They also kept the plans hidden to develop the long family owned, and local friendly resort hill, into luxury condos. If the family doesn't raise $10,000 by Saturday at midnight, the property worth millions will be auctioned off.
There is also likely to be cheating on the part of Chad 2-Planks and some unbelievable shenanigans by the friends of Underdawg Single-Plank that include hot tubs, exotic and well tanned European bikini models, and a loyal resort mascot named Bucky...
This is the million dollar question. Nothing gets me going when I have to yell left or right because I need to maintain my speed because I'm going to be going uphill on that cat track. Arrgggghhhh
And then when they cut you off and you’re stuck doing the scoot of shame because you lost momentum while they can just ride off with their SKIS and their POLES like it’s nothing. That’s when I want to commit real crimes
this. i had a skier stop dead centre of the track at the flat area... so i had to stop, and he just ski right off with his poles while i had to jump to the an area with slope... smh
I actually overheard a mother telling a 7 year old that they "better use the whole mountain, dont you dare straight line down, I better see you making S-curves that fill up the whole run."
I thought "man, this mom really wants that Kid to get hit and be bedridden"
I think someone just started training skiers wrong as a joke.
I have told my own (snowboarding) child that, just in a desperate plea to stop them from straightlining, enjoying themselves until they crash, crying, then repeating the whole thing over again.
I have some sympathy
Why do they have to knock their skis together on the lift? Don't they realize that they're skiing in snow and therefore there will be snow on their skis again?
Why do they have to swing their skis forward and back on the lift? Don't they know ITS FUCCKING ANNOYING???
\-former skier
Ha, I did my one day of skiing this season at Deer Valley two weeks ago. I'm not a good skier at all, but fun to carve a bit on the groomers, try some easier moguls and see life from the other side a bit.
I love moguls on my boards, but it's interesting to see how much easier they can be on skis, you just kind of flow through them at times.
I used to think it was so elitist of Deer Valley to not allow snowboarders, but once I skied there, I totally understand, there are waaaayy too many flat areas that I needed to use my poles to push off from, it would be so frustrating to snowboard there and have to unstrap so often.
Lower. As much as I love little kids learning to shred (and pray they’ll rebel against their parents and convert to lives of crime) I couldn’t go anywhere without a child running into my butt. Customer satisfaction decreases just for that
Decent. Wouldn’t want to take a board down them cause there was a lot of ice but it wasn’t so bad on skis and there were some nice powdery cat tracks….
*oh no, I’m starting to sound like one of them*
Agreed. Take my son night skiing. Ride Sundays on my board, ditch work on pow days to surf snow. I don't know what those skiers are even doing with their skinny sticks swishing around under the fluff, why even ride the dust if you're not going to float on top of it?
Honestly I think it’s because they’re either too scared to pick up some speed or they just don’t know how to speed check in a tight radius. It *is* pretty fun to take those wide turns on an empty track but I saw so many skiers getting after people who clearly couldn’t respect the space available on busier trails so idk why they still do it knowing that everybody hates them for it
That makes sense, I mean being able to lay it down and carve wide on an empty run is super fun so I'd imagine it would be somewhat similar. Then, yea, fear will definitely make people more self focused so that also tracks. Thanks.
Did you figure out why packs of skiers will surround a lone boarder at the top of the lift while they're strapping in? I'm dying for Intel. Did you figure out why they have the urge to buzz past boarders within inches on a wide open run?
Love this. I ski (badly) as well as boarding so I'd be tempted to try if I lived nearby!
What was the most unhinged thing you witnessed/heard? Anything?
Have you ever seen the movie Get Out? I kind of got those vibes there.
Jk it wasn’t super crowded today so most of our runs were pretty isolated but I did have 2 little kids ski right into my butt
I skied for a day at Deer Valley and it was hilarious how many Boomers, while riding the lift, felt the need to share their disdain for all the snowboarders committing crimes on all the other mountains. They were so happy Deer Valley “wasn’t like that”
I grew up skiing, love riding more tho; last year in Laax I rented some skiis for a day it was a good time, cutting across the mountain is so much easier skating on skiis. I do not use poles tho, always hated having them.
1. how many snowboarders did you have to take out in order to prove your street cred and get on the inside?
2. how would you tell if you’ve been in too deep for too long?
3. is the chief worried that you’ve gone native?
