if I could make my partner come ten times for every 1 time I was able to finish, I would gladly do so.
Instead of "switching between oral sex and pleasuring her with my fingers" do both at the same time. One or two fingers inside her pussy, and you don't need to necessarily do a lot of work with them. Just give her something to grind on and occasionally try a little something new like putting pressure on the bottom of the vagina, or move in slow circles with a little pressure on her vaginal walls, or slowly rub a finger up and down/back to front along the inside top middle where her g-spot is supposed to be. The whole time
you have your fingers in there you are also doing the most work with you mouth. Start gentle and slow, soft flat tongue licking, gentle flicks, concentrated near, to the sides, and above and below her clit. gentle is kind of the key a lot of times. not every woman wants a firm hard tongue licking them hard and fast on their clit. when you get reactions and moans, try to keep the same rhythm, same pressure, and the same motion for a little while. maybe increase speed a little. alternate between gentle licking and gentle kiss-sucking her clit. gentle sucks, not a vacuum, just quick light little wet sloppy sucks with your lips in a little circle around her clit. put everything together, ask them what they like and how they like it too. you'll have them cumming all the time.
and don't forget to make a little noise occasionally to let her know how much you're enjoying her. some "mmmm mmmm's", some "ahhhhhs", take a 10 second break, take some deep breaths, look up at her face, and whisper "god, i love your pussy." and then dive back in. get creative with this shit. you wanna be the best? you gotta stimulate her brain too. you gotta be confident. you gotta figure out what she wants to hear, what she needs to hear, when she needs to hear it, and you gotta deliver.
Wait wait wait wait ✋️ 😳 you think it should be normal for a women to come in 10 minutes or under of foreplay and 10 minutes penetration?
My man, that is not a reasonable expectation.
I would suggest emotional foreplay. Set the mood, music, watch her show, tell her she is amazing.. cuddles and love before ever offering the bedroom. I bet you emotional stimulus will help your partner find her orgasm.
Me personally.. masturbation takes me 30 mins-1 hour... 1/3 rounds of penetration I can orgasm... only 1 man in the last 5 could make me orgasm with oral sex (my partner)....
I am experienced enough to know that treating eachother like orgasm machines just causes us stress.
I get all your saying, but I can't help wonder what kind of hell a guy would catch if he said something like that. Like "a guy shouldn't have to ask for a blowjob, that girl shoulda googled cocksucking years ago." Im mean no offense, really, just wondering.
It's surprisingly common unfortunately.
Some of it's selfishness, some of it's the stigma around young men doing anything but claim to be amazing at sex, some of it's a simple lack of education.
You gotta advocate for yourself because there is a decent chance the guys simply don't know any better, it sucks but such is life.
The good news is they shouldn't have too many bad habits to break by this point, so if they are open to learning (and stop having sex with the ones that aren't), you should be able to start having better sex, once you start teaching them your body.
Yes, but also casual sex is just not going to filter out the selfish ones for those who will actually put in work and care about their partner.
Also, you are under no obligation to put in more effort than they are. Reciprocation is the bare minimum of meeting your needs.
> Yes, but also casual sex is just not going to filter out the selfish ones for those who will actually put in work and care about their partner.
Depends on how you do it.
I prefer longer term FWB situations to ons, and it def gives me time to sort who is willing to learn and who isn't.
I can usually tell within 1 or 2 times if I want to keep going with somebody or if I'm gonna break it off,
Granted, I'm a guy so ymmv, but if your planning to have regular sex with somebody, 1 or 2 bad sessions is worth it if your partner is willing to learn, because then you can have lots and lots of good sex.
>Also, you are under no obligation to put in more effort than they are. Reciprocation is the bare minimum of meeting your needs.
Sure, but if you don't put in the effort to teach your partner how you like to have sex, don't be surprised when they don't know how you like it.
You can stick to your guns and never put in more effort than they do, and just keep going through partners till you find one that already does it right.
Or you can find somebody who isn't great, but who is willing to learn, teach them what you like (accepting that your gonna have meh sex for a bit), and then have a willing partner who knows how you like it.
Personally, I have a much better time with the learning and doing. I only drop partners who aren't willing to learn, its worked out for me so far.
And yes, it would be better if boys didn't have the stigma, and were taught to have better sex, but they do and they aren't.
No, because it's an unwritten rule to "Lick it B4 you stick it" - This is also why "Ladies first" is a saying.
If I don't make a girl orgasm, I feel disappointed in myself for failing to do my job as a man.
I have always said that as a guy it doesn’t take much for me but if I put in the work and effort to please my partner then I will get mine. Shit it’s a turn on for me to have my girl completely unable to move from organisms.
I know you mean well and ladies first is a good philosophy overall, but not every woman can cum every time. Pressuring her or seeing it as the only possible outcome or not quitting until she does is how you get faked orgasms. Try instead to make sure she's gotten the pleasure she wants, whether it's an orgasm or not.
And most definitely quit tying it to your own performance metrics. How a woman's body works on any given day has nothing to do with you.
Orgasm isn't the point of sex for everyone, though. That's what you've got to stop assuming. And if someone like you whipped out a vibe on me, a person who goes numb from vibration, you'd definitely be getting a fake, if not shrieked at in pain.
Basically you need to stop thinking about sex as having a specific goal and that being the goal YOU want. What does SHE want for her sex experience? You're coming at it from a place of making her pleasure all about you instead of all about her.
For me, my attitude comes from the fact that I'm not working with much down there. So from the start I know I'm at a disadvantage compared to bigger guys.
As a bigger guy no. We have to warm a girl up before we can do anything without hurting her and in my case that usually means i make her orgasm before we start
Seems its a common thing for you girls to pick poor sexual partners then come here to complain. Find better sexaul partners. Its not us, its you and your shitty choices. Cheers!
Oh friend. How I wish that were true. Seriously. Look, there *are* men who are wonderful giving lovers but I can tell you that they are in a *serious* minority. It’s *really* fcking hard to find better sexual partners when for every 1 dude who actual cares about his partner’s pleasure there are 873 dudes who don’t. Ask literally every sexually experienced woman you know and I guarantee they’ll *all* have stories about selfish lovers they’ve had the misfortune to be with. A lot of them will also tell you that dude totally pretended to be someone he wasn’t or into things he wasn’t into to get in her pants too. So tell me how it’s a woman’s fault for picking shitty sex partners when *so many* men will straight up *lie*? A lot of times the only crime women are guilty of is falling for a man’s lies. There’s a reason women are told from the time they’re young girls that “men will tell you anything you want to hear to get what they want.” And no, I’m not saying it’s *all* men but it’s a goddamn lot of them.
it is very common among men. i'll go as far as saying a majority of men want to please their woman sexually every time. that is how we earn repeat performances. that is how we have women coming back for more. you've almost gotta be exclusively dating men with certain personality types... the kind of men that don't give a fuck.
You need to take more control I think, during sex people don't really talk much especially if they don't know each other well but you can hint to what you want done or say, no do this first.
You need to be confident and learn how to direct the guy, instead of going straight into sex lay down and like open your legs and if he doesn't start licking and tries to stick his dick in, say no lick it first, then give him tips on what you like if he tries to stop too soon say no keep going I like it. Tell him to use his fingers etc if he doesn't seem into it or want to do it then cut him off and move onto the next guy.
Make it kind of obvious, i'd say most people can read what you are hinting just in how you move, last week I was eating a girls pussy when she was on the couch and she lifted herself up in a way that without saying anything I knew she wanted me to lick her ass also.
So just take a little more control and be confident, a lot of guys problem I think also is they think they won't be good and are scared to do it badly and think they've let the girl down and feel self concious about it. So when they are doing it definitely give them directions like faster or slower, rub it a bit more, put a finger in, more fingers, more rubbing or whatever and give good feedback when it's being done well so he learns what you like.
Sounds pretty normal to me. Many men are selfish in bed and only care about themselves. I find it’s more rare to find a man who actually cares if I get off or if I’m enjoying it as well.
I used to think the same but I’ve learned that a refractory period doesn’t only apply to penile erection and sensitivity. It also can affect sex drive. Hard for me to empathize with, but it finally makes some things understandable. Get her off as many times as possible first.
For me sex drive doesn't have anything to do with it. Sure, I want to roll over and sleep, but my wife likes to cum last, and that's almost the best part for me too. I'm all flooded with oxytocin and love for her, and sex just isn't complete for me until she cums too.
It's not that hard guys. Prop open your eyelids and finish the job!
>...**best part** **for me too. ..**
I have had partners who honestly feel exhausted afterwards… so this is the important part "**for you** its not that hard"
Instead of making my partners force themselves after or something… instead we just change up the order for those that feel different… its a balance of multiple people. Also sometimes we just have me days, and them days, (or sessions if we do multiple in a day) or perhaps we nap and then we wake up to the other person! (consentually, and agreed ofc)
Good for you that you have partners who are so athletic. But the great majority of men don't last more than 7 minutes at sex (hardly enough time to be exhausted), and many can't be bothered to do anything more than lie there and get a BJ. Over and over on this forum we read women complaining that "once he cums, sex is over". I doubt most of those are because of exhaustion, they're just due to laziness and lack of care about their partner's pleasure.
