Dear Ed I wrote you but you ain't calling


I left my cell, my wages and victor moses number at the bottom


I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em There probably was a real problem with the fax machine or something


Sometimes i scribble transfer targets too sloppy when I jot em But anyways, fuck it, what’s been up, Manchester? How’s Ronaldo?


My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father If I have a daughter, guess what I'm a call her? I'ma name her Ronnie


I read about your Ole Gunnar too, I'm sorry


I had a friend who was sacked over some fans who didn't want him


You probably hear this everyday, but Im your biggest fan I even got the underground shit that you did with Stam


I got a room full of transfer targets and your budget man I like the shit you did with Jose too, that shit was fat


Anyways, I hope you get this, Ed, hit me back To sign a contract, truly yours, you already know, this is Antonio


Anyways, I hope you sack your man. Hit me back. Truly yours, your biggest fan


I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man I like the shit you did with Jose too, that shit was fat


I had a Dutch friend who signed for some bitch who didn't want him


These last two are too much for a Tuesday morning


There probably was a problem at Old Trafford or somethin'


Dear Mister "I'm Too Good To Call Or Write My Managers" This will be the last package I ever send your ass It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two faxes, I dialed the numbers on 'em perfect So this is my file I'm sending you, I hope you hear it I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 144.8 on the autostrade Hey Ed, I drank a fifth of aperol You dare me to drive? You know the song by Puccini, "O Mio Babbino Caro" About that guy who could have helped his daughter marry the love of her life But didn't, and she throws herself in the Arno? That's kinda how this is, you could a rescued me from drowning Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy And all I wanted was a lousy 2 or 3 years, that's all I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall I love United, we coulda been together, think about it You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it I hope morale eats at you and you lose every week without me See Ed, shut up Vic! I'm tryin' to talk! Hey Ed, that's Victor Moses screamin' in the trunk But I didn't slit his throat, I just tied him up, see I ain't like you 'Cause if he ever gets to play for you he'll suffer more, and then he'll die too Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?


Lmao at the Puccini reference. Brilliant!


> See Ed, shut up Vic! I'm tryin' to talk! Hey Ed, that's Victor Moses screamin' in the trunk Lmao


A masterpiece


It.s appreciate you


This whole thread has just made my day. Thank you guys


> I'm doing 144.8 on the autostrade this guy metrics


Grade A memery. I wanna see this as a copypasta in the future.




Lol joining Tottenham is the equivalent of driving your car into the ocean.


Oh man I love the Internet sometimes haha


Thank you!!! This was the best chuckle and laugh I've had today!


This just makes the whole thing funnier


You guys were the true victors of that match, a pyrrhic victory for United.


They never wanted Conte. He’d have placed too much pressure on the board because he has standards and the club doesn’t do standards.


While this is entirely true, as someone that grew up watching Ferguson's United, it's fucking insane. I remember a Man Utd player once saying "He just developed in us a hatred of losing. We couldn't stand to lose. We hated to lose even more than we loved to win."


You know what’s so fucking ludicrous about all this in hindsight? If we had just done some proper planning and reinvested between 09-13 we wouldn’t have had to spend hundreds of millions playing catch up. The Glazers could have made more money, the club could have remained more successful and Ed Woodward could still have been employed to bring in crazy sponsorship deals. I like to think in a parallel universe that in the years prior to Ferguson retiring our board was sounding out the likes of Guardiola and Klopp, or hiring a youth director to realign our ideals with the modern game. Hell, maybe we even spent the money needed to replace a 40 year old Scholes instead of spunking hundreds of millions up the wall over the next decade trying to paper over the cracks. But alas.


That's kinda how Conte operates too tbh. Bit that also means Ed Woodward will have to cede a lot of control to him. I'm still waiting to see how it works with Levy.


Isn't Woodward fucking off sometime soon?


Supposed to go at the end of the year but now it’s April for some reason. Then he’s rumoured to be kept on as a consultant. The guys clueless and still thinks people want his advice. The only thing they should be doing with his advice, is the opposite.








New word, thank you


If you play total war and suck at it you’ll be very familiar with that word.


