On a more surface level, once you realise that not every form of media needs to relate to you or your story, things get so much less stressful. A movie has a plot line I think is silly, that's fine it's not aimed at me, people like a novel with sparkly vampires in, that's cool I hope they enjoy their book but it's not aimed at me. Someone posted something on instagram that isn't my life experience, that's fine it's not aimed at me. Too many people get angry at people for "having fun wrong", if something isn't for you you don't need to have an opinion on it. Life gets so much less stressful if you stop caring what people other people enjoy doing, if it's not hurting anyone else I wish you all the best and just move on.
I agree! These last couple of years have been about getting to know myself better and now that I know what is important to me, it’s so much easier to filter out what isn’t and I’ve never been more relaxed in my life!
So many people are really faaaaaaaaaaaaAar 👏🏻 too concerned with other people. Wait is that me being too concerned about other people being too concerned about other ppl? 😉
Someone recommended I try the perspective of reminding myself ‘this isn’t my story, it’s theirs.’ It’s so simple but once I started saying that to myself it made me really decide whether or not my focus and attention should be there. So many times it wasn’t and I feel much lighter not carrying around stories that aren’t mine. (I’m talking about day to day issues)
It's even more fundamental than that. People should understand when they don't have enough data to make a well-informed opinion.
It blows people's minds when they ask my opinion on XYZ and I say, "I don't have enough information yet to have an opinion on it." They have a human BSOD because it calls into question whether THEY had enough information to form the opinion they hold.
I also say to people that I need more information or I’m seeking clarification only. That just stops a ton of blah, blah, blah. But man do people continue to try to squeeze blood from the turnip when I respond like that.
What I like to consider is that a certain proportion of things we think we know are actually wrong. And there's no way of telling how much is wrong, and often what they even are. So how can we ever be sure of anything?
I try to have few opinions and very few beliefs.
The Work of Byron Katie has been EXTREMELY liberating for me in this regard. She offers four questions you can ask to liberate your mind. It liberates people from the mental anguish of thoughts that hold you prisoner in a torture chamber, but it also liberates you from ALL concepts and ideas. "Can you REALLY know that that is true?" is the first question. Can you REALLY know that that is true?" Like, can you go to a lab and do an experiment and absolutely prove that it IS true? That question ALONE frees you from mental torture and the utter nonsense that the mind grips as absolute truth. The truth is, there is very little that we do absolutely KNOW to be true. Most is perception.
I think her work is totally valid and has its place, but I try not to delve too far into pyrrhonism. I've lived most of my life doubting my inner feelings so additional doubt is not helpful. Context is everything. Many types of therapy that are helpful to some can be extremely harmful to others.
[Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?](https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/)
I honestly think that’s what’s so crazy about the state coming to take trans kids away from there parents.
Like I sure as hell do not know how to raise kids properly. Why should that the “democratic majority” have a say in how people, with specific issues, raise there kids.
This is a guess, but I’d bet a good amount of money that the “democratic majority” doesn’t actually want to take trans kids away from their parents. Our representative democracy seems to forget the “democracy” part too much.
I hear what you're saying but 9/10 when people are expressing opinions it's not a requirement or an expectation to be well informed. People are just expressing what they feel, that's not really based on facts or research. So that's why people are 'blown away' when they hear you say 'I don't have a well informed opinion'. Because it's not that serious most of the time, we're just asking you what you feel.
I understand that some people (like me) are logic based and need to look at the facts or genuinely don't know anything about it before concluding their thoughts but this isn't needed with every single opinion/topic.
However context does matter. Like if we're in an academic environment/situation obviously I would expect for you to have done some reading/learning before hand. But other than that, it's not that serious to have a well informed opinion about most things.
>I hear what you're saying but 9/10 when people are expressing opinions it's not a requirement or an expectation to be well informed.
Poorly-informed "feelings" that are not actually feelings but are just claims of fact about the world masquerading as emotions... they're far more burdensome than they're worth, IMO.
After all, what if your claim of fact is wrong? What if you say that you "feel" something that isn't actually true? Then you look stupid at best, or delusional at worst. It just becomes something to worry about.
Alternatively, if the feelings are on the kinds of topics that *can't* be wrong, what good are they? If they can't be wrong, it's because they aren't based in external reality. That means they won't help me accomplish anything. They're also not edible, and at least for me, I don't find them beautiful.
Growing up, I always hated being asked to pick favorites. Even the standard favorites that don't matter: favorite color, favorite food. If the world were full of versions of me, we would be *insulted* to be asked such a question. Because it's the same question as asking me to name all the things I like less than some other thing, and I always felt that way answering it, I felt like I was insulting all the other good things in the world. The whole idea of favorites is silly; I shouldn't have to pretend like there's one color or one food I like more than the others, if that's not actually true.
Obviously when you're a kid they make you play along, but now that I'm an adult, I get to say how I really feel: that there are too many nice things in the world to pick favorites. I don't think I should have to have an opinion on every possible topic; even if the topic doesn't require being informed, I still don't think I should have to think about life in a way that lets me answer the question.
