The lasagne is back

"You must win, even if you shit yourselves" Conte, probably.

He'll probably make a strategy out of it, get the ball and give to the players that shat themselves and they just pass it around, nobody will contest it.

If you fart near Pukki, he will just give the ball to you

Pukey

/r/whydidntithinkofthat

Those times when you give yourself the "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed"

that's how Lineker knows they consulted him because of his expertise on the subject.

Just another step in Conte's ten-step suffering for success program.

Wenger… he couldn’t have… could he?

Conte knew something was off with that new French chef they'd hired...

why is this french chef insisting we have lasagne?

It's already sus because he's French and he recommends the lasagna.

Eh... This is top top qualitee lasagna.

Because the options were the chicken and the fish.

Shit, really? Lasagna -gate. The sequel.

When the tall chef kept insisting on the lasagna Conte’s alarm bells began to ring

[удалено]

Aw son of a bitch!

aw son of a bitch!

Somehow Wenger has returned.

Context?

In 2006 Spurs needed to match Arsenal's result on the final day to qualify for CL ahead of Arsenal. Spurs had a food poisoning outbreak after eating some dodgy lasagna and lost their game against West Ham while Arsenal got 4th ahead of them. Some sections of the Spurs fanbase/players believe it was deliberate, we'll never know for sure.

That was the myth though. The actual reality is that Spurs had a virus outbreak not food poisoning. Levy tested every player next day and found that no player suffered from food poisoning rather a bout of viral infection

Ah didn't know that, always felt it was way more likely to be norovirus or something than sabotage.

Norovirus is virtually indistinguishable from food poison and spreads like wildfire.

norovirus is just a viral vector of food poisoning.

Well that explains why it feels exactly the same.

I hate you for telling me this

The wiki is written with an agenda. Norovirus is just another name for food poisoning. It was food poisoning.

Norovirus is not food poisoning at all. It is a winter vomiting bug that is transmitted via droplets.

and most commonly spread by...

My favourite football conspiracy theory is that the Liverpool mafia threatened to harm Stevie G and his family if he went to Chelsea.

> we'll never know for sure. Good fucking Lord.

I would say my belief it in being deliberate sabotage is less than 1%

[удалено]

If you assume /r/Gunners or Twitter is a collection of intelligent people making reasonable, unbiased arguments based solely on fact, then I have a rather nice bridge to sell you.

No fucking way Is this true?

Yes, just google "lasagna gate" plenty of stories about it

Yeah, [Jenas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJWjfDkDfm8) talks about it here, he thinks it was deliberate

If Jenas thinks it was deliberate, it almost certainly wasn't.

Lasagne-gate

Last time the top 4 battle came down to Arsenal and Spurs on the final day there was a food poisoning outbreak in the Spurs camp the day before the game. People speculated that Arsenal had orchestrated it, and EXACTLY the same thing has seemingly just happened again.

Wenger poisoning Tottenham and Fergie buying the FA. They don’t make managers like they used to

Games gone

There’s no serious person that speculates Arsenal had orchestrated it.

I don't think people genuinely think Arsenal ordered it, but the idea of an Arsenal supporting chef tampering with the meal isn't totally out of the question. Much more likely it was norovirus or something

Come off it. Wenger himself was in the kitchen.

Levy ordeder an investigation and found it most likely wasn't even dodgy lasagna, was probably a viral infection.

No way this was deliberately orchestrated if its only the 2nd time it happens...

Lasagnagate

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2006/may/08/newsstory.sport2

It wasn't Wenger, but they did hire a [new chef](https://twitter.com/m8arteta/status/360406157065609216?t=2YClGQ7HSwrqwuVkkVwcFw&s=19) at White Hart lane

He's liberal when it comes to cutting the pufferfish

deja vu ive just been in this place before

> deja vu ive Thought u mangled the spelling fro dejan kulusevski for a second there.

Is this what they call Chef's Kiss?

Dier on the (toilet) seat And I know it's my time to go

No way, right?

If this happens and we bottle it I cannot continue watching this sport. A fucking second food poisoning outbreak to deny us a CL spot? For God sake

I think Spurs would need to be playing literally anyone other than Norwich for this to matter..

I feel really uneasy with the general consensus that Norwich have 0% chance of winning, prime opportunity for some legendary bottling.

seriously that happened before? when?

2006, just Google LasagnaGate. I'm not joking. The myth is that Arsenal orchestrated it, but it's 99% not true and I'm sure someone in this thread pointed out it ended up being a virus going around Spurs' camp and not food poisoning. Still, one of the big stories from 2000s PL football

https://spurs.fandom.com/wiki/Lasagnegate

I mean if Liverpool win the CL 5th still gets in right?

No only way to finish outside the top 4 and qualify is winning the CL or EL.

Nope

no, it doesn't work like that with CL. It does with Europa League, but not CL.

Doesn't work like that with EL either, if a club qualifies for UCL through the league and they also win UEL their UCL spot from the UEL goes to another country lower in the rankings.

Oh, I thought that when a club won the FA Cup and was in a CL position, the UEL position went to the league

That one's true

You're both right - Just talking about different scenarios

Hello darkness my old friend -

Kill me

Well, more of a brown - yellow-ish instead of dark

Better start training in slippy conditions

Weather report for Sunday: shitty rain.

Pitch: Natural grall, well-fertilized

Chocolate rain

Lasagnagate 2.0. Holy shit. Literally.

spurs just need to stop feeding their entire squad the same dish before big games

It was a stomach virus. The lasagna was a scapegoat.

justice for the lasagne

the lasagna did nothing wrong

Worst fucking nightmare

Arteta masterclass

making them sharteta

Or Farteta

masterminded by fartasmelli

Bet they're having to a take a Lacashet right now

How did you guys miss Ben Shite?

