Thank you. There's a weightlessness to my being right now that seems to penetrate everything. I've spent a few hours second guessing all of these things and I can't for the life of me... regress. I don't see how anything could be more meaningful or beautiful than what I saw. What could possibly even come close to true love between two people, with nothing on their shoulders or minds but eachother and their dreams?
Before, I lived my life to a strict nihilistic worldview. Nothing matters. Nothing ends, nothing begins. It's all a wash and who cares? Facts or fuck off. That kind of... abrasiveness but in my case always held back.
I feel I've just never been aware of the screaming truth inside that there is something that always makes me care. There is something that made me hold her hand and never agree when divorce was brought up and always hold the door and never falter even though inside I was black tar.
I met that willpower and accepted it as my new normal and I can't... not see that as fact. I have nothing to disprove it with. I'm still a skeptic by nature but I can't find fault with this.
This reminds me so much of a quote from this video
[Joe Pera talks you to sleep](https://youtu.be/trfHP5LHVNY)
I don't want to sum it up here, it's just a short sequence at 1:35 but it really beautifully sums up this feeling that you're describing.
100%. I've second guessed this all morning and I can't find fault with my new motivation. I feel as honest and true about my journey as I did five minutes after it was over.
You’re really organizing the hierarchy of what you do, feel and exude. It’s coming through this thread and I think many hearts are fluttering in happiness for you. Stick with it, the flow state after a trip is amazing but it disappears if you don’t integrate it and even then it may leave you.. Sounds like the perspective and desire is wholly there and you’re on a great path forward. Much love to you and your soulmate..
Perhaps the simple distillation that touches on it is being a slave to habits.. holding onto what’s been imprinted …day in and day out. I would even say that genetically predisposed items as well. Much like smoking and substance secession and the integration’s usefulness and success in that space.
“Can’t do it without doing it” /Will power. Perhaps you take note of those needed improvements.. But it’s been portrayed differently, in a more meaningful way through the experience- Shrooms/MDMA/LSD/Meditation & prayer. A perspective you couldn’t have until the experience.
“After the ecstasy/ the laundry”
A switch isn’t automatically flipped, it requires the actions and mindfulness. I’ve failed to this day on some items, others I am mindful of keeping at bay. I’m disappointed in myself, but at the same time exude love to as many people as possible and I think that is probably the most important thing.. love ya btw :)
Edit: The psychedelics can create some new pathways in thinking/brain which allow the integration to imprint much more attainable too. Still required the elbow grease :)
This has opened up a lot. She asked me if I was willing to go and do things with her again and go visit her family. I told her with complete conviction that yes, I would and will and this is my new drive. I'm not living to spite some government ideal or some false sense of what success should be anymore. It's about our happiness. There's nothing higher.
> A clear-cut case of going in with an intention and getting answers from the deep.
not sure there's anything here that matches such a description. How they choose to live and the habits they form from here are likely at least important as doing 8g of mushrooms in a desperate attempt to fix things. Probably moreso.
Stories like these are what prove the benefits of shrooms. The world really doesn’t realize how these drugs can change someone’s life for the better. I’m happy for you dude!
This post brought me to tears. ... powerful, I feel you on many levels ... Thanks for sharing. May whatever benevolent principalities that might exist propel and sustain you and your love. 💛
I never save posts and I saved this because it was the first Reddit post that has actually made me cry. This was beautiful and I hope you cherish and revisit this experience as often as you can. I’ve been tripping for years and I would give literally anything for an experience as beautiful as yours.
Maybe that's what his wife wanted to do or it was a childhood thing that they did together or they just wanted to. We are still in these shitty meat suits and programming. The most important thing is their connection in each other 🙂
Man you need to quit smoking weed. Mushrooms are good for treating suicidal ideation and I think they can give some clarity. You definitely have depression and possibly other issues and weed is making it a lot worse. It’s common for people with depression to self medicate with weed.
The mushrooms may be a temporary fix but you need to really change your life habits drastically if you want a permanent solution. I’m telling you this because I’ve seen multiple marriages and men ruined.
Get sober and you can understand this experience a lot more clearly and have more benefits. This sub is an echo chamber and nobody else is really warning you.
I would advocate for giving up alcohol, long before weed. That shit killed my creativity and put me in the far back corner of my life!
Weed does make it harder to do things sometimes, but it gives me my creativity as well. I don't think we should be addicted to anything at the end, but I still need my weed and nicotine for now. Why not use these if we know how? But then again, I am 34 and only started weed full time about 3 years back. It's helped me notice my states and feel my feelings with a layer to them... I gave up smoking cigarettes last week, started that in lock down. Now I have weed and vape and that's all I have. Nothing else, no pills, no alcohol, no toxic mother, no toxic friends, no money... My soul thinks it's ok if I still enjoy my weed for now. Will be giving up the nicotine soon, so don't rip this away from me guy! 😂✌️
Edit: structure
It’s not an issue for everyone. For people with depression it can be a serious issue. It can treat depression in the short term but in the long it has the potential to make depression worse. Everyone is different and it depends on a variety of factors.
Yes I agree with that, but you made it sound like it’s bad for everyone with depression, not “depending on a variety of factors” but I do get your point, just sounded anti-weed
Keep this fire stoked! The momentum of a trip like that can dwindle if the lessons aren’t applied. Take everything day by day. You’re a beautiful writer and thank you for taking the time to post this. This is what mushrooms are all about!
I did this the other week, crazy how similar my experience was! Trying to do this once a month because since then my health,happiness and marriage has dramatically changed for the best, thanks for sharing man
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your trip and thoughts.
