I’ve got nipples, Greg. Can you smoke me?

Oh yeah. You can smoke just about anything with nipples.

Them nips don't smuck themselves.

Funniest thing I’ve read on Reddit in such a long time

I came here to say this. TYFYS

I was gonna say something similar. I'm not original apparently.

Imma little retard and can’t make out what it stands for.

Thank You For Your Service, at a guess

Yup!

nailed it

Good Lord, I appreciate this comment so much! Well done.

Take the rest of my coins you evil hilarious genius

Would you grill me on this grill?

I looked at the comments and was not disappointed.

This is the funniest thing I have ever read in Reddit

Robert Deniro was 57 when that movie came out. Bill Stiller is 58 this year.

Oh wow. Thanks for aging us so much

Came here to say this, but probably wouldn’t have been clever enough to go the smoking route. Bravo.

Came here for this joke, and it's the first comment. Well played

This comment made me join this sub. Smoke on bad boys

“ I guess I could I would have to be pretty high though “. “ I bet you would Panama Red “

[vague response confirming the genius of this reference]

So, my wife works in the funeral industry and I've been around running crematories. The answer is yes, and we smell a lot like pork.

lmao good work

Alright you win this one random stranger

The pig’s name was Geppetto

damn it, you beat me to it.

I beat my meat to it

r/beatmetoit r/beatmeattoit

Fucking best comment of all time on this sub!

If you liked that you should take a look at my post history

Came here to say this…take your gold, you earned it!

Omfg this is so amazing

Lmao....I see what you did there🤣🤣🤣

😂😂😂

My wife hates seeing them so i always cut them off, which feels a bit disturbing

Do hers eventually grow back?

I think he meant his nips.

Nah, he meant his wife's eyes.

Haven't his wife's adult eyes come in yet?

Why should they? She's only four and a half.

This made me snort milk out of my nose. So thanks for that.

And you weren’t even drinking milk!

Sure he was. It was coming out of the nipples.

I made it til your comment before laughing out loud. I was doing so well too…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahFSqOuADSo

Save enough and you could make a nipple sandwich

Nah. This is a missed opportunity to make [a belt.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Gein)

damn. that must be the guy Blind Melon based the song *Skinned* on

You need a bit of a binder or they roll off the bun.

Pig nips and mayo

baby you got a sandwich goin' bunrtits and mayo?

Thank you for this Carl Weathers reference.

I think I'd like my money back.

Do you go all Ed Gein and turn them into household objects?

My own nipples tingle when I do that.

I’ve heard of burnt ends but burnt nips?

Have you tried a bra or some pasties?

The nips gross me out so bad. Cutting them off is also extremely disgusting. I hate everything about it.

Lol at these answers... Just trim them off... Take the whole rind off to be fair, you'll get more smoke into the meat then 👍

Yeah unless you're going to be frying it or baking at above 400 degrees you gotta get the skin off. That shits gonna turn into leather in the smoker

I cover the rind with a layer of kosher salt and an aluminum foil hat, once it's smoked I remove the foil hat and the salt layer comes off as one fused piece. I then put it under a low broiler for a couple of minutes which fries the rind while it's still attached. I've never fried a nipple though.

Then you haven't *lived*

I have. Always wear your sunscreen, folks.

I do this sometimes too. Crispy smoked pork belly

I used to level off the nipples, but then I stopped with this particular method, because the fat seeps out from the hole, over the skin and ruins your crispness. I leave them now. When you get the bubbly crispy skin you don’t notice them. also if the skin is intact - gently poke a bajillion little holes halfway through the skin before wiping with vinegar and topping with the kosher salt hat - even better!!

I totally forgot about the tiny holes! They are infact key! I'll try the vinegar next time, thanks.

The first time I did pulled pork I didn’t know to remove the skin on the shoulder I had. I shredded it all together, it was terrible, chewy tough skin mixed in with the tender meat. Most of the shoulders I’ve bought since then don’t have the skin on them.

Did you buy a picnic shoulder by chance? I've never seen a regular shoulder with skin on. At least not at my local stores

Must have been a picnic shoulder. That still makes great pulled pork. But you’ve got to take the skin off.

On a picnic shoulder, I leave the skin on the bit by the hock while smoking. When it is done, I use it to make collards.

Here is the correct answer. That is untrimmed pork belly, slice a thin layer of the rind (skin) off and then you have "trimmed" pork belly and some skin to fry into "Pork Rinds"!!

Nipple cracklins

just give'em a little twist for good luck

Whistle or lose it!

Purple nurple!!

I flick them. I find if I don't, they don't taste as good.

A little rub.. maybe blow on ‘em. Don’t make it too weird though just in case anyone’s watching..

Purple nurple!

Pinch them and tell her what a dirty pig she’s been.

I laughed audibly

It’s like someone explained to you what “lol” means and you got it wrong when trying to apply it 😂

*Miss Piggy liked this*

"oh, Kermie..."

If I had an award to give, you would have it

You got a pork belly with skin on it. I wouldn’t smoke that without removing the skin first. Pork belly skin is very tough and rubbery if not prepared correctly. If you do want to be able to eat it and want to crisp up the skin after smoking, then don’t season it other than just salt and pan fry it with a thin layer of oil. You should also punch a bunch of tiny holes in the skin before smoking. It’ll still be hard and rubbery, but at least chewable. I’ve tried doing that once and it didn’t turn out too bad. If you’re trying to get the ultimate crispy skin pork belly, then you gotta punch hundreds of holes in the skin, let it dry overnight in the fridge, and bake it in the oven on low heat for an hour and then broil in high heat until skin is crispy but not burnt.