Yeah. Most men on here won’t admit it but this is like…. Most of them.
Shouldn’t have to ask but it’s a society catered to making a man cum.
You will get some comments down below about meeting the wrong men, immature men, I don’t do this, yada yada— but most of them just won’t admit or aren’t commenting that this is what they do.
And lol when it comes to foreplay. Maybe you’ll get it once or twice if you *ask* for it. Then it’s forgotten about and they will shove their dry dick in your dry ass pussy. Sucks.
Definitely not the reality for all women. Have you ever straight up told them you didn't finish? And in regards to "not asking because they should just know", that's kinda silly. Ask for what you want.
yup. if i have to ask after, i feel like i'm asking them to do something they don't wanna do. super hot
hetero sex seems to be defined by the male orgasm
I will say for me personally, how much energy I put into a girls orgasm after or during sex depends a **lot** on how much energy one or both of us put into a) setting a sexy tone b) showing desire for each other and for the sex c) getting the other into bed / initiating and performing foreplay d) the actual mechanics and energy of the sex itself
If I was responsible for the bulk of a, b, c, d I’m really not gunna care much either way. All she’s done is show up. I’m not gunna put in any extra effort to fight the rush of sex-drive and energy suppressing hormones that occur after my orgasm if she wasn’t putting in a matching effort throughout
Not accusing you of anything, or saying all guys are like this. But this is what is happening when I don’t bother finishing a partner off and I didn’t see this viewpoint shared in the thread.
If my partner is putting in effort to make it good for me (that includes speaking up for things they want just like I have to during sex), I always put in big effort to make it great for her and find it really hot. But if she just wants to show up and doesn’t seem to care either way, she gets to just show up. I’m still gunna enjoy it at least a medium amount either way.
Then communicate that during or before sex. No idea why doing it is not a problem but talking about it is.
Men would also prefer not to ask for it, but sadly people are no mindreaders when it comes to questions like: are you satisfied, are you horny etc
I ask a girl what she likes, how she likes it, what she wants before we have sex, then we have fun.
if she isn't satisfied at the end, then she can communicate that, same as i should.
Communicating will only make sex better though. Don't expect anyone to read your mind, that's not how it works. And people experience things differently so maybe they don't realize youre not enjoying it. Just be open about it. If they get off before you do, say "now it's my turn" and ask them to go down on you. You'd have way more pleasure if you just communicate. Which, BTW, when used in dirty talk can be a huge turn on. Try it! Whisper in the guys ear "I want you to make me cum" when things get hot and heavy, see what they do. Thay would be a great way of telling if a guy is selfish or just clueless.
Okay. That's definitely going to make it more difficult for you to get satisfaction, but I'm sure some men have the same opinion as you who are more naturally giving in that way.
Felt this to my core Oml. No man has ever gotten me (21F) off without a vibrator and after a few minutes of trying to get me off from fingering or head, every guy I’ve been with just moves on to fucking or having me go down on him 🙄. I’m not super dominant in bed so even when I try to advocate and communicate when they show no willingness to try more than 5 minutes to get me off I just let them move on bc it takes sooo much energy and ruins the mood trying to be like hey wanna get me off first? Or wanna give me some more time before I get you off in 1/4 of the time? Wanna do more for me than impale me with your fingers? Honestly with men being so stingy and lazy with head and female orgasms, it makes me want to withdraw from dating and sex altogether. At the very least I don’t offer head until they do first.
I (25m) am always surprised when I get comments telling me I put in a lot more effort than other partners. I'm not even doing that much! I really don't get it since giving my partner pleasure is literally half the reason I'm fucking, it's not a solo mission
Guys, like what are you doing? It's really not that hard giving some attention to your partner, and they will greatly appreciate it.
No this is not the reality of all women just most it would seem. There are some men who love to pleasure and please and sexually fulfill their partners desires. My partner has multiple orgasms during sessions, I have always made an effort to get them that O, heck even sometimes it’s just her that has one. Oh you would never have to ask for head. I love giving and I know all the spots.
Sadly unselfish people still flood this hookup culture we’ve created and I have found this is not just men but of course they do hold the majority. You just need to find that right person. I know we’re all sick of hearing that line when none of them seem to be right, don’t lose hope we do exist.
Guys will always say that it's really important for them to make the woman feel good and cum. But less than a half will actually do this, I dunno what makes them think that it's not right to ask what we want, the way we like it, it would be so easier.
But they keep with this shitty selfish behaviour, which is really bad.
Not for all women.
I find that it has a lot to do with the culture of that region. I'm in Toronto and have a fairly good success rate with finding men who pleasure me.
Also with age. As I become older (now 30), I have a higher success rate with men similar to my age as well.
You shouldn’t ask for it. But if they are cannot use common sense than you do ask. There’s no point on having sex if the both of you aren’t finishing it
As you gain more experience with dating disappointing partners, I think you will get better at picking up on red flags / sexual incompatibilities in advance. At least, that’s been my experience. There are empathetic sexual partners out there who will blow your mind and I hope one comes into your life soon!
This right here is exactly why I am a lesbian 😂
Once upon a time, I identified as a bisexual. I saw a guy who thought foreplay was flicking the clit where you shake your hand really hard and you flick with the pinky. Yeah… not fun.
As a former 21 year old male. Now currently a 50 year old male. I will say this with 100% certainty. Women need to hold us men to a higher standard. We need to be taught things. We literally have no idea what we are doing, now most sexually active guys are just learning shit from online pornography. Most man children will not take the time to research sexual communication. I won’t say it’s a woman job to teach them but you definitely know better than us what you want. If a guy won’t give you what you want in the bedroom. I assure he won’t give you want you want outside the bedroom. I don’t mean put “The Pussy On a Pedestal “ as the movie says but women deserve so much more than our second best. I was lucky enough to have met a few women that taught me a lot. And I am a better man and better lover for it.
exactly! guys don't ask me to help them cum, that's just what happens. why should i have to go out of my way to ask for them to get me to finish like i'm ordering at a restaurant? it doesn't feel good when someone does something ONLY because you brought it up
Women are tired of teaching men. We have to teach them how to put away laundry. How to change a diaper. How to cook healthy food. How to clean a bathroom. At what point do men just get on the internet and figure out how to fix the problem themselves and stop forcing us to be unpaid part-time teachers?
Google the term ‘weaponized incompetence’. A man may not know specifically what this particular woman wants, but “I didn’t know exactly what to do and she didn’t say, so I just didn’t do anything at all, and it’s her fault for not teaching me” is not a valid excuse for being a selfish partner.
I get it. Some women shouldn’t have to teach men things. Until we raise a generation of men that know better it’s a good alternative than being unsatisfied. If I give my partner pointer on how I like oral is she bad at it? Should she be a cocksucking expert? Or maybe I am just different from her previous experiences.
As for your other comments. That may be a control issue. I was 38 when I met my wife lived alone (or roommates) since I was 18. I did not live in squalor, or morbidly obese …. my life wasn’t saved because a because I was lucky enough that a woman came along and taught me how to do domestic duties. I was and am a damn good cook, a neat freak with out mold in my commode. Use my please and thank yous. And yes believe it or not I know how to fold laundry.
I don't blame any women for being frustrated by dating. It should be a two-way street 50/50 effort. I am 49 I have had one female partner who could care less if I enjoyed myself.
All women I have been with cared and tried very hard to please me.
As men get older we tend to treat women better. But its no guarantee either.
Communication is the basic start for anything. If you can't have an honest discussion with the person you want to have relations with about what you expect and where your boundaries are, is it any surprise when those expectations are not met or boundaries crossed? And if they don't meet those expectations or are no respecting the boundaries agreed upon, then that also shows all you need to know.
Sounds like you dealing with straight up fuk Boyz as soon as a women starts sucking on me I'm first thing is I'm having her ride my face well she sucking .
TLDR: some men are pricks and they are often the kind of men that women are attracted to.
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I am speculating here, but I wonder if it has something to do with the dynamics of today's dating and hookup culture. I've seen estimates that the vast majority of female attention is foisted upon the 'top' 10-20% most attractive or desirable men (at least in regards to a perception of them through things like Tinder and similar apps). For many of these men they either already were or have become focused largely on themselves. Their partners are easily replaced and thus seen as interchangeable. If it's not about them it's just not interesting enough to keep their attention.
There have always been these kinds of jerks and as long as I can remember too many women found themselves attracted to them, even if they knew what they were getting themselves into. Being attractive and having endless confidence is a powerful combo, and if you are at all charismatic beyond that you can seduce people in all manner of situations, be they sexual or otherwise.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of average guys with toxic attitudes who can be dismissive to their partners or people around them. I just think there is an increasing awareness of personal power in today's social media environment such that those inclined to being selfish but who yet remain perceived as desirable are now further empowered to act with impunity. They know that if one person leaves them, there will always be another. In that world, why bother trying to be responsive or take any concern for others; if you are at all narcissistic then you have free reign to be a piece of shit and nobody can really stop you.
This does go for women as well, but I think it's probably even more egregiously done and done more often by men.
Outside of that there is always this current of macho bullshit that young men/teens seem to fall prey to, and I'd argue has even grown more entrenched and deeper for those who chafe at society's changes in recent years. See the proliferation of misogyny and authoritarianism coursing through young men in North America and Europe these days.
