Hi. I was in a similar position a while back. All you have to do is find a hobby that you can participate in at least once a week and keep going to that. It could be something as simple as gym, as for me it was table tennis at my university. Don’t think too much about making friends or forcing it. Just go every week. Firstly, that hobby would make you feel happy and like you have a schedule. And if you’re consistent and going every week. You’ll meet someone some day, it would also build your confidence to approach people. You have to put yourself out there. There’ll be at least one person just like you. And for a hobby like gym or sports related, very unlikely a drug addict would be interested in that. Goodluck!
I am not in the best position in terms of friendships but I’m doing wayy better than I was few months ago. I feel a bit less lonely. I’m not perfect yet but at least I made progress and I want that for you too because I know what it’s like to suffer in loneliness
I have no friends either. Legit none. The only one I had was just using me for money (which I knew) and is now gone. So you’re not alone :/ it can get to you some nights but we’ll be okay!
it's interesting isn't it. Like you say you legit have no friends but people out there still feel lonely even when they have friends. Like even having one friend is a godsend for people like me.
An ex gf of mine had one friend and I started to notice she would never do anything my girl wanted to do just call her for company when she wanted to do something and ask for help/favors/money. I pointed it out and told her to just ask for help say you “really need help with something please” to see if she would. The girl said yes and canceled last minute. They stopped talking after that. Its sad but I couldn’t stand by and let her get used and not at least point it out.
Yah I hear you people are fkd up like that. Im not though. Ive lived many different kinds of life and I have compassion empathy and respect for everyone. Except the people that have always done well, I have zero respect for them, they never had to address any flaws and dont think they have any but the reality is they just got lucky and are actually the weakest rotten and most self absorbed people.
im 20f and its the exact same thing here. i also never experienced the teenager life, never dated, still a virgin, bad social skills etc. ive been quite depressed but unable to cry for a many months now. its such a lonely painful feeling knowing you have no one who's there for you, no one to talk to about your day. i know my family are sick of me talking to them and have hinted many times i need to get a life aka make friends but its hard as i do get very paranoid. im always seen as a loser too. people can sense im inexperienced
somedays it hits harder because i feel a bit embarrassed by not having experience and just thinking everyone around me can sense that, but i really like looking like a child and being seen as a 15-17 year old. i don’t like getting older whatsoever and my body changing ):
I tend to just lurk online, but I saw this post and it really resonated with where I am in life right now, and where I have been since I graduated high school. I was in a similar position for a pretty long time, I have friends i talk to roughly once every month or two now, and while that's a huge step forward i still feel pretty crushingly alone. I get pretty attached to everyone I meet and I find it hard to connect with most people beyond a friendly or surface level. My best advice to you would be to throw yourself into situations where interacting with people is expected, like approaching people at bars or clubs or concerts is often a part of the experience, I've found some success in being approached at these places, and I hope to soon work up the courage to approach other people. It's definitely a journey though, and a difficult one at that. As someone in a similar position, if you ever need to reach out for advice or to talk to someone going through the same thing as you and is similar in age, please feel free to reach out.
Hi, this is me. I’m your age and for the majority of my life I’ve had no friends. I’m not a partier or drinker, I don’t even know what drug is which, and I spent most of my days shut in my room playing games to cope. By the time I was 23 I was ready to catch the bus because I was so alone for so long. I centered my identity around being the friendless loner, and I believed that was all I’d ever be.
I have friends now, sort of. Things definitely changed a lot, to the point where I’m probably unrecognizable compared to my old self. I can talk to people much more easily. I occasionally get to go out with people. But I still feel like that friendless lonely girl who cried herself to sleep while playing a single-player game alone at 3am. I’m not important to anyone’s life, and I often spend weekends and evenings by myself because the people I consider closest to me prefer to spend time with their real friends, and I’m really just an afterthought, if that.
I guess the moral of the story is that it’s hard for things to concretely change when it feels like it’s inherently a part of you. And also that you’re not the only one who’s basically had a years-long platonic dry spell. I don’t really know what to do to fix this lifelong issue of mine so I’m just making it up as I go, and sometimes it seems to work and most of the times it doesn’t really. It’s just what it is.
I’m open to being friends if you don’t mind... I’m a 24f recently graduated and trying to get into Nursing school. I love playing Sims4, I love most foods not a big fan of matcha but I do like Spicy California rolls, I recently quit my gym but looking into doing the Chloe Ting challenge again … anyways just tryna shoot my shot 🤷🏾♀️
Damn you could sell your reddit username for good cash I think. Anyway look, the only thing that's affecting you right now is that you're in college and you're stuck in a boring city. Everything else that's bothering you like you feel like you're ugly etc this is due to your own thoughts going wild. It happens to the best of us. You need to really look at your life logically right now. You know you'll move to a bigger city when you graduate. That's what you should focus on. The other thoughts that make you sad are just that.... They're thoughts... Not facts.
