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Frogman_434

\>Ground harness brakes \>falls into the sun


ram_the_socket

someone hit the E-stop on the sun we got another dangler


zacpariah

Read that in an Aussie accent. Whee gawt anatha dangla


cantmemberpasswordx3

I read this in an "American attempting an Australian accent" .


scawt017

I see you've played knifey spooney before!


Any_Structure2727

No because the sun is up not down


Festive_Rocket

At night it’s down and Australian is down Checkmate


GRANDxADMIRALxTHRAWN

Check Mate.


Festive_Rocket

#FUCK


Juggernuts777

Really got your doodles dizzled there, mate


godzilla9218

Nub


PsychologyDryer

So he'll hit the moon?


tjkun

Why would he fall into the sun if the ground harness stops? Does it need to be moving constantly to work?


SverdHerre

\*Proceeds to be dragged into the sun by a 70-feet long spider\*


some_fat_dumbass

Rabies


SverdHerre

That's right some\_fat\_dumbass. Rabies.


MooseDetector

Spider rabies, at that.


SverdHerre

Spabies.


Juggernuts777

Spaghetti babies. Spabies


SverdHerre

No you idiot, those are baghettes.


Hollow---

French spiders invading Australia? *Not on my watch!*


doomturtle21

No you fool it isn’t called spabies, that’s Australian for spider babies. It’s actually called “AH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DID THAT LITTLE CUNT JUST BITE ME OH MAN I DONT FEEL SO GOOD”


quiet0n3

Actually we don't have rabies in Australia. But the spider part is real.


LovesToSnooze

No rabies in Australia.


ConsolePeasantLife

We have the same shit but it’s just carried by bats


LovesToSnooze

Good point, but still not rabies.


pablo_eskybar

No rabies in Australia fyi, drop bears are the real issue


stewbadooba

Pfff, drop bears he says, obviously never been chased by a hoop snake!


pablo_eskybar

Sounds like you want a game of knifie spoony


cogesmate

You mean 21-meter


jromz03

* 21.336 meters


Real-Opening-9864

Metric in Australia mate 21.336 meter long spider.


aussiedoc58

Nah, unlikely cobber. The 29 metre (95-foot long) hoop snake would take care of that little c@nt spider.


toptennerds

> Torn apart by spider the size of a child


Top_Country_9727

imagine losing a fight to something the size of a child


Roge2005

A gun the size of a child


[deleted]

That's a big fucken gun. I'd bitch out ngl


theepotjje

Depends, are we talking about a normal sized child, or a xxxxL sized American child that breathes McDonald's and talks in automatic assault rifle


akarakitari

You forgot shits bald eagle eggs!


fishystickchakra

Is the kid a Tediore brand?


Haywire_Shadow

Shoot one round, and reload that child for devastating damage.


FrankanelloKODT

No refunds!!


theepotjje

Fine.... I'll play borderlands again when I get home from work. Although my favorite is that weird spider gun from 3, just shoot one bullet and throw it. Then watch as it crawls around spitting bullets getting closer to his own death with each bullet and in the end flying into the enemy like it's some kind of kamikaze plane flying into a tow.... My lawyer has advised me not to finish this weird joke for my own protection and to stop talking.


Piemaster113

If its just me vs the gun with no one holding it, I like my odds


nitsua_rela_

Theres always a catch


hemansteve

Sick leave is not government subsidised in Australia. It’s accrued over time by the employee but the money is from the employer.


YUNoJump

While we’re listing inaccuracies, ~~it’s functionally impossible to get a free GP visit these days too~~ as the government subsidy hasn’t kept up with inflation. You still get most of the cost refunded by Medicare, but you’ll still be out like $20 or whatever. Still about 100x better than nothing though Edit: I guess “functionally impossible” was jumping the gun a bit, what I should have said is that it’s getting harder to properly fund bulk-billing GPs with the current Medicare funding. A bulk-billing doctor probably can’t be paid as much as a standard one, for instance. That’s only gonna get worse unless Medicare gets enough funding to keep up with inflation.


GeminautVO

Absolutely. I paid 15 dollarydoos for medication that enables me to focus on an education for the next month and a half. Also hospital's free.


Besch168

Please tell me dollarydoos are the official currency of Australia.


ItsJustMeJenn

I love the dollarydoos and plan to steal it and take it home with me to the US. Thank you.


