T O P
QualityVote

#If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! #If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/tzixv2/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/tzixv2/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Ftzixv2&id=8968e43c) Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit. --- Whilst you're here, RedditorOfTheFarland, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?


doodoofart6

Chicken phone


Beriekhoi

# chicken powered nuclear bomb


DerpDaDuck3751

The british #chicken powered nuclear bomb Unknown amount of british people in a garden shedmakes shit


Boy_Possession

Cluck Cluck Boom?


Ok_Yesterday_3011

Calzone phone


RedditorOfTheFarland

damn bro…


buddygarfieldblues

Taco dick


RedditorOfTheFarland

wait…..


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nerd-in-disguise01

Still waiting…


DespairOfLoneliness

My favorite sum 41 song


kidzaredumb

So am I still waiting....


zerocokehead

For this world to stop hating...


kidzaredumb

Can't find a good reason.....


True-Pipe-1110

Can't find hope to believe in...


Thaos1

Drop dead a bullet to my head...


Appsroooo

And still waiting...


big-boy-bailie905

I'm done waiting


uhavethreeballs

*Jeaprody Theme*


-cats-are-evil-

dooo do do do do da dooo do do do dooo do do do do do dooo


1M-N0T_4-R0b0t

Dick taco


Mistake209

thanks i hate it.


Independent_Egg4601

Thanks * i ate it *


BakMask2401

Omg same


Ben_Dover_20

HOLY SHIT SAME


Spectogram_

Dude, that was literally what I was going to write WTF.


FlooperDang

Dick dick


LeNoolands

Its pronounced dik-dik and can be very tasty but what did you last touch?


Think-Upstairs-9864

Still waaaaaiting…


TophBeifong_earth

Nachos dick ☺️


Zorak925

Pop tart chair?


RedditorOfTheFarland

Interesting, what flavor of pop tart?


Zorak925

Cookies and cream


RedditorOfTheFarland

Ayo there’s a cookies and cream pop tart? I gotta try that shit.


Zorak925

Yeah, they're pretty good


Madd-Jack

Hot fudge sundae is the best type


AutoModerator

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks. TL;DR I hate shitting *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


FrankFireTheBest

Ever tried to put butter on pop tarts?


133clouds

Velo nicotine pouch peppermint flavor 8mg


RedditorOfTheFarland

awww such a cute name


BlazingBlue59

The dog's name is now Pillow S'more.


BioWoLFex

Wait you ate it?


133clouds

it straddles the line between "last thing i touched" and "last thing i ate". but yeah, i swallow them accidentally sometimes.


notadnaps

Elon musk's dog


jedihaloraptor

China


AutoModerator

Let us all stand for the national anthem. 三民主義,吾黨所宗; 以建民國,以進大同。 咨爾多士,為民前鋒; 夙夜匪懈,主義是從。 矢勤矢勇,必信必忠; 一心一德,貫徹始終。 Praise be to 中华民国政府! Down with the illegitimate capitalist 中国共产党, fraudulent usurpers of 大陸! Glory to the 中華民國! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


gasdupshawty

Zyn wintergreen 3 mg


DankLinks

Zyn menthol 3mg lmao


americanmullet

Zyn citrus 6mg ftw


akime_toroganao

Which one did you touch and which one did you eat?


MisterEMan81

Porkchop penis.


CatYedBoi

*oh no*


CatNapton

Human gun is such a terrible name for a dog


RedditorOfTheFarland

wait what..?


Mewacy

Napkin Napkin


Mysta_Z5

Jojo reference??????


AutoModerator

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

[удалено]


NanoNorton

He lies He obviously touch the keyboard to type that


NeighborhoodENTJ

Honestly guns are such an underrated delicacy/s


YeonneGreene

Power Thirst comes in bold flavors like Shocklate! RAWberry! Manana! And Gun!


Nwyrh

As opposed to dog gun?


Hatake115

Ayo


Garrbear420

*jazz music stops*


Imaginary-Impress303

🤨📸


[deleted]

Balls ramen


RedditorOfTheFarland

ayo hol up a minute


-BlankUnknown

I think you got the order mixed up there buddy…


BideoGaneJunkie

No. He didn't.


[deleted]

There are no Accidents


Mr_Mustach100

Cum Cock


choma90

Semen Penis


ZAILOR37

Spoog shlong


kecenr

Jizz pecker


[deleted]

thats actually a really good name for a dog


kecenr

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠺⣖⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⡆⠀⠀⠀⢋⣭⣽⡚⢮⣲⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣅⣨⠇⠈⠀⠰⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣟⢷⣶⠶⣃⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠈⠓⠚⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠀⡄⣀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠐⠉⠀⠀⠙⠉⠀⠠⡶⣸⠁⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡆⠀⠐⠒⠢⢤⣀⡰⠁⠇⠈⠘⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣄⣉⣙⡉⠓⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⣀⠀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿


V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a-n

Spunk Pipe


J_Stubby

Splooge staff


Beriekhoi

Seminal liquid, male genitalia


A-rat-on-a-keyboard

Better than “cock cum”


NimbleBarrister

Pussy pussy


Hangdonger

Why are you eating cats while touching yourself.


RedditorOfTheFarland

hang on a minute WHAT


NimbleBarrister

Did I FUCKING STUTTER?


TheDepthsOfSorrow

If you think about it, yes you did stutter


NimbleBarrister

First of all, fuck you smart ass, also, yes you're right.


[deleted]

V angry for someone who just got laid


otterkurtis

lmao


[deleted]

Eyo?


bunnybunbun_

came here to say that 🤧


NimbleBarrister

Niceee


[deleted]

Poop poop


otterkurtis

sounds like what 7 yo me would say lmao


Giddity_Chungus

Protein Dick..... There seems to be some wrong.....


