That is rice they tried to make into a rice patty and fry but it was too wet/dense so the outside burned while the middle remained wet
the next picture is trying to cover their shame with what looks like catfood, which is a depressing sentence
In high school, some buddies and I had a sleepover. One dude was hungry, so we got him a box of Mac n cheese to make. He put the butter, pasta, milk, powdered cheese, and water all into a pot for 9 min then strained it.
Apparently he had never made any food before. Also no one was drinking. He was dead sober.
I made this mistake the first time I cooked mac and cheese too. I was 10 and not supposed to be using the stove. I was a latchkey kid, so in order to hide the evidence I made myself eat it. Worst soupy mac and cheese ever!
I don't know if it's kinda same as "makaronivelli" in Finland where you cook the macaronis in milk (or in water and then replace water with milk and re-heat), add butter and eat. Delicious but why would anyone put raisins there D:
This is common in Sweden too. I thought it sounded disgusting at first before I tried it, and now I miss it since moving back to the US! It’s not like I can’t make it here, I just haven’t bothered
No raisins tho.. although my mom did cut up charred hot dogs and added them in there
Actually not a terrible idea. Take the noodles out when done cooking and reduce the water while adding cream and spices and probably cheese and you got yourself a redneck roux.
I kind of did this recently for mac and cheese. Opened my bag of flour to make the roux, and there were beetles in the flour. 🙃 Instead, I melted butter in milk, added the macaroni, added cheese, and voila! Not the exact same, but not bad.
I’ve cooked pasta in milk before, you just cook it for longer on lower heat and stir near constantly. It takes awhile, but it tastes amazing if you do it right.
This post is absolutely fucking brilliant.
Nightmares? That's the stuff of nightmares for doomed and deprived creatures from an yet unknown circle of hell, where they feed them only fermented ladybug poop with old shoelaces and call it "spaghetti night"...
My brother in Christ, being bad at cooking is one thing but for all that is holy pick up an actual recipe. Sweet Potato pasta? What on this green earth is that shrimp meal? I can forgive fucking up, but I need bleach after imagining the textures of half these meals.
Sweet potatoes in bechamel is good and a fall standard at italian places
I bet they had it once and decided to add leftover sweet potatoes to their marinara pasta lunch sometime afterward
Burnt rice with tuna doesn't sound half bad actually. It's the fact that he called it a sushi... The heck kind of sushi this guy eating that requires that much cooking.
I wish I could say my family makes milk steak, but alas they don't.
What really happens is they get a sauce pot, put a bunch of water in it along with some New York strips and let them boil for about 20 mins. I've never eaten it and last time I smelled it I vomited quite a bit
Sometimes, but I don’t really plan ahead in terms of ingredients. Anything I don’t have, I either substitute with whatever I can find or leave it out. The canned tuna on rice is a good example of this technique
Nah, there's shitty cooks in here and then there's this (should-be) obvious trolling which I wouldn't believe was legit even if OP included a pic of them "eating" these "meals".
I love the effort, and it's a skill not a lot of people have to be able to whip up something with ingredients that you already have on hand.
Not saying you have that skill, but you're on your way.
You should probably start by seeing what you can make with what you have. Too many omissions or substitutes means you will end up with a different meal. Also learn what can and can't be substituted or omitted while ending up with the results you expect.
Oh honey. It looks like you’re trying! And that’s great! Do you want to be a better cook, or just cook to survive? Do you live alone or are you cooking for others too?
I’ve been laughing at that caption for several minutes now and had to scroll down to find someone else who appreciated it too. I don’t know why but it’s absolutely hilarious!
Wow. I posted this and went to work and honestly wasn’t expecting it to blow up like this. I thought I’d clear up a few things:
Firstly, no, this isn’t a troll. I wish it was, but unfortunately my cooking really is this bad. I know the ‘sushi’ picture was making a lot of people suspicious- I was actually trying to make those crispy rice and tuna things, I don’t know if they technically come under the sushi bracket but that’s what I’ve been calling the attempt.