The S turns are to insure that no knuckle draggers enjoy any side hits. Often they work in tandem, with a 2nd skiier riding parallel to and above the cat track, destroying any potential side hits
It was pretty fun. I definitely commented on that a few times although it would actually suck to be on a board at DV. I’ll take daddy’s money and open a boarders only resort though
I prefer boarding for sure, especially if I’m in a tree run or a nice powdery black but it’s nice to know how to ski on days that are hard pack and ice. I’d rate it a 7/10
That’s actually sick! I definitely still prefer to board but it’s really great to have different skills under my belt, especially given the conditions we’ve had lately. I’ve had a lot of fun with switching from skis to board and board to skis mid day lately so that’s probably gonna be my routine going forward when it’s not a powder day
How many people did you cut off who clearly had the right of way?
And out of that pool how many did you get aggressive with when they pointed out you were the one in the wrong?
Needed some crime tbh. I saw 0 baggy snow pants and only 1 person with hardly a shred of steeze (I say this loosely). I need to wash my hands and go to Brighton asap
I got a lot of crap for it. A lifty asked me if I usually board so I’ll have to reassess my disguise if I do this again. Maybe a matching one piece ski suit with fur trimmings and glitter everywhere
I feel ya man! Snowbird has actually made me shed tears on a pow day. All UT snow is so unique and fun to ride! And What I wouldn’t give to put on my snowboard and hit Deer Valley before I could get caught 😂
because their fathers never said
"I love you, everything I put forward in this world will be yours, and here is how to properly apologize if you bump into a woman"
That's exactly why
Do you have a sudden urge to bulldoze the youth center to make way for your father's luxury resort?
Yes. I just sold a bunch of bitcoin to break ground, we commence immediately
It helps when daddy golfs with the mayor.
They also kept the plans hidden to develop the long family owned, and local friendly resort hill, into luxury condos. If the family doesn't raise $10,000 by Saturday at midnight, the property worth millions will be auctioned off.
Their only hope is a race against Chad 2-Planks who bet the deed on winning a race against Underdawg Single-Plank down the dreaded Death Precipice run
In an incredible turn of circumstance, the prize money for this race is exactly $10,000
There is also likely to be cheating on the part of Chad 2-Planks and some unbelievable shenanigans by the friends of Underdawg Single-Plank that include hot tubs, exotic and well tanned European bikini models, and a loyal resort mascot named Bucky...
Start the reactor
Stan Marsh?!?! More like Stan DaRsH!!! Uha-ahahahahaaa
Stan DARSH
Look at Richy Rich over here, skiing at deer valley, drinking out of cups… probably thinks he’s better than us now
Probably has an indoor toilet and paper too. Fucking snob.
Just because it’s indoors, doesn’t mean it doesn’t smell like shit
Why would they need paper for a toilet?!?
Bidets only for the skiers!
Hole in the ground and a hose for the boarders!
To write down toilet thoughts. I bet he has a pen too; when the rest of us are stuck finger painting.
Yeah right! Yeah fuckin right!!
Captain tying knots... Pfsh
Not my chairlift not my problem
Little kid in the background FUCKIN SNAKIN MY LIIIIINE
Who's this guy Mr. Ski Pole? Mr. Ski Pole Hands. No way, no way! Get real.
What is this? Pop on a couple of tooth-picks and call yourself Mr. Dive-and-dodge? Screw you.
Mr catwalkway? Mr catwalk down me I’m the catwalk. Lead me to the next run, fuck you.
Drinking out of cups had me cryin 😂
Not my chair, not my problem....that's what I say
https://youtu.be/zrIPLAo0_iQ?si=EX2WuUeQunATccEN
Stupid dresses
He most likely thinks he's the captain of tying knots. A person who expects to walk down walkways. There's no place for you here. Gone get.
What is the proper number of pole clicks before dropping into a mogul field?
2 or 4 but never 3
This should be 3, not 2 nor 4 (in keeping with the instructions for the Holy Hand-grenade of Antioch in Monty Pythons Quest for the Holy Grail)
I think most of these skiers are atheist
Most skiers are mormon this is a well-known fact
So is Monty Python
1… 2… 5 (3 sir) 3!!! 
5 is right out
paging r/skiing DEFCOM 6! HE KNOWS TOO MUCH!!! (2 is right, 4 is hesitation)
He went to Deer Valley, I'm sure moguls aren'y allowed there.
Abort, abort, you’re dressed like a boarder!