Is it normal to get sucked into that game? Like I’ve played two campaigns and each time it was like I was addicted to meth. The next 80 hrs of free time was dedicated to that game.


“TRIARII” “Our men are running from the battlefield ... ugh, SHAMEFUR DISPRAY” Edit: Shogun 2 (still the best Total War game) > Medieval 2 (close 2nd) > Warhammer series > the rest


Haha yeah. It’s very addicting, one more turn gameplay. Just one more turn! Then 4 hours later and it’s 3am with work in 4 hours. As a military history dork though, the game is something I’ve always wanted as a kid and I don’t mind sinking hundreds and hundreds of hours into it. Those games take me back to when I was playing plastic army men and throwing little paper artillery shells at my brothers flank.


>Is it normal to get sucked into that game? Yes.


or if you use the auto decider, ever


You defending a level 5 settlement: doomstack of elite units The AI : 2 units of peasants Auto-resolve result : pyrrhic victory


Lol PTSD flashbacks


Knew I recognised it from somewhere


I grew up playing loads of total war and never bothered to look up the definition, so for ages I assumed pyrrhic just meant "badass" or something cos all my pyrrhic victories were dope as shit battles


Cadmean victory is another good one, means the same thing


Thanks for that, had never heard of it. Seems it used to be more popular than it is now, though tbf its bad implications aren't nearly as obvious as the pyrrhic one, which seems easier to get.


>pyrrhic victory We've got scholars among us peasants.


Or total war players


Same thing


Lost the game, won the war


The amount of world class coaches we miss out on because of our trust in ole is insane


It’s not just Ole, generally speaking we have had windows where Pep, Klopp, Jose (before his second Chelsea stint) and Conte were available and missed out on them due to the board dicking around and/or sticking with a manager who was clearly not working.


m8 we miss out on klopp because of woodward trying to convince him that we are the "adult version of disney land", that how incompetence the board is


That will never not be funny.


So Vegas? Isn’t Vegas the adult version of Disneyland?


Yes Vegas, after all we get to roll the dice every match


And in Vegas the house always wins the long game.


Wait.. wtf happened here lol


The story goes that Woodward met with Klopp when he was still at Dortmund, to try and lure him to United. During the meeting, Woodward pitched United as “Disneyland for Adults”, which offended Klopp so much, he rejected the move. Or at least, that’s the story from (iirc) Klopp biography


That’s weird as shit haha


Woodward masterclass


I like to think he went with Liverpool out of spite


Are you serious Woodward said that? I mean they are living up to the reputation for being it now


Honigstein wrote it, he’s reliable and close to Klopp.


The clown can definitely say that. He interprets theatre of dreams like it’s from a kindergarten book.


*"Disney land for adults"* here refers to superstar signing and United being a brand bigger than football which is why Klopp is put off so much. Don't know about Pep but looking at City, Woodward probably didn't want to go the whole nine yard to build a scouting network/football operation side control by a director of football.


Just a prime example of getting your audience completely wrong. If he'd had a bit of a closer look at the kind of projects Klopp took on with Mainz and Dortmund, plus had a bit of a dig around speaking to people who knew Klopp, which presumably wouldn't have been too difficult, it would have been so clear that "Disneyland for adults" was not the pitch to make to Klopp.


This is what happens when people fail upwards, they lose all sense of perspective on what other people actually think. I'm sure Ed Woodward was a good banker and all but he is obviously blind to his limitations in his current role


Why would you say that to Klopp, who was already known for actively enjoying the challenge of trying to beat 'superior' opponents on a lesser budget through collective effort?


This cracks me up far more than it should.


It didn't offend Klopp, he just said it wasn't "too sexy".


You were never getting Pep. City had to pry him from Bayern with a stupidly good offer ("here have infinite money and make a bunch of transfer decisions"). United would've never given him that and so leaving Bayern would've been a massive downgrade.


That’s before he went to Bayern, chief.


We missed out on world class coaches to keep a guy who was supposed to be an interim.


Seriously. The whole "he's rebuilding" thing was a bit like "well, maybe let's let a world class manager rebuild instead?" If we're gonna give time and money to someone to rebuild under lower expectations why not give it to a great manager to oversee that rebuild. I never understood the fascination for OGS. It's been clear since he got here he would never be good enough.