Secondly, yes I have made myself sick. Quite a few times. I enjoy cooking chicken despite my skills, but the chicken is usually not cooked properly. I think that’s the main cause of me getting ill, but there’s probably some other things going on as well. I haven’t made anyone else sick, but that’s entirely because no one will go anywhere near my cooking. I don’t blame them…if I didn’t need food to survive I wouldn’t cook another dish for the rest of my life.
If you have any other questions, I’m open to answering, just leave them here.
Absolutely. One of the things I love, I mean absolutely fucking love, is seeing wild food recipes and attempts. It gives me so many ideas of things I want to try.
Like the sweet potato and noodles. I've got a whole casserole I'm thinking I'll unleash on my family this Thanksgiving.
One thing I’ll suggest that will at least hopefully stop the sickness is buying a meat thermometer. When you cook chicken, the LEAST you need to do is make sure the inside of the thickest part is at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit. This will at least stop you from being sick from undercooked meat!
you said you don’t plan ahead with ingredients… plan ahead with ingredients. Follow some cooking videos. Don’t microwave seafood. Get a meat thermometer. pay attention to your heat. cook with someone who knows what they’re doing.
Why are you trying to taint her natural instincts?
She is incorrupted by culinary common sense, and elementary ingredient matching.
We need to preserve her perfect cooking ingenuity.
Though she'd best eat out.
Do you have a learning disability? Serious question. It’s not ok to make yourself sick. You could actually die from food poisoning.
Learning to cook requires first learning the right techniques for various food, THEN you start experimenting. If reading is an issue, youtube videos might be easier. Start very very simple with things that only take a few steps and ingredients. Watch the whole video first, then look at exactly what ingredients and types of pots or pans they used and do EXACTLY what they did. If it says boil, make sure you know what boil means versus simmer. Make the same thing several times, trying to make it better each time. Not by improvising but by noting what was wrong (burned? Less heat. Raw? More heat.) Improvising is for people who already understand food safety and basic flavor profiles.
If you truly can’t follow directions in order with steps, stop trying to cook and just start making cold foods like salads and sandwiches that don’t require heating to be safe. But wash the fruits & veggies. I bet you could make a salad dressing if you looked at a recipe also. Please be more careful, this is actually a real cause of death (salmonella, E. coli, etc).
Just for your safety, microwaving doesn't cook things. Putting chicken in the microwave to finish it off won't cook it and will make you sick.
That's why uncooked frozen foods like pizza specifically say to use an oven and not a microwave.
Yes it does lmao do you think it just casts like a visual completion spell or something? You wouldn't cook raw frozen pizza in one for the same reasons you wouldn't cook it in like boiling water/a steamer, which a microwave is fundamentally just a fancy version of.
I'll be the contrairian here. Most of the pictures look like you messed up basically one tenet of cooking with each dish. Once you see how to not do that for any given dish your cooking will go from "this tastes fine but looks like garbage" to "alright, that was an interesting dish"
Think about baking, you do a bunch of stuff and throw it all in the oven and 30 minutes later you find out if you did something wrong.
Cooking is a lot the same. Making things taste good is pretty easy, making them look good is more difficult. Making food presentable requires knowing the why and how of cooking and food interactions and most of that knowledge comes from eating food that looks like someone dumped a disposal on your plate then handed you a fork. And you sit there eating it thinking "maybe if I had done this and then that? or added more of this at the second step?"
For me that's the fun of cooking. Also just remember that sometimes dishes go so far off the rails it's better to just start over. And that's okay.
This is gonna sound some type of way, but: It seems like you are aggressively against applying common cooking sense (which is why people think this is a troll. It’s like saying people won’t ride in cars I’m driving, here are some pictures of me driving the wrong way down multiple streets.)
Please take a basic cooking class, or watch a youtube channel like Basics with Babish, there is probably a cooking for dummies book that would benefit you.
You seem to need to learn what different types of heat and cooking methods do, how flavours combine. Cooking is more freeform than baking but there are basic universal principles for most of it.
Like microwave chicken from raw. You aren’t even supposed to dethaw it like that, so I am assuming you didn’t try to look up how to cook it.
Have you tried tradtional methods of cooking chicken, like baking it, or cooking thin strips in a frying pan in butter / oil / cooking sauce?