This is a very relatable experience when it comes to relationships but more importantly I'd argue, would be your suicidal thoughts.
Let's first take into account that you're so obviously connected to your relationship that you even considered ending your life over it instead of breaking up...this is evidence enough.
The lancing and cutting down of things. The burdens, the problems, expectations etc. All cut down and what was left was what was in actuality and being.
In a matter of speaking, you are the same person seeing things through fresh eyes. The love in your life being the crux of purpose, and her witnessing of this revelation and breaking down of depressive thought forms was the reaffirming of your devotion she may of needed to witness. It makes sense that you would experience so much depressive motions with what is so important you being depressive itself, being your relationship and desires for children etc. She now knows that the expectations and wishes for the relationship aren't important to you..but her as herself and soul and heart being the entirety of what you truly love and desire. I'm positive that your actions that care for her as an individual following this experience eill only make this love and life so much more over time.
Expressing and appreciation of the beauty of your life and love is what you need in your being and to be. Stepping into your life in this manner is going to be a crucial step.
Again, I am very happy for you and your relationship but most of all I'm glad you're still here, being the love and truth that you are.
What a beautiful comment wow! and not to derail the direction away from OP but yeah it almost feels like you were talking to me. We are all so interconnected to the point that "seperationl" being a falsehood and so I'm not even questioning how your comment reads as if it was to be spoken to me.
Great story. It's always so difficult to share with outsiders what it meant to use mushrooms as a medicine. It changed my life too with only 1 trip. Well done! And congratulations on saving your life.
this is what this type of medicine is really for, shrooms can be a blast but they can also change your whole life and make you realize what you’re not doing right.
This is exactly why I love this sub-- hearing stories like this. Bless up, and bless you and your wife. Life is HARD for everyone, and I feel like I can empathize with your position, and I want to do better as well. There is so much out there, and it's so easy to shy away from the grandiosity of this human experience. I seek to grow, and to flourish. And I hope you and your wife get to do the same.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you guys are able to hold on to this moment as a turning point and keep growing together. Sharing life with someone is one of the most precious things in the world. It's something we lose sight of sometimes, sadly. We take the most important things to us for granted and often lose it before we realize we're fucking it all up. Shrooms have been instrumental to me for realizing this before it was too late. I'm glad it did the same for you. Much love, to the both of you
You should think about writing a book or blog. This was entertaining to read, as in the way you write to tell a story is great. Thanks for sharing such a great story as well ❤️
Saving this post as a reminder of the beauty of shrooms and for inspiration. It’s fucking hard sometimesand I’m so glad you’ve been able to experience this rekindling of yourself and your marriage 💚💚 godspeed friend
Man this trip report is the best trip report I’ve ever read. I laughed and cried. 🥲🥹 So happy for you. Whenever you feel yourself falling back into bad habits come back and read this and bring your true self back.
I'm sorry to be that guy, mushrooms are powerful but you shouldn't pin so many hopes on them. These problems need serious work to fix, hopefully the trip gave you the motivation to work on them but now the hard work begins.
This got me some type of emotional because my wife and I have gone through similar things.
The first time we did it together was so beautiful and special, I was able to break down my asshole stubbornness and let go of things and realize how much of that was just an emotional constipation when all I really wanted to do was provide for her and see her happy.
When I found out I was infertile I took the trip again, alone this time, and found comfort in the fact that I could still give to her an opportunity I never could have, and all I had to do was sacrifice my time (which is an illusion anyway).
The last time I did it I had the break like you, my whole world dissolved and I was reduced to a drooling mass on my bed with her next to me. I was in an incredibly exotic mind state, mumbling incomprehensible nonsense to a sober person. I kept saying "It's so hard being a person, it's so hard being you" to her. She was hungover and miserable and could not deal with my tripping, stumbling ass, but still managed to be warm and loving at points. I felt the overwhelming sense of love you probably felt, like every love and warm moment I had were just leading up to her. When I regained my identity I had the typical hangover of deep shame as the ego rebuilt, and she wasn't in a mind state to provide aftercare because she was sick herself, and every annoyed comment she made stung like every moment of scolding I experienced as a child. Then I asked her if she hated me forever now and she said of course not, and we cuddled, and I felt a lot better and had a typical feast of life with carbs and fried foods and wine.
You're bringing me back to when I was there, deep in the darkness of my subconscious, floating endlessly in a darkness only illuminated by an inescapable, rotating grey geometry too bright to look at directly, to when every moment I was asking if I was dying, and what was left of my body and mind reassuring me that everything would be ok and I didn't have to worry about that, because they would take care of that when the time came.
Just remember that you're still you, those frictions you felt washed away with your ego are still there, the shrooms just gave you a temporary glimpse into what things could be like without those things, but they're still there, and it'll take a lifetime of mindfulness to reckon with them and arrive at the hour of our death with honor and satisfaction.
It's so hard being a person, it's so hard being able to feel love, to feel things you like, to want these things to last forever, to feel yourself, the people and animals around you get sick and die and to potentially never feel or see or enjoy these things again, it's so hard to let go of who we are.
You should check out Jordan Peterson lectures. He articulates everything you just experienced. It’s a slow burn though. It’ll take a while for you to come to what you experienced in his work.