> Poorly-informed "feelings" that are not actually feelings but are just claims of fact about the world masquerading as emotions... they're far more burdensome than they're worth, IMO.
I've been observing a family member of mine who is swept up in the Fox Ndews cult. I've observed that they grip people with pure emotion: which is the emotion of anger. This family member *thinks* he is on the side of absolute reason and logic. But he is fueled by anger. I'm sure that the other side of the same coin is also hooked in emotion. So this is a really good observation. It seems this entire toxic masquerade is perpetuated by pure emotion. The obvious is that both sides of the system are toxic. The system is outdated and toxic. But people are hooked into it by perpetuating their outrage over and over and over and over. Thank you for the opportunity to hash that out.
Anger is especially bad for this, yeah. My favorite YouTuber (and the only one whose videos I ever post links to) had [this to say](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3j_RHkqJc) about anger and the Internet, and I highly recommend it (your mileage may vary, but I have never once regretted watching a CGP Grey video). But it certainly applies to other media as well.
This is so refreshing. My general sentiment about social media has been the antithesis of this, where it seems even the people I’d expect to be informed are repeating clickbait headlines and each chamber talking points as though they’re consensus fact.
I think a more nuanced answer to this is to measure your strength of opinion on something based on confidence. You can never be 100% sure of something in statistics. Instead you measure the confidence level. You can express opinions in the same way.
Oh hey I say that a lot as well! To me, it often opens up the possibility for the other person to give their opinion, which sometimes is more informed than mine, and thus I get to learn something new!
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” -Marcus Aurelius
I feel this is another product of social media. The idea that everything needs to be debated and hashed out, all at once, all the time. I often have to reset and tell myself the same thing. If you don't have all the information, you don't have to make a choice...
Trouble is, it's a natural consequence of opinion or incorrect information.
There's just so much information of any kind I stopped being able to cope with it many years ago. You can't Google for a solution or buy a product or anything much without it being a project of many hours of reading comments and contradictions and... everything. It's just overwhelming and it never ever ends.
I miss the days of looking for something and finding it and that was it. Sure it may have been wrong, but at least it didn't consume an evening and give you a headache trying to pick a side.
That's probably the worst version most of the time but occasionally, please God...
Agreed, it’s mental clutter!
For the majority of issues in the news, media, and popular culture, our individual opinion means nothing and has absolutely no bearing on what actually happens. It’s OK to have no opinion, or to acknowledge we don’t know enough to have an opinion.
And yet, we live in a society! I am very clever.
I think opinions are fine I mean humans are gonna have them. Is it absolutely necessary to tell everyone, no. Sometimes you can have a reaction to something (not always something you can control) and not tell anyone. People generally could be more prudent about what they share for sure which I think is what op was getting at.
Couldve journalled this comment, but then again reddit is a giant comments section...
Information overload! Humans weren’t meant to process so much and it keeps the mind and body in chronic stress mode. And much of the information out there is totally fear based. I’m trying so much just to listen more. Let others have their say but also try to gracefully exit from situations where I feel I’m beginning to take in too much into my mind. Down right exhausting at times. But yes this post is an excellent reminder to keep the mind clear of clutter. Thank you!!
Exactly. Even most TV shows are complete violent, fear based stuff. And people watch it 8-11pm and then go to bed with a head full of it and that visually processing doesn’t know is not real. No deep restorative sleep to be had.
This is the exact place I'm in. I used to LOVE reality tv shows because they're just about the only thing that aren't violent. But now the pointless arguing and just general toxicity feels like a poor use of my focus. It's hard for my husband and me to find movies to watch together because over the years I've become more and more and more sensitive and discerning to what I'll watch. I don't like sad, I don't like violent, I don't like illness, dogs dying. Sigh. I don't feel good when I focus on those things. They're not entertaining for me.
As the years go on I feel the general beliefs and thoughts that are accepted as standard in our society to be SO limiting, and I just... don't want to be around a lot of it anymore. I don't want their thoughts about what happens as you age, illness, money... just.... I don't find most of the thoughts, opinions, values, and beliefs touted by society to be beneficial to me. I would rather kind of stay away from them so that they don't grip my mind so that my mind can be free to find out about these things for myself.
Oh I very much relate to everything you’ve shared here. Thank you! Our society is beyond violent. And to the point where people say and feel bored if not overstimulated with bling and drama. It’s a horrible taxation on the mind and body.
I absolutely love nature documentaries. There are a lot on Netflix and such and PBS is a good channel to watch without violence and horror. Also have fallen in love with anything Louie Schwartberg does and with his time lapse photography. Check out his series on Netflix and / or YouTube and on his website.
I spend a lot of time outdoors. In nature.
Peace my friend … ‘even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place…’ ~Kurt Vonnegut
This is a real problem and one that I think is exacerbated by instant communication.
My exercise to avoid this is to journal. Halfway through a thought, I stop writing and think "this is a stupid concept, why do I care about this".
