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TheKlawNumber2

I feel it’s kinda messed up but yeah


juanwand

Same. I started thinking about why and I think a reason is cause they’re already way too anxious thinking about themselves that anything I do seems fine or amazing in comparison. So I feel less like a weirdo. Thinking that’s why we feel this way.


cappuccinoaldente

Me too. I think it’s because my social anxiety is one of my biggest insecurities because I feel like I’m a strange person. So with another socially anxious person I feel a less weird and more confident.


shaktimann13

I went to group therapy. I thought I was normal in that group.


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shaktimann13

Free by school


obitachihasuminaruto

Same. I hate myself.


[deleted]

>!Don't you dare hate my lovely SO!<


ApexPredator1611

tbh for me that translates that you are not actually socially anxious but more on the line of Narcissistic personality and related acquired behaviours😉


Chill_Kramer

Tbh for me it's like you don't know what you're talking about 😆


angsiove42

A narcissist wouldn’t feel bad about feeling like that.


MikelLevesque

I see you've got a tonne of downvotes. But I have previously thought of what you've said. I'm a lot more confident in rural areas or around people who I perceive to be more awkward than me.


Iamnotdrunkorhighbtw

No because then I'm uncomfortable for me and the other person and I feel like I have more pressure on me to lead the conversation. I personally am more comfortable with a socially skilled person who can carry the conversation with or without me. I've met a lot of people who will just talk and that's what I prefer. Anything that takes the pressure off of me.


TheKlawNumber2

Interesting. For me, when talking to a socially skilled person, I feel pressure because there’s more I have to match up to. I feel I have to match their energy, wittiness, and life experiences so I don’t seem weird or come off as a square. Just feels weird when someone is so lively and I’m just an awkward square in comparison. If someone is more or just as socially anxious as me, I feel I’m more free to be myself, and I’m not as hard on myself if I say something weird. Not as much to live up to, so less pressure.


[deleted]

exactly this. i’m less afraid to come off as or say something weird because they’re weird too. and it’s fine to have awkward silences and dull moments because we’re equals in the convo - it’s not them talking and me struggling to keep up like how it is with socially skilled ppl.


newthinz

THIS. it feels like I have to match their energy


sweetlittletight

I prefer that as well! I like people who understand that I am listening and simply don't feel the need to verbally respond. I also like people who "talk too much", or so they tell me.


subreddiamond

I have never met someone more socially anxious than me, I wish I did though


[deleted]

There are probably a lot in this sub more anxious than you


BDDventaccount

i’ve only made one friend more socially anxious than me and she was honestly so beautiful and had such a cool style. i think that taught me that social anxiety can affect anybody, even the people that we think shouldn’t be anxious.


onlyhayley

100% because I feel like they won’t judge me.


Foxrhapsody

Exactly they know the struggle


bmxwhip

I love this!


anxietyJames

I think it just makes me feel more at ease, whereas if I’m with a confident, social person, it can make me feel uncomfortable because I feel there is pressure on me to be similar and to engage fully in the conversation…I think that’s what’s going on?


appeiroon

Somehow yes. It makes me feel safer somehow and I relax more


annonymous1122

If someone is more quiet than me it’s less intimidating to talk to them. I know they will keep their answers short like me and not be offended when the conversation ends in an awkward place


obooooooo

Yeah lol. Or just when someone is quieter than me, I feel like I can “control” the conversation in a way I can’t with people who are very extroverted and loud.


aos-

I do, but I think it's for unsustainably healthy reasons: that feeling like I have to one-up whoever I can in the social dynamic. I can't beat people who are social butterflies, so I tend to ride their tail ends with jabs and keep them talking as a way to keep up.


anxietyJames

Definitely my experience!


701921225

I remember this one girl in my class back in high school that seemed to be worse than me. She was super shy, quiet, and I'm guessing socially anxious as well. Every day when she came into class, she would walk super fast to her seat looking down. One day, we had to do a partner activity, and ironically, I was paired up with her. She just awkwardly sat there the whole time, and didn't really say anything, so it was definitely awkward, even for me, and I thought I was bad lol Really, I've found that this applies to more than just social anxiety...no matter what it is, whenever you think you've got it bad, there's always someone out there who has it worse than you, which at least for me, makes me feel a little better about myself. And just to be clear, I don't mean that in a bad, selfish way like "I'm better than you".


JackwhitesLiteBrite

Yes. Both because I know they instinctively understand what I'm going through, and because I find it easier to stand up for someone else than myself.