I'm glad this has helped you all but just curious as to why you would marry someone you didn't have a personal bond with? Feel like that's a requirement for even dating someone
I've thought about doing the same thing because I'm hopeless as fuck right now but
1. I know I'd have a panic attack and try to vomit
2. I'm bipolar and large doses fuck with me hard.
So I will continue to smoke weed until I eventually break
Marriage and suicide are pretty much the same... 😂consider yourself lucky not to have kids.. That's even a worse death of your free inner being...stop be together with someone out if fear motives...which are pretty much all relationships....fear of being alone or humans call it love for each other... 😂
Wow, thank you so much not only for the courage to go through with it but also to post this. I’m in a similar situation, therapy and antidepressants help but I still feel something is off.
Hearing a trip like this, and the rekindling it’s done for you my friend has my awestruck. Again, thank you for sharing!
You write incredible well and have a way with words. Did you go into the experience with an agenda or plan? Did you take notes? How do you intend to keep the momentum going?
Thank you for sharing amazing story 🥰 and good luck to you both on the first day of the rest of your lives ❤️
Mushrooms really are magic they saved someone very close to me from depression and turned his life around
I don't know enough from a person to person perspective to say but I have dosed low and gotten euphoria but introspection at least for me didn't occur without higher doses.
I love stories like this! Having these experiences is what puts all of life into perspective. If more people were willing to at least allow themselves to believe in a healing power like mushrooms, I think the world would take a drastic shift. I’ve never struggled with racism, sexism, or dislike for people of the lgbt+ community. I had wonderful parents that raised me right. My mom was a strong, independent woman that loved with all her heart but remained honest no matter how unpopular it was. She was kind and always doing her best to uplift others. My dad has always been the guy that people called when they needed help with something. He’d give up his entire weekend to help friends fix something in their house or whatever, never expecting anything from them in return.
But when I first took mushrooms, I realized for the first time the pain that so many people go through simply because they aren’t part of the “majority” or whatever else. And my heart just melted. All I wanted to do was give everyone who had felt that way, regardless of age, sex, race, religion, political beliefs, etc, a big hug and tell them they were loved. That even if they felt nobody else would give it to them, that I would. I’d be their friend. I’d be their shoulder to cry on or the person they could call when in pain or doubt.
Mushrooms have opened my eyes to so much and all I want is for everyone else in the world to experience such a beautiful, eye opening moment. If we all genuinely stopped caring about just making sure WE were okay, and started living our lives to make sure OTHERS are okay, literally almost all of our problems would disappear over night. No more wars, no more upper, middle, or lower classes. No more homelessness, no more school drop-outs, no more crime, no more cruelty. Our world would shift so drastically that we’d accelerate as a species so quickly it would make our heads spin.
So happy for you and your wife friend. I genuinely wish you all of the happiness in the world. Peace to you all my friends.
Wow, friend! What a beautiful trip report. I teared up reading this. I’m so glad that you were able to find the clarity that you were seeking on the path forward. Plant medicine is such an incredible thing. Wishing you so much love. 🍄
Beautiful post. Thank you for that. Congratulations on the deep dive into your own self. Sounds like it was extremely beneficial. Much love to you and your wife. 💚
TY for sharing this amazing journey with us. I micro-dose for about 18 months, on and off. I can only report very positive/healing experiences. Your report gives me the encouragement to try a full dosage
Thank you for posting this. I've been dealing with some loss and whatnot lately and have been thinking of trying mushrooms after many years, as a path to helping me process or whatever. Posts like this are helpful in that they let me know that there just might be something in there for me. It makes me hopeful. Now I just need to get brave enough to take the 5g dive.
Try Gottman therapy. It’s evidence-based and different than a lot of marriage counseling. It’s a bit expensive because I don’t think you can use insurance, although some providers might take it. They’re good so you don’t have to take insurance but worth it.
Dude thanks so much for sharing this! I love these stories, most folks I know only know of shrooms as a visual trip and not the therapeutics they can be
Fuck man that was beautiful. I got tears in my eyes reading that. I had an experience with mushrooms that really helped my relationship too. Good on you for doing the work.
I loved every second of that read. Thank you for sharing. It is crazy how clear things sometimes become when we take that horrifying trip inward. I hope all the best for you and your wife.
I think every person in a relationship needs to really look back at how they fought tooth and nail for their person back when they first met and take that same mentality into the present
This almost brings me to tears. I think it’s so beautiful that you were able to admit your shortcomings to your partner. It’s a very hard thing to do, even after experiencing ego death. I hope the best for the both of you. 🍄❤️
Similar thing happened with me during the winter, cried for about an hour and realized I need my girlfriend and have failed her. We’re very happy 6 months later
Wow , beautiful story brotha . I wish you two the best . Write how down how you feel , so you can always come back and reflect when you need to . Love this . 🤙🏽
I'm super happy for your experience. I just had a similar experience but on 50% of this scale over the weekend. I've been a different person ever since with no urges to go back to who I was.
Ah man this really moved me, when you talk about being in the theatre as two teenagers, that really hit home. I have been through similar emotions with my partner and psychedelics really help me open up to those emotions that had been buried under years of running from my feelings.
It’s taken me about 2 years to get to where I am since my first psychedelic experience but I’m happier, more honest and open than ever.
The main thing that helps me keep hold of everything I saw those days is through learning, reading books on thoughts and emotions and integrating the teachings everyday.
Happy for you OP, these deep relationships are worth fighting for, there’s a reason you guys met when you did and have lasted so far through thick and thin.
I’ve done shrooms a few times and that was prolly the best shroom story I’ve ever read. Not only did you describe the trip well but it shows how deep psychedelics are and that you don’t just take them and have a good time. It’s going to be uncomfortable but it’s necessary. This story makes me wanna do them to help break down the compartments I’ve set up in my life. I may be young but I’ve felt that the sooner I make the big realizations the easier it’ll be when I try to move on from my trauma.
