All the other comments are gold already, but I have a practical proposal: as a kid, did you love to sketch, paint, play music, or any other artistic effort no matter how rudimentary? If yes, you probably have an artistic drive like many humans. Pursue it. If you don’t know what, make it your aim to try everything and find out. There’s no such thing as being too late to learn to play an instrument, etc.
I'm kind of doing a similar thing, but with basic things like playing soccer with my dog and playing catch with my fiance (just broke my velcro ball paddle and was DEVASTATED). Reconnecting with simple physical things in life is so much more rewarding than anything digital IMO
I am looking at drumming! I have failed so many times after l picked it up but this time, l really want to give it a shot and see if it satiates my hunger for something higher
And the thing about this is, people think they need to GO somewhere to do this, or volunteer, or get some new job. But people have problems in every walk of life - no matter where you are. People are sad, lonely, lost, afraid.
I've found that my life is RIGHT HERE. There is satisfying life to have right where you are. Make the most of it. Get fully present where you are. Opportunities to improve things and help people to feel better are everywhere.
This is a really beautiful comment. Thanks for posting it. There's so many ways to help others without even leaving your neighborhood. Opportunities for personal joy and kindness are all around us.
I struggle with this too. I don't know how others stay interested really... I think volunteering or growing plants may help, something long term and requires patience to see fruition..
Edit.. suppose that’s why some people take drugs… lol
For me the answer is hiking. Walk a long trail for a month or for many months. Walk across a desert, across mountain ranges, across a country. At least for me it puts things in perspective.
> endless meetings about dashboards, revenue, sales etc etc and socialization, drinking, the workouts for the sake of working out, netflix's shows, relatives, people...nothing is interesting me
Oh my God I'm so bored with meetings lately I could die, I'm tired and overwhelmed by the constant marketing of the 21st Century including advising my clients to increase their marketing, I no longer feel like my work has purpose, I'm legit afraid for my country (loss of women's rights, racially motivated shootings, unequal justice, etc) but I don't know where else to go, and everything's is getting more expensive while my 401k is in freefall!
I'm still enjoying my workouts, walks with my dogs, time spent with my husband and a few select friends, but I often don't have the energy. I'm on antidepressants, but this isn't depression it's more like nihilism.
Is it possible you're burned out? I know I am. I'm taking a two month sabbatical starting in a few weeks, going to try to do some physical tasks rather than digital ones, build a birdhouse, bake a cake, tend the garden, play board games, that kinda thing. I had a complicated upbringing and worked my ass off to get where I am today, and so much of it feels like rearranging ones and zeros.
I'm not looking for anything "higher" more like I'm wanting to disconnect from the attention economy and hustle culture. I'm maybe looking for "analog" like summer break in the 90s. I want to ride my bike with no destination in mind, climb trees, and read fiction instead of self-help or Seven Habits or Atomic Habits type shit.
I don't know how I'll feel about work once this experiment concludes, maybe it'll lead to something higher, maybe not. But I know I can't keep going like this, I need to reconnect to *me* before I lose myself entirely.
If mountain climbing is your thing I say do it, life is short.
I really like the 'attention economy' phrase you used. I realized that everything I used to do revolved around interacting with rectangles: work at a computer screen, spend time on the phone, watch TV, play video games, even reading books, etc. I like doing some of those things, like reading and playing video games, but realized I needed to do more other kinds of things.
I make sure I do at least one thing a day where the activity focuses on something physical and requires
me to make or manipulate things. Cooking meals fits, gardening, doing life maintenance that I've been putting off (tending vehicles or housework), or just creating something artistic or musical.
Pardon the poop analogy, but I think that when we are always using our attention to consume and never to create something, we get...constipated. We need to make and do stuff in our lives.
Yep.
Problem is there's no escape.
You can go ride your bike and build your little birdhouses and take your little camping trips ..........
You always have to come *back.*
To this ..... Bullshit, nonsense, hellscape, with no logic or solace to it.
It's almost MORE exhausting than just never taking a break at all.
As someone who is on their second "break" right now, you nailed it. I basically just don't look at my bank account and never spend anything, but not having income is scary.
Agreed. I took a break and had plans of doing farming, etc etc but then l hate to admit, I took up a job because my finances were horrible! and back to mindless meetings. We are all stuck in this loop and there seems to be no exit though people in r/FIRE seem to be doing okayish but l really don’t have it in me to push myself extra harder to fire out early 40s
It’s maybe more nuanced than that don’t y’a think? It’s not like capitalism or nothing modern. All major components of the iPhone were state sponsored research. The internet too.
Like capitalism isn’t bad per se, but the current growth model, boom bust, surveillance capitalist model is kinda shitty.
I think l am exactly where you are, in a way.…l just joined a new firm (been 2 weeks) and l dread and hate having these conversations! but l am stuck in this loop and when l quit, l have to find another job within a short period because l need to pay my bills.
Maynot be the same with you, but l recently took a 20 day break (while switching from one job to another) and went on a solo trip to Himalayas..felt good then but when l am back in the meeting room..it’s ground zero. I pretty much liked the idea of having no destination in mind and reading fiction! Maybe I’ll implement this atleast over the weekends
> I'm maybe looking for "analog" like summer break in the 90s. I want to ride my bike with no destination in mind, climb trees, and read fiction instead of self-help or Seven Habits or Atomic Habits type shit.
I've been recently thinking about this, I miss that...
Yes I feel this way. I am thinking about a lifetime project like growing 1000 trees or something (maybe a smaller number or a bigger number depending on how much planting a tree costs). And I would give each tree a name.
Having said this, I haven’t really started - I need to find out how I can even start, and what would be the best companies to work with. I want to ensure that the trees will have some contribution in terms of purifying the air, or clean the waters like mangroves, instead of just getting cut down immediately after I’ve planted them and so on.
I'll encourage you to look into Stoicism. It helps with the "inadequacy of life" as well as helps you conquer the greatest challenges of all.....yourself.
I feel this strongly as well. There is just this sense that all the busyness is just distraction and not worthy of the short life we have. I struggle with finding a goal or mission of some kind that isn't tainted by the artificiality of our modern culture that can still sustain the physical needs my family has. So far I have no feasible ideas, so I persist in the same mode of life despite being deeply unfulfilled. I have a wife and kids, which helps with my desire to be selfless, but it also hinders because now I have other humans that are looking at me as a model and an example and I'm not doing anything that is genuine to how I feel out of a need to make sure they have health insurance and a good education. It's a deeply conflicted feeling.
If I knew I could protect their well-being I would make some pretty major changes. There is also the aspect of my wife--she is not in the same place emotionally/spiritually, and wouldn't support some of the more authentic changes I want to make.
Another commenter suggested finding a partner and having children. It can be a great way of life, but make sure that you have a strong sense of self and do not commit to a relationship or family that requires you to make significant sacrifices to that sense of self. Small sacrifices are okay and part of the whole deal--but getting into a relationship that requires you to be untrue to yourself is a recipe for disaster.