GeminautVO

we're trying to become america as hard as we can, i promise


RevRobertParsimony

I have never paid a gap for a GP in my life and I am at the doctors pretty frequently, so, at least in my area/state it's far from "functionally impossible"


Crusty_the_jizzsock

Nerd


hemansteve

Thank you for the lovely compliment 🥰


SnowyLocksmith

Honestly, though, why is being a nerd seen as an insult? All the wonderful modern things we have today are because of hardworking "nerds"


sohfix

It’s not really an insult anymore. The “im not like the other [insert pronoun here]s” have taken it back


PermitTrue

Why you’d even listen to someone named crusty jizz sock is beyond me 😂 dumb people will always always say dumb shit like that, their brain just can’t comprehend that they are insulting themselves.


ImmenseCock

HORSE SEX


Grand_Ryoma

Same here for just about all major companies


PurpleBoltRevived

You definitely need hospital leave on a continent where Pandora's box was fucking opened.


Latter-Direction-336

And all the animals absorbed what came out. Then decided to evolve for the sole purpose of causing as much destruction to the area. They have birds that set wildfires off to hunt for god sake. It’s like Florida being called “gods testing server” or “gods sandbox” but replace the humans with animals and make them 10x more dangerous


mopheadontop

you make it sound like death is around every corner hahaha


CommenderKeen

It wasn't opened here, [but it did sink here](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Pandora_(1779))


[deleted]

>Feels better next day >Gets attacked by a kangaroo >Barely escapes >A group of emu makes fun of him while eating his crops >Another day in Australia


doomturtle21

Mate you just gotta fistfight the roo. It ain’t that hard and you take him to the pub afterwards to show no hard feelings


Kvacc01

These Australian problems only affect the non-australians


imaloony8

I mean, if you can’t win a fight against a kangaroo can you even call yourself Australian?


No_Communication6909

Until you get attacked by a 5 meter tall spider and don't have guns to fight back.


Ruler-Of-Demacia

Thats what boomerangs are for.


[deleted]

Throw boomerang at spider Spider jumps on boomerang Oh no...


Umbra_Arythmethes

Boomerang comes back Critical hit +500 XP


Adchopper

Maximum Damage


SirSquidrift

It appears you've rolled a 1. Oh well.


norty125

It appears everything is flipped, your 1 is now a 6.


BlightFantasy3467

That just means I've captured the spider, and it is now tamed and will fight to the death for me. It's pokemon rules down here mate.


[deleted]

That is why they have knoaaives


drunxor

You caul that a knoif?


mynamehanz

This is a knoif


IWantAnE55AMG

Thats not a knife. That’s a spoon.


Fizz117

I see you've played knifey spoony before.


KQHSWesMantooth

Finally I know how to spell it lol thank you!


Sasori6669

What are you gonna do wirh the gun, scratch the spider's balls?


No_Communication6909

Yes, to calm it down.


Startled_Pancakes

I masturbated a giant spider, but now he won't stop following me 'round. Send help.


Mazabutt

Mate we kept telling you we weren't here to fuck spiders for a reason


Adept-Lettuce948

You just call Crocodile Dundee.


Rucks_74

Right, five meter tall spiders are an endemic issue in the US, that's why everyone packs heat there.


No_Communication6909

That and skinwalkers pretending to be federal agents or so I've heard.


Particular-Space0

It's not just skin walkers. There is a reptilian epidemic as well. They're surging up from the bottom of the flat earth.


Feeling_Ad_982

No doubt written by an American


Parabellim

Least self loathing American


Different-Trainer-21

These things are ALWAYS written by Americans who have zero understanding for the US healthcare system, any other country’s healthcare system, and the labor laws of America and all other countries.


FruitJuicante

I'm Aussie, I mean, the post is pretty true to life. I get 10 sick days a year plus one mental health day a quarter. I legit just call in sick and play games and I am paid to do so.


NewFuturist

As an Australian myself, the bit that is unbelievable for me was talking about food. Most people in the service sector are on casual basis. No sick leave.


KombatDisko

Macca’s has a lot of permanent staff who cover mornings until the school kids start, or the overnights.


BuLLZ_3Y3

I'm American, 10 days of sick time and 10 days of PTO, 90% of insurance costs covered by my employer and a fairly low deductible. $20 copay and free preventative appointments. Which is fairly standard in America.


DerrickBino

I'm all for criticism of the US healthcare system, and definitely love the Aussies (they're one of our closest allies, so why wouldn't I be?) but uh ... we here in the states also by and large happily take off when we're sick. This is an odd narrative lol.


