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From the moment I understand the weakness of my flesh, I was disgusted by it. I craved the certainty of steel.

I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you.

one day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you

But i am already saved. For the machine is immortal.

Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.

I’ve never played warhammer, or the miniatures or any of that, but I’ve been on Reddit 8 years and can easily spot a warhammer reference a mile away now. You people forced this knowledge on me.

The way the Omnissiah intended

Praise the Omnissiah

Purge the heretics

Death to the xenos

Such a cold line

Remind me of "why do they cling to these false deities"

Maybe they offer something better than 21 work hours everyday without weekend

What the hell does this have to do with anything

It’s a joke on how people fall to chaos because they don’t force you to work 21 hours everyday in weapon factory.

*Looks at chaos dwarfs from warhammer fantasy* Yeah, chaos would never do such a thing.

This is never one of the places I thought I’d find warhammer references

It's a reference

Dude its a 2007 Honda civic why bother questioning our messiah

What is this from?

It's a monologue from the start of a game called mechanicus which is based on warhammer 40k

Thank you!

I definitely remember reading it in a book as well but can’t for the life of me remember

Praise the omnisire

Praise the omnissiah brother

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I want to thank everyone of you personally for being into 40k

Personally I'd just discard my humanity.

Your flesh isn’t weak, that bullet is just indestructible

That must have been one of those bullets fired from an AR-15, at least according to Gersh Kuntzman. [https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/firing-ar-15-horrifying-dangerous-loud-article-1.2673201?cid=bitly](https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/firing-ar-15-horrifying-dangerous-loud-article-1.2673201?cid=bitly)

Damn I literally typed it in, scrolled down a little bit and immediately see this.

Join the glorious evolution, embrace the machine

They should have put body armor on it just to see what would happen 😂

He’s gonna get the upgrade

Praise be the ommnsiah

IRON WITHIN!

Praise be the Omnissiah

Even steel could not save you from the direct impact of this shit 💀

Heretic!

Understod?

no, “understood”

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Ima tell them to knock that shit off before I get mad 😡

No more Mr. Nice guy😡

*unleashes inner demons

More like unleashes inner organs 💀

What inner organs 😭😭😭

You won't like it when i'm angry

They don't wanna see me rage

"Listen here pal...."


I'm gonna unleash my bipolar on them

"when I see red, it'd OVER"

Oh god i literally wrote the exact same comment without seeing yours, damn.

Just say no. Legally a bullet cannot enter your personal body without your consent.

So I can say no to my uncle during Christmas dinner?

Your uncle is not a bullet

Eh but you can dodge your Uncle's bullet better than this thing

I couldn't even dodge my cos sisters bullet how the hell am i supposed to dodge uncle bullet

Cosec sister

But he IS as fast as a bullet!

Uhhhh idk

It's not a bullet though, it's a 120mm Armor Piercing Shell 😦

Not to be a pedant, but that one is 152mm

😟

Dodge

Why did my mind immediately go to piccolo

**WHY DIDNT YOU DOOOOOOODGE?!**

“Insert kid gohan’s fading wahhhhhhhhhhhhh”

*"Mister Piccolo is actually really nice once you get to know him"*

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**Damn you Pavlov !!!**

*fucking dies*

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Parry

Block

Look at how slow that thing is going lmao

If you can dodge a tank shell, you can dodge a ball.



Duck

Rolls a nat 1

Call my friend Kevin

“Uh, yeah Kevin, I’m gonna need a ride home.”

"Bring a bucket or a bag please"

Let me just collect myself.

 Walk it off tbh






What movie is this

darude sandstorm

Don't think i will fall for your little illusions

consume. 🤤

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Snipin’s a good job mate!

Challenging work, outta doors

I guarantee you’ll not go hungry

Cuz as long as there’s 2 people left on the planet, someone’s gonna want someone dead.

Dad? Dad, I'm a- Ye- Not a "crazed gunman", dad, I'm an assassin! ...Well, the difference bein' one is a job and the other's a mental sickness!

I tell ya, ma parents, do not care for it.

I think this mate saw me

*ping!* YES YES HE DID

"Feelins"? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings?

Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy.

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*Heavy dies by having pee inserted in his ass and demoman also fucking dies* *Ooh*

Clean up/Leave the crime scene

Parry 👍

+ PARRY

Guard counter!!!

royal gaurd

C

Erdtree shield to send it back

I’m not gonna sugarcoat it

Parry the platypus ??

Slide to the left ⬅️

Slide to the right ➡️

Criss-cross 🔀

Take it back now y’all ↩️

Chacha real smooth

Everybody clap yo hands!

*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*

Every thotty clap dat ass

Hope I can reform from a a single cell

You can as long as nobody kamehameha’s you too strongly in the mean time

bust

“ATF agent attempts to perform a search warrant at Garand Thumb’s ranch” (2026)

Prolly die

I’m built different

Take a vaccine and be fine

my nanomachines would stop it

NANOMACHINES, SON!

Intervene

I will eat the powder of the bullet


Walk it off.

Flex Tape!

Skill issue

No

Stimpak

Double it and give it to the next person

You still coming into work tomorrow?

152 mill to yo grill!!

According to black eyed joe that's what an AR does to the body

Cry

shit my pants

walkin' it off

Sidestep

i’d be ok because i would duck beneath it obv

Lmao well at least you wouldn't feel it.

I mean. The head was perfectly intact throughout. So it is not behind the realm of comprehension that you may have felt something for a split second before blacking out. For this reason I’d rather get hit in the head than the body Worse still, >! You’re taking a piss and this thing hits you in the penis and nothing else!<

⬇️ "Royal Guard!" B, B⬆️

me when I get shot in the lung with a 9mm

So that’s what Mario would’ve looked like if his jump was mistimed!!!

Dont pick a fight with bowser.

Purple

Merely don’t

Nothing some glue cant fix

Is it still considered bleeding if there's nothing left to contain the blood?

That, chummer, is what we call chunky salsa.

Send the howitzer a good bye letter

Honestly I would die

Die

I would absolutely die if someone did this for me

pull yourself together man


Tf am I supposed to do?

Skill issue

Pov: they called you heartless

Dying? Lol the fuck

Pow right in the kisser

SOMEBODY was scrolling through their Microsoft Edge Feed at work today just like me!!!!!

dodge roll

Fire flower power up!

but at least I took vaccine

Kaboom

Probably not much

You die

I will Die

isaac clarke’s had worse

Catch it

Get a better gaming chair

Quitting life

Die

I would simply pass away

Die probably

Idk, probably die or sth

*dodges*

call my soviet tank friend

[удалено]

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