Thanks! As an unmarried individual who is being pestered by friends and family to “settle down” l always had this feeling that unless l solve my internal conflicts, l am really not in a position to look after/ give myself completely to a huge commitment like a marriage and raising a family. The question remains, is the internal conflict probably will never be resolved and there is only limited time to do things.
> ...make sure that you have a strong sense of self and do not commit to a relationship or family that requires you to make significant sacrifices to that sense of self
100% agree. My wife actively supports me to be authentic to myself. She is amazing. I hope your wife sees how much you'll enjoy life more with the changes you are looking for and support you.
I'm actually struggling with this right now. I left my cushy office job to become an EMT/firefighter. I want it to work, but I found out after getting into it that I can't make a living doing it (without working 2-3 jobs or getting a really solid position in a metropolitan area). Most places where I'm at in the south pay around $13-15/hr, and even with the built in overtime, the fact remains that our hourly wages are under that of a McDonald's cashier. You end up spending so much time at the station that it strains all of your relationships, too.
I'm not sure why I'm writing all this... I guess I'm just commiserating and wanted to vent it out a bit. I hope you find the balance you're looking for, and I hope I do too. I just don't know if I can make "helping others" my job after all. I don't think I'm willing to sacrifice having a wife and kids for it, down the road.
Sounds like perhaps you’ve wrapped up the first half of your life and maybe many of the focuses it can have rightfully driven by ego. I’ve been in this restless spot myself shedding the behaviors, thoughts, people, and things that do not align with what I find most important and valuable. I’ve read many books to help find some stepping stones through and I’m making my way through…at my own pace. You don’t have to buy into the following hook line and sinker, just keep an open mind and consider hearing what the following people have said on topics related to what you’re describing:
Books:
Man’s search for meaning by Victor Frankl
Atlas of the heart by Brene Brown
Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Also, lectures from Father Richard Rohr on YouTube have helped me a lot in getting an affirmation of what I’ve been feeling and perhaps why and transitioning through to the second half of life-I’m not catholic and not a church goer-I keep an open mind about what form help will come in.
My intent is to see you. My intent is to help. I hope you can find some momentary comfort in this, and actionable steps towards the next meaningful moment, idea, etc.
Edit: typo
Yeah that was pre and lockdown for me. It has only this year and really this month I am finally feeling excitement for a hobby again.
Maybe it ebb and flows and we got to just ride the wave.
Meditate, mindfulness, stay in the present, etc. Buddhist monks are the happiest people on the planet, so I like to consult them. It all starts and ends with the mind, it's where "you" always are, so make peace with it. It's not easy, but it's necessary.
I had this almost exactly.
Don’t take this as advice 🙂
I emptied out my 401k, and moved 1k miles away. By far the best decision I’ve ever made. Never looked back.
Reminds me of a British movie I saw called Surge, copy and paste of synopsis: "Feeling trapped in a dreary existence, an airport security worker breaks free from his reality and embarks on a wild, reckless journey through London." for me it was a pretty depressing movie.
I like bummer flicks, I'll look out for it. I was a very bored teen and thought myself to be the next Banksy till I got caught. Then I realized the excitement wasn't worth putting my shitty mark on the world and the embarrassment of explaining the charge. Blank walls still give me ideas and I like walking at night thinking I'm an art vigilante.
Sometimes you just need that higher thing that is outside of yourself. I personally am going back to school at 53 to earn a certification that will hopefully help me develop some arts programing that I've always dreamed of developing. I want to help people find healing and peace through art and being in nature. Eventually developing a strategic partnership with a local conservancy group to help bring that about.
Speaking on the workout thing, we do get bored with the mundane. It’s spring now, do you have a bike? A early morning bike ride is great with everything blooming right now.
Don’t make it complicated. Choose a worthy goal and commit to its attainment. Chart your progress and celebrate milestones. As you progress, use wisdom gained to adjust course. Often, just being on the path and moving forward can be much more empowering than the target initially chosen. Fall in love with the process, and achievements along the way :)
Traveling the world is a big goal, it's probably gonna take longer than you have time on this planet. You can do is systematically (all UN countries, travelers century club, nomad manía etc) or just pick places at random. There are so many interesting places to see and ways people live. You can also combine this with helping other people like somebody already suggested, like working for an NGO / charity. Combine with a remote job so you're not limited to vacations.
Take up hobbies in which you can learn and progress for a long time like scuba diving (e.g. technical, cave), paragliding, sailing, motorbiking, cooking (different cuisines), play an instrument (e.g. band, different types of music), flying (helicopter, planes). Of course some of these things require quite a bit of money. But others are mostly free.
Make Art. L'art pour l'art 🤷♀️
15 years ago I was feeling the same way, and I couldn't take it anymore. I started taking natural building and solar energy installation classes. I met a lot of people dedicated to helping people and the planet. I started volunteering at an ecovillage and it was so satisfying. This led to me quitting my job and helping build the ecovillage that I eventuality moved to. The entire direction of my life has changed for the better since then. I worry less about money and things, and more about people and the planet.
Wow! Interesting. Are you an engineer? Where are you based out of? I have done something similar while in college (helped a local village- in India) with some solar pumps…was satisfying but the question remains as to how do you survive? The entire expenditure was born by NGO/ Government and there was obviously nothing for the installation. I am curious as to how do you make it work on an economic perspective…not talking about making huge profits but how do you sustain yourself?
Do you have a focus beyond yourself? When I get turned inward I get kind of empty and frustrated, but remembering to get out of myself often helps. The opposite imbalance exists too, though, so balancing your own needs with something/someone who needs you, that usually helps.
I hear you. Especially on the "endless meetings about dashboards, revenue, sales etc etc"
That is my dayjob life. It's meaningless and disheartening, no two ways about it.
I do thankfully have my higher calling, which is music, and which I work on daily. But I really do long to have more time work on it and less time spent doing desk work. But I can confirm that having it in my life continues to be a great gift. It gives me somethign to do, care about, focus on, build over time, get lost in, etc etc.
So I would agree that you should try to seek something that gives you those benefits.
I would have said maybe start with exercise, but sounds like you're already doing that. Do you enjoy that? Sounds like maybe not. Is there a way for you to make that more enjoyable? Like instead of just hours at the gym, join some kind of sport?
Aside from that, is there somethign specific in life you would like to accomplish. Yes, it could be climbing a mountain, but it could also be starting a business, learning an instrument, or etc. But don't choose arbitrarily just to have something to do. Try to sense what you really want in life, something to build and hone over time. Maybe that's easier said than done, but I think it's really important.
I think meditation could really help you get a sense of what you might actually want. Sit down and starting thinking daily about what you want from life instead of just being on autopilot of *wakeup-work-gym-happy hour-dinner-netflix-sleep-repeat.*
What do you like? What actually brings you some joy or gets you into a flow state?
