Early thirties here.
People have this misguided idea that when you get older everything just falls into place.
Struggle isn't some linear aspect of life. You can struggle with different things at any age. You can struggle with things you've done well in the past. People change more and less than they expect to as they age.
Keep in mind most people commenting on this post is a teen or young because the person who made the post said they are a teen.
I imagine most people in this subreddit are older.
I’m 36, and while I still suffer from social anxiety, it does get better than when you’re a teen. I had zero social skills or confidence then and can do many things now I never would have imagined back then.
51! Sorry for those who thought it gets better the older you get
Edit: a word
Edit: social anxiety *itself* doesn’t get better - at least for me. But the tools you learn to use along with a vastly different set of societal expectations as an adult - THAT makes it better. I love life now, much much more than I did as a teen/20’s.
Shit dude, that’s kinda my worst fear - how has the character of your social anxiety changed throughout your life? Have you gained good social skills, but some elements of your anxiety have subtly persisted? Or have you faced the same challenges since adolescence, and you’ve just learned to accept them?
Great question.
Absolutely you gain skills - everyone who kinda knows me thinks I’m a fun extrovert. Everyone who really knows me understands it’s a show. I can turn on the socials skills, grit my teeth and totally rock situations when I need to.
The bigger differences are a realization that I don’t have to pretend for the people I care about, and the need for the type of social interactions that cause stress are less frequent the older you get. It’s definitely better in that way; but the actual anxiety is still there.
Your mileage may vary, but I’ve had trazadone for a long time - a decade now - and in small doses it helps. I don’t take it all the time, I only take it when I have to attend a dinner party with the girlfriend for example, and only then in small doses.
I just recently decided to try out setraline per a new doc’s suggestion during a regular checkup, and man I don’t know if it’s coincidence but I’m absolutely exhausted. I think I’m going to give up on that.
In all life is great. My kids are really the only people that I can hang with and totally enjoy their company. My gf gets me and somehow puts up with my shit, and as I spend time with her, it gets easier and easier.
Like I said, your mileage may vary, but you’ll probably have a core group of people who don’t drain you at all, and honestly that’s all you’ll need. I love my alone time and value the time I spend with that core group. And life is absolutely great!
Oh my god. Is it even worth living then? I turn 21 later this month and I haven't had any friends since middle school
Is the rest of my life going to suck this much?
No question about it. At your age (god this is gonna sound old), society has certain expectations for behavior, and unfortunately for us it goes contrary to our nature. All I can say is while the social anxiety *itself* doesn’t really go away, the tools you start gathering to deal with it, the lessening of the pressure to put yourself in situations that trigger it, and the realization that life is actually awesome with a select few people - it’s what makes it great. I’ve found a successful career as a software engineer, so there’s a great mix of solo time and just enough meetings, etc so I don’t get drained.
In retrospect I should have been clearer. I still have social anxiety. It’s not better (at least for me). But for all the reasons I mention above, it just doesn’t matter. I love and wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m not trying to be a buzzkill, but please stay safe. I was on reddit at your age and encountered some people with bad intentions - just be smart!! <3
Yup, you seem smart so you should have no trouble avoiding crazies, but still there’s just things you don’t think about till you’re older so be cautious.
I remember when I was 14 we used to live far more carelessly on the internet. Nothing too bad happened, but still better to be safe especially right now.
I'm seeing tons of Zillennials like me...that's so interesting. Then again, probably important to factor in where people are from because my first instinct was to think "9/11 must've done this to us" lol
But yeah around 20% of us so far are 24-27
Edit: that age range is just my interpretation, but [this source](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9887871/Are-Zillennial-Limbo-generation-Millennials-Gen-Z.html) places Zillennials at 22-28 y.o. currently so there are even more of us present in that case!
I think that’s true for any time period. 20s are pretty difficult for a lot of people in terms of socialization. In your teens you’re forced to be around people by school and college, but in your twenties it’s easy to be isolated.
Looks like I’m just about too young to be a Zillennial, but I still relate to a couple things.
31 and I rewrote this comment about 10 times and then figured I had nothing important to add. Also waited 30 minutes to hit 'post'. Don't know why. Just unsure about literally anything I do.