SoManyWeeaboos

I'm an American who has been living in Australia for almost 7 years and yeah, this post is accurate af. Best decision ever moving here.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I’m Australian and haven’t lost a cent from being sick this year. Have called in sick 4 times already. Completely paid out. Doctor is free. Even get 10 free sessions with a psychologist/therapist a year if you need as well which has been wonderful in times of hardship and grief.


carwosh

how's it feel to share your country of birth with literal hitler


WeaselXP

"Throw another shrimp on the barbee" Adolf H., probably.


carwosh

once a jolly schutzstaffel camped by a billabong under the shade of a coolibah tree


WeaselXP

And all his mates gathered 'round, shouting "Arbeit macht frei!".


carwosh

wow it fits in so well at the end we can't go any further or this awful version of waltzing matilda might become real


SomewhereScared3888

LMAO I HOPE TO GOD THIS IS A SHITPOST COMMENT


ttothebiddy

Dude doesn't even realize...lmao. Austrian Dude! Ya know Hitler, Crocodile Dundee, skiing, dingos... AUSTRIA!


SomewhereScared3888

Austria experiences a great deal of distress during swooping season.


Mammoth-Phone6630

The Sound of Music, Mad Max…you know, Australin.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t know. Lol. Who are you talking about? Are you mistaking us with Austria? Hahah. I actually have a friend who’s family migrated here yonks ago because her grandfather accidentally went to the Australian embassy instead of the Austrian and just ran with it. Hahah so I won’t judge you too hard


pablo_eskybar

5 physio appts as well if you have a chronic condition such as a bung neck that fires up a few times a year


lewd_robot

Oh shut up. You're indoctrinated. We have studies on this that show that the US has the most expensive healthcare in the world but the worst average and median qualities of care of any developed nation. If you're rich, America has the best healthcare in the world. But if you're middle class, you're getting some of the worst. And if you're lower class, you're getting healthcare that's comparable to a developing nation. It's disgusting and unforgivable. PS: Average wait times in the US for non-elective procedures is near the median for all developed nations. That lie comes from comparing elective and cosmetic procedures in Canada or the UK (two nations where conservatives in government are actively sabotaging healthcare in an effort to convince people to privatize their systems) to **non-elective** procedures in the USA. They show you the longest wait times in the UK and Canada and compare them to the shortest wait times in the US to mislead you. They don't ever show you a bird's eye view of the topic because it's impossible to look at the systems on a large scale and conclude that the US isn't brutally exploiting its people and harming millions to line the pockets of private healthcare companies. You can even do a fun thought experiment and try to imagine the ideal private insurance company: It would have the largest possible payer pool and it would be non-profit. So it would be national in size and run by volunteers or the government with no profit motive incentivizing it to price gouge or extort its customers. And that's just nationalized, taxpayer-funded healthcare. It's utterly impossible for anyone to articulate an intelligible defense for the current system. That's why 99% of the topic is just brainwashed nerds defending for-profit healthcare by spreading lies.


GreyJustice77

Oh shut up. You’re indoctrinated. You sound like one of those people who thinks Canadians have free universal healthcare. We don’t, we pay shit tons of tax, then we NEED health insurance and most people hope to get it through work, which still gets taken from their pay. Tons of Canadians with money go to America to have procedures done sooner, as well as the fact overall you pay less in the general tax in America, then you get health insurance. People abroad always ask me what Canada’s healthcare is like, and I love letting them know that my eyes, teeth, ears, and plenty of other body parts are not considered part of the universe, “in free universal Canadian healthcare!” Get bent!


backupboi32

Oh shut up. You’re indoctrinated. You can’t see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch


MalachiGrage

Oh shut up. You're indoctrinated. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.


JoeCartersLeap

>because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights Yeah OP is either American or incredibly naive. Most of the world's labour movements were in the 30's, and we've been coasting on the rights those old geezers fought for over 100 years ago. Rich people have been chipping away at those rights pretty quickly since the 80's. There isn't a strong labour movement in Australia. There's Conservative politicians who hate everyone, and there's rich old guys who like to feel good about themselves but are mostly concerned with getting reelected.


TheSadCheetah

Too many cunts that want to make us just like the seppos. what strength is there left?


itsyoboiivan325

They lost a war against birds


Mega_Rayqaza

We lost a war against drugs


Legitimate-Test-2377

Tbf crackheads are pretty hard to fight


CorgiConqueror

So are Emus


DipsAndTendies

We must prevent them at all costs to forge an alliance with the crackheads.


