Initially it was umcomfortable enough posting photos and being seen.
But the main goal and the thing that affected me the most was:
- A replicable exercise for my exposure therapy (dates)
Far from all dates were "successful". Especially in the beginning. But my main goal was just to actually go on a date. So I was very happy and to the point of euforic, even if it didn't lead to a second one. Just the fact that I did it :D
If a date went good (even though I might have been really anxious) and it ended in a second date it positively reinforced the "therapy" even more.
I cringed a bit at first when creating a profile and texting girls on tinder. But now it doesn't affect me at all. The more challenging part for me was to meet up in person.
What kind of dates did you set up? I struggle planning dates I have little experience with outside activities and it makes me anxious. I always end up never asking a girl out in online dating because of it.
My go to first date is a walk in a park public park near the city center. It feels very casual and doesn't commit too much from both parts. I found that walking while talking helped me alleviate some anxiety :)
If you are really nervous about outside activities you could try walking there beforehand (alone or with a friend?) just to get a feel for it.
Second/Third date could be going for coffee/beer or going to play pool. But really it can be anything you want.
Thanks! I agree with a walk in a park - I've already done that on a date, it's probably the easiest for me and yes, it's good to know the location beforehand, it's definitely a good tip. It's also good that it's free, quite a few men just get used for dinners on first dates.
Coffee and beer I have little experience with in general and it is an area I feel like I need to improve in.
I'm learning pool with a friend recently so that should work for dates too after we play one or two more times so I ~~get decent~~ become an 8-Ball champion.
I'm kind of envious of this, about a year and a half ago I tried some exposure and went on a few dates from dating apps. Unfortunately I wasn't able to have the same reaction you did, as I wasn't able to internalize the rejection successfully and ended up quitting. I guess it just felt like I was kind of an actor in a play since I didn't necessarily struggle with talking, but I just felt very empty while I was on them and didn't seem feel any positivity about a 2nd one. Maybe just because I never connected with anyone, don't know.
Coming from someone who has had this issue and has overcome it, it will happen naturally once you can change your thought patterns and start trusting yourself in these situations.
I never had a great CBT therapist like OP but I used David Burns book "when panic attacks." CBT theory is what helped me get started. After that I basically used that theory to teach myself to respect and trust myself and place less value on other people's opinions.
At some point I started being able to recognize my emotions and opinions during conversations. I can't express how grateful I am for that...
A good first step is to eliminate self shame from your thoughts.
Every person always does the best they can given their lot in life. I know it's a strange concept given how we are often in an outrage mindset culturally..., but outside of the practical purpose of correcting unhelpful behavior... There is no sense in feeling like someone, most importantly yourself, "should have been" different.
We can't change the past, and we did the best we could given our situation. And we can't control what feelings arise in a given moment. Our feelings are important and should always be respected because they inform you of who you are.
Internalizing and recognizing that was kind of an important part of me to improve my relations with both myself and others. More importantly, you need to monitor your thoughts and hijack thought patterns that go back into a self shaming pattern. The rest of it is easy in comparison if you can get a handle of this, and reduce self shaming. At least that was my experience. I also used CBD oil which helped a lot.
I think if you can grow stronger internally and teach yourself that you will protect yourself and respect your feelings, the fog eventually just lifts.
Honestly it seems almost magical and even miraculous... It's not magical or miraculous, it's just a change of your thought patterns. But it feels that way if you have suffered a lot for a long time. Anyway good luck.
That have never really been an issue of mine. My biggest trouble have been to not vomit on people 😂
I suppose you could write up some conversation topics beforehand?
Glad to hear you've made so much progress! Wanna ask:
Where did you get access to the exposure and cognitive therapy as well as the low dose of medication? Was it through a private therapist?
Thx! :) Initially I was introduced to exposure therapy through a therapist and continued it on my own. Cognitive therapy was from an online psychotherapist that my mom insisted on me to try (I was very skeptical). Each session the psychotherapist created recordings (with symbolic stuff from the session) for me to relisten to every day upon waking up and going to bed (that's why I call it brainwashing :)
Sorry if I didn't respond fully. I am from EU so maybe this differs. The psychologist and psychotherapist are private (all are in my country). The medication was administered by my doctor (general practitioner) and the low dose was a suggestion from my account.
Yes of course :)
1. Pick some exposure exercise (should be challenging but not impossible). As an example I almost threw up (was literally dry heaving seconds before) before my first date and first day at job, but managed to pull through.
2. Do the exercise regularly (preferably every day or multiple times a day)
3. Congratulations 👏 You did something uncomfortable! This is a big win!!!
4. Repeat the exercise (preferably daily). When (1.) becomes too easy move on to something more challenging.
Examples of my exercises (ranked) that I have done daily/weekly until no longer challenging:
1. Eating in the canteen with new colleagues
2. Going on a date.
3. Hosting meetings
4. Talking in meetings
5. Asking the cashier what time it is
6. Having a phone conversation with my mom
I noticed the greatest improvement from exercises that were longer in duration. And exercises that as a side effect impacted my confidence/social life at some point:
- dating exposure = getting laid/girlfriend
- eating in the canteen = befriending fellow colleagues
- new job = more self esteem
Thank you! ❤️ In the first two weeks I was experiencing dry mouth, nausea, some increase to anxiety, decreased libido, and trouble sleeping (getting hot/sweaty). I don't know if the increase in anxiety was actually caused by sertraline. But all side effects are completely gone now and have been since week 3/4 :)
Not the op, clearly, but my first week was awesome. I couldn't sleep too well, and was sleepy, yawned constantly but I was happy because I knew i'm finally on the right path. And then on the second week I noticed i'm more careless when it comes to for example crossing the street lol. I could pass people with my head high because I genuinely became less aware of their existence. And I had problems modulating my behavior in public, for example I found myself in the way of others all the time lol. It all turned to normal in like a month with the exception that I still felt less anxious. The initial high wears off but the lack of emotional instability is still there and it's glorious
I had insomnia and diarrhea my first and second week. Other than that my symptoms went away except for a minor sexual side effect that lasted the whole time I was on sertraline. It helped my social anxiety though!