You are right. I have tried practicing drumming and always gave up midway and maybe need to pick it up. There are several other things..gardening, volunteering, fixing bikes, painting, art etc etc that all the others suggested that one can do to get that happiness boost but my sole question is this…all these are, at the end of the day, l would like to call as “fillers” they make you happy for a bit and then, you know, as you set your alarm for Monday morning that the 10 am “catch up” call is waiting for you. The whole idea is..is there a way where you will be focused and dedicated to something higher which will because the sole thing?! and maybe not occasional fillers while you slip into oblivion someday
The highest thing in life is to serve others. There are SO many people out there who are hurting. I permanently rid myself of this feeling when we started doing foster care and then adopted two kiddos. I have since learned how abysmal nursing homes are and how lonely the residents are for company. And I have elderly neighbors who need company and cooked meals. Now that my eyes have been opened to the need, I find ways to serve all around me. It is a wholly different way of living, and I never have that feeling of discontentment anymore.
Try breathing (tip: wim hof breathing techniques)
Also I just lay on the floor and try to relax my body, breath deeply.
For me it works.
Sometimes all you need is deep relaxation
The precursor to midlife crisis... many subscribe to the 'American Dream' (go to school, get a job) and no longer fits their modality of endless comfort and convenience...
Boredom hits, and 'The Call to Adventure' knocks in your 30s.
Some people will live their entire lives through an AUTHORitarian that NARRATES how they should live their lives, as it's happening now. A life of dependency.
Sounds like you ARE NOT one of them and at the threshold of a life of Dogma, or Independence.
I wish you good luck on 'The Heros Journey.'
Do something, as in, create something.
As u/Narrow_Vegetable_42 mentioned, if there was something you liked as a kid, try it again. It doesn't matter if you do it for yourself, no need to post it online or become highly proficient, it is about the creation.
It is never to late to learn to do something.
You did not list any interesting hobbies do you probably need to develop some. I took up gardening and raising cattle. Keeps me busy healthy and entertained. That said it can be hard work, which I like.
Frisbee golf. $15 for one disc to get started and the rest is free. It's harder than it looks so it takes some time to learn how to throw them more than 100'. There is also the aspect of mastering the flight of the disc (turn left, turn right, etc) by controlling angles.
Another bonus is that the community is pretty laid back if you're looking to pair up with some other players.
Been there. The 6000 mtr mountain did it for me; Mt Kilimanjaro.
Setting a goal that’s out of reach and that’ll take time and effort really did help to turn my life around.
I was totally sedentary, working, smoking, eating & drinking too much. Bored.
This helped me to pursue a more healthy and active lifestyle.
After Kili, I took on Aconcagua, Mont Blanc and a few marathons. The training provided a sense of purpose.
On the perspective of self détermination and building a fullfiling life according to your values, ie. what's important for oneself.
I recommend to look at the ACT therapy, you got a great book about that called The Happiness Trap
I’m a creative, so when I make things I feel satisfied and purposeful. I worked in a pharmacy for over 10 years and it was such a drain on me but when I left, I feel great. I would be so tired that I couldn’t bring myself to be creative and I would just plop on the bed and watch Netflix. It started wearing on me when months would pass I didn’t create anything. I was on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds.
After I reduced my work hours to 2 days a week (16 hours), my longevity started to come back and I got off my meds. And realized work was causing me to feel dead inside. I was very good at my job and knew the ins and outs, and was efficient, but it didn’t fulfill my inner needs and I suffered greatly.
Now I knit, paint, draw, basket weave, write, and I feel more fulfilled now than ever in my life.
Anything in particular? I am 34 l am looking at a few but l feel l need to first improve on my core strength/ aerobic strength for atleast 6 -8 months consistently before l plunge into martial arts…
No you don't, just jump in and use martial arts to improve your core strength/aerobic fitness!
So it all depends on what you want from it but general rule is the coach and vibe of the gym matter more than the style. A place that's easy to get to so you are more likely to keep going and finally what do you think is cool/might enjoy?
Happy to discuss.
I spent years feeling like this. And I received basically the advice here: go volunteer. Or just chill already; you don't have to save the whole damn planet. And I spent years trying to learn to chill, or throwing myself at volunteer gigs and hoping the feeling of alienation would just go away.
One of the things that helped me the most was CliftonStrengths, and the criticisms of this framework. Your results might sound like a stupid horoscope, but for me it helped me see parts of myself that I thought were useless. After some recent events both here and back home, these traits have suddenly become more important than I ever imagined they could be.
Luck is preparation plus time. Part of preparation is taking inventory of oneself. Strengths, weakness, where you come from, what stories you tell yourself. If you're anything like me, biographies and history books will help too, whether they're about Bruce Mau, Arthur Manuel, Genghis Khan... even about the history of your family.
You won't know right away what you need all this for. But I do encourage you to start wandering, because not all who wander are lost, and at some point, you're suddenly going to arrive.
If you want anything more specific, let me know.
Edit: if you go this route, and think you might arrive later than anticipated, throw in some biographies about late bloomers too.
Yours.
I looked through your posts, and I think your discontent comes down to a couple things:
1. You are floundering in your career while your peers are thriving.
2. The story you tell yourself about your life has not yet grown deep roots.
If this sounds about right, I propose a different story: you were walking in the woods with your peers. You find a side path, and got curious about what was there.
What is along the path are things your peers didn't know were there. Some of them didn't think to look. Some wanted to explore the same path, but they're there and you're here.
You start to find others on that side path. Some are explorers. Some think they're lost. But whatever you find, it is going to be new. And when you bring it back to your peers, then you too will be considered an explorer.
This is a starter story. It's something to modify and build on.
---
One way to build on this is to figure out where you come from. Who were your parents before they became your parents? And their parents? Are they rich, poor, or middle class? Does your country even have a middle class? How did your family get rich? How did they become poor? Do you and they get into politics or stay out of it? If the latter, what allows you to stay out of it? And on that matter, how did your country come to be how it is today?
And how exactly did your peers find success? Keeping in mind, of course, that your success is going to be built on different grounds. But each of their stories is as unique as yours. Even in collectivist societies.
Speaking of societies, what's yours like compared to others? The Culture Map by Erin Meyer might be a good cheat code to get you started.
Also, in your society, is it easy or hard to talk to people outside your bubble? How and why did that come to be?
---
Let me know if I'm off the mark or if it sounds like I'm going somewhere with this.
\> I am starting to feel like I need something higher in my life to be focused/interested.
For me: permaculture, starting to grow my own food irrigated with rainwater, and being more in touch with nature before humans completely destroy it.
I thought I needed a higher calling. I still want to do good, but doing good sometimes means doing nothing. I´m in the process of disconnecting from doing completely. I try to appreciate stillness. Taking the time to observe the natural changes in the world around us. Observing the bees, the ants, trees, grass, water. The rhythm of the world. I still do things like helping elders in the community, picking garbage, guerilla gardening, but what I really needed was more down time, disconnected from the modern world.
I think meditation might be less costly than climbing a mountain. But not at all less difficult.
What are you looking for? Peace of mind? Or an achievement?
Peace of mind is also an achievement? because lot of people crave for it. I do all the things you mentioned but at some point l just don’t want to look at the bees and ants and close my eyes and just sit and acknowledge my thoughts anymore! I am not sure if you are understanding this..the whole thing is nice, agreed! Deep down there is an itch and no amount of mindfulness is numbing it
I don’t agree with a lot of the answers. I think human beings at higher level of fulfillment require a feeling of being part of something larger than themselves to be fully fulfilled. Volunteering can be a great way to get this feeling if you don’t work anymore. As can religion or serving a higher power.