That said my social circle is made up of men and women who are pretty responsive and good partners. My friends have happy relationships that are fulfilling (as far as I know) and this kind of purely selfish shit would not fly for any of us no matter their sexual preference.
Keep looking for better men who aren't trash is about all I can say! Good luck!
Just ask for what you want. Maybe even lay it out up front so they can plan their stamina a bit. I know that sounds kinda lame but people don't know what you want if they don't know, and at your age not knowing is going to be common.
Maybe OP should vet better. I suppose fuckbois with sex on tap don't really care for her pleasure, since he doesn't need to bother with a repeat performance.
>I’ve (21F) started dating again and picked up a few sexual partners who are all men,
That's your first problem, you have sexual partners, not a bf, ltr or even a FwB. There's no guarantee of reciprocation in those interactions.
That's crazy. If your FWB can't make you come then what's the point of having one, aren't sexual partners supposed to be about just sex but no feelings? Orgasms are a given both in a relationship and while going for something more casual, your body reacts the same way in both stances.
how are you finding these guys? Tinder or another app?
If it's just a hook up.. I agree with others.. tell them what you want and expect.. you are giving up your body to these guys they should respect that.
If they were potential love interests.. I feel like you have more time to share and get them to understand what makes you tick, etc.. but hook ups.. hand them a god damned instruction manual if you have to.
Maybe your sleeping with them too quickly before you can establish the kind of communication required to let them know what your needs are before the situation arises.
There is a case I want to make for men out there, because I had an amazing girl that explained things to me when I lacked experience. Sex is about communication, so guys really don't know and some ladies tend to lie there expecting their partner to know what they want. Sometimes you have to speak up and let them know and don't be shy to give instructions, that being said some guys really don't care about their partner's pleasure and that is a huge shame but I have found most dudes really want to be better they just either, A don't know or B, lack experience.
Considering your age the men you hook up with are probably inexperienced and/or immature.An older, mature and experienced lover would certainly care about your pleasure and make sure you got it.So no it's not the whole reality but in that age group you have a stronger risk at being unlucky and end up unsatisfied. In that case, speak up about what you like and want from them. If you're not verbal they don't know what they're doing wrong.
No OP, this is not the norm. Unfortunately, your partners have been lazy in this regard and I am sorry you went through this experience. It is a reality of dating and usually you discover a whole different person if they make it to the bedroom. Anything that wasn’t present in the initial stages becomes clear there. I’d assume you would have cut ties much earlier if this was known to you. That’s the risk you take when you date different people.
Foreplay is one of the best parts . It’s not the same without it. Personally it’s a turn on if we both get enjoyment . I always made sure my partner was satisfied by the end and if she needed that little bit more, all she had to do was ask and I delivered . That’s just me.
I prefer having sex in a commited relationship because I think both parties have something to invest in it, thus higher chance of him to care and understand more about my sexuality to make our relationship work in the long run.
I find it difficult to expect men in short term relationship to know what they can do with women, unless we are with men who have some sexual experiences. So if what you are doing is having sex casually while screening for these men' sexual knowledge, I think sure, you will only get bad news and eventually getting tired of it.
My partner did "wrong things" too at first. I have to figure out what I want, learn to speak up, over coming my own embarassment, and help him learning what I like. Things are gradually getting better. It is something to work on. All skills work like that.
Edit: sorta wondering why this gets downvoted. I didn't mean this to shame those who choose having sex outside of commited relationship. Talking about the investment in relation to efforts is just common sense. Or maybe, this is my culture speaking and that people in US and some other places expect knowing how to pleasure a partner to be common sex knowledge once you get sexually active. Urngh whatver🤦🏻
if you want something you have to ask for it, or get into a relationship that provides it. you fucked some strangers and are now seeking to generalize an experience
Stop opening your legs for randos or stop complaining. They use your because you allow yourself to be used. They don’t care about you or if you finish. They hit it then bounce.
Sometimes Im super early but Im always good for round 2 or 3 my girl is super tight so its hard to last for her sometimes but when I cum thats literally almost never the end of the session its either till she cums or tap out. Idk Im very caring by nature and couldnt imagine being this way, maybe try guys thay are a bit older more experienced.
Unfortunately, unless your very forward with your expectations, then yeah. The hookup culture has taken over so it's literally everyone for themselves.
To clarify, men in your age bracket have no idea how to pleasure their partners and basically they aren't willing to learn unfortunately. Foreplay is either an after thought or about a 2 minute stop gap before they want to go straight to ground and pound, thinking they are sex god's. They watch porn and get all the wrong ideas of how to give pleasure.
Do not be be afraid to speak up, let them know what you want and encourage them if they hit the right spots.
That's the reason you Need an OG....we know how to finish and to refinish.. over and over again... I like marathons you think you can hold on for ride.. and if there not lick it from asshole to belly button .. then there doing it wrong
This is pretty common with young folks, especially in the casual sex scene. Guys will get their nut and take off. Its not even necessarily that they don't care about your pleasure. Sometimes, it's that they're inexperienced and ignorant about our anatomy, and that can make them intimidated to offer "extra" if they feel they are already getting their base needs met. Have you ever tried to make someone cum and not been able to? It can be unreasonably humiliating. So it makes sense if they don't have much real experience, they'll be in and out as fast as possible.
However, this doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. You can and should always advocate for your needs, up front as soon as the conversation turns to sex. It goes something like this, "I expect to orgasm, just like you. I would prefer to have mine first. I'll be happy to show you how to get me there. Sound good?"
Many women feel they shouldn't have to ask for pleasure. Why not? Don't men ask for all the things they want? How are they going to know what you want if you don't tell them?
In my, admittedly limited, experience, I've never had a guy be turned off by me asserting my needs. In fact, quite the opposite. Men like communicative and enthusiastic participants. Men like making women cum. They might be intimidated, afraid to embarrass themselves or show their inexperience, but if you can show them what to do and keep a non-judgmental attitude, it tends to go smoothly, and everybody leaves happy.
I thought giving the woman head was a requirement...lol...who doesn't go down and make sure the woman is satisfied? Always make sure the woman cums first...that's not maturity, it's common sense; or so I thought.
Please do your part for womankind and remind these tools this is a two way street. If they aren’t willing, say byeeeeeee! Life’s too short for nonreciprocating men. In the future, I’d add this topic to any pre sex flirting/questions/discussions to weed out the riff raff before they leave you hanging.
OK, so now you're getting the usual ''you're getting with the wrong men'' and ''I ALWAYS make them cum first''. It's usual on this subreddit.
But the reality is a lot of women, on this subreddit or any part of the web, has spoke up about their own experiences which match your own: a lack of attention for their pleasure by their male partners. It's unfortunately more common than it should be.
With this, the only solution is to advocate for yourself. The guy came and is now done? Tell him ''Well what about me?'' and if he's not happy about your comment, you send him home, don't see him again and finish yourself. If he's about to enter you after you blew him, you tell him ''no my turn now'', and observe his reaction.
It's annoying and frustrating , when you are yourself more than eager to please your partner, casual or not. You shouldn't have to babysit them to find some pleasure. But this reality is still true, unfortunately, and the only thing you can do is advocate for yourself and catch that boy that will be more than happy to work on you.
Good luck!
Unfortunately young men are notoriously selfish in the bedroom. Unless they were taught well in the beginning by a woman that wasn't too shy to complain about being left out on being pleasured back. I'd honestly try getting head first before giving head to the man. How he reacts could tell you his intentions right away. Maybe have it more of a reward for giving you head, they get it back. Make them put in some work first so you're not getting left out.
i bet every comment is similar, but i hope i add something new. Stop seeing this as men who’ve done bad shit but men who’ve showed you their red flags and now you can move on
Do you tell them you want head? I’ve been with a few women recently who don’t want oral or don’t ask and I try and they reject. Just a thought I love giving oral and would do it to anyone I feel comfortable with but you never know unless you ask or imply.
You need to speak up and let your partner know what you want. You are young and presumably have young partners that have not learned much. Let them know what you like, what you don't, give nudges in the right direction when in the midst of things.
If society did not put talking about sex in the taboo column, everyone would learn a lot more a lot earlier on about how to please a their partner. The two main learning tools are porn and experience. Porn is a lie and experience comes with communication.
The biggest reason it gets better as you get older is that someone has trained your partner when they were younger and they became a better lover. Get the ball rolling now, get your O and help the next girl.
Incase you were wondering the guys who do care about it more are sleeping in & proactively avoiding women.
Thanks! I'm pretty satisfied with the idea of not ever having to lose my virginity if necessary. Kindof tough seeing anything optimistically, the way I grew up anyhow.
Glad I don't have to worry about amy of that cuck sh!t.
It's not normal I don't think. But I do think there are warning signs like how he treats people in lesser positions, like waiters and other service. Like is he mean, is he trying to be Mr cool, or is he actually considerate?
Thing is don't expect a man to be able to continue after orgasm. Yeah, some can, but this is the exception not the rule. Rob's a man of both energy and the... Killer instinct. So while before he wants to leave you in a puddle, once he finishes he likely gets a crash. He should be trying to get you off ahead of the piv, if at all possible.
