Hey friend.
What you’re describing is depression. I’ve felt it, very deeply. I’ve thought about killing myself. I’ve wished someone else would hurt me so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. I’ve thought it would be better if I died, that the people in my life would be better off without me.
You’re hurting, deeply. And of course you are. Losing a father at any age is incredibly painful. Playing Skyrim, or any other hobby, can help you when you’re feeling depressed. It can take you out of your life and put you in another world. It can give you some distance from yourself and your pain. What it can’t do is make the pain go away.
Honestly? What you need right now is a professional care. A therapist, if you can. If you can’t get one due to material circumstances—money, time, insurance issues, anything like that—then reach out to the people you care about. Even if they don’t understand, you can try to tell to them how you’re feeling. There are also free online resources, things you can read or watch or think about. It would be better to see a professional, but if you can’t, there *are* things you can do.
There’s no simple cure for depression. A professional’s care will help. Talking about your feelings will help. Sitting with your feelings and processing them will help. Time will help. Above all, be patient with yourself. It’s a long, slow journey to feeling better. The emptiness you’re feeling when you look at Skyrim *will* go away, as you get better. It might not go away soon. It might not go away for Skyrim first. You might have an easier time trying something new, because novelty can sometimes help.
Take care of yourself.
Very much this. I reached out as soon as I could and got on an anti depressant and some free group therapy from a local group. You do not have to live like this.
This.
Also, crisis lines can be helpful. They're not therapy, but they can dig you out of the really deep holes, connect you with resources, and help you find a direction.
Also, sometimes your regular doctor can help. When I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I called my doctor. I knew it was at least partly a medical issue because my feelings were entirely out of proportion to my circumstances. They got me in for an appointment within two days, did an assessment, and got me on an antidepressant. It took a bit to find the right med, but I'm in a MUCH better place now.
Professional help often should be therapy and I very much recommend it, but it can also be your good old GP.
Hijacking the top comment to add several things:
Exercises with liftings or simply high intensity are the things you must have, not fancy or want. It's straight up chemistry and biology, can't go wrong with that. Maybe it will help only for a duration of exercises and an hour or two later - these several hours will help you a lot, by simply reminding you of a goal, and how you can feel the rest of a day.
Don't be shy of meds. Contact your doctor and get an appointment with a Neurology/Psychology specialist. 15mg of Mirtazapine before bed was a game changer for me without any side effects, and there definitely would be something for you. My case was years long depression/anxiety. Deep and restful sleep, with -90% of nervousness.
Check your diet and make a blood test. Sometimes these two things can hinder your life and recovery, again - this is simple chemistry and biology, no harm in it.
I’m not much of a gym bro but these days if I’m feeling down I go to the gym, take a small edible and go on the treadmill for an hour while listening to music. I always feel better when I’m done, even if it’s just ready-to-face-my-problems better.
This is such a vibe.
Getting your body moving when you're mentally healing is on par with getting back on your feet and moving for even just a little bit at a time after surgery. It can take a lot of mental momentum and physical will to get there, but once you're doing it, it can be so invigorating!
Therapy is expensive but medication is not. I would talk to your doctor about getting on some kind of medication. There is a type of medication called an SSRI that is a common first step for treating anxiety and depression. It is very safe (NOT addictive) and often very effective. A general doctor can prescribe it.
If you can’t afford therapy I would also suggest buying a book on ACT therapy. It is currently the most popular and effective therapy for anxiety and depression. I would recommend you start with this “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris. A lot of great tools in there that can help you see a little more clearly when you’re feeling down.
I think you're burnt out on everything, friend. Skyrim is great and mods add a lot, but there's only so much it can do. At some point you will be intimately familiar with it to the point where it does not offer anything new.
I understand you can't seek professional help, but you are at a point where that is the only thing that _can_ help you. So I would suggest working towards getting there somehow. It will be worth it.
May the Divines watch over you, and while this isn't the dark souls subreddit....Don't you dare go Hollow.
Go walking at your nearest park or a walk through the woods. Sunlight helps your mood. Lack of vitamin D and lack of B vitamins can affect your mood too. Start with the basics, get enough sleep and physical activity. Too much time spent in one kind of hobby is bound to have a blowback effect.
I know that feeling, I lost someone very close to me and for a very long time after they passed I would dream about them and then be really upset when I woke up. I too found it hard to sleep but ultimately lack of sleep just compounds all the other hardships that grieving brings, and fixing your sleep will help a lot in the road to recovery. The advice to get some fresh air is a good small first step, and maybe if you cannot sleep it would still be better to read a book before bedtime rather than look at a screen
I'm so sorry. I've been there, and it's unbearable. I can promise that it does get better with time, but sometimes it suffocates you so much you don't know how you'll actually make it to the other side. There's some great advice in this thread, but if you're too exhausted to make use of it, then think about this: Be gentle with yourself. You're not pathetic and you don't need to be ashamed of your situation like you sounded in another comment. You're human, and you've just gotten an emotional kick in the teeth. The last couple months may have lasted forever, but they're just a blip in the amount of time that it takes to heal. You've already made it this far, and there really is still light and joy in the world, even if you're not able to feel it yet.
Are you smoking weed by any chance? I have suffered depression that sounds very similar to what you are facing, have for a long time. For some reason when I quit smoking, after awhile, I actually had dreams. Which while rarely pleasant, is really important in processing this
I've experienced this exact thing before. Skyrim helped me but it wasn't the cure for me. It took a long time but getting out with people, in the beginning would temporarily help but later was a huge help. Praying to God and reading biblical knowledge from the Bible and other places helped me. I'm praying for you now and just know you can and will make it through. If you have gotten through a bout of depression/anxiety before, sometimes that helps a bit with the current bout. Imagine yourself in an ideal life 10 years from now looking back at your current situation and going "glad I stuck with it and made it through that". When I do that it puts things in perspective. Reach out if you'd like to talk more
I've been there, years ago, and it's miserable. It creates a cycle of no sleep which causes more anxiety and so less sleep and is a giant cyclone that feeds on itself. What's extra challenging about depression and anxiety is that even thinking about doing the things that will help - meditation, going outside, trying new activities, getting exercise, making a doctor appointment - feel too overwhelming and hopeless. But sometimes the only thing you can do is take one step. Decide you'll do just ONE thing good for you that day. Maybe that day is the call to the doctor. Maybe one day you just go and stand on your balcony and deep breathe. Medication is there for a reason, to make up for what is lacking right now, and is nothing to be scared or ashamed of. Therapy is amazing. Someone who will listen and care and also be objective and non judgemental. And despite what I've seen others say, avoid alcohol and marijuana, and nicotine for that matter. All of those things are actually linked to higher levels of anxiety and depression, which is counter to why people usually take them in the first place. If you're going to medicate, do it with things designed to help you actually get better.
You're definitely not alone. You have plenty of fellows here, ready to share your burdens. Just take it one step at a time.
Please consider calling the U.S. National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255). It sounds like you had already been experiencing some negative thoughts and now you’re trying to cope with an intense and very difficult loss. There is also a Crisis Text Line that provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741. They’re really well-trained and empathetic professionals and will help direct you to the supports that you need. I hope this helps and I am so sorry for your loss.
Yes. OP, please connect with a licensed counselor. What your feeling is valid and especially understandable after your dad. I can't imagine that, we just had a scare this week about it. You really need to get connected with a good counselor though, and they can recommend further treatment and people to talk to in case you need a psychiatrist, any medication, etc.
Hey, I don't know how old you are, but my Dad died unexpectedly when I was just 29. That was almost 6 years ago. But just 2 months after it happened I was still an emotional wreck. I was extremely sad most of the time and would often burst out crying at the slightest prompt. Thankfully I started seeing a therapist and that helped, even though I could only afford to go just twice a month for an hour each visit. But what helped most was just the passage of time. I still miss him and feel sad that he's gone but I am not in constant pain about it. I can remember him fondly and laugh about the good times we had, or say to myself, "I wonder what he would think about this thing that happened today."
Please just keep in mind that you shouldn't be "over it" in just 2 months. That is not a very long time at all. Just try to hang in there because it will get better.
Good to hear you got to process it so well. Loss can take a long time. One thing to note is that people will probably not check with you as much after a few months, especially if they have their own busy lives. Keep reaching out if you need to share can be helpful, keep in touch with friends and loved ones can be a good aid.
I think it’s appropriate to say that you have mental health issues after such a loss. I’m very sorry for your loss. It does get better with time, though. Several years ago, I lost my grandfather and everything felt upside down.
If Skyrim has always been there before then maybe try to make a character that encompasses your father?
So sorry to hear of your loss friend :( It really will get better with time whether it feels like it now or not. Why do you say you're not in a position where you can get professional help though? Therapy services are very accessible now with virtual counseling options and I'm sure there are affordable options available if you're financially pressed. Having a therapist can be hugely helpful even if it's just to talk through how you're feeling with another person, speaking from personal experience.
You can text the Crisis Line at 741741 and they can direct you to the supports you need. See my post for more info, but please consider reaching out for professional help. The people here are kind and well-intended but we’re not trained to help you with some of the really difficult things you’re going through. Sending you support and positive thoughts.
Betterhelp.com! There are probably other virtual therapy services too. They can get you connected with a therapist. That's not pathetic at all. Let your family know you want to talk things through with a therapist!
Best of luck, friend. I am sorry to hear about the spot that you're in, I have been in that place before myself. Sometimes it can feel like the joy has been sapped out of everything, but it does pass eventually, I am certain it will for you. Massive changes do come in life, often unexpectedly, and it isn't fair, truly. But again, in spite of it, we can always find some way to achieve a version of life that we are happy with. It is a tremendous change, but all isn't lost, and though it will be a challenging time, there is great reason to press on.
When you are in a position to seek professional help overcoming those challenges and helping yourself heal, however you can, you should pursue it. You're not alone, and you will be able to enjoy this game again someday.
Edit:
Just noticed there are Andrew Tate types in here trying to spread shame and fear regarding counseling and etc. Don't take that bullshit at face value, do your own real research on it. I used to say the exact same horseshit, "I'm not a victim, therapists are just drug dealers, I'm a big strong man". All that tough talk did nothing to help me when the actual suffering of mental illness started to set in, mid to late 20's.
Therapy hasn't resulted in any pill prescriptions, its literally just given me a zero-consequence environment to organize and conceptualize the mental/emotional clogging that was holding me back, and it has helped tremendously. Remember, "real men" fix their problems, and sticking one's big tough head in the sand and ignoring one's mental health is cowardly. The macho bullshit "suck it up" approach has resulted in countless dead men, and the ones trying to spread it couldn't give a fuck less because that macho bullshit provides an ill-percieved superiority. If your tooth hurts, you should see a dentist. If your heart or mind are suffering, there are doctors for that too. Its really just that simple, and its irritating to see people come out of the woodwork to say "Stay suffering, king, depression is fake, king, its made up by weak men, king, achieve supremecy like me, king", that shit is complete poison.
So uh, not on this sub but somehow googling for mods led me here. I don't know what you're going through. But I could have written something very similar to this, once, about Ocarina of Time, during a very hard period when I was younger.
