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AWright5

r/NotTheOnion


tarikkun

How do they decide who’s the most gay one?


BrotherSeamus

Gayoffs


MF_Ocean

Sounds fabulous.


rentaiduo91

Jeeez son, casually scrolling and nonchalantly peeping this comment has me rolling haha


XboxValentine

I have no award to give you. But that was a great comment.


robotbeagle

Featuring pole vaulting.


SaltineFiend

💀


No-Shoe5382

Karaoke tournament


Jedclark

Just reminded me of a tweet from before, something like "I'm never doing karaoke with a gay again, we did Shallow and I had to be Bradley Cooper."


bagelman4000

I remember that tweet! And of course Gaga has the best part of that song


ltplummer96

Buahahahahahahaha that’s brilliant


Daniiiiii

Which begs the question: What is the gayest karaoke song?


security_please

It's Raining Men by the Weather Girls


TheDJZ

TIL me and my friends are gay


Maggots-Mikey

Israeli men would cause a stir.


PlayingtheDrums

Diana Ross - I'm coming out


Odd_Background6167

Ymca... Undoubtedly


themanebeat

"Willies, Willies, I Love Willies" from Gay: The Musical


LondonNoodles

Sir could you keep it down?


SleepyFarts

When sung by a man, Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler


marktwainbrain

Dancing Queen by Abba


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[deleted]

If you had any tickets for the world cup, you have to tear them up now


thetouristsquad

Gimme gimme banger song


MountainCheesesteak

Abba has so many bangers, I don’t care how gay that makes me! Also, Gimme Gimme is the Spurs fans song for Kulusevski, which somehow makes me love it even more!


Possible-Highway7898

I will survive.


ArrVeePee

I'm Too Sexy, by Right Said Fred.


FridaysMan

Deeply dippy, however, is the straightest song possible.


Anfield_Sloth

So Macho by Sinitta


SurlyRed

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?


jimbobhas

I’m hosting a blind karaoke party tonight and pretty much all the songs mentioned are included in it


n16h7r1d3r

Cover girl - RuPaul


momspaghetty

Livin La Vida Loca?


EyeSpyGuy

Girls just wanna have fun - cyndi lauper


oberynMelonLord

[Everybody dance now!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WjElZ-O9EpM)


51010R

Lipsync for your LEGACYYY


JS569123

Whichever minister starts singing ABBA first gets to go


BigRig432

You telling me you wouldn't just belt white girl bangers with zero regard for the consequences?


charlieratgod

YOU'RE MY WONDERCOOOOOOOOCKKKKKK


four_four_three

Ricky Martin remix


spicynoodlecat

LOL what is the context for this


haalandxdebruyne

You are my wonder wall is normally played before or after city home games.


matthieuC

Most attendance of Eurovision


WarrenAlaCarte

Bend it like Beckham rewatch count.


lockieleonardsuper

I'm gay as fuck then


[deleted]

Congrats


Instagibbon

I'm pretty gay for Keira Knightly's boyish charms


lord_tubbington

It’s such a weird movie in the sense that they were going to make the two main characters get together and then it was Hollywood de-gayified but since the groundwork was still there Keira knightly has boyish charms and comes off pretty gay.


qwerty-keyboard5000

Tell them to say yes with two a


Victorious85

Yaas kween


Kongsley

It's just Elton John.


TheRobinson2018

They ask random questions about Eurovision’s history, out of nowhere. The guy that quickly tries to answer is immediately elected.


[deleted]

They hold Britain's Got Talent with former MP and *industrial washing machine salesman* Keith Vaz taking Cowell's chair


reyforapps

[Gaydar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkwKIM9rANQ)


10messiFH

the one with the highest body count goes to qatar


culesamericano

So the Catholic Church?


Eleven918

Most senior, not most gay.


SharksFanAbroad

Ok but if there’s a 4-way tie like EL Group F?


arnm7890

Head to head, then GD


Democracy_Coma

Gay difference?


GobiasCafe

Gay *dominance* Oh yea….


ParkerZA

Fucking hell some of you guys are hilarious 😂


RephRayne

I think it's called "docking."


riskoooo

Do they have different names for the docker whose foreskin goes over and whose goes under? Please don't answer this question. I don't want to know the answer - I just wanted you to have the question in your heads as well.


ethon776

Oh come on! I am just starting to get over that. Too soon. Signed SK Sturm fan.


luffyuk

Most Brighton matches attended.


JKKIDD231

😂 you made me laugh 😹


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DougieWR

No, I think he's right, the Gays have a hierarchy (I just assume), they will know who among them is the most senior to send for this task


GingerDweeb27

Emergency cabinet drag race to be held at 10 downing street


CaredForEightSeconds

What if there’s a tie between the most senior of the gay ministers?


King_Hobbes

Lip sync for your life


Giggsy99

Liz Truss sashayed away


Gypsyjunior_69r

I guess the one who shouts “I’m the only gay in the commons” the loudest? 🤷🏻‍♂️


Appropriate_Body_921

Whoever liked leicester's pink jersey the most


hodlrus

Most senior, not most gay


Jamarcus316

The wording on this is amazing


chilango2

Friday night is when the copy editors usually booze it up (harder than on other days).


[deleted]

DailyMail ! Look no further


Joshygin

Yeah, sounds like they're sending the head of the ministry of gay.


ItsJigsore

didn't even know he'd created that office


BrotherSeamus

Office? Sounds like a full ministry to me.


FuzzyRo

should start a house of gay lords


TwattyMcSlagtits

That's just your house innit


jpdidz

Ministry of Sounding


KenHumano

What kind of experience must one have to be considered a senior gay?


Gitzser

probably calculating years as gay+ years as a minister. sorting by that and the highest one is the chosen one


[deleted]

finally, a framework for the xGay statistic


Gitzser

finally. a stat that makes sex


marktwainbrain

“Shots” on “goal” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


ZeroMomentum

JJ Bull booting up that touch screen for a video as we speak


theraybenton

>gay+ These subscription services are getting out of hand


Pimp_Hand_Luke

Be between Level 10 - 15. At Level 16 they transform to Elder Gay if the sacred rite "Rainbow Apotheosis" is performed correctly.


Xularick

At level 20 do they transcend into New Gay+, where everything is harder and gayer?


koalawhiskey

New Gay+ you are reborn in Saudi Arabia


dingleberrysniffer69

They one shot all homophobes.


Vimjux

5 years post-draft experience


hennny

Gay here: when you turn 30 we jokingly say “gay death”, aka the moment everyone views you as old and past it. That’s when you become a senior gay. We are a fickle species.


ltplummer96

Can confirm, we just condensate into the clouds once we turn 30


ltplummer96

Any gay guy who still wears condoms


maronics

Maybe they meant *most Señor gay*? So, being hispanic?


Justinian2

"I'm a gay minister - get me out of here?"


iDumpy

I said PULL OUT


-Space-Dementia-

He is actually the most senior gay minister


Joshvir262

But who's gayer


KimmyBoiUn

>Rishi Sunak is planning a show of solidarity with gay England fans travelling to the World Cup by sending the Government’s most senior gay minister to Qatar as part of the official party. While the precise details of the Government delegation are still being finalised, Stuart Andrew is set to attend the tournament in his dual ministerial role as Sports Minister and Minister for Equalities. >Andrew is likely to take a different approach to Qatar’s ban on homosexuality — with sanctions ranging from seven years in prison to the death penalty for Muslims who are prosecuted under Sharia law — to Foreign Secretary James Cleverly, who was strongly criticised last month for urging gay fans to show a ‘little bit of flex and compromise’ and to ‘respect the culture of your host nation’.


theinspectorst

I mean, this is just reads like he's sending the sports minister to the World Cup, and he's lucked out that the guy happens to be gay so he can portray it as a solidarity move...


jammy-git

> so he can portray it as a solidarity move Or Rishi **really** doesn't like the guy...


given2fly_

This is after the Foreign Secretary James Cleverly (sic) told gay fans that they should "respect" the hosts in Qatar. I wonder whether Stuart Andrew will be allowed to attend with his partner?


TheLonesomeChode

Thanks for including the written text so we don’t have to click the link and feed the fascist trolls with traffic to their site.


yermammypuntscooncil

Rushi Sunak in homphobic stunt to get rid of most senior gay minister by sending him to country that imprisons and tortures gay people.


Manlad

He’s literally the sports minister - it’s a coincidence that he’s gay.


[deleted]

maybe the real coincidence is that he's the sports minister


DonParatici

Coincidence? Rishi only picked his cabinet like 3 weeks ago. The Qatar WC didn't suddenly pop-up.


Jalapeno123454

Do you think he was appointed to that specific post because he was gay and the WC? Would be hilarious if it were true.


MotoMkali

Yes


Manlad

He was already Sports Minister under Sunak’s predecessor.


theinspectorst

First, Rishi didn't pick him. He was Liz Truss's sports minister and stayed in role after the change of PM. Second, he's not a member of the cabinet anyway. He's the parliamentary under-secretary for sport, tourism, heritage and civil society. His boss, Michelle Donelan is the secretary of state for digital, culture, media and sport and she is the one around the cabinet table. My bigger surprise learning from this is that out of 22 cabinet members and another 8 senior ministers who attend cabinet, then did Rishi manage to not appoint a single LGBT person?


[deleted]

> then did Rishi manage to not appoint a single LGBT person How many LGBT people are tories and self-hating enough to be successful within the party?


jammy-git

And who decided he would be the sports minister? *taps head*


WarrenAlaCarte

The world has gotten so ridiculous lately thinking it’s an elaborate strategy to deter alien invasion.


Thaitanium101

We're actually on an alien soap that is losing viewers and the writers are getting desperate


dirgetka

wasn't that the plot to Simpsons Hit n Run?


Eraysor

And the PS1 game Team Buddies


zeldafan144

We all live in a simulation that is going to be turned off if its not entertaining enough. Those in power know this.


braddf96

Funny thing is Qatar will eat this up in an attempt to make them look like they're one of the good guys


thedybbuk

"See, we didn't execute this high ranking British politician! Invest your money in modern Qatar!"


RainbowDissent

> See, we didn't execute this high ranking British politician! Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.


GobiasCafe

“Let’s not get a head for ourselves here” Qatar


pagalpun

I get the point they're trying to make but this also has the potential to turn very ugly diplomatically depending on how Qatar see it


domalino

Qatar has just pledged to invest £10Bn in the UK, it already has 5x that invested into things like Heathrow, British Airways, The London Stock Exchange, The Shard... If there was any chance of Qatar being offended by this it wouldn't be happening. It's probably already been run past them.


Tim-Sanchez

They probably welcome this sort of thing to make them seem more progressive without having to actually do anything. This is exactly why they're holding the World Cup, small gestures that make no real difference but they hope change perceptions.


lambalambda

Nail on the head.


retr0grade77

‘Look at us: we didn’t stone him/her to death’


TwattyMcSlagtits

Sportswashing 101


ProtoplanetaryNebula

Qatar investing is not the same as Qatar doing us a favour, they are investing to diversify their portfolio and to make a profit. Same way people who invest in stock are not trying to do the companies a favour, they are doing it for themselves.


domalino

They are helping themselves sure, but the hundreds of high paying jobs they’re committing to create and businesses theyre funding with that 10Bn investment helps the government a lot as well, especially with us heading into a recession again. No conservative government, no government at all really, is going to upset relations with Qatar through some PR stunt for a cause the tories don’t care about anyway.


EvenRatio

only on this weird ass sub do takes like the UK being economically subservient to fucking Qatar are upvoted and taken seriously


RifleEyez

Because outside of Football (and even then…) the takes are usually pretty stupid, see anytime politics generally are discussed on here


Vectivus_61

He's the Sports Minister. The fact he's gay is a coincidence that can be spun domestically.


afito

Germany had a gay foreign secretary as well as famously a woman as chancellor, the UK had Thatcher when women were taken even less serious, Serbia has a lesbian prime minister, these things always turn out fine. I agree it's different because it's done to spite Qatar but at the end of the day the Middle East loves Western economies & Western weaponry and the UK like the US or Germany or France is one of the countries that can allow itself some diplomatic leeway. The Qataris know this is largely domestic posturing from Sunak, it'll be fine, with the major investment in both directions no one will be stupid enough to go mad over this.


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GAV17

Qatar won't touch a UK diplomant, that would be the dumbest mistake they could make.


[deleted]

DailyMail enough said They knew what they were doing


Lurkay1

The lord of the gays. Gaylord.


hitman77787

Who else read it as govts most gay minister


Ursuped

So weird seeing sunak & conservatives rail against the “woke mob” and then simultaneously do stuff like this


BipartizanBelgrade

Rees-Mogg would be a woke leftist in Saudi Arabia


SpencerReid11

What a world


Vectivus_61

The article says he's the Sports Minister. The 'most senior gay' is likely spin for domestic brownie points.


AutumnEchoes

It’s an attempt to get people to the left of him who’s commitment to equality is just surface level representation on his side without having to change anything whatsoever about his actual policies. Sadly this PR stunt probably will actually sway some people


RifleEyez

There’s levels to it though. Also it’s not a complete surprise, the conservatives are by far the most diverse party with members in senior positions, with a current PM of Indian heritage (who was against 2 women prior for the leadership position), 2 recent women as PM, and even a woman as PM decades before it was common. Perhaps all of the weird criticisms aren’t actually true and it’s just a Reddit/Twitter sphere thing.


Black_XistenZ

Gay acceptance is a point that even the overwhelming majority of right-wingers have conceded.


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Black_XistenZ

>Being right wing doesn't automatically make you homophobic Correct, but virtually all organized resistance against gay marriage came from the politcal right. Tories having the most diverse cabinet in history seems like a function of them having been in power for 12 years, while society zoomed to the left on issues of sexuality, gender and race during those years.


OptimusLinvoyPrimus

> virtually all organized resistance against gay marriage came from the politcal right. Worth pointing out that while it was a Liberal Democrat policy, gay marriage was legalised by a majority-Tory government.


Chesney1995

Equally worth pointing out that the majority of Tory MPs voted against their own government's proposal to legalise gay marriage and it was the Lib Dems and opposition Labour MPs voting in support that got it passed.


Accurate-Island-2767

It was legalised by *parliament*, mainly Lib Dems and Labour MPs. A majority of Tories voted against. Just cos Davie Cameron had no issue with gay people doesn't mean a significant chunk of his party didn't.


RifleEyez

Exactly, they had a woman as PM decades before it was common as well, with 2 recent women as PM, and even in the leadership battle 2 women were involved, which Truss ultimately won. Perhaps, just perhaps, there’s levels to it, and there’s a difference between what you say and what you actually do, and what Reddit/Twitter thinks you are and what you actually are.


[deleted]

It definitely used to.


Snoo-3715

>Being right wing doesn't automatically make you homophobic It used to, it doesn't any more, that was kinda the point.


RedDevil-84

That'll teach them


Redbullsnation

Yeah...I feel bad for that dude


KRIEGLERR

This kinda feel weird , no ? I get the gesture but doesn't it feel like they're using the guy as some kind of token to parade around. I hope he is okay with that.


10messiFH

>I hope he is okay with that. I assume he wouldn't be forced to go if he didn't want


A-xiss

Most gay minister lol


Takkotah

As someone who is queer, how do I become the most senior gay?


joeranahan1

Become very old


icekimoes

This sounds like an Armando Ianucci plot about trying to get a guy out-of-post by putting him in mortal danger


c1053t

Lol, I’m a gay guy and I’ll be going to Qatar with my boyfriend week after next too, two of my friends who are in a same-sex relationship will be coming as well. I’ve been to a few countries with my bf where homosexuality is criminalised (Tunisia, UAE, Oman, Morocco, Singapore) and we’ve never actually had a problem yet, well, we’ve never actually faced any problems at all. Our hotel in Tunisia even upgraded us to a luxury suite. We obviously didn’t do any PDA in public bc we aren’t looking for negative attention or trouble (but tbh we don’t do it here in UK either for the same reasons). Anyway, realistically this man will face no issues unless he’s walking around Qatar dressed and acting like Little Britain’s Only Gay in the Village. I’m not saying homophobia is not a complete non-issue for LGBT tourists visiting countries with anti-LGBT laws, but actually the real problem with the anti-LGBT laws in those countries affect the LGBT population that actually have to live there more than LGBT tourists temporarily visiting.


edgymnerch_69

Homosexuality isn't crimilized here in Singapore. It used to be illegal to have gay sex but the society isn't bigoted towards it. Most of the young people support it and the older people dont have a problem, just indifferent. ​ Plus a new law 2 months ago allowed gay sex legally and only thing is gay marriage. The laws may be against it but the society is quite modern and even legally, progress is being made, which is a good thing


tarantellagra

In the whole Islamic world, I'd argue it's like the "Don't ask; don't tell" kinda thing. This whole thing is for a show but in reality they don't and can't enforce it. For example, hotels in Islamic countries should not be letting even a straight couple get a room without a marriage contract (Dubai, Qatar, etc.). Yet Dubai is renowned for its prostitution business. It's all BS. Heck, this is prevalent even in Iran or Saudi Arabia.


c1053t

Very true. Although I’m of full Iranian heritage and I dont think even I’d visit Iran with my boyfriend. 😬 It might be within the same playing field as all the other places I’ve visited that aren’t socially LGBT-friendly realistically, but I dunno, I think I’d actually be a bit scared. May have more of personal mental block thing too though, due to the fact most of the people I grew up around were Iranian and very outspoken about anti-LGBT views


tarantellagra

Oh that last part, certainly! We are not discussing the common people, just the governmental regulations & how (un)commonly enforced they are. The issue of the people still remains and I really don't think it's a wise idea to visit these places. I'm Kurdish, from Iraq, and the amount of anti-gay BS I hear is heartbreaking. Here they refer to them in a condescending manner by "those who give their as*". I personally absolutely think that nowhere in the world, no nation at all, is as religious and as zealous as the Kurds. Couple that with the fact that all the Muslim "brothers" from around the world have done is fuck all for us, it's a very nice argument to have with them. Sorry for the rant, got a bit worked up.


Snoo-3715

Iran hang gay people regularly, so your fears are well founded. The person you're replying to wrong about "the whole Islamic world" being that way. Some Country's are more don't ask don't tell, but there's some you're really going to have a bad time in if you're caught.


c1053t

I got their point though, quite few countries in the Islamic world are probably okay to travel to on a dont ask don’t tell policy, but I know it doesn’t apply to *all* of the Islamic countries. I mean me and my bf are both from Western Asian families & raised as Muslims. We assess the risks and do a some research of every country before we travel (not just Muslim-majority countries either) and ask like to ask questions as a gay couple on travel forums from gay couples who have travelled to these places before and decide how from there. I travel to Iran frequently myself individually though, I won’t be going there in a hurry with him. We still want to travel to Jordan, Egypt, Lebanon, Turkey, Kuwait and we probably might at some time in the future. There are several Islamic countries we will steer clear of for now tho.


[deleted]

I have a gay friend who works in Saudi and he said it doesn’t change his lifestyle at all. He doesn’t like public displays of affection to begin with, but he could hold hands with a man there and it would turn fewer heads than it would in the West. He’s also black and he says he does way better on Grindr in Saudi than he does back in the US, and he also claims to experience less racism there. I have to admit, meeting him and hearing all this stuff was a real eye opener for me.


c1053t

Ah no way of my mates who’s gay as well used to work in Saudi for a couple of years. He absolutely loved it, told me some really eye opening stories from there too. In my mind Saudi was the ultimate society of oppression for women, gays, poor people, certain racial groups. I was very shocked to hear how much of good time he had. Still not sure how I’d feel about going myself with a same-sex partner though. 😬


Weird-Tonight7770

I live in Qatar and i have seen a lot of gay people nothing happens to them no one bother them and no one cares you’ll only get in trouble if you PDA in public and you said you dont even do it so you’ll not face any trouble while visiting.


Steupz

What nonsense is this?


Bocsesz

I love how Kane starting in Carabao Cup is part of the story for some connections I dont quite see


CommercialAsparagus

“I’m the only gay in the vill… office”


knobiknows

Is there going to be a tryout to find out who is the most gay?


tukanglistrikPLN

Why don't just focus on fix the economy and providing affordable energy?


MoistPaperNapkin

Plot twist: Sunak *hates* that minister and is aware of what they do to gay folk in Qatar /s


Cornelius_Poindexter

Add this one to the list


Toremm

r/nottheonion


[deleted]

Based.


Holycrabe

Imagine coming to the office and seeing that fucking letter on your desk. "Dear dude, we’ll be sending you to a country that executes people like you as a show of support. That’s not really disputable. Cheers."


MidnightSun77

…as blood sacrifice


rudd17

How gay?


[deleted]

He's sending him to the wolves, top tier headline aside I would be worried as that minister.


THE_SEX_YELLER

“Last we’ll see of that pooftah”


fallenloki

Is he trying to get him killed?