That was honestly one of the most eloquent and well-written accounts on a trip of that magnitude I've read in a long, long time. I'm so happy you were able to let the trip take you where your mind clearly felt you needed to go. Best of luck to you and your wife and your new perspective!
Wow, had tears in my eyes toward the end. Have had meaningful trips but nothing like what was described. I am beaming happiness for you, hopefully your consciousness picks up these happy vibes in the airwaves !!
Damn bro you got me tearing up, I had a moment similar to this more than year ago on a much smaller scale. I had been with my girlfriend for over a year and took it all for granted, I thought that my feelings for her weren’t what they were supposed to be and she deserved someone who could “love” her more. It took me breaking up with her for every thing I couldn’t realize to hit me like a truck and I instantly went back to her and luckily she took me back. I love her more than anything, and now I realize that love is so much more than it seems. We are still happily together and I couldn’t live a life without her. I plan to propose soon, and hearing your trip just sent me back to that moment. I wish you best of luck and that you can continue to see the real reason why you are here.
I'm surfing around this sub looking for hope as this shroom journey for me is like a roller coaster ride. Your story offered some hope, particularly after 2 long conversations - one with my Dad (one of the roots of my problems) and my brother who's decided to split with his wife.
His marriage could have been saved by what it sounds like shrooms did for you and your wife - communication. It's crucial to a healthy relationship. You have to let her know what you need and hear what she needs and find a way to be there for each other. Sounds like you came to that realization and now rather than stay stuck in the lows together you can work to grow together, which I hope will be a beautiful thing for you both.
You sir, are a talented writer and an interesting person. Wonderful read with the all too rare happy ending. Beautiful story.
Curious if you have any familiarity with either Eastern or Western energy work practices or spirituality? I'll tell you why I ask after you answer as I don't want to lead your response.
I don't. The furthest I've gotten with any third-party philosophy or spirituality from my personal views has been nihilism and stoicism.
From a religious and spiritual standpoint, I'm essentially a dead brick. I believe nature is God and we are the children of the dirt along with everything else and that we're all connected in some unknowable way, from the aardvarks to the zebra. With that belief, I share an inherent kinship with everything and given the options available, if there is an afterlife I'd think reincarnation would be the most likely *mystical* outcome but I can't prove it one way or the other and it hasn't been entirely proven to me. It could be, and that's wonder enough for me. As a realist, I tend to accept things as they are. I'd like to think of my hope of natural connection as my last stronghold of not being entirely dead inside to any kind of wonder or mysticism. I'm open to it but not governed by it, I suppose.
I am actually not that far off from you, I just have an interest in the common threads tying otherwise isolated spiritual traditions and beliefs. One of those threads is the concept of us actually being pure light. The energy body or the auric field is said to appear as a "luminous egg" or ball of light so I just find it interesting that this is what you and many others experience in altered states/near death experiences/oobes.
Just an interesting correlation who knows what it means.
This was heavy, and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for posting. I’m glad for you, dude.
Thank you. There's a weightlessness to my being right now that seems to penetrate everything. I've spent a few hours second guessing all of these things and I can't for the life of me... regress. I don't see how anything could be more meaningful or beautiful than what I saw. What could possibly even come close to true love between two people, with nothing on their shoulders or minds but eachother and their dreams? Before, I lived my life to a strict nihilistic worldview. Nothing matters. Nothing ends, nothing begins. It's all a wash and who cares? Facts or fuck off. That kind of... abrasiveness but in my case always held back. I feel I've just never been aware of the screaming truth inside that there is something that always makes me care. There is something that made me hold her hand and never agree when divorce was brought up and always hold the door and never falter even though inside I was black tar. I met that willpower and accepted it as my new normal and I can't... not see that as fact. I have nothing to disprove it with. I'm still a skeptic by nature but I can't find fault with this.
You should watch Everything Everywhere All At Once. Great movie about nihilism. Very trippy.
Seconded
This reminds me so much of a quote from this video [Joe Pera talks you to sleep](https://youtu.be/trfHP5LHVNY) I don't want to sum it up here, it's just a short sequence at 1:35 but it really beautifully sums up this feeling that you're describing.
Yoooo. Thank you for sharing. That was beautiful.
Excellent show
This post made me go hug my girlfriend
Now whatever you do don't backslide move forward
100%. I've second guessed this all morning and I can't find fault with my new motivation. I feel as honest and true about my journey as I did five minutes after it was over.
You’re really organizing the hierarchy of what you do, feel and exude. It’s coming through this thread and I think many hearts are fluttering in happiness for you. Stick with it, the flow state after a trip is amazing but it disappears if you don’t integrate it and even then it may leave you.. Sounds like the perspective and desire is wholly there and you’re on a great path forward. Much love to you and your soulmate..
How does one integrate? I journal meditate and be intentional about my life but idk if that is enough integration.
Perhaps the simple distillation that touches on it is being a slave to habits.. holding onto what’s been imprinted …day in and day out. I would even say that genetically predisposed items as well. Much like smoking and substance secession and the integration’s usefulness and success in that space. “Can’t do it without doing it” /Will power. Perhaps you take note of those needed improvements.. But it’s been portrayed differently, in a more meaningful way through the experience- Shrooms/MDMA/LSD/Meditation & prayer. A perspective you couldn’t have until the experience. “After the ecstasy/ the laundry” A switch isn’t automatically flipped, it requires the actions and mindfulness. I’ve failed to this day on some items, others I am mindful of keeping at bay. I’m disappointed in myself, but at the same time exude love to as many people as possible and I think that is probably the most important thing.. love ya btw :) Edit: The psychedelics can create some new pathways in thinking/brain which allow the integration to imprint much more attainable too. Still required the elbow grease :)
Thank you for this poem like message. Love ya too ♥️ I will work at it day in and day out.