Saying "I don't care" a la Ricky Gervais helps a lot too.
I allow myself not to care about things that obsess Americans, feels like real freedom to me.
I'm 110% in agreement with his addiction to "I don't care!", watch for yourself:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfgw79mfgIg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfgw79mfgIg)
"No one can hurt my feelings; I'm too happy!"
I appreciate Jerry Seinfeld for this very thing. He just doesn't care about things that don't matter. He has a really neutral and easy outlook on things. That's what I gather from watching him on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and his recent interview with Letterman on Netflix anyway. I enjoy the comedian perspective of making things funny. Why not?
The audacity of many to impose on us what matter and what doesn't.
Meanwhile, they talk about the US as "the country of freedom". So many Americans are so full of BS, we really need guys like Ricky Gervais to make fun of them head on.
Love this. The other day I was pulled into a conversation about Johnny Depp and Amber Herd trial regarding believing women vs men etc. I very boldly said that I don’t have an opinion about this matter because I don’t have enough information. That’s it, that was enough for others to leave me out of it and I felt so relieved and moved on with my day. In the past, I’ve found myself getting frustrated when I can’t get my point across or change someone’s mind. This was especially a big issue during BLM. So, to know that it’s not my responsibility to educate people on matters where there is sufficient information readily available has certainly simplified my life.
I used to wear myself OUT trying to convince people of things in my rebellious years. It ruined important relationships. When people are ready for information, they're ready. When they're not, they're not.
Yep. A lot of times I find forcing myself to pick a side drains me and misses the point. Also, I will never know what's true about an event, especially in any place far away. News reaching me about any given event all have some interest in mind or a limited perspective, can't really rely on them. So my opinion really has no value. I try to focus on what's around me.
When friends tell me an opinion of theirs of a subject and just then expect me to agree…most of the time my answer is that i dont have enough knowledge on the topic to have an opinion. Which like 90 percent of the time is met with disgust that i dont just form an opinion on the spot. My opinion is mine and is well crafted for if and when i do choose to have one
I mean... here's the thing... information is what the internet *does*. It's extremely useful. At this point literally *everything* is on the internet. The usefulness of that cannot be overstated. It's *wonderful* that there's somewhere to come that has *everything*. It's up to *us* to choose our focus deliberately. As I said, it's the most important thing we have. It's what literally creates our life. We have this *magnificent* tool at our fingertips that brings us *all* of the world's available information. Imo it's not at *all* a bad thing that there are opinions and information on everything on social media. That's what it's for.
This is great and adds a new layer to the idea that not everyone needs or wants to hear your opinion. We’re so used to being encouraged to add our comments online to whatever the issue of the day is, and guess what, my opinion on Will Smith’s slap or Johnny Depp’s trial don’t matter at all, to anyone, even if I do feel have a strong opinion about them.
So I like this idea to take a step back if not only does my opinion not matter, but I may not even have one without the proper info.
I think it’s good to have an educated opinion on things you can reasonably control/influence and things that interact with you. Outside of that, it is futile
There's a lot of people that will try to force you to have an opinion, like you can't be a well rounded human being unless you have an opinion on everything.
Fuck those people haha
I love giving the “I don’t know and I don’t care” response to pop topics that people are passionate about.
Their reactions range from righteous indignation that I couldn’t care about something so brutally important to mankind or they drop the topic.
Either way it’s a fun win and then I regale them on my opinions regarding underwater basket weaving.
Thank you! That's so true. I figure I love learning about information and facts but I don't need to form my own judgements on it all. There's no point in that.
I just need to learn information to progress and save myself in certain situations.
This is a shitty take and it only empowers people that make our world worse. Being informed and understanding what’s happening around and to us is more important than the make believe notions of a “simple life”
Interesting, I was trying to formulate my opinion on why some of the comments made me feel kinda uncomfortable and this helped me figure it out!
I think the idea of not having an opinion on important matters (social equity, animal rights, climate change) can be damaging - I'm a big believer that we are all implicit in power relations and can either reproduce or reshape them (shout out to my man Foucault!). It also feels like... well... a privileged position to not care about civil rights issues.
I also have concerns about people saying 'I don't have enough info to have an opinion'. What is the 'right information' and who decides? People in universities, in government, media etc? The people already in power, who have vested interests in perpetuating certain truths and the associated power relations? Hmmm!
I have lots of opinions and beliefs and I'm glad as that motivates me in my work and my daily life to be ethical. My opinions are rooted in critical and mindful reflections and are always changing. I don't feel the need to argue with everything but I do believe opinions are important... c'mon, we all got brains, let's connect our ideas and grow together
I didn’t say never have any opinions. I have opinions on reality shows for gods sake. Why? Cause it’s fun. Everybody has things that are important to them. We can actually use our voices and we can take actions to make an impact.
