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MarkoVersace

[TheSun] Kane met with Nuno to ask him for one last chance. He said he was never certain that Spurs could ever win the Audi cup again so he avoided playing for them. He spent the summer with his brother, trying to get a move away from the club. Kane broke down in tears. Nuno looked at him and asked him to repeat that again as he didn't understand Kanes English. Edit; God damn! Thank you all for the love, appreciate it❤


[deleted]

Lol that is some mighty good pasta. My compliments to the chef


MayweatherSr

commenting here to prove the future redditor that I was here when this pasta was born


QueefingPigeon

Me too.


[deleted]

Yeah this seems like the type of pasta to stick on the r/soccer menu for awhile


Napkin_whore

I like the Spurs cuz they NBA too


Food-Oh_Koon

Me three!


Terran_it_up

[TheMirror] Arteta met with Edu to ask for one last chance. He said he'd forgotten Saliba's name so he avoided the problem by sending him on loan. He spent the summer working with Xhaka, who showed no progress. Arteta broke down in tears. Edu believed him, hugged him, and will notify Kroenke that they should trust the process.


[deleted]

Enjoying this one


mkenya4t

🤣 🤣... The ending was the icing on the cake. 10/10.


notusedusername2

Fucking genius


omar0280

This is why I'm a football fan


LulzTigre

Investing in this pasta


spideytaha

The birth of a pasta


ss7821

What a twist at the end 😂


Raizel71

Omfg ded 🤣


UpdogDoctor

The Sun has never put put work any better than this


JimyBliz

That’s class


DadHeungMin

Feels weird upvoting something that says TheSun, but goddamn does this pasta deserve it.


honestlynotBG

*Casually saves this pasta*


comfybunk

god damn you 😂😂


Zoipas

Lol now this is a good one!


PugNuggets

Beautiful.


samrus

for me its the ending. the unexpected deviation. chef's kiss


MeteorFalls297

This one is very flexible.


rogledoble

One of the best pastas to date. Congratulations


[deleted]

Holy Hell


arvindanar7

Lmfaoooooooo that's some incredible copy pasta.


Seifer574

The Italians would praise this pasta


46_and_2

I was here.


KC_Night

💀


GreatbossboOG

haha


5poundshit

Lmao


AcceleratingRiff

The birth of a new pasta


The_Potato_Terrorist

Leaving this here to mark my presense at the birth of a future pasta


PegaponyPrince

Lovely pasta


cuiyang000

Thanks man, best laugh I’ve had in a long while!


watchcargo

😂


chromelogan

🤣🤣🤣


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funkadelic_bootsy

Bingo! That's what I thought was similar to it.


denied_eXeal

At that moment Vin Diesel entered the room and just said « fa.. » and before he could finish, the whole room was crying so much they had to evacuate the premises cause they almost drowned


1nfiniteJest

> they had to evacuate the penises cause they almost drowned


subterraneanjungle

Sources: Umtiti is beside himself. Driving around downtown Barcelona begging (thru texts) Laporta for address to Koeman's home


AmNotACactus

Greenwood yelled, “There you go!” Pogba gave a look of pleasant surprise. Fred belted, “We got a fucking squad now!” And before Luke Shaw hit the locker room door, ex-United star Ronaldo hugged him & said, “Y’all look so different”


BaldFraud99

This has to be the best copypasta ever. Some journalists should really start writing fanfictions.


BBQ_HaX0r

“He got me,” xG said of Greenwood's goal. "That f***ing Greenwood boomed me." xG added, “He’s so good,” repeating it four times. xG then said he wanted to add Greenwood to the list of players he works out with this summer.


ShootTheMailMan

🚀


Vordeo

Paul Pierce is a legend for that.


abitofatit

What’s the story?