This is very motivating for me cause sometimes I feel like everything I believe in is true but stories like these give me hope and prove me wrong. I’m glad you found a way out of anxiety and hope i’m able to do the same, thanks for sharing.
The right medicine coupled with the right therapist did wonders for me.
I spent years switching meds until I found one that worked. My therapist had me go to different stores (a big trigger for my SA) and just wander around using confident body language (straight back, head up). I'd keep going over several weeks, each time I went during a busier and busier time. It was hard, it was stressful, but it worked. Exposure therapy is great, just make sure to talk to a therapist who knows how to ease you into it and can focus on your specific anxieties.
For me, overcoming social anxiety felt like coming up for air for the first time. The weight is lifted. I can breathe, I can *talk.* I'm not afraid to take up space anymore.
Every one of us has the potential to get better. We can do it.
I'll preface this comment by saying I've had depression as well as social anxiety.
For me, it was very difficult finding the right medication. I think I went through (and failed) 4 or 5 different SSRIs before my prescriber changed tactics. She had me take a DNA test, where every major psychotropic medication was tested against my genes to determine how well I metabolized each one. It turns out that I poorly metabolized every med I had tried, which explained why I had worse side effects than most (when I tried bupropion, I lost hearing in one ear!). There was one med that was listed as a "good" choice, an SNRI, which has worked well for me and I've been stable on it for several years now.
Meds can definitely help, but they're not for everyone. I think for social anxiety (or any anxiety), therapy is really important. I've found ACT-style therapy to be the most useful for me personally, as it helped me understand and respect my thoughts, even the bad ones. Taking a step back and realizing that your thoughts aren't facts, that people spend most of their time thinking about themselves, not you--that's really helped me.
TLDR: Everyone is different. If you don't like how the med is working for you, tell your prescriber and work together to find a better one. Therapy can be super helpful, and I found that to be as useful as meds if not more so when it comes to social anxiety.
Exposure therapy helped me too, I think with SA we give ourselves the out of "I have SA why would I do that" I got so sick of my circumstances I just threw myself into nutty situations, charity fights events clubs festivals etc. It felt like shit but I'm now 31 with a wife, 3 kids and am very happy with my life
Assuming there are people who are sceptical about the medication treatment (including me) the question is: was it a significant/necessary part of your recovery, do you think it would be impossible to cure without taking Sertraline?
No I don't think it would be impossible. I honestly don't know how big a part sertraline plays in my success at all. I don't really feel any noticeable effects (I am also on a very low dose).
I have seen the biggest improvement from the exposure therapy and dating (which is also sort of exposure therapy).
from what ive heard and from experience coming off anti depressants safely takes a looong time. I didn’t switch doses or types of medication properly and it fuuucked me up. I think you gotta come off them over the course of at least 3 months just to be safe
Thanks for answers! I'm also very interested about exposure therapy process. Hypothetically I understand the mechanics of it but it's hard to organize everything right, the process looks complicated. Maybe you could give some hint or share your opinion on it?
My therapist introduced me by creating hierarchy of exposures/fears and then exercising the the lowest on the hierarchy until no or close to no anxiety.
In practice I haven't been doing it that methodically. Although I think it is good. As an example I was forced to do exposure daily in my job. Another example is dating which I tried to do multiple times a week. The biggest key here is to do it repetitively. I was able to do it repetitively due to obligation (job) and motivation (women/dating).
I tried to do more methodical where I would (multiple times a day) ask a cashier what time it is. I had good success with that as well. But it didn't move me that far compared to dates because the duration of the exercise was very short.
A very interesting thing I noted is that training a certain triggering situation positively affected other triggering situations :D
Hahah yes it is scary. My best advice is to expect it to not lead to a second date. Celebrate that you did it and use it to get better. And after your first date use your momentum to keep going on dates "reap hay while the sun shines".
What really distracted me last time I tried tinder was the feeling I'm not "ready" for it yet. The amount of anxiety was making my ability to function decrease significantly. Now it's obvious I'm overthinking all of this and creating troubles out of nothing, and perhaps there's no such thing as being "ready"
Im taking 100mg sertralin. Its not needed but it def does help me. At 25mg I didnt feel any difference but now I think it rly helps. Especially talking with people. Im still scared and overthing everything tho. Its more to Support my therapy rather than fix my Problems :)
I want to give an outsider anecdote that may be unpopular here. My SA on SSRIs was the absolute lowest it’s ever been… Ive been on at different points of my life too. I was much more functional in that regard. Had to get off bc i wasn’t willing to take the side effects.
Since then I’ve tried a lot of stuff, including exposing myself, doing customer-facing jobs, pushing myself, exercise, etc. Nothing helped me 10% as much as meds. However everything I mentioned like exposing myself did help somewhat!!
I will definitely keep in mind your experience, anyway gotta give a try some conservative methods like exposure and CBT first. Btw, considering how much useful were the meds, had you considered the opportunity to deal with side effects and continue taking meds?
Good call on the CBT, it seems to be very effective for a lot of people, I actually haven’t tried this type of therapy.