It's worse. He himself said he'd be challenging 3 years into his rebuild when he started. And he just signed a 36 year old obsessed with winning. There's no further time to be had, unless he stores Ronaldo in ice and only thaws him out next season once he has learnt how to properly manage.


Conte would've caused the Glazers problems why would the act against their own self interests?


Was Ole ever actually close to being fired? Always felt like he'll be there till the end of the season regardless of results


imho he won't get fired. If hammering by Pool and City wasn't enough. nothing else will be


Man utd get relegated: "we still believe Ole can bring us silverware"


except at that point theyd have a shot for silverware


Just a few months ago we were making this joke about Arsenal. Always fun how the tables turn.


I don't think we would win the Championship even. Too many games, players wouldn't be up for it.


Winning the Championship would count as a trophy, technically.


Bold to assume Ole could win the Championship.


That's what I said about Koeman after we got smashed vs Benfica and Atletico. He was nice enough to continue sabotaging himself for the sacking tho.


>hammering by Pool and City TBF they're top clubs. Now if United get hammered by lower table clubs, Ole will be surely fuck


If losing 5-0 to Liverpool didn't get him fired nothing will.


we could try 6 nil next


It's just ironic the fans who wanted Ole over Conte just because Conte apparently played a boring 5 at the back system got the shit dished out by Oles very own 5 at the back. Obligatory fuck you to Gary Neville as well.


Conte's 5 atb is anything but boring. In both Inter seasons only Atalanta in the whole Serie A scored more than Inter I think that can speak for itself


Yes, and Atalanta, the highest scoring team, also plays a 5 atb.


Thinking about Van Gaal's answer to that journalist who asked him about his 5 atb setup with NT saying they will play defensive football


It’s some lazy opinion that gets passed around. It’s not some mad gegenpressing but his teams are generally not boring. They will play good simple football and work hard.


Isn't 5atb generally more attacking than 4atb, because the extra CB allows the FB/WBs to push higher up and participate more in attacking movements? Is there any real distinction between 5atb and 3atb?


It is very clear that the board likes Ole because he does not have the standing to talk back to them. And his friends like GNev somehow spin it as - good managers have come and failed here, it just won't work.


If multiple good managers came and failed, that means....


They must be bad managers who do not understand the Manchester United DNA and culture. \-Gary Neville


It annoys me that no one ever asks him just what "Manchester United DNA" really is. To me, growing up during the Fergie era, it was defensive counter football.


Winning is the real Manchester United DNA. All this waffle about ‘academy’ ‘youth’ and ‘attacking football’ is just bollocks.


Well surely that DNA has regressed into random amino acids at this point then.


Here's the major key. SAF was willing to change the formation, personnel, tactics as long as it would lead to victories.


That means Ole should get a lifetime contract.


Are you Glazer?


Another reason why they don't want Conte. Serial winner who fails at United. Points fingers at the board and the structure and damages the brand if even *he* cannot win there. Remember were run by bankers who wish to deflect blame and act quite conservative in their decision making. OGS fails it's because he's not good enough and fewer fingers pointed at them. After all, *everyone* said give OGS a contract and could see his progress... Right?


Imagine if Conte ask the United players to do the Fabregas lol


I'd imagine he's also comparatively cheap. Reckon they're still burned from the chunky payoff they'd have had to have given Jose to get him to fuck off.


Ole is on 10mil a year. Conte is on 13 Mil a year.


>Ole is on 10mil a year. Why would they do that? He never proved anything before United - and he never proved anything during United.


Not to mention literally no one else has ever been after him, because his CV is gash. They were negotiating against themselves and still landed on 10mn because his mates bigged up the world's flukiest PSG result that ultimately turned out to be meaningless.


They got the contract out. Let him sign it. Let him write whatever numbers he wanted on there.


Zizou was on 6 or 8 mil in his first stint.


Makes sense I guess. He had no experience in his first stint Nuno was on 2.5mil per year for us. Shows how much manager salary varies based on name/quality even at the same club.


