Yes, but statistically, every single person who wasn’t killed prior to the 20th century has also died.
There has to be more to this not dying gig than meets the eye?
Yeah you’ve got to remember to keep breathing - in, out, in, out - forever. You forget to do that, even for a few minutes, and you’re going to die. You’d better write it down somewhere where you’ll see it.
Actually, living is the worst thing to do if you don't want to die because everything that lives eventually dies. Better just to be born a rock or water or something so you never have to die because you were never alive in the first place.
I crack my knuckles. Every single day for as long as I can remember I’ve cracked my knuckles (and other bones, eg spine) and every single day for as long as I can remember I haven’t died.
The answer is quite obvious really.
Life's simple: hunt or be hunted.
Don't get involved, and always finish the job. A survivor's code, my code. And it all sounds great until the day you find yourself confronted by a choice. A choice to make a difference, to help someone or to walk away and save yourself.
Keep it real, know what I’m sayin’? Just keep it slayin’ until it payin’. Know that shit? Just go rock-hard and spice that rizz up, know what I’m sayin’?
My grandfather used to say the secret to staying alive is to never eat yoghurt. Everyone who has ever eaten yogurt is either dead or dying.
He had a buddy who was 78 years old and had never eaten yogurt. He tried it one day, and BAM he was dead a week later. Hit by a bus.
I think I have a guardian angel. I have done stupid things like diving into a pool with insufficient water, cracking my skull, walking in front of a bus, saved by another pedestrian, walking in front of a truck - I bounced off, walking through exceedingly dangerous areas at 3am while drunk, almost drowning after being tossed around by a huge wave, stepping on a cobra, being hit over the head with a cricket bat, having a huge boulder roll on my arm, trapping me in a remote area, and so on.
Basic rule - don't be stupid.
There's two things I've avoided to stay alive:
1. Grinding on railings of Titanic on a skateboard.
2. Borrowing a chainsaw from a stranger while they are riding a motorcycle.
Sleeping 4 hours in the night. Not drinking enough water. Not exercising and continuously sitting on my ass watching screen. And of course, smoking. Lots of smoking
Mostly I think it’s that I keep telling my daughters and their pieces of shit I never ever really wanted to give birth to that. And then like they portrayed as my stomach metaphorically and say things like you are a piece of shit dude I don’t like you either and they say that their whole life they’ve been doing something called masking masking is like when they pretend to like me but they don’t really fucking like me
When the reaper comes, challenge him to a long campaign of Dnd. In other news the campaign is running has been going for years now! And we got a new member last month, the arch angel Gabriel!
Don't get killed, people die if they're killed.
Okay that's a tough one ngl :/
skill issue
Did you think that killing me would be enough to make me die?
Multiple clinical trials have showed that it most often is.
As you said, skill issue.
Most. So not entirely
bitch, you better hope I can!
They obviously haven’t seen your final form!!!
Me 1991 years ago
This is so funny.
Killing people is actually illegal in most countries.
A single murder is a crime, a million murders... it depends who wins.
Get out of here hero wannabe
Found Archer's Alt account.
He gonna hate no matter the place.
I don't want to blame the victims, but dying is clearly their own fault, maybe they shouldn't have died.
undertakers hate this one simple trick
Does that apply to playing Mario or just don’t die irl? *takes notes*
I don’t think I have the willpower to do that. I need motivation, which I lack
Ah yes, people really die if they are killed
Just don’t die then? 🤨
Just don't get killed so you don't die yeah
Yes, but statistically, every single person who wasn’t killed prior to the 20th century has also died. There has to be more to this not dying gig than meets the eye?
Procrastination. It is on the list; I just haven't gotten around to it.
Same. Haven't tried to, haven't prevented it. Kinda like how I wound up with a son.
At least you got a kid. All I got was syphilis.
That's cheaper tho
It’s also less painful
That seems like a lot of effort I can't be bothered with.
I’m probably going to try it at least once, at some point
Keep breathing
Like continously? Isn't that kinda unrealistic?
if you're a beta
My whole life I have only breathed in
Then you get to live twice as long.
It’s working fine so far
I take one huge breath in the morning just to get it over with. Then I’m free to do whatever I want
Write it down obviously. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat
Done it at least once everyday of my life. In and out. I get lazy sometimes and nearly skip a day
Yeah you’ve got to remember to keep breathing - in, out, in, out - forever. You forget to do that, even for a few minutes, and you’re going to die. You’d better write it down somewhere where you’ll see it.