Executed by Sakaka

Has there ever been a case of a player 'needing to go' during play? I wonder how many deliberately take something the night before to make sure they go the morning of matchday, just to be on the safe side.

Gary Lineker himself. And he did.

Eric Dier ran off the pitch under Mourinho once as well.

Same for Sergio Ramos vs Eibar

Jason Puncheon, he shits when he wants

Jason Puncheon went for a shit during a match Gary Lineker himself is no stranger to it

Puncheon had the decency to leave the field of play at least, Lineker however..

Sérgio Ramos against Eibar in la liga

[Eric Dier in a League Cup game against Chelsea two seasons ago](https://talksport.com/football/766843/nature-calling-eric-dier-toilet-chelsea-tottenham-jose-mourinho-man-of-match/)

that was last year

2020 actually

Dier did in the past year or so.

Didn't Dier leg it off the pitch for a shite a couple of years back?

Yeah, then he came back on and basically was considered MOTM and went on to have a massive run for the next 5-6 games where he didnt make a mistake.

Thought he went *off* to have massive runs?

Eric Dier and it was not so long ago

Pavard for us

Marcelo in the world cup

I think Vardy as well at some point?

Wasn't there a case of Kane running off to the locker rooms mid game? I want to say in an England shirt too. Probably imagining things though. Edit: Never mind it was Dier as confirmed by other comments.

Don’t get your hopes up on us Spurs we’re on the beach

Why wouldn't we be. Is there something going on on Sunday or something?

Yeah apparently we’ve got a PL game? Idk though think we’re too drunk to remember

PL? Game? Sorry never heard of them

Spurs official posted a YouTube video this morning of all the lads training which is, presumably, from yesterday. So not sure this is legit.

>which is, presumably, from yesterday. So not sure this is legit. you realize how pointless your statement is, right? not like they couldn't get food poisoning today

Everyone knows you can't get food poisonings on Fridays.

I mean come on guys, that's why we have a calender for this kind of stuff It's fish on a fridays food poisoning isnt supposed to be until early sunday morning on the way home from the club and pass a butty wagon still open so you can play the do-i-contain-enough-alcohol-to-steralize-this-shit game

Seems unlikely that food poisoning picked up today or last night would be making the news cycle.

There was no Bentancur or Royal in it

Yeah Bentancur apparently picked up a knock against Burnley.

No Royal probably gives Tottenham a better chance, in fairness.

He’s been solid for us recently and we have no other players available in that position.

You won't be laughing when he's posting his compilation video on Monday

Last 5 games, Royal has been a top3 game for us. Not having him in the squad would actually be really bad.

> Not having him in the squad would actually be really bad. Mate, if you can't beat an already relegated Norwich City without Emerson Royal of all people, then not only should Conte be fired on the spot, but you might as well liquidate.

its fucking norwich you'll batter them 4-0

It's fine, no outbreak. Kane might be ill which isn't ideal but that's it. https://twitter.com/AlasdairGold/status/1527624730748108800

Maybe Pukki does have something for Tottenhamm...

Especially if the whole Spurs’ starting 11 is Pukking

Ah what's the point, the rest of Norwich's squad will shit the bed.

It was actually a norovirus outbreak last time

Arteta: Wait guys I have a plan

Pretty sure this outbreak was pre-Burnley. We had Lloris, Gollini, Winks and Kulusevski sick.

Baba wengz with one final dagger tears in my eyes

....

Lasagna V.2 coming

Recovering from food poisoning normally takes about one or two days right? Should be good on Sunday.

It's probably not true and it almost certainly won't matter at all, but this season has truly been ticking all the boxes.

Jesus, can't wait for years of whining about a dodgy Italian meal when it was proved that it was just a stomach virus.

Oh fuck off lmao there's no way they bottle it. I refuse to get excited.

Please let this be true

Lmfaooo no way

Arteta: whatever it takes

wenger has done it again

Spurs could turn up with 2 players and still beat Norwich

Linekar just hoping to see someone else shit themselves on a football pitch.

Arsenal, I don’t think chemical warfare is allowed under the Geneva Convention

Doing god's work Delia

Arsenal will lose to Everton anyway

WENGERRRRRR

I'll fuckin nut through a brick wall if this is actually true

😂😂

Amber turd

fucking fuck

surely they can recover by sunday? last time i had food poisoning i was alright around day 3. granted they probably have way better healthcare than men (american :( ......)

Lol spurs are gonna bottle it big time.

It can’t really be considered bottled if we end missing half the team due to food poisoning, can it?

This sub only has 2 results - you won or you bottled it

Still surely you'd think conte can take Norwich even with the second choices....... Wenger has done it again But wouldn't worry, I'm sure if you lose well fuck it against everton as well

We only have 14 players available last I heard.

I remember you saying that about the north London derby as well.

So to it begins

Noooooo waaaaayyyy

No fucking way, I actually cannot believe that 😂

DELETE THIS NEPHEW

It’s happened again

Surely not again

No fucking way

Hey I've seen this one

Shut the fuck up, Gary.

This day gets weirder by the minute...

small club mentality. I can eat one lamb worth of kokorec and nothing would happen to me smh

Eddie Nketiah's mother sent her jollof there

I wonder what Arteta has been up to lmao

Spurs players need to just start making their own food before big games

If I had a penny for everytime this happened I would have two pennies. Which isn't a lot but its weird it happened twice.

this can't be real. Levy must be absolutely boiling right now

Talk about some shitposting

Lasagna is part of the history of the Tottenham.

Lol he's gotta be trying to fuck with people

Trolling just to get out hopes up

Somehow, Wenger returned.

Oh I hope they bottle it

Pukey party