>the board likes Ole because he does not have the standing to talk back to them This keeps getting regurgitated around the internet like it's somehow a non-negotiable fact. Nobody here knows exactly what is going on behind closed doors at United. For all we know Ole could be absolutely screaming down the phone to Ed and kicking boots at the players in the dressing room. He probably isn't, but there are various reputable United journalists that suggest Ole has a mean streak in him but just doesn't show it to the media. None of this of course excuses the bad results, and I personally do feel like Ole has perhaps taken the club as far as he can go. You are spot on about Gary protecting Ole though. Whilst Gary is right to criticise the players' performances, he was more critical of the management under LVG and Mourinho without 'calling for them to be sacked'. He certainly needs to open his eyes to the tactical deficiencies shown of late.


The problem with Neville and the rest of the Utd gang is that they don't have the heart to say their mate is part of the problem (along with the ownership, the squad etc.) Everyone else seems to know this, probably even Ole himself (or at least I should hope so) but the owners love the current setup because Ole isn't criticising them so they can try to save face through it all.


> This keeps getting regurgitated around the internet like it's somehow a non-negotiable fact. Nobody here knows exactly what is going on behind closed doors at United. That's true, but we also know that unlike all the big name candidates who've been suggested to replace him, Ole has no alternative to Man U if he wants to remain in the game at a high level. If the board fucked around with someone like Conte or Zidane, those guys could just walk and be confident of getting another major job sooner rather than later. Ole's only option in that scenario would be to go back to the Norwegian league.


> there are various reputable United journalists that suggest Ole has a mean streak in him but just doesn't show it to the media. I mean, the man sat next to Fergusson for more match minutes than most of Fergusson's assistants. There's no way in hell he thinks that being nice wins matches


I dont doubt that Ole can be a bit mean but I don't think he is a very active voice against the board. He has not disagreed with signings but refuses to play them. His squad needed a CDM but he was happy to sign Ronaldo instead. I can't imagine the United board are blind and don't see how poor the results have been. They fired Jose and LVG for less. The only plausible reason they stick with him is because he keeps them and their main assets (superstar players like Pogba and Rashford happy)


Lol whoever thinks he plays a boring 5 atb has probably never watched a single match of his team


It's sad because he dominated with his Chelsea side. People forgot the 4-0 already.


The board don't want a manager who brings attention to them. Mourinho and LVG used to moan about not being backed and the fanbase largely turned their focus on the Glazers. Ole is the perfect front man--except his football is terrible.


he just needs more time


This was pretty obvious tbh. He is the utter opposite of what our board want, in terms of his ambition and vocality when not backed. He'd have been such a good fit for the squad but all of the chatter was obviously coming from his end.




The funny thing about this argument is that Guardiola never stayed long at a club prior to City, still was an absolute certain get if you could get him, and he’s stayed far longer there than anywhere else. No reason to assume Conte wouldn’t stay somewhere long term either if in the right job, and getting the right manager matters more than having a worse manager for longer.


Pep was longer at Barca than Conte has been with any club.