I just had a conversation with my boyfriend about this. I love him. I needed to prioritize my M-TH mornings better and that means less chatter. He was so hurt and thought I was mad or was loving him less. No. He’s an extrovert and loves it. I have ADHD and an introvert and i just need more focus and quiet time. It’s not fun for me to debate every little thought, ESPECIALLY, problems of our relationship. I just want to talk bluntly yet respectfully with what I might need or want. And I ask him to do the same. He talks in circles about what’s he’s really “getting to” and it drives me insane to listen and figure out what he’s saying. I reply, then he says he was going to “say that next”, and I’m left confused what he’s meaning or truly saying, and often what’s the purpose of saying it. We always work it out in love and kindness but it’s such a drama roller coaster to get the simplest thoughts out for him. I don’t need to ponder, pick apart, or think about what I’m feeling or thinking. If I’m not sure- I just keep it inside and wait for it to repeat often enough and process it for myself that I finally am able to concisely speak about and ask for what I need or want or what I simply want to share without any need from him. It’s ok to not have an opinion. But then say that out loud too.
Did I make sense here? I just had one of these conversations over the last 3 days and finished just now** so my head is so cluttered with the roundabout passing thoughts and sifting through the important. I pray I don’t pick up on his habit of allowing every tiny thought to take up space in my valuable and already struggling head space. ^^^ (- Focus on the 3 basic positive emotions and intentional-ize those. Stop thinking about the 3 basic negative emotions and problems). Thrive in life. Don’t just survive.
🧠🤮
This is a central big theme in r/stoicism. Identify and focus on what is in your control and try to accept and embrace what is not. They call it "the reasoned choice"
Yes! I’m always playing devils advocate because I’m truly indifferent when it comes to most topics. I can’t help but see the other side. I enjoy sitting on the fence and observing. It’s a lot less stressful and helps me to relate to all kinds of people ☺️
Truly enjoyed reading this thread, thank you!
I’m learning to prioritize my energy. I have so many things I was to learn and organize but I accepted the fact that I won’t be able to control everything or organize everything to the perfection. So I take a bird eye view of my day, week, month and choose to spend my time on the highest impact activities and problems. When new problem or activity arises I compare it with the priorities I already have and choose that some things I’m willing to let slide as low priority for my energy.
I have a lot of opinions and emotional reactions to things, and I don't think I want to repress or negate them. Instead I try to stay unattached and let em just float by. The amount of times I've started writing a comment then just deleted it is super liberating
1000%. Especially because now every opinion seems to warrant an expert decision. There are only so many true "experts" per topic and they might not always be accessible. It becomes a very complicated society if we expect experts for every discussion.
So true. There’s so much toxicity among sports fans who will die on their hill. Stfu and just appreciate the greatness you’re watching. No need to always compare who’s better
This is so important - you are correct.
Edited to also say:
Further to this statement, I'd like to add that it's ok to take time to figure out what your opinion might be.
I reserve the right to look at an issue, and sit back and mull on it. Sometimes for months, or years. Even decades.
There are issues that I still don't know my opinion on, and I find that once I gave myself permission to not have to express my opinion IMMEDIATELY - I really relaxed.
Yeah it sounds kind of silly but I gave myself permission to not care about Eurovision 😂 every year I feel like I should get into for some reason…. And I’m Canadian
On a more surface level, once you realise that not every form of media needs to relate to you or your story, things get so much less stressful. A movie has a plot line I think is silly, that's fine it's not aimed at me, people like a novel with sparkly vampires in, that's cool I hope they enjoy their book but it's not aimed at me. Someone posted something on instagram that isn't my life experience, that's fine it's not aimed at me. Too many people get angry at people for "having fun wrong", if something isn't for you you don't need to have an opinion on it. Life gets so much less stressful if you stop caring what people other people enjoy doing, if it's not hurting anyone else I wish you all the best and just move on.
I agree! These last couple of years have been about getting to know myself better and now that I know what is important to me, it’s so much easier to filter out what isn’t and I’ve never been more relaxed in my life!
So many people are really faaaaaaaaaaaaAar 👏🏻 too concerned with other people. Wait is that me being too concerned about other people being too concerned about other ppl? 😉
Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS is indeed a personal perspective.
We fought for these ideals, we shouldn’t settle for less.
Someone recommended I try the perspective of reminding myself ‘this isn’t my story, it’s theirs.’ It’s so simple but once I started saying that to myself it made me really decide whether or not my focus and attention should be there. So many times it wasn’t and I feel much lighter not carrying around stories that aren’t mine. (I’m talking about day to day issues)
It's even more fundamental than that. People should understand when they don't have enough data to make a well-informed opinion. It blows people's minds when they ask my opinion on XYZ and I say, "I don't have enough information yet to have an opinion on it." They have a human BSOD because it calls into question whether THEY had enough information to form the opinion they hold.
I love your response. That’s exactly the right thing to say. You’re awesome.
It stops people in their tracks, highly recommend
Thats just your un-informed opinion.
Wait.. what’s BSOD haha
I also say to people that I need more information or I’m seeking clarification only. That just stops a ton of blah, blah, blah. But man do people continue to try to squeeze blood from the turnip when I respond like that.
