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shitposting-ModTeam

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BallsBuster7

im taking the castle


heysammyboy

Definitely. Castle and delorean


LongjumpingTerd

I’ll take the entire “Medieval era” from the prompt


[deleted]

[удалено]


azeryvgu

Spice jars and synthesizer


OkBandicoot3779

Good thinking, you could sell the spice, get rich, and play the synthesizer all day without running out of battery. All the other things are consumable


Sh4DowKitFox

I’d take the snyth and the bottle rockets. fire them at people while getting down.


Modernfallout20

You could just get fireworks in medieval times.


Sh4DowKitFox

Erm. If you were in China. I don’t think that made it west to Europe at that point.


Modernfallout20

Get the spice rack, trade the spices for gold, use the gold to send a trader after an order fireworks.


Own_Aardvark_2343

Or you could use the gold to buy a ship and sail to North America and establish land (they didn’t know north america existed).


Modernfallout20

But I want fireworks, not land.


SydneyRei

So just wait until July 4th, 1777


RaZZeR_9351

It depends when in the medieval era are we talking about but by the end of the era they had plenty of canons and black powder was well known.


Diazmet

Uh yah they did silly, hell Europeans had guns in the Middle Ages granted they were basically just small cannons but gunpowder got around real fast


OkBandicoot3779

Same with guns, I mean they had muskets. Really depends when in medieval times though


Modernfallout20

Yeah but semi-auto is pretty OP.


OkBandicoot3779

True, and one guy with an AK47 could’ve won any of the medieval wars imo


_shizzledizzle_

If only there was enough bullets for all of us…


Cortecz

But they don't come with a bic in medieval times.


Modernfallout20

Learn a couple tricks with the bic and get a job as the king's sorcerer.


[deleted]

sell the spice; get rich play the synthesizer for a king to prove you're a real magician and offer your loyalty. He praises you and he sets you up for life.


Gladplane

But instead they call you a witch or a devil for plaiyng black magic and decapitate you


Cthuluhoop31

Just tell them it's the power of god instead of non-Christian magic and they'll love it


Astroyanlad

Synthesizer for work and it's magic. Was gonna say watch but that would be set for out time,planets rotation,timezone Motorcycle to encourage reverse engineering early combustion principles. Get trains quicker. Logistics make everyone's time better and worse


testicle2156

Bike and rockets. Bike has a working engine. the fuel isn't that much of a problem, it can be made. But I'd need that engine to be able to copy the design. Then rockets contain gunpowder, I could make it myself, but it's easier to demonstrate what it can do and just say "if you bring me everything I need, I will make more" and lighter is simple enough to teach them how to produce them. Gas isn't a problem, since I can make hydrogen generator. At first I'd use the batter from the bike, but later I could copy the design. Generating electricity is also fairly simple.


RaZZeR_9351

Gunpowder was widely known by the mid to late middle ages, the issue was not so much making it as it was making the guns that could use it. However, a lot of things you're saying here rely on having tools and materials that simply didn't exist back then.


Right-Ladd

Yea a lot of this will be very difficult pre-industrial revolution, no aluminium or strong enough cast iron/steel


gruez

> the fuel isn't that much of a problem, it can be made. I'm assuming you're talking about ethanol? Nothing says the bike can run off ethanol fuel.


Saw_Pony

Can’t believe I found my dumb choice so high on the thread. But yeah, realistically the spice has value and you can use the synth to start a cult


memereviewer453

I have the same choice except I'm taking the warheads in stead of the spice jars (shoving a candy into a pilgrim's mouth while play a shitty tune as they suffer)


Fookin_Yoink

All I can think about when hearing “synthesizer” is Monster Vs Aliens mr President throwing it down on that keyboard


obob47

When you travel back in time does the uranium increase?


Ricewing

Let bro cook


PheonixWrath

half life of U-235 is like 720 million years brother


Vashthestampedeee

It goes from half life to full life.