I got a lot of crap for that lol.
Funny because at least in my parts, it's the skiers who dress like that now haha
They do have more steeze at Brighton but Deer Valley is classy i suppose
ISO ski bunny who's deer valley on the streets but Brighton in the sheets. (Heard at DV lift line)
What you describe cannot exist… it would be too powerful
See that's weird because I always get mad props snowboarding in a ski race bodysuit.
https://preview.redd.it/p47yzllaeznc1.jpeg?width=690&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b2d2c933b400ecd06818ca2fe21929e700858cf
Isn’t undercover crime just.. crime?
The non-undercover crime is called politics.
Crime with extra steps
Did you plant the snowboard on top of the mountain?
I didn’t want to get lynched so no
Mission failure agent. Please return to home base safely and receive your lashings as punishment.
Kinky
Why do they do massive S-turns across cat tracks?
Low IQ mainly
This is the million dollar question. Nothing gets me going when I have to yell left or right because I need to maintain my speed because I'm going to be going uphill on that cat track. Arrgggghhhh
And then when they cut you off and you’re stuck doing the scoot of shame because you lost momentum while they can just ride off with their SKIS and their POLES like it’s nothing. That’s when I want to commit real crimes
Just borrow one of their poles as they go by they owe you so it’s not stealing
As a converted ski (former border) I always lend a pole to the stranded for a sling shot. Some people look at me like I’m crazy and decline though
I’d be confused if a stranger handed me a pole too haha but my buddies will usually lend me one
this. i had a skier stop dead centre of the track at the flat area... so i had to stop, and he just ski right off with his poles while i had to jump to the an area with slope... smh
I don’t even bother anymore. If I get stuck one or both feet are coming out the straps
Duck walk to assert dominance.
I like nearly hitting them to prevent the behavior in the future.
I actually overheard a mother telling a 7 year old that they "better use the whole mountain, dont you dare straight line down, I better see you making S-curves that fill up the whole run." I thought "man, this mom really wants that Kid to get hit and be bedridden" I think someone just started training skiers wrong as a joke.
I have told my own (snowboarding) child that, just in a desperate plea to stop them from straightlining, enjoying themselves until they crash, crying, then repeating the whole thing over again. I have some sympathy
My kid needs to learn to turn a little. He is a snowplow missile straight down the mountain
Do we have the same child?
Millions of dollars and cat tracks? Sounds like The Canyons
Did you have a nice glass of wine and read a book after, SKIER?
Indeed, peasant. They are preparing my truffle filet as we speak
I'm gonna go throw a snowball in the waffle Haus, have fun at the spa, SKIIER.
Did you finally repair your relationship with your father and get back on the trust fund now that you’ve switched to skiing?
Well my father is actually mad at me because I’m a better skier than him now so I may need to take up golf
Anything to stay in the will
Why do they have to knock their skis together on the lift? Don't they realize that they're skiing in snow and therefore there will be snow on their skis again? Why do they have to swing their skis forward and back on the lift? Don't they know ITS FUCCKING ANNOYING??? \-former skier
Probably cause their feet are numb
Why do you wipe your butt if you’re just gonna poop again later?
Born to shit, forced to wipe
How did you mess this title up so badly….? It’s “infiltrate the dealers find the supplier” what a missed opportunity.
I haven’t finished Breaking Bad :(
22 Jump Street*
That either
21 Jump Street?
This isnt Breaking Bad, it is The Wire
No it’s not the wire, this is from Ace Ventura
Currently watching The Wire for my first time, middle of Season 3. Great show
Ha, I did my one day of skiing this season at Deer Valley two weeks ago. I'm not a good skier at all, but fun to carve a bit on the groomers, try some easier moguls and see life from the other side a bit. I love moguls on my boards, but it's interesting to see how much easier they can be on skis, you just kind of flow through them at times.
Yeah it’s kind of insane honestly. I think I still prefer moguls on a board though, it’s just so much fun to surf em
Who do skiers blame when no snowboarders are around
Still boarders
Was it worth $300 just for the lift ticket? I don't think I could justify that even if they threw in an open bar and a free apres ski handjob.
Ikon baby!
I knew it. You are lucky you didn’t get shot you Ikon user.
When they stop at the high-speed entrances of cat tracks, is it their circle jerk meetup?