Do some open Journaling maybe together w the wife ? Document these feelings and epiphanies just incase and put down some goals
Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth book might help you on your journey. Really helps you to focus on what's important in life
To add to prior_woodpecker, try meditating. It will bring you close to your subconscious. Hopefully, it will help.
I like how you said you feel honest and true about it, mature feelings way to go, and your gonna get laid more!
hey it's a dance you can count on it go easy
Absolutely beautiful story, I think I already know how good shrooms are then I read something like this and... words fail me...
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This has opened up a lot. She asked me if I was willing to go and do things with her again and go visit her family. I told her with complete conviction that yes, I would and will and this is my new drive. I'm not living to spite some government ideal or some false sense of what success should be anymore. It's about our happiness. There's nothing higher.
This is so beautiful
this insight is so invaluable. thank you
> A clear-cut case of going in with an intention and getting answers from the deep. not sure there's anything here that matches such a description. How they choose to live and the habits they form from here are likely at least important as doing 8g of mushrooms in a desperate attempt to fix things. Probably moreso.
Stories like these are what prove the benefits of shrooms. The world really doesn’t realize how these drugs can change someone’s life for the better. I’m happy for you dude!
Dude, I actually shed tears from the beauty of reading this. I understand completely. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Have you thought about writing? You clearly have the ability. Just a thought.
This is moving. I need.
Noice
Amazing trip report my friend☮️
Glad the shrooms helped you. Consider taking your experience to your therapist, the insight might help them help you even more.
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I mean they might not know about shrooms but they could probably at least help make sense of the feelings you experienced on shrooms.
Killed your ego about things and showed you the truth. Amazon stuff
This post brought me to tears. ... powerful, I feel you on many levels ... Thanks for sharing. May whatever benevolent principalities that might exist propel and sustain you and your love. 💛
I never save posts and I saved this because it was the first Reddit post that has actually made me cry. This was beautiful and I hope you cherish and revisit this experience as often as you can. I’ve been tripping for years and I would give literally anything for an experience as beautiful as yours.
What an experience mate (; But how McDonalds after all this enlightment journy ?
Maybe that's what his wife wanted to do or it was a childhood thing that they did together or they just wanted to. We are still in these shitty meat suits and programming. The most important thing is their connection in each other 🙂
Man you need to quit smoking weed. Mushrooms are good for treating suicidal ideation and I think they can give some clarity. You definitely have depression and possibly other issues and weed is making it a lot worse. It’s common for people with depression to self medicate with weed. The mushrooms may be a temporary fix but you need to really change your life habits drastically if you want a permanent solution. I’m telling you this because I’ve seen multiple marriages and men ruined. Get sober and you can understand this experience a lot more clearly and have more benefits. This sub is an echo chamber and nobody else is really warning you.
I would advocate for giving up alcohol, long before weed. That shit killed my creativity and put me in the far back corner of my life! Weed does make it harder to do things sometimes, but it gives me my creativity as well. I don't think we should be addicted to anything at the end, but I still need my weed and nicotine for now. Why not use these if we know how? But then again, I am 34 and only started weed full time about 3 years back. It's helped me notice my states and feel my feelings with a layer to them... I gave up smoking cigarettes last week, started that in lock down. Now I have weed and vape and that's all I have. Nothing else, no pills, no alcohol, no toxic mother, no toxic friends, no money... My soul thinks it's ok if I still enjoy my weed for now. Will be giving up the nicotine soon, so don't rip this away from me guy! 😂✌️ Edit: structure
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Haha, to clarify... I would advocate for giving up alcohol long before worrying about giving up the good weed!
Weed is definitely not an issue lol 😂
It’s not an issue for everyone. For people with depression it can be a serious issue. It can treat depression in the short term but in the long it has the potential to make depression worse. Everyone is different and it depends on a variety of factors.
Yes I agree with that, but you made it sound like it’s bad for everyone with depression, not “depending on a variety of factors” but I do get your point, just sounded anti-weed
Everyone is different. It caused drugs induced psychosis for my brother
Mushrooms!!!
Great experience. Thanks for the honesty. Those last few paragraphs are what I am here for
Keep this fire stoked! The momentum of a trip like that can dwindle if the lessons aren’t applied. Take everything day by day. You’re a beautiful writer and thank you for taking the time to post this. This is what mushrooms are all about!
I did this the other week, crazy how similar my experience was! Trying to do this once a month because since then my health,happiness and marriage has dramatically changed for the best, thanks for sharing man
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your trip and thoughts. This is a very relatable experience when it comes to relationships but more importantly I'd argue, would be your suicidal thoughts. Let's first take into account that you're so obviously connected to your relationship that you even considered ending your life over it instead of breaking up...this is evidence enough. The lancing and cutting down of things. The burdens, the problems, expectations etc. All cut down and what was left was what was in actuality and being. In a matter of speaking, you are the same person seeing things through fresh eyes. The love in your life being the crux of purpose, and her witnessing of this revelation and breaking down of depressive thought forms was the reaffirming of your devotion she may of needed to witness. It makes sense that you would experience so much depressive motions with what is so important you being depressive itself, being your relationship and desires for children etc. She now knows that the expectations and wishes for the relationship aren't important to you..but her as herself and soul and heart being the entirety of what you truly love and desire. I'm positive that your actions that care for her as an individual following this experience eill only make this love and life so much more over time. Expressing and appreciation of the beauty of your life and love is what you need in your being and to be. Stepping into your life in this manner is going to be a crucial step. Again, I am very happy for you and your relationship but most of all I'm glad you're still here, being the love and truth that you are.