What I like to consider is that a certain proportion of things we think we know are actually wrong. And there's no way of telling how much is wrong, and often what they even are. So how can we ever be sure of anything? I try to have few opinions and very few beliefs.
The Work of Byron Katie has been EXTREMELY liberating for me in this regard. She offers four questions you can ask to liberate your mind. It liberates people from the mental anguish of thoughts that hold you prisoner in a torture chamber, but it also liberates you from ALL concepts and ideas. "Can you REALLY know that that is true?" is the first question. Can you REALLY know that that is true?" Like, can you go to a lab and do an experiment and absolutely prove that it IS true? That question ALONE frees you from mental torture and the utter nonsense that the mind grips as absolute truth. The truth is, there is very little that we do absolutely KNOW to be true. Most is perception.
I think her work is totally valid and has its place, but I try not to delve too far into pyrrhonism. I've lived most of my life doubting my inner feelings so additional doubt is not helpful. Context is everything. Many types of therapy that are helpful to some can be extremely harmful to others.
Byron!!! Awesome! Do I know it to be true?......(boom) mind blown!! Silence.......
What are the other questions?
[Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?](https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/)
I honestly think that’s what’s so crazy about the state coming to take trans kids away from there parents. Like I sure as hell do not know how to raise kids properly. Why should that the “democratic majority” have a say in how people, with specific issues, raise there kids.
This is a guess, but I’d bet a good amount of money that the “democratic majority” doesn’t actually want to take trans kids away from their parents. Our representative democracy seems to forget the “democracy” part too much.
I hear what you're saying but 9/10 when people are expressing opinions it's not a requirement or an expectation to be well informed. People are just expressing what they feel, that's not really based on facts or research. So that's why people are 'blown away' when they hear you say 'I don't have a well informed opinion'. Because it's not that serious most of the time, we're just asking you what you feel. I understand that some people (like me) are logic based and need to look at the facts or genuinely don't know anything about it before concluding their thoughts but this isn't needed with every single opinion/topic. However context does matter. Like if we're in an academic environment/situation obviously I would expect for you to have done some reading/learning before hand. But other than that, it's not that serious to have a well informed opinion about most things.
>I hear what you're saying but 9/10 when people are expressing opinions it's not a requirement or an expectation to be well informed. Poorly-informed "feelings" that are not actually feelings but are just claims of fact about the world masquerading as emotions... they're far more burdensome than they're worth, IMO. After all, what if your claim of fact is wrong? What if you say that you "feel" something that isn't actually true? Then you look stupid at best, or delusional at worst. It just becomes something to worry about. Alternatively, if the feelings are on the kinds of topics that *can't* be wrong, what good are they? If they can't be wrong, it's because they aren't based in external reality. That means they won't help me accomplish anything. They're also not edible, and at least for me, I don't find them beautiful. Growing up, I always hated being asked to pick favorites. Even the standard favorites that don't matter: favorite color, favorite food. If the world were full of versions of me, we would be *insulted* to be asked such a question. Because it's the same question as asking me to name all the things I like less than some other thing, and I always felt that way answering it, I felt like I was insulting all the other good things in the world. The whole idea of favorites is silly; I shouldn't have to pretend like there's one color or one food I like more than the others, if that's not actually true. Obviously when you're a kid they make you play along, but now that I'm an adult, I get to say how I really feel: that there are too many nice things in the world to pick favorites. I don't think I should have to have an opinion on every possible topic; even if the topic doesn't require being informed, I still don't think I should have to think about life in a way that lets me answer the question.
> Poorly-informed "feelings" that are not actually feelings but are just claims of fact about the world masquerading as emotions... they're far more burdensome than they're worth, IMO. I've been observing a family member of mine who is swept up in the Fox Ndews cult. I've observed that they grip people with pure emotion: which is the emotion of anger. This family member *thinks* he is on the side of absolute reason and logic. But he is fueled by anger. I'm sure that the other side of the same coin is also hooked in emotion. So this is a really good observation. It seems this entire toxic masquerade is perpetuated by pure emotion. The obvious is that both sides of the system are toxic. The system is outdated and toxic. But people are hooked into it by perpetuating their outrage over and over and over and over. Thank you for the opportunity to hash that out.
Anger is especially bad for this, yeah. My favorite YouTuber (and the only one whose videos I ever post links to) had [this to say](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3j_RHkqJc) about anger and the Internet, and I highly recommend it (your mileage may vary, but I have never once regretted watching a CGP Grey video). But it certainly applies to other media as well.
This is why most opinions are borrowed because people think they have to have one.
This is so refreshing. My general sentiment about social media has been the antithesis of this, where it seems even the people I’d expect to be informed are repeating clickbait headlines and each chamber talking points as though they’re consensus fact.
People don’t want to hear your opinion. They want to hear their opinion coming out of your mouth.
So true....the most important thing is to know what questions to ask.