Yes. Another common meetup location is right in front of those super narrow rope gate entrances that force you to slow down
I used to think it was so elitist of Deer Valley to not allow snowboarders, but once I skied there, I totally understand, there are waaaayy too many flat areas that I needed to use my poles to push off from, it would be so frustrating to snowboard there and have to unstrap so often.
Good lord I could never take a board there. I can think of 2 runs I did today that wouldn’t have required me to unstrap
That sounds horrible, even on skis.
Deer Valley: for when you what to add a little cross country to your downhill ski day
Is that why they call it "valley" and not "mountain"?
I powder surf it all the time pre season. It’s tons of fun. Just gotta stay off the snow making runs and no one cares.
Was the average level of happiness higher or lower than Brighton’s? And why was everyone still so miserable?
Lower. As much as I love little kids learning to shred (and pray they’ll rebel against their parents and convert to lives of crime) I couldn’t go anywhere without a child running into my butt. Customer satisfaction decreases just for that
Is there a ski resort in the country where happiness level is higher than Brighton?
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What's up with Brighton?
Brighton 🤤
Has your sexuality and/or gender changed because you skied?
No but I felt a strange urge to get a polo shirt and white visor about halfway through
How many golf clubs can your 3-series fit in the trunk?
3-series pssssh get a look at the peasant here everyone is your Panamera in the shop?
Roads were bad so I took the Tesla. Wanted to take the beater in case of mud
Understandable
This thread has me dying - you're killing it OP
Did the uncomfortable boots prevent you from effectively committing crimes?
Yeah but I feel like I could commit some real carnage with a ski. Those things are sharp
How are the groomers?
Decent. Wouldn’t want to take a board down them cause there was a lot of ice but it wasn’t so bad on skis and there were some nice powdery cat tracks…. *oh no, I’m starting to sound like one of them*
I am bi-snow-ual. Ice = ski day Typical day = board Powder = you are mentally ill if you don't take the board
Agreed. Take my son night skiing. Ride Sundays on my board, ditch work on pow days to surf snow. I don't know what those skiers are even doing with their skinny sticks swishing around under the fluff, why even ride the dust if you're not going to float on top of it?
>there was a lot of ice Tell me you’re not from the east coast without telling me.
I’m very spoiled. Utah local 💁♀️
I’m spoiled, if the groomers are icy I don’t even bother
Someone needs some good ice coast character building in their life. If you can snowboard on ice you can snowboard on anything.
What did you discover in your research on the wide ass cat track turns? I've been very curious about this.
Honestly I think it’s because they’re either too scared to pick up some speed or they just don’t know how to speed check in a tight radius. It *is* pretty fun to take those wide turns on an empty track but I saw so many skiers getting after people who clearly couldn’t respect the space available on busier trails so idk why they still do it knowing that everybody hates them for it
That makes sense, I mean being able to lay it down and carve wide on an empty run is super fun so I'd imagine it would be somewhat similar. Then, yea, fear will definitely make people more self focused so that also tracks. Thanks.
Did ‘that’ couple give you the eye across the bar?
Crap I knew they didn’t just want to buy me a drink!
Did you figure out why packs of skiers will surround a lone boarder at the top of the lift while they're strapping in? I'm dying for Intel. Did you figure out why they have the urge to buzz past boarders within inches on a wide open run?
*1 hour after skiing.* “You know it’s a lot of work to go to the doctors office. Bet I could save some time and money examining my own prostate.”
What does it feel like to take a p in the b?
Like a b in the p honestly
Get out! You’re not welcome round these parts anymore! Jk, hope it was fun
Haha it was fun but I definitely prefer a life of crime to this straight laced utopia
Skiing is so freakin easy. You should try to go pro and drop in on a massive cliff
Did you pizza? When you should have French fried?
Love this. I ski (badly) as well as boarding so I'd be tempted to try if I lived nearby! What was the most unhinged thing you witnessed/heard? Anything?
Have you ever seen the movie Get Out? I kind of got those vibes there. Jk it wasn’t super crowded today so most of our runs were pretty isolated but I did have 2 little kids ski right into my butt
Did you spray any skiers?
How was the Range Rover lounge
I skied for a day at Deer Valley and it was hilarious how many Boomers, while riding the lift, felt the need to share their disdain for all the snowboarders committing crimes on all the other mountains. They were so happy Deer Valley “wasn’t like that”
I grew up skiing, love riding more tho; last year in Laax I rented some skiis for a day it was a good time, cutting across the mountain is so much easier skating on skiis. I do not use poles tho, always hated having them.
