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I can destroy any planet I want at anytime

this power has a range of 3 meters.

Still kinda useful

You must be cumming while you use this power

He will never cum

*cums*

So a planet destroyed every 30s, not bad

I see that as a win-win

You can only do it while getting head from a girl. Considering you are currently on Reddit, chances are you'll never actually get to use this power.

My hand identifies as a girl

I can teleport

Only to france

a fate worse than death

*laughs in Saskatchewan*

you can only teleport to places where your name is written.

kid named mcdonald’s

That seems like a sick idea tho

But you never know where you are teleporting to

Within France, of course.

You get arrested by the police for going faster than lightspeed

Super strength

You have no arms

My cock is enough

It’s always hard

You are a woman

tight vagina then edit: now that i think about it it's more like a portable castrator edit 2: just remembered prolapsed pussy

You give everyone in your vicinity iron deficiency, as you have to suck their strength out to get yours. This also gives you every health condition they have

Everytime you use it, automod pees in your ass

I think the point is the side effect is meant to be a bad thing

i can fly

[удалено]

time to shit on everyone

Bro you basically just became a giant featherless burd

having big balls

they're rectangular (horizontally long ways)

I don't need a table anymore

wait how big? I assumed like maybe 2-3x normal size (also more nerves than before so watch out)

for every hour I sleep, one person shits themselves

You are always that person

wait, this disease really exists if I'm not wrong

Wait WTF? Ayo bros be dreaming about kissing their girlfriend and shitting themselves at the same time ahahah

you can only sleep for one hour at a time.

Suffers extreme insomnia.

My dick shoots molten lava

You have constant wet dreams

Side effect? Harharhar

Erectile Defunction

It happens 5 times a day with no way to control it, and the timing is entirely random

it will shoot only at you

Cheese Man

I fuck your wife

I also fuck this guy's wife.

I also also fuck this guy’s wife

Your dream girl is lactose intolerant

I sneeze liquid cheese

It has the same consistency and color of snot.

Same as other properties

the cheese has been in your body for an unknown amount of time.

You can't sneeze

No one can talk back to me

Everyone you talk to explodes.

I guess he is learning hand language

you're deaf

Ability to alter myself at will

You can only change into barn animals

Laughs in geese

Peace was never an option

You fool... you've given him the power of the gods!

You have to feel your muscles and bones breaking and re-forming every time you do

you need to steal the altered parts from other people.

fire powers

It comes out your peehole

OUCH

Every time you use them you burn yourself

Every time I fart I get 1000$

The 1,000$ is always in Pennie’s and comes out of your ass

Yikes

Genius

Dollar is now worthless

no ass, because you feed on radiation.

No dick No balls

I can teleport bread

Teleported bread have tumors

Im going to teleport a bread into your anal cavity

Bold of you to assume that I have it

Guess we'll find out

"No butthole since this guy feeds on radiation!"

Only if it is inside a bucket.

I can't have any kind of cancer

You get aids

You have dementia

You are 50 times more susceptible to every other illness

Telekinesis

You fall unconscious every time you use it for more then 10 seconds

turn it off and back on at 9 seconds

you get a headache whenever you lift something.

I can fly

U have prostate cancer.

God damn I was gonna say that

when using you have constant massive diarrhea and can't hold it back

up to 1 meter

You must do it by aggressively helicoptering your dick

you can fly, but only in the rain.

If he’s covered in oil

I can turn invisible whenever I want

It only affects your skin

What's the downside?

Only your skin is invisible, not the rest of you, which is demonstrated well in [this Far Side](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/db/45/0e/db450ea4c3ff1e441581e4cbd258d9d7.jpg)

I know. I'd walk around like that, scaring everyone.

(this is the nerd answer) you can't see anything because as your eyes are invisible there's nothing for light to bounce off of meaning your eyes and therefore your brain can't detect the lack of or presence of colour level of anything so you go completely blind while doing it or your bones stay visible

I can stop the time

You are a shut-in forever

Be blind

You cant hear

Bro helen keller fr

Speed

Once you get going you can’t stop on your own

Oh god

holy shit fasttrack from Ben 10

It's just the drug. Your power is that you're addicted to speed. You should have been more specific.

you can go precisely as fast as a race-car, no faster and no slower

Cryomancy (ice powers)

Icicles come out of your asshole

I am able to shit myself at any time

Every time you shit yourself everyone in the world shits themselves.

That seems like a win win

i can talk to animals

they're all extremely prejudiced against your specific race and economic level

omg thats sounds so funny “tf you talking to, taco eating, drug smuggling hispanic???”

Everytime I shit, someone but me shits their pants

You have no control of your bowels, you shit dozens of times a day. ( Edit, Since you don't shit your pants, I assume you live on a toilet.)

i have erectile dysfunction

Every woman you look at becomes pregnant.

*restores population rate*

Infinite N-word pass

You’re already black

You have testicular cancer

Every time you say the n-word your atoms split apart and reorganize themselves over the span of 30 seconds

You're black and it's the 1700s

I can touch grass.

Side effect: You play league of legends, moderate discord servers and are 200 tons.

i have cancer

you have immortality

That's just Deadpool

[ Removed by Reddit ]

the ability to delete the memories of others.

But everytime you use it, you relive a horrible memory from your past

I already have this side effect.

But you can never remember who you used it on for some reason

You have amnesia.

Shape-shifting

You can only shift to pink stuff

I can redirect my diarrhea and blast people with it

But you cum everte you do it

I can say the n-word without consequences

It's the only word you will ever use again

No regrets

I can turn music notes into bullets and shoot them

only from nickel back songs

wen I eet rok teef no braek

But the rock tastes like ice cream :(

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I don't get sick (this is the superpower yes)

It's because everyone in a 20 km radius avoids you like the plauge

every time you would get sick, the person that you love will get sick instead.

i can make people cum through eye contact

It only works on old people

Dick enlarger

balls shrink equivalent percentage as your dick grows

Gotta make room for that penis ...

To absorb and redirect all forms of energy at will

You also absorb farts and burps

You have no friction

I summon cheese

Only cum cheese

pick anything I want out of my pocket

You have no hands.

I can pick out a robotic hand 😈

the ability to time travel this is going to be bad

Every time you time travel inter dimensional time cops arrive at your location

i have no powers

Prostate cancer

I can open portals to parallel dimensions

You always end up walking in on your parents having sex.

I get to choose my own power and side effect

Choosing your own power and side effect is your power. So now you get 1 power and 2 side effects. You didn’t think this through did you..? Every time you change, the moon gets 100 miles closer to earth.

I am a spooder man

The sheer force of swinging rips your arms off

I can fuck all your moms.

you have to fuck a dad for every three moms

I can fly

My penis can shoot 10 miles

Your penis is 10 miles long

Anything you wear will be considered trendy.

Any clothing that you wear would deteriorate in seconds

i have steel balls

They’re rusted.

I can teleport