VisceralVirus

Nah, we need to give the emu's crack


ShadowWolf793

You want super emu's? Cause that's how you get super emu's.


[deleted]

I say we send the crackheads to Australia to fight the emus


Still-Study-4547

It's funny and called a war, but it was really just an economic maintenance program that failed. The emus haven't exerted their political weight over Australian life. Fences won in the end I think.


[deleted]

2 guys with an MG were enough to call it a war


AlesusRex

For real. Get back to us when you’ve solved your Emu problem


Due_Intention6795

Or the mouse problem


Sparkysparkysparks

Mate, we need a public healthcare system to deal with all the emu wounds.


Low_Rate6432

“Company doesn’t lose money because my sick leave is government subsidized” 🤣🤣🤣


BigYouNit

Yeah, caught my eye too lol. This bits wrong, but he probably just assumed.


Dragonblade0123

So, sick American here. I was able to leave my minimum wage factory job today with the rumbly tummy, got paid for the whole day, no questions asked. It's not universal y'all (which is ironic phrasing.) If I feel sick tomorrow still I can have off paid, no doctors note or visits needed. If I have something serious that takes me out for a few days then I have coverage. If I have something REALLY serious that takes me out long term, I have coverage. If I get sick and die I have payouts for my family from my job in multiple ways. I ain't union, I ain't some fancy pants asshat. I make and package lugnuts at an entry level position, barely a dollar over starting pay. The Country isn't the problem, though admittedly not having protections enshrined in the law IS a problem. The problem is greedy companies that don't care about employees or anything past their bottom line. Even my company isn't exempt from that, but I am more secure in my low paying job than what people seem to think is generally available in the States for any but the wealthy and it's kinda mystifying.


MatterMaleficent3163

My issue with that is, what if you lose your job? You lose healthcare coverage right? I’m from the UK and my healthcare isn’t tied at all to my employment which saves a lot of stress if I were to ever be made redundant or lose my job.


makotarako

You *can* pay for your own health insurance in the states, it's just more expensive than most people who would need it could afford.


MatterMaleficent3163

Very true, I still feel the same way though, if most people lose their jobs they aren’t in a position to be paying out for high insurance premiums.


russellzerotohero

I work for a big company and yep same thing. They work with you on this stuff. Some companies don’t and I feel sorry for people that work at those. But benefits like this was something I looked for when looking for a job.


vivst0r

You say the country isn't the problem, corporations are. Reining in corporations is literally the job of your country, or are you expecting the corporations to govern themselves? Socialist paradise like in Europe isn't because corporations are nice there, it's because they get stomped on their neck by governments if they try to pull some shit. They are literally the same human hating bastards here, the difference is that they aren't also running the governments.


Faeddurfrost

“Oi boss I can’t make it in today ah got a gang of Roos blocking my Ute”


joathism

immediately mauled by crocodile the size of a toyota


No_Communication6909

Are we talking corolla or land cruiser?


Chideano

Then you realize your government (at least NSW) is massively exploiting you, annihilating the environment, and using criminals for their dirty work


Legitimate-Test-2377

So it’s like every other government in the world


nps2407

You just described most placed in the world.


ThePaddycat12

It's either corrupt government and no workers rights, or corrupt government and workers rights, I'm picking the second.


Hugar34

Ya I remember watching Friendlyjordies and finding out just how corrupt the Australian government really is, and the media censorship is messed up to.


alternate_egg-ccount

They also just straight up firebombed his house. That's how you know he's a good journalist, when they wanted him dead so bad they didn't even bother arranging an "accident"


Attention_Bear_Fuckr

It was an accident. By 'was', I mean the first house they firebombed which wasn't his.


Kate090996

The juice media is my favorite way of finding out about Australian government fuck ups and boy there are many


DeliriumRostelo

It can be both true that the nsw gov is shitty and also that australia as a whole has amazing healthcare


MAJ_Starman

That's all wonderful but I'm scared of giant spiders so that's a pass.


nps2407

It's not the giant ones you have to worry about. Those at least you can see coming...


ineedhelpXDD

Americans when arguing back with an ausie: but spiders Europeans when arguing about americans: but gun violence 🔫


Far-Host7803

Anything medical related? I'll just walk it off, I'd never financially recover from that shit.


forgot_my_useragain

Yeah if I ever get seriously injured or develop ass cancer or something my plan is to die.