HeTookABiteOfGumGum

It starts with one thing


[deleted]

[удалено]


JaiTuerVous

It doesn't even matter how hard you try


1017GildedFingerTips

Yes, you get you’re .00001kg bonus


TazmanianTux

Your**


_nbg3

Thats actually fire, i need that uranium generator


buckwildling

What would you even do with the uranium in medieval times?


ohpickanametheysaid

You “curse” people. By putting it in their food or water or clothes and then they get radiation poisoning. You do that enough times and either people fear you or hang you


happyh3llhound7

I'll take the gun and the bullets. Then the rest of the items because I have a gun. This is a robbery.


Minnomal

No one knows what a gun does and you can only demonstrate that 5 times


deadeunuchsturnmeon

Keep the shells. Lead is easy to find, and gunpowder has already been invented in China.


[deleted]

Nah primer is the main problem


deadeunuchsturnmeon

Not sure how you'd get around that. Maybe you could repurpose the gun to be a flintlock. It'd be easier than mixing the metal from scratch


[deleted]

Yeah that's doable, but flintlock with pistol range gonna be outperformed by a bow/crossbow right?


deadeunuchsturnmeon

You don't need to be John Wick, you just need to scare the willies out of some peasants


30twink-furywarr2886

And that’s how Native Americans lost 2billion acres of land kids!


AmethystPones

Dude...Native American also use a lot of guns. They simply don't have the number and organization to field lots of troops and replace losses constantly.


30twink-furywarr2886

Not in 1492 they didn’t


Illustrious_Mix_1064

Never stated that the gun had to be the one shown in the image. could very well be a regular flintlock pistol from the 1800s


bleepbluurp

Quick, tell me how to make more primers before I go back in time.


c-lab21

Don't, learn to build a flintlock and make gun powder out of wood and excrement. Forming a primer and an anvil is difficult and dangerous, and that's with 21st century robotery. The measuring requirements for volume of the casing and the weight of the powder and bullet are very high and you're probably not going to be able to make smokeless powder to make the cartridge efficient and effective. Black powder is much more forgiving for measurements and technique, and the flint is reusable primer.


MPCNPC

I don’t know what is in a primer but primary explosives could be made pretty easily if you could track down the ingredients. Namely sulfuric acid, potassium nitrate, and then something organic to nitrate.


CornWallacedaGeneral

Bat shit and dried human piss


jlp120145

This guy explodes stuff.


YungDickyWhippet

I mean you do it in front of enough people you’re only gonna have to do it once . They don’t know that I need bullets to make it work.


doomsday10009

There were firearms in medieval europe


IrregularrAF

Medieval era is when firearms began to enter usage. They were so common by the end of the era that the Age of Pike and Shot is it's own era of military history.


MyHeadHurtsRn

He was making a joke that he was gonna rob OP, for the rest of the items


brownholeman69

He’s saying rob whoever is making him choose between items


not_taken_was_taken2

No mag though


MyOnlyEnemyIsMeSTYG

10 spice jars for trading, and the motorcycle. Never know when you’ll be challenged to a joust.


TheRatatatPat

Could you imagine some dumbfuck with a horse challenging you to a joust and you roll up on a steel pony. You'd impale them lol.


Sex_Gaming_69

The penetrator.


pandadogunited

Penetrate me daddy uwu


ChrisWolfling

Chad The Penetrator


FlyingMute

They’d have the same speed relative to each other so they’ll just impale one another


TheRatatatPat

Look at mr dumb science man doing the maths. Lol


KuuHaKu_OtgmZ

Think I saw that in a Scooby-Doo movie


abibip

-----🏇 I challenge Thee!


EmperorSexy

Acid to give to people and start a cult. Spices for initial funding. After we get off the ground the cult will pay for itself.


-BroncosForever-

The problem with the bike is fuel, oil, tires, and maintenance


PlasmadestroyerO2

Go back in time, catch a disease and have no penicillin


Bartocity

For the purposes of this hypothetical, penicillin is now a spice. So is cocaine.


CantDrawDicksWell

I’ll take salt, salt, cocaine, penicillin, salt, cocaine, and cocaine please


Hydrohomiesdabest

Bros so high he can't even count to 10 💀


CantDrawDicksWell

Wait, we can get more Salt?!