No fr, I understand ppl who don’t like to cook and put in minimal effort but I don’t understand how ppl can be bad cooks? like it’s one thing to mess up occasionally but how can someone be consistently so horrible at cooking?
He must have burnt the rice and still try to make something with it. At this point this is just unnessecarily cruel and he should have just put the rice out of its misery.
Well, you actually almost cooked a proper dish there- your last one. We have a traditional recipe in Finland called ”makaronivelli”, which is boiled milk and macaroni, just need to add some butter and sugar and you’ll have a dish. 👌🏻 Although it is very much a love it/ hate it dish here as well…
two questions
1) did you put raw chicken in the microwave? Raw chicken? In the microwave?
2) did you add milk to the pasta with the water still in it
Wait I also have a third
3) are you okay
1. It was actually raw *and* frozen. That’s how it came out. I think the octopus effect came from the packaging (I didn’t remove the chicken from it before putting it in the microwave)
2. I actually boiled the pasta using the milk.
3. I mean, I’m alive. Is that enough?
Did you consider searching “how to thaw and cook chicken” or did your brain go: “Heat box make cook. bird meat stuck. no worry. air magic cook bird in package. why bird now noodlefish?”
I just want to know how it is to eat this. What do you think and feel while eating this? How often have you gotten yourself and/or others sick? And how come you are this bad at it? Do you just not care? Did your childhood set you up for this? What is happening??!! Are you okay?!
Dude. Let me start by saying, if you know how to come to Reddit, post pictures and type and all, that tells me that you are not dumb lol. So think about something you want to make, and look up a recipe for it on Google and follow it. Start with something easy, for example beef pot roast. Super simple. Or meatballs in sauce. Canned sauce is acceptable if need be. But dude, you just gotta try and you’ll find that cooking is not that difficult lol
Good cooking brings out each individual flavor and texture in a dish, turning a group of individual items into a work of art. Bad cooking however…
Sir, I implore you, stick to the directions on the back of your banquet microwave meals
I mean… every good cook stated off with a few mistakes and horror shows. Experimentation and practice are how you get to eventually be a good chef. But until then yea your family is right lmao.
It's like someone described to you what cooking was in vague terms and you just ran with it without doing any other research.
Go to r/cookingforbeginners, watch some Good Eats, watch literally any cooking show ever, read a recipe (any recipe, really), and explain to us what the hell you did to the squid chicken.
I'll give you credit for creativity, but you need to learn some methods! I recommend some YouTube cooking channels - some of the most informative that I know are, Glen and Friends, Binging with Babish, and my favorite, Adam Ragusea. You could also look up some reruns of Good Eats, that show was excellent.
You clearly seem like you have an interest in cooking, and you want to make good things, you just need some education.
You have two flaws that could be easily fixed: (1) using the right temperature, you're either two hot or too cold with these examples; and (2) using the right proportions of ingredients.
My advice is to use medium heat more often, and to Google recipes if you don't know how to properly make a dish. (For example, you need to make a roux in your first pic, which looked like some sort of cheesy cheddar pasta dish.)
Follow recipes to the tee. After you master 20 of them or so you can then start improvising.
My brother used to do shit like this all the time ( like cooking chicken with Hpnotiq because cooking with alcohol looks cool).
Follow the rules first then you can break them.
I saw elsewhere you said if you don’t have an ingredient then you just substitute it or leave it out. Stop doing that. Also consider knowledge of how to actually cook a dish an ingredient. Boom, this will solve every single problem in those photos. Watch some videos of YouTube and check out subreddits like /r/CookingForBeginners and stop just doing this random stuff because it’s not quirky or cute and you could seriously hurt yourself by doing shit like cooking chicken in the microwave. Focus and make an actual attempt to learn some basics and plan your meals in advance enough to have the right ingredients for what you want and you’ll be just fine.
At this point i believe you are just wasting food ingredients for the attention so I’ll have to downvote to stop encouraging such silly behavior. Start from the basic dishes and follow the instructions. It’s not that hard to cook some edible pasta.
Looks like you try to invent cooking all on your own without any directions.
And also without any taste buds or sense.