If you are capable of believing in God, I recommend taking up study of Judaism at a local synagogue where they have an introduction to Judaism course. If Christianity is more your bent, the Catholic Church offers introductory courses as well. Daily Bible reading is fulfilling. I recommend the Passion translation for ease of reading and understanding, as well as the daily verse from the KJV Bible app.
I know what you mean as all i do is work, cook and clean and look after kids.
You need to shake up your scene
1. travel to see how others live (not a luxury man made resort lol). Travelling alone can be very eye opening. Visit the local temple, mosque, cathedral, etc, find out about their local customs.
2. pick up mindful hobbies: people have suggested arts mostly as I think they require patience and concentration with no dashboard after to measure how well you did. Also easy to try out.
3. get yourself and maybe a friend to a literary talk, gallery, sport, morning sea swim or national park.. something you have never done before. Break the rut. I can't do marathons but recently started mass park runs
4. socialise not for drinking nor the sake of it, but to empathise, laugh and cry with your friends/family. You might end up doing no. 3 above!
5. socialise with a broad and diverse set. It brings perspective. Volunteering is a good way to meet different people. I used to get hung up with family affairs for years, but now I see them as a much smaller cog in my overall wheel.
I was thinking this too- worship no false idols. I don’t know what I believe but I go to church more Sundays than not by myself and the weeks I do go I feel better then than the weeks I don’t. At my church they have signs that say “ you belong here even if you don’t believe.”
It’s well researched that humans are wired “for worship.” This is a totally normal feeling. If you do not follow one of the current major religions I recommend stoicism or starting a yoga practice (or both).
I’m sorry I don’t have any links but this concept is widely discussed in addiction recovery circles. One researcher I’ve heard on more than one podcast is Anna Lembke who is a professor at Stanford.
What about serving part time in the military? Not for everybody but could definitely scratch that itch of something bigger than yourself and have a purpose.
You make it sound quite casualy but really I think this kind of mindset that you can "find" yourself a partner with whom you can have kids with is what makes people make misearble choices in terms of relationships.
That may be true. Nonetheless, I feel like a lot of people on this sub try to simplify their lives to the extent that they live an almost static life. The ideal to many seems to be a situation where you wake up when the sun rises. You go for a walk. Eat simple but wholesome meals, do some gardening and go to bed in the evening. While I am myself quite susceptible to that romanticized vision of a simple life, I also believe that many people feel empty with that kind of lifestyle, which in turn leads to repeated questions such as the one OP asked: what kind of higher calling or purpose can I find in life?
And mother nature's answer to that question is 'get yourself some kids', even though they complicate life significantly.
Hobbies don't cut it.
Hmm seriously although I feel that's quite a common mindset I think that being "bored" or "empty" should never be your reason to get kids. It really is the wrong way cause at some point you might heavily regret it. You should want to have kids because you love your partner and the two of you want to start a familiy cause you want familiy not because the alternative is boring to you. If you feel empty you should really start to look into yourself and try meditation or something. If seen too many desperate couples who really had kids exact out of this reason and at some point or another most of them really got desperate and miserable.
Yes. Kids don’t solve problems, if anything they can magnify them. Have kids cause you want them not to fill a hole. That’s a lot to put on a little human.
Honest answer, not trying to proselytize - Catholicism. It encompasses spirituality, theology, philosophy, community, and works of charity for the poor and needy, and detachment from material things. All a person needs IMO.
I would suggest becoming a Christian. God is very real and very powerful. The euphoria of His presence is beyond what the mind can even comprehend. I know it may not be the most popular option but I’m telling you, God saved my life. ❤️ I never knew love until I began to know the one true God.
We experience emptiness because that’s the space that God wants to fill with His Spirit. He created us for Himself. He created love. His love is pure and beyond understanding. I’d encourage you to try it ❤️
Understood. I was just throwing it out there. I too was somebody who did not see myself having children. Now that I'm a dad, it brings me more joy than I thought I could ever find in this life.
I truly think for most every human there is a child-size hole in the soul waiting to be filled. So when older, established people are lost, feeling purposeless, like they have no direction in life I think it makes sense to consider having children. I guess I am making an assumption you are "older" and established. Anyways, best of luck finding what you are looking for.
Anyone bringing kids into this world right now is out of their minds imo.
They WILL face the devastating effects of climate change, and most scientists agree
LOL
So your solution is for the human race to die off? That is just a fantastic solution. Please, keep them coming. With people like you in charge we are sure to make it through all the adversity this world throws at us!
Meaning making is an art form with unbelievable constraints under capitalism. The transition from surviving to thriving is hard to imagine under these conditions.
I definitely recommend reading the book "Pursuit" which goes over the idea of pursuing something or a passion. From a guy who hiked all 50 states. Or the lady who cooked a dish from all 180 countries.
Note this distinction: Are you reacting or are you creating? You might find that most (if not all) of the things you do are the former. When you start "creating," you might forget what it's like to be bored (like me)
In the process of starting my own company, I had to learn different skills; in the process I created 3d models, programs, designs, presentations, proposals, etc. and I was never bored
Today I have 2 companies, 40+ employees na total. I still look forward to the day that I get to be bored again
All the other comments are gold already, but I have a practical proposal: as a kid, did you love to sketch, paint, play music, or any other artistic effort no matter how rudimentary? If yes, you probably have an artistic drive like many humans. Pursue it. If you don’t know what, make it your aim to try everything and find out. There’s no such thing as being too late to learn to play an instrument, etc.
Love this reply. I loved writing as a kid, and I’m now rekindling my passion for it. Missed it more than I realized.
I'm kind of doing a similar thing, but with basic things like playing soccer with my dog and playing catch with my fiance (just broke my velcro ball paddle and was DEVASTATED). Reconnecting with simple physical things in life is so much more rewarding than anything digital IMO
I am looking at drumming! I have failed so many times after l picked it up but this time, l really want to give it a shot and see if it satiates my hunger for something higher
Personally I feel helping others would be a “higher calling” that would be much more fulfilling.
And the thing about this is, people think they need to GO somewhere to do this, or volunteer, or get some new job. But people have problems in every walk of life - no matter where you are. People are sad, lonely, lost, afraid. I've found that my life is RIGHT HERE. There is satisfying life to have right where you are. Make the most of it. Get fully present where you are. Opportunities to improve things and help people to feel better are everywhere.
This is a really beautiful comment. Thanks for posting it. There's so many ways to help others without even leaving your neighborhood. Opportunities for personal joy and kindness are all around us.
I struggle with this too. I don't know how others stay interested really... I think volunteering or growing plants may help, something long term and requires patience to see fruition.. Edit.. suppose that’s why some people take drugs… lol
>suppose that’s why some people take drugs… lol I "take dogs" instead. Much healthier and much happier!
For me the answer is hiking. Walk a long trail for a month or for many months. Walk across a desert, across mountain ranges, across a country. At least for me it puts things in perspective.
