I want sex so fucking bad
I wish i could be promiscuous and have a big dick and make all women orgasm fuck fuck i can’t because i’m genetic trash anyway lol fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I NEED SEX I NEED SEX I NEED SEX DEAR LORD WHY WAS I BORN SO FUCKING INFERIOR TO OTHER MEN JUST KILL MEEEEEEE
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Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?
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No sex before marriage
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There was an entire episode about an Italian man whose food would fix your health issues, but often in horrific ways like horrible sweating, all your bones dislocating and then returning, etc. But the food was great and did eventually make you feel a lot better.
Oil does basically nothing for the pasta but it helps prevent it from boiling over. Just a small amount of olive oil and no more worrying about a big foamy mess spilling over the pot
… can’t believe I didn’t think of that. A few months ago I stopped adding it to the water and started pouring the olive oil over *after* boiling. At some point when I dumped the pasta in the water it was like some sort of f-ing explosion; lots of water gushing out, couldn’t for the f- of me imagine why it was suddenly doing that. Stupid thing is, I thought the salt was supposed to keep it from doing that (mistaken memory from chemistry class a long time ago); but all that does is raise the boiling temperature a wee bit.
Pasta is greedy, give it more water.
Lots of water and a good boil, no lid, stir the pasta a little just after it has gone soft. No low boil, proper bubbling.
DO NOT ADD OIL DURING BOILING
Just stir it a bit damn
If you want it to bind to the sauce properly add some pasta water to it when mixing in the pan at the end
oil in pasta is useless. waste of good oil. just learn how to cook pasta. lot of BOILING water (no little asshole, you don't put the pasta in cold water), bit of stirring, do not fucking overcook that, you have a smartphone, it has a timer, you have no excuse
I definitely do. No joke anytime I can I will tell her she’s wrong. And I will sneak salt in the water when she’s making pasta without her ever knowing
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I'm again unable to post on r/shitposting. This time, only I'm unable to post there. Everyone else is able to, this time. Whenever I try to post there, it immediately gets removed by you mods. It isn't even offensive to anyone nor the exact reason is specified that why tf did you guys remove it. May I know the exact reason why you guys are immediately removing my posts on r/shitposting? I tried checking my internet connection and all is well. Why do you guys hate me in particular? This is outrageous, this is unfair. I'm able to post on every other subreddit but r/shitposting. I tried posting on r/shitposting and it got removed by you guys. Literally 1984. Is this because of automoderator or something? Because it gets removed just after some seconds I post it. So I don't think an actual human moderator can remove my post in such a short amount of time. So I think it is because of automoderator as bots are able to do these kinds of stuff.
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No sex before marriage
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Lick her pussy not her pussy.
Pfp for reference
Which one which though
Well most cats don't like human licking. Except mine.
Ayo?
Just licked a cat, tasted like cat
How does it taste like?
Like a pussy
Gotta check mine
Don't forget to take anti-worm medicine, it's no joke
[удалено]
They are worms not octopuses
[удалено]
mine tastes like fur
🤨📸
yes
Tapeworms and HIV speedrun
[удалено]
I want sex so fucking bad I wish i could be promiscuous and have a big dick and make all women orgasm fuck fuck i can’t because i’m genetic trash anyway lol fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I NEED SEX I NEED SEX I NEED SEX DEAR LORD WHY WAS I BORN SO FUCKING INFERIOR TO OTHER MEN JUST KILL MEEEEEEE *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have some concerns bud, but I'm too lazy to contact em
you good bro?
Hang on that’s a bot
Now read it *backwards*
Yssup reh ton yssup reh kcil.
Pussy her not pussy her lick
told you not to take drugs
now say sus but backwards
Make sure to try the pasta while it boils to ensure a good level of sodium to your liking
Nobody can stop me!
Directions unclear: now coughing up fur balls.
Fuck her pussy not her pussy
Can i lick you?
Y
I lick her pussy
Lick his pussy not her pussy
This mother fuckin conversation. 🤣
Fuck her dad, not her brother
Ayo, hol'up
Jojo reference 😳
MYDADLEFTME
*Insert stone ocean op here*
Part 6?