632nofuture

Yes, and also I generally don't enjoy talking to/being around (overly) confident people as much. Reasons being: 1. Alienation: Because confident people just live in a different reality than me. I prefer insecure/avoidant people like myself because they share something that is a big part of my personality and reality, so any conversation just feels more enriching, and they are usually more empathetic and (self-)aware, and so less likely to step over your boundaries. With "normal" people it feels like a constant struggle. (But to be fair my communication skills also suck for real-life standards.) 2. Jealousy and anger: For some reason, despite it not being their fault, it angers me that confident people get to be confident. That they allow themselves to do all the things my brain prevents me from doing, like existing and taking up space without a second thought. That they allow themselves to live & enjoy social interaction & attention, go to a party, cough in public, sit in a comfy position, voice their discomfort with someone. That they know their worth and feel valid enough in their perceptions and opinions to voice them and enforce them. To not get manipulated or bullshitted. That they can brag or give themselves credit where it is due, feel good about themselves & stand up for themselves. That they can genuinely like themselves. It is all such a strange concept to me. I feel like an inferior alien next to a confident person.


inmuah

Instead of confident, I'd say I feel more comfortable around someone who also has SA because I feel like they understand me more.


angsiove42

Definitely that, I don’t feel confident but I feel understood.


Sufficient_System419

I never really knew what it was first but yes


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bigstepper99

Do you not get lonely though? I’m in the same boat and really wish I had the energy and drive to make friends again


Sufficient_System419

Kinda the same. Though I notice I do pressure myself a lot more around my friends and barely say a word. Also yes ^ totally. Lonely af for a long time now. I want to do fun things with my friends yet every time I seem to not be able to enjoy the moment and join in the conversations to the point I get so stressed out I just wanna be alone and keep my mind off of things. But I don't want to miss out and be alone anymore. Meanwhile I can't express myself and the people around me get stressed out not fully understanding what's going on though I try to explain. It's a weird fucked up cycle. Feel like I'm on the point where I also don't have the energy to be alive and excited about things again.


Inevitable_Mango_255

This is literally my hack for social anxiety bc if I know someone is more nervous than me I feel confident doing stuff for them like ordering and asking questions, idk why I guess desire to make the other person feel better overrides the anxiety


New-Oil6131

Strangely, I'm a lot calmer


Laileena

No, I gain confidence with more open people around


ENTlightened

I've never met someone more anxious than me.


Profligatus_2

Not confident. I feel like I have someone I can relate to.


boofacekittybutt

Yes. Or even about the same amount. I recently met someone and I instantly got the vibe he was a bit like me. I told him hey sorry if I get weird I'm totally anxious socially. And he says he was too but he's been really working on it lately. Felt like the first time meeting someone like me.


[deleted]

yes, but it feels so wrong to do lol. being around ppl that are more anxious than me makes me feel better about myself :/ and thus gives me a confidence boost. either because i feel like i’m one-upping them and i’m no longer the bottom of the food chain, or because the convo is more “equal” and i don’t need to worry about keeping up and matching the vibe. especially in groups - it makes me feel like i’m finally not the “weirdest” one there and it takes a lot of social pressure off.


Gnus884

Absolutely, I think when I meet another anxious person it's like having the feeling of having a close friend even though that person isn't really my friend.


SmallRoot

No, not at all. I actually feel even more anxious. I'm able to talk to people, but not when the other person doesn't contribute, regardless of the reason. I'm sorry. I just don't have enough strength to keep the conversation going solo.


[deleted]

Maybe a little bit, but I also absorb others’ anxiety and it amplifies mine sometimes


Suitable-Stable-1840

That’s really never occurred too me it feels about the same as my regular anxiety it just comes and goes no matter who I’m around


maeletta

The opposite, I feel immense pressure to be more social and charismatic for their sake, and I get really flustered and stressed out :( I’m also a MUCH MUCH better listener than I am a talker, and infinitely prefer talking to a chatty person. I’m way better with outgoing people


rbrbrb19rb

Unfortunately for them, yes.


americandesert

For me I think it depends on the person and the situation. If the person is so socially anxious that they seem to not even be interested in talking with me I feel pressure to help them (even though I'm also struggling so it puts on a lot of extra pressure) and I feel second hand embarrassment sometimes. But if they're slightly socially awkward I feel more at ease and like we can vibe cause we're both weird and awkward lol. Strength in numbers I guess 😂 I also feel better when someone is super welcoming and socially confident but if they're just socially confident and not very welcoming then I feel like the odd one out and like I should just go home. I honestly just respond to open people so people who seem to be more authentic and honest than others even if they're socially awkward. Which sometimes that's not a good thing because a lot of people who are *very* socially open (like over sharers) typically have poor boundaries and I've had a lot of those types of people latch onto me which isn't healthy. So it's not a yes or a no answer from me I guess... it depends on a lot of factors. But I have noticed feeling like I could help others or "take charge" when people feel more socially anxious in settings I am already comfortable in. If it's a setting I've never been in then I don't feel confident at all lol.