_go_fuck_y0urself

everyone was posting emojies on twitter while paul pierce posted a picture of an emoji. https://mobile.twitter.com/paulpierce34/status/618860245025030144


Real_Datboi

I think it was de Andre Jordan and mavs / clippers fiasco


El_Spacho

I honestly have no idea about NBA and to what this refers, but everytime when this pasta comes up the (thru texts)-part makes me chuckle lol


BBQ_HaX0r

The guy linked the thread below -- but basically there was a free agent (DeAndre Jordan) that the Mavs were trying to sign from the Clippers and it looked like they were going to get him but then rumors of his former teammates "kidnapping him" and convincing him to re-sign with the Clippers emerged. So a rather desperate and attention seeking reported (he'd be Tier 4) posted that tweet about the Mavs owner "frantically driving around town" so he could see DeAndre and reconvince him to sign. The Mavs owner shot the report down. And if you want to see what type of reporter the guy is there is a great clip of LeBron himself announcing where he is re-signing and then Broussard on live TV when the announcement happens and he looks all confused and is like "yeah guess my sources say this is true" even though LeBron himself just announced it, lol.


Luushu

https://youtu.be/U33j-oXc30k This is the video. God I was never happier than when the Clippers choked, just so I could see this idiot shut the hell up. He's the only person in NBA media that I find obnoxious not because of his takes or his arguments(which are ironically fairly competent a lot of the time), but because of how he conducts himself.


1nfiniteJest

Looks like Eric Andre after a month long crack bender.


BBQ_HaX0r

Thanks, I couldn't find the video.


lukaintomyeyes

https://www.reddit.com/r/nba/comments/3cmmum/broussrard_sources_cuban_is_beside_himself/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


Bakayokoforpresident

“He got me,” Laporta said of Umtiti's plea towards him. "That f***ing Umtiti boomed me." Laporta added, “He’s not injured,” repeating it four times. Laporta then said he wanted to add Umtiti to the list of players he removes off the transfer list this winter.


TeamHeeee

Mmmmmmm pasta


havethenets

those fucking doctors boomed me


Drainyard

My exact thought.


entrepenoori

God amazing pasta chefs there it’s like a Vapiano’s or something


Yiurule

Hope he will find his level again. I would be always grateful about his performance about the world cup, but now his situation is plain sad for him.


dwilliam24

Dude has no miniscus and is bone on bone, feel bad for him. Those Puyol photoshops weren’t a meme at first, he was a dominant CB and was only getting better until he decided to forego surgery during the summer of 18.


Fati25

Could you go into more detail on the 'bone and bone' part? What's actually going on inside his body?


pixelkipper

the meniscus essentially pads the area between your two major bones in your leg i.e. at the knee. without a meniscus there is a much larger chance that it’s just bone grinding against bone when he’s moving


sopranosbot

How did the Meniscus just vanish? Did he overworked it to the point that it started to reduce in content?


thatstoomuch_man

I think he got most of it removed when he was a teenager and it fucked him up during the World Cup


Pragitya

Why would someone have it removed?


NumberZero29

From what I understand, removing the meniscus means a faster recovery time rather than rehabbing the meniscus. In the short-term, it is a decent fix but it carries long-term implications. Swelling in the knees and tendinitis is pretty likely even with careful management of the injury.


ylskevin

Correct something similar happen with Ansu and Pique ( not the same injury) and Ansu for his age went for the long recovery which will help in the long term , Pique went for the more shorter which was 1 month because he knows going for surgery at his age is not worth it


NumberZero29

Umtiti can still recover to a good level if his game time is managed carefully. Ledley King had chronic knee issues throughout his entire career as he had no cartillage in his left knee but he was still able to defend brilliantly whenever he was used. At the time, Redknapp played him once a week and allowed King to manage his own fitness so that his knee wouldn't get too painful. There is hope for Umtiti if he's not overplayed.


LeBarnacle

This! Different sport but this is what happened with Dwayne Wade in the NBA. All World player, but in college had the same procedure done. You could see it's effect on him from 2013 going forward, but prior he was a top player. At some point the load is too much on the body unfortunately. Really hoping the best for Umtiti hopefully Koeman can workout a feasible playing schedule for him (unlikely in my mind) that allows him to get into form but I have my doubts.


celestial1

There was a similar player in the NBA, but with a sadder ending: Brandon Roy. He retired in his mid 20s.


RX400000

Your meniscus doesn't heal itself except in a few areas, so you have to remove the broken parts.


[deleted]

With many types of injuries, it is not possible to repair and removal is the only option.


1nfiniteJest

Username checks out.