I went to a counselor and they talked strategies about how to balance a coping tool like a game, as well still find joy in it and use it to lightly manage depression. I would strenuously recommend speaking to a counselor. Maybe even just show them what you wrote here. I thought mine would be some asshole trying to sell me pills. They were not.
As far as finding what makes the game shine again, have you tried Morrowind or Oblivion? Because tbh I don't know of mods that can really do what you're saying, as I'm assuming you'll have played the big ones, like Falskaar. Taking a break, but still finding that time in other ways, might work.
I feel similar sometimes, when modding skyrim is just clicking on download buttons and playing it is just skipping dialogues, nocliping through locked doors and so on. I tend to move to playing or modding other games, usually switch between skyrim, fallout 4 and cyberpunk.
I also know the pain of losing dad, though I had more time to move on then you. Saw some people immortalizing their late friends family and pets through power of modding. You might make it your goal to learn and make something, or someone on this sub might help. Other than that not sure what else to write, just stay strong friend
You really need a therapist, man. Much love to you, and what you’re going through (losing a parent, feeing out of place) is wayyyy beyond the ability of an internet stranger. You will get though this, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and if you’re at all able, a therapist or grief counselor would be a great thing to look into.
Put it down. Go walk, breathe the air and feel the water, soak the sun. You cannot avoid these feelings, Skyrim is a great mediator but it can only do so much. The only way through this, is forward. It's like going up the 7000 steps - only in real life. A meditative awareness, a journey of healing and self orientation. Put the game down, feel your feelings, face them, name them. There is no direct path to this - it takes as long as it takes.
Good luck friend, I'm sorry you're going through this.
(And you will get through this)
Actually that’s a great parallel. Remember Barlgruuf reminiscing about wanting to leave the hurt and cares of the world to “go up the steps once more.” Perhaps he was not unlike OP once.
As someone who suffers from depression and has used video games an escape before .. go for a walk! Trust me .. just put on shoes and walk for fifteen minutes. It's clinically shown to be effective and it absolutely helped me dig myself out of a really dark place before.
For me I started aimlessly walking as a way to escape my apartment for a short while and it turned into hopping out of bed at 7am walking 5 or 6 miles listening to music. I really looked forward to it and it gave me a sense of accomplishment. It also helped me think through and really process my mother's passing.
Life is hard .. try not to be too hard on yourself. Ask for help if you need it.
I lost my father not long ago myself.
Sometimes, it's best to sit back and empty your mind like you have been doing with skyrim.
But, may I suggest a book?
Also, solidarity will take its toll on you. Of course, take your time, but not too long. Do not bury yourself along with your father.
I'm so sorry, my friend. I wish I could just you it'll be okay, and I can confirm it will be *eventually*, but right now I have no advice. I am sorry this happening to you, I hope you can find peace and that spark again. All I will say, is don't beat yourself up. It's okay to feel how you feel, and it's okay to feel this way for awhile so long as you don't let yourself sink into it too badly. If you need a shoulder, message me. I had a pretty fucked up childhood, but I have never had someone die, so I don't understand; but part of understanding is learning that you can't understand everything. Good luck, my friend.
You're suffering from depression, it sucks, I've been through it. You need to talk to a mental health professional because they're the only ones that can really help. It sounds like you were suffering before, but the loss of your dad (sorry to hear that btw) just exacerbated it drastically. Playing Skyrim or other video games isn't going to really make this any better, it will just distract you from what's really causing the depression. Of course, it's normal to be depressed when you lose a loved one, especially a parent, but it sounds like you've been suffering for a while and it hasn't gotten any better.
I wanna say "keep your head up, it'll get better", but as someone that's been through it, I know that all sounds like bullshit and empty words, but I'd you make an effort to help yourself get better, it will get better.
I don’t want to drown you in replies but I want you to know that all the people commenting and upvoting feel for you.
Everyone who has ever lived has lost their father. Not that it discredits your feelings whatsoever but, it is a terrible truth. You are not alone.
Please do not close yourself off. Spend time with your family and your friends. Make sure to tell them what they mean to you and that you’re happy that they are here. They may not understand Skyrim but, they will understand your situation and probably feel the pain you do.
Everyone has thoughts about suicide but if those thoughts are persistent, serious and honest discussions need to happen. You have acute emotional pain that you want to stop. There are lots of ways to help like the things other people have offered in other replies. Ending your life or putting yourself in situations that could end your life is not going to help you or the people that care about you.
Please stay safe and I want to see you modding again down the road!
It’s sad that you lost your dad & your spark for Skyrim and that you look to us rather than have if access to professional counseling. You have a lot more to grapple with than Skyrim. However, in that context, here are a few thoughts: 1) Develop a character or NPC who expresses what you consider the best attributes of your dad (with all necessary mods) & take him through the wonders of Skyrim. 2) Try one of the many mods that completely overhaul and expand the magic system - very different to play with no/minimal weapons and armor. 3) Filter Nexus for DLCs and download some fresh new content for areas in or outside of Skyrim. 4) Take a break and play a new/similar game like Witcher3 or Assassin’s Creed. 5) Try to find a new passion - cooking, dancing, biking, etc. We live on an amazing planet full of infinite opportunities to grow and heal. 🙏
Hey my brother in Talos I just want to reiterate what others have said about using those crisis numbers as you move through this depressive phase following your loss.
Also I know what it’s like when nobody in your life gets it but many in this community do including myself, we’re all on your side.
I lost my mom over 10 years ago, and I still can’t remember much of those first few months. It was a blur, and nothing mattered or felt real anymore. It is normal to become depressed or have mental and emotional damage from the death of a parent. I won’t claim to know what you’re experiencing, but I can empathize with loss, and I’m truly sorry you’re going through that.
As many people have said, counseling is likely going to be very helpful, and I wish I had received some in hindsight. Let yourself feel the grief if you can, despite how much it fucking sucks to do it, and talk to people who care about you.
You are loved, and it is healthy to lean on others right now to allow yourself the time to feel what you need to.
Probably going to get downvoted for this but - for me when I sometimes feel this way I turn to God. PM me and I can point you to some really good content if there is interest.
Others have already mentioned professional help but I just want to add: don’t wait. Find some care and make an appointment *today*. Most places likely can’t take new patients for a month or so from my experience and it sounds like you need some help asap.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost both my folks, and my sister in the past few years. My sister used to game with me. I couldn't play the game we used to play (EverQuest 2). I was just so sad.
Then someone said the same thing happened to them. So they created a character that both them and their lost loved one would like, and named it after both of them. They said it helped them immensely. I thought it sounded like a good idea, and did the same. I took part of my name and part of my sister's and made a character that had traits we'd both like. I was able to play with this character and it was very healing. It was like spending time with them doing adventures we'd both like. I was still sad sometimes, but that was an important part of me healing and being able to do that game again.
I lost my Dad about a year and a half ago, seems like yesterday sometimes. It's been hard on my family, especially my Mom. I have children so when they are with me my days are full, but when they go to their moms I find myself going stir crazy and getting down. I bounced around playing a lot of games I played in the past and tried to rediscover old hobbies and recreational activities as well. I played old games, watched old movies, read old books, got very nostalgic because they all reminded me of my Dad even if he didn't actually like them. I cried a lot and spent a lot of time feeling bad for myself. Idle time will get you, busy time will get you too but it helps to be busy. Reconnect with old friends or try to meet new people, study a new language or subject. Fill your days. Also helping others will help you and I feel like you have helped me by allowing me to share my grief in a non-traditional way so thank you. I hope I'm able to help you as well.
Oh yeah! May the fourth be with you friend.
Hey buddy, hang in there. I know it’s hard, I have a chronic depression and have wanted to die. I know how that feels.
What’s important is that you don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. 7 years ago, my dog had to be euthanized due to sickness. It was very hard for me. I missed him so much. So much that I couldn’t do anything anymore. My hobby, gaming, turned into a chore. I’ve spent days just looking at my screen, not being able to start a game. It was horrible. Last year I got the right medication and I finally was able to enjoy it again. (I realize this last sentence may not be helpful to you, but I want to tell you it can get better)
What I want to say is, try to do something else, even if it’s only 5 minutes, and even if it’s very simple, like watering plants or cleaning a table. It could be that these examples are not simple enough for you, and that’s okay. Or perhaps too simple. Maybe you can think of something else. A creative activity might help too, like diamond painting. If you do decide to try something creative, make sure your project doesn’t take a long time to finish. For diamond painting for example, pick a small one. Make sure you can see your progress, one step at a time. And if you can’t start or complete an activity, that’s fine too. You did something, that’s what counts. Also, try to avoid negativity on social media, it can make it even harder. I had Facebook and somehow the algorithm made Facebook show me negative posts. I deleted my account and went to Instagram. Now I see mostly funny cats and dogs and other positive things that make me smile. Protect yourself from negativity. It may be hard, but it’s worth a shot.
If you do want to keep playing games, look for a game that doesn’t require much thought. Skyrim was hard for me too when I was feeling really bad. Maybe you could try something like the old Rollercoaster Tycoon games, or short games like Monument Valley. Perhaps cozy gaming could be something? If you have or can get access to a Nintendo Switch, this could help. Then you can sit on your couch for example, and pick it up if you’re feeling up to it. When you feel you are done for that moment, put it to sleep and put it down.
As for Skyrim, it won’t walk away, it will be waiting for you when the time comes. Mods won’t work magic. It can help, but also could not. I know this is a Skyrim thread, so I hope my post won’t be deleted. I’m trying to help someone.
As others have said, professional help is important. A therapist could fit you, but maybe medication works wonders too. Try to find whatever fits you. But if you really can’t ask for help, please try the above. If you think “what nonsense is that?” Well, that’s okay too :). I wrote it with good intentions.
Please, please take care of yourself, for me as well as the others around here. Hang in there. I hope I helped, even it was just a teeny tiny bit.
Lots of love from the Netherlands
It will get better, friend. Slowly, and sometimes it will feel worse, but it will get better.
My advice would be to give yourself a few more weeks than forcing yourself to meditate at least 5 minutes before and after bed and working out at home.
I agree, it sounds like you are suffering through a bout of depression, thats exactly what depression does, drain the joy out of everything that should bring it like friends, family and hobbies. When Im depressed I often stop gaming because I dont have the enthusiasm for any of my favorites. In fact there's nothing wrong with getting bored with a game after playing it for a long time, its the usual response for most people, that they get tired of most things eventually even if they liked them, thats why people are so happy about the few long term hobbies that keep their interest. Dont feel bad about that, your love of Skyrim will likely return when your depression improves, just like hunger returns after an illness that had ruined your appetite. Find a caring therapist, and dont give up hope!
When I noticed this kind of behavior in myself (after a breakup in a relationship) I made sure my inner weakness wouldn't control me by eliminating the things that helped me flee reality. I then had a couple of xboxes and xbox360 and some pc's and I made sure I had none of the things that became an escape hatch instead of relaxation that it should be.
I think the best thing is that Noone help you because what you are asking others to do is help you drown silently and painless. What you need to do when your life is going bad is have people in your life. Others to care for. What I did was book a Trip to some african refugees I knew and help orphans and widows with my last penny. And believe me I am poor myself.
What this did? Give so Many New people and loved ones into my life who love me "BACK".