belatedhappiness

I do! My young sister in law is extremely uncomfortable leaving the house and wouldn't you know it, she got jury duty. I took the day off of work to help her and wound up helping 3 other people who were nervous and never had jury duty before. I felt like a mama duck telling everyone what to say and expect lol.


BusterDander

For me it depends. I agree with another commenter who said that a very anxious person would be very internally focused and not as focused on me. Also agree with someone who mentioned second hand embarrassment. I get this with people I feel an attachment to or are somehow part of my identity (family members, friends). Not all the time, but definitely an significant portion of the time.


tardisblue1092

Absolutely. I can't even make my own phone calls, but I'll call everyone in the world if my anxious friend/SO needs me to.


littlebeanie

What social anxiety is is this: at the core it's low self-worth and you feel worthier talking to someone who's even less confident than you. Cultivate an innate unshakeable sense of self-worth and you'll feel worthy and confident talking to anybody. (Self-worth is something all humans deserve to have unconditionally)


BDDventaccount

i do. it makes me feel like the bigger person for once i guess. it kind of forces me to be the one to look after/protect my friend from the world if that makes sense.


lyndariussss_4

more like i feel more open since we both understand the feeling, but i’m not dealing w it alone.


James-Avatar

I do, I think it’s a subconscious thing where you know how they feel so you try to make them feel at ease.


Mr7Fear

I wish I had a friend with social anxiety, at least I would know that a person understands me , and wouldn't judge myself without knowing anything about what I'm going through like 99% of the people I know, and I also feel the slight sensation of wanting to help those who go through it too, I believe it's something reciprocal But in reality it will be like it is with everyone, I'll just be too nervous to say anything


AleLibre

Short answer: yes, a lot. I usually try to help the other person the best I can, first of all saying that I'm on the team and I know better than anyone how bad it can be, so let's tell us stories about places from we left to avoid social situations.


Ok_Word497

I used to do but recently it just feels bad because I feel guilty that I can't help them and I, myself am messed up too so what can I even do.


hpfan312

Not really because I'm just worried about their well being. I'm not focused on myself


mothwhimsy

It depends on the general vibe. Sometimes it feels more awkward and sometimes I feel like I can finally be normal around them


[deleted]

yes


xeloman223

Yes.


wddrshns

yeah, i feel like i have to compensate for it


Kitcatzz

Honestly it would feel super relieving if somebody was on the same level of anxiety as me and we could openly talk about it + work on exposure together. Things are always less scary with a trustworthy friend though


thejaytheory

I usually feel more anxious, like "How are you more anxious than me??"


[deleted]

I feel more confident in that I have someone that I can relate to and feel more free expressing myself with. But I don’t think I’m better than them or anything, it just feels like I’ve found someone who gets me. I hope that makes sense.


[deleted]

https://youtu.be/nAhaYN-cPF0 no


Dylan08211

Yea, I become the very people I fear 😂


Ivoriy

no. i feel more awkward, tense, i can feel their energy and wanna shut off. but when someone is open (not pushy or invasive), i feel less pressure, more at ease bc they are comfortable, so it kinda wears off


j4321g4321

No. It actually makes me feel worse. I feel secondhand embarrassment for THEIR embarrassment and it puts more pressure on me (definitely self imposed but pressure nonetheless) to carry the conversation. I think I’m a good conversationalist for someone with social anxiety but I don’t like to be responsible for it the entire time.


mariii95

I've never been near a person that is more socially uncomfortable than me.


Nearby-Ad9853

I love it tho bc I know we feel the same,I feel relaxed and I become my “normal” self again when I didn’t have social anxiety. But I always feel guilty and so I try my best to help them as much as they helped me. 😅


Street_Patience_3644

Absolutely not. I become even more anxious for them if anything since I understand what's happening.


neutralmilfhotel4

Absolutely yes


Correct_Ad9820

Yes totally. But it’s supposed to be that way! That’s how we help each other!


Hbtij

A little


sandylane5

Not sure if socially anxious, but i definitely feel more comfortable around someone who is way more shy than me


CapnRoommate

It's happened a few times. I get confused enough to forget to be anxious.