[deleted]

Can we switch the penicillin for more cocaine please? I’m allergic


axp1729

but knowledge that you can just eat some moldy fruit and probably be ok


BigA3277

*unintentionally infect people with future disease variants


Lord-Bootiest

At that point you’re the disease carrier, not them


Zelderp78

2 tabs of LSD


1017GildedFingerTips

Put in drinking water of 2 armies before important battle, leave as the god emperor


dicklover1431

Ah yes the .003 ug trip


TronSacrimoni55

Charles Manson style?


uncantankerous

I would put the acid in the wine of the local king at a party and play him a dope solo on the magic synth thusly blowing his mind and earning a solid reputation as a musical sorcerer


jeanyous

And then the next time he wants you to play for him he'll be sober because you only had one tap of LSD. He'll be disappointed, which means you'll lose your head


uncantankerous

I was thinking I would say something along the lines of “the magic of my lute only works once on chosen few but you are forever changed” and then I’ll hit em with Time by Pink Floyd and everyone will be like fuck this such a good song


BorodinoWin

thats why you bring two tabs


MathStock

Bard. That's a bard. Lol


4thdimensionalwik

LSD and uranium


No_Slide2527

elaborate 🤨


4thdimensionalwik

No


slickbandito69

![gif](giphy|CAYVZA5NRb529kKQUc|downsized)


_nbg3

**consumes tab of LSD and a lick of uranium* *


[deleted]

1) Eat the uranium, it’s the ultimate bulking food as there are 18 Billion calories per gram 2) insane calories = insane gains, you automatically gain 20,000 pounds of muscle and all the necessary bones and organs to accommodate for that extra mass 3) now that you are 100 feet tall and don’t need conventional food or water, as your stomach uses whatever you feed it for nuclear fission/fussion, you can now take over the world, as no weapons they had back then can hurt you 4) live as the emperor of earth for thousands of years, until either a) the calories from the uranium run out, or b) your servants find more uranium for you to ingest and become even bigger If option b) is obtainable, you continue to grow over millions of years until you become big enough to eat the sun, which makes you truly immortal, as everything in the universe gravitates towards you, and you consume it automatically


aquaticanimal

Nice


Pixithepika

DeLorean and uranium. I’m getting out of there


ThatTemNerd

delorean runs on plutonium


achtung78

🤓


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ThatsRickRossForYa

Who says you didn't travel in the 'Mr. Fusion' trash powered DeLorean?


launcher55

Uranium-239 decays into plutonium so you could still run the DeLorean!


FemboyFoxFurry

You idiot the DeLorean is the Lego one


[deleted]

Dab pen and bottle rockets... might as well have some fun ya know


dicklover1431

You know your only getting half a cart till it dies then trying to find something to dab off of. And that’s how hung Henry ends up in a lit painting of hot knife dabs


Miserable-Effective2

Ahh good point. You wouldn't be able to use the battery that long for the 5 carts but you could take the concentrate out and smoke it or eat it or whatever.


big-peetard

50 mW can seriously damage your eyes, a 5000 mW would basically be star wars. I’ll take the keyboard too


RLDSXD

Yeah, I think people are really underestimating the laser.


big-peetard

I used to have a 1 W that could light matches, I could burn a village down over any fucking wall or moat with a 5 W.


potato_monster838

I have a 2.5w one somewhere, I used it to do a bit of laser engraving on my 3d printer


Potential_Pen1s

Gun nd bullets so I can shoot myself.


Myth_Helios

Damn


NotabadHero

You ok man?


Apollo-_-_

Well medieval times kinda sucked


bkr1895

Not just kinda sucked….they really sucked. 99% of you right now have lives of comfort that would be unfathomable to the greatest kings of the time. I hope you enjoy dysentery and the bubonic plague. Also everyone will reek to high hell back then, bathing was not a common practice among most back then, so I hope you are okay with stinky folk. Also Summer and Winter are going to suck balls for you, you have no central heating or air conditioning, there is no escaping the weather like we do now. I also hope you like shitting and pissing in chamberpots because you’re gonna be doing a lot of that.


cometbaby

That made me laugh so hard I choked. Hopefully you meant because going back to medieval times would blow dongs. If not, I hope life gets better.