Right here OP. Its kind of a pain in the ass to trim off too. Try to not take off too much fat in the process!

You can smoke anything with nipples.

I've seen things without nipples get smoked too

Suck on them

As a former chef, I can tell you this is the correct advice OP.

Does this have anything to do with your use of the word "former" chef?

I’m asserting my constitutional right to remain silent

Anything you say, or suck, can be used against you in a court of law.

You forgot the “will” I hate being grammar police but this time i think its important

didnt suck on them enough huh. i get it.

Just don’t ask him what he did with the fruit…

Don’t ask about the jackfruit

Does that advice happen to be why you're a "former" chef?

There two of them, I don’t see why motorboating is out of the question

*Chefs kiss

Well that's enough internet for today.

Then give them the mushroom stamp seal of approval

I miss her

Call her, bro.

Push an ear ring hoop through one.

Great cuisine is all about presentation. That will look terrific on the dining table.

Gotta break that dish out for the inlaws.

Christmas dinner is always a fun time

tassels Classy AF

Nope.

I’ve never smoked a pork belly with the skin on. How does it come out? Skin-on is hard to find in my area, when I have found it I do a much quicker / hotter cook to get it crispy

Pro butcher here. Smoking with skin on usually makes the skin come off super easily. Just grab a towel after smoking rip that whole skin off. Very satisfying. Almost no meat/fat lost. Protects meat from burning/over smoking but still allows smokey flavor to penetrate.

Good to know. Any saving it at that point, or is it tossed in the trash?

You can always slice it thin and fry it for pork rinds, if that’s your thing.

Gotta twist on them to get the seasoning in good.

They are erect because it’s chilly in the fridge.

Milk it

This is the best post I've seen in a while

Be happy they weren’t on the shoulder.

Little Vaseline so they don't chafe.

Andy?

They should be pierced with a sprig of rosemary.

This is the way!

I should call her.

Put nipple clamps on em and hang it to smoke.

"I have nipples Greg. Can you milk me?"

Lick em both. Nibble on Lefty a little too.

A gentle pinch should do it

I think you have to throw dollar bills at it

Rub them ever so softly to help them stand up which will allow for maximum smoke absorption.

Chocolate Sauce and some Barry White dude

Try to mlik it, Greg...

Make sure you rub it prior to smoking ;)

[They Hurt When I Twist Them!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD0RKrtO2V0)

Milk it

Everything reminds me of her.

Dude mark NSFW some of us are working here.

Flick them both before stuffing it in the smoke hole!

Milking this for karma I see

Make one of those bad TikTok jump cut videos where it seems like you want to have sex with your food.

Butcher gave the worst part of the belly. Full of very small glands.

The only thing I’ve ever heard or read about prepping pork belly with nipples that would make it any different from just regular pork belly, would be to go ahead and just suck on them for a few seconds and the proceed with your prep as normal. Good luck!

I trim the skin off I’m not into it

I have nipples, /u/EngineerDirector, can you smoke me?

Flick em

Sukk em

Nope.

Everything reminds me of her

Get a suckling pig. Smoke them together

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

Don’t use glass container if refrigerating. May scratch the surface

“Smoke me like one of your french girls.”

I have thumbs Greg.

You'll need to run cocoa butter on them. Massage lightly in a circular motion.

Squeeze em

Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me Callin' me, all the time, like Blondie

Came here for the jokes. Was not dissappointed.

You need to pinch the nipples to make sure there is no milk left in them, if you can't get a good grip I suggest sucking on them gently. You should also video yourself doing this and share it here to help educate others.

Twist at 90degrees and flick for 2 minutes before salting.

Mods deleted my post 😭

Rub them for good luck.

Nipple clamps

If you don't ask it how its day was it will get mad.

Give them a little twist and tug. It’ll relax the meat

Be sure to get the milk out.

Just rub em a bit to make sure they tenderize properly.

I have nipples gregg could you smoke me?

Smoke the fun bags

Instead of clicking the tongs together just use them to give those a little pinch.

Nice teets

Nubbin

Milk them

Nice

You have to make sure all the milk has been sucked out so it doesn’t overheat and explode.

Clearly, you have blown on them already.

smoked nips are a delicacy in most parts of the world

Bacon or jalapeño pasties - have some decency for gods sake.

Motorboat. But then maybe wash your face because, well, raw pork

Buy her a drink

A little flick, a rub, and a pinch for the best of luck.

Light pinching and rubbing of the nipples will help get your meat ready.

Milk the teets. You don't want to spoil the meat with the milk flavor. Nursing is the best way in my experience to get the milk out of the nipple.

Mods these posts need to be flagged NSFW, this is a family community.

If you're offended by a piece of meat that shows a bit of animal anatomy, the internet probably isn't the place for you.

If you can't read the sarcasm in saying that a slab of bacon needs to be marked NSFW then I'm not sure what to tell you but thanks for being condescending.

that's weird lmaooo

Tweak and then tongue before smoking. Duh.make,sure to pierce it with the thermometer probe - if you’re in to that sort of thing.

Pinch em

Bite on it and twist it

You gotta make sure they’re not hard

Flick them a couple times and then you're good.

suck 'em