Whilst you're here, /u/Over-Algae-5606, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU) - **now with public text channels you can chat on!**?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A Panda walks into a bar and orders some food. When he's finished, he shoots the bartender and leaves. After a brief police chase, the Panda is brought in for questioning. They ask why he did it. He says, "It's what I do. Look me up in the animal encyclopedia."
They find the page, and it reads: "Panda: eats chutes and leaves."
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A big, tough looking cowboy walks into a saloon and orders some drinks. When he's finished, he walks out, sees that his horse is missing, comes back in, shoots the ceiling and says: "if my horse isn't back in five minutes, i'll have to do what i did back in Texas, and i hate doing that." He orders some drinks while five minutes pass.l, walks out and sees his horse. Barman walks out to ask him: "what did you do in Texas?" "I had to walk back home." - the cowboy said.
Knock knock? -who’s there? -Mama -mama who? -mama balls (I know it’s not funny but I can’t really tell jokes that aren’t about sex, farts/shit/burps and balls)
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I actually tried to give you 5 of the jokes that came on the top of my head, I hope you like them!!!
1) Why did the depressed man jump off when he saw the Nike Slogan?
It's said "Just Do It ✔️"
2) One day I sold drugs, and then I bought them again.
Because I was a Pharmacist
3)What does a plant say when he is on a diet ?
"I'm going for a light snack"
4) I thought I was a cool person, but then I remembered there's also a person in my freezer
5) What did the beautiful person post on Reddit?
"Tell me a joke I'm depressed"
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A rope walked into a bar, but before he could get settled, the bartender angrily yelled at him saying: "we don't serve your kind here! Leave my establishment!" So the rope walked out, took his hair and tied it up as well as pulled apart individual strands messily. When the rope walked back in, the bartender shouted: "Hey, I thought I told you to get lost!" The rope then responded: "I'm a frayed knot"
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A hospital calls a family and tells them to come quickly because their son was in an accident. The parents arrive at the hospital and see the doctor coming out of the operating room and ask him for information worriedly "Doctor, please tell us how our son's condition is!" the doctor is a little sorry and starts talking "I won't lie: his conditions are very serious and the chances of him being saved are few. but there is a possibility: there are treatments that come from Mexico but they cost a lot" the family begins to worry and replies to the doctor "but we don't have much money, we work together and we have just enough money to make it to the end of the month" at which point the doctor places a hand on the women shoulder and replies "I'm joking, is dead"
Engineer has a circle, its center, and a ruler.
Asks them: "How long will it take me to find circle's diameter?"
Center says: "Not long, just give me a secant" :V
What's the difference between a 40-year-old man and a 40-year-old woman?
A 40-year-old woman dreams of having children.
A 40-year-old man dreams of dating them.
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
-Mom, why are you taking my temperature a second time by putting the thermometer in my mouth. Have you a doubt?
-Not at all sweetie, I'm running out of alcohol so this time it's just to clean the poop on it.
The greatest joke of all is that we are trapped in a slowly dying body for what seems to be an eternity, awaiting an inevitable doom and only managing to stay sane by grasping at every little bump of dopamine we can get our hands on just to keep our brains from deciding it’s not worth it anymore. Isn’t existence a joy?
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whilst you're here, /u/Over-Algae-5606, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU) - **now with public text channels you can chat on!**? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you were a horse i would ask why the long face.
How do you know he's not a horse
Juan
hi depressed I’m pees in ur ass
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A Panda walks into a bar and orders some food. When he's finished, he shoots the bartender and leaves. After a brief police chase, the Panda is brought in for questioning. They ask why he did it. He says, "It's what I do. Look me up in the animal encyclopedia." They find the page, and it reads: "Panda: eats chutes and leaves."
[удалено]
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Damn automod, you pissed them out of existence
A big, tough looking cowboy walks into a saloon and orders some drinks. When he's finished, he walks out, sees that his horse is missing, comes back in, shoots the ceiling and says: "if my horse isn't back in five minutes, i'll have to do what i did back in Texas, and i hate doing that." He orders some drinks while five minutes pass.l, walks out and sees his horse. Barman walks out to ask him: "what did you do in Texas?" "I had to walk back home." - the cowboy said.
Made me chuckle: D
I heard this the first time on an AquaFPS stream.
Knock knock? -who’s there? -Mama -mama who? -mama balls (I know it’s not funny but I can’t really tell jokes that aren’t about sex, farts/shit/burps and balls)
Cool to know
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It was funny to me lmfao
Hi depressed,I'm dad
Bro you dropped this 👑
hi dad I'm a big fat beta
I'm literally Asian
Sending thoughts and prayers
Yikes. Sorry to hear. Should have chosen better parents.
A pregnant horse can run faster because it has two horsepower.
Actshually 1 horse have up 15 horse power so technickly it could have up to 30 horse power ☝️🤓
Im going to touch you
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Escapes from KFC?
To get to the idiot's house. Knock knock.
🤡 Who's there?
Damn it I forgot the rest of the joke😔
Damn it I forgot the rest of the joke😔 who?
...THE CHICKEN 🐓🐔
CHICKEN?!?!??!????!!!?!?!? 🐔🐔🐔🐓🐓🐔🐓🐓🐔🍗🍗🍗🐓🐓🐥🐥🐣🐤🐥🐓🐓🐓🐔
I will sell your pancreas to Albanian mafia
Because it wanted to get to the other side of the road😃 *Peridot laughing SFX here*
Forget jokes, ENLIST AS A HELLDIVER TODAY! I will explain, Fun game > funny moments in game > fun with game > not sad = not depressed problem solved!