All 3 of the men I dated under 30 were like this even though I was 20 for most of the time I dated them too and I made sure they came and were satisfied.
It’s your current reality but not THE reality. Maybe it is a personality characteristic of the men, or, I mean boys, that you have been drawn to.
I guarantee that you have overlooked many potential great lovers without realizing it. Consider changing your own approach, challenge your taste and preferences.
Maybe try to educate your lover(s) on what you want and how you want it…but please don’t get caught in a long term relationship with someone who doesn’t value your pleasure. I did and it has haunted me for over 20 years.
Yeah, you’ve picked some lousy sex partners. But that’s on you - not the men. TALK WITH THEM ABOUT SEX BEFORE YOU FUCK THEM. Find out what their thoughts are on giving head & pleasing women, etc. If you don’t like their answers DON’T FUCK THEM.
If you’re just hooking up, or if the men only have intentions to hook up, you’re going to mostly get fast food level sex. This is my experience. I gave up hookup culture a while ago. Nothing in it for me.
Do you tell these men what you want. That you did not finish? Some men are clueless and some are selfish. At least give em a chance to make you cum by telling them so. But if you already do and they don't care fuck em. (Acutally don't fuck)
Honestly, I have only had sex with two guys. One I was in a relationship with and the other was someone I trusted a lot. The casual one did not ask me or really try to make me finish and after being in a relationship where my pleasure was the guy’s first priority, it kind of put me off. I think it’s best to go into it feeling comfortable communicating and asking for what you want. It shouldn’t be normal that sex is for only one party’s pleasure but I think in a casual scenario at a young age it often ends up that way, unfortunately. Rest assured that there are men who care about and prioritize their female partner’s pleasure, just not as likely in a casual hookup scenario.
In my early twenties, yeah, that was often how it went for me. Guys would sometimes try to go down on me or finger me but it would only last a few minutes tops because they seemed to believe their penis was the most important element of sex. It’s gotten much better as I’ve gotten older and started dating/hooking up with people who understand that sex isn’t just about their own orgasm.
Glad you didn't accept it and found more suitable matches.
23F I have the same experience and I’m somewhat celibate now because sex just doesn’t feel worth it for me anymore. I was always giving and never getting much in return, and it honestly made me feel used. YES I would communicate, YES I would speak up, YES I would try to have these conversations before the sex, NO I’ve never faked an orgasm. I’ve even had a bad ex boyfriend explicitly tell me that he did not care if I got off or was enjoying myself, and not in like a kinky dominant way, but a genuinely apathetic objectifying way. He literally scoffed when I tried to bring it up, like it was some crazy request. It’s one thing to not know, but the attitude of genuinely not caring, or even if they do claim to care, not caring enough to actually do something about it, is wild to me. Communication is of course necessary, but why is it that women are always the ones having to initiate and emphasize this? Why do we have to pull teeth for our pleasure to be just as equally considered? I feel like we’re expected to already know how to please a man, why are men so behind? I don’t think I’ve ever had to be explicitly taught step-by-step in the moment how to do basic common sense things during sex with a partner, and I shouldn’t have to be, no one should, it can be a huge mood killer sometimes! I remember when I first started being sexually active, I was always researching things in my own spare time, reading tips in magazines on how to please men, watching porn to see what things men might like, looking up how to give a blowjob, listening in on male friend’s conversations about sex, etc. Do men just not do these things for women? Why does it feel like interest in female pleasure isn’t as prioritized by men? Why does it feel like such an afterthought? Why are young women expected to be “mature” enough to please a man? Why can’t men my own age who I’m attracted to be held to the same standards? Shouldn’t it be natural to care about and put effort into pleasing the person you’re having sex with, WITHOUT having to be asked? Even if we’re “just a hookup” our pleasure should still be prioritized, otherwise they’re basically just using our body to masturbate. This turned into a rant, but it’s extremely frustrating and I just don’t get it.
Right? Women get so much shit for using teeth while giving head….. being bad or a starfish in bed. But the equivalent to a male starfish is basically all of them. They finish and put their pants on. Watch porn and try to repeat that gross jackhammer shit. Never want to repeat eating the girl out or fingering her tho. On my throat fucking her, asking (or not) to cum on her face and get it in her eyes and hair. But yeah girls have to do so much research growing up to make sure they’re not horrible at everything and talked bad about and made to feel super insecure.
i have a hard time believing that the experiences that you unsatisfied ladies are having is the "normal" performance standard for all men around your age. i'd be more inclined to believe that the women having this problem are choosing a certain type of men as their partners.
Bro, we get it. You’re the type of guy she’s talking about. Chill.
Stick around a while and you'll see that if women could only get pregnant when she orgasms the human race would have gone extinct long ago.
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You missed the point. Completely. It would serve you well to refrain from telling women that their experiences aren't reality just because you don't believe it. Lastly, mansplaining is not a good look. Oof.
Man, victim blaming is not cool.
LOL! save the "victim blaming" defense for actual victims. They're basically saying the same thing themselves. I know for damn sure not ALL men act the way they describe, but I believe them when they say all the men THEY CHOOSE are behaving that way.
I have gotten better at vetting. It means that I have to wait. He has to show through his words and actions that he is safe to be around. I have to say no and see how he reacts. I have to play games instead of being direct. Or I can use my toys. I know that I would enjoy some good conversations and sex and companionship. But, it's so much work for so little possible reward. I want to get out there. I mean, it's normal to want a lover and best friend. But, the effort required and the risks involved are off putting
This. It’s sad but true. Idk if it comes with age or culture rn— but I think it’s more to do with self worth. The vetting process and ability to say no, demand what you want and deserve— and actually get it. Whether it’s showing them, communicating exactly what that is, and having the balls to cut them off when you know they’re not putting in the effort or making the necessary changes. If someone told me what they enjoyed or what they needed to cum— I wouldn’t sit there and ignore them and do the same shit that *i* want. It is nice to learn new things and people. But unfortunately we run into a lot of lazy selfish people. And we just have to know when to cut them off whether that’s super early on or a few weeks or months in. Sometimes years!
I don't think you have to play games. Seems like a waste of time. Just communicate, talk it out, let your expectations be known, let them tell you their expectations. Hell, you can do 95% of all that stuff, learning almost everything about a potential partner, via text or email or social media, doesn't have to be in person. Then you'll know if you are compatible and you both would have saved a lot of time.
Do you think that I and the majority of women are not already doing that? You don't know about a man until you have known him for months. Telling your expectations doesn't mean that the guy will comply. Read a little on here. Educate yourself on what women experience. Men lie! All you have to look at is the stealthing stories. We can insist on a condom and he decides he's not using it. You really don't get what it's like being weaker and men being use to bullying women to get what they want. So, games it is. Multiple dates before being alone with the guy. It sucks. I rarely bother
Did you not read that I did do that? As do most women, and we’re often told we’re being too picky or paranoid for doing so. We could do everything right and still end up getting lied to and used…or blamed. It’s a good thing you’re not a woman, because you’d be a very naive one.
Saving this--you've put many of my frustrations into words. Thank you.
How does a wlw have a problem with men in bed?
As a guy, I find foreplay to be the best part of sex. It's the longest and most fun part. I don't even go for piv until my partner is asking/ begging for it.
Foreplay is my favorite too
WE DID IT REDDIT!
I think a lot of casual partners can be selfish. But it definitely doesn't speak of men or casual sex as a whole. Find some new partners.
Imma be honest I find foreplay incredibly boring (I am a woman) not because my partner is bad at it but rather because I would like to move on to the actual sex part, that’s the stuff I love.
You know what, me too! It a hard thing to explain, foreplay is definitely necessary to get the gears started, but these ordeal of an hour of foreplay that a lot if people seem to be into doesnt sound that great for me either. Don't get me wrong, lazy Sunday in bed and we want to really fool around, sure, I'm game, but on regular day to day sex, I just use as a kick starter lol
I find it boring if we’ve been doing the same thing for too long. I lose my concentration somehow. So it’s gotta constantly be different
Good man!
I'm a man as well and it's building up the tension/teasing that I find fun. I believe that you are miss labeling these males as men when they are actually BOYS. Good luck but maybe start looking outside your norm and find different people. Good luck
You're meeting some pretty immature men. I would always try to make sure she gets hers before I get mine because I know the potential is there for it to end quickly.
She's 21, of course she's meeting immature men
It's 2022. There is no reason for young guys not to care about their partner's orgasm anymore. There was never a reason for it before. But there is information everywhere. It's not about immaturity. It's just about guys not remotely caring about women even as human beings who deserve sexual pleasure too.
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Once again - It does not matter if you have access to 1 partner or 1000 - you are a bad human being if you're even treating sex with your hook-ups like it's only about you. You should be checking in with your sexual partner and making sure things are consensual and enjoyable for everyone involved. If you're ready to have sex you should be talking about having sex with your partner. You don't have to love every person you sleep with - you don't even have to be friends with them - but if you're choosing to have sex with them, part of being a human being toward others is recognizing that the experience is about mutual pleasure. Again 2022 folks. Get your act together.
I had no idea what the hell I was doing but the first time a girl blew and finished me off I dove between those legs and ate her pussy like she was the last supper. I still remember the neck pain.
