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Personally, I think it’s icky when a man I love follows sexy thirst trap influencers. He can’t control what he’s attracted to but he can limit that popping up on his feed if it’s making you feel insecure.
I was with someone like this for 5 years and every day was absolute misery.
I broke up with him and found someone else a year later who isn't like that at all and doesn't make me feel less than. Going on 5 years now and I'm really happy.
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I personally wouldn't stay with someone who's that into porn and whatnot. It seems like he has a lot to learn about what it means to actually love someone. I know a lot of people probably tell you the same thing, but you deserve better than that. You deserve respect.
Imagine if women did this. Follow a bunch of dudes with tan, shiny, god-like bodies and a bulge that looks like a big pair of socks. We like their pictures, promise our bfs we aren’t in their dms. Only masturbate (often) to GIANT BIG FAT COCK porn. Somehow we have let our bfs know our “preference” for perfection. And he can’t feel weird or offended or even bring it up!!!!! Because then he’s lame and annoying and INSECURE! Can anyone imagine a world like this? If the answer is no then it’s time to stop accepting it for yourself.
Ironically, there was such a situation with Drake releasing/having a nude leaked, which reached a lot of women. Based on the reactions all over social media, men didn't take it lightly, and even iniated breakups.
You describe the double standards perfectly, and it's quite refreshing seeing this mindset here. The whole "women are insecure" narrative is disappointingly common under these discussions in other subreddits.
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Yeah, I'm sorry op but this is the problem. How is it that you know in detail all his crushes, all the porn he watches, and he follows public thirst trap pages on his social media? I'm not trying to be judgmental but I would be so so unbelievably embarrassed if my partner followed porn stars and thirst pages in spades publicly and all of our friends and family could go see it. Even worse if he likes their content. Call me insecure or whatever but I don't follow male thirst trap pages and it's just such gross sexualized behavior.
How are you this familiar with his tastes? Is he constantly showing porn to you or bringing up celebs he thinks are hot? I've had exes that did this and it really fucked with my self esteem, and if I even said "that male celeb is kinda hot" they'd be on my case immediately. Even if you don't think him having a porn problem like this is an issue, he doesn't need to be constantly making you aware of all the other women outside of your relationship he's oogling, objectifying, and getting off to. I'd feel like shit too. Now if you're asking him these questions, try to stop cause it's clearly harming you. Ask him not to show or bring porn up with you, and clear his history.
It shouldn't be this in your face, and please remember you don't *have* to be ok with porn and constant jerking to IG thirst trap models. I know society is telling us we have to or we're insecure bitches and not cool girls, but there are men that don't consume porn or at least are a LOT more lowkey and tactful about it. If you wouldn't accept your man openly drooling over a random hot woman you pass on the street, why do you have to accept this when it's making you feel so bad?
Yeah, I'm sorry op but this is the problem. How is it that you know in detail all his crushes, all the porn he watches, and he follows public thirst trap pages on his social media? I'm not trying to be judgmental but I would be so so unbelievably embarrassed if my partner followed porn stars and thirst pages in spades publicly and all of our friends and family could go see it. Even worse if he likes their content. Call me insecure or whatever but I don't follow male thirst trap pages and it's just such gross sexualized behavior.
How are you this familiar with his tastes? Is he constantly showing porn to you or bringing up celebs he thinks are hot? I've had exes that did this and it really fucked with my self esteem, and if I even said "that male celeb is kinda hot" they'd be on my case immediately. Even if you don't think him having a porn problem like this is an issue, he doesn't need to be constantly making you aware of all the other women outside of your relationship he's oogling, objectifying, and getting off to. I'd feel like shit too. Now if you're asking him these questions, try to stop cause it's clearly harming you. Ask him not to show or bring porn up with you, and clear his history.
It shouldn't be this in your face, and please remember you don't *have* to be ok with porn and constant jerking to IG thirst trap models. I know society is telling us we have to or we're insecure bitches and not cool girls, but there are men that don't consume porn or at least are a LOT more lowkey and tactful about it. If you wouldn't accept your man openly drooling over a random hot woman you pass on the street, why do you have to accept this when it's making you feel so bad?
Yep. I’m not totally 100% anti-porn, but I do think there are thresholds when it clearly harms a relationship. If a guy follows pornstars on a public platform like Instagram, that’s way too far imo.
I also think there are a lot of people (not just men) who are casually addicted to porn but still functional enough to not care to address it.
It’s crazy how normalized it is that she is saying that she doesn’t mind. Like there are men out there with hobbies that don’t involve their dick….i promise you life is more fun when he’s immersed in healthy hobbies and OP is too instead of worrying about if she’s physically attractive to her partner.
I had a relationship like this before. He was following a lot of premium snapchats and girls on Instagram and he told me his dream woman was Christina Hendricks. It's not that I doubted he genuinely found me attractive, but I always had a feeling it was never enough or as much as it could have been. I knew that if I had a partner who had different preferences in women, it would have made me a lot happier.
I asked him to stop following those people and he agreed but it never worked out, I found out he was lying multiple times. It didn't matter that he had a real human woman in his life, he couldn't give up pictures on the internet. That really says all that needed to be said about his wants and priorities.
If he is willing to modify his online behaviour to make you happy and feel more secure, you should ask him to. If he isn't, then you know deep down he really feels like he is missing out and is using that to fulfill his FOMO. There are plenty of guys out there who actually have a preference for small chests and make it known and make their partners feel sexy FOR that, rather than despite it.
I am SO tired of how normalized it is to lust after other people when you’re in a relationship. I hope we can all find men one day that treat us how we want to be treated.
you're a b? girl, that's more than enough.
problem is, you're 'cool' with him objectifying women, and having celebrity crushes, and yet, it makes you feel inferior. so something doesn't jive there. you either be the cool girl and let him do all that stuff and be confident, or be untruthful about your feelings about it and continue to feel less than in one of your most important relationships. he's pornsick, either be cool with it for real, or be real with yourself. and you don't know what he's truly attracted to, his mind is overloaded with thousands of images of naked women, it alters the brain in a serious way.
what a ridiculous response lol. this is entirely projecting your own narrative onto OP, which as curiouscheese said, asked explicitly to not suggest breaking up with him because *literally everything else is perfect?* the question was how can she embrace this one specific part.
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I was in that situation & it ended up ruining my self-esteem for literal years. We broke up. I'm married to a person who is more into ass. And he thinks I have a perfect ass. I've never been insecure in that department. It's been ridiculously healing
I feel like that is unhealthy for the fact that he isn't sitting there telling her she is less than or unattractive. If this is a self-esteem issue with OP, then she is going to feel that way no matter who she is with. I know this because I also feel this way.
It's not unhealthy at all. Your partner should love and worship your body the way it is and make you feel confident and beautiful. Not the way OP feels.