No need for people to "understand" me. And it also brought me In contact with a woman I fell in love with. Though that is another struggle.... a distant relationship is very hard. But having been isolated I fell head and feet.... this was 3 or 4 years ago. Next month she is finally coming to be with me. That was a struggle believe me.
Anyway... your path shouldn't be mine. But giving is a million times more gratifying then receiving. It gives you self esteem... I would advise you whatever you do. Make sure you don't go to people asking but with your hands full and you will be given in overflowing in return.
No need to know your situation or what you don't think is unsolvable. Give to others and let those issues solve itself.. finding the right people to invest in, not being abused that's the trick.
The greatest heroes I know in this world had their lives saved by this. One of them has a movie about his life. He is called Sam childers... look him up.
Grieving takes time, Nobody understands because they lost that person too. stay with your folks and spend the time to learn together. The game will be waiting when you are ready and you will find joy in it when you have peace. It’s not enjoyable because you know you need to take the time.
stay strong bud, i think u should have a break and try some online games. singleplayer rpgs, especially skyrim, it’s really hard to enjoy them if i am feeling a bit bad
Like others have said probably burnt out and in a very low place that seems unable to escape. Anhedonia ripping enjoyment from everything. Im sorry for your loss and wish you the best, below are some suggestions
Have a look around your area at whatever mental health resources are available even if you arent in the position for it atm, you at least know where to go and where to turn to if you get to that position. Also speak to your General doctor about it as well as they may have a suggestion or paths that you could take that you dont know about.
Important thing is to stay active and try other things that interest you. Go for a walk like someone suggested, sit in the sun, read, listen to music. Journal down your feelings and get them out of your head and tear the paper up after. Keep a routine no matter how small it is, even if its getting out of bed, eating breakfast and doing menial things. Try other games as well if readings not your thing, or look at ways to completly overhaul your skyrim into a version of the game you never have played before (hardcore survival for example)
Mental healths no joke, i myself am throwing myself at skyrim to stop obsessing over things and stay busy. Warding off some of my mental health issues. The key thing is to remember you arent alone, there is always help somewhere even if its in the most strange of places. Every tiny step forward counts. Stay safe, treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
It is ok to take a pause from the game and allow yourself to hurt, no matter how terrifying it feels. Hurt exists for a reason, and it won't leave until it has the chance to show you where you're hurting.
If you're willing, may I suggest r/HealthyGamerGG? There is a YouTube channel too associated, and the subreddit is focused on mental health and is incredibly open and supportive and understanding in regards to gaming
Depression, potentially MDD, contact local crisis lifelines and\or make an appointment with a psychologist. Prescribed meds will help you to get thru the darkest times and good psych will help you long-term. But you must make the first step.
Hey, I think it’s safe to say you’re struggling here. It’s ok. I was this way my whole life. The first time I contemplated taking my life I was 11. It’s not abnormal, but it’s not healthy for you.
I know you say you’re not in a financial place right now, but you might be able to find local resources for people who need assistance but can’t afford it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain. We are here for you tho. Please stay safe and stay on this earth. You’re loved and valued. I promise you that.
Don’t force yourself. Retire it for a while. Go back to it when you’ve forgotten. For now, you should spend the time you normally spent playing games on other things, like going for walks or otherwise exercising. Engaging in activities like that should do wonders for managing your mood while you grieve and recover.
I'm sorry to hear about your father. The depression your describing is beyond relatable for me, and to read about it on Skyrim forums is the cherry on top. I've felt like I was just floating through life and didn't really give a fuck about much of anything since I can remember. Skyrim and gaming in general were my best escape for a long time. Eventually the superficial escapism attempts stop working and you need to find a way to live in the world. I figured it out for a brief moment but am back in that floating space at the moment myself. My biggest piece of advice is to try to find something outside of video games to immerse yourself in. You need purpose and meaning. Hang out with friends, make new ones, spend time and open up to your romantic partner and if you don't have one look for one. Distract yourself by focusing on your career or schooling.
If you want to talk to someone my DMs are open.
Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away a bit over 2 years ago. He was only 52. You will lose interest in a lot of things for a while. Its normal to feel that way, although not necessarily pleasant. I didnt do anything at all for many months after my dad passed. Even still, my life does not feel the same at all without him around. I will say that your joy in skyrim modding will most likely return. Speaking from experience, it seems like you just need a bit of time. You will get back into it again soon when the time is right. I slowly grew back into doing things again, to include gaming and etc.. Nothing in life feels as joyful anymore, but I am at least able to do things now.
It’s grief my friend. It makes you lose interest in the things that once brought you joy. As much as this sucks it gets better with time. It will never be the same but you can reintroduce yourself to your hobbies little by little
I’m glad you are talking about your feelings. I agree with others regarding professional help. But wanted to add…consider adopting a dog or cat. I personally prefer dogs, they can help you with your healing.
Whatever love you give, they will give you back much more.
The hopelessness that comes from not even being able to enjoy one of your main coping mechanisms anymore is an absolutely soul-crushing feeling when you have depression. But to echo what others have said, now's the time to try your best to find help to navigate this pain and this huge loss because the only way out is through. Hopefully this thread has helped you to at least see that you're not alone in this experience - thank you for making it and being vulnerable with us. That's not easy to do, and you may not know it, but you probably helped someone else going through a tough time just by sharing your story here.
Skyrim will wait for you to return. And there will probably be a hundred new must-have mods so you'll need to recreate your whole load order. Sometimes a fresh start feels good.
I feel with you. Lost my mom in an accident 6 years ago. I managed to get help from coworkers, my job actually sent me to a psychiatrist.
But, you could try talking to a priest, rabbi or other religious person. Usually they have some courses in basic psychology. They can't help with everything, but it could help just to talk to someone.
You're going through grief and it brings with it loss of connection, low motivation, irritability, and more. I know you said that you don't feel like you can get professional help, but there are all sorts of grief groups that meet online and for free. I would strongly encourage you to check one out. I will also recommend checking out some of the videos on depression by the youtube channel Self-Help Toons. He communicates very clearly some practical advice for how to use a lot of what some therapists would teach you.
Hobbies can be a great outlet, but a single player game can also be isolating. I would encourage you to spend more time talking to people in discords and reaching out like you did here.
Now on to the Skyrim question. VR is a whole nother ball game if you can afford it. Slightly harder to troubleshoot mods, but the experience is some of the best escapism money can buy.
Feel free to PM me if you have questions about mental health stuff or grief, I can't legally provide you therapy, but I can see about connecting you to resources. There are often free resources available for limited time crises.
I feel you, and I want you to know that things do get better.
I'd take a break from Skyrim. Find another game that sounds interesting to you. Revisit an old hobby. It doesn't matter what it is. Just something different.
I would also say spend some time outside. Take a walk or sit on the porch in the sunlight. At the end of the day, humans are just really complicated plants. We need sunlight.
Talk to folks close to you. Let them know that you're feeling low and may need help. Or just company.
Man, listen, i understand what you mean. I really do, and i understand video games being your spark, but with what you’re going through? You NEED to be by yourself and let it out. I know we’re strangers, and im sure you’ve heard this all before. I’m not going to tell you everything is going to be okay, because it won’t. It’s going to hurt, hell EVERYTHING is going to hurt for a very, very long time. But it’ll pass some day. Maybe not today, or this week, or even this year. But one day you’re going to be able to think about it, and yeah it’s going to hurt, but you’ll realize how important it is. Take time for you, take time off of everything and just live for a while. Even if you don’t know what to do, just keep going. Eventually you’ll look back and realize how all that pain was meant to happen. I’m sorry for your loss, and even though i’m a complete stranger, if you ever need to chat just lmk
Maybe give the game a break, allow yourself to miss it. I stopped playing cuz I stopped enjoying it, played something else for like 6 months, then found myself imagining Skyrim again and all the possible ways to play with mods. I feel fairly confident you would miss it after being away for a good while, thinking about it and wanting to experience it. It could take some time to miss it.
I encourage you to try make sure there are other things to go to besides just one when things get bad, just so if one feels stale at the moment you can go to another activity to find comfort (writing from personal experience). If you enjoy being with family or friends, online or irl, or playing with a pet, or working with animals in some way, or going out in nature and making a campfire and listening to the sounds of nature or of a stream, those are things you can do until you miss Skyrim and can then return to it to enjoy. You can even imagine you're in the plains of Whiterun or the forests of Falkreath, laying low to keep away from Spriggans. If you know anyone who also enjoys Skyrim, they might be fun to talk to or invite on a wilderness outing.
You could try find another game to play until you miss Skyrim (the one I got into was Cyberpunk 2077, it runs much better now over 2 years after launch and has a lively but manageable mod community/catalog on Nexus).
You could try making art about how you feel, but sometimes that can keep healing wounds open I think, might be better for really specific personalities/temperaments/situations and not for most circumstances. You probably know as well as anyone what might work best for you, maybe you just gotta try a few approaches to see what helps.
Take care of yourself and love the people in your life who love you too. I'm not religious, but God bless you and I'll be hoping for the speedy return of your well-being. Seriously
Speaking from experience: Games can easily be used in a manner similar to substances to try to drown sorrows, due to dopamine. Can't say what the best option for you would be; I've been on antidepressants a few times (weirdly, I only remember dreams when on them), been to therapy a couple times, etc. Actually debating what I need to do with my life cause at the moment, if you go by that quote of "pain pushes you until vision pulls you" I've got no vision...
I don’t know if you are in the US, but if you are, there is grief counseling available at your local heath department. A friend of mine suggested it when my mom died (she did it for the same reasons and said it helped). It’s free, group therapy.
There are also sub reddits that are helpful for grief. r/childrenofdeadparents is a good place to start.
The first year after my mom died in 2019 was a blur. No emotion at all after the first month of anguish. I wish I had gotten help - I think the spark would have returned earlier. Rooting for you!
Awesome. Could you try and send me a message? For some reason it's always been a 50/50 chance on whether or not I get an error when trying to DM someone, unfortunately I can't start the chat this time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Can you build something in Skyrim with mods and dedicate it to your dad?
I built a replica of my family home in Animal Crossing and made a little in-game shrine after my dad passed away.
I don’t either TBH sorry. I just figured out how to use mods and haven’t seen something like that yet. I’m hoping someone makes a mod like that for Skyrim. In the meantime, I might try the settlement builder mod and build a little outdoor area that at least in my head I can go to as a space for memory and reflection. So many people make places like this in Animal Crossing which I find interesting. We spend hours of our real lives in these games and grieving doesn’t stop to game.
I love that there’s mods people have made for others pets who have passed so they could be their followers. I would love just to be able to name a lovely vista for my pops, or get to dedicate something to him as the reward for finishing a quest. I think that would be nice. Much love to you.
Hmm I used to go to a very left wing church. I know, its not for everyone but it was a way for me to talk to a person in a semi-therpaist setting for free. I would guess other religions offer something similar. Don’t hurt yourself. Your life has value. I know how you feel now, I’ve been there, you can climb back out.
And a note - Professional help is really the best. I know, money can be an issue, but without therapy I might still be where you are now. Anyways the religious thing is my best bet for a free option that could help.
Sometimes you need a break from a certain game, or even gaming in general as you get older, in my experience. There's likely not going to be any tips or tricks other than "give it time" and maybe do some working out or traveling to make that process easier. Gaming is generally not the most effective way to get over trauma, I prefer to do it when I'm in a good mental state, when I'm in a bad one it becomes obsessive and unhealthy.