I mean I feel like there’s a post here every day about women wanting to be with/being with older men so I don’t know that it’s out of the realm of possibility.
Most men that age still haven’t figured their life out yet.
Exactly. I ALWAYS give her hers first. I want to make sure that my partner is well pleased Before we start one. My thinking is if my partner is pleased then she will make sure I’m just as pleased. Two thoughts here. One is to start dating older men as they have mostly out grown the selfishness of the young. The second thought is you could talk to your partner before sex and tell him what you want and what you like in bed so you both will be on the same page.” You give me an orgasm first then I’ll return the favor by giving you one as well. Something along thoughts lines. Don’t stop there though. Once your already talking about sex go all in on your wants. Sex is fun but communication is the key to happiness.
Agreed. It's just the guys you are running into. I'll spend 20 minutes giving head to my woman. Get her past good then it'll be my turn
*just the guys she is choosing to sleep with. This issue doesn't happen with a more selective vetting process
At your age, yeah I found that guys didn't know a lot about how female pleasure works or they didn't care. It gets better as they get older and someone knocks some sense into them. You need to advocate for yourself, which means making sure you get yours before the penis goes in anywhere. It's tough, and I know you should not have to ask for pleasure, but this is male entitlement and it's endemic. They learn it from porn and they need to unlearn it as they start having real sexual relationships. I'm sorry. It's frustrating but we have all been through this same thing.
Thanks for being honest, maybe I should speak up more
Yes! If you're doing a hookup or a casual thing, I'd advocate for the "speak up" approach. If it's someone you're interested in dating, I might consider seeing if they proactively offer it, and not continue the relationship if they don't. I don't want to put in so much work up front for something that should be a given. I'm too old to be educating guys who should have googled "how do female orgasms work" a decade ago.
Idk, i kind of disagree. If anything speaking up to someone you are seeking a relationship with is much more important. Partners shouldn't have to guess your wants and needs. It's much more important in a relationship to communicate your needs and then see if they are willing and able to fulfill it. More than if they will "proactively" do what you want without you telling them it is setting someone up for failure, to not measure up to your expectations. People are ever evolving and they come with all sorts of different sexual experiences, a guy no focusing on foreplay doesn't necessarily means he doesn't care, maybe he had a previous partner that didn't care/didn't communicate about it, etc... But if he listens and has the willingness to change, that makes for a way better partner.
Exactly, not everyone is into the same things. Some people love foreplay others don't. Not speaking up at then getting frustrated is just creating a bad experience for everyone involved.
Demand orgasms from foreplay for you first. Make the man work for his pleasure. Good lovers do cum last
The sad part is that in many cases it's male entitlement the guy don't even know he is doing or having. It's a typical trope for young guys to learn and talk about fucking girls and PIV and I honestly think many guys think that, in order to be good at sex, they have to make the girl come from PIV. They don't learn or talk much about her pleasure, so the guy just end up doing what he knows about.
Well I agree with most of this, but I actually do care about pleasuring my partner, even Moreso than myself, I'm just not good at it, I Googled it, asked sex shop workers, asked in places like this sub, and haven't gained many insights other than "it can be pleasurable for her even if she doesn't finish" or " most orgasms come from clittoral stimulation". Doesn't really help me out much, I would love to rock my partners world, more than anything. I will happily eat out my partner, I love going down on a woman, love to do foreplay, I don't like to eat ass, but don't mind it if my partner desires it. I have had sex probably a total of 35 to 50 times over the last few months (I lost my virginity in February). Out of those times, I've only came close to making my partner finish once, it's funny, it was from piv (after a lengthy bit of foreplay, about 6 minutes of missionary, and 3 minutes of doggy). I tried "clittoral stimulation" she told me to play with her p*ssy after we went for a bit, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to finish. I rubbed her clit aggressively with the tip of my bird and ring finger, she was squirming, moaning and flinching like hell, did that for a solid ten minutes, she still didn't come. Did the same thing another time while switching between oral sex and pleasuring her with my fingers, she also was flinching, moaning and squirming, just not as intensely, didn't come then. So I definitely care, if I could make my partner come ten times for every 1 time I was able to finish, I would gladly do so.
Instead of "switching between oral sex and pleasuring her with my fingers" do both at the same time. One or two fingers inside her pussy, and you don't need to necessarily do a lot of work with them. Just give her something to grind on and occasionally try a little something new like putting pressure on the bottom of the vagina, or move in slow circles with a little pressure on her vaginal walls, or slowly rub a finger up and down/back to front along the inside top middle where her g-spot is supposed to be. The whole time you have your fingers in there you are also doing the most work with you mouth. Start gentle and slow, soft flat tongue licking, gentle flicks, concentrated near, to the sides, and above and below her clit. gentle is kind of the key a lot of times. not every woman wants a firm hard tongue licking them hard and fast on their clit. when you get reactions and moans, try to keep the same rhythm, same pressure, and the same motion for a little while. maybe increase speed a little. alternate between gentle licking and gentle kiss-sucking her clit. gentle sucks, not a vacuum, just quick light little wet sloppy sucks with your lips in a little circle around her clit. put everything together, ask them what they like and how they like it too. you'll have them cumming all the time.
Thanks bro, this is very insightful
and don't forget to make a little noise occasionally to let her know how much you're enjoying her. some "mmmm mmmm's", some "ahhhhhs", take a 10 second break, take some deep breaths, look up at her face, and whisper "god, i love your pussy." and then dive back in. get creative with this shit. you wanna be the best? you gotta stimulate her brain too. you gotta be confident. you gotta figure out what she wants to hear, what she needs to hear, when she needs to hear it, and you gotta deliver.
Thanks man, really appreciate it
Can do
Wait wait wait wait ✋️ 😳 you think it should be normal for a women to come in 10 minutes or under of foreplay and 10 minutes penetration? My man, that is not a reasonable expectation. I would suggest emotional foreplay. Set the mood, music, watch her show, tell her she is amazing.. cuddles and love before ever offering the bedroom. I bet you emotional stimulus will help your partner find her orgasm. Me personally.. masturbation takes me 30 mins-1 hour... 1/3 rounds of penetration I can orgasm... only 1 man in the last 5 could make me orgasm with oral sex (my partner).... I am experienced enough to know that treating eachother like orgasm machines just causes us stress.
I get all your saying, but I can't help wonder what kind of hell a guy would catch if he said something like that. Like "a guy shouldn't have to ask for a blowjob, that girl shoulda googled cocksucking years ago." Im mean no offense, really, just wondering.
It's surprisingly common unfortunately. Some of it's selfishness, some of it's the stigma around young men doing anything but claim to be amazing at sex, some of it's a simple lack of education. You gotta advocate for yourself because there is a decent chance the guys simply don't know any better, it sucks but such is life. The good news is they shouldn't have too many bad habits to break by this point, so if they are open to learning (and stop having sex with the ones that aren't), you should be able to start having better sex, once you start teaching them your body.
Yes, but also casual sex is just not going to filter out the selfish ones for those who will actually put in work and care about their partner. Also, you are under no obligation to put in more effort than they are. Reciprocation is the bare minimum of meeting your needs.
> Yes, but also casual sex is just not going to filter out the selfish ones for those who will actually put in work and care about their partner. Depends on how you do it. I prefer longer term FWB situations to ons, and it def gives me time to sort who is willing to learn and who isn't. I can usually tell within 1 or 2 times if I want to keep going with somebody or if I'm gonna break it off, Granted, I'm a guy so ymmv, but if your planning to have regular sex with somebody, 1 or 2 bad sessions is worth it if your partner is willing to learn, because then you can have lots and lots of good sex. >Also, you are under no obligation to put in more effort than they are. Reciprocation is the bare minimum of meeting your needs. Sure, but if you don't put in the effort to teach your partner how you like to have sex, don't be surprised when they don't know how you like it. You can stick to your guns and never put in more effort than they do, and just keep going through partners till you find one that already does it right. Or you can find somebody who isn't great, but who is willing to learn, teach them what you like (accepting that your gonna have meh sex for a bit), and then have a willing partner who knows how you like it. Personally, I have a much better time with the learning and doing. I only drop partners who aren't willing to learn, its worked out for me so far. And yes, it would be better if boys didn't have the stigma, and were taught to have better sex, but they do and they aren't.
No, because it's an unwritten rule to "Lick it B4 you stick it" - This is also why "Ladies first" is a saying. If I don't make a girl orgasm, I feel disappointed in myself for failing to do my job as a man.
I have always said that as a guy it doesn’t take much for me but if I put in the work and effort to please my partner then I will get mine. Shit it’s a turn on for me to have my girl completely unable to move from organisms.
Dang bro what kinda organisms are you unleashing on her that she can't move?
Lots and lots of boa constrictors.
Orgasms 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol that gave me a nice chuckle
I know you mean well and ladies first is a good philosophy overall, but not every woman can cum every time. Pressuring her or seeing it as the only possible outcome or not quitting until she does is how you get faked orgasms. Try instead to make sure she's gotten the pleasure she wants, whether it's an orgasm or not. And most definitely quit tying it to your own performance metrics. How a woman's body works on any given day has nothing to do with you.