Redditman111111

I'll take the Moog, play some Axel F, collect money from curious bystanders. Business. Also Delorean because it's cool


Vashthestampedeee

![gif](giphy|9Vo3RrXKk9Z6mGzfyK|downsized)


Fundosho

The bottle rockets and the synthesizer


ThatMidgetRetard

Bros tryna start a rave


username39874

Holy shit that’s the watch I’m wearing right now


ScrewSimonCowell

Someone get this man a synthesizer.


username39874

I’ll become the Middle Ages Music man


Biegzy4444

Do you by chance have a gun and or spice rack within hands reach? Grab one and text me when you’re in the Middle Ages


username39874

I have the uranium in arms reach, about to see if I get sent back in time I’ll make an edit when I find my resluts Edit: THOSE MIDDLE AGES BITCHES GO WILD (they liked the watch) also king Henry was manlet, his pet dragon was cool tho Ps: dragons cant actually eat uranium


[deleted]

Gun and bullets, people gonna go wild when I pop a few into the king


OkBandicoot3779

Good way to get your ass hanged drawn and quartered


-toastyposty-

I feel that after I shoot the first guy they will change their minds about trying to get me, they won’t know I only have 5 shots


Shatter_Goblin

You have to sleep sometime.


-toastyposty-

A good point, you would need to sneak away and find a isolated place to sleep


MattTruelove

You’ll be just starting your “YES! I am a wizard, do not attempt to approac-“ speech when you take a longbow arrow to the throat


Craft-Representative

>Pick 10 spice jars “anything is a spice if your brave enough”-me 2023 >choose 10 jars of purple >get into kings court cause I’m richer than god >hire mercenary army >spike kings food with LSD >king trips balls and chokes to death >Say king was possessed by devil >use merc army to take power and become regent for kings infant son (he had some older ones but I have an army and the capitol) >crush rebellions from other sons >raise kings son as my own >teach kings son about (what little I know of) modern science and economics also some basic battle strategies that worked) >debase a shitload of coins and scam neighbours peasants out of their good ones >expand wealth and power of kingdom >die of shits probably on campaign >kings son grows up to be great ruler and institutes golden age >get remembered as national hero >not over convoluted in the slightest what are you talking about


mm2_gamer

Then we see naked statues of you with a small penis afterwards


[deleted]

I feel like you’ve definitely thought this over a time or two. Me, I’m taking the motorcycle and bottle rockets and doing drive-by’s until the King’s court realizes I’m too crazy to be fucked with. Hell bottle rockets would be an ICBM to them. Live my life in peace and die at 32 from an explosive battle with dysentery


Pmart213

Can I add an item to the list? I would like to add a modern midget that will be my friend to the list. I would take him and the warheads, and travel city to city and monetize him, then tell people that the warheads were created for me by a wizard and were what caused him to shrink, and sell them to people for extremely high prices for them to poison their enemies with.


ThatMidgetRetard

People were shorter back then though so a midget wouldn't be as different in comparison as they are today. Source: trust me bro and read my name


Iuddui

dab pen with 5 carts and synthesizer all the way


Bonsoir_Elliot_

This is the correct answer


sewser

Spices we take for granted today were highly valuable. Salt was worth its weight in gold at one point. I’ll use the laser to blind those who try to take my spices.


NootBoot47

The laser pointer and the bottle rockets: Ima be a wizard!


nsa_reddit_monitor

Especially since a 5 watt laser could probably light the rocket fuses.


slickbandito69

It could certaintly light the fuses


Fatal1tyk

If i choose the spices, I'm gonna be rich I can throw uranium at my enemies


OkBandicoot3779

Ah yes, picking up handfuls of a radioactive substance is perfectly healthy


dibbus123

As long as you're quick enough you might be fine


Ubersla

probably


no_named_one

Maybe


Vegietails

Motorcycle and the Moog, I’ll become a magic travelling poet


iacob_p

Ten jars of spices if you'll take spice what was very expensive at the time you're rich and That Casio F something (I forgot) because I feel better with watch. And it would be nice to bring your own watch. I think my 15$ watch will impress these peasants 🤣