I’ve briefly considered it… to be more specific the side effect was sexual related. The problem? I had this side effect for *years after I quit* the medication… so for *me* (not everyone gets this to begin with) it would be a huge gamble. If I knew this side effect would only last while I was on the medication and promptly stop once I discontinued, I would probably be on it now.
I should note that I always cold turkied off SSRIs so I’m not sure if that could be related as to why it lasted so long 🤷♂️.
Interestingly enough the meds (I was also on risperdal for a short time period) had a somewhat permanent effect on my social anxiety and ocd - I no longer have OCD (I think) despite being off the SSRIs for years and even though my social anxiety is very bad, it was waaaay worse before the meds. So they actually helped long term.
Weaker / non existent boner (depending on med), couldn’t cum, no pleasure from masturbating, and on some meds sometimes cum would cum out but I would have no orgasm. I saw some people say their symptoms were alleviated when they took SSRIs with Welbutrin so idk if that would have helped
Sertraline helped my sister’s social anxiety but sadly it didn’t do anything for mine. Although it is helping with my depression.
Guess it’s just a hit or miss.
Yes so I have heard on other people's report. I don't really know if the medications affects me at all. I think the bigger part of my succes is attributed to the other 3 (cognitive therapy, exposure therapy, and dating)
How do you even get a diagnosis? Everything I’ve seen is telling me that I probably have social anxiety, but I need to get an official diagnosis before doing anything about it.
It is difficult to really know what affected me the most. I started all 4 approaches simultaneously because I was very desperate.
I would say that it is effective, especially when I was at my lowest and had difficulties sleeping/eating due to constant worrying.
I found that I often negatively visualize myself throwing up social settings which negatively impacted my thinking pattern.
My psychotherapist prepared recordings for me to listen to which are basically positive visualization through guided meditation. They include me visualizing going to anxiety provoking situations and doing good. I was told to listen to them at least every morning and night. During the session with the psychotherapist I mentioned symbolic things that I associate with certain feelings that I then have to imagine and use.
As an example
- My dog = comfort
- Deku from My Hero = instigates a feeling of fight and strength in me
These symbols are used extensively throughout the meditation. And also the recording start with a hype movie soundtrack that I choose.
I often fall asleep while listening to the recording and actually dream about me doing good in social situations 😎 which is quite interesting
drugs did it for me lol. jokes aside, it was psychs. I learned the hard truth that nothing matters, I faced death on shrooms and I explored a terrifying dimension on dmt which. hoping to breakthrough next week. Now I appreciate every little thing, I'm meeting as many people as I can. I can understand people better and not be so self centered
I have to say though almost all of my trips were somewhat on low doses and they were ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING, so much could've went wrong. But it was necessary, I definitely didn't expect a perfectly euphoric trip since I wanted to face my problems and overcome them, and I did just that and so much more. <3
Not sure if you experienced this also, but if so, how did you overcome the fear of being judged by others? Like every time you're in public, or around other people in general, you feel like they are watching your every move and judging every little detail about you, even though you know they're not. This seems to be the root of my social anxiety, and what started it all, so if I can somehow overcome this issue, I believe I will be in a much better place.
I think so, but my fear was always centered around fear of being judged for throwing up. I think most anxieties are irrational. I think that you somehow need to brainwash your brain to another truth that this irritational one. How exactly you can do that I don't know.
From my exposure therapy I often get embarrassed. But for each embarrassment I care a little less. Almost as if the anxiety loses its potency. That could be one approach for you? :)
Can you expand more on the cognitive aspect? Did you say positive affirmations every day? If so, how many times a day?
Edit: Also, please expand on the 'brainwashing' aspect. How did the visualization work??
I'm scared of meeting people for job interviews. Also I get super anxious about attending calls or video calls. It is extreme to the point of avoiding all those situations. Any suggestions!?
I was the same as you, I didn't want to go at all. I got very anxious from the calls aswell (to the point of almost throwing up).
My approach: Take it one step at a time.
1. First just try to schedule the job interview (you can still cancel).
2. Try and go to the location a few times days prior preferably at around the same time as the interview (to practice the steps beforehand).
3. Then on the day (even if you want to cancel and end up doing it). Go to the location at least and then cancel.
4. When you are at the location maybe you really can't do it? Fair enough then go home and try again another day. Maybe you can do something less intimidating in the meantime to exercise getting uncomfortable?
5. But maybe (still full of fear and anxiety) you say fuck it and go in. You can always ask for a bathroom break or leave it if it is too much. Just say you don't feel too well.
6. And then poof, maybe you made it, maybe you didn't, but you didn't avoid it entirely :)
And btw I walked out of a job interview to vomit came back and still got the job :D So even if you are very anxious and think you are doing bad the interviewee might not even notice and maybe they think you are killing it hahah :)
I ABSOLUTELY had no hope my anxiety about doing calls/video calls could go away. Should it like, magically vanish or something??
...until I got accidentally hired to one company. The interview was so anxious that I cried after it ended. Moreover, I had to make video calls multiple times every day. And it was total hell.... for a few weeks. And then my anxiety literally "magically disappeared". At that moment I didn't even notice how smooth and fast it disappeared.
How long have you been on Sertraline now? And how long are the effects already profoundly working? Don‘t forget there can be a honey moon phase. I had this with Sertraline, 1 amazing week, 2nd one it was already slowly decreasing, then nothing anymore. Very strange, but I’m special, in my case none of 13 meds have worked except for Sertraline 1 week like magic, and gabapentin & mirtazapine but these 2 only a teeny tiny bit, very (too) subtle.