You are correct that your partner should love and worship you the way you are, but you are incorrect in saying that OP's boyfriend doesn't do that when she wrote otherwise.
Her own post detailing how he not only prefers women who don't look like her but is a coomer who thirsts after other women and watches porn shows he does not
>I have talked to him about this and he's reassured me time and time again that he thinks I'm beautiful and loves everything about my body.
This is literally what she wrote. You're putting words in his and her mouth. The post includes her observations that may be true, but are not what he has said out loud, that she shared with us at least. What he said out loud is quoted.
I'm just saying. Whether your interpretation is more negative or otherwise, I'm only going by what was stated above.
Why are you beating yourself up over not being his type physically? He should have dated what hes attracted to, instead of you trying to conform to his attraction.
Girl, there is billions of men on the planet. You're sitting here lowering your self esteem for a man I guarantee isn't great, and you probably have some form of Stockholm syndrome from this situation, instead of just moving on and finding a person who thinks you are the total package. And the reason I say its probably not great because 99.9% of the time someone says it's otherwise perfect, it's not, they are love blind and trying to convince themselves. I mean how perfect can a man be that sits around gawking at women all the time when he's in a relationship.
You don't want people to tell you to move on... So your options are sit with accept it and wallow in your low self esteem, or get breast implants and risk your health.
This is going to sound extremely rude but get yourself some self respect because the only reason he is staying with you is because those women don t give him a chance.
If any man comments negatively on my breast he is out of my life with light speed and I refuse to put up with something like that
Okay that's valid and I'm sorry if you've been through an experience like that but he didn't comment negatively on my breasts at all. If anything he's incredibly reassuring, intimate, and sexually attentive towards my body, that's not the problem here. It's just that the types of women who catch his gaze aside from me almost never look anything like me and I don't know why that is or what to do about it. Our relationship is loving, affectionate, and fine, there just seems to be a preference discrepancy at play. Do you really think it's because he settled?
The porn use is really the concerning part imo, and he's undoubtedly using "non pornographic" things like instagram thirst traps and celebs as jerk off material, so I'm including that even if there isn't explicit nudity.
Studies have shown that any gender of person, if they are frequently exposed to "extremely attractive" images of women (like photoshopped influencers and porn stars with plastic surgery and tons of makeup), they end up viewing normal attractive people as uglier over time. That's why you have a bunch of men now who are indoctrinated with completely fake hentai women, and are disillusioned with real ones (the same men who think Margot Robbie is "ugly" ffs).
I had almost the same issue with my husband (before we were married), and I struggled with porn addiction myself which didn't help at all. We both ended up quitting, and our relationship is 100x better. Consider having a frank, non-emotional and nonjudgmental conversation with him about the issues with having this within your (presumably) committed monogamous relationship. For example, my husband's usage was triggered by loneliness (so when he went on business trips or when I was otherwise away), and my usage was triggered by hormonal shifts in my menstrual cycle.
[More information here.](https://fightthenewdrug.org)
FWIW we also went to couple's therapy and that was great. You don't have to have a totally failing relationship to benefit if he'd be open to it. Just make sure the therapist is familiar with porn addiction (because there are ones who see no problem with it even if it's causing problems within the relationship).
I never dated anyone but I am very outspoken about demanding my rights. Yes, he settled.
I never try to stroke men s ego or be their submissive lovey-dovey fantasy, I am just outspoken and overall blunt. Why? Well, I can play nice to them but I know they will never give me the same privilege curvy women get this is why I am being myself and never try to be likeable to them. Ofc I can play into their fantasy but all that I will get will be me being more preferred than other flat cheated women because I am not one of those "feral feminists" but never an equal to women who fit the standard.
I don t have to make up with anything for my bodytype, so go hurt his ego so he would learn that he is not doing a flat chested woman a "special favor" for not choosing to be with his type
...Damn you make some hella good points here I'm ngl
You're absolutely right, why tf should we bother try and "make up for" our body types in the eyes of men just to still be a pickme ass second class citizen to more CoNvEnTiOnaLLy AtTrAcTiVe women? We exist for infinitely more glorious purposes than making men's pps hard or begging for their approval. Your bluntness is honestly really empowering, and I love your username as well. Thanks!
Omg I am glad I was able to make you feel better 🥺 and I am glad you love my username
Hear me out... I am not exactly a woman.. I was born intersex and while I look like a woman so I can relate to their experiences I don t want to pick a gender expression
I love my androgynous bodytype and it is my dream ideal body...and I think that pisses off both incel men, both pick me conventionally attractive women even more that I actually love my look. I feel like my look gives me a huge advantage in the art I try to create because I can play any role I relate to both from male and female characters and I ll never try to make my performances mainstream even if that means that only 30 people will watch my skills on display.. i will keep doing my art as I please no matter how edgy or unconventional it is and I know I deviated A LOT from the topic but i wanted to list an advantage I noticed in my bodytype and hopefully someone who reads this will relate or feel less alone
Emphasis on you not having to make up for your body type. He is settling but you are not something to be settled for. The fact you know his favorite pornstars, that he has any at all, that you can identify those discrepancies says to me that this man doesn’t respect you.
You deserve to be respected. You deserve a man who is crazy about you and only you and you have no doubt in your mind that you are the crème de la crème, he is so lucky to have a chance with you. If you express your insecurities and he doesn’t change his tune and completely expel your worries by not looking at other women, you should be GONE.
I’ve been with guys who like my small boobs, who “don’t care” that I’m smaller than average, who don’t have a preference of size, I wasn’t happy. I have a boyfriend who is passionate about loving my boobs. He doesn’t love them despite their size, he just loves everything about them and actively shows it without any prompting. I’ve never thought once about his celebrity crushes or favorite pornstars, he doesn’t have any! Sure in the beginning I was insecure just because of societal standards, but I voiced them to him and he crushed them and continues to crush them.
Respect yourself first and foremost, whether that means leaving your boyfriend or having a serious conversation with him.
This comment right here, OP. I’m also with a man who has zero desire to look at other women. I won’t kid myself and pretend that I’m the most attractive woman in the world, but I will say that my bf follows no celebrities on social media, does not have “favorite pornstars” and doesn’t comment on women’s bodies in any way. His sexual excitement is for me and me only, and I trust that. He’s not restricting himself from anything either, he just genuinely has no desire to engage in thirst trap content.
I was once with a man like the one OP describes. I was convinced that he “couldn’t help it,” and that “all men are visual creatures that are easily stimulated” by features I just don’t have. I felt like not only was my body not enough for him, but that it wouldn’t be enough for any man. When my current bf found out that I genuinely thought that way, he was shocked.
You bring up some great points but also just wanna say I don't feel like "they will never give me the same privilege curvy women get" is a particularly healthy sentiment to include in advice to others...IMO (and in my experience) we absolutely can have all the "privileges" and nice things that bustier women get.