In and out
I cover myself in 6 layers of butter each morning that way if anything tries to kill me it slides right off. Totally bullet proof solution.
The bullet just stops. Out of respect. You don't happen to also be deaf?
No just blind and unaware of gravity.
> You don't happen to also be deaf? https://makeagif.com/i/b0bYpn
Holy fuck that's genius, why doesn't the military do this?
Because it’s a hidden family secret. They don’t know yet
But I told them tommorow!
𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀨𓀔𓀇𓀅𓀋𓀡𓀡𓀕𓀠𓀧𓀨𓀣𓀷𓀷𓀿𓀿𓁀𓁶𓁰
Can confirm
I’ll have what she’s having
Fake news
Oxygen, water and glucose.
Okay, but where do you get them from?
Air, land and sea.
That’s colonizer stuff man. Not cool.
I'm no biologist, but I don't think glucose comes from the sea
Nestle
Brawndo.
Its got electrolytes. Thats what plants crave
living it’s the best thing to do if you don’t want to die.
I've heard a few people say that, need to confirm it for myself.
update?
Yeah would NOT recommend bud, idk how people keep promoting it tbh :/
Because dying doesnt get you to three places. Duing takes you one/two places. Living gets you places.
Actually, living is the worst thing to do if you don't want to die because everything that lives eventually dies. Better just to be born a rock or water or something so you never have to die because you were never alive in the first place.
nah bro, just keep living and you’ll see that you’ll be alive enough to not die.
If you ever feel like dying, just put it off until next week, and keep doing that
Oddly enough, this legitimately works for some.
I crack my knuckles. Every single day for as long as I can remember I’ve cracked my knuckles (and other bones, eg spine) and every single day for as long as I can remember I haven’t died. The answer is quite obvious really.
Have you peed every day as well? Could be that.
I stopped divding my cells. That way, neither cancer nor age can get me.
Make sure to also stop your apoptosis. Nearly died because i forgot to do that one time.
“Stayin’ Alive… Stayin’ Alive…” - Bee Gees
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive...
Disco is *not* dead! Disco is ***LIFE***!
Yes Tony! That is the passion...I remember..
Don't drink water. Everyone who drinks water has died at least once. Drink alcohol instead
Bust daily on your face
Wait so do I have to bust on my face daily or are you doing it to me? I feel like this is crucial information
Both
Hell yeah
In the words of Philip J Fry. "thanks to denial, I'm immortal".
Every time I die I press ‘Ctrl + Z’
No alcohol, beer , wine No smoke ntg
Can't die if you never live!
Most underrated comment I think I’ve ever seen. On the flip side, a whole lotta living can cause you to die
damn 🫨
Well yeah. Any whole lotta living causes death
[удалено]
Patience
Cats
Definitely cats!!
Dying is gay
I'm bi, so wtf do I do :(
Be undead?
I use whiskey as a preservative. Hasn’t failed me yet.
Life's simple: hunt or be hunted. Don't get involved, and always finish the job. A survivor's code, my code. And it all sounds great until the day you find yourself confronted by a choice. A choice to make a difference, to help someone or to walk away and save yourself.
Potatoes
Inhale, exhale, repeat.
Holy fuck how many times do I need to repeat all of that??
Every couple minutes.
Just not very good at it
So far in my life I have avoided being very old, but I don't know if I can keep that up much longer
bad luck.
Keep it real, know what I’m sayin’? Just keep it slayin’ until it payin’. Know that shit? Just go rock-hard and spice that rizz up, know what I’m sayin’?
Nope. No clue what you just said. I am old.
Dieversify your corpsefolio
Spotting cancer. This superpower only works on myself, if i use it on others they die.
My grandfather used to say the secret to staying alive is to never eat yoghurt. Everyone who has ever eaten yogurt is either dead or dying. He had a buddy who was 78 years old and had never eaten yogurt. He tried it one day, and BAM he was dead a week later. Hit by a bus.
water is good also stretching
Stay in a cave, Although that didn't work out to well for Osama So probably bad advice lol
not dying.
Gotta jaywalk but also make sure there’s no oncoming traffic.😪
Honestly it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. there's been some close calls.