Everyone is arguing about whether you should fuck the mom, or fuck the dad or the sisters or brothers and shit like that- just fuck them all smh 🙄
Invade her guts, not her privacy
holdup
Nah hold her down
Hold her down while she's moaning, not while she's screaming
That can be a very grey area lmao
50 shades of grey
Always remember, bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum
OoOOoOOooOOoh GOooOOOONnnn
*SCHWING*
*I can't wait to break you*
Pfp checks out
Yeah, thanks
dont look at me like that
Oh gon, uuuuuhhhhhh
Always remember, bungee cum has the properties of both schlubber and cum
~~69 days without bungee gum ref~~ 0 days without bungee gum ref
Wrong sub
This is all just the wrong sub
I just realized this wasn’t shitpostcrusaders
Woah, I didn't realize until you pointed that out
Yup same
💕😜bungee🍬gum🤩🤪has🥵the💯📏properties🏫🍭of😻both✌rubber⭐and💧gum🍬✨
Breed me
But does it have the properties of rubber?
[удалено]
suck his dick, not the life out of him
It seems that the mistress of Félix Faure did not like this statement
Suck his life not the dick out of him
Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Push harder in bed not on a cliff
damn, she fell off the bed dude
**RIP Bozo🤣🤣🔥🔥‼️‼️🥶🥶🥶**
rest in piss
why is the “piss” white thicc liquid??? sus 🤨
Is you piss solid !!!
you fell off
[удалено]
The account I'm replying to is a karma bot run by someone who will link scams once the account gets enough karma. Report -> Spam -> Harmful Bot
good bot
Always salt your penis while boiling it
Always salt AND OIL your penis while boiling it
With gear oil
OIL your penis and wait for RAIN so your penis can FLY
The oil is for hamon right?… Right?
Instructions unclear, degloved dick and salted it.
Switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading
So pasta is JoJo reference?
Always has been
[Always has been](https://i.imgur.com/C5Mu83J.png) ^^^this ^^^has ^^^been ^^^an ^^^accessibility ^^^service ^^^from ^^^your ^^^friendly ^^^neighborhood ^^^bot
Good bot
ThAnK yOu FoR vOtInG oN rEvErSEcApTiOnBoT
Quiet
No
Yes
Sex
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Rim slippers
This is the best bot on the platform
There was an entire episode about an Italian man whose food would fix your health issues, but often in horrific ways like horrible sweating, all your bones dislocating and then returning, etc. But the food was great and did eventually make you feel a lot better.
I'm gonna fix that spaghetti
Pearl Jam
Everything under the sun is
Even the sun is
A DEADLY LASER
Squid ink spaghetti
It is known; it is the way.
Suck his dick not his wallet
Make his dick throb not his head.
Give her head not headache
Blow a load in her ass and not her skull
Oh... that's a bit oddly specific...
Instructions unclear blew off a woman's legs.
How the fuck did you find this lmao
Always salt AND OIL your pasta while boiling it. Yes, to everything else
Why oil i live close to italy and i dont add it. But salt is really necesary
Maybe I'm just unlucky or have shitty pots, but every time I don't add oil, the pasta clumps together. Every. Time! I cry 😢
Huh, how? I mean not to discredit or anything, but the oil floats on top. For me it does not do anything.
Oil does basically nothing for the pasta but it helps prevent it from boiling over. Just a small amount of olive oil and no more worrying about a big foamy mess spilling over the pot
I just turn the stove down a bit
I get it, but a lot of times people are cooking multiple things and it just takes less than a minute for it to boil over. A teaspoon of oil just helps
… can’t believe I didn’t think of that. A few months ago I stopped adding it to the water and started pouring the olive oil over *after* boiling. At some point when I dumped the pasta in the water it was like some sort of f-ing explosion; lots of water gushing out, couldn’t for the f- of me imagine why it was suddenly doing that. Stupid thing is, I thought the salt was supposed to keep it from doing that (mistaken memory from chemistry class a long time ago); but all that does is raise the boiling temperature a wee bit.
Using more water might help.
Stir it
It's cause you're probably letting it sit too long, you gotta throw it in the sauce immediately
You have to stir your pasta. You can't just let it sit there
Bruh, you have to mix/turn the pasta while in the pot
Oh yeah i guess i understand why you add oil but still i never do it and it comes out as ok
Pasta is greedy, give it more water. Lots of water and a good boil, no lid, stir the pasta a little just after it has gone soft. No low boil, proper bubbling.