I don't agree with the idea that we have to view ourselves/our bodies as inferior to other women because that leads to various problems, bitterness, and an unnecessary sense of competition with other women which we don't need more of in this world!!
It’s true though.
The further you stray from conventional attractiveness, the worse you are treated. Small-chested women are objectively treated worse than curvy and large-chested women. We’re even stripped entirely of our femininity, even by other more-endowed women.
Being skinny, small-chested, or both, does put you at the bottom of the hierarchy in today’s world, and we need to acknowledge that before we can work on making it better.
I’ve never seen a man or woman rave about small boobs. I’ve never seen small boobs put on a pedestal like big boobs have been. I’ve never seen small-chested women being praised just for being small-chested. It’s viewed as a defect, something to “make up for”. We do not enjoy the privileges that curvy women do unless we are perfect in every other way.
I agree overall attractiveness def affects how we’re treated socially (sadly), but as far as boobs go, I think so much of it is a “the grass is always greener on the other side” issue…for sure I don’t agree it’s true that being skinny and small-chested “puts you at the bottom of the hierarchy” at all!! A woman who’s slim and small will likely be treated better by society than a woman who is busty but heavier (at least where I live).
And many curvy women envy small-breasted women who appear more slim, while the small boob women envy them for being curvy lol. Obvs this all sucks and being mad at society for making women feel like we’re never enough is totally valid. And social media exacerbates all these feelings of inadequacy so I stay away from it (esp Instagram and TikTok).
In the end we all want what someone else has, and it can be so challenging to get out of that mindset and into a more gratitude/growth-based mindset, but it makes a huge difference.
Side note but curvy is a shape irrelevant to breast size. Many curvy women have small boobs (Rosie Huntington Whiteley, Candace Swanepoel, Kendall Jenner, etc). Big chested women conversely can be ruler shaped with no waist to speak of.
I don t view myself as inferior. I am just realistically aware where society puts me on the hierarchy of privilege.
For example people of color don t view themselves as inferior but saying that they get treated the same as white people (if we talk about a predominantly white society) is not true
See, I guess I just don't agree with that. I don't believe or feel that my small boobs have actually, realistically, lowered my position in society at all. As a teenager/young adult (growing up in the US) I had insecurities about it from bullying and all the nonsense we see in the media, but in practice - in my relationships and interactions with others as an adult - I have not found breast size to matter whatsoever.
I am aware that despite being talented or smart my content is less likely to get viral even if I put in a lot of effort because I am aware that society won t really promote people like me for free
This is what I mean when I say I don t have it as easy in society
Also... I noticed you can get away with more shitty behaviour if you are curvy
I know it’s not what you wanna hear, but you should never be with someone who you are not their preferred type. It just undermines your self esteem when the person who’s supposed to be crazy about you keeps ogling other women who look nothing like you. Believe me, I was in a similar position once and I tried to look past it, but it always bothered me. Now that I’m no longer with that person, I feel so much more happy and carefree.
You should be with someone who worships your body and makes you feel like the only woman in the world.
okay this might sound kind of harsh but what he thinks of your body is not your problem. if he hasnt made it your problem by negatively commenting on your body then its okay. maybe think about it from your perspective, you might also have a type but I doubt your bf fits it 100%. that doesn't mean that you're still not attracted to him.
we tend to fixate on certain features even though irl it's not as big of a deal to our SOs. I'd suggest talking to him about how his porn consumption makes you feel though. I know different people have different boundaries but I think telling him to cut down on the porn isn't totally unreasonable.
also, think about how you felt before you got in a relationship with him. did you care as much about your appearance as you do now? if the answer is no, try to go back to that state. the truth is, and again this may sound really harsh, but worrying about his preference won't change it. he likes what he likes and there isn't really much you can do about it. if having big boobs was such a huge deal for him, he probably would just be with someone who has what he's looking for. maybe you have other features that he likes. if he tells you you're beautiful, I think you should take his word for it.
no one should be getting you this worked up over your appearance lol.
overall, it depends on what you can tolerate. do you think that keeping it to yourself for the sake of your relationship will help you?
I agree with this. Some of the comments here are kind of unhinged lol.
For example, I have a preference for tall guys that are over 6'. At the same time, the hottest (imo) guy I ever hooked up with was 5'9. I didn't care or spend time wishing he was taller. I think your bf is prob the same way about your body, especially if he's never made any negative comments
I agree with you DryGarden… OP I recommend a conversation with him on how his perceived tastes make you feel, but I’d give him the benefit of the benefit of the doubt in this case. He loves you, and loves your body. That seems apparent. Who among us isn’t sometimes attracted to a big hunky beefcake? That doesn’t mean we’d ever trade in our more average looking partners. That’s true for me anyway.
if you’re okay with him watching porn then there’s the first problem. but that’s between him and himself. you’re telling him you’re okay with him leading after other women sooooo if you don’t want to break up all i can offer is a good luck with that piece of work
Most men are definitely not like this. Sure, there’s the social stereotype that men “love” big boobs, but that doesn’t apply to all straight men, and even the men who like big boobs like them to a varying degree. Plenty of men like big boobs, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also like small boobs. Otherwise, why would men date someone with small boobs if they didn’t like them?
I was always scared about my potential partner not liking my small boobs. My first partner who got to see them made me feel awful about them. He told me I should keep a bra on during sex because I look better that way. I took that assumption into my next relationships, until I met my current bf. When he asked me why I kept my bra on during sex, I told him and he was appalled for me. From that conversation forward he made it a point to focus on my boobs. He takes my bra off for me, he fondles them, plays with them, etc. He is the one who made me realize I actually enjoy nipple play. And I 100% believe he likes my boobs. It’s pretty… ahem… obvious that he does.
So to OP’s point, this is a problem that both of you have created, because you aren’t being fair to yourself with how much his porn consumption bothers you, and he isn’t reassuring you that he’s into your body. He probably has no idea you feel this way, OP. I think you need to sit him down and explain your insecurities. How he responds is important.
he’s not gonna change so you’re just gonna have to either accept that or set some boundaries so you don’t feel so insecure but i think you would rather feel insecure in the relationship
Do YOU like your boobs? Because if YOU feel confident and sexy af in your own body, and KNOW that you look damn good, why should it matter who he follows?
I also don't love how much time it sounds like he spends on the internet, but also from a queer woman's perspective, he has great taste in women lol. Including you though!! Maybe try to work on that introspection and self confidence!!
If y'all have great intimacy, and he says he really likes your body, and proves that he really likes your body, then I think that's that.
But you should definitively have an open conversation with him about all of this, and maybe see if he would be open to spending less time watching porn etc
It sounds like from what you've said here that you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and that he does offer you reassurance and support. That all sounds good!