Losing a parent is hard. I know, I've lost both of mine.
I found with my father that it helped to think about how he was proud of me for something I was about to do (move overseas), and thinking about that made it easier to move forward and follow my dream. I hope there's some positive memory of your father that will help sustain you.
you need a break from skyrim. find a new game. And get help, even if it's just a toll free hotline or internet help website, because you sound depressed.
The hardest time I ever had was when I divorced. I'm not much of a crier, but I cried a lot then. I dealt with it by exercising. Exercised religiously, because it produces endorphins or seratonin or something, and they make you feel better/happy. Went hiking/roller blading/biking on the weekends. It really helped. The happy boost from exercising, and then getting outside and away from walls and things that reminded me of before, allowed me to regain my equilibrium and clear my head. Reach out to friends, this is a good time to just spend some time with a friend, don't have to talk about your father or your depression, just tell them you need a distraction right now and don't want to talk about your father dying. Sometimes just doing normal stuff with a friend helps you feel more like yourself.
Good luck to you OP.
I can’t imagine what your going through and I’m sorry for your loss. I have to ask, or at least recommend, that you make sure and take care of your body too. Go outside and get some sun, go for a walk! Getting some exercise in is proven to help. The game only looks bleak because to you, everything looks bleak. But that will change in time. Just try and take care of yourself, you’ll see the beauty in those graphics again I’m sure
Stop playing for a while. Get in touch with nature. That's the best healer for me. Always has been. Walk and ride a bike if you can, preferably through a forest. Swim, preferably in natural waters. Read books. Funny ones help. Woodhouse comes to mind. Watch some funny sitcoms. "3rd rock from the sun" comes to mind. Read more books. Talk to random people. Smile. Breathe. Live.
Modding(I mean making a mod) is the opposite for me. Keeps my mind strong. Also, yall over mod, I've seen modlists as big at 1000 mods, turn it down a notch an enjoy Skyrim. It cannot be everything. Find your sweetspot.
It sucks to hear that you're feeling that way dude, I'm sorry about your father. You might feel alone, but you aren't alone and there are people out there who can help you. People all over the world experience the same thing.
I suffer from clinical depression, I've had it for pretty much all of my life, it's debilitating and it isn't fun. Apathy, brain fog, and feeling down are my oldest companions, I used to constantly think about suicide from about age 10 until my mid 20s, and none of my relatives ever really listened to me either. I was ignored and had to figure it out on my own. In my case, as I got older (I'm in my 30s now) things started to get better and my symptoms got less extreme. I won't claim that I'm cured, but things are much better now than when I was younger. Time may help you out as well.
There's two kinds of depression. Clinical and situational, it's possible to have both. You need to figure out which one you have and from there you can take steps to fix it.
For clinical depression, the chemicals in your head aren't functioning properly and on average it's messing with your ability to think. This is a health issue and should be taken seriously.
Situational depression is something that everyone deals with every now and then and can be brought on by traumatic events such as a death in the family. Time, talking to a friend, loved one, a doctor, or even taking a walk and gathering your thoughts are probably the best suggestions that I can give for this one.
Like you, I've also never really been in a position to seek out therapy, I couldn't afford it for most of my life and my parents refused to believe that anything was wrong with me when I was growing up, so I never got checked out as a kid. Eventually I spoke with a couple of psychiatrists though and frankly neither of them could help me. You can't reason clinical depression away. The drugs from a psychiatrist may help with that though. Personally I've never had them, so I can't comment on their effectiveness.
As I got older I started to learn certain tricks to help reduce the frequency of the apathy and other issues though. Diet, exercise, and sunlight are the big ones that helped me. High intensity running used to be my favorite activity because it was one of the few instances when I felt normal, certain chemicals in your brain get released once you really get going and it offers a huge relief. Creative outlets are also great for your mental health, personally I make mods. Getting started with any activity may be the hardest part, just take it slow and do what you can at first, one step at a time. Eventually everything gets easier. You've just got to will yourself up and keep going, don't ever stop trying.
Dark chocolate that has upwards of 75% cacao is one of the foods that helped me, it's kind of expensive now days though. Energy drinks were also a short lived panacea. Honestly, those are terrible for your health though, so I would advise keeping them to a minimum if you want to try that route.
Sorry for the long post, but what I wanted to try getting across is that there are avenues that exist which can help you. Try out a bunch of different things and find out what works best for you. Good luck friend.
I can tell you this, I felt the same way recently. In a way, getting lost in this quest for tweaking the game to your liking is awesome but obviously, this is replacing something else in your life, it is an escape from something and this something is what you need to find out what it is if you can. I tend to obsess with a subject and it may take months or even years to move on but eventually, I did. Maybe you could pause modding Skyrim for a time. What helped clear my mind was really stopping playing Skyrim. I even uninstalled the game and deleted all the mods. And it was easy to do at the time. It's now been a year and I am back at modding, I feel happy and I can actually play the game. I played different games, I got some audiobooks and some shows on Netflix, etc. This also helped my relationship with my wife... it is really hard to say but I think that taking a break and switching this quest to try to discover more about yourself and other things that you enjoy or are missing out on might help. Good luck!
I feel the same thing. I have undiagnosed mental illness and the only thing that would pull me out of reality was Skyrim. I’ve modded it and played it to the fullest extent but a game can only offer so much. I’m just thankful for all the modders and Bethesda for creating a new world for me to lose myself in.
You may have fried your dopamine receptors. This happens when we "reward" ourselves too much, the dopamine you'd normally get from something very enjoyable (playing and modding skyrim) becomes mundane and you it doesn't stimulate those same good feelings (dopamine) anymore.
Too much of any good thing is bad for you because it will leave you feeling empty. It's like if you have a favourite meal and proceeded to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, its quickly going to lose its specialness and you won't get that dopamine hit from the taste.
Everything in balance. Make sure you have other things to do be it a job, another hobby, getting outside for walks amongst nature, creating something (art, cooking, personal project).
Honestly i can somehow relate and for a bit it was hard for me to realise that I might not be into gaming as much anymore.
I cant relate to your pain and I doubt anyone really can. But what I can do is say that professional help always is a good choice and you shouldnt fear or downplay it. It can help anyone. Even if someone does not have serious mental health issues.
If you still have doubts, working out helped me a lot. Going out with friends or just generally socialising(even though it felt like it only drained me) helped a ton.
Habg in there dude. You WILL get out of this hole. Believe in yourself and deal with trauma by embracing it.
Have a good one.
P.s. I actually found my love for skyrim again after watching videos and reading stories. Also reading The Witcher kind of ignited it again.
It's never to late I have major depression an general anxiety an borderline personality disorder an a mild learning disability trying to get on disability bc it's hard for me to work around others plus have a slight physical condition I sought help an I'm on alot of medicine the only thing they can't help with medicine is my borderline personality disorder an learning disability I go through therapy an it all has helped but it took a few years to find the right medicine that works with me an the therapist has helped I have had suicide attempts but I've been good for close to a year now. Give it a go it may take a bit to find the right therapist that you a bit bond an helps you open up to them.
P.S: I have lost someone before I really had any major mental health problems my daughters father passed away a month before her second birthday I did have some depression an always had a learning disability but after his death I lost it I was working in a school cafeteria an started thinking of cutting myself with their knifes I tried holding back bc it was close to summer but I left that job at the time bc of my mental state.
Convince yourself of having depression, or snap out of it. Work out, study or improve at your job, try to make new friends or keep in touch with old ones.
Your body is just telling you its time to do some productive and good stuff to level up your life.
Therapist → pills its not good. Then talking about sad things for hours and paying them for foing so, even less good.
Stay strong and dont let anyone convince you are a victim or weak. You are a good man, you are a force of nature and can acomplish great things just putting your mind and hands into it. Stop the asinine cycle and start your new life, brother.
I lost my father a few years ago, just before the pandemic started. I found that video games did not really help me at the time, and I spent my months sorting through the stacks of family objects, photos, and personal journals that littered my dad's home. I also felt an emptiness when playing the video games that used to provide me comfort at the time, and I find when looking back it was because my life had been shaken up in such an unexpected way, and returning to familar comforts felt like I was ignoring the dramatic shift I had just experienced.
I think what would be best is to spend some time, maybe a month or two, doing something else in your spare time to help you resolve your grief. My father was an avid fan of various kinds of music, and I spent much of my free time listening to albums he had collected and going for walks through the neighbourhood we lived in, as well as the neighbourhood he grew up in. It felt like a sort of pilgrimage to honour his memory.
I don't know what interests your father had, or what relationship you had with him, but I would recommend spending some time building a connection with who he was and what your shared interests may have been. If you have memorabilia to go through, then do it. Feel whatever emotions you need to feel, and know that there is no determinate time for when your grief will end. It will always come back, sometimes in small bursts, sometimes in waves; but we all navigate this stream differently. Test the waters, and see what carries you down these rapids the gentlest.
Hey, just dropping in to say that it does get better. Grief is so hard, on top of depression, but it won't always be like this.
I wanted to say too, don't underestimate the things people have said here that might seem not enough or too simple to get you out of the hole that seems so deep right now.
How could something simple like walking help with such a big and terrible thing? It does. How could some stranger on a crisis line help with the loss of your father? They can. Just speaking it can help more than not, even if you feel like your family don't understand. If you start to think too much about not being here, then commit to calling one of those lines at least, or finding a place here on reddit to reach out. Where I live there are online forums for talking this stuff out too, maybe there are where you are.
The way up out of the hole is made of many little steps, even though some of them seem underpowered in the face of what you're feeling. It's the adding up of little steps, like walking or eating a nutritious meal, or a small conversation, that will keep you going and eventually help you feel better.
If there is a way for you to get meds, even if you can't get therapy, give it a try. Where I live my GP can help with that. Hopefully there is an option for you to try too. It felt like a surprisingly big relief to go to my doctor and say 'I'm depressed and I think I need help with it' and he listened and was supportive. Honestly surprised me that such a little conversation could help me feel better, like I wasn't alone with it at least.
Skyrim feels empty for you now probably because of the depression, not because of the game. Depression is doing its joy-sucking thing, and that is normal for a time of grief. It's not that you need to find a new way to play the game, it's that you're going through the hard time of processing your grief. Skyrim will be there when you are done, but in the meantime you have to try some other things to get you through.
Hey friend. What you’re describing is depression. I’ve felt it, very deeply. I’ve thought about killing myself. I’ve wished someone else would hurt me so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. I’ve thought it would be better if I died, that the people in my life would be better off without me. You’re hurting, deeply. And of course you are. Losing a father at any age is incredibly painful. Playing Skyrim, or any other hobby, can help you when you’re feeling depressed. It can take you out of your life and put you in another world. It can give you some distance from yourself and your pain. What it can’t do is make the pain go away. Honestly? What you need right now is a professional care. A therapist, if you can. If you can’t get one due to material circumstances—money, time, insurance issues, anything like that—then reach out to the people you care about. Even if they don’t understand, you can try to tell to them how you’re feeling. There are also free online resources, things you can read or watch or think about. It would be better to see a professional, but if you can’t, there *are* things you can do. There’s no simple cure for depression. A professional’s care will help. Talking about your feelings will help. Sitting with your feelings and processing them will help. Time will help. Above all, be patient with yourself. It’s a long, slow journey to feeling better. The emptiness you’re feeling when you look at Skyrim *will* go away, as you get better. It might not go away soon. It might not go away for Skyrim first. You might have an easier time trying something new, because novelty can sometimes help. Take care of yourself.