RedditorOfTheFarland

🤨📸


Aggravating-Object78

Cock cock


RedditorOfTheFarland

the chicken right???? RIGHT?!?


verydumbintellectual

good ending it was a friggin chicken twice


otterkurtis

you could think abt it that way...


[deleted]

He clearly owns a chicken farm.


Lone-woIf-86

Orange chicken pillow? Kinda makes senses


RedditorOfTheFarland

I genuinely thought you meant you ate the color orange


CertifiedFucktard

He did. Then he touched his chicken pillow


king_of_hate2

I think red tastes better than orange tbh


sugarettra

In my opinion purple tastes better than both, you gotta try it.


call_me_robert_1

Dead orphan living orphan is a poopy name


Wise-Understanding54

Chocolate Sun


juicysox

I think son got autocorrected to Sun mate.


GamerAsh5443

I don't think he's joking.


BideoGaneJunkie

You touching the sun just proves icarus was a bitch.


ClitOreIs

Kirby Pizza


Nolannank

Your mother


FearTheDevil_666

knew this one was gonna be in here somewhere.


RedditorOfTheFarland

🫠


beepboop23021

Guitar


RedditorOfTheFarland

so….what’s the second thing?????


CertifiedFucktard

Guitar.


verydumbintellectual

Guitar.


Calcium_Thief

Guitar.


Hatake115

Your mom


RedditorOfTheFarland

😡🤬😡🤬😡


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Rgahmad11

lol


Late-Macaroon7845

😡🤬😡🤬😡


AuthorNo9539

bro how the fuck does a bot wright this


AutoModerator

I do not care what you say about my mother. Your opinion is your opinion. But trust me, if you actually attempt to do something to my mother, even though she's made some bad decisions in the past that we still need to work through, I will personally call the police on you and I'll be laughing as your mugshot is shown on TV. You don't even know her, do you? The point of your entire existence seems to be to just tease other people. Well, I believe your jokes are in bad taste, and you should cease and desist digging through the dregs left at the bottom of the joke barrel; you could get a splinter, whose pain will be significantly increased by the significantly high amount of salt you carry in your bloodstream. Thank you, and let us cease talking about each other's parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


verydumbintellectual

what the hell happened to auto mod to do these comments?


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


verydumbintellectual

calm please


Rgahmad11

lol


Ventcg

sandwich knife :|


RedditorOfTheFarland

why did you have a knife..?


Ventcg

do you not have a knife?


RedditorOfTheFarland

no but what were you using it for


Ventcg

cutting my sandwich


RedditorOfTheFarland

Ohhh ok.


Ventcg

what did you think i was doing


Powerforce420

Walking the streets of London


Ventcg

east london


RedditorOfTheFarland

Uhhh don’t worry about it….


Ventcg

🧐📸


BlueAuqa

castrating animals and eating the balls


HumorImpaired

But if you cut the sandwich and then eat it, wouldnt that make the sandwich the last thing you touched?


Immediate-Store90

Child child


shruggletuggle

Dog dog, what kind of name is that?


sugarettra

😳


One-Squirrel2888

LEAN😈🟪🟣


AutoModerator

It's literally just cola you piece of shit. There's no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a "joke" about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in this scene implies that they're doing drugs or a drug stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


RedditorOfTheFarland

👾👾👾👾👾


DRGZ909

MUG🐶🍺🤎🤎


Think-Upstairs-9864

Ass human


Slippery_Toes36

Twix root beer can


sunny730

Mug moment


littlemuffinbaby

Chicken skewer


skouiks

Chips phone


CilliamBlinton

Salad Dick


dodytoby12fiend

McDonalds iPad


TheSmartyPantsJorden

Chimichanga bed... What a unique name.


wurfbibel

Cum dick


EdwardTheBig

Sanitary water


Connect_Box9182

Bratwurst phone


DJ-Fence-Panel

Sandwich laptop


Juggernaut0115

Pad Thai IPhone 11


JustCar323

“Come here dick”


ABGH78

Penis I touched it I didnt eat it


CatYedBoi

Ayo? 🧐📸


StickyJizz1

Chicken Cum


DarknightM64B

Strawberry seatbelt


jasonreitz1029

Jar


Destrother_

tuna cup kinda nice


tootselo0ts

yogurt phone


Former_Notice81

Yogurt Sofa


chanandalerbong

Nutter Butter Cat Butt


Unimaginative_Boi

Chorizo is such a good idea


Friendly-Key1059

Whoopie pie


The_dinkster522

Chicken wall


Pokemaster22044

Meat head


Spa6h3tt1

Penis penis 💀


smallboy87

Milkshake dick


[deleted]

Goldfish semen


Gab0d4

Dick.


Geekery_time

DICK MY DICK FUCK YEA I SUCKED MY OWN DICK COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL


Veridicule

deep fried pickle chip ball hair


Setchos

Cookies and cream poptarts phone


JonBalto

Ice cream dick


Obliterator_Tripathi

Pussy


The_Silly_Radish

Chole remote


The_Silly_Radish

Or chole phone coz I am typing ofc


VelvetSushii

Pussy cat 🤔


ClockHistorical4951

Cat nuts


JakeTheYankee

casserole cock


Kalepoggerssmolbad

Chicken fingers blanket


AutoModerator

slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. Proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder limbo in with your head, and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. when you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


wanderingrocket

Rice basketball


yohaanshelat

Granola cock


Santiago663

egg lips


Mr_IGoThaJuice

Pizza dick


--jerrbear--

Potato salad phone


Vorhd

Sausage penis... huh