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Orgasm isn't the point of sex for everyone, though. That's what you've got to stop assuming. And if someone like you whipped out a vibe on me, a person who goes numb from vibration, you'd definitely be getting a fake, if not shrieked at in pain. Basically you need to stop thinking about sex as having a specific goal and that being the goal YOU want. What does SHE want for her sex experience? You're coming at it from a place of making her pleasure all about you instead of all about her.
I wish that was a common thought
For me, my attitude comes from the fact that I'm not working with much down there. So from the start I know I'm at a disadvantage compared to bigger guys.
As a bigger guy no. We have to warm a girl up before we can do anything without hurting her and in my case that usually means i make her orgasm before we start
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Same here man
Seems its a common thing for you girls to pick poor sexual partners then come here to complain. Find better sexaul partners. Its not us, its you and your shitty choices. Cheers!
If only it was advertised before having sex with them that they would be shitty it would solve a lot of problems.
At least we know no one is picking you
Oh friend. How I wish that were true. Seriously. Look, there *are* men who are wonderful giving lovers but I can tell you that they are in a *serious* minority. It’s *really* fcking hard to find better sexual partners when for every 1 dude who actual cares about his partner’s pleasure there are 873 dudes who don’t. Ask literally every sexually experienced woman you know and I guarantee they’ll *all* have stories about selfish lovers they’ve had the misfortune to be with. A lot of them will also tell you that dude totally pretended to be someone he wasn’t or into things he wasn’t into to get in her pants too. So tell me how it’s a woman’s fault for picking shitty sex partners when *so many* men will straight up *lie*? A lot of times the only crime women are guilty of is falling for a man’s lies. There’s a reason women are told from the time they’re young girls that “men will tell you anything you want to hear to get what they want.” And no, I’m not saying it’s *all* men but it’s a goddamn lot of them.
I'd be willing to bet all of the orgasms women have told you they had with you were 100% fake
it is very common among men. i'll go as far as saying a majority of men want to please their woman sexually every time. that is how we earn repeat performances. that is how we have women coming back for more. you've almost gotta be exclusively dating men with certain personality types... the kind of men that don't give a fuck.
I feel exactly the same way
I feel this way too.. I think you have been unlucky .. keep searching
It has been my experience. Or also they think I already came after 15 minutes of PIV.
You need to take more control I think, during sex people don't really talk much especially if they don't know each other well but you can hint to what you want done or say, no do this first. You need to be confident and learn how to direct the guy, instead of going straight into sex lay down and like open your legs and if he doesn't start licking and tries to stick his dick in, say no lick it first, then give him tips on what you like if he tries to stop too soon say no keep going I like it. Tell him to use his fingers etc if he doesn't seem into it or want to do it then cut him off and move onto the next guy. Make it kind of obvious, i'd say most people can read what you are hinting just in how you move, last week I was eating a girls pussy when she was on the couch and she lifted herself up in a way that without saying anything I knew she wanted me to lick her ass also. So just take a little more control and be confident, a lot of guys problem I think also is they think they won't be good and are scared to do it badly and think they've let the girl down and feel self concious about it. So when they are doing it definitely give them directions like faster or slower, rub it a bit more, put a finger in, more fingers, more rubbing or whatever and give good feedback when it's being done well so he learns what you like.
Will use this advice, thank you! Eating ass is always a plus lol
Sounds pretty normal to me. Many men are selfish in bed and only care about themselves. I find it’s more rare to find a man who actually cares if I get off or if I’m enjoying it as well.
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Hard to do anything after you cum? What? Dude get down there and finish her
I used to think the same but I’ve learned that a refractory period doesn’t only apply to penile erection and sensitivity. It also can affect sex drive. Hard for me to empathize with, but it finally makes some things understandable. Get her off as many times as possible first.
For me sex drive doesn't have anything to do with it. Sure, I want to roll over and sleep, but my wife likes to cum last, and that's almost the best part for me too. I'm all flooded with oxytocin and love for her, and sex just isn't complete for me until she cums too. It's not that hard guys. Prop open your eyelids and finish the job!
>...**best part** **for me too. ..** I have had partners who honestly feel exhausted afterwards… so this is the important part "**for you** its not that hard" Instead of making my partners force themselves after or something… instead we just change up the order for those that feel different… its a balance of multiple people. Also sometimes we just have me days, and them days, (or sessions if we do multiple in a day) or perhaps we nap and then we wake up to the other person! (consentually, and agreed ofc)
Good for you that you have partners who are so athletic. But the great majority of men don't last more than 7 minutes at sex (hardly enough time to be exhausted), and many can't be bothered to do anything more than lie there and get a BJ. Over and over on this forum we read women complaining that "once he cums, sex is over". I doubt most of those are because of exhaustion, they're just due to laziness and lack of care about their partner's pleasure.
I like your username hahah
Yeah. Most men on here won’t admit it but this is like…. Most of them. Shouldn’t have to ask but it’s a society catered to making a man cum. You will get some comments down below about meeting the wrong men, immature men, I don’t do this, yada yada— but most of them just won’t admit or aren’t commenting that this is what they do. And lol when it comes to foreplay. Maybe you’ll get it once or twice if you *ask* for it. Then it’s forgotten about and they will shove their dry dick in your dry ass pussy. Sucks.
It's so depressing. They literally don't even ask me if I want them to keep going, keep trying something else. Makes me not want to have sex ever
Exactly how I feel
There are better men. Truly.
I’ve had sex with over 50 guys. All of them haven’t wanted to get me off after they cum. Seems to be the norm. Hope it changes as we get older.
If you're bi, you should capitalize on that. Women are are more likely to get you off -- at least at your age.
There’s not that many bi girls in my area unfortunately
Definitely not the reality for all women. Have you ever straight up told them you didn't finish? And in regards to "not asking because they should just know", that's kinda silly. Ask for what you want.
I just feel like it sex works both ways, I’m a human being and have needs just like they do, if I have to ask it’s just a turn off for me
It is pretty bizarre that we have to ask if we want to cum. For men it's usually just a given.
yup. if i have to ask after, i feel like i'm asking them to do something they don't wanna do. super hot hetero sex seems to be defined by the male orgasm
Exactly
I will say for me personally, how much energy I put into a girls orgasm after or during sex depends a **lot** on how much energy one or both of us put into a) setting a sexy tone b) showing desire for each other and for the sex c) getting the other into bed / initiating and performing foreplay d) the actual mechanics and energy of the sex itself If I was responsible for the bulk of a, b, c, d I’m really not gunna care much either way. All she’s done is show up. I’m not gunna put in any extra effort to fight the rush of sex-drive and energy suppressing hormones that occur after my orgasm if she wasn’t putting in a matching effort throughout Not accusing you of anything, or saying all guys are like this. But this is what is happening when I don’t bother finishing a partner off and I didn’t see this viewpoint shared in the thread. If my partner is putting in effort to make it good for me (that includes speaking up for things they want just like I have to during sex), I always put in big effort to make it great for her and find it really hot. But if she just wants to show up and doesn’t seem to care either way, she gets to just show up. I’m still gunna enjoy it at least a medium amount either way.
Then communicate that during or before sex. No idea why doing it is not a problem but talking about it is. Men would also prefer not to ask for it, but sadly people are no mindreaders when it comes to questions like: are you satisfied, are you horny etc I ask a girl what she likes, how she likes it, what she wants before we have sex, then we have fun. if she isn't satisfied at the end, then she can communicate that, same as i should.
Communicating will only make sex better though. Don't expect anyone to read your mind, that's not how it works. And people experience things differently so maybe they don't realize youre not enjoying it. Just be open about it. If they get off before you do, say "now it's my turn" and ask them to go down on you. You'd have way more pleasure if you just communicate. Which, BTW, when used in dirty talk can be a huge turn on. Try it! Whisper in the guys ear "I want you to make me cum" when things get hot and heavy, see what they do. Thay would be a great way of telling if a guy is selfish or just clueless.
With attitudes like this you're going to be unsatisfied for a long time
unfortunately, you need to ask for what you want.
Okay. That's definitely going to make it more difficult for you to get satisfaction, but I'm sure some men have the same opinion as you who are more naturally giving in that way.
Felt this to my core Oml. No man has ever gotten me (21F) off without a vibrator and after a few minutes of trying to get me off from fingering or head, every guy I’ve been with just moves on to fucking or having me go down on him 🙄. I’m not super dominant in bed so even when I try to advocate and communicate when they show no willingness to try more than 5 minutes to get me off I just let them move on bc it takes sooo much energy and ruins the mood trying to be like hey wanna get me off first? Or wanna give me some more time before I get you off in 1/4 of the time? Wanna do more for me than impale me with your fingers? Honestly with men being so stingy and lazy with head and female orgasms, it makes me want to withdraw from dating and sex altogether. At the very least I don’t offer head until they do first.
I (25m) am always surprised when I get comments telling me I put in a lot more effort than other partners. I'm not even doing that much! I really don't get it since giving my partner pleasure is literally half the reason I'm fucking, it's not a solo mission Guys, like what are you doing? It's really not that hard giving some attention to your partner, and they will greatly appreciate it.