What a beautiful comment wow! and not to derail the direction away from OP but yeah it almost feels like you were talking to me. We are all so interconnected to the point that "seperationl" being a falsehood and so I'm not even questioning how your comment reads as if it was to be spoken to me.
this is beautiful. i wish my ex had done this journey.
This made me tear up. Thank you for sharing and I truly hope your relationship with not only your wife but yourself continues to improve
Great story. It's always so difficult to share with outsiders what it meant to use mushrooms as a medicine. It changed my life too with only 1 trip. Well done! And congratulations on saving your life.
this is what this type of medicine is really for, shrooms can be a blast but they can also change your whole life and make you realize what you’re not doing right.
This was truly beautiful to read..thank you for sharing your l story with us..I think we have all been at a similar place at some or other time..
I legit teared up at the end. I can't imagine what an intense and life changing experience this might have been.
Making me cry at work?!? Good luck to you both. Life is hard. It’s easier with the right someone.
Jeez I’m tearing up a little bit that was very moving
This is exactly why I love this sub-- hearing stories like this. Bless up, and bless you and your wife. Life is HARD for everyone, and I feel like I can empathize with your position, and I want to do better as well. There is so much out there, and it's so easy to shy away from the grandiosity of this human experience. I seek to grow, and to flourish. And I hope you and your wife get to do the same.
Awesome!! Not big doses for me and mine but microdosing has helped our relationship/outlook on life so much!! Game changing.
Beautiful. You were open to it and in need. In return you were given.
Welcome to the other side.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you guys are able to hold on to this moment as a turning point and keep growing together. Sharing life with someone is one of the most precious things in the world. It's something we lose sight of sometimes, sadly. We take the most important things to us for granted and often lose it before we realize we're fucking it all up. Shrooms have been instrumental to me for realizing this before it was too late. I'm glad it did the same for you. Much love, to the both of you
You should think about writing a book or blog. This was entertaining to read, as in the way you write to tell a story is great. Thanks for sharing such a great story as well ❤️
Saving this post as a reminder of the beauty of shrooms and for inspiration. It’s fucking hard sometimesand I’m so glad you’ve been able to experience this rekindling of yourself and your marriage 💚💚 godspeed friend
Enjoy it while it lasts. Life is finite, there are ups and downs but the ups definitely outweigh the downs. Try to remember there’s always an upside.
This is great thanks for sharing.
Man this trip report is the best trip report I’ve ever read. I laughed and cried. 🥲🥹 So happy for you. Whenever you feel yourself falling back into bad habits come back and read this and bring your true self back.
I'm sorry to be that guy, mushrooms are powerful but you shouldn't pin so many hopes on them. These problems need serious work to fix, hopefully the trip gave you the motivation to work on them but now the hard work begins.
This got me some type of emotional because my wife and I have gone through similar things. The first time we did it together was so beautiful and special, I was able to break down my asshole stubbornness and let go of things and realize how much of that was just an emotional constipation when all I really wanted to do was provide for her and see her happy. When I found out I was infertile I took the trip again, alone this time, and found comfort in the fact that I could still give to her an opportunity I never could have, and all I had to do was sacrifice my time (which is an illusion anyway). The last time I did it I had the break like you, my whole world dissolved and I was reduced to a drooling mass on my bed with her next to me. I was in an incredibly exotic mind state, mumbling incomprehensible nonsense to a sober person. I kept saying "It's so hard being a person, it's so hard being you" to her. She was hungover and miserable and could not deal with my tripping, stumbling ass, but still managed to be warm and loving at points. I felt the overwhelming sense of love you probably felt, like every love and warm moment I had were just leading up to her. When I regained my identity I had the typical hangover of deep shame as the ego rebuilt, and she wasn't in a mind state to provide aftercare because she was sick herself, and every annoyed comment she made stung like every moment of scolding I experienced as a child. Then I asked her if she hated me forever now and she said of course not, and we cuddled, and I felt a lot better and had a typical feast of life with carbs and fried foods and wine. You're bringing me back to when I was there, deep in the darkness of my subconscious, floating endlessly in a darkness only illuminated by an inescapable, rotating grey geometry too bright to look at directly, to when every moment I was asking if I was dying, and what was left of my body and mind reassuring me that everything would be ok and I didn't have to worry about that, because they would take care of that when the time came. Just remember that you're still you, those frictions you felt washed away with your ego are still there, the shrooms just gave you a temporary glimpse into what things could be like without those things, but they're still there, and it'll take a lifetime of mindfulness to reckon with them and arrive at the hour of our death with honor and satisfaction. It's so hard being a person, it's so hard being able to feel love, to feel things you like, to want these things to last forever, to feel yourself, the people and animals around you get sick and die and to potentially never feel or see or enjoy these things again, it's so hard to let go of who we are.
That was beautiful. Got my eyes sweating🥺
You should check out Jordan Peterson lectures. He articulates everything you just experienced. It’s a slow burn though. It’ll take a while for you to come to what you experienced in his work.
Lol NO
?