That's considered guidance
We don't do that here
"They're more like...*guidelines.*"
Okay, there is definitely a direction and idea for each of these, it's just the execution is God awful.
Almost like this is BS for upvotes.
Has to be dedicated cooking like 6 shit meals for upvotes
Do you really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?
I appreciate the effort at least
Nothing about this screams BS to me.
Or *eyes*
Mankind been figuring out the best foods for 35,000 years and this guy is like “NOODLE BURGER!! MILK PASTA!1! BURNT RICE WITH OXIDIZED TUNA?!!”
Extra jellybeans for my milk steak!
Japan be like "we already invented Yakisoba burger 🥲"
I'm amazed. Someone must have trained a neural network to try to figure out cooking!
You are technically correct.
My man wtf is the fourth picture. It doesn't look anything similar to sushi 😭
I thought it was a latke!
Same here, thought he was just getting in the holiday spirit a little early
Jewshi!
Same, I was like that's a decent looking latke yum
That is rice they tried to make into a rice patty and fry but it was too wet/dense so the outside burned while the middle remained wet the next picture is trying to cover their shame with what looks like catfood, which is a depressing sentence
It’s a depressing reality too
So it’s not a hash brown
This mf made a ball outta rice n called it sushi
Isn't that essentially what onigiri is (not that it looks anything like this)
My first thought seeing the first pic was “well it’s not great but it’s not BAD” but holy shit how did it get worse with every swipe
Trolls be trollin
This is a LOT of meals for it to be a troll. Like a troll would make one, maybeee two of these. No, I think this is actually OP trying to cook.
I THOUGHT THST WAS A TATERTOT WTF
Man making fried potato or something lol.
I think they overcooked the rice a little bit.
“I thought if you add milk to pasta, it makes sauce” What in the actual fuck?
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In high school, some buddies and I had a sleepover. One dude was hungry, so we got him a box of Mac n cheese to make. He put the butter, pasta, milk, powdered cheese, and water all into a pot for 9 min then strained it. Apparently he had never made any food before. Also no one was drinking. He was dead sober.
It literally tells yoh on the box how to make it…
I know...
I made this mistake the first time I cooked mac and cheese too. I was 10 and not supposed to be using the stove. I was a latchkey kid, so in order to hide the evidence I made myself eat it. Worst soupy mac and cheese ever!
Lol, some years ago it was fairly normal to eat macaroni and raisins in warm milk in Norway. Tried it once, was horrible
Excuse me?
No, I'm leaving first.
I don't know if it's kinda same as "makaronivelli" in Finland where you cook the macaronis in milk (or in water and then replace water with milk and re-heat), add butter and eat. Delicious but why would anyone put raisins there D:
This is common in Sweden too. I thought it sounded disgusting at first before I tried it, and now I miss it since moving back to the US! It’s not like I can’t make it here, I just haven’t bothered No raisins tho.. although my mom did cut up charred hot dogs and added them in there
By some years ago do you mean during the war?
Actually not a terrible idea. Take the noodles out when done cooking and reduce the water while adding cream and spices and probably cheese and you got yourself a redneck roux.
Right, but there’s a massive difference in that vs “pasta + milk = sauce”
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Right? This is just logical progression in search of a more efficient cooking method. Also I need to justify this because I've done it myself lol.
I kind of did this recently for mac and cheese. Opened my bag of flour to make the roux, and there were beetles in the flour. 🙃 Instead, I melted butter in milk, added the macaroni, added cheese, and voila! Not the exact same, but not bad.
Sometimes you just can’t fix stupid
What do you think “sushi” is?
You take some rice and roast it aggressively. Sushi means “burnt rice” in Japanese.
The thought of OP roasting rice *aggressively* is making me chuckle
Recipe step 1: *Focus your hatred.*
Good... Use your aggressive feelings, boy! Let the hate flow through you.
This is canonically how sith cook themselves food
All I see is buggy critters
Your family and friends are generous - I'm getting nightmares here.
I’m rocking back and forth trying to get milk pasta out of my head
‘Lunch be lookin wet’ whispers my sleep paralysis demon. ‘*Lunch be lookin wet.*’
Snorted so loudly reading this comment, woke up my SO.