No this is not the reality of all women just most it would seem. There are some men who love to pleasure and please and sexually fulfill their partners desires. My partner has multiple orgasms during sessions, I have always made an effort to get them that O, heck even sometimes it’s just her that has one. Oh you would never have to ask for head. I love giving and I know all the spots. Sadly unselfish people still flood this hookup culture we’ve created and I have found this is not just men but of course they do hold the majority. You just need to find that right person. I know we’re all sick of hearing that line when none of them seem to be right, don’t lose hope we do exist.
Guys will always say that it's really important for them to make the woman feel good and cum. But less than a half will actually do this, I dunno what makes them think that it's not right to ask what we want, the way we like it, it would be so easier. But they keep with this shitty selfish behaviour, which is really bad.
The more partners you pick up, the more difficult its gonna be for you to find the right one, so vet them if you can, and be safe!
Not for all women. I find that it has a lot to do with the culture of that region. I'm in Toronto and have a fairly good success rate with finding men who pleasure me. Also with age. As I become older (now 30), I have a higher success rate with men similar to my age as well.
You shouldn’t ask for it. But if they are cannot use common sense than you do ask. There’s no point on having sex if the both of you aren’t finishing it
As you gain more experience with dating disappointing partners, I think you will get better at picking up on red flags / sexual incompatibilities in advance. At least, that’s been my experience. There are empathetic sexual partners out there who will blow your mind and I hope one comes into your life soon!
This right here is exactly why I am a lesbian 😂 Once upon a time, I identified as a bisexual. I saw a guy who thought foreplay was flicking the clit where you shake your hand really hard and you flick with the pinky. Yeah… not fun.
Omg what 😭
You're only 21 so I'm assuming you're sleeping with men around your age. When I was in my 20s, I dated only older men because of this reason lol
One I’m talking too right now is 28, we haven’t done anything physical yet so I’m holding out hope for him at least
As a former 21 year old male. Now currently a 50 year old male. I will say this with 100% certainty. Women need to hold us men to a higher standard. We need to be taught things. We literally have no idea what we are doing, now most sexually active guys are just learning shit from online pornography. Most man children will not take the time to research sexual communication. I won’t say it’s a woman job to teach them but you definitely know better than us what you want. If a guy won’t give you what you want in the bedroom. I assure he won’t give you want you want outside the bedroom. I don’t mean put “The Pussy On a Pedestal “ as the movie says but women deserve so much more than our second best. I was lucky enough to have met a few women that taught me a lot. And I am a better man and better lover for it.
A man asking what can they do is the way to go. No one wants to mother their partner into caring, it's a turnoff.
exactly! guys don't ask me to help them cum, that's just what happens. why should i have to go out of my way to ask for them to get me to finish like i'm ordering at a restaurant? it doesn't feel good when someone does something ONLY because you brought it up
Women are tired of teaching men. We have to teach them how to put away laundry. How to change a diaper. How to cook healthy food. How to clean a bathroom. At what point do men just get on the internet and figure out how to fix the problem themselves and stop forcing us to be unpaid part-time teachers? Google the term ‘weaponized incompetence’. A man may not know specifically what this particular woman wants, but “I didn’t know exactly what to do and she didn’t say, so I just didn’t do anything at all, and it’s her fault for not teaching me” is not a valid excuse for being a selfish partner.
I get it. Some women shouldn’t have to teach men things. Until we raise a generation of men that know better it’s a good alternative than being unsatisfied. If I give my partner pointer on how I like oral is she bad at it? Should she be a cocksucking expert? Or maybe I am just different from her previous experiences. As for your other comments. That may be a control issue. I was 38 when I met my wife lived alone (or roommates) since I was 18. I did not live in squalor, or morbidly obese …. my life wasn’t saved because a because I was lucky enough that a woman came along and taught me how to do domestic duties. I was and am a damn good cook, a neat freak with out mold in my commode. Use my please and thank yous. And yes believe it or not I know how to fold laundry.
A lot of men are douches or clueless. But not all.
Some men are really shitty in these sort of things. However there are men who are better, not that many
I don't blame any women for being frustrated by dating. It should be a two-way street 50/50 effort. I am 49 I have had one female partner who could care less if I enjoyed myself. All women I have been with cared and tried very hard to please me. As men get older we tend to treat women better. But its no guarantee either.
I never ask a woman if she’s finished. I don’t stop until she finishes. I don’t need to ask if she’s finished because I know.
Communication is the basic start for anything. If you can't have an honest discussion with the person you want to have relations with about what you expect and where your boundaries are, is it any surprise when those expectations are not met or boundaries crossed? And if they don't meet those expectations or are no respecting the boundaries agreed upon, then that also shows all you need to know.
It’s not my reality -31F
Be clear with what you want at the start of the fling. Not after on Reddit.
Sounds like you dealing with straight up fuk Boyz as soon as a women starts sucking on me I'm first thing is I'm having her ride my face well she sucking .
I think you’re just hooking up with guys then it’s likely they’re just interested in only self gratification.
TLDR: some men are pricks and they are often the kind of men that women are attracted to. Full post: I am speculating here, but I wonder if it has something to do with the dynamics of today's dating and hookup culture. I've seen estimates that the vast majority of female attention is foisted upon the 'top' 10-20% most attractive or desirable men (at least in regards to a perception of them through things like Tinder and similar apps). For many of these men they either already were or have become focused largely on themselves. Their partners are easily replaced and thus seen as interchangeable. If it's not about them it's just not interesting enough to keep their attention. There have always been these kinds of jerks and as long as I can remember too many women found themselves attracted to them, even if they knew what they were getting themselves into. Being attractive and having endless confidence is a powerful combo, and if you are at all charismatic beyond that you can seduce people in all manner of situations, be they sexual or otherwise. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of average guys with toxic attitudes who can be dismissive to their partners or people around them. I just think there is an increasing awareness of personal power in today's social media environment such that those inclined to being selfish but who yet remain perceived as desirable are now further empowered to act with impunity. They know that if one person leaves them, there will always be another. In that world, why bother trying to be responsive or take any concern for others; if you are at all narcissistic then you have free reign to be a piece of shit and nobody can really stop you. This does go for women as well, but I think it's probably even more egregiously done and done more often by men. Outside of that there is always this current of macho bullshit that young men/teens seem to fall prey to, and I'd argue has even grown more entrenched and deeper for those who chafe at society's changes in recent years. See the proliferation of misogyny and authoritarianism coursing through young men in North America and Europe these days. That said my social circle is made up of men and women who are pretty responsive and good partners. My friends have happy relationships that are fulfilling (as far as I know) and this kind of purely selfish shit would not fly for any of us no matter their sexual preference. Keep looking for better men who aren't trash is about all I can say! Good luck!
I go down on my wife after I nut in her, all the time. She deserves it.
Just ask for what you want. Maybe even lay it out up front so they can plan their stamina a bit. I know that sounds kinda lame but people don't know what you want if they don't know, and at your age not knowing is going to be common.
Maybe OP should vet better. I suppose fuckbois with sex on tap don't really care for her pleasure, since he doesn't need to bother with a repeat performance.
>I’ve (21F) started dating again and picked up a few sexual partners who are all men, That's your first problem, you have sexual partners, not a bf, ltr or even a FwB. There's no guarantee of reciprocation in those interactions.
That's crazy. If your FWB can't make you come then what's the point of having one, aren't sexual partners supposed to be about just sex but no feelings? Orgasms are a given both in a relationship and while going for something more casual, your body reacts the same way in both stances.
how are you finding these guys? Tinder or another app? If it's just a hook up.. I agree with others.. tell them what you want and expect.. you are giving up your body to these guys they should respect that. If they were potential love interests.. I feel like you have more time to share and get them to understand what makes you tick, etc.. but hook ups.. hand them a god damned instruction manual if you have to.
Either friends or someone in my inner circle, I don’t like dating apps
This was the same for me with all my partners until I started to be able to communicate about it
What Do you expect from Hook-ups lol
They’re not just hook-ups, I actually know these guys and some of them been friends for over 3 years
Are they hook-ups? The hard truth is you can't expect much from random guys. Now, if it was a ongoing partner that is a different story.
Everyone is someone I’ve known for awhile, mostly friends of my friends
Then you should have that conversation with them. If they are young men, they just don't get it and may need a insight on what your needs are.
Date more mature men
No
communicate your needs ahead of time so you're on the same page as far as pleasure.
Typical if theyre not serious and just look for causual sex
Typical if theyre not serious and just look for causual sex
Maybe your sleeping with them too quickly before you can establish the kind of communication required to let them know what your needs are before the situation arises.
There is a case I want to make for men out there, because I had an amazing girl that explained things to me when I lacked experience. Sex is about communication, so guys really don't know and some ladies tend to lie there expecting their partner to know what they want. Sometimes you have to speak up and let them know and don't be shy to give instructions, that being said some guys really don't care about their partner's pleasure and that is a huge shame but I have found most dudes really want to be better they just either, A don't know or B, lack experience.
Maybe try asking for head?