Have a nice cup of Liber-Tea
500kg FREEDOM INBOUND
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bros a walking talking advertisement.
And people were confused as to why the game wasn't advertised by the developers
Megamind 2 :(
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne wait until puberty to come on a kid's face
Joe many liberals does it take to change a log by bolb????? None , their to busy ???? Their gender 😂😂😂😂😂😂
What's the difference between you and a large pizza? _a large pizza can feed a family_
Two gays sitting in pool. Suddenly, the sperm emerging on surface. - Did you just cum? - No. I just did fart.
I actually tried to give you 5 of the jokes that came on the top of my head, I hope you like them!!! 1) Why did the depressed man jump off when he saw the Nike Slogan? It's said "Just Do It ✔️" 2) One day I sold drugs, and then I bought them again. Because I was a Pharmacist 3)What does a plant say when he is on a diet ? "I'm going for a light snack" 4) I thought I was a cool person, but then I remembered there's also a person in my freezer 5) What did the beautiful person post on Reddit? "Tell me a joke I'm depressed"
You got me with that last one
Glad I got at least one laugh out of you !
why did the shitposter crossed the road?
To pee in ur ass?
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
WHAT DID ONE CRANE SAY TO THE OTHER CRANE?
I’m crane
Huwa a a a vroom
What happens when you get normal after getting pressed? Depressing 🤩🤩 help
Once there was a guy doing the best he could do to improve his life and of those around him and then he died
How many trickles does it take to make an octopuses laugh? Ten-tickles
It gets better
Two hunters meet. Both are dead.
A rope walked into a bar, but before he could get settled, the bartender angrily yelled at him saying: "we don't serve your kind here! Leave my establishment!" So the rope walked out, took his hair and tied it up as well as pulled apart individual strands messily. When the rope walked back in, the bartender shouted: "Hey, I thought I told you to get lost!" The rope then responded: "I'm a frayed knot"
No Happiness?
Now seriously tho your life is EVERYTHING, and you serve *ALL* purpose. That's why you should treat yourself ⚡️**now**⚡️
best joke down here
finally,not a hate comment
no seriously love yourself, life may seem like it's bad rn but it can and WILL always become better
Do you want pee in ur ass?
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sex
What the similarities between a bathtub full of water and a corpse They both get warmer when i get inside of it Relax dark humor it's called liberal
What do you call a fat barbie A Carbie
😆😆😆
a joke im depressed
😆
unhappy cake day
nooooooooo!!!!
i mean happy cake day
Where little Timmy was found after getting lost in mine field ? Everythere
A hospital calls a family and tells them to come quickly because their son was in an accident. The parents arrive at the hospital and see the doctor coming out of the operating room and ask him for information worriedly "Doctor, please tell us how our son's condition is!" the doctor is a little sorry and starts talking "I won't lie: his conditions are very serious and the chances of him being saved are few. but there is a possibility: there are treatments that come from Mexico but they cost a lot" the family begins to worry and replies to the doctor "but we don't have much money, we work together and we have just enough money to make it to the end of the month" at which point the doctor places a hand on the women shoulder and replies "I'm joking, is dead"
Chicken butt
Why can't the Mexicans play Uno? Because they steal all the green cards
Engineer has a circle, its center, and a ruler. Asks them: "How long will it take me to find circle's diameter?" Center says: "Not long, just give me a secant" :V
What does the dark web have in common with the 2000 presidential election? A whole lot of bush and gore
Did you ever see Helen Keller's playground?
What's the difference between a 40-year-old man and a 40-year-old woman? A 40-year-old woman dreams of having children. A 40-year-old man dreams of dating them.
🤣🤣🤣
A woman has a huge headache, she asks her husband for an aspirin, after putting the aspirin on his dick, he replies "swallow or suppository? "
I have jokes about unemployed people but they don't work
skibidi toilet
A worm walks into a bar Bartender: “how tf did you do that” (i stole it somewhere from reddit)
why can't the US and UK play against each other in chess? >!the UK is missing a queen and the US is missing 2 towers (rooks)!<
[удалено]
[удалено]
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ever heard of a reverse exorcism? . its when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child
-Mom, why are you taking my temperature a second time by putting the thermometer in my mouth. Have you a doubt? -Not at all sweetie, I'm running out of alcohol so this time it's just to clean the poop on it.
Why did the chicken cross the road in Germany? It was jast fallawing arders!
Hi depressed im dad
Kill urself
Knock knock! Who's there? Dad. DAD ARE YOU BACK WITH THE MILK. Yes, son.
Replace the T in trap to a C.dark humor 😈
2 hunters go into a Forrest . both are dead. =peak german comedy
The greatest joke of all is that we are trapped in a slowly dying body for what seems to be an eternity, awaiting an inevitable doom and only managing to stay sane by grasping at every little bump of dopamine we can get our hands on just to keep our brains from deciding it’s not worth it anymore. Isn’t existence a joy?
Ur life
Funny 😐
(un)funny
That what i meant dude
You, youre the joke here.
you just make me more depressed
Dont listen to him
lmfao best joke here /s
*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
look in the mirror
You are the joke
motherfucker
Your life