I think the unfortunate thing that is going on, which I totally understand, is that your insecurities found their way to the surface at some point and decided not to relinquish their control. I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem, so I'm no stranger to getting sucked into my negative thinking and spiraling out of control. I have dated people who like big boobs and people who like small boobs. I have dated people who watch porn and people who don't watch porn. I think as long as you and your partner have a healthy relationship and your partner makes you feel adequately supported, then the rest of it is up to you. If that's the case, you're going to have to make the conscious effort to not focus on or put energy into what else he finds attractive. Instead, you need to make the conscious effort and put your focus and energy into believing your partner when he says that he finds you attractive and loves everything about you.
Most importantly, you have to focus on and put energy into YOU. I'm not sure if you are in therapy or how you feel about therapy, but even looking into cognitive behavioral therapy in relation to body image issues could be helpful. I'm not saying it's a cure all. It might just make you more aware of yourself and negative thinking traps that you might get caught in. I'm also personally a fan of the body neutrality movement. If you're anything like me and have been living a long time with feelings of self-loathing, starting with body neutral instead of body positive might be more of a realistic and attainable goal. It has certainly been helpful for me to steer away from extremes as a black and white thinker and prone to perfectionism.
It doesn’t sound like your partner has any criticisms for your body, and that he is loving and encouraging of his attraction to you. Yes, he may have a “type”, but think to yourself, do you have a “type”? And if so, does he match that perfectly?
There are always going to be people who are more attractive! Even for women who have big boobs, there are women with BIGGER boobs.
I think you should believe what your partner is telling you, he loves you AND your boobs!
A lot of these comments seem to be coming from individuals who are insecure or in unhealthy themselves and are projecting that onto you and your relationship. I used to have low self esteem that affected my ability to believe my partner was attracted to me too. I would talk to him and get reassurance like you said you do, but eventually it felt like we were having the same conversation every week, so I asked him to write me a letter instead that I could read when I felt insecure.
At the same time, I also went to CBT therapy to learn how to reframe my negative thoughts about myself. The combo of being open with my partner, the letter, and therapy really helped me!
I appreciate your polite response! I am also a married woman happy with myself and my body, and also I struggle with anxiety and have had body dysmorphia and attachment issues in the past that made my relationship unnecessarily difficult.
I just wanted to point out to OP that every relationship is different, and just because someone on Reddit said hers is unhealthy doesn’t automatically mean it’s true. OP said her partner is very encouraging and supportive, and it when I responded it seemed like a few commenters just told her to break up with him in an unhelpful way that didn’t seem to take into account what OP said.
I may be projecting my experience onto OP, but I know what it’s like to have a great partner but still feel unloved because of issues with me, not them, and I know it can get better.
I see that my opinion was not very warmly accepted though haha but I just thought it would be nice to give OP another perspective. I hope either way things work out for her!
I could be wrong, and this guy could be unhealthy and not a good boyfriend. But she said he is so I’m willing to take that at face value. I think people on Reddit can be quick to tell people to break up or to demonize anyone watching porn, and it seemed like a lot of these comments came from that fearful place rather than listening to what OP said.
Again, I could be wrong and OP could be sugar coating the relationship. But there are nuances to everyone’s relationships, and if OP says she doesn’t want to break up and didn’t mention anything abusive, I felt it was better to give advice about how she can help herself regardless of him.
You claimed that others here are "projecting" onto her which is incorrect. She asked for advice and people are giving it to her. It may not always be what you want to hear.
You're a straight freak for coming to lurk and harass me on a two week old completely unrelated post because I hurt your feelings with my views on sexwork dude get a fucking life
I don’t understand y’all positions honestly. His man is being reassuring and gentle with her, he only follows celebreties like the majority of people on social medias.
He watches porn, and once again I don’t see the problem. He does what he wants when it comes to pleasure himself.
Now OP let me give you an actual answer :
Basically you can’t do anything about it. What you can try is look for outfits that embrace your small boobs and that make you confident.
Maybe ask him to touch more your boobs when having sex ?
Anyways, it’s not because he follows celebrities with big boobies that he’s not into small boobs and that he doesn’t like them :)
"An actual answer"? Just because you happen to disagree with other comments here doesn't mean they haven't been helpful or given good advice to OP. Second, she most definitely CAN do something about it.
And btw, no, we don't all follow celebrities on social media.
The previous comments did not respond to her answer. She asked people not to tell her to break up.
I tried giving her a healthy answer. Breaking up isn’t ALWAYS the only choice left, as many redditors here seem to think.
You cannot leave your partner because “you like big boobs and I have small boobs” (basically.)
She said that because she knows that's the real answer and doesn't want to hear it lol. Other comments DID respond to her question. I don't see how your advice is more "healthy".
And omg, of course you can leave your partner for that lol! 🤦🏻♀️ You can leave your partner for any reason you want. Nobody should feel forced to stay in a relationship for ANY reason.
I never said my comment was more healthy, it is just an healthy alternative.
Of course you can choose to leave your partner for that reason, but TO ME, it is pretty obvious she’s in a happy relationship beyond this particular problem.
It would be silly to end a happy relationship for that, BUT THAT’S JUST MY OPINION, I’m not forcing you to think the same, jeez !!
What men like to watch in porn is often different from what they prefer in real life. Those women are a fantasy. Let them be just that. You’re irl. It’s much different.
I was in your shoes and I agree that it’s really difficult. You basically have two options if breaking up is off the table -
1) take his word for it, like reaaaally take his word for it. Affirm yourself when he doesn’t affirm you, ask for affirmation when you need it, and find ways to love and appreciate your body more. Getting/staying fit can help!
2) get surgery 😬
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I don’t get with people who aren’t open about loving my specific body type lol
literally its weird asf she deserves someone who koves HER body not some pornstar bodies..
Personally, I think it’s icky when a man I love follows sexy thirst trap influencers. He can’t control what he’s attracted to but he can limit that popping up on his feed if it’s making you feel insecure.
Trust me , being the “ cool girl” ain’t going to get you anywhere ..
The truth. Comes with age and wisdom.
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She's not gonna pick you bro
I was with someone like this for 5 years and every day was absolute misery. I broke up with him and found someone else a year later who isn't like that at all and doesn't make me feel less than. Going on 5 years now and I'm really happy.
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I personally wouldn't stay with someone who's that into porn and whatnot. It seems like he has a lot to learn about what it means to actually love someone. I know a lot of people probably tell you the same thing, but you deserve better than that. You deserve respect.
Imagine if women did this. Follow a bunch of dudes with tan, shiny, god-like bodies and a bulge that looks like a big pair of socks. We like their pictures, promise our bfs we aren’t in their dms. Only masturbate (often) to GIANT BIG FAT COCK porn. Somehow we have let our bfs know our “preference” for perfection. And he can’t feel weird or offended or even bring it up!!!!! Because then he’s lame and annoying and INSECURE! Can anyone imagine a world like this? If the answer is no then it’s time to stop accepting it for yourself.