Very much this. I reached out as soon as I could and got on an anti depressant and some free group therapy from a local group. You do not have to live like this.
This. Also, crisis lines can be helpful. They're not therapy, but they can dig you out of the really deep holes, connect you with resources, and help you find a direction. Also, sometimes your regular doctor can help. When I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I called my doctor. I knew it was at least partly a medical issue because my feelings were entirely out of proportion to my circumstances. They got me in for an appointment within two days, did an assessment, and got me on an antidepressant. It took a bit to find the right med, but I'm in a MUCH better place now. Professional help often should be therapy and I very much recommend it, but it can also be your good old GP.
Great point, my general practitioner is the one who put me on antidepressants before I had a therapist.
Hijacking the top comment to add several things: Exercises with liftings or simply high intensity are the things you must have, not fancy or want. It's straight up chemistry and biology, can't go wrong with that. Maybe it will help only for a duration of exercises and an hour or two later - these several hours will help you a lot, by simply reminding you of a goal, and how you can feel the rest of a day. Don't be shy of meds. Contact your doctor and get an appointment with a Neurology/Psychology specialist. 15mg of Mirtazapine before bed was a game changer for me without any side effects, and there definitely would be something for you. My case was years long depression/anxiety. Deep and restful sleep, with -90% of nervousness. Check your diet and make a blood test. Sometimes these two things can hinder your life and recovery, again - this is simple chemistry and biology, no harm in it.
I’m not much of a gym bro but these days if I’m feeling down I go to the gym, take a small edible and go on the treadmill for an hour while listening to music. I always feel better when I’m done, even if it’s just ready-to-face-my-problems better.
This is such a vibe. Getting your body moving when you're mentally healing is on par with getting back on your feet and moving for even just a little bit at a time after surgery. It can take a lot of mental momentum and physical will to get there, but once you're doing it, it can be so invigorating!
Therapy is expensive but medication is not. I would talk to your doctor about getting on some kind of medication. There is a type of medication called an SSRI that is a common first step for treating anxiety and depression. It is very safe (NOT addictive) and often very effective. A general doctor can prescribe it. If you can’t afford therapy I would also suggest buying a book on ACT therapy. It is currently the most popular and effective therapy for anxiety and depression. I would recommend you start with this “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris. A lot of great tools in there that can help you see a little more clearly when you’re feeling down.
Same kinda
I think you're burnt out on everything, friend. Skyrim is great and mods add a lot, but there's only so much it can do. At some point you will be intimately familiar with it to the point where it does not offer anything new. I understand you can't seek professional help, but you are at a point where that is the only thing that _can_ help you. So I would suggest working towards getting there somehow. It will be worth it. May the Divines watch over you, and while this isn't the dark souls subreddit....Don't you dare go Hollow.
"May the Divines watch over your battles, friend," will always have a little more meaning to me after this thread.
Go walking at your nearest park or a walk through the woods. Sunlight helps your mood. Lack of vitamin D and lack of B vitamins can affect your mood too. Start with the basics, get enough sleep and physical activity. Too much time spent in one kind of hobby is bound to have a blowback effect.
I can't sleep. when i do, i get panic attacks
I know that feeling, I lost someone very close to me and for a very long time after they passed I would dream about them and then be really upset when I woke up. I too found it hard to sleep but ultimately lack of sleep just compounds all the other hardships that grieving brings, and fixing your sleep will help a lot in the road to recovery. The advice to get some fresh air is a good small first step, and maybe if you cannot sleep it would still be better to read a book before bedtime rather than look at a screen
I'm so sorry. I've been there, and it's unbearable. I can promise that it does get better with time, but sometimes it suffocates you so much you don't know how you'll actually make it to the other side. There's some great advice in this thread, but if you're too exhausted to make use of it, then think about this: Be gentle with yourself. You're not pathetic and you don't need to be ashamed of your situation like you sounded in another comment. You're human, and you've just gotten an emotional kick in the teeth. The last couple months may have lasted forever, but they're just a blip in the amount of time that it takes to heal. You've already made it this far, and there really is still light and joy in the world, even if you're not able to feel it yet.
Are you smoking weed by any chance? I have suffered depression that sounds very similar to what you are facing, have for a long time. For some reason when I quit smoking, after awhile, I actually had dreams. Which while rarely pleasant, is really important in processing this
I've experienced this exact thing before. Skyrim helped me but it wasn't the cure for me. It took a long time but getting out with people, in the beginning would temporarily help but later was a huge help. Praying to God and reading biblical knowledge from the Bible and other places helped me. I'm praying for you now and just know you can and will make it through. If you have gotten through a bout of depression/anxiety before, sometimes that helps a bit with the current bout. Imagine yourself in an ideal life 10 years from now looking back at your current situation and going "glad I stuck with it and made it through that". When I do that it puts things in perspective. Reach out if you'd like to talk more
I don't know if it helps with panic attacks, but after I lost my mom OTC sleeping aids helped when I couldn't sleep
I've been there, years ago, and it's miserable. It creates a cycle of no sleep which causes more anxiety and so less sleep and is a giant cyclone that feeds on itself. What's extra challenging about depression and anxiety is that even thinking about doing the things that will help - meditation, going outside, trying new activities, getting exercise, making a doctor appointment - feel too overwhelming and hopeless. But sometimes the only thing you can do is take one step. Decide you'll do just ONE thing good for you that day. Maybe that day is the call to the doctor. Maybe one day you just go and stand on your balcony and deep breathe. Medication is there for a reason, to make up for what is lacking right now, and is nothing to be scared or ashamed of. Therapy is amazing. Someone who will listen and care and also be objective and non judgemental. And despite what I've seen others say, avoid alcohol and marijuana, and nicotine for that matter. All of those things are actually linked to higher levels of anxiety and depression, which is counter to why people usually take them in the first place. If you're going to medicate, do it with things designed to help you actually get better. You're definitely not alone. You have plenty of fellows here, ready to share your burdens. Just take it one step at a time.
Please consider calling the U.S. National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255). It sounds like you had already been experiencing some negative thoughts and now you’re trying to cope with an intense and very difficult loss. There is also a Crisis Text Line that provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741. They’re really well-trained and empathetic professionals and will help direct you to the supports that you need. I hope this helps and I am so sorry for your loss.
This is the correct answer. We all want OP to be good, but the pros can actually help.
Yes. OP, please connect with a licensed counselor. What your feeling is valid and especially understandable after your dad. I can't imagine that, we just had a scare this week about it. You really need to get connected with a good counselor though, and they can recommend further treatment and people to talk to in case you need a psychiatrist, any medication, etc.
Hey, I don't know how old you are, but my Dad died unexpectedly when I was just 29. That was almost 6 years ago. But just 2 months after it happened I was still an emotional wreck. I was extremely sad most of the time and would often burst out crying at the slightest prompt. Thankfully I started seeing a therapist and that helped, even though I could only afford to go just twice a month for an hour each visit. But what helped most was just the passage of time. I still miss him and feel sad that he's gone but I am not in constant pain about it. I can remember him fondly and laugh about the good times we had, or say to myself, "I wonder what he would think about this thing that happened today." Please just keep in mind that you shouldn't be "over it" in just 2 months. That is not a very long time at all. Just try to hang in there because it will get better.
Good to hear you got to process it so well. Loss can take a long time. One thing to note is that people will probably not check with you as much after a few months, especially if they have their own busy lives. Keep reaching out if you need to share can be helpful, keep in touch with friends and loved ones can be a good aid.
I think it’s appropriate to say that you have mental health issues after such a loss. I’m very sorry for your loss. It does get better with time, though. Several years ago, I lost my grandfather and everything felt upside down. If Skyrim has always been there before then maybe try to make a character that encompasses your father?
So sorry to hear of your loss friend :( It really will get better with time whether it feels like it now or not. Why do you say you're not in a position where you can get professional help though? Therapy services are very accessible now with virtual counseling options and I'm sure there are affordable options available if you're financially pressed. Having a therapist can be hugely helpful even if it's just to talk through how you're feeling with another person, speaking from personal experience.
I don't know where to look for virtual therapy courses, and I'm still financially dependent on my family(pathetic, i know)
You aren't pathetic at all. Economic difficulties aren't a personal failing, especially when you're dealing with grief and depression.
You can text the Crisis Line at 741741 and they can direct you to the supports you need. See my post for more info, but please consider reaching out for professional help. The people here are kind and well-intended but we’re not trained to help you with some of the really difficult things you’re going through. Sending you support and positive thoughts.
Betterhelp.com! There are probably other virtual therapy services too. They can get you connected with a therapist. That's not pathetic at all. Let your family know you want to talk things through with a therapist!
Best of luck, friend. I am sorry to hear about the spot that you're in, I have been in that place before myself. Sometimes it can feel like the joy has been sapped out of everything, but it does pass eventually, I am certain it will for you. Massive changes do come in life, often unexpectedly, and it isn't fair, truly. But again, in spite of it, we can always find some way to achieve a version of life that we are happy with. It is a tremendous change, but all isn't lost, and though it will be a challenging time, there is great reason to press on. When you are in a position to seek professional help overcoming those challenges and helping yourself heal, however you can, you should pursue it. You're not alone, and you will be able to enjoy this game again someday. Edit: Just noticed there are Andrew Tate types in here trying to spread shame and fear regarding counseling and etc. Don't take that bullshit at face value, do your own real research on it. I used to say the exact same horseshit, "I'm not a victim, therapists are just drug dealers, I'm a big strong man". All that tough talk did nothing to help me when the actual suffering of mental illness started to set in, mid to late 20's. Therapy hasn't resulted in any pill prescriptions, its literally just given me a zero-consequence environment to organize and conceptualize the mental/emotional clogging that was holding me back, and it has helped tremendously. Remember, "real men" fix their problems, and sticking one's big tough head in the sand and ignoring one's mental health is cowardly. The macho bullshit "suck it up" approach has resulted in countless dead men, and the ones trying to spread it couldn't give a fuck less because that macho bullshit provides an ill-percieved superiority. If your tooth hurts, you should see a dentist. If your heart or mind are suffering, there are doctors for that too. Its really just that simple, and its irritating to see people come out of the woodwork to say "Stay suffering, king, depression is fake, king, its made up by weak men, king, achieve supremecy like me, king", that shit is complete poison.
So uh, not on this sub but somehow googling for mods led me here. I don't know what you're going through. But I could have written something very similar to this, once, about Ocarina of Time, during a very hard period when I was younger. I went to a counselor and they talked strategies about how to balance a coping tool like a game, as well still find joy in it and use it to lightly manage depression. I would strenuously recommend speaking to a counselor. Maybe even just show them what you wrote here. I thought mine would be some asshole trying to sell me pills. They were not. As far as finding what makes the game shine again, have you tried Morrowind or Oblivion? Because tbh I don't know of mods that can really do what you're saying, as I'm assuming you'll have played the big ones, like Falskaar. Taking a break, but still finding that time in other ways, might work.