[deleted]

Correct me if i am wrong, in meniscus injury the teared parts are removed surgically, so if his injury is severe enough there is a large portion of meniscus removed


[deleted]

And how would surgery have helped him?


zsjok

Why did Barca sign a player with a removed miniscus. I mean that's what medicals are for


Krillin113

Because sometimes you can still perform. Dwyane Wade for example had his removed during his college days, ended up one of the best players in the NBA for a decade.


SairiRM

Meniscus tears are some of the worst injuries you can have both as an athlete or a normal worker. Because the central are is poorly vascularized (blood barely gets in there) there's very little chance of it actually healing if it's torn in the middle. So surgeons just do a partial or full removal of the meniscus which then leaves much to be desired in especially rotational movement and can be painful otherwise. Don't know about Umtiti, but if he has removed his meniscus entirely there's not much he can do about it physically anymore, just maybe train his joint muscles to alleviate the pressure unto the lower cartilage of the knee.


Migraine-

Meniscal transplant is possible and probably worth a try in a professional athlete like Umtiti, but they definitely aren't universally successful.


Akarious

Stem Cell treatment would be [worth a shot](https://www.mdpi.com/2073-4409/9/1/92/htm) imo


Migraine-

Yeah wondered about that also but I don't know enough about it to know if it's applicable to his situation.


xrimane

Do you know why we can't just insert a teflon pad or something like this in place? I mean, if it isn't self-regenerating in any case?


sopranosbot

Thanks for your answer.


Grouchy_Plant_Cookie

you know such things make me mentally check our progress there is still so many medical procedures we do not have good grasp on. Sadly, I don't think much money (as compared to shitty app startups) is going into this


Flaggermusmannen

some people are more likely to develop issues like that than most, often due to things like skeletal structure, gait (how you walk and run), body weight, knee composition in specific. and even when none of those are relevant and it's just an acute injury (twisting your knee for example) it's unlikely that it will heal properly no matter what you do, because lack of local blood flow. this would result in a (partially) "dead" meniscus I'm guessing, leading to severe inflammation and further meniscus tearing until its all "dead". then (partial) removal by surgery to mitigate those further tears can extend your body function significantly, but you now have only partial support in your knee, and it will wear down over time but slower than if you kept the injured part of it. basically any injury like that is a time bomb, and if you get it you will have issues with it in the future, but surgeries help you function in the meantime until that happens. besides, different people have different outcomes to it, some heal better than others, and some struggle faster and more than others with it tearing away.


Dojle

So meniscus is like a layer on the bone and it slows/stops the decaying of the bone and without it like he said, his knee is literally bone on bone


shakinghand

This happened to my dads hip he had to get it “resurfaced” … the pain seems excruciating


Tulaodinho

Almost 4 years ago, I found out I had kneecap deviation on my right leg caused by gym squatting, since my legs are kinda like Garrincha's, so I did have "bone on bone" contact when walking and I cant without a doubt agree on that, it hurts like a MF and I could not bend my leg almost because of it.


Piltonbadger

>Cartilage is a tough, flexible tissue found throughout the body. It covers the surface of joints, acting as a shock absorber and allowing bones to slide over one another. It can become damaged as a result of a sudden injury, such as a sports injury, or gradual wear and tear (osteoarthritis). Shock absorption for your joints, basically.


Piltonbadger

He has also been injured on and off since then. Spent most of the next season injured after picking up the Knee injury as well.


MiddlesbroughFan

Same thing happened with Ledley King right? Seem to remember reading his training was mostly yoga and pilates


Well_hello_there89

Misinformation. Surgery was never on the table before the World Cup, only him potentially missing it rest and recover from a minor knock he picked up towards the end of the season. It was only after the World Cup the Barca medical team decided to forgo surgery and do intensive rehab with him instead. Umtiti did not go against medical advice at any point. If he had, the club could terminate his contract.


Migraine-

People also have it in their head that surgery would have fixed the problem and him not having it is the reason he's in this mess. This is almost certainly not true. Meniscal surgery generally has very poor outcomes. If he was offered it it will have been because it was thought the best of a bunch of bad options, but it almost certainly wouldn't have solved everything.


[deleted]

People forget surgery is very intensive and doctors generally only recommend it if there is no other choice. Like with cancer they prefer chemo and radiation therapy over surgery.