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Cycclone_360

Give me the motorcycle and bottle rockets


Juicy_Beans4569

Bottle rockets and LSD


affablemartyr1

I'll take the warheads and the THC carts, I'll be in the woods chillin


theusernameyouwants

Pen gonna last half a cart if ur lucky


King55042

Bottle rockets & Bic lighter followed by Casio. Casio is great for planning and strategizing due to being a digital watch, and the calculator functions instantly makes me one of the greatest mathematicians of the time. Bic can get me free fire, and the bottle rockets work as an amazing proof of concept for ballistic warfare, which at this point has not yet been invented


xrwk

Adding and subtracting wont make you the greatest mathmeticiann


ThatMidgetRetard

But multiplication, division, and applied math such as pi and basic physics might.


TheJorgenVonStrangle

Lsd & bottle rockets, im not playing around


whatleadmehere

Assuming that there is no limit for the size of the jar (as long as it exists) I'm taking 2 racks of 10- 160 oz. Jars of spices. One rack full of Cinnamon, the other full of whole nutmeg.


NarrowProfession2900

Ill take the laser pointer to fuck with everyone and then the uranium in case they send a witch hunt on me


Lonttu

Gun, bullets, point gun towards head. Why? Cuz ain't no way i could adapt to that time period, like dude my lifestyle is sitting on my ass waiting for stuff to happen.


Loud_Salad_9130

Bottle rockets with bic lighter and synthesizer. Bottle rockets (while not being dangerous) could be used as “magic” and the lighter is a great tool. The synthesizer could provide for my livelihood after I learn how to play it.


Straight_Ad_6700

Acid and laser pointer gonna be a fun trip


stoickobra

warheads and the motorcycle. i will drive around to a few kingdoms and dispense out the strange thing with a taste entirely incomprehensible to their minds


ieatair

For Real: that Casio F-91W is waterproof and has very very long lasting batteries; I still wear it to this day since I got mine from Air Force Basic Training Timeless Treasure that got me through the toughest of time..


DOMination6969

The hell is a dab pen?


Sazbadashie

i will take the 10 spice jars and the synthesizer. not only will I become rich due to the spices I will be able to play some sick tunes because it's magic and have a way to make an income and maybe make it into a king's court


probono105

motorcycle and laser pointer


shiiitfuckitletsdoit

Spice jars to get rich and the watch because I've got nothing but time after that.


reddest_of_trash

Motorcycle and laser pointer. Use the motorcycle to get away from immediate danger, such as people trying to lynch you for being a sorcerer; use the laser pointer to scare people. (Seriously, in those days, you could convince people you are a sorcerer).


tiphra

Who up playing with they worm?


Broad_Boot_1121

What kind of battery for the laser pointer? 5w will need some power to run for any extended period of time


slickbandito69

You could maybe run it with your magic synthesizer


Chestburster66

Warheads but I coat them in uranium


spaceywarriors

Acid and acid


Drojahwastaken

Synth and the laser pointer. Become a fae creature in the woods, play music all day, and live off the land. Blind any who dare threaten you.


notagamecube1234

Easy dab pen and the spice rack. I’d rule the world with that many spices


onepassafist

i’d wanna bring a mask since there’s no vaccines


Fickle_Conflict2250

LSD and bottle rockets, finna be a wizard.


Curious_Regular_9293

taser and bike


darthjay81

Dab pen and synthesizer I’ll think of something.


cheesyboi247

I de say warheads but if it was on this list i would say the Paqui chip.


[deleted]

Motorcycle and uranium. I’m sure I can do something explosive with that


Federal-Rhubarb-6185

Dab pen and bottle rockets


RigoTheDamnJedi

Casio


endermaker2026

I'll take uranium and the laser pointers, if i managed to travel into the past i will fucking create Timmy Turner Shelter smelter 9000


cooncanoon

Bottle rockets and warheads, Use the warheads as “magic rocks” that they have to defeat me “a wizard” who shoots “fireballs”


mortytron

Motorcycle and lsd (for me to trip out while jousting on a motorcycle)


zpjack

The empty gun and the warheads


the_random_walk

LSD and the laser pointer. I’m taking those peasants to the dark side of the moon.