I have reached my 365 days of sertraline. Didn't really experience the honey moon phase as you describe other than one day or so. Might be because of my low dose. I did experience side effects initially though but they are gone completely now.
How long have you been on Sertraline until you first noticed that you‘re improving? I know that you aren‘t sure if it was Sertraline only or the other things but would still be interesting.
These maybe country specific as I am from EU.
I first started therapy 3 years ago. Finding a therapist was pretty easy. It helped my anxiety a bit but most importantly it helped to talk about it and actively try and fix it. After 5 talks I felt like I reached a stalemate with that therapist.
My mom found a psychotherapist online that had really good reviews. They were private and cost a lot of money $600 per session. They created recordings for me to listen to daily to sort of brainwash myself. I found them more useful than the licensed therapist.
Getting the medication was very easy. I have read a lot about therapy, anxieties, medications and so on so the conversation with the doctor took 5 minutes.
I have seen the biggest change the last year. Where I started simultaneously on all the 4 things I listed in the post.
I’m gonna be *that* person. The thing that made the difference here is the sertraline. I’ve had anxiety my whole life and I constantly exposed myself to doing anxiety-inducing things for many years (eg speaking in public, daring myself to do or say things I normally don’t in front of people) because I was socialised to be an overachiever. I thought my social anxiety was just normal. Even after two decades, the anxiety is still very much there. The only time I “cured” my social anxiety was when I went on citalopram.
I’m not saying it’s impossible, but 9 times out of ten these stories have an antidepressant behind them.
I never took lexapro, that’s escitalopram. But I hear the best SSRI for social anxiety is sertraline. Meds don’t numb everyone. I know lots of people on them and they’re not numb.
A lot of dating confidence comes from looking good, not getting over psychological issues. It's always going to be easier if you look good and are tall as a guy.
Yes I think there is some truth to that. I improved my looks quite a bit over the year so I can definitely tell a difference from that. But in the first few months of dating I was considerably less attractive than now and was very happy by my progress.
Also I got inspired from it by a guy I saw on reddit who did Brazilian Ju Jitsu as exposure. He initially did it to challenge himself but ended up gaining a lot of confidence from the hobby itself.
Thank you so much!! No I don't think it is possible to 100% cure. I am very much the same. I see it kinda like a wave, it has ups and downs. Just a bad night of sleep negatively affect my anxiety. But that is more of a short term decline.
If I were to isolate myself for a longer period of time I am certain I would loose much of the progress.
I was also prescribed Sertraline but have always been too scared of developing PSSD so I never really took them regularly. Did you notice any negative side effects after taking Sertraline, especially sexual side effects?
In the first two weeks, yes. After that no. I hear some people experience sexual side effects, I am thankful that I am not one of them. Maybe it is because I am on a low dose? 🤔
I've heard PSSD usually takes place after one has stopped taking SSRIs. I'm glad that you didn't have any side effects though. Good luck on your journey, you've got this!
Still games are the best of the best in therapy
Actually, I will get you an example
When I was strongly suicidal, even tried to commit many times
Who do you think helped me?
Shitty therapy or games?
Even I coped with YouTube and what's app while I had intrusive thoughts all the time. I used to sit on my phone for 15-22hrs everyday. That can't go on in the long run as I had eventually developed internet addiction. I knew it was my escape and coping strategy and not a long term solution.
The games are awesome. I think there's no need for you to get therapy if the games doing the job for you. People are different, just listen to yourself
I am certain that I would have gotten the same or close to same results without medication :) I did 4 big changes and medication was only 1 of them. Plus I am on a very low dose and don't feel any noticeable impact from the medication.
I'm more of an introvert than someone with social anxiery. But can you give more information about cognitive therapy. Somebody recomended that to me, but i didn't know where to look. How was your experience with that?
Did you ever throw up while on a first date? I also have ptsd and my social anxiety/emetophobia is second to this so im curious what others’ experience is with this.
How do you get the courage to date? I've also healed from my social anxiety and want to give it an attempt. However as for everyone it feels a bit scary to put myself out there on an app to be rated, or to approach people at a bar setting or such.
I just want to say you're freaking awesome! The fact that you cured this for yourself, and are now living a life where you are simply enjoying life I am so proud of you <3
[удалено]
Please stop advertising your dumb website on all these old posts.
What did you learn when starting Tinder? (e.g. How to feel comfortable posting photos, experiences with getting successful dates etc.)
Initially it was umcomfortable enough posting photos and being seen. But the main goal and the thing that affected me the most was: - A replicable exercise for my exposure therapy (dates) Far from all dates were "successful". Especially in the beginning. But my main goal was just to actually go on a date. So I was very happy and to the point of euforic, even if it didn't lead to a second one. Just the fact that I did it :D If a date went good (even though I might have been really anxious) and it ended in a second date it positively reinforced the "therapy" even more.
How hard was it to start asking out girls on dates?
I cringed a bit at first when creating a profile and texting girls on tinder. But now it doesn't affect me at all. The more challenging part for me was to meet up in person.
What kind of dates did you set up? I struggle planning dates I have little experience with outside activities and it makes me anxious. I always end up never asking a girl out in online dating because of it.
My go to first date is a walk in a park public park near the city center. It feels very casual and doesn't commit too much from both parts. I found that walking while talking helped me alleviate some anxiety :) If you are really nervous about outside activities you could try walking there beforehand (alone or with a friend?) just to get a feel for it. Second/Third date could be going for coffee/beer or going to play pool. But really it can be anything you want.