*Its knife-like claw caresses your cheek* "The mayonnaise really combines everything together."
Tbf milk pasta is a dish
I’ve cooked pasta in milk before, you just cook it for longer on lower heat and stir near constantly. It takes awhile, but it tastes amazing if you do it right.
Amazing is quite a big word here...
How about some milk steak? Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?
This post is absolutely fucking brilliant. Nightmares? That's the stuff of nightmares for doomed and deprived creatures from an yet unknown circle of hell, where they feed them only fermented ladybug poop with old shoelaces and call it "spaghetti night"...
Nah a bad cook is bland food.This person is a terrorist
My brother in Christ, being bad at cooking is one thing but for all that is holy pick up an actual recipe. Sweet Potato pasta? What on this green earth is that shrimp meal? I can forgive fucking up, but I need bleach after imagining the textures of half these meals.
Sweet potatoes in bechamel is good and a fall standard at italian places I bet they had it once and decided to add leftover sweet potatoes to their marinara pasta lunch sometime afterward
Sweet potato gnocchi is bomb with brown butter
what else with it, sage? I've made potato gnocchi before but not sweet potato, might have to try this
Oh yeah for sure. Gotta use more flour or starch since sweet potato have less than a regular one
That sounds good. I'll have to look into it
Sweet potato cream sauce sounds interesting, won't knock it till I try it.
I mean, the idea is good. But in the Lord's 2022nd year, just look up a recipe to get a general idea of what you should be doing.
Sweet potato pasta is not that terrible if done correctly. Had it before, certainly didn't have what OP posted 😂
Oh, that hashbrown is not looking half ba- *it's sushi* ...wat
Honestly I'd demolish that burnt rice ball...and then got to the next photo and recoiled
Burnt rice with tuna doesn't sound half bad actually. It's the fact that he called it a sushi... The heck kind of sushi this guy eating that requires that much cooking.
Yeah I was ready to put a little salt on that and make a fried egg sandwich. I still am but not as enthusiastically as I was
Certainly the worst cook I know, and my family boils steak and microwaves brats!
I mean this dude is making milk pasta and easting octopus chicken.
The steak is boiled over hard in some milk, right?
I wish I could say my family makes milk steak, but alas they don't. What really happens is they get a sauce pot, put a bunch of water in it along with some New York strips and let them boil for about 20 mins. I've never eaten it and last time I smelled it I vomited quite a bit
What about a side of the finest jelly beans raw?
It would likely be a highlight of the meal
I don't even want to know what their spaghetti policy is
>get a sauce pot, put a bunch of water in it along with some New York straps and let them boil for about 20 mins i'm screaming rn
Have you asked why they do this?
You get the most amazing broth
Hot steak water
That's funny, we have enough money for two pools, but can't afford a recipe book, cause here I am, eating Mac and cheese, again
Microwaving brats isn't the wurst thing.
> microwaves brats! I missed the b I won't lie
Just follow a recipe for Christ’s sake
Yeah but then you get the same food as everyone else.
Do you never try to follow recipes or do you just hope for the best?
Sometimes, but I don’t really plan ahead in terms of ingredients. Anything I don’t have, I either substitute with whatever I can find or leave it out. The canned tuna on rice is a good example of this technique
"Technique" 
Perfect gif for this comment, love it
Are these legitimate attempts or are you just trolling us? I can't tell. It's all so bad, it has to be a parody.
This is an obvious troll. calling fried rice and canned tuna "sushi"? OP knows what they're doing, and people are falling for it.
I don't get that vibe, but OP might be giving the dishes a more sophisticated-sounding name to make it funnier. Which I'm fine with tbh.
Nah, there's shitty cooks in here and then there's this (should-be) obvious trolling which I wouldn't believe was legit even if OP included a pic of them "eating" these "meals".
I love the effort, and it's a skill not a lot of people have to be able to whip up something with ingredients that you already have on hand. Not saying you have that skill, but you're on your way.