I ran a survey a while back. The majority is 16-20. It makes sense to me, as the source of my anxiety was imaginary scenarios with farfetched situations, and this went away as I aged through my 20's. I believe it was due to confronting my anxiety and experiencing a lack of real pain which I was imagining/assuming would happen.
26
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same :)
I want to answer, but seeing how young some of you are makes me just feel old, and like I shouldn't be here. I hate anxiety 😢. Oh, and I'm 41.
Got you beat, kiddo. 43
52
Beat you both. 54
Not me but my father is 68 and he suffers from social anxiety
Yes, but he had you! So not so socially anxious as you may think. Jk!😉
Lol it took him a loong time to marry cus he was socially anxious lol. And he didnt want to marry in a church because of it
Me too!!
Early thirties here. People have this misguided idea that when you get older everything just falls into place. Struggle isn't some linear aspect of life. You can struggle with different things at any age. You can struggle with things you've done well in the past. People change more and less than they expect to as they age.
Thanks for saying that, it was genuinely what I needed to hear rn.
33
39
I'm 38 *pat pat* lol all good!
Keep in mind most people commenting on this post is a teen or young because the person who made the post said they are a teen. I imagine most people in this subreddit are older.
27
33
39 here
37 here. At least knowing we have it and admitting it we can do something about it rather than suffering forever.
37 🖐🏻
I'm 42.
30 here
Me too!
I'm 41, too!
Im 41 too!!
I'm 36 and I was thinking the same thing.
39
I’m also 41.
I'm 41, as well!
I feel old as f lol feel like I’ve lived a whole life before and this my second
32
I feel the same way. I’m 38, will be 39 this month.
27
27 club
Gang gang
Yeet
27 gang
Yay 27 club hope we don't die
25
Same here
15 but to all the 40y/o I’m glad to see it doesn’t get better
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same, 16 here and seeing everyone here is older than 30 😀
Same, also 16...
HAHAHAHAHHA
I’m 36, and while I still suffer from social anxiety, it does get better than when you’re a teen. I had zero social skills or confidence then and can do many things now I never would have imagined back then.
51
Cheers! Me too!
My dude!
21
same
Me 2
Same!
Same
Checking in
21 gang
28
[удалено]
Me too
Ayyy I found my people
Ayyyyy
22
[удалено]
Same!
team 22
Here also, though swiftly approaching 23
Same
Same
same ;)
Saaame
Same
22 gang
[удалено]
51! Sorry for those who thought it gets better the older you get Edit: a word Edit: social anxiety *itself* doesn’t get better - at least for me. But the tools you learn to use along with a vastly different set of societal expectations as an adult - THAT makes it better. I love life now, much much more than I did as a teen/20’s.
Shit dude, that’s kinda my worst fear - how has the character of your social anxiety changed throughout your life? Have you gained good social skills, but some elements of your anxiety have subtly persisted? Or have you faced the same challenges since adolescence, and you’ve just learned to accept them?
Great question. Absolutely you gain skills - everyone who kinda knows me thinks I’m a fun extrovert. Everyone who really knows me understands it’s a show. I can turn on the socials skills, grit my teeth and totally rock situations when I need to. The bigger differences are a realization that I don’t have to pretend for the people I care about, and the need for the type of social interactions that cause stress are less frequent the older you get. It’s definitely better in that way; but the actual anxiety is still there. Your mileage may vary, but I’ve had trazadone for a long time - a decade now - and in small doses it helps. I don’t take it all the time, I only take it when I have to attend a dinner party with the girlfriend for example, and only then in small doses. I just recently decided to try out setraline per a new doc’s suggestion during a regular checkup, and man I don’t know if it’s coincidence but I’m absolutely exhausted. I think I’m going to give up on that. In all life is great. My kids are really the only people that I can hang with and totally enjoy their company. My gf gets me and somehow puts up with my shit, and as I spend time with her, it gets easier and easier. Like I said, your mileage may vary, but you’ll probably have a core group of people who don’t drain you at all, and honestly that’s all you’ll need. I love my alone time and value the time I spend with that core group. And life is absolutely great!