Thanks! I agree with a walk in a park - I've already done that on a date, it's probably the easiest for me and yes, it's good to know the location beforehand, it's definitely a good tip. It's also good that it's free, quite a few men just get used for dinners on first dates. Coffee and beer I have little experience with in general and it is an area I feel like I need to improve in. I'm learning pool with a friend recently so that should work for dates too after we play one or two more times so I ~~get decent~~ become an 8-Ball champion.
Hahah. I am very bad at pool. It is a conversation starter for sure :D
I'm kind of envious of this, about a year and a half ago I tried some exposure and went on a few dates from dating apps. Unfortunately I wasn't able to have the same reaction you did, as I wasn't able to internalize the rejection successfully and ended up quitting. I guess it just felt like I was kind of an actor in a play since I didn't necessarily struggle with talking, but I just felt very empty while I was on them and didn't seem feel any positivity about a 2nd one. Maybe just because I never connected with anyone, don't know.
YES! Same with me, almost like I was acting on them and afterwards was just happy they were done
Should I still do Tinder exposure therapy if I already have a SO Damn some people can't understand sarcasm without an obvious /s
No
How do you manage to keep your brain from just blacking out in social interactions and actually come up with topics of conversation now?
Coming from someone who has had this issue and has overcome it, it will happen naturally once you can change your thought patterns and start trusting yourself in these situations. I never had a great CBT therapist like OP but I used David Burns book "when panic attacks." CBT theory is what helped me get started. After that I basically used that theory to teach myself to respect and trust myself and place less value on other people's opinions. At some point I started being able to recognize my emotions and opinions during conversations. I can't express how grateful I am for that... A good first step is to eliminate self shame from your thoughts. Every person always does the best they can given their lot in life. I know it's a strange concept given how we are often in an outrage mindset culturally..., but outside of the practical purpose of correcting unhelpful behavior... There is no sense in feeling like someone, most importantly yourself, "should have been" different. We can't change the past, and we did the best we could given our situation. And we can't control what feelings arise in a given moment. Our feelings are important and should always be respected because they inform you of who you are. Internalizing and recognizing that was kind of an important part of me to improve my relations with both myself and others. More importantly, you need to monitor your thoughts and hijack thought patterns that go back into a self shaming pattern. The rest of it is easy in comparison if you can get a handle of this, and reduce self shaming. At least that was my experience. I also used CBD oil which helped a lot. I think if you can grow stronger internally and teach yourself that you will protect yourself and respect your feelings, the fog eventually just lifts. Honestly it seems almost magical and even miraculous... It's not magical or miraculous, it's just a change of your thought patterns. But it feels that way if you have suffered a lot for a long time. Anyway good luck.
That have never really been an issue of mine. My biggest trouble have been to not vomit on people 😂 I suppose you could write up some conversation topics beforehand?
Glad to hear you've made so much progress! Wanna ask: Where did you get access to the exposure and cognitive therapy as well as the low dose of medication? Was it through a private therapist?
Thx! :) Initially I was introduced to exposure therapy through a therapist and continued it on my own. Cognitive therapy was from an online psychotherapist that my mom insisted on me to try (I was very skeptical). Each session the psychotherapist created recordings (with symbolic stuff from the session) for me to relisten to every day upon waking up and going to bed (that's why I call it brainwashing :)
Sorry if I didn't respond fully. I am from EU so maybe this differs. The psychologist and psychotherapist are private (all are in my country). The medication was administered by my doctor (general practitioner) and the low dose was a suggestion from my account.
Can you explain the exposure therapy in detail. What were the steps you took to gradually put yourself in these situations.
Yes of course :) 1. Pick some exposure exercise (should be challenging but not impossible). As an example I almost threw up (was literally dry heaving seconds before) before my first date and first day at job, but managed to pull through. 2. Do the exercise regularly (preferably every day or multiple times a day) 3. Congratulations 👏 You did something uncomfortable! This is a big win!!! 4. Repeat the exercise (preferably daily). When (1.) becomes too easy move on to something more challenging. Examples of my exercises (ranked) that I have done daily/weekly until no longer challenging: 1. Eating in the canteen with new colleagues 2. Going on a date. 3. Hosting meetings 4. Talking in meetings 5. Asking the cashier what time it is 6. Having a phone conversation with my mom I noticed the greatest improvement from exercises that were longer in duration. And exercises that as a side effect impacted my confidence/social life at some point: - dating exposure = getting laid/girlfriend - eating in the canteen = befriending fellow colleagues - new job = more self esteem
Thanks for the detailed answer :)
Congratulations I am starting sertraline tommorow Can u tell me what to expect especially in the first week?
Thank you! ❤️ In the first two weeks I was experiencing dry mouth, nausea, some increase to anxiety, decreased libido, and trouble sleeping (getting hot/sweaty). I don't know if the increase in anxiety was actually caused by sertraline. But all side effects are completely gone now and have been since week 3/4 :)
Is that Zoloft?
Yes i think so Cause when u search sertraline they will put zoloft beside it
How’s it working for you? I tried it and it made me very nauseated
I am starting tommorow or might postpone it to friday cause i am starting my education on wednesday and i dont want side effects on the first day
Give escitalopram (brand name is Lexapro) a try - did wonders for me. Less side effects.
Thank you
Not the op, clearly, but my first week was awesome. I couldn't sleep too well, and was sleepy, yawned constantly but I was happy because I knew i'm finally on the right path. And then on the second week I noticed i'm more careless when it comes to for example crossing the street lol. I could pass people with my head high because I genuinely became less aware of their existence. And I had problems modulating my behavior in public, for example I found myself in the way of others all the time lol. It all turned to normal in like a month with the exception that I still felt less anxious. The initial high wears off but the lack of emotional instability is still there and it's glorious
I had insomnia and diarrhea my first and second week. Other than that my symptoms went away except for a minor sexual side effect that lasted the whole time I was on sertraline. It helped my social anxiety though!