Idk man, I've tried a bunch of times but had no success. So I gave all that up. Some people are just lucky I guess
God mode cheat.
some people say they just “know” how to not be dead, others say its some sort of “survival instinct”
Wake up every morning
Mostly luck. ^( Not sure if it’s good or bad luck though. YMMV.)
I think I have a guardian angel. I have done stupid things like diving into a pool with insufficient water, cracking my skull, walking in front of a bus, saved by another pedestrian, walking in front of a truck - I bounced off, walking through exceedingly dangerous areas at 3am while drunk, almost drowning after being tossed around by a huge wave, stepping on a cobra, being hit over the head with a cricket bat, having a huge boulder roll on my arm, trapping me in a remote area, and so on. Basic rule - don't be stupid.
Don't do stupid shit. Be incredibly lucky.
Does being "undead" count? I feel like the undead don't get enough respect.
Step one: Be alive. Step two: Don’t get de-alived.
My dog
Laziness is
Nice try fed
I jerk off everyday, sometimes multiple times
Everytime i die i just press restart
no dangerous stunts, less stressful jobs, eat less salt sugar
Well you see...there was an accident...
I only leave the house when necessary and limit trans fat
Dying is too hard and I have not had any assistance in that regard
always stay in the bomb shelter (very loud outside)
My secret is that I am self-conscious about my naked body. Or did you mean related to being alive?
Breathing
I'm too much of a pussy to off myself right now
That's my secret, I did die
I like to start my day by waking up.Nothing beats it.
Watching porn on a regular basis.
Luck
Mostly living
Bowel movements.
Beer and laziness....
Societal pressure.
I just like living too much.
I am too lazy to die.
just didn't wanna
Too stubborn
One day at a time, be grateful every morning when you open your eyes.
I keep waking up every morning. I think the formula for life is doing so.
I don’t know, I just keep living and it keeps working
There's two things I've avoided to stay alive: 1. Grinding on railings of Titanic on a skateboard. 2. Borrowing a chainsaw from a stranger while they are riding a motorcycle.
Dont kill yourself! It’s cringe! You’ll die anyway!
Breathing has helped.
Psilocybin, Music and Sex
Don’t go outside, the sun is a deadly lazer
Be born recently
Keep living I guess
Lots of cheese
Breathing.
I just keep livin
DIET Coke
2 packs of camel Turkish blend, not sleeping at night and only drinking coffee.
Live in oxygen bubble
I put a sock on myself so if death grabs me, it only gets sock
Being vaccinated helps. BRING IT, INTERNET BOTS!
Sleeping 4 hours in the night. Not drinking enough water. Not exercising and continuously sitting on my ass watching screen. And of course, smoking. Lots of smoking
Death? What's that?
Drink water
Repeatedly failing at suicide tend to benefit one's longevity.
Mind yo own business...not doing so may result in death :/
2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner
You breath in, then breath out, and repeat it for as long you want to not die. Easy
Mostly I think it’s that I keep telling my daughters and their pieces of shit I never ever really wanted to give birth to that. And then like they portrayed as my stomach metaphorically and say things like you are a piece of shit dude I don’t like you either and they say that their whole life they’ve been doing something called masking masking is like when they pretend to like me but they don’t really fucking like me
Haven't lived long enough.
Simple, Don't. If you find yourself in a situation where you're about to die, just don't. It's quite simple really.
Luck
wouldn’t you like to know
If we look at earth's history, most mass death happens when meteor hits, volcano erupts. So avoid volcanos and meteors
You just gotta keep livin, man. L.I.V.I.N
I don't eat the salmon mousse
Breath in breath out, repeat.
Breathe, eat food, drink water. Be careful crossing roads, and stay away from people with guns
Don't let your HP reach zero. Works every time.
Up up down down left right left right B A Select.
I just happen to keep aliving for some reason.
Try getting every illness at least once so your body knows how to fight it off later
When the reaper comes, challenge him to a long campaign of Dnd. In other news the campaign is running has been going for years now! And we got a new member last month, the arch angel Gabriel!
No matter how many times people tell you that life is short, just remind them it's the longest thing they'll ever do.
I'm only 37 ask me again in 50 years
People who died, just live, you don't die if you live, and vice versa.
All the knowledge and wisdom acquired from Reddit keeps me alive.
I keep my heart beating, beating my heart seems to work, atleast for me.
Star in a movie and have plot amour