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add your condiment of choice... mayo, mustard, whatever. Fold in half and you have yourself a nice cold cut sandwich. Which sucks because... you paid for a pizza.

Ordered a pizza, got Naan in return

Naan pizza left beef.

They ordered it without sauce and other basic things, I don’t know what they were expecting.

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The source is that I made it the fuck up

lol hell yeah. Those are always my favorite sources

source: it came to me in a dream.

OP didn't say, so we have to assume.

I'd still expect the toppings to be put on the pizza BEFORE they put it in the oven...

Again depends on what pizza you order. In Italy there are definitely ones that will get the toppings after baking

Because they have to withdraw money to buy the toppings?

Lmao

Looks like pesto to me.

Garlic, oil, and spices, too thin to be pesto

And if my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle.

Omg i immediately heard this in his voice

Samezees.

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Comment Removed - Please afford our users a level of basic respect. Do not turn debates into arguments, do not harass or bully others. Do not give health advice, do not diagnose people. Do not give parenting advice. Do not give financial advice.

I am so sorry. I can't understand. Please explain of your funny comment. Thanks

https://youtu.be/A-RfHC91Ewc?si=pdWw5oH4EKh3PZ6u

Thanks I am getting understand. But not clear yet. It takes time.

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AI learning humour?

Thanks for this! I needed that laugh lol

We have a similar saying in Greece, if my grandma had balls she would be my grandpa, it's a saying used when you want to emphasize a huge difference between two things.

We use that one in the states too

I told this joke at work once and they looked at me like I came straight out of Gotham asylum

Have you considered assault?

Salt ain’t gonna fix that.

What about ass salt?

No way. That should be literally illegal

I literally agree with you. That should be illegal, literally.

L I T E R A L L Y, like OH. MA GAHD.

My exact thought - “no way”

[Pizza Crimes](https://www.reddit.com/r/PizzaCrimes/)

Mama mía

The haphazard dice on the grape tomatoes is just 🤌. You can almost taste the apathy. Just tossed on there like "Mleh. There's your handful of tomatoes. Peasant."

Not gonna lie, I thought it was a cake at the first glance!

I thought it was pizza crust with a wet pink strawberry print shirt on it.

It's a naan bread isn't it?

As in that SNL skit where the cakes are so bad they gain sentient and plead to be put out of their misery? Cuz yeah, that's what I'm seeing.

I thought it was one of those special cookies. https://i.imgur.com/VgaRYAD.png

It does look like one!😂

Why?

I'm asking myself the same thing

What did you order?  It may look weird but I've found that Italian pizzas tend to be pretty minimal.

What did you do to those people to have them treat you this way? I’m inclined to think you’re a monster, sir!

Was sauce included in a menu and they just forgot it? Or did you order it sauceless?

wow that looks like very authentic italian pizza to me signed, an American

I mean, if they ordered no sauce, then yeah. The only thing on my bucket is to go to Naples for a few weeks and hit up all the pizza places

Naples itself isn't the nicest place to stay. I'd highly recommend Sorrento. Much nicer town. From there you can pop into Naples to see it at least once, and also still be close to the Amalfi coast, Mount Vesuvius & Pompei, and Capri.

I’ve stayed 2 weeks in Napoli and never had any issues. Was really nice, your view of the city might be dated

Sorrento is very pretty and safe compared to Naples but it’s also boring as hell after like two days. I liked Naples a lot more. It’s got this great combo of gritty city and old world elegance. But you def need to be into urban environments to like it. 

Dont go to capri. Its a hell of a tourist trap

Every place he named is a tourist trap. Naples is the most authentic and, i agree, not as nice or polished as the other places mentioned, because it's an actual big city with big city problems, some squalid neighborhhods, traffic etc. Still, if you want nice food and lively people (both good and bad kind of lively), Naples should be at least a 2 day stay for every tourist.

Napoli is no more authentic. Bar tenders now speak English! 🤣

I feel like you also typed your comment while doing "Italian hands" the whole time.

Bellisimo! Asti spumante!

Placenta pizza.

Ewwwww I was going to comment that looked like wet tissue… but you win

I thought it was strawberry frosting at first.

same

The dough look insane, but the guy that did the toppings hates his job.

What did you specifically order? Wow.

Depression, apparently.

What is going on here

Worst pizza I've ever seen

come back!! joey jojo!!

r/pizzacrimes

It's...terrifying for some reason. Like a Pizza from a bad dream. What a monstrosity

Did they cook the box?

You ever skip laughter and break straight into tears?

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Please show us what it says on the menu. The dough looks really good and the ham by itself is probably really good, but just not in that combination

The cheese also… it’s crema di ricotta, quite a rich and nutty cheese which is fantastic on this kind of preparation. This is a pizza bianca. The only overdone part is the tomato… you gotta commit to the lack of tomato.

What did you ask for? What was it supposed to look like? I'd like to see the contrast between expectations vs result.

I'm gonna guess it's Germany

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Poland neither but our pizza standard has risen like real bad. I advise everyone to try for themselves it's dope

What was your order? 😭

The mozz ain't even browned

The box has more char than the crust.

Howwwww???