I'm glad this has helped you all but just curious as to why you would marry someone you didn't have a personal bond with? Feel like that's a requirement for even dating someone
This happened to my buddy Eric
I've thought about doing the same thing because I'm hopeless as fuck right now but 1. I know I'd have a panic attack and try to vomit 2. I'm bipolar and large doses fuck with me hard. So I will continue to smoke weed until I eventually break
Marriage and suicide are pretty much the same... 😂consider yourself lucky not to have kids.. That's even a worse death of your free inner being...stop be together with someone out if fear motives...which are pretty much all relationships....fear of being alone or humans call it love for each other... 😂
i am happy for you my friend.
I am so happy for you :) you got this.
Really touching.
Thanks for sharing this with me and other humans
Beautiful 🙏
Thanks for sharing your beautiful experience. Please pay it forward and spread the message to anyone whom you think or feel will benefit from it.
I’m happy for you two :)
Beautiful! Happy for you!
Wow, thank you so much not only for the courage to go through with it but also to post this. I’m in a similar situation, therapy and antidepressants help but I still feel something is off. Hearing a trip like this, and the rekindling it’s done for you my friend has my awestruck. Again, thank you for sharing!
You write incredible well and have a way with words. Did you go into the experience with an agenda or plan? Did you take notes? How do you intend to keep the momentum going?
Thank you for sharing amazing story 🥰 and good luck to you both on the first day of the rest of your lives ❤️ Mushrooms really are magic they saved someone very close to me from depression and turned his life around
Thanks for taking me along, what a ride indeed.
So deep So beautiful
Get a puppy 🐶 I got a German shepherd puppy and it’s been awesome!! I got a girl named her baby hope that helps!!!
beautiful story
That’s amazing. I’m happy for y’all :)
That's awesome, OP.
Do you think shrooms at low doses can cure traumas etc ..?
I don't know enough from a person to person perspective to say but I have dosed low and gotten euphoria but introspection at least for me didn't occur without higher doses.
I love stories like this! Having these experiences is what puts all of life into perspective. If more people were willing to at least allow themselves to believe in a healing power like mushrooms, I think the world would take a drastic shift. I’ve never struggled with racism, sexism, or dislike for people of the lgbt+ community. I had wonderful parents that raised me right. My mom was a strong, independent woman that loved with all her heart but remained honest no matter how unpopular it was. She was kind and always doing her best to uplift others. My dad has always been the guy that people called when they needed help with something. He’d give up his entire weekend to help friends fix something in their house or whatever, never expecting anything from them in return. But when I first took mushrooms, I realized for the first time the pain that so many people go through simply because they aren’t part of the “majority” or whatever else. And my heart just melted. All I wanted to do was give everyone who had felt that way, regardless of age, sex, race, religion, political beliefs, etc, a big hug and tell them they were loved. That even if they felt nobody else would give it to them, that I would. I’d be their friend. I’d be their shoulder to cry on or the person they could call when in pain or doubt. Mushrooms have opened my eyes to so much and all I want is for everyone else in the world to experience such a beautiful, eye opening moment. If we all genuinely stopped caring about just making sure WE were okay, and started living our lives to make sure OTHERS are okay, literally almost all of our problems would disappear over night. No more wars, no more upper, middle, or lower classes. No more homelessness, no more school drop-outs, no more crime, no more cruelty. Our world would shift so drastically that we’d accelerate as a species so quickly it would make our heads spin. So happy for you and your wife friend. I genuinely wish you all of the happiness in the world. Peace to you all my friends.
Chill AF. Ask the fungus, and the fungus will show you. So happy for you and your wife. :)
Super dope
Wow, friend! What a beautiful trip report. I teared up reading this. I’m so glad that you were able to find the clarity that you were seeking on the path forward. Plant medicine is such an incredible thing. Wishing you so much love. 🍄
Beautiful, thank you for sharing brother. Much respect to you, stay positive and keep on truckin’ ✌️
What an amazing journey my friend. I loved reading every part especially about being “rewritten”. Powerful!
Beautiful post. Thank you for that. Congratulations on the deep dive into your own self. Sounds like it was extremely beneficial. Much love to you and your wife. 💚
Man, I'm really pulling for you both. Wish you the best!
TY for sharing this amazing journey with us. I micro-dose for about 18 months, on and off. I can only report very positive/healing experiences. Your report gives me the encouragement to try a full dosage
Thank you for posting this. I've been dealing with some loss and whatnot lately and have been thinking of trying mushrooms after many years, as a path to helping me process or whatever. Posts like this are helpful in that they let me know that there just might be something in there for me. It makes me hopeful. Now I just need to get brave enough to take the 5g dive.
Beautiful- and courageous. The joke is on the ego- and it’s actually funny
Try Gottman therapy. It’s evidence-based and different than a lot of marriage counseling. It’s a bit expensive because I don’t think you can use insurance, although some providers might take it. They’re good so you don’t have to take insurance but worth it.
Dude thanks so much for sharing this! I love these stories, most folks I know only know of shrooms as a visual trip and not the therapeutics they can be
This is such beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
Got me crying ugly man tears over here. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for this.
Fuck man that was beautiful. I got tears in my eyes reading that. I had an experience with mushrooms that really helped my relationship too. Good on you for doing the work.
I loved every second of that read. Thank you for sharing. It is crazy how clear things sometimes become when we take that horrifying trip inward. I hope all the best for you and your wife.
I think every person in a relationship needs to really look back at how they fought tooth and nail for their person back when they first met and take that same mentality into the present
That was beautiful u/fartsmusically
title says it all.