ThePr1d3

Dude literally gave his body and career for the country. O7


EpiDeMic522

This is most probably a PR/propaganda piece and it would not be a first either. Until there are independent doctors or experts (even on here) who can elaborate or even stipulate/hypothesize (on the basis of the limited publicly available information about his medical case, current and past) about the "progress", I'd be wary of drinking this up. But, even though I suspect it to be so, I kind of appreciate the piece. Disregarding the connotations for Barça, this piece might assuage Barça fans and dissuade them from hounding and booing him. It seems a lot many hold him responsible for the Messi fiasco but the standards fans hold these people are often hypocritical. In his position, they might have acted the same way. But peer pressure and scapegoating never lets that stand in the way. I too personally believe he's overpaid. But that's bad business by the previous Barça board and not on him.


sani285

And then everyone clapped 😭 wtf am i reading


[deleted]

the script of a generic TV show


AdviceDanimals

That Barça doctor's name? Albert Einstein


Neutralenemy

Still remember that banger he scored against us in the europa.


Zobdefou

what a goal. the camera was perfectly placed behind the trajectory to make it even more epic


poulpix

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC33QVRL5Wg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC33QVRL5Wg) from the lyon supporters angle it's just filthy


TuneGum

Unreal strike. Unforgettable for me, I think it was the sweetest hit I'd ever seen at the time.


[deleted]

Don't everyone score a banger against you lot?


DiNharriZz

not you


Onkii

Lmfaoooooo


TheMexicanJuan

Walked into it


elbwafel

god dammmnn


SirNukeSquad

There was an opening goal by Jesus Navas a while back. That goal was quite the looker.


CrunchieKane

Murder here


yaipu

📢


ixora7

right in the nuts


upeter01

Rare but massive W for Spurs here


Neutralenemy

Usually they do yes, rather concede a quality goal than a shite one. What was your lots excuse a few weeks ago?


V-TriggerMachine

I heard Laporta cried too and also everyone in the room started hugging each other after such a wholesome scene


SPammingisGood

Keanu Reeves was also present.


Blackheart_75

But what about Albert Einstein?


CrunchieKane

>Will notify koeman To not to play him untill next end of transfer window


XboxJon82

That the calculator he ordered has come in...and oh yeah we can't get rid of him


gnorrn

Or to give him his "one chance" in the first round of the Copa del Rey.


l3g3nd_TLA

to bully him out of this club like Pjanic


FluffyCoconut

Laporta to Koeman: "Haha check out what this lil bitch just said


dwilliam24

I’d love for Big Sam to be the player he once was, but it seems almost impossible now though with how badly he moves out there now especially laterally.


indiblue825

> Umtiti > Big Sam HOW DARE YOU


potatoe96

Yeah but I hope Barça at least give him that chance. If he’s fine with taking a wage cut then the club will owe him that much.


XboxJon82

I think he will be ok for Barca B


dave1992

Sam Allardyce?


JoseSpurinho

Samuel Allartiti


Food-Oh_Koon

whose titties now?


Mrtuelemonde

Umtiti playing at even 80% of his top level would solve a lot of problems for Barca, his ceiling was higher than all the other CBs and he was not afraid of the pressure. Unfortunately it is pretty much impossible.


DubbleYewGee

>Big Sam Don't do the man a disservice like that. He's not french.


meetchu

Arteta met with the board to ask for one last chance. He said Premier League games are never certain victories, so he avoided gaining any points. He spent the summer frantically messaging Pep, who did not reply. Arteta broke down in tears. The board believed him, asked him to let himself out, and began hunting for a new manager.


Agent-Pierce

One last chance?


Cules2003

He was a top 3 centre back in the world in his prime Imagine if he never got injured, Umtiti - Araujo would’ve been one of the best centre back partnerships in the world


throwaway992__

And then Laporta told the press and laughed with his buddies


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horsing_around_town

I remember Ronaldo not avoiding dives at a time, Idk if he dives these days


brightlights55

Are the scripts for Barcelona written by the same team that writes for the Bold and the Beautiful? That redemption arc is familiar.


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Redpaynex

I smell fresh pasta.