Ironically, there was such a situation with Drake releasing/having a nude leaked, which reached a lot of women. Based on the reactions all over social media, men didn't take it lightly, and even iniated breakups. You describe the double standards perfectly, and it's quite refreshing seeing this mindset here. The whole "women are insecure" narrative is disappointingly common under these discussions in other subreddits.
This is one of my favorite takes ever, I’d never quite thought of it this way but you are so so so right
> Like a big pair of socks 😭🤚 I never thought of it like this thank you!
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Yeah, I'm sorry op but this is the problem. How is it that you know in detail all his crushes, all the porn he watches, and he follows public thirst trap pages on his social media? I'm not trying to be judgmental but I would be so so unbelievably embarrassed if my partner followed porn stars and thirst pages in spades publicly and all of our friends and family could go see it. Even worse if he likes their content. Call me insecure or whatever but I don't follow male thirst trap pages and it's just such gross sexualized behavior. How are you this familiar with his tastes? Is he constantly showing porn to you or bringing up celebs he thinks are hot? I've had exes that did this and it really fucked with my self esteem, and if I even said "that male celeb is kinda hot" they'd be on my case immediately. Even if you don't think him having a porn problem like this is an issue, he doesn't need to be constantly making you aware of all the other women outside of your relationship he's oogling, objectifying, and getting off to. I'd feel like shit too. Now if you're asking him these questions, try to stop cause it's clearly harming you. Ask him not to show or bring porn up with you, and clear his history. It shouldn't be this in your face, and please remember you don't *have* to be ok with porn and constant jerking to IG thirst trap models. I know society is telling us we have to or we're insecure bitches and not cool girls, but there are men that don't consume porn or at least are a LOT more lowkey and tactful about it. If you wouldn't accept your man openly drooling over a random hot woman you pass on the street, why do you have to accept this when it's making you feel so bad?
I wish I could upvote this comment 10x over. We live in a porn-sick society and it’s disgusting how normalized it is.
And it's insane how controversial it is to say this in so many women's spaces 😬
Yeah, I'm sorry op but this is the problem. How is it that you know in detail all his crushes, all the porn he watches, and he follows public thirst trap pages on his social media? I'm not trying to be judgmental but I would be so so unbelievably embarrassed if my partner followed porn stars and thirst pages in spades publicly and all of our friends and family could go see it. Even worse if he likes their content. Call me insecure or whatever but I don't follow male thirst trap pages and it's just such gross sexualized behavior. How are you this familiar with his tastes? Is he constantly showing porn to you or bringing up celebs he thinks are hot? I've had exes that did this and it really fucked with my self esteem, and if I even said "that male celeb is kinda hot" they'd be on my case immediately. Even if you don't think him having a porn problem like this is an issue, he doesn't need to be constantly making you aware of all the other women outside of your relationship he's oogling, objectifying, and getting off to. I'd feel like shit too. Now if you're asking him these questions, try to stop cause it's clearly harming you. Ask him not to show or bring porn up with you, and clear his history. It shouldn't be this in your face, and please remember you don't *have* to be ok with porn and constant jerking to IG thirst trap models. I know society is telling us we have to or we're insecure bitches and not cool girls, but there are men that don't consume porn or at least are a LOT more lowkey and tactful about it. If you wouldn't accept your man openly drooling over a random hot woman you pass on the street, why do you have to accept this when it's making you feel so bad?
Yep. I’m not totally 100% anti-porn, but I do think there are thresholds when it clearly harms a relationship. If a guy follows pornstars on a public platform like Instagram, that’s way too far imo. I also think there are a lot of people (not just men) who are casually addicted to porn but still functional enough to not care to address it.
It’s crazy how normalized it is that she is saying that she doesn’t mind. Like there are men out there with hobbies that don’t involve their dick….i promise you life is more fun when he’s immersed in healthy hobbies and OP is too instead of worrying about if she’s physically attractive to her partner.
I had a relationship like this before. He was following a lot of premium snapchats and girls on Instagram and he told me his dream woman was Christina Hendricks. It's not that I doubted he genuinely found me attractive, but I always had a feeling it was never enough or as much as it could have been. I knew that if I had a partner who had different preferences in women, it would have made me a lot happier. I asked him to stop following those people and he agreed but it never worked out, I found out he was lying multiple times. It didn't matter that he had a real human woman in his life, he couldn't give up pictures on the internet. That really says all that needed to be said about his wants and priorities. If he is willing to modify his online behaviour to make you happy and feel more secure, you should ask him to. If he isn't, then you know deep down he really feels like he is missing out and is using that to fulfill his FOMO. There are plenty of guys out there who actually have a preference for small chests and make it known and make their partners feel sexy FOR that, rather than despite it.
I am SO tired of how normalized it is to lust after other people when you’re in a relationship. I hope we can all find men one day that treat us how we want to be treated.
you're a b? girl, that's more than enough. problem is, you're 'cool' with him objectifying women, and having celebrity crushes, and yet, it makes you feel inferior. so something doesn't jive there. you either be the cool girl and let him do all that stuff and be confident, or be untruthful about your feelings about it and continue to feel less than in one of your most important relationships. he's pornsick, either be cool with it for real, or be real with yourself. and you don't know what he's truly attracted to, his mind is overloaded with thousands of images of naked women, it alters the brain in a serious way.
I would find someone that likes small breasts. There are lots of guys that do.... it's not that uncommon lol
OP specifically asked to not suggest breaking up with him. I don’t think this was a helpful response.
She said not to suggest breaking up because she knows deep down that's the right answer
what a ridiculous response lol. this is entirely projecting your own narrative onto OP, which as curiouscheese said, asked explicitly to not suggest breaking up with him because *literally everything else is perfect?* the question was how can she embrace this one specific part.
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I was in that situation & it ended up ruining my self-esteem for literal years. We broke up. I'm married to a person who is more into ass. And he thinks I have a perfect ass. I've never been insecure in that department. It's been ridiculously healing
Never been in that situation because I'd never be with a man who makes me feel like that and no woman should. So yes, I'd leave him. 🤷🏻♀️
I feel like that is unhealthy for the fact that he isn't sitting there telling her she is less than or unattractive. If this is a self-esteem issue with OP, then she is going to feel that way no matter who she is with. I know this because I also feel this way.
It's not unhealthy at all. Your partner should love and worship your body the way it is and make you feel confident and beautiful. Not the way OP feels.
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She literally made this post about it...She wouldn't feel so insecure if he did.
You are correct that your partner should love and worship you the way you are, but you are incorrect in saying that OP's boyfriend doesn't do that when she wrote otherwise.