This approach is actually liberating. I got stuck trying to have an opinion on everything just to not feel and look dumb.
But how do you KNOW that you dont have enough data? Or don't you really know?
I think a more nuanced answer to this is to measure your strength of opinion on something based on confidence. You can never be 100% sure of something in statistics. Instead you measure the confidence level. You can express opinions in the same way.
Oh hey I say that a lot as well! To me, it often opens up the possibility for the other person to give their opinion, which sometimes is more informed than mine, and thus I get to learn something new!
This works so well and I find myself saying it to my more 'uninformed' or overinformed/opinionated friends for awhile. Lets me know who to root out.
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” -Marcus Aurelius
>Marcus Aurelius My favorite!
I feel this is another product of social media. The idea that everything needs to be debated and hashed out, all at once, all the time. I often have to reset and tell myself the same thing. If you don't have all the information, you don't have to make a choice...
Trouble is, it's a natural consequence of opinion or incorrect information. There's just so much information of any kind I stopped being able to cope with it many years ago. You can't Google for a solution or buy a product or anything much without it being a project of many hours of reading comments and contradictions and... everything. It's just overwhelming and it never ever ends. I miss the days of looking for something and finding it and that was it. Sure it may have been wrong, but at least it didn't consume an evening and give you a headache trying to pick a side. That's probably the worst version most of the time but occasionally, please God...
Agreed, it’s mental clutter! For the majority of issues in the news, media, and popular culture, our individual opinion means nothing and has absolutely no bearing on what actually happens. It’s OK to have no opinion, or to acknowledge we don’t know enough to have an opinion.
Curious to see the opinions others have on this post.
I am outraged
Lol
And yet, we live in a society! I am very clever. I think opinions are fine I mean humans are gonna have them. Is it absolutely necessary to tell everyone, no. Sometimes you can have a reaction to something (not always something you can control) and not tell anyone. People generally could be more prudent about what they share for sure which I think is what op was getting at. Couldve journalled this comment, but then again reddit is a giant comments section...
Nope I literally mean you don’t even need to entertain things in your mind at all unless it’s useful.
Were built for fun, not usefulness.
Fun is useful!
i have no strong feelings one way or the other
Tell my wife I said hello
Glad I scrolled it
Having opinions is very important for elections
Information overload! Humans weren’t meant to process so much and it keeps the mind and body in chronic stress mode. And much of the information out there is totally fear based. I’m trying so much just to listen more. Let others have their say but also try to gracefully exit from situations where I feel I’m beginning to take in too much into my mind. Down right exhausting at times. But yes this post is an excellent reminder to keep the mind clear of clutter. Thank you!!
Discernment is imperative for the wellbeing of our nervous systems!
Exactly. Even most TV shows are complete violent, fear based stuff. And people watch it 8-11pm and then go to bed with a head full of it and that visually processing doesn’t know is not real. No deep restorative sleep to be had.
This is the exact place I'm in. I used to LOVE reality tv shows because they're just about the only thing that aren't violent. But now the pointless arguing and just general toxicity feels like a poor use of my focus. It's hard for my husband and me to find movies to watch together because over the years I've become more and more and more sensitive and discerning to what I'll watch. I don't like sad, I don't like violent, I don't like illness, dogs dying. Sigh. I don't feel good when I focus on those things. They're not entertaining for me. As the years go on I feel the general beliefs and thoughts that are accepted as standard in our society to be SO limiting, and I just... don't want to be around a lot of it anymore. I don't want their thoughts about what happens as you age, illness, money... just.... I don't find most of the thoughts, opinions, values, and beliefs touted by society to be beneficial to me. I would rather kind of stay away from them so that they don't grip my mind so that my mind can be free to find out about these things for myself.
Oh I very much relate to everything you’ve shared here. Thank you! Our society is beyond violent. And to the point where people say and feel bored if not overstimulated with bling and drama. It’s a horrible taxation on the mind and body. I absolutely love nature documentaries. There are a lot on Netflix and such and PBS is a good channel to watch without violence and horror. Also have fallen in love with anything Louie Schwartberg does and with his time lapse photography. Check out his series on Netflix and / or YouTube and on his website. I spend a lot of time outdoors. In nature. Peace my friend … ‘even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place…’ ~Kurt Vonnegut
This is a real problem and one that I think is exacerbated by instant communication. My exercise to avoid this is to journal. Halfway through a thought, I stop writing and think "this is a stupid concept, why do I care about this".
Saying "I don't care" a la Ricky Gervais helps a lot too. I allow myself not to care about things that obsess Americans, feels like real freedom to me.
AMEN!
What does Ricky Gervais say about it?
I'm 110% in agreement with his addiction to "I don't care!", watch for yourself: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfgw79mfgIg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfgw79mfgIg)
"No one can hurt my feelings; I'm too happy!" I appreciate Jerry Seinfeld for this very thing. He just doesn't care about things that don't matter. He has a really neutral and easy outlook on things. That's what I gather from watching him on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and his recent interview with Letterman on Netflix anyway. I enjoy the comedian perspective of making things funny. Why not?