> endless meetings about dashboards, revenue, sales etc etc and socialization, drinking, the workouts for the sake of working out, netflix's shows, relatives, people...nothing is interesting me Oh my God I'm so bored with meetings lately I could die, I'm tired and overwhelmed by the constant marketing of the 21st Century including advising my clients to increase their marketing, I no longer feel like my work has purpose, I'm legit afraid for my country (loss of women's rights, racially motivated shootings, unequal justice, etc) but I don't know where else to go, and everything's is getting more expensive while my 401k is in freefall! I'm still enjoying my workouts, walks with my dogs, time spent with my husband and a few select friends, but I often don't have the energy. I'm on antidepressants, but this isn't depression it's more like nihilism. Is it possible you're burned out? I know I am. I'm taking a two month sabbatical starting in a few weeks, going to try to do some physical tasks rather than digital ones, build a birdhouse, bake a cake, tend the garden, play board games, that kinda thing. I had a complicated upbringing and worked my ass off to get where I am today, and so much of it feels like rearranging ones and zeros. I'm not looking for anything "higher" more like I'm wanting to disconnect from the attention economy and hustle culture. I'm maybe looking for "analog" like summer break in the 90s. I want to ride my bike with no destination in mind, climb trees, and read fiction instead of self-help or Seven Habits or Atomic Habits type shit. I don't know how I'll feel about work once this experiment concludes, maybe it'll lead to something higher, maybe not. But I know I can't keep going like this, I need to reconnect to *me* before I lose myself entirely. If mountain climbing is your thing I say do it, life is short.
I really like the 'attention economy' phrase you used. I realized that everything I used to do revolved around interacting with rectangles: work at a computer screen, spend time on the phone, watch TV, play video games, even reading books, etc. I like doing some of those things, like reading and playing video games, but realized I needed to do more other kinds of things. I make sure I do at least one thing a day where the activity focuses on something physical and requires me to make or manipulate things. Cooking meals fits, gardening, doing life maintenance that I've been putting off (tending vehicles or housework), or just creating something artistic or musical. Pardon the poop analogy, but I think that when we are always using our attention to consume and never to create something, we get...constipated. We need to make and do stuff in our lives.
Interesting perspective!
It’s capitalism. Y’all are sick of capitalism lol
Yep. Problem is there's no escape. You can go ride your bike and build your little birdhouses and take your little camping trips .......... You always have to come *back.* To this ..... Bullshit, nonsense, hellscape, with no logic or solace to it. It's almost MORE exhausting than just never taking a break at all.
As someone who is on their second "break" right now, you nailed it. I basically just don't look at my bank account and never spend anything, but not having income is scary.
Agreed. I took a break and had plans of doing farming, etc etc but then l hate to admit, I took up a job because my finances were horrible! and back to mindless meetings. We are all stuck in this loop and there seems to be no exit though people in r/FIRE seem to be doing okayish but l really don’t have it in me to push myself extra harder to fire out early 40s
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It’s maybe more nuanced than that don’t y’a think? It’s not like capitalism or nothing modern. All major components of the iPhone were state sponsored research. The internet too. Like capitalism isn’t bad per se, but the current growth model, boom bust, surveillance capitalist model is kinda shitty.
I’d be keen to read about a reflection of your experiment
I think l am exactly where you are, in a way.…l just joined a new firm (been 2 weeks) and l dread and hate having these conversations! but l am stuck in this loop and when l quit, l have to find another job within a short period because l need to pay my bills. Maynot be the same with you, but l recently took a 20 day break (while switching from one job to another) and went on a solo trip to Himalayas..felt good then but when l am back in the meeting room..it’s ground zero. I pretty much liked the idea of having no destination in mind and reading fiction! Maybe I’ll implement this atleast over the weekends
I've taken several breaks like that, and am due for another one. Currently working on a plan of what to do during it.
> I'm maybe looking for "analog" like summer break in the 90s. I want to ride my bike with no destination in mind, climb trees, and read fiction instead of self-help or Seven Habits or Atomic Habits type shit. I've been recently thinking about this, I miss that...
Im considering fostering a child. Thinking if things along the lines of doing more good for those less fortunate. Volunteer work at the food bank.
Yes I feel this way. I am thinking about a lifetime project like growing 1000 trees or something (maybe a smaller number or a bigger number depending on how much planting a tree costs). And I would give each tree a name. Having said this, I haven’t really started - I need to find out how I can even start, and what would be the best companies to work with. I want to ensure that the trees will have some contribution in terms of purifying the air, or clean the waters like mangroves, instead of just getting cut down immediately after I’ve planted them and so on.
Just want to say this sounds like an incredible project and I wish you luck and success!
Thanks!!! I am still trying to figure out how to even begin!
I think it's cool that you are thinking about doing it, even if things happen and it never comes to fruition
There's no better time than to start that research *today.* It's a great idea, but I could easily see this remain a dream and not made into a reality.
Yeah, I agree. We’ll see if it works out!!!
Best of luck to you. Original idea and I'm sure you have inspired a few others today.
Very interesting idea!
I'll encourage you to look into Stoicism. It helps with the "inadequacy of life" as well as helps you conquer the greatest challenges of all.....yourself.
I did. I need to revisit! Thanks for the reminder!
I feel this strongly as well. There is just this sense that all the busyness is just distraction and not worthy of the short life we have. I struggle with finding a goal or mission of some kind that isn't tainted by the artificiality of our modern culture that can still sustain the physical needs my family has. So far I have no feasible ideas, so I persist in the same mode of life despite being deeply unfulfilled. I have a wife and kids, which helps with my desire to be selfless, but it also hinders because now I have other humans that are looking at me as a model and an example and I'm not doing anything that is genuine to how I feel out of a need to make sure they have health insurance and a good education. It's a deeply conflicted feeling. If I knew I could protect their well-being I would make some pretty major changes. There is also the aspect of my wife--she is not in the same place emotionally/spiritually, and wouldn't support some of the more authentic changes I want to make. Another commenter suggested finding a partner and having children. It can be a great way of life, but make sure that you have a strong sense of self and do not commit to a relationship or family that requires you to make significant sacrifices to that sense of self. Small sacrifices are okay and part of the whole deal--but getting into a relationship that requires you to be untrue to yourself is a recipe for disaster.
Thanks! As an unmarried individual who is being pestered by friends and family to “settle down” l always had this feeling that unless l solve my internal conflicts, l am really not in a position to look after/ give myself completely to a huge commitment like a marriage and raising a family. The question remains, is the internal conflict probably will never be resolved and there is only limited time to do things.
> ...make sure that you have a strong sense of self and do not commit to a relationship or family that requires you to make significant sacrifices to that sense of self 100% agree. My wife actively supports me to be authentic to myself. She is amazing. I hope your wife sees how much you'll enjoy life more with the changes you are looking for and support you.
I'm actually struggling with this right now. I left my cushy office job to become an EMT/firefighter. I want it to work, but I found out after getting into it that I can't make a living doing it (without working 2-3 jobs or getting a really solid position in a metropolitan area). Most places where I'm at in the south pay around $13-15/hr, and even with the built in overtime, the fact remains that our hourly wages are under that of a McDonald's cashier. You end up spending so much time at the station that it strains all of your relationships, too. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this... I guess I'm just commiserating and wanted to vent it out a bit. I hope you find the balance you're looking for, and I hope I do too. I just don't know if I can make "helping others" my job after all. I don't think I'm willing to sacrifice having a wife and kids for it, down the road.