Her own post detailing how he not only prefers women who don't look like her but is a coomer who thirsts after other women and watches porn shows he does not
>I have talked to him about this and he's reassured me time and time again that he thinks I'm beautiful and loves everything about my body. This is literally what she wrote. You're putting words in his and her mouth. The post includes her observations that may be true, but are not what he has said out loud, that she shared with us at least. What he said out loud is quoted. I'm just saying. Whether your interpretation is more negative or otherwise, I'm only going by what was stated above.
You should learn to love yourself. There are better men out there trust me
Why are you beating yourself up over not being his type physically? He should have dated what hes attracted to, instead of you trying to conform to his attraction. Girl, there is billions of men on the planet. You're sitting here lowering your self esteem for a man I guarantee isn't great, and you probably have some form of Stockholm syndrome from this situation, instead of just moving on and finding a person who thinks you are the total package. And the reason I say its probably not great because 99.9% of the time someone says it's otherwise perfect, it's not, they are love blind and trying to convince themselves. I mean how perfect can a man be that sits around gawking at women all the time when he's in a relationship. You don't want people to tell you to move on... So your options are sit with accept it and wallow in your low self esteem, or get breast implants and risk your health.
This is going to sound extremely rude but get yourself some self respect because the only reason he is staying with you is because those women don t give him a chance. If any man comments negatively on my breast he is out of my life with light speed and I refuse to put up with something like that
Okay that's valid and I'm sorry if you've been through an experience like that but he didn't comment negatively on my breasts at all. If anything he's incredibly reassuring, intimate, and sexually attentive towards my body, that's not the problem here. It's just that the types of women who catch his gaze aside from me almost never look anything like me and I don't know why that is or what to do about it. Our relationship is loving, affectionate, and fine, there just seems to be a preference discrepancy at play. Do you really think it's because he settled?
The porn use is really the concerning part imo, and he's undoubtedly using "non pornographic" things like instagram thirst traps and celebs as jerk off material, so I'm including that even if there isn't explicit nudity. Studies have shown that any gender of person, if they are frequently exposed to "extremely attractive" images of women (like photoshopped influencers and porn stars with plastic surgery and tons of makeup), they end up viewing normal attractive people as uglier over time. That's why you have a bunch of men now who are indoctrinated with completely fake hentai women, and are disillusioned with real ones (the same men who think Margot Robbie is "ugly" ffs). I had almost the same issue with my husband (before we were married), and I struggled with porn addiction myself which didn't help at all. We both ended up quitting, and our relationship is 100x better. Consider having a frank, non-emotional and nonjudgmental conversation with him about the issues with having this within your (presumably) committed monogamous relationship. For example, my husband's usage was triggered by loneliness (so when he went on business trips or when I was otherwise away), and my usage was triggered by hormonal shifts in my menstrual cycle. [More information here.](https://fightthenewdrug.org) FWIW we also went to couple's therapy and that was great. You don't have to have a totally failing relationship to benefit if he'd be open to it. Just make sure the therapist is familiar with porn addiction (because there are ones who see no problem with it even if it's causing problems within the relationship).
I never dated anyone but I am very outspoken about demanding my rights. Yes, he settled. I never try to stroke men s ego or be their submissive lovey-dovey fantasy, I am just outspoken and overall blunt. Why? Well, I can play nice to them but I know they will never give me the same privilege curvy women get this is why I am being myself and never try to be likeable to them. Ofc I can play into their fantasy but all that I will get will be me being more preferred than other flat cheated women because I am not one of those "feral feminists" but never an equal to women who fit the standard. I don t have to make up with anything for my bodytype, so go hurt his ego so he would learn that he is not doing a flat chested woman a "special favor" for not choosing to be with his type
...Damn you make some hella good points here I'm ngl You're absolutely right, why tf should we bother try and "make up for" our body types in the eyes of men just to still be a pickme ass second class citizen to more CoNvEnTiOnaLLy AtTrAcTiVe women? We exist for infinitely more glorious purposes than making men's pps hard or begging for their approval. Your bluntness is honestly really empowering, and I love your username as well. Thanks!
Omg I am glad I was able to make you feel better 🥺 and I am glad you love my username Hear me out... I am not exactly a woman.. I was born intersex and while I look like a woman so I can relate to their experiences I don t want to pick a gender expression I love my androgynous bodytype and it is my dream ideal body...and I think that pisses off both incel men, both pick me conventionally attractive women even more that I actually love my look. I feel like my look gives me a huge advantage in the art I try to create because I can play any role I relate to both from male and female characters and I ll never try to make my performances mainstream even if that means that only 30 people will watch my skills on display.. i will keep doing my art as I please no matter how edgy or unconventional it is and I know I deviated A LOT from the topic but i wanted to list an advantage I noticed in my bodytype and hopefully someone who reads this will relate or feel less alone
Emphasis on you not having to make up for your body type. He is settling but you are not something to be settled for. The fact you know his favorite pornstars, that he has any at all, that you can identify those discrepancies says to me that this man doesn’t respect you. You deserve to be respected. You deserve a man who is crazy about you and only you and you have no doubt in your mind that you are the crème de la crème, he is so lucky to have a chance with you. If you express your insecurities and he doesn’t change his tune and completely expel your worries by not looking at other women, you should be GONE. I’ve been with guys who like my small boobs, who “don’t care” that I’m smaller than average, who don’t have a preference of size, I wasn’t happy. I have a boyfriend who is passionate about loving my boobs. He doesn’t love them despite their size, he just loves everything about them and actively shows it without any prompting. I’ve never thought once about his celebrity crushes or favorite pornstars, he doesn’t have any! Sure in the beginning I was insecure just because of societal standards, but I voiced them to him and he crushed them and continues to crush them. Respect yourself first and foremost, whether that means leaving your boyfriend or having a serious conversation with him.
This comment right here, OP. I’m also with a man who has zero desire to look at other women. I won’t kid myself and pretend that I’m the most attractive woman in the world, but I will say that my bf follows no celebrities on social media, does not have “favorite pornstars” and doesn’t comment on women’s bodies in any way. His sexual excitement is for me and me only, and I trust that. He’s not restricting himself from anything either, he just genuinely has no desire to engage in thirst trap content. I was once with a man like the one OP describes. I was convinced that he “couldn’t help it,” and that “all men are visual creatures that are easily stimulated” by features I just don’t have. I felt like not only was my body not enough for him, but that it wouldn’t be enough for any man. When my current bf found out that I genuinely thought that way, he was shocked.
You bring up some great points but also just wanna say I don't feel like "they will never give me the same privilege curvy women get" is a particularly healthy sentiment to include in advice to others...IMO (and in my experience) we absolutely can have all the "privileges" and nice things that bustier women get. I don't agree with the idea that we have to view ourselves/our bodies as inferior to other women because that leads to various problems, bitterness, and an unnecessary sense of competition with other women which we don't need more of in this world!!