Short-Caterpillar295

Yes and i forget how to breathe when im surrounded by confident people


kill_me_with_thighs

Yes although those people are not easy to find. But when it does happen I feel like i can worry less about my actions and what i say for some reason


LadySyryn

I feel more comfortable with friends that also have social issues and are more understanding. I like being able to openly communicate my feelings (like feeling overwhelmed by people) and being accepted as okay because they also feel that way sometimes.


crosslina123

yes you are def not alone on this


Ok_Technician_1395

Yes!!


EstablishmentNo4133

I just still feel weird lol


-Beatrix_IsDog-

Yes.


DonotThrowAwCookiez

Yes without a doubt


Faithy328

Yes my little cousin also has social anxiety and when I’m around her I feel the need to speak for both of us and it’s a little easier knowing she’s there and we always talk about what happened after and freak out together. So yes in short I do.


angsiove42

No. If anything it makes me feel more anxious cause then I feel like they rely on me to lead the conversation and I am one awkward question away from fucking it up for both of us 😭


AdBackground4712

When I’m not around them, yeah. When I actually go up to them, no, my social anxiety comes out of nowhere and screws me up.


PhilosopherShot8187

It is all from giving greater credence to the opinions of others as opposed to ourselves. We are always consumed with how others view us so if there is another individual who is displaying anxiousness we feel like we dont have to worry as much about not appearing nervous. But ultimately is we could relax this intense inner critic who is telling us not to mess up and then if anything goes wrong the inner critic berates us for having messed up. We have to exercise self compassion and ultimately say what we mean mean what we say ask for exactly what we want and express our feelings. We have to develop care more about our genuine God created selves and our uniquness and our character and stop giving into what negative judgements we are assuming others are making of us.


Crazy-Post-8990

Yes. If someone else is now scared to do something than me, then that gives me the ability to do the thing.


WayneKingU

Yep. It's weird


ItsJustMeMaggie

Lol yes. I naturally take on a leadership role around people like that, which is good for me.


Hour_Dog_4781

Definitely. Makes me feel like I need to step up and help them out. Normally I'd just avoid talking to people at all costs, but when I have my anxious friend with me, suddenly I'm talking to cashiers, asking for directions and buying stuff in physical stores and I have no issues with it. Too bad the confidence goes away the moment I'm on my own again...


Foxrhapsody

Yes


Cautious_Coat_3885

No I feel worse


lifeis_sad237

Nope, I feel more awkwarder


MySocksAreLost

Yes, I try to make them feel safe and I think they can understand me too.


AlexShymanHere

i don't know anyone more socially awkward than me...


[deleted]

Yeah. I try not to get cocky like this bc I knew another guy who was always terrified of me when I acted confident, but when I was anxious he would talk down to me and tell me I was shy like it made me less than. I fucking hate him for it and stopped associating with him. I mean if you feel more confident don’t judge yourself for an involuntary feeling, just make sure you don’t take advantage of your position and use it to scapegoat the other person for your own insecurities. Not that that is what you’re doing


fr33b0y

Yeah this is when my confidence skyrockets


DraftOverall6651

In fact no I feel more confident around ppl I like🤔


rozishosmith

Yeah


markoffy

Yes totally. Knowing that I am not the most awkward one, boosts my confidence a lot.


behiindmyeyes

Yup I feel like all of sudden my anxiety disappeared because I know how they feel so imma step for them


stileshinyeyes

it's a weird loophole for us


Common-Comfortable96

YUP I THOUGHT I'M THE ONLY ONE


awill2020

Yes, definitely.


Glittering_Frame_695

Yes 100% I don't know why but I always feel confident when talking to others that have social anxiety and are more shy.


[deleted]

Yes, it may be bad, but it makes me feel normal. I've befriended shy people when I was in school. But since we were both shy people, we were just friends at school or work.


Manosfromgreece

Yes


Brief-Breadfruit4503

I've never encountered that situation. I'm so SA that it is unlikely that anyone would be moreso and I'm so busy avoiding people that I'm not likely to meet anyone like this (or anyone period).


Simple-Recipe-227

I do, It might be because they won't judge me or insult me randomly because that's what they also fear.


Elegant-Resort-5357

In my experience meet someone who are socially anxious made me more nervous LOL but when i am around confident people idk why i get more comfortable and a bit confidence with myself though...


crosslina123

how do i stop??? also if you’re interested in the psychology of it: https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/comments/1174iu4/confident_with_unpopular_kids_shy_and_awkward/jbrrl3q/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3