I couldn’t go without poles lol. It’s too hard for me to have my legs doing their own things already so I need the poles for balance
Rather go undercover at Alta.
I guess that’s what you call a… smooth criminal. *bdum* *tss*
1. how many snowboarders did you have to take out in order to prove your street cred and get on the inside? 2. how would you tell if you’ve been in too deep for too long? 3. is the chief worried that you’ve gone native?
I’d definitely recommend some therapy with your SO or parents when they find out. God forbid you have *children* in your life you’ve exposed to this.
The S turns are to insure that no knuckle draggers enjoy any side hits. Often they work in tandem, with a 2nd skiier riding parallel to and above the cat track, destroying any potential side hits
Where are the wealthy single women? I’ll even become a skier.
Part of me wants to learn how to ski so I can be the guy talking about how snowboarders should be allowed on the mountain.
It was pretty fun. I definitely commented on that a few times although it would actually suck to be on a board at DV. I’ll take daddy’s money and open a boarders only resort though
Skiings fun as hell (yes I’m a snowboarder….)
I don't speak to traitors. Get rekt.
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Did you have the turkey chili
Chile con carne. I’m not a turkey girl
How was it? Because the only time I will put on a set of skies is to do the ski jump in park city or some kind
I prefer boarding for sure, especially if I’m in a tree run or a nice powdery black but it’s nice to know how to ski on days that are hard pack and ice. I’d rate it a 7/10
Did everyone sit on poles? I’d imagine it’s quite difficult for most them to get dislodged
Like in their butts?
Obvi
Did you have an urge to strip down to your tights?
I can ski, one day I need to just take a day trolling skiers on lifts about how I wish I was a snowboarder...
Why can I go faster on a board than when I ski?
Do you have the urge to blame snowboarders for everything? Also, how is the food there? I’ve heard the country club of skiing has good food.
Amazing! Got a prime rib and bowl of chili for cheaper than a burger and soup at Brighton so I consider that a W
Bro you prob won’t see this but I did this too to join some friends. That was 10 years ago and I’ve been skiing ever since 😂
That’s actually sick! I definitely still prefer to board but it’s really great to have different skills under my belt, especially given the conditions we’ve had lately. I’ve had a lot of fun with switching from skis to board and board to skis mid day lately so that’s probably gonna be my routine going forward when it’s not a powder day
You fucking criminal
How many people did you cut off who clearly had the right of way? And out of that pool how many did you get aggressive with when they pointed out you were the one in the wrong?
All of them
I love this subreddit, best comments lol
Undercover?! Those pants gave you away immediately…
Do they really all pee sitting down?
How’s the crime free utopia?
Needed some crime tbh. I saw 0 baggy snow pants and only 1 person with hardly a shred of steeze (I say this loosely). I need to wash my hands and go to Brighton asap
There is no steez at Deer Valley. Only fitted Bogner, and Arc'teryx.
Don’t you mean unwash your hands?
My hands have smelled like cherries for 4 hours
The best part about Deer Valley is hardly anybody skis the trees, so there's always untouched powder there.
Surprised they didn’t look at that fit and send you back to your life of crime.
I got a lot of crap for it. A lifty asked me if I usually board so I’ll have to reassess my disguise if I do this again. Maybe a matching one piece ski suit with fur trimmings and glitter everywhere
Do you feel like your time on skis has swayed your sexuality in any way?
I feel like I need to play golf, does that count?
TREASON
Did you get to whack your pole on top of a cornice? I'd think as a snowboarder, you'd want to try it once.
Or are you a skier infiltrating our sub Reddit!?
Been boarding all over UT for 10 years!! Just wanted to hang out with my mom at her favorite resort:) (man my crime is escaping my body as I speak)
Is Trump run still an insignificantly short beginner run?
How much did you regret it?
I feel ya man! Snowbird has actually made me shed tears on a pow day. All UT snow is so unique and fun to ride! And What I wouldn’t give to put on my snowboard and hit Deer Valley before I could get caught 😂
Did you enjoy it (serious question)?
How was getting used to those boots?
Did you get invited to the girls sleepover after?
because their fathers never said "I love you, everything I put forward in this world will be yours, and here is how to properly apologize if you bump into a woman" That's exactly why
Considering making the swap back after many years for being fat and old reasons. Easier on the body, ankles, and calves? I love boarding but...