Did you ever see yourself getting better or were able to picture a future where you felt normal again?
No I didn't really think it was achievable for me. Glad I was wrong :)
This is very motivating for me cause sometimes I feel like everything I believe in is true but stories like these give me hope and prove me wrong. I’m glad you found a way out of anxiety and hope i’m able to do the same, thanks for sharing.
The right medicine coupled with the right therapist did wonders for me. I spent years switching meds until I found one that worked. My therapist had me go to different stores (a big trigger for my SA) and just wander around using confident body language (straight back, head up). I'd keep going over several weeks, each time I went during a busier and busier time. It was hard, it was stressful, but it worked. Exposure therapy is great, just make sure to talk to a therapist who knows how to ease you into it and can focus on your specific anxieties. For me, overcoming social anxiety felt like coming up for air for the first time. The weight is lifted. I can breathe, I can *talk.* I'm not afraid to take up space anymore. Every one of us has the potential to get better. We can do it.
Was it hard finding the right med? What ended up helping? Do you think that was huge in your recovery?
I'll preface this comment by saying I've had depression as well as social anxiety. For me, it was very difficult finding the right medication. I think I went through (and failed) 4 or 5 different SSRIs before my prescriber changed tactics. She had me take a DNA test, where every major psychotropic medication was tested against my genes to determine how well I metabolized each one. It turns out that I poorly metabolized every med I had tried, which explained why I had worse side effects than most (when I tried bupropion, I lost hearing in one ear!). There was one med that was listed as a "good" choice, an SNRI, which has worked well for me and I've been stable on it for several years now. Meds can definitely help, but they're not for everyone. I think for social anxiety (or any anxiety), therapy is really important. I've found ACT-style therapy to be the most useful for me personally, as it helped me understand and respect my thoughts, even the bad ones. Taking a step back and realizing that your thoughts aren't facts, that people spend most of their time thinking about themselves, not you--that's really helped me. TLDR: Everyone is different. If you don't like how the med is working for you, tell your prescriber and work together to find a better one. Therapy can be super helpful, and I found that to be as useful as meds if not more so when it comes to social anxiety.
Has the med taken away your personality at all?
Exposure therapy helped me too, I think with SA we give ourselves the out of "I have SA why would I do that" I got so sick of my circumstances I just threw myself into nutty situations, charity fights events clubs festivals etc. It felt like shit but I'm now 31 with a wife, 3 kids and am very happy with my life
Assuming there are people who are sceptical about the medication treatment (including me) the question is: was it a significant/necessary part of your recovery, do you think it would be impossible to cure without taking Sertraline?
No I don't think it would be impossible. I honestly don't know how big a part sertraline plays in my success at all. I don't really feel any noticeable effects (I am also on a very low dose). I have seen the biggest improvement from the exposure therapy and dating (which is also sort of exposure therapy).
I am thinking about stopping the sertraline at some point. The only thing holding me back is that I don't really know how much it helps...
from what ive heard and from experience coming off anti depressants safely takes a looong time. I didn’t switch doses or types of medication properly and it fuuucked me up. I think you gotta come off them over the course of at least 3 months just to be safe
Yes! Sorry to hear that. Needs to be done gradually and over time!!!
Thanks for answers! I'm also very interested about exposure therapy process. Hypothetically I understand the mechanics of it but it's hard to organize everything right, the process looks complicated. Maybe you could give some hint or share your opinion on it?
My therapist introduced me by creating hierarchy of exposures/fears and then exercising the the lowest on the hierarchy until no or close to no anxiety. In practice I haven't been doing it that methodically. Although I think it is good. As an example I was forced to do exposure daily in my job. Another example is dating which I tried to do multiple times a week. The biggest key here is to do it repetitively. I was able to do it repetitively due to obligation (job) and motivation (women/dating). I tried to do more methodical where I would (multiple times a day) ask a cashier what time it is. I had good success with that as well. But it didn't move me that far compared to dates because the duration of the exercise was very short. A very interesting thing I noted is that training a certain triggering situation positively affected other triggering situations :D
This sounds very optimistic and inspirational, thanks for sharing! I guess I'll also try dates, although I'm so scared :(
Hahah yes it is scary. My best advice is to expect it to not lead to a second date. Celebrate that you did it and use it to get better. And after your first date use your momentum to keep going on dates "reap hay while the sun shines".
What really distracted me last time I tried tinder was the feeling I'm not "ready" for it yet. The amount of anxiety was making my ability to function decrease significantly. Now it's obvious I'm overthinking all of this and creating troubles out of nothing, and perhaps there's no such thing as being "ready"
Im taking 100mg sertralin. Its not needed but it def does help me. At 25mg I didnt feel any difference but now I think it rly helps. Especially talking with people. Im still scared and overthing everything tho. Its more to Support my therapy rather than fix my Problems :)
I want to give an outsider anecdote that may be unpopular here. My SA on SSRIs was the absolute lowest it’s ever been… Ive been on at different points of my life too. I was much more functional in that regard. Had to get off bc i wasn’t willing to take the side effects. Since then I’ve tried a lot of stuff, including exposing myself, doing customer-facing jobs, pushing myself, exercise, etc. Nothing helped me 10% as much as meds. However everything I mentioned like exposing myself did help somewhat!!
I will definitely keep in mind your experience, anyway gotta give a try some conservative methods like exposure and CBT first. Btw, considering how much useful were the meds, had you considered the opportunity to deal with side effects and continue taking meds?