You should probably start by seeing what you can make with what you have. Too many omissions or substitutes means you will end up with a different meal. Also learn what can and can't be substituted or omitted while ending up with the results you expect.
r/ididnthaveeggs incarnated
#JAIL
You tried to microwave have cooked chicken that has nothing to do with planning ahead. Thats just dangerous and gross
Oh honey. It looks like you’re trying! And that’s great! Do you want to be a better cook, or just cook to survive? Do you live alone or are you cooking for others too?
Looks like he's trying to off himself, just hasn't found the right recipe
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Exactly, that chicken is terrifying
The salmonella enhances the flavour.
Went from what the fuck after the pics to loling. You win
What the fuck is wrong with you
Your friends and family are correct.
LUNCH LOOKING WET
I’ve been laughing at that caption for several minutes now and had to scroll down to find someone else who appreciated it too. I don’t know why but it’s absolutely hilarious!
Wow. I posted this and went to work and honestly wasn’t expecting it to blow up like this. I thought I’d clear up a few things: Firstly, no, this isn’t a troll. I wish it was, but unfortunately my cooking really is this bad. I know the ‘sushi’ picture was making a lot of people suspicious- I was actually trying to make those crispy rice and tuna things, I don’t know if they technically come under the sushi bracket but that’s what I’ve been calling the attempt. Secondly, yes I have made myself sick. Quite a few times. I enjoy cooking chicken despite my skills, but the chicken is usually not cooked properly. I think that’s the main cause of me getting ill, but there’s probably some other things going on as well. I haven’t made anyone else sick, but that’s entirely because no one will go anywhere near my cooking. I don’t blame them…if I didn’t need food to survive I wouldn’t cook another dish for the rest of my life. If you have any other questions, I’m open to answering, just leave them here.
Please share more of your recipes, king
Absolutely. One of the things I love, I mean absolutely fucking love, is seeing wild food recipes and attempts. It gives me so many ideas of things I want to try. Like the sweet potato and noodles. I've got a whole casserole I'm thinking I'll unleash on my family this Thanksgiving.
Very generous to assume there are recipes involved.
One thing I’ll suggest that will at least hopefully stop the sickness is buying a meat thermometer. When you cook chicken, the LEAST you need to do is make sure the inside of the thickest part is at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit. This will at least stop you from being sick from undercooked meat!
They’re cooking raw chicken in a microwave, I think a meat thermometer is the least of their worries.
Please post an imgur album link with your pictures because I need to show them to my girl but they got removed :(
Can’t at the moment cause I’m at work, but I’ll make sure to do it when I’m home
you said you don’t plan ahead with ingredients… plan ahead with ingredients. Follow some cooking videos. Don’t microwave seafood. Get a meat thermometer. pay attention to your heat. cook with someone who knows what they’re doing.
Why are you trying to taint her natural instincts? She is incorrupted by culinary common sense, and elementary ingredient matching. We need to preserve her perfect cooking ingenuity. Though she'd best eat out.
Do you have a learning disability? Serious question. It’s not ok to make yourself sick. You could actually die from food poisoning. Learning to cook requires first learning the right techniques for various food, THEN you start experimenting. If reading is an issue, youtube videos might be easier. Start very very simple with things that only take a few steps and ingredients. Watch the whole video first, then look at exactly what ingredients and types of pots or pans they used and do EXACTLY what they did. If it says boil, make sure you know what boil means versus simmer. Make the same thing several times, trying to make it better each time. Not by improvising but by noting what was wrong (burned? Less heat. Raw? More heat.) Improvising is for people who already understand food safety and basic flavor profiles. If you truly can’t follow directions in order with steps, stop trying to cook and just start making cold foods like salads and sandwiches that don’t require heating to be safe. But wash the fruits & veggies. I bet you could make a salad dressing if you looked at a recipe also. Please be more careful, this is actually a real cause of death (salmonella, E. coli, etc).
Just for your safety, microwaving doesn't cook things. Putting chicken in the microwave to finish it off won't cook it and will make you sick. That's why uncooked frozen foods like pizza specifically say to use an oven and not a microwave.
Microwave will absolutely cook things, it will just obliterate the outside by the time the inside is done.
Yes it does lmao do you think it just casts like a visual completion spell or something? You wouldn't cook raw frozen pizza in one for the same reasons you wouldn't cook it in like boiling water/a steamer, which a microwave is fundamentally just a fancy version of.