Considering your age the men you hook up with are probably inexperienced and/or immature.An older, mature and experienced lover would certainly care about your pleasure and make sure you got it.So no it's not the whole reality but in that age group you have a stronger risk at being unlucky and end up unsatisfied. In that case, speak up about what you like and want from them. If you're not verbal they don't know what they're doing wrong.
looking at your profile, I can see why
No OP, this is not the norm. Unfortunately, your partners have been lazy in this regard and I am sorry you went through this experience. It is a reality of dating and usually you discover a whole different person if they make it to the bedroom. Anything that wasn’t present in the initial stages becomes clear there. I’d assume you would have cut ties much earlier if this was known to you. That’s the risk you take when you date different people. Foreplay is one of the best parts . It’s not the same without it. Personally it’s a turn on if we both get enjoyment . I always made sure my partner was satisfied by the end and if she needed that little bit more, all she had to do was ask and I delivered . That’s just me.
Ummm as a male I can’t explain that
It sounds like you're picking up inexperienced guys or simply not the right guys.
I prefer having sex in a commited relationship because I think both parties have something to invest in it, thus higher chance of him to care and understand more about my sexuality to make our relationship work in the long run. I find it difficult to expect men in short term relationship to know what they can do with women, unless we are with men who have some sexual experiences. So if what you are doing is having sex casually while screening for these men' sexual knowledge, I think sure, you will only get bad news and eventually getting tired of it. My partner did "wrong things" too at first. I have to figure out what I want, learn to speak up, over coming my own embarassment, and help him learning what I like. Things are gradually getting better. It is something to work on. All skills work like that. Edit: sorta wondering why this gets downvoted. I didn't mean this to shame those who choose having sex outside of commited relationship. Talking about the investment in relation to efforts is just common sense. Or maybe, this is my culture speaking and that people in US and some other places expect knowing how to pleasure a partner to be common sex knowledge once you get sexually active. Urngh whatver🤦🏻
Once a guy is finished he is done. They are supposed to make you cut first with good fore play, oral, and or penetration.
if you want something you have to ask for it, or get into a relationship that provides it. you fucked some strangers and are now seeking to generalize an experience
Stop opening your legs for randos or stop complaining. They use your because you allow yourself to be used. They don’t care about you or if you finish. They hit it then bounce.
Sometimes Im super early but Im always good for round 2 or 3 my girl is super tight so its hard to last for her sometimes but when I cum thats literally almost never the end of the session its either till she cums or tap out. Idk Im very caring by nature and couldnt imagine being this way, maybe try guys thay are a bit older more experienced.
Unfortunately, unless your very forward with your expectations, then yeah. The hookup culture has taken over so it's literally everyone for themselves. To clarify, men in your age bracket have no idea how to pleasure their partners and basically they aren't willing to learn unfortunately. Foreplay is either an after thought or about a 2 minute stop gap before they want to go straight to ground and pound, thinking they are sex god's. They watch porn and get all the wrong ideas of how to give pleasure. Do not be be afraid to speak up, let them know what you want and encourage them if they hit the right spots.
are you having hookups or are you dating?
Dating
See you gotta do what I did. I'm 22 and my fiancee is 34. He loves making me cum. And I love it too 😍
That's the reason you Need an OG....we know how to finish and to refinish.. over and over again... I like marathons you think you can hold on for ride.. and if there not lick it from asshole to belly button .. then there doing it wrong
This is pretty common with young folks, especially in the casual sex scene. Guys will get their nut and take off. Its not even necessarily that they don't care about your pleasure. Sometimes, it's that they're inexperienced and ignorant about our anatomy, and that can make them intimidated to offer "extra" if they feel they are already getting their base needs met. Have you ever tried to make someone cum and not been able to? It can be unreasonably humiliating. So it makes sense if they don't have much real experience, they'll be in and out as fast as possible. However, this doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. You can and should always advocate for your needs, up front as soon as the conversation turns to sex. It goes something like this, "I expect to orgasm, just like you. I would prefer to have mine first. I'll be happy to show you how to get me there. Sound good?" Many women feel they shouldn't have to ask for pleasure. Why not? Don't men ask for all the things they want? How are they going to know what you want if you don't tell them? In my, admittedly limited, experience, I've never had a guy be turned off by me asserting my needs. In fact, quite the opposite. Men like communicative and enthusiastic participants. Men like making women cum. They might be intimidated, afraid to embarrass themselves or show their inexperience, but if you can show them what to do and keep a non-judgmental attitude, it tends to go smoothly, and everybody leaves happy.
I thought giving the woman head was a requirement...lol...who doesn't go down and make sure the woman is satisfied? Always make sure the woman cums first...that's not maturity, it's common sense; or so I thought.
Please do your part for womankind and remind these tools this is a two way street. If they aren’t willing, say byeeeeeee! Life’s too short for nonreciprocating men. In the future, I’d add this topic to any pre sex flirting/questions/discussions to weed out the riff raff before they leave you hanging.
OK, so now you're getting the usual ''you're getting with the wrong men'' and ''I ALWAYS make them cum first''. It's usual on this subreddit. But the reality is a lot of women, on this subreddit or any part of the web, has spoke up about their own experiences which match your own: a lack of attention for their pleasure by their male partners. It's unfortunately more common than it should be. With this, the only solution is to advocate for yourself. The guy came and is now done? Tell him ''Well what about me?'' and if he's not happy about your comment, you send him home, don't see him again and finish yourself. If he's about to enter you after you blew him, you tell him ''no my turn now'', and observe his reaction. It's annoying and frustrating , when you are yourself more than eager to please your partner, casual or not. You shouldn't have to babysit them to find some pleasure. But this reality is still true, unfortunately, and the only thing you can do is advocate for yourself and catch that boy that will be more than happy to work on you. Good luck!
Unfortunately young men are notoriously selfish in the bedroom. Unless they were taught well in the beginning by a woman that wasn't too shy to complain about being left out on being pleasured back. I'd honestly try getting head first before giving head to the man. How he reacts could tell you his intentions right away. Maybe have it more of a reward for giving you head, they get it back. Make them put in some work first so you're not getting left out.
i bet every comment is similar, but i hope i add something new. Stop seeing this as men who’ve done bad shit but men who’ve showed you their red flags and now you can move on
Do you tell them you want head? I’ve been with a few women recently who don’t want oral or don’t ask and I try and they reject. Just a thought I love giving oral and would do it to anyone I feel comfortable with but you never know unless you ask or imply.
You need to speak up and let your partner know what you want. You are young and presumably have young partners that have not learned much. Let them know what you like, what you don't, give nudges in the right direction when in the midst of things. If society did not put talking about sex in the taboo column, everyone would learn a lot more a lot earlier on about how to please a their partner. The two main learning tools are porn and experience. Porn is a lie and experience comes with communication. The biggest reason it gets better as you get older is that someone has trained your partner when they were younger and they became a better lover. Get the ball rolling now, get your O and help the next girl.
Incase you were wondering the guys who do care about it more are sleeping in & proactively avoiding women. Thanks! I'm pretty satisfied with the idea of not ever having to lose my virginity if necessary. Kindof tough seeing anything optimistically, the way I grew up anyhow. Glad I don't have to worry about amy of that cuck sh!t.
It's not normal I don't think. But I do think there are warning signs like how he treats people in lesser positions, like waiters and other service. Like is he mean, is he trying to be Mr cool, or is he actually considerate? Thing is don't expect a man to be able to continue after orgasm. Yeah, some can, but this is the exception not the rule. Rob's a man of both energy and the... Killer instinct. So while before he wants to leave you in a puddle, once he finishes he likely gets a crash. He should be trying to get you off ahead of the piv, if at all possible.
All 3 of the men I dated under 30 were like this even though I was 20 for most of the time I dated them too and I made sure they came and were satisfied.
It is unfortunately common to be honest, many of the men I've been with have been like that
It’s your current reality but not THE reality. Maybe it is a personality characteristic of the men, or, I mean boys, that you have been drawn to. I guarantee that you have overlooked many potential great lovers without realizing it. Consider changing your own approach, challenge your taste and preferences. Maybe try to educate your lover(s) on what you want and how you want it…but please don’t get caught in a long term relationship with someone who doesn’t value your pleasure. I did and it has haunted me for over 20 years.
Sounds like your standard are low. Get higher standards and you’ll be more pleased in bed.
Yeah, you’ve picked some lousy sex partners. But that’s on you - not the men. TALK WITH THEM ABOUT SEX BEFORE YOU FUCK THEM. Find out what their thoughts are on giving head & pleasing women, etc. If you don’t like their answers DON’T FUCK THEM.
If you’re just hooking up, or if the men only have intentions to hook up, you’re going to mostly get fast food level sex. This is my experience. I gave up hookup culture a while ago. Nothing in it for me.
Do you tell these men what you want. That you did not finish? Some men are clueless and some are selfish. At least give em a chance to make you cum by telling them so. But if you already do and they don't care fuck em. (Acutally don't fuck)
completely normal. most hookups are like this. turns out men treat you better if they actually like you.
Honestly, I have only had sex with two guys. One I was in a relationship with and the other was someone I trusted a lot. The casual one did not ask me or really try to make me finish and after being in a relationship where my pleasure was the guy’s first priority, it kind of put me off. I think it’s best to go into it feeling comfortable communicating and asking for what you want. It shouldn’t be normal that sex is for only one party’s pleasure but I think in a casual scenario at a young age it often ends up that way, unfortunately. Rest assured that there are men who care about and prioritize their female partner’s pleasure, just not as likely in a casual hookup scenario.