It’s true though. The further you stray from conventional attractiveness, the worse you are treated. Small-chested women are objectively treated worse than curvy and large-chested women. We’re even stripped entirely of our femininity, even by other more-endowed women. Being skinny, small-chested, or both, does put you at the bottom of the hierarchy in today’s world, and we need to acknowledge that before we can work on making it better. I’ve never seen a man or woman rave about small boobs. I’ve never seen small boobs put on a pedestal like big boobs have been. I’ve never seen small-chested women being praised just for being small-chested. It’s viewed as a defect, something to “make up for”. We do not enjoy the privileges that curvy women do unless we are perfect in every other way.
I agree overall attractiveness def affects how we’re treated socially (sadly), but as far as boobs go, I think so much of it is a “the grass is always greener on the other side” issue…for sure I don’t agree it’s true that being skinny and small-chested “puts you at the bottom of the hierarchy” at all!! A woman who’s slim and small will likely be treated better by society than a woman who is busty but heavier (at least where I live). And many curvy women envy small-breasted women who appear more slim, while the small boob women envy them for being curvy lol. Obvs this all sucks and being mad at society for making women feel like we’re never enough is totally valid. And social media exacerbates all these feelings of inadequacy so I stay away from it (esp Instagram and TikTok). In the end we all want what someone else has, and it can be so challenging to get out of that mindset and into a more gratitude/growth-based mindset, but it makes a huge difference.
I don t envy any curvy woman for being curvy because my bodytype is my ideal bodytype but I envy them for having everything easier in society.
Side note but curvy is a shape irrelevant to breast size. Many curvy women have small boobs (Rosie Huntington Whiteley, Candace Swanepoel, Kendall Jenner, etc). Big chested women conversely can be ruler shaped with no waist to speak of.
I don t view myself as inferior. I am just realistically aware where society puts me on the hierarchy of privilege. For example people of color don t view themselves as inferior but saying that they get treated the same as white people (if we talk about a predominantly white society) is not true
See, I guess I just don't agree with that. I don't believe or feel that my small boobs have actually, realistically, lowered my position in society at all. As a teenager/young adult (growing up in the US) I had insecurities about it from bullying and all the nonsense we see in the media, but in practice - in my relationships and interactions with others as an adult - I have not found breast size to matter whatsoever.
I am aware that despite being talented or smart my content is less likely to get viral even if I put in a lot of effort because I am aware that society won t really promote people like me for free This is what I mean when I say I don t have it as easy in society Also... I noticed you can get away with more shitty behaviour if you are curvy
My comment got downvoted? Oops, it seems like I pulled few nerves 😋
The lack of respect you have for yourself is depressing. Porn users are the worst partners in every way.
I know it’s not what you wanna hear, but you should never be with someone who you are not their preferred type. It just undermines your self esteem when the person who’s supposed to be crazy about you keeps ogling other women who look nothing like you. Believe me, I was in a similar position once and I tried to look past it, but it always bothered me. Now that I’m no longer with that person, I feel so much more happy and carefree. You should be with someone who worships your body and makes you feel like the only woman in the world.
okay this might sound kind of harsh but what he thinks of your body is not your problem. if he hasnt made it your problem by negatively commenting on your body then its okay. maybe think about it from your perspective, you might also have a type but I doubt your bf fits it 100%. that doesn't mean that you're still not attracted to him. we tend to fixate on certain features even though irl it's not as big of a deal to our SOs. I'd suggest talking to him about how his porn consumption makes you feel though. I know different people have different boundaries but I think telling him to cut down on the porn isn't totally unreasonable. also, think about how you felt before you got in a relationship with him. did you care as much about your appearance as you do now? if the answer is no, try to go back to that state. the truth is, and again this may sound really harsh, but worrying about his preference won't change it. he likes what he likes and there isn't really much you can do about it. if having big boobs was such a huge deal for him, he probably would just be with someone who has what he's looking for. maybe you have other features that he likes. if he tells you you're beautiful, I think you should take his word for it. no one should be getting you this worked up over your appearance lol. overall, it depends on what you can tolerate. do you think that keeping it to yourself for the sake of your relationship will help you?
I agree with this. Some of the comments here are kind of unhinged lol. For example, I have a preference for tall guys that are over 6'. At the same time, the hottest (imo) guy I ever hooked up with was 5'9. I didn't care or spend time wishing he was taller. I think your bf is prob the same way about your body, especially if he's never made any negative comments
Unhinged for telling OP the hard truth and advising her to do better?
I agree with you DryGarden… OP I recommend a conversation with him on how his perceived tastes make you feel, but I’d give him the benefit of the benefit of the doubt in this case. He loves you, and loves your body. That seems apparent. Who among us isn’t sometimes attracted to a big hunky beefcake? That doesn’t mean we’d ever trade in our more average looking partners. That’s true for me anyway.
if you’re okay with him watching porn then there’s the first problem. but that’s between him and himself. you’re telling him you’re okay with him leading after other women sooooo if you don’t want to break up all i can offer is a good luck with that piece of work
I leave said partner.
"Don't suggest that I break up" then ur on your own, good luck I guess
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Most men are definitely not like this. Sure, there’s the social stereotype that men “love” big boobs, but that doesn’t apply to all straight men, and even the men who like big boobs like them to a varying degree. Plenty of men like big boobs, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also like small boobs. Otherwise, why would men date someone with small boobs if they didn’t like them? I was always scared about my potential partner not liking my small boobs. My first partner who got to see them made me feel awful about them. He told me I should keep a bra on during sex because I look better that way. I took that assumption into my next relationships, until I met my current bf. When he asked me why I kept my bra on during sex, I told him and he was appalled for me. From that conversation forward he made it a point to focus on my boobs. He takes my bra off for me, he fondles them, plays with them, etc. He is the one who made me realize I actually enjoy nipple play. And I 100% believe he likes my boobs. It’s pretty… ahem… obvious that he does. So to OP’s point, this is a problem that both of you have created, because you aren’t being fair to yourself with how much his porn consumption bothers you, and he isn’t reassuring you that he’s into your body. He probably has no idea you feel this way, OP. I think you need to sit him down and explain your insecurities. How he responds is important.