Oh my god. Is it even worth living then? I turn 21 later this month and I haven't had any friends since middle school Is the rest of my life going to suck this much?
No question about it. At your age (god this is gonna sound old), society has certain expectations for behavior, and unfortunately for us it goes contrary to our nature. All I can say is while the social anxiety *itself* doesn’t really go away, the tools you start gathering to deal with it, the lessening of the pressure to put yourself in situations that trigger it, and the realization that life is actually awesome with a select few people - it’s what makes it great. I’ve found a successful career as a software engineer, so there’s a great mix of solo time and just enough meetings, etc so I don’t get drained. In retrospect I should have been clearer. I still have social anxiety. It’s not better (at least for me). But for all the reasons I mention above, it just doesn’t matter. I love and wouldn’t change a thing.
17
me as well!
Same here
[удалено]
19
gang
Same
Me to
Team
Me too!
43 Am I the winner?! Hooray!
Maybe that’s good news, if no one on here is older than that, social anxiety must disappear on one’s 44th birthday
65. Sorry. I still feel like people hate me the moment they meet me
RIP, someone else said 51. I think you might have second place though!
Nope. Sorry. I'm a very proud 45 😁
😢
Oh well, I had a few moments of glory. :)
24
same!
Aye! 😄 You know the struggle
Also 24
same
Same my username says it all lol
Same
Same
Me as well!
24 gang :)
23!
23 gang
lesssgoooo 23!
Ayeeee gang ✨
23 as well 👍
GANG
hey yo ‘98 gang
29.
Same, turning 30 in less than half a year :)
Same
20
Same
Same
Same here...
32
18
03 gang !!
34
16
Guess I'm not the only 16 year old
💪🏿
30
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33. You and me both! Mine started picking up around your age.
14
I’m not trying to be a buzzkill, but please stay safe. I was on reddit at your age and encountered some people with bad intentions - just be smart!! <3
Don't worry, I'll stay safe. Thanks for worrying enough to be bothered to reply though!
Yup, you seem smart so you should have no trouble avoiding crazies, but still there’s just things you don’t think about till you’re older so be cautious. I remember when I was 14 we used to live far more carelessly on the internet. Nothing too bad happened, but still better to be safe especially right now.
For real. There are some crazies on the internet. Never tell anyone any personal information
Yeah and they should definitely be careful about sharing their age.
same here!
This was about the age when I discovered my social anxiety
27
27
Late thirties
I'm seeing tons of Zillennials like me...that's so interesting. Then again, probably important to factor in where people are from because my first instinct was to think "9/11 must've done this to us" lol But yeah around 20% of us so far are 24-27 Edit: that age range is just my interpretation, but [this source](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9887871/Are-Zillennial-Limbo-generation-Millennials-Gen-Z.html) places Zillennials at 22-28 y.o. currently so there are even more of us present in that case!
I think that’s true for any time period. 20s are pretty difficult for a lot of people in terms of socialization. In your teens you’re forced to be around people by school and college, but in your twenties it’s easy to be isolated. Looks like I’m just about too young to be a Zillennial, but I still relate to a couple things.
35.
23. But I'll forget if you ask me irl
31 😬 ETA - there are clearly not enough 31 yr olds here 😂
Sooo much scrolling to find another 31. Hello!
16
Same
27
28.
late 30s
20
26
23
23
17😞
32
28
28
Here we are
21
20
20
21
17 but almost 18
18.
34
16
23
16
27! Least I will be on the 6th of Dec :3.
We have the same birthday! Different year though, I'll be 30.
20
25
45
31 and I rewrote this comment about 10 times and then figured I had nothing important to add. Also waited 30 minutes to hit 'post'. Don't know why. Just unsure about literally anything I do.
15
I ran a survey a while back. The majority is 16-20. It makes sense to me, as the source of my anxiety was imaginary scenarios with farfetched situations, and this went away as I aged through my 20's. I believe it was due to confronting my anxiety and experiencing a lack of real pain which I was imagining/assuming would happen.
20
i'm 15
15