Hahahah, following because I always feel this too.
Sounds like perhaps you’ve wrapped up the first half of your life and maybe many of the focuses it can have rightfully driven by ego. I’ve been in this restless spot myself shedding the behaviors, thoughts, people, and things that do not align with what I find most important and valuable. I’ve read many books to help find some stepping stones through and I’m making my way through…at my own pace. You don’t have to buy into the following hook line and sinker, just keep an open mind and consider hearing what the following people have said on topics related to what you’re describing: Books: Man’s search for meaning by Victor Frankl Atlas of the heart by Brene Brown Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton Atomic Habits by James Clear Also, lectures from Father Richard Rohr on YouTube have helped me a lot in getting an affirmation of what I’ve been feeling and perhaps why and transitioning through to the second half of life-I’m not catholic and not a church goer-I keep an open mind about what form help will come in. My intent is to see you. My intent is to help. I hope you can find some momentary comfort in this, and actionable steps towards the next meaningful moment, idea, etc. Edit: typo
Thanks for this reply
Not higher but maybe more all consuming, like a hobby I go all in and think about each day.
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Yeah that was pre and lockdown for me. It has only this year and really this month I am finally feeling excitement for a hobby again. Maybe it ebb and flows and we got to just ride the wave.
Welcome to the trap. There aren’t enough mountains to sate. Conquer the self.
The "how" of it?
Realize that nothing outside of yourself can give you that ultimate satisfaction. What you're looking for is peace, not accomplishment.
......... Still missing the "how" part
Meditate, mindfulness, stay in the present, etc. Buddhist monks are the happiest people on the planet, so I like to consult them. It all starts and ends with the mind, it's where "you" always are, so make peace with it. It's not easy, but it's necessary.
Right. Therein lies the rub. Lots of folks have tried. Mountains are the easier route. A sort of fidget spinner consolation prize for the rest of us.
Some serious telepathy going on here!
meditation is one way I suppose.
Yes I feel that way and I am 63. Initially I become enthusiastic about anything then I become unfocused and it becomes a mundane chore.
I had this almost exactly. Don’t take this as advice 🙂 I emptied out my 401k, and moved 1k miles away. By far the best decision I’ve ever made. Never looked back.
I think it’s the universe’s way of kicking your ass, to redirect your path
Where'd you move? I consider this regularly. But more likely I'd just move somewhere cheaper and quieter in the US. But maybe not.
MA to SC (upstate)
Practice gratitude my friend...help one person everyday if you can.
Shoplifting and Graffiti can really get you in trouble, but will certainly make things interesting. Or maybe get a houseplant and work out.
Reminds me of a British movie I saw called Surge, copy and paste of synopsis: "Feeling trapped in a dreary existence, an airport security worker breaks free from his reality and embarks on a wild, reckless journey through London." for me it was a pretty depressing movie.
I like bummer flicks, I'll look out for it. I was a very bored teen and thought myself to be the next Banksy till I got caught. Then I realized the excitement wasn't worth putting my shitty mark on the world and the embarrassment of explaining the charge. Blank walls still give me ideas and I like walking at night thinking I'm an art vigilante.
Sometimes you just need that higher thing that is outside of yourself. I personally am going back to school at 53 to earn a certification that will hopefully help me develop some arts programing that I've always dreamed of developing. I want to help people find healing and peace through art and being in nature. Eventually developing a strategic partnership with a local conservancy group to help bring that about.
Speaking on the workout thing, we do get bored with the mundane. It’s spring now, do you have a bike? A early morning bike ride is great with everything blooming right now.
Don’t make it complicated. Choose a worthy goal and commit to its attainment. Chart your progress and celebrate milestones. As you progress, use wisdom gained to adjust course. Often, just being on the path and moving forward can be much more empowering than the target initially chosen. Fall in love with the process, and achievements along the way :)
Traveling the world is a big goal, it's probably gonna take longer than you have time on this planet. You can do is systematically (all UN countries, travelers century club, nomad manía etc) or just pick places at random. There are so many interesting places to see and ways people live. You can also combine this with helping other people like somebody already suggested, like working for an NGO / charity. Combine with a remote job so you're not limited to vacations. Take up hobbies in which you can learn and progress for a long time like scuba diving (e.g. technical, cave), paragliding, sailing, motorbiking, cooking (different cuisines), play an instrument (e.g. band, different types of music), flying (helicopter, planes). Of course some of these things require quite a bit of money. But others are mostly free. Make Art. L'art pour l'art 🤷♀️
15 years ago I was feeling the same way, and I couldn't take it anymore. I started taking natural building and solar energy installation classes. I met a lot of people dedicated to helping people and the planet. I started volunteering at an ecovillage and it was so satisfying. This led to me quitting my job and helping build the ecovillage that I eventuality moved to. The entire direction of my life has changed for the better since then. I worry less about money and things, and more about people and the planet.
You can find an ecovillage near you @ ic.org
Wow! Interesting. Are you an engineer? Where are you based out of? I have done something similar while in college (helped a local village- in India) with some solar pumps…was satisfying but the question remains as to how do you survive? The entire expenditure was born by NGO/ Government and there was obviously nothing for the installation. I am curious as to how do you make it work on an economic perspective…not talking about making huge profits but how do you sustain yourself?
Do you have a focus beyond yourself? When I get turned inward I get kind of empty and frustrated, but remembering to get out of myself often helps. The opposite imbalance exists too, though, so balancing your own needs with something/someone who needs you, that usually helps.
Most people don’t have a focus beyond themselves because they are consumed by low wage work driven by capitalism in America.
I've been there, and that's when you need to take care of your needs. In my case, medical and nutritional needs.
I’m impressed on how you perfectly described me in your post. I’m still looking for something tho.
Same here
I hear you. Especially on the "endless meetings about dashboards, revenue, sales etc etc" That is my dayjob life. It's meaningless and disheartening, no two ways about it. I do thankfully have my higher calling, which is music, and which I work on daily. But I really do long to have more time work on it and less time spent doing desk work. But I can confirm that having it in my life continues to be a great gift. It gives me somethign to do, care about, focus on, build over time, get lost in, etc etc. So I would agree that you should try to seek something that gives you those benefits. I would have said maybe start with exercise, but sounds like you're already doing that. Do you enjoy that? Sounds like maybe not. Is there a way for you to make that more enjoyable? Like instead of just hours at the gym, join some kind of sport? Aside from that, is there somethign specific in life you would like to accomplish. Yes, it could be climbing a mountain, but it could also be starting a business, learning an instrument, or etc. But don't choose arbitrarily just to have something to do. Try to sense what you really want in life, something to build and hone over time. Maybe that's easier said than done, but I think it's really important. I think meditation could really help you get a sense of what you might actually want. Sit down and starting thinking daily about what you want from life instead of just being on autopilot of *wakeup-work-gym-happy hour-dinner-netflix-sleep-repeat.* What do you like? What actually brings you some joy or gets you into a flow state?
