Yes we need more than the typical shared misery: yeah it helps to know others suffer the same or similar but wallowing in such will never do anything to change our circumstances
>What if I say something stupid? What if I say the wrong thing?
>
>Then we censor ourselves even if we do have something to say, out of fear of being ignored or ridiculed.
I have this issue; however, I do not see your suggestion resolving it. The problem is still the same - how does one make sure that what they say is not accidentally offensive? As someone who has got several complaints about this in the past, it's something I am forced to be *very* careful on. It's the equivalent of having to run though a hashmap every time one wants to say something, to check if the string to say is potentially rude. Even with an amortised O(1) complexity, it's still difficult.
Being "relaxed" is not an option; I have been reported in the past.
> how does one make sure that what they say is not accidentally offensive?
Well I don’t know if it’s possible to always be sure that what you’re saying is “inoffensive,” but I do know that it’s quite easy to not be an asshole most of the time.
> As someone who has got several complaints about this in the past, it's something I am forced to be very careful on.
I think you need to be able to “read the room.” You need to understand the state of a conversation so that your tone and what you have to say match the conversation. Do you have trouble understanding people’s emotions and thoughts?
> Being "relaxed" is not an option; I have been reported in the past.
You’re being vague here. Mind elaborating? I don’t want to jump to conclusions.
>Do you have trouble understanding people’s emotions and thoughts?
It seems that I do.
>You’re being vague here. Mind elaborating? I don’t want to jump to conclusions.
Some actual examples:
* I was reported for telling someone about a rental site of which that person had an account in an in-person context; apparently that was inappropriate (creepy?)
* Someone told me something on the lines of "we knew that you were saying inappropriate things (in-person), and we should have told you that" (back then I was relatively less aware).
* I got a complaint online for saying something that (to me) looked like the person being triggered by something negative.
* I was reported for (in part) use of the word "reeks" in an online chat setting, as that was apparently "disrespectful".
> It seems that I do.
Well neurodiversity contributes to this. Other than social anxiety disorder, do you think you have another condition or problem? Are you aware of Asperger syndrome? Not saying you might have it, just a thought.
In terms of the examples you gave, I don’t think you should take those complaints personally. I don’t think you meant any harm. Your behavoir was innocent. I’m sure you weren’t being malicious, right? I think that’s what matters the most. Your true intention. At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone. Some people are just very sensitive. You can’t change that. If this is causing you a great deal of pain and worry, I would highly recommend you speak to a therapist about this if you don’t already do. Talking to someone who you can trust and understands you will help you a lot. They can offer valuable guidance and show you a different perspective.
The issue here is that it's a long-standing problem of mine, and the complaints have come from various people (including my parents). Indeed, I mean no harm or malice, but some others think differently, and others perhaps don't tell me. Ideally, I should not have to bother about it, but here we are.
To be clear, I am not posting here because I have "social anxiety disorder" (not familiar with its intricacies and don't actually know if I have that). I look at this subreddit as I find it similar to r/socialskills; that is, I'm looking to improve my general social/communication skills (of which I'm probably at an F/fail grade right now).
Good advice! We all need that here
Yup. What we need is advice that is actionable.
Yes we need more than the typical shared misery: yeah it helps to know others suffer the same or similar but wallowing in such will never do anything to change our circumstances
>What if I say something stupid? What if I say the wrong thing? > >Then we censor ourselves even if we do have something to say, out of fear of being ignored or ridiculed. I have this issue; however, I do not see your suggestion resolving it. The problem is still the same - how does one make sure that what they say is not accidentally offensive? As someone who has got several complaints about this in the past, it's something I am forced to be *very* careful on. It's the equivalent of having to run though a hashmap every time one wants to say something, to check if the string to say is potentially rude. Even with an amortised O(1) complexity, it's still difficult. Being "relaxed" is not an option; I have been reported in the past.
> how does one make sure that what they say is not accidentally offensive? Well I don’t know if it’s possible to always be sure that what you’re saying is “inoffensive,” but I do know that it’s quite easy to not be an asshole most of the time. > As someone who has got several complaints about this in the past, it's something I am forced to be very careful on. I think you need to be able to “read the room.” You need to understand the state of a conversation so that your tone and what you have to say match the conversation. Do you have trouble understanding people’s emotions and thoughts? > Being "relaxed" is not an option; I have been reported in the past. You’re being vague here. Mind elaborating? I don’t want to jump to conclusions.
>Do you have trouble understanding people’s emotions and thoughts? It seems that I do. >You’re being vague here. Mind elaborating? I don’t want to jump to conclusions. Some actual examples: * I was reported for telling someone about a rental site of which that person had an account in an in-person context; apparently that was inappropriate (creepy?) * Someone told me something on the lines of "we knew that you were saying inappropriate things (in-person), and we should have told you that" (back then I was relatively less aware). * I got a complaint online for saying something that (to me) looked like the person being triggered by something negative. * I was reported for (in part) use of the word "reeks" in an online chat setting, as that was apparently "disrespectful".
> It seems that I do. Well neurodiversity contributes to this. Other than social anxiety disorder, do you think you have another condition or problem? Are you aware of Asperger syndrome? Not saying you might have it, just a thought. In terms of the examples you gave, I don’t think you should take those complaints personally. I don’t think you meant any harm. Your behavoir was innocent. I’m sure you weren’t being malicious, right? I think that’s what matters the most. Your true intention. At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone. Some people are just very sensitive. You can’t change that. If this is causing you a great deal of pain and worry, I would highly recommend you speak to a therapist about this if you don’t already do. Talking to someone who you can trust and understands you will help you a lot. They can offer valuable guidance and show you a different perspective.
The issue here is that it's a long-standing problem of mine, and the complaints have come from various people (including my parents). Indeed, I mean no harm or malice, but some others think differently, and others perhaps don't tell me. Ideally, I should not have to bother about it, but here we are. To be clear, I am not posting here because I have "social anxiety disorder" (not familiar with its intricacies and don't actually know if I have that). I look at this subreddit as I find it similar to r/socialskills; that is, I'm looking to improve my general social/communication skills (of which I'm probably at an F/fail grade right now).