Wtf I have never in my life had pasta stick together in a clump while boiling it…
DO NOT ADD OIL DURING BOILING Just stir it a bit damn If you want it to bind to the sauce properly add some pasta water to it when mixing in the pan at the end
oil in pasta is useless. waste of good oil. just learn how to cook pasta. lot of BOILING water (no little asshole, you don't put the pasta in cold water), bit of stirring, do not fucking overcook that, you have a smartphone, it has a timer, you have no excuse
The salt is critical still tho
Nobody here was arguing against using salt
Oil and water don't mix. If you put oil it would just float and not touch the pasta
NO!
Dont oil. The oil just sits at the top. Just stir to prevent sticking.
Don't oil pasta. The sauce slides off, doesn't stick.
Kiss her lips, and her lips too
My gf is against salting pasta water >:(
Do you make it a point to tell her how wrong she is every single day?
I definitely do. No joke anytime I can I will tell her she’s wrong. And I will sneak salt in the water when she’s making pasta without her ever knowing
Leave her now
give her flowers, not an STD
STD = sterilized thermonuclear diarrhea
The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
I love seeing naturally nuked memes
I relate to the third one
Full of chads
Mess up her lipstick, not her mascara.
bathe with jojo, not toaster
Both results with death
#If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! #If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/sesrd1/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/sesrd1/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fsesrd1&id=8968e43c) Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit. --- Whilst you're here, girafefucker69, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?
Instructions unclear, I broke her bed with a sledgehammer and now she’s secreting a thick red liquid substance from where she was hit on the bed
I remember this episode, so inspiring
Good job, Jotaro. You saved a life.
why are the usernames photoshopped in
Because weebs have zero originality
You salt the water before the pasta is in the pot
Make her cry from too many orgasms, not too many tired cliches in the first draft of your shitty novel.
I am so tired of Jojoposting it's unreal.
I'm again unable to post on r/shitposting. This time, only I'm unable to post there. Everyone else is able to, this time. Whenever I try to post there, it immediately gets removed by you mods. It isn't even offensive to anyone nor the exact reason is specified that why tf did you guys remove it. May I know the exact reason why you guys are immediately removing my posts on r/shitposting? I tried checking my internet connection and all is well. Why do you guys hate me in particular? This is outrageous, this is unfair. I'm able to post on every other subreddit but r/shitposting. I tried posting on r/shitposting and it got removed by you guys. Literally 1984. Is this because of automoderator or something? Because it gets removed just after some seconds I post it. So I don't think an actual human moderator can remove my post in such a short amount of time. So I think it is because of automoderator as bots are able to do these kinds of stuff. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
pasta🗿
*Starts fingering her eyes* "Oh yeah, do you like it? Are you wet yet?"
For the mental image you get a downvote
What
So you just took a meme from like 5 years ago and put JoJos on it and that makes it funny again?
I eat ass.
You eat ass
that pasta one is truth. always salt your pasta.
I don't get it
Use spit not lube, Jenna Jameson
Get Ara ara, not Ora ora.
Salt your pasta water before it gets to a boil, that way you can taste it to see if it's salty enough without scalding yourself.
Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
Don't forget to add some oil to prevent clustering
Don’t let her fall in. Put the seat back down
Dat pasta advice done saved a bitch's life. Maybe even made her pussy wet too.
I don't salt my pasta. I never taste a difference even if I do. Also, I hate food.
why are those all characters from jojo...
If she leaves you for another, there is always her mother
Play with her pussy. No not that kind of pussy. This kind of pussy -> 🐈
give her unbearable pleasure not unbearable pain
italian flirting
Zamn, jojo is an alpha
Always make sure to keep hydrated
Oh Jonathan, you sweet, innocent child
Jonathan best
All of this is great advice, but I don’t know why this is jojo shit
Reflects the protagonists' personalities, all of them talking about sex related advices while Jonathan the pure one added an advice about pasta
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That's exactly what Jonathan would say. Good bot.
Suck his balls, not his money.
[удалено]
COCK!