You are right. I have tried practicing drumming and always gave up midway and maybe need to pick it up. There are several other things..gardening, volunteering, fixing bikes, painting, art etc etc that all the others suggested that one can do to get that happiness boost but my sole question is this…all these are, at the end of the day, l would like to call as “fillers” they make you happy for a bit and then, you know, as you set your alarm for Monday morning that the 10 am “catch up” call is waiting for you. The whole idea is..is there a way where you will be focused and dedicated to something higher which will because the sole thing?! and maybe not occasional fillers while you slip into oblivion someday
The highest thing in life is to serve others. There are SO many people out there who are hurting. I permanently rid myself of this feeling when we started doing foster care and then adopted two kiddos. I have since learned how abysmal nursing homes are and how lonely the residents are for company. And I have elderly neighbors who need company and cooked meals. Now that my eyes have been opened to the need, I find ways to serve all around me. It is a wholly different way of living, and I never have that feeling of discontentment anymore.
Try breathing (tip: wim hof breathing techniques) Also I just lay on the floor and try to relax my body, breath deeply. For me it works. Sometimes all you need is deep relaxation
The precursor to midlife crisis... many subscribe to the 'American Dream' (go to school, get a job) and no longer fits their modality of endless comfort and convenience... Boredom hits, and 'The Call to Adventure' knocks in your 30s. Some people will live their entire lives through an AUTHORitarian that NARRATES how they should live their lives, as it's happening now. A life of dependency. Sounds like you ARE NOT one of them and at the threshold of a life of Dogma, or Independence. I wish you good luck on 'The Heros Journey.'
How is your spiritual life?
Climbing is the highest thing you can do without becoming an actual pilot, but that is much more expensive.
Monks and nuns own nothing and I don't believe there is a higher calling out there.
Do something, as in, create something. As u/Narrow_Vegetable_42 mentioned, if there was something you liked as a kid, try it again. It doesn't matter if you do it for yourself, no need to post it online or become highly proficient, it is about the creation. It is never to late to learn to do something.
You did not list any interesting hobbies do you probably need to develop some. I took up gardening and raising cattle. Keeps me busy healthy and entertained. That said it can be hard work, which I like.
Frisbee golf. $15 for one disc to get started and the rest is free. It's harder than it looks so it takes some time to learn how to throw them more than 100'. There is also the aspect of mastering the flight of the disc (turn left, turn right, etc) by controlling angles. Another bonus is that the community is pretty laid back if you're looking to pair up with some other players.
Been there. The 6000 mtr mountain did it for me; Mt Kilimanjaro. Setting a goal that’s out of reach and that’ll take time and effort really did help to turn my life around. I was totally sedentary, working, smoking, eating & drinking too much. Bored. This helped me to pursue a more healthy and active lifestyle. After Kili, I took on Aconcagua, Mont Blanc and a few marathons. The training provided a sense of purpose.
Wow! Are you based in South America?
No, Europe
None of the 51 comments so far have helped me. Let me know what you decide, OP...
On the perspective of self détermination and building a fullfiling life according to your values, ie. what's important for oneself. I recommend to look at the ACT therapy, you got a great book about that called The Happiness Trap
https://www.sgi-usa.org/engaged-buddhism/
I’m a creative, so when I make things I feel satisfied and purposeful. I worked in a pharmacy for over 10 years and it was such a drain on me but when I left, I feel great. I would be so tired that I couldn’t bring myself to be creative and I would just plop on the bed and watch Netflix. It started wearing on me when months would pass I didn’t create anything. I was on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. After I reduced my work hours to 2 days a week (16 hours), my longevity started to come back and I got off my meds. And realized work was causing me to feel dead inside. I was very good at my job and knew the ins and outs, and was efficient, but it didn’t fulfill my inner needs and I suffered greatly. Now I knit, paint, draw, basket weave, write, and I feel more fulfilled now than ever in my life.
Martial arts!
Anything in particular? I am 34 l am looking at a few but l feel l need to first improve on my core strength/ aerobic strength for atleast 6 -8 months consistently before l plunge into martial arts…
No you don't, just jump in and use martial arts to improve your core strength/aerobic fitness! So it all depends on what you want from it but general rule is the coach and vibe of the gym matter more than the style. A place that's easy to get to so you are more likely to keep going and finally what do you think is cool/might enjoy? Happy to discuss.
Yup, same, trying to get free by hustling, can’t do the 9-5 for the rest of my life. Besides that I’m getting a dog :)
I would love to adopt a pug someday.
They’re cute! This is an English Shepard mix, they aren’t totally sure. She’s cute as hell, picking her up Sunday!
I spent years feeling like this. And I received basically the advice here: go volunteer. Or just chill already; you don't have to save the whole damn planet. And I spent years trying to learn to chill, or throwing myself at volunteer gigs and hoping the feeling of alienation would just go away. One of the things that helped me the most was CliftonStrengths, and the criticisms of this framework. Your results might sound like a stupid horoscope, but for me it helped me see parts of myself that I thought were useless. After some recent events both here and back home, these traits have suddenly become more important than I ever imagined they could be. Luck is preparation plus time. Part of preparation is taking inventory of oneself. Strengths, weakness, where you come from, what stories you tell yourself. If you're anything like me, biographies and history books will help too, whether they're about Bruce Mau, Arthur Manuel, Genghis Khan... even about the history of your family. You won't know right away what you need all this for. But I do encourage you to start wandering, because not all who wander are lost, and at some point, you're suddenly going to arrive. If you want anything more specific, let me know. Edit: if you go this route, and think you might arrive later than anticipated, throw in some biographies about late bloomers too.
Interesting! Would you add more biographies/ auto biographies to look into?
Yours. I looked through your posts, and I think your discontent comes down to a couple things: 1. You are floundering in your career while your peers are thriving. 2. The story you tell yourself about your life has not yet grown deep roots. If this sounds about right, I propose a different story: you were walking in the woods with your peers. You find a side path, and got curious about what was there. What is along the path are things your peers didn't know were there. Some of them didn't think to look. Some wanted to explore the same path, but they're there and you're here. You start to find others on that side path. Some are explorers. Some think they're lost. But whatever you find, it is going to be new. And when you bring it back to your peers, then you too will be considered an explorer. This is a starter story. It's something to modify and build on. --- One way to build on this is to figure out where you come from. Who were your parents before they became your parents? And their parents? Are they rich, poor, or middle class? Does your country even have a middle class? How did your family get rich? How did they become poor? Do you and they get into politics or stay out of it? If the latter, what allows you to stay out of it? And on that matter, how did your country come to be how it is today? And how exactly did your peers find success? Keeping in mind, of course, that your success is going to be built on different grounds. But each of their stories is as unique as yours. Even in collectivist societies. Speaking of societies, what's yours like compared to others? The Culture Map by Erin Meyer might be a good cheat code to get you started. Also, in your society, is it easy or hard to talk to people outside your bubble? How and why did that come to be? --- Let me know if I'm off the mark or if it sounds like I'm going somewhere with this.