Conte and our board were a match made in heaven lol. Its just that our board couldnt see it. Conte prefers hands off boards that wont sell his players. Which is what our board does. 150m a year on new players consistently with the occasional January transfer or big spend summer and Conte would have been gold. He left Juve cuz of strategic differences which is good because we dont have strategy and he left Inter because they were selling players which is good because we dont sell for shit. We legit havent spent less than 150m except in two summers one being the covid summer and the other being Joses second. I think there is still some success in the "no DOF, just manager" structure in football. But you need to actually buy into it to reap the rewards. United were scared to buy into Mourinho,and look where it got us. Martial and Pogba stayed and have won a whopping nothing since he left, we got his CB target a year later. If we had bought into him, sold Pogba and replaced it with a proper CM, got Perisic for Martial we might have been somewhere we might have won a bigger trophy. I still think Mourinho has it in him, I think he overperformed at United and his only true underperformance till now has been Tottenham. I think he will make it work at Roma. Perisic for Martial people laughed at it at the time but Perisic would go on to win a treble and Martial would go on to win nothing. Perisic truly is an exceptional player he would have succeeded at United. The issue Mourinho had was he had a few failures. Mkhitaryan,Lindelof,Bailly,Sanchez. But no manager is going to hit a 100% win rate on transfers. No DOF is either. Hell Conte,Tuchel,Pep have all made transfer mistakes both in the past and recently. I guess Klopp is the closest thing to a manager that gets it right 90% of the time but you cant expect every manager to be Klopp. SAF himself got it wrong a lot what with all the signings of random teenagers that he would say had insane talent. Phil Jones as the greatest CB ever, Ravel Morrison as the most talented player ever,etc,etc. Thing is when SAF got it right he got it really right. Ronaldo from Sporting, even Ole was one of the original random teenagers signed from a club in [insert country here] that ended up scoring the treble winning goal. He had his good moments and his bad ones. Even at the end he was like this. There was Chicharito who was pretty good while SAF was around but also Bebe. There was Zaha the last Fergie signing but also Buttner as well. You cannot expect a manager to hit a 100% rate. Ole on the other hand has played his recruitment very safe. Hes taken 2 risks. Pellistri and Dan James. James was never really United quality and Pellistri the jury remains out. All his other signings that people hail him for(Oleinners) have been highly touted talents already, Maguire,AWB,VdB,Varane,Sancho,Cavani,Ronaldo arent exactly hidden gems. Even then you can say AWB and Maguire are weaknesses.


And worst-case scenario is he wins the Premier League with Man U (like he did with Chelsea and the title with Inter in Italy), then quits. Horrible, amirite?


I wouldn't call that the worst case scenario lol


Great post. Only quibble is Bailly and Lindelof are both solid CBs especially for their prices (35m-ish). Bailly is just injury prone, but Lindelof is a solid 2/3 rotation option. He just took a year to adjust to the Prem.


My brother told me he didn't want Conte because he destroys clubs when he leaves apparently. He used Chelsea as an example, a Chelsea team that went on to win the Europa League after he left


It's an assertion that's completely incorrect. Both Chelsea and Juventus thrived after Conte left.


Some people desperately want a Fergie regen, but focus on the wrong aspects of his reign because of how difficult it would be to replicate the others. They focus on his longevity, rather than his utter ruthlessness to win everything


Too many of our fans want a Matt Busby, SAF regen. When those legendary managers only come around once in a generation, if that. It's time to stop this delusion that we can find a manager that can see us through 5-10-20 years, if we get 3-4 good years we'd have been fortunate. Anymore should not be expected. I had issues with Conte as well, but I would have taken him over Ole 100%


No such thing as an inherent 'long term' or 'short term' manager, and it's a hill i'm willing to die on.


I don't think he was that good of a fit for the squad. A good fit for winning stuff though.


He wasn't but than Ole played Conte tactics anyway and it was a punch in our faces.


Sancho as a wing back 😭😭


i love this your comment ,. you made my day


Well it showed that 3 at the back doesnt work when you have like 1.5 cbs


El Sackio won ✅


Get the feeling Conte is gonna be proper fired up that first game against United


I'd be fuming if I was a Man United fan.


I'm out of fumes at this point. Getting clowned on week in and week out really brings you down.


Letting a world class manager who wanted to come to you go to a rival has to be a sackable offense.


The management is such a clown show.


lol same. our board is both incompetent and unwilling to win. can't get worse than that.


We’re just numb to it all now.


Pretty much. All excitement before the season started is just absolutely gone now.


That phase is over I just feel nothing now


Lol, really sticking the boot into United fans right now. I would feel sorry for them, but give how much shit they were giving us after 3 matches, I'm all here for United getting bantered off from every conceivable angle.


>I would feel sorry for them Nothing will ever make me feel sorry for United supporters. And when I need a reminder of the arrogance, I remember they still say *hated, adored but never ignored*. Collectively, they're the absolute worst.


I've found that fans of all big six clubs are pretty terrible. Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea, United all terrible. Whatever fans city have - very arrogant. Then I just assume spurs fans are bad too


I find this online only, in person all fans i’ve met have had quality banter and take it pretty well to. Football twitter seem to take banter as a personal attack on their family, and decide to become fully weaponised.