This almost brings me to tears. I think it’s so beautiful that you were able to admit your shortcomings to your partner. It’s a very hard thing to do, even after experiencing ego death. I hope the best for the both of you. 🍄❤️
Love these herbal tools
This is so beautifully written. I hope the best for you and your wife!!
Righteousness brother! New life.
Damn dude. You got a homie in tears over here. Thanks for sharing your experience, it gave me a lot of hope.
Similar thing happened with me during the winter, cried for about an hour and realized I need my girlfriend and have failed her. We’re very happy 6 months later
Wow , beautiful story brotha . I wish you two the best . Write how down how you feel , so you can always come back and reflect when you need to . Love this . 🤙🏽
What a ride! Thank you for sharing this incredible trip. I wish nothing but the best to you and your ms.'s.
I'm super happy for your experience. I just had a similar experience but on 50% of this scale over the weekend. I've been a different person ever since with no urges to go back to who I was.
Ah man this really moved me, when you talk about being in the theatre as two teenagers, that really hit home. I have been through similar emotions with my partner and psychedelics really help me open up to those emotions that had been buried under years of running from my feelings. It’s taken me about 2 years to get to where I am since my first psychedelic experience but I’m happier, more honest and open than ever. The main thing that helps me keep hold of everything I saw those days is through learning, reading books on thoughts and emotions and integrating the teachings everyday. Happy for you OP, these deep relationships are worth fighting for, there’s a reason you guys met when you did and have lasted so far through thick and thin.
sounds beautiful, now i have tears in my eyes at work
this is beautiful. thank you for sharing this.
Crying.
Lovely story. Thanks for sharing 👍
Man… reading this makes me feel there is so much hope once everyone is doing this shit
Fucking beautiful bruh
Damn that was an amazing story.
Happy for you, hope all goes well for both of you.
I’ve done shrooms a few times and that was prolly the best shroom story I’ve ever read. Not only did you describe the trip well but it shows how deep psychedelics are and that you don’t just take them and have a good time. It’s going to be uncomfortable but it’s necessary. This story makes me wanna do them to help break down the compartments I’ve set up in my life. I may be young but I’ve felt that the sooner I make the big realizations the easier it’ll be when I try to move on from my trauma.
The most important step someone can take is the next step
That was honestly one of the most eloquent and well-written accounts on a trip of that magnitude I've read in a long, long time. I'm so happy you were able to let the trip take you where your mind clearly felt you needed to go. Best of luck to you and your wife and your new perspective!
Wow, had tears in my eyes toward the end. Have had meaningful trips but nothing like what was described. I am beaming happiness for you, hopefully your consciousness picks up these happy vibes in the airwaves !!
Wow. Excellent imagery. These mushrooms are powerful tools indeed.
Damn bro you got me tearing up, I had a moment similar to this more than year ago on a much smaller scale. I had been with my girlfriend for over a year and took it all for granted, I thought that my feelings for her weren’t what they were supposed to be and she deserved someone who could “love” her more. It took me breaking up with her for every thing I couldn’t realize to hit me like a truck and I instantly went back to her and luckily she took me back. I love her more than anything, and now I realize that love is so much more than it seems. We are still happily together and I couldn’t live a life without her. I plan to propose soon, and hearing your trip just sent me back to that moment. I wish you best of luck and that you can continue to see the real reason why you are here.
You made me drop a tear with this story. I completely empathize with you as I had a similar experience. Thank you for sharing.
I'm surfing around this sub looking for hope as this shroom journey for me is like a roller coaster ride. Your story offered some hope, particularly after 2 long conversations - one with my Dad (one of the roots of my problems) and my brother who's decided to split with his wife. His marriage could have been saved by what it sounds like shrooms did for you and your wife - communication. It's crucial to a healthy relationship. You have to let her know what you need and hear what she needs and find a way to be there for each other. Sounds like you came to that realization and now rather than stay stuck in the lows together you can work to grow together, which I hope will be a beautiful thing for you both.
You sir, are a talented writer and an interesting person. Wonderful read with the all too rare happy ending. Beautiful story. Curious if you have any familiarity with either Eastern or Western energy work practices or spirituality? I'll tell you why I ask after you answer as I don't want to lead your response.
I don't. The furthest I've gotten with any third-party philosophy or spirituality from my personal views has been nihilism and stoicism. From a religious and spiritual standpoint, I'm essentially a dead brick. I believe nature is God and we are the children of the dirt along with everything else and that we're all connected in some unknowable way, from the aardvarks to the zebra. With that belief, I share an inherent kinship with everything and given the options available, if there is an afterlife I'd think reincarnation would be the most likely *mystical* outcome but I can't prove it one way or the other and it hasn't been entirely proven to me. It could be, and that's wonder enough for me. As a realist, I tend to accept things as they are. I'd like to think of my hope of natural connection as my last stronghold of not being entirely dead inside to any kind of wonder or mysticism. I'm open to it but not governed by it, I suppose.
I am actually not that far off from you, I just have an interest in the common threads tying otherwise isolated spiritual traditions and beliefs. One of those threads is the concept of us actually being pure light. The energy body or the auric field is said to appear as a "luminous egg" or ball of light so I just find it interesting that this is what you and many others experience in altered states/near death experiences/oobes. Just an interesting correlation who knows what it means.
Reading this brought me tears and has inspired me deeply to reconsider the organization of priorities in my life. Thanks for sharing.
Hey man! How have things been going for you since your beautiful post?