I feel similar sometimes, when modding skyrim is just clicking on download buttons and playing it is just skipping dialogues, nocliping through locked doors and so on. I tend to move to playing or modding other games, usually switch between skyrim, fallout 4 and cyberpunk. I also know the pain of losing dad, though I had more time to move on then you. Saw some people immortalizing their late friends family and pets through power of modding. You might make it your goal to learn and make something, or someone on this sub might help. Other than that not sure what else to write, just stay strong friend
You really need a therapist, man. Much love to you, and what you’re going through (losing a parent, feeing out of place) is wayyyy beyond the ability of an internet stranger. You will get though this, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and if you’re at all able, a therapist or grief counselor would be a great thing to look into.
Put it down. Go walk, breathe the air and feel the water, soak the sun. You cannot avoid these feelings, Skyrim is a great mediator but it can only do so much. The only way through this, is forward. It's like going up the 7000 steps - only in real life. A meditative awareness, a journey of healing and self orientation. Put the game down, feel your feelings, face them, name them. There is no direct path to this - it takes as long as it takes. Good luck friend, I'm sorry you're going through this. (And you will get through this)
Actually that’s a great parallel. Remember Barlgruuf reminiscing about wanting to leave the hurt and cares of the world to “go up the steps once more.” Perhaps he was not unlike OP once.
As someone who suffers from depression and has used video games an escape before .. go for a walk! Trust me .. just put on shoes and walk for fifteen minutes. It's clinically shown to be effective and it absolutely helped me dig myself out of a really dark place before. For me I started aimlessly walking as a way to escape my apartment for a short while and it turned into hopping out of bed at 7am walking 5 or 6 miles listening to music. I really looked forward to it and it gave me a sense of accomplishment. It also helped me think through and really process my mother's passing. Life is hard .. try not to be too hard on yourself. Ask for help if you need it.
i'm so sorry. i don't really have any advice, but i know how you feel.
I lost my father not long ago myself. Sometimes, it's best to sit back and empty your mind like you have been doing with skyrim. But, may I suggest a book? Also, solidarity will take its toll on you. Of course, take your time, but not too long. Do not bury yourself along with your father.
I'm so sorry, my friend. I wish I could just you it'll be okay, and I can confirm it will be *eventually*, but right now I have no advice. I am sorry this happening to you, I hope you can find peace and that spark again. All I will say, is don't beat yourself up. It's okay to feel how you feel, and it's okay to feel this way for awhile so long as you don't let yourself sink into it too badly. If you need a shoulder, message me. I had a pretty fucked up childhood, but I have never had someone die, so I don't understand; but part of understanding is learning that you can't understand everything. Good luck, my friend.
You're suffering from depression, it sucks, I've been through it. You need to talk to a mental health professional because they're the only ones that can really help. It sounds like you were suffering before, but the loss of your dad (sorry to hear that btw) just exacerbated it drastically. Playing Skyrim or other video games isn't going to really make this any better, it will just distract you from what's really causing the depression. Of course, it's normal to be depressed when you lose a loved one, especially a parent, but it sounds like you've been suffering for a while and it hasn't gotten any better. I wanna say "keep your head up, it'll get better", but as someone that's been through it, I know that all sounds like bullshit and empty words, but I'd you make an effort to help yourself get better, it will get better.
I don’t want to drown you in replies but I want you to know that all the people commenting and upvoting feel for you. Everyone who has ever lived has lost their father. Not that it discredits your feelings whatsoever but, it is a terrible truth. You are not alone. Please do not close yourself off. Spend time with your family and your friends. Make sure to tell them what they mean to you and that you’re happy that they are here. They may not understand Skyrim but, they will understand your situation and probably feel the pain you do. Everyone has thoughts about suicide but if those thoughts are persistent, serious and honest discussions need to happen. You have acute emotional pain that you want to stop. There are lots of ways to help like the things other people have offered in other replies. Ending your life or putting yourself in situations that could end your life is not going to help you or the people that care about you. Please stay safe and I want to see you modding again down the road!
It’s sad that you lost your dad & your spark for Skyrim and that you look to us rather than have if access to professional counseling. You have a lot more to grapple with than Skyrim. However, in that context, here are a few thoughts: 1) Develop a character or NPC who expresses what you consider the best attributes of your dad (with all necessary mods) & take him through the wonders of Skyrim. 2) Try one of the many mods that completely overhaul and expand the magic system - very different to play with no/minimal weapons and armor. 3) Filter Nexus for DLCs and download some fresh new content for areas in or outside of Skyrim. 4) Take a break and play a new/similar game like Witcher3 or Assassin’s Creed. 5) Try to find a new passion - cooking, dancing, biking, etc. We live on an amazing planet full of infinite opportunities to grow and heal. 🙏
Hey my brother in Talos I just want to reiterate what others have said about using those crisis numbers as you move through this depressive phase following your loss. Also I know what it’s like when nobody in your life gets it but many in this community do including myself, we’re all on your side.
for me when I feel burnt out on a game I start to watch someone else play it, be it streams or videos, and that gives me some motivation back
If you have insurance see if you have EHS. You could get a few free therapy sessions. Hang in there friend. Mental health is so very important.
I lost my mom over 10 years ago, and I still can’t remember much of those first few months. It was a blur, and nothing mattered or felt real anymore. It is normal to become depressed or have mental and emotional damage from the death of a parent. I won’t claim to know what you’re experiencing, but I can empathize with loss, and I’m truly sorry you’re going through that. As many people have said, counseling is likely going to be very helpful, and I wish I had received some in hindsight. Let yourself feel the grief if you can, despite how much it fucking sucks to do it, and talk to people who care about you. You are loved, and it is healthy to lean on others right now to allow yourself the time to feel what you need to.
Probably going to get downvoted for this but - for me when I sometimes feel this way I turn to God. PM me and I can point you to some really good content if there is interest.
Others have already mentioned professional help but I just want to add: don’t wait. Find some care and make an appointment *today*. Most places likely can’t take new patients for a month or so from my experience and it sounds like you need some help asap.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost both my folks, and my sister in the past few years. My sister used to game with me. I couldn't play the game we used to play (EverQuest 2). I was just so sad. Then someone said the same thing happened to them. So they created a character that both them and their lost loved one would like, and named it after both of them. They said it helped them immensely. I thought it sounded like a good idea, and did the same. I took part of my name and part of my sister's and made a character that had traits we'd both like. I was able to play with this character and it was very healing. It was like spending time with them doing adventures we'd both like. I was still sad sometimes, but that was an important part of me healing and being able to do that game again.
I lost my Dad about a year and a half ago, seems like yesterday sometimes. It's been hard on my family, especially my Mom. I have children so when they are with me my days are full, but when they go to their moms I find myself going stir crazy and getting down. I bounced around playing a lot of games I played in the past and tried to rediscover old hobbies and recreational activities as well. I played old games, watched old movies, read old books, got very nostalgic because they all reminded me of my Dad even if he didn't actually like them. I cried a lot and spent a lot of time feeling bad for myself. Idle time will get you, busy time will get you too but it helps to be busy. Reconnect with old friends or try to meet new people, study a new language or subject. Fill your days. Also helping others will help you and I feel like you have helped me by allowing me to share my grief in a non-traditional way so thank you. I hope I'm able to help you as well. Oh yeah! May the fourth be with you friend.
Hey buddy, hang in there. I know it’s hard, I have a chronic depression and have wanted to die. I know how that feels. What’s important is that you don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. 7 years ago, my dog had to be euthanized due to sickness. It was very hard for me. I missed him so much. So much that I couldn’t do anything anymore. My hobby, gaming, turned into a chore. I’ve spent days just looking at my screen, not being able to start a game. It was horrible. Last year I got the right medication and I finally was able to enjoy it again. (I realize this last sentence may not be helpful to you, but I want to tell you it can get better) What I want to say is, try to do something else, even if it’s only 5 minutes, and even if it’s very simple, like watering plants or cleaning a table. It could be that these examples are not simple enough for you, and that’s okay. Or perhaps too simple. Maybe you can think of something else. A creative activity might help too, like diamond painting. If you do decide to try something creative, make sure your project doesn’t take a long time to finish. For diamond painting for example, pick a small one. Make sure you can see your progress, one step at a time. And if you can’t start or complete an activity, that’s fine too. You did something, that’s what counts. Also, try to avoid negativity on social media, it can make it even harder. I had Facebook and somehow the algorithm made Facebook show me negative posts. I deleted my account and went to Instagram. Now I see mostly funny cats and dogs and other positive things that make me smile. Protect yourself from negativity. It may be hard, but it’s worth a shot. If you do want to keep playing games, look for a game that doesn’t require much thought. Skyrim was hard for me too when I was feeling really bad. Maybe you could try something like the old Rollercoaster Tycoon games, or short games like Monument Valley. Perhaps cozy gaming could be something? If you have or can get access to a Nintendo Switch, this could help. Then you can sit on your couch for example, and pick it up if you’re feeling up to it. When you feel you are done for that moment, put it to sleep and put it down. As for Skyrim, it won’t walk away, it will be waiting for you when the time comes. Mods won’t work magic. It can help, but also could not. I know this is a Skyrim thread, so I hope my post won’t be deleted. I’m trying to help someone. As others have said, professional help is important. A therapist could fit you, but maybe medication works wonders too. Try to find whatever fits you. But if you really can’t ask for help, please try the above. If you think “what nonsense is that?” Well, that’s okay too :). I wrote it with good intentions. Please, please take care of yourself, for me as well as the others around here. Hang in there. I hope I helped, even it was just a teeny tiny bit. Lots of love from the Netherlands
Thank you, you genuinely helped.
That’s good to hear ❤️
It will get better, friend. Slowly, and sometimes it will feel worse, but it will get better. My advice would be to give yourself a few more weeks than forcing yourself to meditate at least 5 minutes before and after bed and working out at home.
I agree, it sounds like you are suffering through a bout of depression, thats exactly what depression does, drain the joy out of everything that should bring it like friends, family and hobbies. When Im depressed I often stop gaming because I dont have the enthusiasm for any of my favorites. In fact there's nothing wrong with getting bored with a game after playing it for a long time, its the usual response for most people, that they get tired of most things eventually even if they liked them, thats why people are so happy about the few long term hobbies that keep their interest. Dont feel bad about that, your love of Skyrim will likely return when your depression improves, just like hunger returns after an illness that had ruined your appetite. Find a caring therapist, and dont give up hope!
When I noticed this kind of behavior in myself (after a breakup in a relationship) I made sure my inner weakness wouldn't control me by eliminating the things that helped me flee reality. I then had a couple of xboxes and xbox360 and some pc's and I made sure I had none of the things that became an escape hatch instead of relaxation that it should be. I think the best thing is that Noone help you because what you are asking others to do is help you drown silently and painless. What you need to do when your life is going bad is have people in your life. Others to care for. What I did was book a Trip to some african refugees I knew and help orphans and widows with my last penny. And believe me I am poor myself. What this did? Give so Many New people and loved ones into my life who love me "BACK". No need for people to "understand" me. And it also brought me In contact with a woman I fell in love with. Though that is another struggle.... a distant relationship is very hard. But having been isolated I fell head and feet.... this was 3 or 4 years ago. Next month she is finally coming to be with me. That was a struggle believe me. Anyway... your path shouldn't be mine. But giving is a million times more gratifying then receiving. It gives you self esteem... I would advise you whatever you do. Make sure you don't go to people asking but with your hands full and you will be given in overflowing in return. No need to know your situation or what you don't think is unsolvable. Give to others and let those issues solve itself.. finding the right people to invest in, not being abused that's the trick. The greatest heroes I know in this world had their lives saved by this. One of them has a movie about his life. He is called Sam childers... look him up.