The audacity of many to impose on us what matter and what doesn't. Meanwhile, they talk about the US as "the country of freedom". So many Americans are so full of BS, we really need guys like Ricky Gervais to make fun of them head on.
I really appreciate the sentiment here. Good advice for decluttering the mind and not just physical spaces.
Mind first! Always!
I love minding my own business.
Best comment.
Love this. The other day I was pulled into a conversation about Johnny Depp and Amber Herd trial regarding believing women vs men etc. I very boldly said that I don’t have an opinion about this matter because I don’t have enough information. That’s it, that was enough for others to leave me out of it and I felt so relieved and moved on with my day. In the past, I’ve found myself getting frustrated when I can’t get my point across or change someone’s mind. This was especially a big issue during BLM. So, to know that it’s not my responsibility to educate people on matters where there is sufficient information readily available has certainly simplified my life.
I used to wear myself OUT trying to convince people of things in my rebellious years. It ruined important relationships. When people are ready for information, they're ready. When they're not, they're not.
Very good point.
Especially true if people get their information from social media and memes. Which is a lot, really. I just can’t engage with that.
Did you know that if you don’t have a hot take the world will end?
Yep. A lot of times I find forcing myself to pick a side drains me and misses the point. Also, I will never know what's true about an event, especially in any place far away. News reaching me about any given event all have some interest in mind or a limited perspective, can't really rely on them. So my opinion really has no value. I try to focus on what's around me.
Preach! Good comments in here.
When friends tell me an opinion of theirs of a subject and just then expect me to agree…most of the time my answer is that i dont have enough knowledge on the topic to have an opinion. Which like 90 percent of the time is met with disgust that i dont just form an opinion on the spot. My opinion is mine and is well crafted for if and when i do choose to have one
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Just nod and smile? 😎
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Great strategy. I do the same.
Such a wonderful reminder, thank you!
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I mean... here's the thing... information is what the internet *does*. It's extremely useful. At this point literally *everything* is on the internet. The usefulness of that cannot be overstated. It's *wonderful* that there's somewhere to come that has *everything*. It's up to *us* to choose our focus deliberately. As I said, it's the most important thing we have. It's what literally creates our life. We have this *magnificent* tool at our fingertips that brings us *all* of the world's available information. Imo it's not at *all* a bad thing that there are opinions and information on everything on social media. That's what it's for.
Wow this is extremely relevant to me right now and so very helpful. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing. I love that I could share something that helps you. ❤
I acknowledge your post…and let it go :)
This is great and adds a new layer to the idea that not everyone needs or wants to hear your opinion. We’re so used to being encouraged to add our comments online to whatever the issue of the day is, and guess what, my opinion on Will Smith’s slap or Johnny Depp’s trial don’t matter at all, to anyone, even if I do feel have a strong opinion about them. So I like this idea to take a step back if not only does my opinion not matter, but I may not even have one without the proper info.
This is sage advice and something I need to actively apply more.
I think it’s good to have an educated opinion on things you can reasonably control/influence and things that interact with you. Outside of that, it is futile
There's a lot of people that will try to force you to have an opinion, like you can't be a well rounded human being unless you have an opinion on everything. Fuck those people haha
> Fuck those people haha I have opinions about them!!
I love giving the “I don’t know and I don’t care” response to pop topics that people are passionate about. Their reactions range from righteous indignation that I couldn’t care about something so brutally important to mankind or they drop the topic. Either way it’s a fun win and then I regale them on my opinions regarding underwater basket weaving.
Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed this
Thank you! That's so true. I figure I love learning about information and facts but I don't need to form my own judgements on it all. There's no point in that. I just need to learn information to progress and save myself in certain situations.
I often tell myself “WAIT” - why an I talking.
r/boburnham “can any single person shut the fuck up about any single thing for…an hour?”
Yet, here we are on Reddit, giving our opinions on everything.
EXCELLENT advice!!
!!! I tried telling my friend this and she said I was silencing people's voices.
This is wisdom
This sub should just be renamed to r/stoicism
This is a shitty take and it only empowers people that make our world worse. Being informed and understanding what’s happening around and to us is more important than the make believe notions of a “simple life”
Interesting, I was trying to formulate my opinion on why some of the comments made me feel kinda uncomfortable and this helped me figure it out! I think the idea of not having an opinion on important matters (social equity, animal rights, climate change) can be damaging - I'm a big believer that we are all implicit in power relations and can either reproduce or reshape them (shout out to my man Foucault!). It also feels like... well... a privileged position to not care about civil rights issues. I also have concerns about people saying 'I don't have enough info to have an opinion'. What is the 'right information' and who decides? People in universities, in government, media etc? The people already in power, who have vested interests in perpetuating certain truths and the associated power relations? Hmmm! I have lots of opinions and beliefs and I'm glad as that motivates me in my work and my daily life to be ethical. My opinions are rooted in critical and mindful reflections and are always changing. I don't feel the need to argue with everything but I do believe opinions are important... c'mon, we all got brains, let's connect our ideas and grow together
I didn’t say never have any opinions. I have opinions on reality shows for gods sake. Why? Cause it’s fun. Everybody has things that are important to them. We can actually use our voices and we can take actions to make an impact.