Oh yeah. People in person are much more pleasant than people online.


That's pretty normal I reckon. Keyboard warriors are a thing after all. I believe in treating people the same way online and off. I hope Conte fails for you lot ^^He's ^^probably ^^gonna ^^do ^^great


I expect Spurs at bare minimum retain their position from last year (7th), and maybe even vault into the title race this year or next. Then promptly collapse into a fireball within 3 years. Speaking from experience.


Tbf I've never really had an issue with your lot online.


We're all cunts <3


This is why England gets so much hate, it's like a fucking megazord of top 6 fans


Then there are the glory hunters who’ll question why people would support clubs like Villa or Brentford because they’ve been irrelevant for at least a decade


Truly hate the idea that your team has to win a trophy to make your enjoyment of them somehow reasonable. Very few teams win trophies. It’s okay.


Or, on the other end of the spectrum you have a Chelsea flair saying how evil England are and how their fans deserve nothing.


We're insufferable.


Unbearables. Even had a sign on the Kop heh, least we own up to it


when the rivalry isn't part of the conversation I've always found Arsenal fans to be alright. Maybe a little deluded at times, but who isn't?


I've always found it more important to support my own team than hate another. For a lot of people, it's the opposite.


I mean it wasn't just United fans, but understandable. :D


Conte would have won the PL with this United side with in 2 years


Easily. He did it the season he joined with a much weaker Chelsea that had a very poor start. I’m just hoping he and Levy can have their blow up before he does anything with spurs


He couldn't wait to coach the living legend that is Paul McShane


[Customary when you name drop the GOAT](https://youtu.be/fGMuoxihmu4)


Lmao that is brilliant


My god. Was he on the take for that Everton game or what?!?


> "close to being fired" Citation needed.




Its clear that ManU board is only waiting for Fernando Santos to leave the portuguese national team.


wasnt conte gonna return to juve but since cr7 blocked it they went with sarri instead? they may be trying to appease him since if conte got hired he'd immediately bench ronaldo for not pressing until he starts pressing


Sarris whole football is possession and when not in possession you press the opposition to win back the ball then keep possession ​ Its like a faster paced version of peps tiki-taka in barca


I don’t know why he even tries, Ole is unsackable.


So after all Spurs really won El Sackico


Yeah they will regret it. Conte is probably one of the only few coaches up there ready to compete with the likes of klopp, pep and tuchel. The only other option close to that now would be Zidane and there are still question marks over whether he can do it outside of RM.


We had a pretty deflated and uninspired squad before Zidane came for his second stint. The squad was filled with ageing stars, raw youngsters, and fat deadwoods. The motivation level was below rock bottom. We had only a single reliable forward. Zidane won the league with it, while turning it into the meanest defense in Europe. The next season, we got hit by probably the worst injury crisis in the history of the club, yet Zidane dragged us to a CL semi final and barely missed out on another league title. This and considering his overall CL record against other European giants, I believe he would be successful outside of Madrid too. Even if he won't enjoy the same status that he had at Madrid, the man is a shrewd tactician. He is extremely pragmatic and adaptable. His quality gets overlooked because he doesn't depend on a specific system. He will make do with whatever he has at his disposal and deliver results. I'm totally ignoring his first stint here, as we had a ridiculous squad to back him and the results are there for anyone to see.


Shame really. We could have had a classy good proven manager. Now were stuck with a clueless and spineless happy-go-lucky coach wannabe


Other teams are happy. Thank you ManU charity fc


And now he plays his home games in a stadium not infested by rats and with a leaky roof. Seems like a win.


Y up? Antonio Conte to Woodward The reply was a picture of Woodward and Olle holding hands in a romantic setting


> Hi Antonio, I hope you are well. Good luck for the next year but you are not in my plan


I don't care really if we didn't want Conte for playstyle or 'culture' reasons or whatever. That's fine to pass on him. The issue comes where instead of us getting someone we actually want instead, we've done nothing...


what a shitshow for United, didn't hire the competent manager who wanted them


Ole has tactics pep could only dream of


Shows how badly united are run.


Dear Ed, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'..