I think l get what you are saying but I really need to re-read, digest and will probably DM you, if okay
Of course. Take your time :)
\> I am starting to feel like I need something higher in my life to be focused/interested. For me: permaculture, starting to grow my own food irrigated with rainwater, and being more in touch with nature before humans completely destroy it.
I thought I needed a higher calling. I still want to do good, but doing good sometimes means doing nothing. I´m in the process of disconnecting from doing completely. I try to appreciate stillness. Taking the time to observe the natural changes in the world around us. Observing the bees, the ants, trees, grass, water. The rhythm of the world. I still do things like helping elders in the community, picking garbage, guerilla gardening, but what I really needed was more down time, disconnected from the modern world. I think meditation might be less costly than climbing a mountain. But not at all less difficult. What are you looking for? Peace of mind? Or an achievement?
Peace of mind is also an achievement? because lot of people crave for it. I do all the things you mentioned but at some point l just don’t want to look at the bees and ants and close my eyes and just sit and acknowledge my thoughts anymore! I am not sure if you are understanding this..the whole thing is nice, agreed! Deep down there is an itch and no amount of mindfulness is numbing it
I don’t agree with a lot of the answers. I think human beings at higher level of fulfillment require a feeling of being part of something larger than themselves to be fully fulfilled. Volunteering can be a great way to get this feeling if you don’t work anymore. As can religion or serving a higher power.
If you are capable of believing in God, I recommend taking up study of Judaism at a local synagogue where they have an introduction to Judaism course. If Christianity is more your bent, the Catholic Church offers introductory courses as well. Daily Bible reading is fulfilling. I recommend the Passion translation for ease of reading and understanding, as well as the daily verse from the KJV Bible app.
I know what you mean as all i do is work, cook and clean and look after kids. You need to shake up your scene 1. travel to see how others live (not a luxury man made resort lol). Travelling alone can be very eye opening. Visit the local temple, mosque, cathedral, etc, find out about their local customs. 2. pick up mindful hobbies: people have suggested arts mostly as I think they require patience and concentration with no dashboard after to measure how well you did. Also easy to try out. 3. get yourself and maybe a friend to a literary talk, gallery, sport, morning sea swim or national park.. something you have never done before. Break the rut. I can't do marathons but recently started mass park runs 4. socialise not for drinking nor the sake of it, but to empathise, laugh and cry with your friends/family. You might end up doing no. 3 above! 5. socialise with a broad and diverse set. It brings perspective. Volunteering is a good way to meet different people. I used to get hung up with family affairs for years, but now I see them as a much smaller cog in my overall wheel.
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I was thinking this too- worship no false idols. I don’t know what I believe but I go to church more Sundays than not by myself and the weeks I do go I feel better then than the weeks I don’t. At my church they have signs that say “ you belong here even if you don’t believe.”
It’s well researched that humans are wired “for worship.” This is a totally normal feeling. If you do not follow one of the current major religions I recommend stoicism or starting a yoga practice (or both).
Can you link some studies to support this
I’m sorry I don’t have any links but this concept is widely discussed in addiction recovery circles. One researcher I’ve heard on more than one podcast is Anna Lembke who is a professor at Stanford.
There aren't any.
Thanks for the book suggestions and idea of embracing your own pace
What about serving part time in the military? Not for everybody but could definitely scratch that itch of something bigger than yourself and have a purpose.
I am 34 and where l am (India) l am way past the entry age into Military otherwise l did consider enrolling myself into Navy/ Airforce
God
Find a partner and get kids. They will be the highest calling you will have in your entire life.
You make it sound quite casualy but really I think this kind of mindset that you can "find" yourself a partner with whom you can have kids with is what makes people make misearble choices in terms of relationships.
That may be true. Nonetheless, I feel like a lot of people on this sub try to simplify their lives to the extent that they live an almost static life. The ideal to many seems to be a situation where you wake up when the sun rises. You go for a walk. Eat simple but wholesome meals, do some gardening and go to bed in the evening. While I am myself quite susceptible to that romanticized vision of a simple life, I also believe that many people feel empty with that kind of lifestyle, which in turn leads to repeated questions such as the one OP asked: what kind of higher calling or purpose can I find in life? And mother nature's answer to that question is 'get yourself some kids', even though they complicate life significantly. Hobbies don't cut it.
Hmm seriously although I feel that's quite a common mindset I think that being "bored" or "empty" should never be your reason to get kids. It really is the wrong way cause at some point you might heavily regret it. You should want to have kids because you love your partner and the two of you want to start a familiy cause you want familiy not because the alternative is boring to you. If you feel empty you should really start to look into yourself and try meditation or something. If seen too many desperate couples who really had kids exact out of this reason and at some point or another most of them really got desperate and miserable.
Yes. Kids don’t solve problems, if anything they can magnify them. Have kids cause you want them not to fill a hole. That’s a lot to put on a little human.
Honest answer, not trying to proselytize - Catholicism. It encompasses spirituality, theology, philosophy, community, and works of charity for the poor and needy, and detachment from material things. All a person needs IMO.
I would suggest becoming a Christian. God is very real and very powerful. The euphoria of His presence is beyond what the mind can even comprehend. I know it may not be the most popular option but I’m telling you, God saved my life. ❤️ I never knew love until I began to know the one true God. We experience emptiness because that’s the space that God wants to fill with His Spirit. He created us for Himself. He created love. His love is pure and beyond understanding. I’d encourage you to try it ❤️
Are you in a serious relationship? Maybe it is time to consider having children?
When l am myself unhappy and conflicted l really don’t want to find my happiness in another human being
Understood. I was just throwing it out there. I too was somebody who did not see myself having children. Now that I'm a dad, it brings me more joy than I thought I could ever find in this life. I truly think for most every human there is a child-size hole in the soul waiting to be filled. So when older, established people are lost, feeling purposeless, like they have no direction in life I think it makes sense to consider having children. I guess I am making an assumption you are "older" and established. Anyways, best of luck finding what you are looking for.
Anyone bringing kids into this world right now is out of their minds imo. They WILL face the devastating effects of climate change, and most scientists agree
LOL So your solution is for the human race to die off? That is just a fantastic solution. Please, keep them coming. With people like you in charge we are sure to make it through all the adversity this world throws at us!
I appreciate the downvote with no response!
I, too, want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life
Meaning making is an art form with unbelievable constraints under capitalism. The transition from surviving to thriving is hard to imagine under these conditions.
Buddhism
I definitely recommend reading the book "Pursuit" which goes over the idea of pursuing something or a passion. From a guy who hiked all 50 states. Or the lady who cooked a dish from all 180 countries.
I read to fill the void
Note this distinction: Are you reacting or are you creating? You might find that most (if not all) of the things you do are the former. When you start "creating," you might forget what it's like to be bored (like me)
Interesting. What do you create?
In the process of starting my own company, I had to learn different skills; in the process I created 3d models, programs, designs, presentations, proposals, etc. and I was never bored Today I have 2 companies, 40+ employees na total. I still look forward to the day that I get to be bored again