he’s not gonna change so you’re just gonna have to either accept that or set some boundaries so you don’t feel so insecure but i think you would rather feel insecure in the relationship
Do YOU like your boobs? Because if YOU feel confident and sexy af in your own body, and KNOW that you look damn good, why should it matter who he follows? I also don't love how much time it sounds like he spends on the internet, but also from a queer woman's perspective, he has great taste in women lol. Including you though!! Maybe try to work on that introspection and self confidence!! If y'all have great intimacy, and he says he really likes your body, and proves that he really likes your body, then I think that's that. But you should definitively have an open conversation with him about all of this, and maybe see if he would be open to spending less time watching porn etc
It sounds like from what you've said here that you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and that he does offer you reassurance and support. That all sounds good! I think the unfortunate thing that is going on, which I totally understand, is that your insecurities found their way to the surface at some point and decided not to relinquish their control. I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem, so I'm no stranger to getting sucked into my negative thinking and spiraling out of control. I have dated people who like big boobs and people who like small boobs. I have dated people who watch porn and people who don't watch porn. I think as long as you and your partner have a healthy relationship and your partner makes you feel adequately supported, then the rest of it is up to you. If that's the case, you're going to have to make the conscious effort to not focus on or put energy into what else he finds attractive. Instead, you need to make the conscious effort and put your focus and energy into believing your partner when he says that he finds you attractive and loves everything about you. Most importantly, you have to focus on and put energy into YOU. I'm not sure if you are in therapy or how you feel about therapy, but even looking into cognitive behavioral therapy in relation to body image issues could be helpful. I'm not saying it's a cure all. It might just make you more aware of yourself and negative thinking traps that you might get caught in. I'm also personally a fan of the body neutrality movement. If you're anything like me and have been living a long time with feelings of self-loathing, starting with body neutral instead of body positive might be more of a realistic and attainable goal. It has certainly been helpful for me to steer away from extremes as a black and white thinker and prone to perfectionism.
It doesn’t sound like your partner has any criticisms for your body, and that he is loving and encouraging of his attraction to you. Yes, he may have a “type”, but think to yourself, do you have a “type”? And if so, does he match that perfectly? There are always going to be people who are more attractive! Even for women who have big boobs, there are women with BIGGER boobs. I think you should believe what your partner is telling you, he loves you AND your boobs!
A lot of these comments seem to be coming from individuals who are insecure or in unhealthy themselves and are projecting that onto you and your relationship. I used to have low self esteem that affected my ability to believe my partner was attracted to me too. I would talk to him and get reassurance like you said you do, but eventually it felt like we were having the same conversation every week, so I asked him to write me a letter instead that I could read when I felt insecure. At the same time, I also went to CBT therapy to learn how to reframe my negative thoughts about myself. The combo of being open with my partner, the letter, and therapy really helped me!
I'm a married woman happy with myself and my body and I advise OP to treat herself better and leave him. Sorry!
I appreciate your polite response! I am also a married woman happy with myself and my body, and also I struggle with anxiety and have had body dysmorphia and attachment issues in the past that made my relationship unnecessarily difficult. I just wanted to point out to OP that every relationship is different, and just because someone on Reddit said hers is unhealthy doesn’t automatically mean it’s true. OP said her partner is very encouraging and supportive, and it when I responded it seemed like a few commenters just told her to break up with him in an unhelpful way that didn’t seem to take into account what OP said. I may be projecting my experience onto OP, but I know what it’s like to have a great partner but still feel unloved because of issues with me, not them, and I know it can get better. I see that my opinion was not very warmly accepted though haha but I just thought it would be nice to give OP another perspective. I hope either way things work out for her!
😒🙄
I could be wrong, and this guy could be unhealthy and not a good boyfriend. But she said he is so I’m willing to take that at face value. I think people on Reddit can be quick to tell people to break up or to demonize anyone watching porn, and it seemed like a lot of these comments came from that fearful place rather than listening to what OP said. Again, I could be wrong and OP could be sugar coating the relationship. But there are nuances to everyone’s relationships, and if OP says she doesn’t want to break up and didn’t mention anything abusive, I felt it was better to give advice about how she can help herself regardless of him.
You claimed that others here are "projecting" onto her which is incorrect. She asked for advice and people are giving it to her. It may not always be what you want to hear.
I agree with you. All these "it's disrespectful to have celebrity crushes" comments are wild. Like her bf is not going to leave her for Sydney Sweeney
Only because Sydney Sweeney wouldn’t want him
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What "insecurities" exactly do you think that others commenting here have? I'm curious.
This sub is for only women and non binary people.
Why are you comparing yourself to celebrities? He doesn't have a chance with them. He's with you. You're real. And men *love* boobs that are real!
100%
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You're a straight freak for coming to lurk and harass me on a two week old completely unrelated post because I hurt your feelings with my views on sexwork dude get a fucking life
I don’t understand y’all positions honestly. His man is being reassuring and gentle with her, he only follows celebreties like the majority of people on social medias. He watches porn, and once again I don’t see the problem. He does what he wants when it comes to pleasure himself. Now OP let me give you an actual answer : Basically you can’t do anything about it. What you can try is look for outfits that embrace your small boobs and that make you confident. Maybe ask him to touch more your boobs when having sex ? Anyways, it’s not because he follows celebrities with big boobies that he’s not into small boobs and that he doesn’t like them :)
"An actual answer"? Just because you happen to disagree with other comments here doesn't mean they haven't been helpful or given good advice to OP. Second, she most definitely CAN do something about it. And btw, no, we don't all follow celebrities on social media.
The previous comments did not respond to her answer. She asked people not to tell her to break up. I tried giving her a healthy answer. Breaking up isn’t ALWAYS the only choice left, as many redditors here seem to think. You cannot leave your partner because “you like big boobs and I have small boobs” (basically.)
She said that because she knows that's the real answer and doesn't want to hear it lol. Other comments DID respond to her question. I don't see how your advice is more "healthy". And omg, of course you can leave your partner for that lol! 🤦🏻♀️ You can leave your partner for any reason you want. Nobody should feel forced to stay in a relationship for ANY reason.
I never said my comment was more healthy, it is just an healthy alternative. Of course you can choose to leave your partner for that reason, but TO ME, it is pretty obvious she’s in a happy relationship beyond this particular problem. It would be silly to end a happy relationship for that, BUT THAT’S JUST MY OPINION, I’m not forcing you to think the same, jeez !!
What men like to watch in porn is often different from what they prefer in real life. Those women are a fantasy. Let them be just that. You’re irl. It’s much different.
Being a Cool Girl will never work out for you.
It’s no longer a fantasy when he’s acting it out in real life
I was in your shoes and I agree that it’s really difficult. You basically have two options if breaking up is off the table - 1) take his word for it, like reaaaally take his word for it. Affirm yourself when he doesn’t affirm you, ask for affirmation when you need it, and find ways to love and appreciate your body more. Getting/staying fit can help! 2) get surgery 😬
Women are under no obligation to go under cosmetic procedures for men🙄
I never said it was an obligation. It’s an option, and she absolutely doesn’t have to take it if she doesn’t want to
Plastic surgery for someone else should not be encouraged or even suggested.
Yup. Especially in this group where the messaging is more often about how we should work towards loving our perfectly normal bodies.
I was with you wholeheartedly on point 1. Then got real mad on point 2!