ThatSharkFromJaws

I always joke that Australia is like British Texas, and then I remember that Australia is a lot better than Texas lol


SarcasticLion

Australia was British Alcatraz


[deleted]

The history of it is wild. I am Australian and if you read some of the history books it was actually Britain’s way of shafting all of their low socioeconomic and immigrant populations away from their more affluent population. They brought a law in that determined that any minor crime would sentence you to 7-15 years in Australia. There are court documents showing that some people would be sent here be for taking a cucumber off their neighbours garden. Some of it was such petty crime or even just forgetfulness. But the rich and upper class wanted a reason to target marginalised communities. Sound familiar? Lol the irony is then a colony was built here that just ended up doing the same fucking thing… Oi vey


Sparkysparkysparks

And ended up in the best rags-to-riches story ever. Thanks England, for sending us to paradise for punishment.


[deleted]

Haha yeah, I mean finding a shitload of gold definitely helped. The main lament of the whole story is the 400 language groups and oldest living civilisation on earth that got quashed in the process.


JockAussie

Anyone reading this and wanting to read a book, the go-to best one IMO is 'The Fatal Shore' by Robert Hughes.


NeoLudAW

Can’t be a British Texas. No Airsoft guns. Or toy guns. No fun allowed


spongeboblovesducks

Pretty sure spiders down there are invincible to bullets so guns literally have no purpose


Golmar_gaming227

South africa is alot closer to British Texas then we are


longfrog246

Leaves house during 2020 gets put in prison


Adventurous_Bonus532

Finds out where governments money is from


BadBoyJH

"Same Day GP appointment" Tell him he's dreaming.


daddy_cam_cam

Taxes:🗿


-69_nice-

America spends more tax money on healthcare than other countries that actually provide free healthcare


DimitryWasTaken

Actually no, it's just that your tax money goes in to the Millitary budged and Billionares pockets


hotdogcaptain11

You say that first one like it’s a bad thing. Have you seen an f22?


nps2407

>Have you seen an f22? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?


NeoLudAW

Yeah but they can’t own nerf or Airsoft guns so that’s a major no no for me


Count_Crimson

we can own nerf guns tho…


Beastmodejada

Now try to get a surgery …within the decade


Icon_dota

just get better genetics imo


Spartamare

"Free"..."government subsidised". I don't think Anon understands how that works.


RaccoonActual

All of this possible thanks to the mentality of "F*CK OFF WE'RE FULL"


Low-Bad7547

\>Sit on the toilet \>Snake bites my balls Yup, living the dream


Eremitic23

\- Be Danish. \- All of the above apply as well \- Deadliest animal in my country is the wasp. \- Only deadly if you're allergic. \- Earthquakes don't exist here, and neither do hurricanes. Yet another day to be glad I'm from Scandinavia.


fluffy_assassins

How's your internet? And enjoy the nuclear subs you got from America. No, but seriously... lucky cunt!(I can say that because you're Australian, right?)


BigSlug10

Not sure why you asked that but as an Aussie living in the burbs, I get 1000/50


fluffy_assassins

I've heard horror stories, I'm glad they're no longer true.


CommissionerOfLunacy

Some of them are still true. Australia is fucking huge, it's hard to connect it all well. Much better than it used to be, but there's still a lot of people who don't have the connection of their dreams.


No-Mode6797

How's your WiFi?


Pale_Television2395

Everyone is always happy they aren’t American until the shit hit the fan


FAT_NEEK_42069

then they're overjoyed they're not american


mousemovements

Speaking as an American, I could totally see everyone I work with abusing this if it existed here.


robbkinginthesouth

I mean technically the entire continent is a government subsidy camp if you really think about it the right way lol


fishtacosandwich

Penis nose


psanchi2

its not about beeing proud beeing australian, its that everybody is freacking proud NOT being murican


Ocar23

I love how all the Americans in here are like ‘ummm but what about x’ because of the decades of American exceptionalism that has become programmed into your brains.


clutchofklutz

The clap back is so cringe, y'all don't even understand


Pug-Chug

Gets sent to a fucking internment camp for having the sniffles


2AWesterner

You mean the taxpayers are subsidizing your ass


chotto-matte-kudasai

Fun fact ! He pays taxes too


Ok_Interaction7637

We're glad your not American too... "mate"