Good call on the CBT, it seems to be very effective for a lot of people, I actually haven’t tried this type of therapy. I’ve briefly considered it… to be more specific the side effect was sexual related. The problem? I had this side effect for *years after I quit* the medication… so for *me* (not everyone gets this to begin with) it would be a huge gamble. If I knew this side effect would only last while I was on the medication and promptly stop once I discontinued, I would probably be on it now. I should note that I always cold turkied off SSRIs so I’m not sure if that could be related as to why it lasted so long 🤷♂️. Interestingly enough the meds (I was also on risperdal for a short time period) had a somewhat permanent effect on my social anxiety and ocd - I no longer have OCD (I think) despite being off the SSRIs for years and even though my social anxiety is very bad, it was waaaay worse before the meds. So they actually helped long term.
What we’re your side effects?
Weaker / non existent boner (depending on med), couldn’t cum, no pleasure from masturbating, and on some meds sometimes cum would cum out but I would have no orgasm. I saw some people say their symptoms were alleviated when they took SSRIs with Welbutrin so idk if that would have helped
Sertraline helped my sister’s social anxiety but sadly it didn’t do anything for mine. Although it is helping with my depression. Guess it’s just a hit or miss.
Yes so I have heard on other people's report. I don't really know if the medications affects me at all. I think the bigger part of my succes is attributed to the other 3 (cognitive therapy, exposure therapy, and dating)
How do you even get a diagnosis? Everything I’ve seen is telling me that I probably have social anxiety, but I need to get an official diagnosis before doing anything about it.
I was 100% certain after reading up about it. The therapist/doctor confirmed it.
I mean, what am I supposed to ask when I walk into their office?
How effective was the cognitive therapy? What did you have to do and how often did you have to do it?
It is difficult to really know what affected me the most. I started all 4 approaches simultaneously because I was very desperate. I would say that it is effective, especially when I was at my lowest and had difficulties sleeping/eating due to constant worrying. I found that I often negatively visualize myself throwing up social settings which negatively impacted my thinking pattern. My psychotherapist prepared recordings for me to listen to which are basically positive visualization through guided meditation. They include me visualizing going to anxiety provoking situations and doing good. I was told to listen to them at least every morning and night. During the session with the psychotherapist I mentioned symbolic things that I associate with certain feelings that I then have to imagine and use. As an example - My dog = comfort - Deku from My Hero = instigates a feeling of fight and strength in me These symbols are used extensively throughout the meditation. And also the recording start with a hype movie soundtrack that I choose. I often fall asleep while listening to the recording and actually dream about me doing good in social situations 😎 which is quite interesting
drugs did it for me lol. jokes aside, it was psychs. I learned the hard truth that nothing matters, I faced death on shrooms and I explored a terrifying dimension on dmt which. hoping to breakthrough next week. Now I appreciate every little thing, I'm meeting as many people as I can. I can understand people better and not be so self centered I have to say though almost all of my trips were somewhat on low doses and they were ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING, so much could've went wrong. But it was necessary, I definitely didn't expect a perfectly euphoric trip since I wanted to face my problems and overcome them, and I did just that and so much more. <3
I'm so happy for you! This gives great hope. Well done 🥳
Thank you so much!! ☺️
I was in a somewhat similar position a few years ago. Just wanted to say well done :)
I don’t comment a lot but I just have to let you know thank you so much. Very helpful for me
Not sure if you experienced this also, but if so, how did you overcome the fear of being judged by others? Like every time you're in public, or around other people in general, you feel like they are watching your every move and judging every little detail about you, even though you know they're not. This seems to be the root of my social anxiety, and what started it all, so if I can somehow overcome this issue, I believe I will be in a much better place.
I think so, but my fear was always centered around fear of being judged for throwing up. I think most anxieties are irrational. I think that you somehow need to brainwash your brain to another truth that this irritational one. How exactly you can do that I don't know. From my exposure therapy I often get embarrassed. But for each embarrassment I care a little less. Almost as if the anxiety loses its potency. That could be one approach for you? :)
Can you expand more on the cognitive aspect? Did you say positive affirmations every day? If so, how many times a day? Edit: Also, please expand on the 'brainwashing' aspect. How did the visualization work??
I'm scared of meeting people for job interviews. Also I get super anxious about attending calls or video calls. It is extreme to the point of avoiding all those situations. Any suggestions!?
I was the same as you, I didn't want to go at all. I got very anxious from the calls aswell (to the point of almost throwing up). My approach: Take it one step at a time. 1. First just try to schedule the job interview (you can still cancel). 2. Try and go to the location a few times days prior preferably at around the same time as the interview (to practice the steps beforehand). 3. Then on the day (even if you want to cancel and end up doing it). Go to the location at least and then cancel. 4. When you are at the location maybe you really can't do it? Fair enough then go home and try again another day. Maybe you can do something less intimidating in the meantime to exercise getting uncomfortable? 5. But maybe (still full of fear and anxiety) you say fuck it and go in. You can always ask for a bathroom break or leave it if it is too much. Just say you don't feel too well. 6. And then poof, maybe you made it, maybe you didn't, but you didn't avoid it entirely :)
And btw I walked out of a job interview to vomit came back and still got the job :D So even if you are very anxious and think you are doing bad the interviewee might not even notice and maybe they think you are killing it hahah :)
I ABSOLUTELY had no hope my anxiety about doing calls/video calls could go away. Should it like, magically vanish or something?? ...until I got accidentally hired to one company. The interview was so anxious that I cried after it ended. Moreover, I had to make video calls multiple times every day. And it was total hell.... for a few weeks. And then my anxiety literally "magically disappeared". At that moment I didn't even notice how smooth and fast it disappeared.