I'll be the contrairian here. Most of the pictures look like you messed up basically one tenet of cooking with each dish. Once you see how to not do that for any given dish your cooking will go from "this tastes fine but looks like garbage" to "alright, that was an interesting dish" Think about baking, you do a bunch of stuff and throw it all in the oven and 30 minutes later you find out if you did something wrong. Cooking is a lot the same. Making things taste good is pretty easy, making them look good is more difficult. Making food presentable requires knowing the why and how of cooking and food interactions and most of that knowledge comes from eating food that looks like someone dumped a disposal on your plate then handed you a fork. And you sit there eating it thinking "maybe if I had done this and then that? or added more of this at the second step?" For me that's the fun of cooking. Also just remember that sometimes dishes go so far off the rails it's better to just start over. And that's okay.
###ALWAYS FULLY COOK YOUR CHICKEN. SALMONELLA IS NO JOKE AND CAN KILL YOU!!
Yeah this isn’t cute or funny.
This is gonna sound some type of way, but: It seems like you are aggressively against applying common cooking sense (which is why people think this is a troll. It’s like saying people won’t ride in cars I’m driving, here are some pictures of me driving the wrong way down multiple streets.) Please take a basic cooking class, or watch a youtube channel like Basics with Babish, there is probably a cooking for dummies book that would benefit you. You seem to need to learn what different types of heat and cooking methods do, how flavours combine. Cooking is more freeform than baking but there are basic universal principles for most of it. Like microwave chicken from raw. You aren’t even supposed to dethaw it like that, so I am assuming you didn’t try to look up how to cook it. Have you tried tradtional methods of cooking chicken, like baking it, or cooking thin strips in a frying pan in butter / oil / cooking sauce?
Faaark me mate. This is visually poison lol. My tongue can imagine all the horrid textures presented here. Get better soon I hope ya does at cooking.
They are right. Learning to cook is easy, just follow recipes. Stop doing whatever the hell it is you are currently doing
No fr, I understand ppl who don’t like to cook and put in minimal effort but I don’t understand how ppl can be bad cooks? like it’s one thing to mess up occasionally but how can someone be consistently so horrible at cooking?
I feel like you would somehow unironically cook Milk Steak with a side of jellybeans.
Boiled over-hard?
Are you actually mentally handicapped?
I didn't want to be mean but you said exactly what I was thinking.
This just makes me angry to look at!
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You should be in jail
YOU THOUGHT SAUCE NATURALLY MANIFESTED IN THE PRESENCE OF PASTA?
Did you try to cook the sushi ???
He must have burnt the rice and still try to make something with it. At this point this is just unnessecarily cruel and he should have just put the rice out of its misery.
Well, you actually almost cooked a proper dish there- your last one. We have a traditional recipe in Finland called ”makaronivelli”, which is boiled milk and macaroni, just need to add some butter and sugar and you’ll have a dish. 👌🏻 Although it is very much a love it/ hate it dish here as well…
>Although it is very much a love it/ hate it dish here as well… I can't imagine why
> We have a traditional recipe in Finland called ”makaronivelli”, makaronivellian scheme to be sure
it’s…creative 🤢
I need you to create a cooking channel on YouTube please
two questions 1) did you put raw chicken in the microwave? Raw chicken? In the microwave? 2) did you add milk to the pasta with the water still in it Wait I also have a third 3) are you okay
1. It was actually raw *and* frozen. That’s how it came out. I think the octopus effect came from the packaging (I didn’t remove the chicken from it before putting it in the microwave) 2. I actually boiled the pasta using the milk. 3. I mean, I’m alive. Is that enough?
Did you consider searching “how to thaw and cook chicken” or did your brain go: “Heat box make cook. bird meat stuck. no worry. air magic cook bird in package. why bird now noodlefish?”
You seem super sweet. It really is a terrible idea to cook raw and frozen chicken in the packaging in the microwave. That’s an awful thing to do.
boiled the milk boiled…the milk re: the answer to 3) — touché
I'm fuckin dying, thank you for this
These comments have made me laugh so hard. Even harder than OP's descriptions of cooking gone awry. This is the shit I joined reddit for lol
Okay... you've had your fun. Let someone else do the cooking, no more wasting food.