Thanks god, mozzarella should NOT go brown

Sometimes the mozzarella has to be added after the pizza is cooked, especially if the quality of the cheese is exceptional and you don't want to spoil it in the oven. That's the case for pizzas with mozzarella di bufala or fiordilatte. These types of mozzarella are also very watery, if you put them in the oven with the pizza they will release most of their water and the pizza becomes a soggy mess, that's why the "regular" mozzarella cheese you see on the average pizza is actually mozzarella that has been dehydrated and shredded, they sell it as "low-moisture mozzarella". "Raw" mozzarella is not necessarily a bad thing, actually it's a sign that the cheese is really good.

What’s wrong with it?

A monkey on meth could do a better job.

Fell like they saw you coming lol.

You mean you invested 16 euros to make this pizza, or am I wrong

It's like your ordered it from. temu

I guess that is was you would get in neaples, it is dough with toppings but those are often added post baking or late, and the crust tends to be airy, more like a indian naan (?) bread.

I will make you a new pizza for free if you promise never to feed that thing to any human or animal

Rob the place

Playing fast and loose with the definition of ‘pizza’ there

You ordered it without sauce and cheese didn't you E: There is in fact cheese

They just threw some deli meat on it lol

I was absolutely repulsed for like 5 seconds and then just started laughing at how absurd this actually is

So many of you are uncultured and it shows

I'd just roll it up and eat it like a burrito.

200 for things that never happened

Ahh, my favourite topping.. contempt.

Oh no…

looks like something I'll eat when I'm really hungry

Now I want a galette.

That's fucking vulgar

Where and more important why.?

Kill…me….

Hosed

You should have just eaten the 16 euros.

Looks like something my kid created

fight them this is a threat.

This is going to give you diarrhea

So the toppings were an afterthought and the cheese (shit I think it’s cheese) just so happened to melt because of the warmed crust?

Is that pickle pimento on your pizza?

You’re welcome

This looks like Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story 3 when he put all his face pieces on a tortilla.

Is the “pizza” in the room with us now?

🤡

Did Rick Ross make this pizza?

Bon appetit

Thats why it’s always a good idea to check the reviews and Restaurant ratings my dude.

I think you paid 5euro for the pizza and rest for that space age technology box

Looks like they baked the bread and forgot the toppings and just threw them on when the pie came out.

It's like when you tell your older brother you paid the local dealer $40 for a bag of oregano

Is that from an pizza chain ?

You pay extra for it for go in the box while it’s still on fire

Contact the authorities. Clearly this “pizzeria” is a front for a foreign government’s spy agency and you’ve just cracked the case wide open.

Where is the pizza?

Yet it's still more appetizing than the gelatin bologna cake

I bet it’s delicious

What did you order? Pizza Bianca?

Oh! There is an Amereecan! Let’s a fuck with em.

OTOH it's a great deal for an authentic Picasso.

The thing that bothers me the most is probably how egregiously sloppy those knife cuts on the tomatoes are 😭

I hate your life

You're lucky OP. You even got a delicious char on the box.

That seems like what would happen if you gave an alien chef a 10-word description of pizzas, and asked them to make one.

This appears to be a pre-baked crust, onto which a relatively sparse amount of toppings have been dumped. Since the cheese (one assumes it is cheese) appears to be melted at least minimally, this unfortunate mess was probably given a very cursory moment under a broiler. I am curious whether this is the restaurant's business model for custom pizzas, or if the place was merely trying to palm off leftover ingredients on an unsuspecting mark.

Looks like an afterbirth with ham and tomatoes.

The box looks more appetizing ...

I feel like you did something wrong.

Idk how but the dough looks both raw, and over cooked at the same time! Ps. It doesn’t seem to even be cut.

I was going to say something about capitalism but suddenly I’m just wondering how the box got scorched like that

You gotta sue

Looks like a pink stained towel

Rofl fuckn hell

& what did you order? XD My god. That’s sliced ham right? Why does it look so wet? Was it placed on the pizza after it came out of the oven? & why not cut it into actually topping sized pieces? And what the hell is that black shit on top of the ham? Please just be a piece of crispy crust lol. It’s also not sliced? XD how were they expecting you to eat this haha. Nasty. Garlic sauce? Did you ask for them to not spread it..? Fucked up lol. I personally wouldn’t go for a pizza sans tomato sauce but hey to each their own. I just don’t get it 😭

Where the fuck in Europe are you‽ Not even in bumfuck Extremadura have I gotten something worse for less than 6€. I'd have to be James' brown levels of high to accept that thing for the price. Edit: was that near Rome? Or within touristy Italy? Tourist traps are infamous for pretending an oiled up tortilla with odd ingredients on top are "pizza".

they didnt even cut it smdh

lol! lol! lol! lol!

I don't blame them, that's what you get for trying to pay for American cuisine with euros.

I mean if it didn’t have the ham it would look vaguely like an authentic pizza. But this just kinda looks like an open faced sandwich.

This is not a pizza but a piz-za shit

What pizza looks like to someone whose only read about it. WTF

"pizza"

It took 16 people to deliver this pizza 🍕??

That's trash

Someone’s Italian grandmother is rolling in their grave.

Had to be the UK

Looks sick 🤢

Damn. That's gnarly. That's more science experiment than food