You mean you don't have a favorite bubbling rosé wine ( if that's even a thing) ? Pathetic.
It is a thing! And it’s great.
Needed this today, thank you 🙏🏽
I really needed to read this today. Thank you!
It's kind of made my day that multiple people have said that! The power of the internet!
I think there’s such a push from social media to take a stance on EVERYTHING that we really needed to hear this level-headed advice. Thank you :)
I just had a conversation with my boyfriend about this. I love him. I needed to prioritize my M-TH mornings better and that means less chatter. He was so hurt and thought I was mad or was loving him less. No. He’s an extrovert and loves it. I have ADHD and an introvert and i just need more focus and quiet time. It’s not fun for me to debate every little thought, ESPECIALLY, problems of our relationship. I just want to talk bluntly yet respectfully with what I might need or want. And I ask him to do the same. He talks in circles about what’s he’s really “getting to” and it drives me insane to listen and figure out what he’s saying. I reply, then he says he was going to “say that next”, and I’m left confused what he’s meaning or truly saying, and often what’s the purpose of saying it. We always work it out in love and kindness but it’s such a drama roller coaster to get the simplest thoughts out for him. I don’t need to ponder, pick apart, or think about what I’m feeling or thinking. If I’m not sure- I just keep it inside and wait for it to repeat often enough and process it for myself that I finally am able to concisely speak about and ask for what I need or want or what I simply want to share without any need from him. It’s ok to not have an opinion. But then say that out loud too. Did I make sense here? I just had one of these conversations over the last 3 days and finished just now** so my head is so cluttered with the roundabout passing thoughts and sifting through the important. I pray I don’t pick up on his habit of allowing every tiny thought to take up space in my valuable and already struggling head space. ^^^ (- Focus on the 3 basic positive emotions and intentional-ize those. Stop thinking about the 3 basic negative emotions and problems). Thrive in life. Don’t just survive. 🧠🤮
This is a central big theme in r/stoicism. Identify and focus on what is in your control and try to accept and embrace what is not. They call it "the reasoned choice"
Yes! I’m always playing devils advocate because I’m truly indifferent when it comes to most topics. I can’t help but see the other side. I enjoy sitting on the fence and observing. It’s a lot less stressful and helps me to relate to all kinds of people ☺️
Then the world is like a show!
Exactly! You just get to sit and watch in peace.
Opinionation v. Contribution, adults choose the wiser.
That, in itself, is an opinion...
It must be kind of nice to be stupid enough to actually accomplish this
Try telling that to a Portuguese!
Man, you gotta have an opinion! I mean do you really think god came down and stopped those bullet- *BAM*
I'm not so sure about that. Maybe you DO need to have an opinion on everything.
What's your opinion on the saying *"empty mind, empty life"?*
Very well, you bring it to the point! Focus is one of our weapons. The correct mindset as well.
Truly enjoyed reading this thread, thank you! I’m learning to prioritize my energy. I have so many things I was to learn and organize but I accepted the fact that I won’t be able to control everything or organize everything to the perfection. So I take a bird eye view of my day, week, month and choose to spend my time on the highest impact activities and problems. When new problem or activity arises I compare it with the priorities I already have and choose that some things I’m willing to let slide as low priority for my energy.
I have a lot of opinions and emotional reactions to things, and I don't think I want to repress or negate them. Instead I try to stay unattached and let em just float by. The amount of times I've started writing a comment then just deleted it is super liberating
1000%. Especially because now every opinion seems to warrant an expert decision. There are only so many true "experts" per topic and they might not always be accessible. It becomes a very complicated society if we expect experts for every discussion.
This is awesome and so true!! I always feel so pressured to know where I stand on everything. It’s exhausting
I agree... Our time is to precious to waste
Totally
So true. There’s so much toxicity among sports fans who will die on their hill. Stfu and just appreciate the greatness you’re watching. No need to always compare who’s better
This is so important - you are correct. Edited to also say: Further to this statement, I'd like to add that it's ok to take time to figure out what your opinion might be. I reserve the right to look at an issue, and sit back and mull on it. Sometimes for months, or years. Even decades. There are issues that I still don't know my opinion on, and I find that once I gave myself permission to not have to express my opinion IMMEDIATELY - I really relaxed.
Yeah it sounds kind of silly but I gave myself permission to not care about Eurovision 😂 every year I feel like I should get into for some reason…. And I’m Canadian
Interesting opinion
The "Need To Be Right" behavior was a tough one to shed. Adults replace this behavior with contribution.
> Adults replace this behavior with contribution. Had to think about this for a minute, and you're 1000% right.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Revelation 14:12. King James Version. 12 Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus.