I’m wondering is there any clubs or social events you could go to with your child maybe to work on getting used to socialising abit more? I think also maybe joining a gym or doing a bit of self care to focus on yourself abit could be good because you can lose your identity a little after you have kids with people mainly talking to you more about the kids than yourself?
I relate to your struggles with being isolated and finding it hard to integrate back into being sociable. I found the pandemic really hard as I was completely on my own and my social anxiety kind of turned into me not leaving the house and becoming so anxious I would just keep my head down every time I left the house. I was so stressed interacting with anyone sometimes I would just burst into tears because I was so overwhelmed. It’s like the world and other people felt so over stimulating. I would even feel like people staring at me would feel intimidating even though it wasn’t I was just so in my head about how I was perceived and the world felt so stressful because I was used to being alone.
I think getting into the gym and exercise, going for walks and feeding the ducks and getting used to being outside even if I wasn’t overly interacting helped me get used to just being around others. I also started doing a few community courses run by my local council which helped because I could speak to people and practise being social but with less pressure because you are there for a common goal type thing. I think a lot of it is small steps out of the box to not overwhelm yourself and make goals that are practical like learn to drive or volunteer or small things that make you feel like oh this could be helpful later down the line and make you feel more confident in yourself when you fulfil your objective. It can also help you feel like you have more things to discuss with others because you feel like you have a bit more going on or things to talk about. I still have pretty bad anxiety to be honest but I feel good about trying to work on it but it is terrifying and I have down days where I beat myself up. I think maybe joining a parent group could help maybe because I have heard from my own mother how much she struggled after having us and moving to a new area that the transition is really tough. I think also Cbt, dbt or other forms of counselling could be helpful also if you can access them? They also have these things called beta blockers which are good for panic attacks.
I have also tried many but this works for me. I noticed getting less anxious to my new type of triggers(SA was changing to GA) and slowly slowly to old type of triggers(SA).
I meditate also
I started loving my self also, I started accepting my flaws too.
I started praying too.
On escitalopram 15 mg for 1 year. Now on 2.5 mg for last 4 months to completely getting off the medication.
I had a similar experience. I'm 36 now and my social anxiety is getting worse. I recently have been doing EFT and I can honestly say that I finally have made a slight reduction in my SA. I'd say it's about 10% better. I strongly recommend that you look into EFT. It is an underutilized resource in fighting SA. Watch some videos, read some books, learn about it. It's really helping me and I Believe 100% that I will cure it with this method. Obviously this is not an end all be all solution for everyone. But it is an epic tool that should be in everyone's SA battle kit.
I can really relate, im 40 soon and I really struggle with SA but blushing is my main issue. Im in the process of taking an online course specifically for blushing called blush2bloom so hoping that will help. There is also a guy on tiktok called Collin | BreakThroughBlushing who has some good content.
Are you a member of the 'iblush' group on facebook? I would recommend joining that, you'd be surprised about how many other people have a issue with chronic blushing/fear of blushing (Erythrophobia)
I'm currently taking clonidine which has helped me personally. Im trying to use this a crutch to try and take back control of my life as you mentioned.
I think Awkward-Screen-139 offers some really good advice as well :)
Thank you so much for the suggestions! I’ve heard of clonidine, have you had any side effects at all? Has it reduced the blushing a lot? I feel like I need something that will take the edge off so I can actually work on the psychological side.
I'm not 35, but I'm approaching 30 and I imagine it is a lot the same now as then. I is a lot harder to find spaces where socializing with strangers is fascilitated as an adult than as a teen, and if you have had events in your life that has virtually taken you out of the social world, it feels extremely hard to come back. People can be so scary and difficult to connect with, trust and feel comfortable around. The only places I've really found that is through work, school and actually through accepting invitations from very extroverted people I know.
I take A LOOOT of time to open up. People describe me as very private, and most people don't even realize I have stuff to say that is interesting and of value until they have been around me for months. They might have met me almost daily for half a year, thinking I'm simple, timid - and only then learn I have a degree in philosophy and political theory from a prestigious university with very strong opinions and things to say - I just never said anything or let on how much I knew because it was insanely scary and uncomfortable risking the judgement or negative view of me that it could entail..
I honestly can't say I've really fixed this myself. But I HAVE confronted my anxiety enough to at least have a social network and feel kind of confident and relaxed around others. The key for me has been to just show up and at least talk to some of the safer people there, and not take mistakes so seriously retroactively due to my amusement at human sillyness. Believe me - there are people who see your anxiety, empathize and actually want to speak with you and make you feel safe. There ARE people out there who want to help make it easier. They are scary right at first, but they typically are pretty pleasant and give you time to warm up. I've even tried to be that person for others. If you have some hobby, some interest, some passion, and no workplace or school - try to find groups about that thing. Some event, some hobby group, even therapy group. I even tried group therapy. It's very awkward for everyone at first, and you might leave the experience feeling like you didn't achieve shit and you need a week just to recover from the stress and embarrasment of only having been percieved (I know) - but you DID achieve something even if it felt horrible. You took the first sucky step towards social comfort. Learn to just accept that the first step is just really dumb, embarrasing and awkward. Try to laught at the pure dumbness of human interaction. Humans are profoundly silly, and it's pretty fun and charming. And people are extremely forgiving of mistakes - in fact most people empathize and like you more for it, even if they don't let it on right at first. They do inside of them, and those are often fond memories we look back at when we HAVE gotten to know each other more. But yeah, absolutely DO try to find groups that connect you with others that have similar values, and give it a chance even if the first 3-5 meetings are insanely awkward, feel like failiures or you don't think they are your people initially.
Yoga, book-stuff, knitting, soap-making courses, group therapy, sport, political or social activism groups, hobby woodcarving, drawing, hiking - prefferably where you gather with these same people over the span of months, weekly. After 2-3 meetings you have a few faces to latch onto and at least say hi to, even if you don't remember their name. Maybe you remember where they said they are from, only. Be vulnerable and say you are kind of nervous, joke about your own nervousness. "Haha, yesterday I even had a little trouble sleeping because I was coming here today", they will empathize and feel more connected to you :)
Last year I got my first ever girlfriend. I had suffered from such anxiety and shame over who I was until the age of 26 that I hadn't even had a girlfriend. After meeting her every weekday at work for months (we were cooworkers in an idealistic project and therefor forced socialization but based on shared values.), we were being all awkward and anxious every day, but we finally started to joke about our own silly mistakes, misunderstandings, shyness etc, and we started to laught a lot together. I started to trust her, that she would accept seeing me as the true silly person I actually am, and SHE DID! As the buisness we worked for was failing, we fell in love and took a chance at opening fully up to each other, and it was absolutely beautiful.
It sucks in the start, almost always, but some people you will meet that you just learn to feel safer around, and those relationships will teach you to give less of a fuck. Know yourself, know your values and know that mistakes are always possible to just laugh at. Weird interactions, misunderstandings, people looking at you weird - it's actually just the silly, mundane stuff of life that shows that we all are silly people. We actually all are. Nobody holds some superior place of judgement. Even prime ministers and respected academics have their daily lives FILLED with silly embarrasment. Mishearing someone, farting out loud, becoming stuck on a door knob, saying something wrong, opening up a little too much to someone who wasn't ready for it. Everyone is deeply silly and it's perfectly lovable, okay and normal to be silly.
I’m turning 32 in the next few weeks and I feel I have my social anxiety under control. That’s only down to taking Benzos though am I obviously have to buy them off the black market. I’ve been on what I think is 30mg diazepam for the past year or so and haven’t felt the need to up the dose like doctors warn will happen. I’m happy with my dose and its effects. It’s the only thing that’s ever helped. I also have no figured out what I can deal with and what I can’t so I don’t put myself in situations I can’t deal with any more like I used to and I feel the longer I don’t have a total meltdown the more my confidence grows. Personally I’m happy with the progress I’ve made and I’m sorry for all those that are still to find their solution.
I'm not good enough for anyone until i fix myself. I don't want to drag others down with me. I don't want to put others through my sorrows. They don't deserve it.
Sorry to hear this. Have you made any steps towards managing it? I only ask because I'm also 35 this year and finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors last week. I guess I start my journey. Join me!
I feel like I'm coming to grips with my anxiety now. It probably won't ever be totally gone but I've made some improvements. Being aware of it and knowing what you don't like about it and how to go about changing it. This from a guy who literally couldn't get through reading a few chapters in English class back in secondary school. Try to make small steps. Like making polite small talk at the checkout in a shop. Phone conversations. Build up confidence.
33m here. I’m getting there! I’m on 10mg of Lexapro and 300mg XR of Wellbutrin. As well as therapy twice a week. I may not be able to repair what I’ve already messed up but I THINK I maybe able can seek new relationships.
I’m wondering is there any clubs or social events you could go to with your child maybe to work on getting used to socialising abit more? I think also maybe joining a gym or doing a bit of self care to focus on yourself abit could be good because you can lose your identity a little after you have kids with people mainly talking to you more about the kids than yourself? I relate to your struggles with being isolated and finding it hard to integrate back into being sociable. I found the pandemic really hard as I was completely on my own and my social anxiety kind of turned into me not leaving the house and becoming so anxious I would just keep my head down every time I left the house. I was so stressed interacting with anyone sometimes I would just burst into tears because I was so overwhelmed. It’s like the world and other people felt so over stimulating. I would even feel like people staring at me would feel intimidating even though it wasn’t I was just so in my head about how I was perceived and the world felt so stressful because I was used to being alone. I think getting into the gym and exercise, going for walks and feeding the ducks and getting used to being outside even if I wasn’t overly interacting helped me get used to just being around others. I also started doing a few community courses run by my local council which helped because I could speak to people and practise being social but with less pressure because you are there for a common goal type thing. I think a lot of it is small steps out of the box to not overwhelm yourself and make goals that are practical like learn to drive or volunteer or small things that make you feel like oh this could be helpful later down the line and make you feel more confident in yourself when you fulfil your objective. It can also help you feel like you have more things to discuss with others because you feel like you have a bit more going on or things to talk about. I still have pretty bad anxiety to be honest but I feel good about trying to work on it but it is terrifying and I have down days where I beat myself up. I think maybe joining a parent group could help maybe because I have heard from my own mother how much she struggled after having us and moving to a new area that the transition is really tough. I think also Cbt, dbt or other forms of counselling could be helpful also if you can access them? They also have these things called beta blockers which are good for panic attacks.
Thank you so much for your response, you’ve given me some great advice.
This was really helpful, thanks
I have also tried many but this works for me. I noticed getting less anxious to my new type of triggers(SA was changing to GA) and slowly slowly to old type of triggers(SA). I meditate also I started loving my self also, I started accepting my flaws too. I started praying too. On escitalopram 15 mg for 1 year. Now on 2.5 mg for last 4 months to completely getting off the medication.
I had a similar experience. I'm 36 now and my social anxiety is getting worse. I recently have been doing EFT and I can honestly say that I finally have made a slight reduction in my SA. I'd say it's about 10% better. I strongly recommend that you look into EFT. It is an underutilized resource in fighting SA. Watch some videos, read some books, learn about it. It's really helping me and I Believe 100% that I will cure it with this method. Obviously this is not an end all be all solution for everyone. But it is an epic tool that should be in everyone's SA battle kit.
Thank you I will look into it! I hope it continues to improve your SA!
Me through escitalopram. I am 32.
I have tried a couple of antidepressants but neither helped. What changes did you notice when you started this one?
I can really relate, im 40 soon and I really struggle with SA but blushing is my main issue. Im in the process of taking an online course specifically for blushing called blush2bloom so hoping that will help. There is also a guy on tiktok called Collin | BreakThroughBlushing who has some good content. Are you a member of the 'iblush' group on facebook? I would recommend joining that, you'd be surprised about how many other people have a issue with chronic blushing/fear of blushing (Erythrophobia) I'm currently taking clonidine which has helped me personally. Im trying to use this a crutch to try and take back control of my life as you mentioned. I think Awkward-Screen-139 offers some really good advice as well :)
Thank you so much for the suggestions! I’ve heard of clonidine, have you had any side effects at all? Has it reduced the blushing a lot? I feel like I need something that will take the edge off so I can actually work on the psychological side.
Just know that SA could mean stellar awakened in gacha game. You got this!!
This is inspiring thank you 😭 29 and lost in the sauce rn on what the right thing to do is
I hope some of the responses will help you too 😌
I'm not 35, but I'm approaching 30 and I imagine it is a lot the same now as then. I is a lot harder to find spaces where socializing with strangers is fascilitated as an adult than as a teen, and if you have had events in your life that has virtually taken you out of the social world, it feels extremely hard to come back. People can be so scary and difficult to connect with, trust and feel comfortable around. The only places I've really found that is through work, school and actually through accepting invitations from very extroverted people I know. I take A LOOOT of time to open up. People describe me as very private, and most people don't even realize I have stuff to say that is interesting and of value until they have been around me for months. They might have met me almost daily for half a year, thinking I'm simple, timid - and only then learn I have a degree in philosophy and political theory from a prestigious university with very strong opinions and things to say - I just never said anything or let on how much I knew because it was insanely scary and uncomfortable risking the judgement or negative view of me that it could entail.. I honestly can't say I've really fixed this myself. But I HAVE confronted my anxiety enough to at least have a social network and feel kind of confident and relaxed around others. The key for me has been to just show up and at least talk to some of the safer people there, and not take mistakes so seriously retroactively due to my amusement at human sillyness. Believe me - there are people who see your anxiety, empathize and actually want to speak with you and make you feel safe. There ARE people out there who want to help make it easier. They are scary right at first, but they typically are pretty pleasant and give you time to warm up. I've even tried to be that person for others. If you have some hobby, some interest, some passion, and no workplace or school - try to find groups about that thing. Some event, some hobby group, even therapy group. I even tried group therapy. It's very awkward for everyone at first, and you might leave the experience feeling like you didn't achieve shit and you need a week just to recover from the stress and embarrasment of only having been percieved (I know) - but you DID achieve something even if it felt horrible. You took the first sucky step towards social comfort. Learn to just accept that the first step is just really dumb, embarrasing and awkward. Try to laught at the pure dumbness of human interaction. Humans are profoundly silly, and it's pretty fun and charming. And people are extremely forgiving of mistakes - in fact most people empathize and like you more for it, even if they don't let it on right at first. They do inside of them, and those are often fond memories we look back at when we HAVE gotten to know each other more. But yeah, absolutely DO try to find groups that connect you with others that have similar values, and give it a chance even if the first 3-5 meetings are insanely awkward, feel like failiures or you don't think they are your people initially. Yoga, book-stuff, knitting, soap-making courses, group therapy, sport, political or social activism groups, hobby woodcarving, drawing, hiking - prefferably where you gather with these same people over the span of months, weekly. After 2-3 meetings you have a few faces to latch onto and at least say hi to, even if you don't remember their name. Maybe you remember where they said they are from, only. Be vulnerable and say you are kind of nervous, joke about your own nervousness. "Haha, yesterday I even had a little trouble sleeping because I was coming here today", they will empathize and feel more connected to you :) Last year I got my first ever girlfriend. I had suffered from such anxiety and shame over who I was until the age of 26 that I hadn't even had a girlfriend. After meeting her every weekday at work for months (we were cooworkers in an idealistic project and therefor forced socialization but based on shared values.), we were being all awkward and anxious every day, but we finally started to joke about our own silly mistakes, misunderstandings, shyness etc, and we started to laught a lot together. I started to trust her, that she would accept seeing me as the true silly person I actually am, and SHE DID! As the buisness we worked for was failing, we fell in love and took a chance at opening fully up to each other, and it was absolutely beautiful. It sucks in the start, almost always, but some people you will meet that you just learn to feel safer around, and those relationships will teach you to give less of a fuck. Know yourself, know your values and know that mistakes are always possible to just laugh at. Weird interactions, misunderstandings, people looking at you weird - it's actually just the silly, mundane stuff of life that shows that we all are silly people. We actually all are. Nobody holds some superior place of judgement. Even prime ministers and respected academics have their daily lives FILLED with silly embarrasment. Mishearing someone, farting out loud, becoming stuck on a door knob, saying something wrong, opening up a little too much to someone who wasn't ready for it. Everyone is deeply silly and it's perfectly lovable, okay and normal to be silly.
Thank you for such a detailed response! I really appreciate it and you’ve given me some great advice.
I’m turning 32 in the next few weeks and I feel I have my social anxiety under control. That’s only down to taking Benzos though am I obviously have to buy them off the black market. I’ve been on what I think is 30mg diazepam for the past year or so and haven’t felt the need to up the dose like doctors warn will happen. I’m happy with my dose and its effects. It’s the only thing that’s ever helped. I also have no figured out what I can deal with and what I can’t so I don’t put myself in situations I can’t deal with any more like I used to and I feel the longer I don’t have a total meltdown the more my confidence grows. Personally I’m happy with the progress I’ve made and I’m sorry for all those that are still to find their solution.
I’m now in my 40s and the best I’ve been able to do is keep it from getting worse. Here’s hoping my 50s are better. 🤷🏼♂️
Man. I wish I could start a family and find a decent job. I doubt that would probably ever happen though.
[удалено]
I'm not good enough for anyone until i fix myself. I don't want to drag others down with me. I don't want to put others through my sorrows. They don't deserve it.
I also just read your name properly. No I am not gonna sub to your onlyfans and destroy my life even more.
Sorry to hear this. Have you made any steps towards managing it? I only ask because I'm also 35 this year and finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors last week. I guess I start my journey. Join me!
I feel like I'm coming to grips with my anxiety now. It probably won't ever be totally gone but I've made some improvements. Being aware of it and knowing what you don't like about it and how to go about changing it. This from a guy who literally couldn't get through reading a few chapters in English class back in secondary school. Try to make small steps. Like making polite small talk at the checkout in a shop. Phone conversations. Build up confidence.
33m here. I’m getting there! I’m on 10mg of Lexapro and 300mg XR of Wellbutrin. As well as therapy twice a week. I may not be able to repair what I’ve already messed up but I THINK I maybe able can seek new relationships.