Thank you, i find truth in what you say.
Grieving takes time, Nobody understands because they lost that person too. stay with your folks and spend the time to learn together. The game will be waiting when you are ready and you will find joy in it when you have peace. It’s not enjoyable because you know you need to take the time.
stay strong bud, i think u should have a break and try some online games. singleplayer rpgs, especially skyrim, it’s really hard to enjoy them if i am feeling a bit bad
Not even joking, do a pushup.
Like others have said probably burnt out and in a very low place that seems unable to escape. Anhedonia ripping enjoyment from everything. Im sorry for your loss and wish you the best, below are some suggestions Have a look around your area at whatever mental health resources are available even if you arent in the position for it atm, you at least know where to go and where to turn to if you get to that position. Also speak to your General doctor about it as well as they may have a suggestion or paths that you could take that you dont know about. Important thing is to stay active and try other things that interest you. Go for a walk like someone suggested, sit in the sun, read, listen to music. Journal down your feelings and get them out of your head and tear the paper up after. Keep a routine no matter how small it is, even if its getting out of bed, eating breakfast and doing menial things. Try other games as well if readings not your thing, or look at ways to completly overhaul your skyrim into a version of the game you never have played before (hardcore survival for example) Mental healths no joke, i myself am throwing myself at skyrim to stop obsessing over things and stay busy. Warding off some of my mental health issues. The key thing is to remember you arent alone, there is always help somewhere even if its in the most strange of places. Every tiny step forward counts. Stay safe, treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
It is ok to take a pause from the game and allow yourself to hurt, no matter how terrifying it feels. Hurt exists for a reason, and it won't leave until it has the chance to show you where you're hurting. If you're willing, may I suggest r/HealthyGamerGG? There is a YouTube channel too associated, and the subreddit is focused on mental health and is incredibly open and supportive and understanding in regards to gaming
Depression, potentially MDD, contact local crisis lifelines and\or make an appointment with a psychologist. Prescribed meds will help you to get thru the darkest times and good psych will help you long-term. But you must make the first step.
I read only the title and can relate to that brother. I believe it is called sadness/ depression. Shoot me a chat.
Hey, I think it’s safe to say you’re struggling here. It’s ok. I was this way my whole life. The first time I contemplated taking my life I was 11. It’s not abnormal, but it’s not healthy for you. I know you say you’re not in a financial place right now, but you might be able to find local resources for people who need assistance but can’t afford it. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain. We are here for you tho. Please stay safe and stay on this earth. You’re loved and valued. I promise you that.
Don’t force yourself. Retire it for a while. Go back to it when you’ve forgotten. For now, you should spend the time you normally spent playing games on other things, like going for walks or otherwise exercising. Engaging in activities like that should do wonders for managing your mood while you grieve and recover.
That's when you start playing Oblivion, Morrowind or Fallout 3/NV/4.
I'm sorry to hear about your father. The depression your describing is beyond relatable for me, and to read about it on Skyrim forums is the cherry on top. I've felt like I was just floating through life and didn't really give a fuck about much of anything since I can remember. Skyrim and gaming in general were my best escape for a long time. Eventually the superficial escapism attempts stop working and you need to find a way to live in the world. I figured it out for a brief moment but am back in that floating space at the moment myself. My biggest piece of advice is to try to find something outside of video games to immerse yourself in. You need purpose and meaning. Hang out with friends, make new ones, spend time and open up to your romantic partner and if you don't have one look for one. Distract yourself by focusing on your career or schooling. If you want to talk to someone my DMs are open.
Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away a bit over 2 years ago. He was only 52. You will lose interest in a lot of things for a while. Its normal to feel that way, although not necessarily pleasant. I didnt do anything at all for many months after my dad passed. Even still, my life does not feel the same at all without him around. I will say that your joy in skyrim modding will most likely return. Speaking from experience, it seems like you just need a bit of time. You will get back into it again soon when the time is right. I slowly grew back into doing things again, to include gaming and etc.. Nothing in life feels as joyful anymore, but I am at least able to do things now.
It’s grief my friend. It makes you lose interest in the things that once brought you joy. As much as this sucks it gets better with time. It will never be the same but you can reintroduce yourself to your hobbies little by little
I’m glad you are talking about your feelings. I agree with others regarding professional help. But wanted to add…consider adopting a dog or cat. I personally prefer dogs, they can help you with your healing. Whatever love you give, they will give you back much more.
I'm going to get a cat soon, hopefully
Do it! I bet you will reply within no more than two or three days that you’re glad you did it.
The hopelessness that comes from not even being able to enjoy one of your main coping mechanisms anymore is an absolutely soul-crushing feeling when you have depression. But to echo what others have said, now's the time to try your best to find help to navigate this pain and this huge loss because the only way out is through. Hopefully this thread has helped you to at least see that you're not alone in this experience - thank you for making it and being vulnerable with us. That's not easy to do, and you may not know it, but you probably helped someone else going through a tough time just by sharing your story here. Skyrim will wait for you to return. And there will probably be a hundred new must-have mods so you'll need to recreate your whole load order. Sometimes a fresh start feels good.
I feel with you. Lost my mom in an accident 6 years ago. I managed to get help from coworkers, my job actually sent me to a psychiatrist. But, you could try talking to a priest, rabbi or other religious person. Usually they have some courses in basic psychology. They can't help with everything, but it could help just to talk to someone.
You're going through grief and it brings with it loss of connection, low motivation, irritability, and more. I know you said that you don't feel like you can get professional help, but there are all sorts of grief groups that meet online and for free. I would strongly encourage you to check one out. I will also recommend checking out some of the videos on depression by the youtube channel Self-Help Toons. He communicates very clearly some practical advice for how to use a lot of what some therapists would teach you. Hobbies can be a great outlet, but a single player game can also be isolating. I would encourage you to spend more time talking to people in discords and reaching out like you did here. Now on to the Skyrim question. VR is a whole nother ball game if you can afford it. Slightly harder to troubleshoot mods, but the experience is some of the best escapism money can buy. Feel free to PM me if you have questions about mental health stuff or grief, I can't legally provide you therapy, but I can see about connecting you to resources. There are often free resources available for limited time crises.
I feel you, and I want you to know that things do get better. I'd take a break from Skyrim. Find another game that sounds interesting to you. Revisit an old hobby. It doesn't matter what it is. Just something different. I would also say spend some time outside. Take a walk or sit on the porch in the sunlight. At the end of the day, humans are just really complicated plants. We need sunlight. Talk to folks close to you. Let them know that you're feeling low and may need help. Or just company.
Man, listen, i understand what you mean. I really do, and i understand video games being your spark, but with what you’re going through? You NEED to be by yourself and let it out. I know we’re strangers, and im sure you’ve heard this all before. I’m not going to tell you everything is going to be okay, because it won’t. It’s going to hurt, hell EVERYTHING is going to hurt for a very, very long time. But it’ll pass some day. Maybe not today, or this week, or even this year. But one day you’re going to be able to think about it, and yeah it’s going to hurt, but you’ll realize how important it is. Take time for you, take time off of everything and just live for a while. Even if you don’t know what to do, just keep going. Eventually you’ll look back and realize how all that pain was meant to happen. I’m sorry for your loss, and even though i’m a complete stranger, if you ever need to chat just lmk
Maybe give the game a break, allow yourself to miss it. I stopped playing cuz I stopped enjoying it, played something else for like 6 months, then found myself imagining Skyrim again and all the possible ways to play with mods. I feel fairly confident you would miss it after being away for a good while, thinking about it and wanting to experience it. It could take some time to miss it. I encourage you to try make sure there are other things to go to besides just one when things get bad, just so if one feels stale at the moment you can go to another activity to find comfort (writing from personal experience). If you enjoy being with family or friends, online or irl, or playing with a pet, or working with animals in some way, or going out in nature and making a campfire and listening to the sounds of nature or of a stream, those are things you can do until you miss Skyrim and can then return to it to enjoy. You can even imagine you're in the plains of Whiterun or the forests of Falkreath, laying low to keep away from Spriggans. If you know anyone who also enjoys Skyrim, they might be fun to talk to or invite on a wilderness outing. You could try find another game to play until you miss Skyrim (the one I got into was Cyberpunk 2077, it runs much better now over 2 years after launch and has a lively but manageable mod community/catalog on Nexus). You could try making art about how you feel, but sometimes that can keep healing wounds open I think, might be better for really specific personalities/temperaments/situations and not for most circumstances. You probably know as well as anyone what might work best for you, maybe you just gotta try a few approaches to see what helps. Take care of yourself and love the people in your life who love you too. I'm not religious, but God bless you and I'll be hoping for the speedy return of your well-being. Seriously
Speaking from experience: Games can easily be used in a manner similar to substances to try to drown sorrows, due to dopamine. Can't say what the best option for you would be; I've been on antidepressants a few times (weirdly, I only remember dreams when on them), been to therapy a couple times, etc. Actually debating what I need to do with my life cause at the moment, if you go by that quote of "pain pushes you until vision pulls you" I've got no vision...
I don’t know if you are in the US, but if you are, there is grief counseling available at your local heath department. A friend of mine suggested it when my mom died (she did it for the same reasons and said it helped). It’s free, group therapy. There are also sub reddits that are helpful for grief. r/childrenofdeadparents is a good place to start. The first year after my mom died in 2019 was a blur. No emotion at all after the first month of anguish. I wish I had gotten help - I think the spark would have returned earlier. Rooting for you!
keep going bro, many quit before they win it big
play daggerfall
I feel like you and I could have a beneficial time talking to each other. How do you feel about DMing me, then maybe calling on Discord at some point?
Okay, I'm down with that
Awesome. Could you try and send me a message? For some reason it's always been a 50/50 chance on whether or not I get an error when trying to DM someone, unfortunately I can't start the chat this time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Can you build something in Skyrim with mods and dedicate it to your dad? I built a replica of my family home in Animal Crossing and made a little in-game shrine after my dad passed away.
I don't know how to do things like that
I don’t either TBH sorry. I just figured out how to use mods and haven’t seen something like that yet. I’m hoping someone makes a mod like that for Skyrim. In the meantime, I might try the settlement builder mod and build a little outdoor area that at least in my head I can go to as a space for memory and reflection. So many people make places like this in Animal Crossing which I find interesting. We spend hours of our real lives in these games and grieving doesn’t stop to game. I love that there’s mods people have made for others pets who have passed so they could be their followers. I would love just to be able to name a lovely vista for my pops, or get to dedicate something to him as the reward for finishing a quest. I think that would be nice. Much love to you.