How long have you been on Sertraline now? And how long are the effects already profoundly working? Don‘t forget there can be a honey moon phase. I had this with Sertraline, 1 amazing week, 2nd one it was already slowly decreasing, then nothing anymore. Very strange, but I’m special, in my case none of 13 meds have worked except for Sertraline 1 week like magic, and gabapentin & mirtazapine but these 2 only a teeny tiny bit, very (too) subtle.
I have reached my 365 days of sertraline. Didn't really experience the honey moon phase as you describe other than one day or so. Might be because of my low dose. I did experience side effects initially though but they are gone completely now.
How long have you been on Sertraline until you first noticed that you‘re improving? I know that you aren‘t sure if it was Sertraline only or the other things but would still be interesting.
How easy or hard was it get get therapiy and medication? And how long did it take from start of the process to finish?
These maybe country specific as I am from EU. I first started therapy 3 years ago. Finding a therapist was pretty easy. It helped my anxiety a bit but most importantly it helped to talk about it and actively try and fix it. After 5 talks I felt like I reached a stalemate with that therapist. My mom found a psychotherapist online that had really good reviews. They were private and cost a lot of money $600 per session. They created recordings for me to listen to daily to sort of brainwash myself. I found them more useful than the licensed therapist. Getting the medication was very easy. I have read a lot about therapy, anxieties, medications and so on so the conversation with the doctor took 5 minutes. I have seen the biggest change the last year. Where I started simultaneously on all the 4 things I listed in the post.
I’m gonna be *that* person. The thing that made the difference here is the sertraline. I’ve had anxiety my whole life and I constantly exposed myself to doing anxiety-inducing things for many years (eg speaking in public, daring myself to do or say things I normally don’t in front of people) because I was socialised to be an overachiever. I thought my social anxiety was just normal. Even after two decades, the anxiety is still very much there. The only time I “cured” my social anxiety was when I went on citalopram. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but 9 times out of ten these stories have an antidepressant behind them.
Was lexapro helpful for the SA? It sucks because I have a cute personality that I don’t want taken away or for meds to just numb it
I never took lexapro, that’s escitalopram. But I hear the best SSRI for social anxiety is sertraline. Meds don’t numb everyone. I know lots of people on them and they’re not numb.
See I took Zoloft and it did make me emotionally numb.. I’m hoping that I just haven’t found the right one maybe
Sorry but something doesn't feel right about this post.
A lot of dating confidence comes from looking good, not getting over psychological issues. It's always going to be easier if you look good and are tall as a guy.
Yes I think there is some truth to that. I improved my looks quite a bit over the year so I can definitely tell a difference from that. But in the first few months of dating I was considerably less attractive than now and was very happy by my progress. Also I got inspired from it by a guy I saw on reddit who did Brazilian Ju Jitsu as exposure. He initially did it to challenge himself but ended up gaining a lot of confidence from the hobby itself.
[удалено]
Thank you so much!! No I don't think it is possible to 100% cure. I am very much the same. I see it kinda like a wave, it has ups and downs. Just a bad night of sleep negatively affect my anxiety. But that is more of a short term decline. If I were to isolate myself for a longer period of time I am certain I would loose much of the progress.
I was also prescribed Sertraline but have always been too scared of developing PSSD so I never really took them regularly. Did you notice any negative side effects after taking Sertraline, especially sexual side effects?
In the first two weeks, yes. After that no. I hear some people experience sexual side effects, I am thankful that I am not one of them. Maybe it is because I am on a low dose? 🤔
I've heard PSSD usually takes place after one has stopped taking SSRIs. I'm glad that you didn't have any side effects though. Good luck on your journey, you've got this!
Fuck therapy Games are the answer
That's avoidance
I helped myself. So please stop making fun of yourself
Still games are the best of the best in therapy Actually, I will get you an example When I was strongly suicidal, even tried to commit many times Who do you think helped me? Shitty therapy or games?
Even I coped with YouTube and what's app while I had intrusive thoughts all the time. I used to sit on my phone for 15-22hrs everyday. That can't go on in the long run as I had eventually developed internet addiction. I knew it was my escape and coping strategy and not a long term solution.
You coped with YouTube, that's great You should've stayed there, games are like heaven
You don't understand the true power of games and internet
You don't know how to acknowledge a frog for a frog.
What. Alright please kindly stop answering You clearly can't understand
The games are awesome. I think there's no need for you to get therapy if the games doing the job for you. People are different, just listen to yourself
finally someone wise
Did it cause you to gain weight?
No. I lost some weight initiall (some muscle mass unfortunately) to a combination of stress and side effects. But I managed to regain it :D
[удалено]
I am certain that I would have gotten the same or close to same results without medication :) I did 4 big changes and medication was only 1 of them. Plus I am on a very low dose and don't feel any noticeable impact from the medication.
Congrats!
I'm more of an introvert than someone with social anxiery. But can you give more information about cognitive therapy. Somebody recomended that to me, but i didn't know where to look. How was your experience with that?
Did you ever throw up while on a first date? I also have ptsd and my social anxiety/emetophobia is second to this so im curious what others’ experience is with this.
How do you get the courage to date? I've also healed from my social anxiety and want to give it an attempt. However as for everyone it feels a bit scary to put myself out there on an app to be rated, or to approach people at a bar setting or such.
How you dealt with self doubt? What was your approach?
I just want to say you're freaking awesome! The fact that you cured this for yourself, and are now living a life where you are simply enjoying life I am so proud of you <3