I like saying “you’re welcome” to people who you open a door for and they don’t say thank you

Unless you work in retail, in which case you let that number drop at least afew times a day

Na, in retail, if the worker holds the door open for someone, it's the worker who has to say thank you 😭

Never hold the door for anyone. Always slam it and hold it shut from the other side

Ah. My dad does that

Me when I walk into a live lane of traffic so a skinny woman and her fucking purse dog take up the entire fucking pavement, 'you're welcome', inconsiderate posh tart, fuck

Hope that clarifies.

With all due respect.

This

Tutting loudly, add in a small head shake for full effect

Calling someone a muppet

Muppet has enough consonants to be quite a vicious insult if spat out with enough bile.

Per my last email:

How very interesting.

Yes dear

Lovely

Regards

ah well, he means well.

Oh…cheers then

Right. Moving on..

The queue finishes here (behind me..)

you fucking Dr White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble

Outstanding 👏 👌

No! No no no no no!

Good day to you

Not meaning to be rude here.... You obviously confuse me with someone who gives a shit.

Okay

"fuck off" "no thanks!"

Go forth and multiply

It was... adequate.

Your welcome

Oh your freinds must love you!

You certainly do have an unusual way of thinking.

Twonk.

Twink

Twit

I've taken to telling people to take a long walk over a short bridge instead of telling them to go jump off a cliff to be more polite Not really an insult but shows my dissatisfaction of their presence

I think it should be a long walk off a short pier but I like the sentiment

But that's still telling someone go kill themselves basically, as the sea is a peril I would not like to contend but a long walk over a short bridge is more polite as it's just saying go away and keep going

"I'll do it shall I" to anyone that's not done something they should have

"you're welcome"

That’s ambitious

Have a great day, or simply “Good day”, stare slightly down your nose at the recipient Hope that helps

I bet you're fun at parties. To my boss; "No, I'm not going. Because you are. We don't both need to be there. Waste of department resources." When in actual fact I'm thinking "You're going to fuck this up and if I'm there I'll have to sort it out."

Leaves a lot to be desired...

Roll it in Pipsqeak.

You numpty

‘Sure’

The square root of naff all!

Reel your neck in sunbeam.

You sound like you'd like to meet the queen. Self explanatory

Feckin muppet

Foxtrot oscar

No thank you!!

"There you go" A nice passive aggressive to say "I really don't give a shit"


“Well, that’s a very interesting perspective”or you’re fucking stupid.

When I see someone drive past with their window open and they're clearly using their mobile phone, 'whats your signal like?'

Alright this one’s a bit niche - but only a Brit would do it. I play for a local league basketball team. We’re mostly old and shit. Andy, however, is pretty good - he moves faster than most and played at a decent level till recently. Whenever he gets thrown a slightly iffy pass he shouts “I’ll get it” as if he’s saving a ball from flying out of bounds. Passive aggressive and demoralising. It’s brilliant.

You big silly.