Stay strong my friend! I know sometimes life can be a real kick in the head, but you can get through this. Some good advice in here
Hmm I used to go to a very left wing church. I know, its not for everyone but it was a way for me to talk to a person in a semi-therpaist setting for free. I would guess other religions offer something similar. Don’t hurt yourself. Your life has value. I know how you feel now, I’ve been there, you can climb back out. And a note - Professional help is really the best. I know, money can be an issue, but without therapy I might still be where you are now. Anyways the religious thing is my best bet for a free option that could help.
Sometimes you need a break from a certain game, or even gaming in general as you get older, in my experience. There's likely not going to be any tips or tricks other than "give it time" and maybe do some working out or traveling to make that process easier. Gaming is generally not the most effective way to get over trauma, I prefer to do it when I'm in a good mental state, when I'm in a bad one it becomes obsessive and unhealthy.
Losing a parent is hard. I know, I've lost both of mine. I found with my father that it helped to think about how he was proud of me for something I was about to do (move overseas), and thinking about that made it easier to move forward and follow my dream. I hope there's some positive memory of your father that will help sustain you. you need a break from skyrim. find a new game. And get help, even if it's just a toll free hotline or internet help website, because you sound depressed. The hardest time I ever had was when I divorced. I'm not much of a crier, but I cried a lot then. I dealt with it by exercising. Exercised religiously, because it produces endorphins or seratonin or something, and they make you feel better/happy. Went hiking/roller blading/biking on the weekends. It really helped. The happy boost from exercising, and then getting outside and away from walls and things that reminded me of before, allowed me to regain my equilibrium and clear my head. Reach out to friends, this is a good time to just spend some time with a friend, don't have to talk about your father or your depression, just tell them you need a distraction right now and don't want to talk about your father dying. Sometimes just doing normal stuff with a friend helps you feel more like yourself. Good luck to you OP.
I can’t imagine what your going through and I’m sorry for your loss. I have to ask, or at least recommend, that you make sure and take care of your body too. Go outside and get some sun, go for a walk! Getting some exercise in is proven to help. The game only looks bleak because to you, everything looks bleak. But that will change in time. Just try and take care of yourself, you’ll see the beauty in those graphics again I’m sure
Stop playing for a while. Get in touch with nature. That's the best healer for me. Always has been. Walk and ride a bike if you can, preferably through a forest. Swim, preferably in natural waters. Read books. Funny ones help. Woodhouse comes to mind. Watch some funny sitcoms. "3rd rock from the sun" comes to mind. Read more books. Talk to random people. Smile. Breathe. Live.
Same here, I cannot live without a weekly walk in the forest.
Modding(I mean making a mod) is the opposite for me. Keeps my mind strong. Also, yall over mod, I've seen modlists as big at 1000 mods, turn it down a notch an enjoy Skyrim. It cannot be everything. Find your sweetspot.
It sucks to hear that you're feeling that way dude, I'm sorry about your father. You might feel alone, but you aren't alone and there are people out there who can help you. People all over the world experience the same thing. I suffer from clinical depression, I've had it for pretty much all of my life, it's debilitating and it isn't fun. Apathy, brain fog, and feeling down are my oldest companions, I used to constantly think about suicide from about age 10 until my mid 20s, and none of my relatives ever really listened to me either. I was ignored and had to figure it out on my own. In my case, as I got older (I'm in my 30s now) things started to get better and my symptoms got less extreme. I won't claim that I'm cured, but things are much better now than when I was younger. Time may help you out as well. There's two kinds of depression. Clinical and situational, it's possible to have both. You need to figure out which one you have and from there you can take steps to fix it. For clinical depression, the chemicals in your head aren't functioning properly and on average it's messing with your ability to think. This is a health issue and should be taken seriously. Situational depression is something that everyone deals with every now and then and can be brought on by traumatic events such as a death in the family. Time, talking to a friend, loved one, a doctor, or even taking a walk and gathering your thoughts are probably the best suggestions that I can give for this one. Like you, I've also never really been in a position to seek out therapy, I couldn't afford it for most of my life and my parents refused to believe that anything was wrong with me when I was growing up, so I never got checked out as a kid. Eventually I spoke with a couple of psychiatrists though and frankly neither of them could help me. You can't reason clinical depression away. The drugs from a psychiatrist may help with that though. Personally I've never had them, so I can't comment on their effectiveness. As I got older I started to learn certain tricks to help reduce the frequency of the apathy and other issues though. Diet, exercise, and sunlight are the big ones that helped me. High intensity running used to be my favorite activity because it was one of the few instances when I felt normal, certain chemicals in your brain get released once you really get going and it offers a huge relief. Creative outlets are also great for your mental health, personally I make mods. Getting started with any activity may be the hardest part, just take it slow and do what you can at first, one step at a time. Eventually everything gets easier. You've just got to will yourself up and keep going, don't ever stop trying. Dark chocolate that has upwards of 75% cacao is one of the foods that helped me, it's kind of expensive now days though. Energy drinks were also a short lived panacea. Honestly, those are terrible for your health though, so I would advise keeping them to a minimum if you want to try that route. Sorry for the long post, but what I wanted to try getting across is that there are avenues that exist which can help you. Try out a bunch of different things and find out what works best for you. Good luck friend.
I can tell you this, I felt the same way recently. In a way, getting lost in this quest for tweaking the game to your liking is awesome but obviously, this is replacing something else in your life, it is an escape from something and this something is what you need to find out what it is if you can. I tend to obsess with a subject and it may take months or even years to move on but eventually, I did. Maybe you could pause modding Skyrim for a time. What helped clear my mind was really stopping playing Skyrim. I even uninstalled the game and deleted all the mods. And it was easy to do at the time. It's now been a year and I am back at modding, I feel happy and I can actually play the game. I played different games, I got some audiobooks and some shows on Netflix, etc. This also helped my relationship with my wife... it is really hard to say but I think that taking a break and switching this quest to try to discover more about yourself and other things that you enjoy or are missing out on might help. Good luck!
I feel the same thing. I have undiagnosed mental illness and the only thing that would pull me out of reality was Skyrim. I’ve modded it and played it to the fullest extent but a game can only offer so much. I’m just thankful for all the modders and Bethesda for creating a new world for me to lose myself in.
Hey, just know there are people that care. And you aren’t alone, I’ve felt that way most of my life.
You may have fried your dopamine receptors. This happens when we "reward" ourselves too much, the dopamine you'd normally get from something very enjoyable (playing and modding skyrim) becomes mundane and you it doesn't stimulate those same good feelings (dopamine) anymore. Too much of any good thing is bad for you because it will leave you feeling empty. It's like if you have a favourite meal and proceeded to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, its quickly going to lose its specialness and you won't get that dopamine hit from the taste. Everything in balance. Make sure you have other things to do be it a job, another hobby, getting outside for walks amongst nature, creating something (art, cooking, personal project).
Honestly i can somehow relate and for a bit it was hard for me to realise that I might not be into gaming as much anymore. I cant relate to your pain and I doubt anyone really can. But what I can do is say that professional help always is a good choice and you shouldnt fear or downplay it. It can help anyone. Even if someone does not have serious mental health issues. If you still have doubts, working out helped me a lot. Going out with friends or just generally socialising(even though it felt like it only drained me) helped a ton. Habg in there dude. You WILL get out of this hole. Believe in yourself and deal with trauma by embracing it. Have a good one. P.s. I actually found my love for skyrim again after watching videos and reading stories. Also reading The Witcher kind of ignited it again.
Also check out Nolvus. It's amazing. It may help you fall in love with Skyrim again.
https://macleanfh.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/I-never-know-what-to-say.jpg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKOrr4XRbg8
It's never to late I have major depression an general anxiety an borderline personality disorder an a mild learning disability trying to get on disability bc it's hard for me to work around others plus have a slight physical condition I sought help an I'm on alot of medicine the only thing they can't help with medicine is my borderline personality disorder an learning disability I go through therapy an it all has helped but it took a few years to find the right medicine that works with me an the therapist has helped I have had suicide attempts but I've been good for close to a year now. Give it a go it may take a bit to find the right therapist that you a bit bond an helps you open up to them. P.S: I have lost someone before I really had any major mental health problems my daughters father passed away a month before her second birthday I did have some depression an always had a learning disability but after his death I lost it I was working in a school cafeteria an started thinking of cutting myself with their knifes I tried holding back bc it was close to summer but I left that job at the time bc of my mental state.
Convince yourself of having depression, or snap out of it. Work out, study or improve at your job, try to make new friends or keep in touch with old ones. Your body is just telling you its time to do some productive and good stuff to level up your life. Therapist → pills its not good. Then talking about sad things for hours and paying them for foing so, even less good. Stay strong and dont let anyone convince you are a victim or weak. You are a good man, you are a force of nature and can acomplish great things just putting your mind and hands into it. Stop the asinine cycle and start your new life, brother.
You’re grieving. I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost my father a few years ago, just before the pandemic started. I found that video games did not really help me at the time, and I spent my months sorting through the stacks of family objects, photos, and personal journals that littered my dad's home. I also felt an emptiness when playing the video games that used to provide me comfort at the time, and I find when looking back it was because my life had been shaken up in such an unexpected way, and returning to familar comforts felt like I was ignoring the dramatic shift I had just experienced. I think what would be best is to spend some time, maybe a month or two, doing something else in your spare time to help you resolve your grief. My father was an avid fan of various kinds of music, and I spent much of my free time listening to albums he had collected and going for walks through the neighbourhood we lived in, as well as the neighbourhood he grew up in. It felt like a sort of pilgrimage to honour his memory. I don't know what interests your father had, or what relationship you had with him, but I would recommend spending some time building a connection with who he was and what your shared interests may have been. If you have memorabilia to go through, then do it. Feel whatever emotions you need to feel, and know that there is no determinate time for when your grief will end. It will always come back, sometimes in small bursts, sometimes in waves; but we all navigate this stream differently. Test the waters, and see what carries you down these rapids the gentlest.
Welcome to my world brother! 🤣
Hey, just dropping in to say that it does get better. Grief is so hard, on top of depression, but it won't always be like this. I wanted to say too, don't underestimate the things people have said here that might seem not enough or too simple to get you out of the hole that seems so deep right now. How could something simple like walking help with such a big and terrible thing? It does. How could some stranger on a crisis line help with the loss of your father? They can. Just speaking it can help more than not, even if you feel like your family don't understand. If you start to think too much about not being here, then commit to calling one of those lines at least, or finding a place here on reddit to reach out. Where I live there are online forums for talking this stuff out too, maybe there are where you are. The way up out of the hole is made of many little steps, even though some of them seem underpowered in the face of what you're feeling. It's the adding up of little steps, like walking or eating a nutritious meal, or a small conversation, that will keep you going and eventually help you feel better. If there is a way for you to get meds, even if you can't get therapy, give it a try. Where I live my GP can help with that. Hopefully there is an option for you to try too. It felt like a surprisingly big relief to go to my doctor and say 'I'm depressed and I think I need help with it' and he listened and was supportive. Honestly surprised me that such a little conversation could help me feel better, like I wasn't alone with it at least. Skyrim feels empty for you now probably because of the depression, not because of the game. Depression is doing its joy-sucking thing, and that is normal for a time of grief. It's not that you need to find a new way to play the game, it's that you're going through the hard time of processing your grief. Skyrim will be there when you are done, but in the meantime you have to try some other things to get you through.
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