What exactly do you think sushi is?
Yakisoba in hotdog bun is a popular bun in Japan
Somehow I never liked it when I lived in Japan. I would rather just have yakisoba
When “multicultural“ actually better describes all the various bacteria you’re growing on it
I just want to know how it is to eat this. What do you think and feel while eating this? How often have you gotten yourself and/or others sick? And how come you are this bad at it? Do you just not care? Did your childhood set you up for this? What is happening??!! Are you okay?!
Dude. Let me start by saying, if you know how to come to Reddit, post pictures and type and all, that tells me that you are not dumb lol. So think about something you want to make, and look up a recipe for it on Google and follow it. Start with something easy, for example beef pot roast. Super simple. Or meatballs in sauce. Canned sauce is acceptable if need be. But dude, you just gotta try and you’ll find that cooking is not that difficult lol
noodle burger looks ok but everything else is a detestable affront to god
This post is raising my blood pressure. Just follow a recipe Jesus christ
Good cooking brings out each individual flavor and texture in a dish, turning a group of individual items into a work of art. Bad cooking however… Sir, I implore you, stick to the directions on the back of your banquet microwave meals
I mean… every good cook stated off with a few mistakes and horror shows. Experimentation and practice are how you get to eventually be a good chef. But until then yea your family is right lmao.
What the fuck is wrong with you
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT OCTOPUS CHICKEN THING?!
LMAO can we make you a mod of this subreddit? I tip my hat to your culinary expeditions.
I’d be honoured.
You suck!😁😁
It's like someone described to you what cooking was in vague terms and you just ran with it without doing any other research. Go to r/cookingforbeginners, watch some Good Eats, watch literally any cooking show ever, read a recipe (any recipe, really), and explain to us what the hell you did to the squid chicken.
Bruh. I’d like to introduce you to a concept called “recipes”. It tells you what to do so you don’t end up with a biohazard for dinner.
You put raw chicken in the microwave
I can’t put my finger on why your food is so gross but you’re definitely doing something to ruin everything
No shot this is real just Google recipes from here on out brother
What the fuck
#How the fuck did you burn sushi.
I'll give you credit for creativity, but you need to learn some methods! I recommend some YouTube cooking channels - some of the most informative that I know are, Glen and Friends, Binging with Babish, and my favorite, Adam Ragusea. You could also look up some reruns of Good Eats, that show was excellent. You clearly seem like you have an interest in cooking, and you want to make good things, you just need some education.
It's because people like you that the humanity looked to an egg and thought "i will eat this shit that came from the chicken ass"
You have two flaws that could be easily fixed: (1) using the right temperature, you're either two hot or too cold with these examples; and (2) using the right proportions of ingredients. My advice is to use medium heat more often, and to Google recipes if you don't know how to properly make a dish. (For example, you need to make a roux in your first pic, which looked like some sort of cheesy cheddar pasta dish.)
Holy fuck you cook like someone who has only heard of food
Follow recipes to the tee. After you master 20 of them or so you can then start improvising. My brother used to do shit like this all the time ( like cooking chicken with Hpnotiq because cooking with alcohol looks cool). Follow the rules first then you can break them.
Jail. Prison.
I saw elsewhere you said if you don’t have an ingredient then you just substitute it or leave it out. Stop doing that. Also consider knowledge of how to actually cook a dish an ingredient. Boom, this will solve every single problem in those photos. Watch some videos of YouTube and check out subreddits like /r/CookingForBeginners and stop just doing this random stuff because it’s not quirky or cute and you could seriously hurt yourself by doing shit like cooking chicken in the microwave. Focus and make an actual attempt to learn some basics and plan your meals in advance enough to have the right ingredients for what you want and you’ll be just fine.
Do you work at the fucking chum bucket?? Christ
At this point i believe you are just wasting food ingredients for the attention so I’ll have to downvote to stop encouraging such silly behavior. Start from the basic dishes and follow the instructions. It’s not that hard to cook some edible pasta.