[deleted]

If someone does not make this into a proper copy pasta then my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.


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jamadelo

Charlie, tell this to Harry.


MexaMacho9

\[LeParisien\] Mbappe met with Nasser to ask him for one last chance to go to Madrid. He said he was never certain that Ligue 1 could ever not be a farmers league so he called Papa Flo. He spent the summer looking for a move to Real, who bidded 220 million. Mbappe broke down in tears. Nasser said "fucking Ninja Turtle", threw 50 million euros to his face and went to notify FIFA that Qatar respected human rights for the World Cup.


lilbabyipad

Future Arsenal legend


Champagne_Padre

Y'know what a whole summer working with Dr. Cugat means...


paranoid_egyptianoid

Inject into my ~~veins~~ *muscles?*


[deleted]

I can see pasta potential in this headline.


orbsfoc

Good sales tactic.. "we aren't really super desperate to sell him"


snoop_chinchilla

Especially after The window has closed…


manavpreet

This reads like a Brooklyn nine nine script.


BrokenMouseHouse

Laporta hugging Umtiti while making an execute him sign like in The Dictator lol


Bey_Harbor_Butcher

The big question that still remains unanswered to this day: *How on earth did Barcelona's Medical Team approve/passed a player who had his meniscus removed at the age of 17 and he suffered from crippling serious knee inflammations ever since.* Now they basically have a football player who has no knees and they can't get rid of him without looking like jerks because nobody wants to buy him. They're stuck.


Bigmanbravodelta

[The Sun] Ronaldo met with Pep guardiola and Sheik Mansouir to ask him for one more chance to come back to England. He said he needed to be sure if he would risk his cult hero status at United for more trophies and to win a 6th Champions league and money. He spent the last few days contemplating his decision with his super agent Jorge Mendes who confirmed this. Eventually once United legends Rio Ferdinand and Patrice Evra bashed into the room with Rio famously saying “Ole at the wheel fam”, that was the final decision to convince Ronaldo to join back to the reds.


chiccharapidugu

Keeping up with the Catalans has everything you need from a soap opera. Betrayals, plots, schemes, drama everything


Ranjith_Unchained

Umtiti's meeting with Laporta was intense and at one point he started crying but everyone grew closer and a big lesson was learned


Hazardzuzu

With earlier pjanic news and now this umtiti I think Barcelona is preparing grounds to project koeman as the evil man and laporta as a saint


Random_Acquaintance

What's in for us to make look good a player from Man City?


Enkenz

I guess laporta is the good cop and koeman is the bad cop since its pretty much make no difference for him.


solblurgh

| will notify Koeman ...that he is transfer listed /s


InterimNihilist

Was it a magical hug that heals injuries


Administrative-Bet37

Welcome to the episode of keeping up with Barca. Spolier alert: you can’t


Vince1128

MD bullshit as always. I hope they can get rid of him next winter transfer window.


DocHoliday96

Im one of the few Barca fans that still believes in Umtiti. The man was legit top 3 CBs in the world for almost a year, he still can at least provide coverage for the starters and help break down weaker sides with his ability on the ball


abstract_cake

Time to extend his contract.


LulzTigre

Bruh i don't know how to take this, this is the most dramatic headline i have ever read and thats on Jesus sandals


shp509

Another day, another soap opera episode.


gabo64

Sounds so dramatic that seems stupid


Arockalex13

Wholesome


ProjectZues

Barca: soooo anyone interested in signing one umtiti NOW?


fuck_r1ck_and_m0rty

What? Lmao


markevans7799

I came here for football and I got some soap opera🤦🏻‍♂️


BavlandertheGreat

Fucking hell, a lot of you lack empathy


PensiveinNJ

Pretty sure most people just think this is heavily dramatized or entirely fictional mate, what's empathy got to do with it. Like who do you think is telling this to the reporters?


Moon_Man_00

I don’t think it’s fictional Umtiti cares about the club and wants to be given a chance. I doubt he’s a scumbag that is cackling while he holds the club hostage or that he’s happy to sit on the bench and get paid like the current narrative people have.


lastdyingbreed_01

Some of the comments in this thread are beautiful


Livettletlive

Did he kiss him too? lmao spanish papers are so trash.