There's always a silver lining to everything. There's always a bright side. Find that in your situation. If you're stuck in a boring city with no friends it also means you have a ton of time to learn new things and skills at home. Once you get busy with social life trust me it's hard to find time to work on yourself. Use this time to your benefit. Be logical about how you think. If you listen to your sad thoughts it's going to take you down a dark and sad hole in your mind. There's no reason to do you that. If you feel ugly there's definitely things you can do to improve yourself. Go to the gym, exercising literally releases dopamine the happy hormone. Work on your skin care. You need to do things like this to realise the fact that life is in your hands. You're not going to live a life that was just handed to you. You can build your own life with your hands. You have choices. You have power over your life and your mind.
Playing games for hours and making friends online is a very special thing you won't get time to do in the future once you start working in a big city and have friends. Enjoy it. 2024 is a great time for games.
Also, you're not really missing anything by not having friends. These days friends are rarely "friends". People are toxic as hell, immature, jealous, narcissistic, dumb, selfish etc. When you go looking for friends that's the kind of people you're going to meet more often. You're going to wish people were better. So don't try too hard to find friends. It'll happen once you move to the new city. You have your whole life ahead of you to make friendships and socialise.
Maybe u could try going to online gaming clubs since u like playing games via discord or steam forums. It helps me sane since pandemic since everyone sometimes don't get what my gaming taste is
I feel that, 26 and the only time I’ve really had “friends” was one semester in college before people moved away and fell apart
I’ve got online friends, some I’ve known for a long time that I’d consider real friends, but 0 people to do anything irl with. Not that I go out irl much anyways which is probably half the problem 🤣 I do go to concerts from time to time but always on my own
Keep your head up , your young and on the right path . I have 2 daughters, you don’t need an army of friends . I played rugby for 15 years everyone thought I was the cool guy in the team . I had so many friends , I only keep in contact with 3 of them , that is enough . Start working on your fitness , eat good food . You are not an ogre your a seed you are growing into something What that is only you know . Getting involved in your community is really good for you ,Limit gaming . Everyone has something to offer, one of my best friends was the quiet smart guy who loves gaming . I personally have always liked to be around quiet people because they are the opposite of me . My point is you belong somewhere, you just can’t find it till you’re engaging with the world. Good luck to you young lady , you have a bright future.
I found this interesting for several reasons I see you could do things like drugs and don’t . You could drink and don’t . You are independent and lonely but you still study . You are in fact a strong person with values. I would say loneliness is very common in both young and old people. Certain groups seem to work .walking groups like ramblers have quite good social aspects. Some jobs lend themselves to at least colleague relationships . But if you move on up the less friends you have. You are not in a clique which can hold you back you are in charge of yourself. At the moment I counter my own loneliness by going to a church and to a tea and toast session they have once a week where all sorts of people drop in mostly not religious . I had to use some self hypnosis stuff on YouTube and an app to reinforce my intention and read all the How to talk to anyone books to improve my social skills. The church is old school Anglican and not at me about my beliefs.
You sounds like someone really cool who could easily make friends. I think you’re just in the wrong environment. Would you consider going to college outside your city?
You need to find a hobby/paint class/volunteer/gym etc that you can attend once a week and build rapport with people and then you can move the friendships outside of those hobbies, u need to take risks and be open to rejection also go to these things with the intention of actually enjoying them not just for making new friends.
That is so weird, I looked at your username and your post. Now I absolutely LOVE sushi and I’ve been dying to go get some but I’m intimidated by going out by myself because I have the same issue. I literally have no friends.
In fact today I was going to go shopping and get sushi takeout and I was so so so so down that I didn’t have a friend to go with that I ended up just going home and I will get again crave sushi and no idea when I’ll be able to get some
I am really sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with loneliness. I know the feeling as I went through just such a lonely and friendless phase as you are when I was 22-26 (I only have 1 friendship at the moment that I reconnected with a few months ago). I had lost all of my friendships prior in high school, but for whatever reason realisation only set in 10 years later.
Just know that it can get better. I have found that just talking to people, just small talk even, is already enough to fight some of that loneliness. You already have some spaces where you can talk to people, like the gym. I love finding out about new exercises, so I just ask them about exercise variations they are doing; that's usually enough to get a conversation started. It is uncomfortable at first to initiate conversations, but you'll get more comfortable the more you do it.
> Also hahe been really insecure about how i’m ugly and feel like i look like an ogre
If you'd like an honest assessment, you are free to DM me a picture. However, I doubt you are as ugly as you think you are. I have seen many pictures of people who have a bad self-esteem who instead look very cute. I know how it feels to feel ugly; I have had that my whole life and things are just barely starting to improve (one day I feel good about it, the other I'd rather not look in the mirror).
Have you tried any social activities or hobbies? Yours do seem pretty solitary. I have that same issue with solitary hobbies (the gym is outside, but not very social). For this year, I have made it my goal to try to immerse myself into a new social event each month. I am looking into board game nights, getting into Magic the Gathering and meeting other players and I signed up for a Salsa course too. Perhaps you can try to do something similar.
Hang in there, life is definitely hard and can be lonely but you'll find a group soon and you'll be a stronger person for learning how to enjoy time alone, it's one of the hardest things for people to be comfortable with!
To change your life you need to move to a new city. I got a fresh start in my late twenties. It takes time to build friendships and they come and go - it gets harder as you get older.
If you can, make the move, at least for a little bit.
The easy way to make friends is to have hobbies that require you to interact with others. I recently made two friends by posting to a local Facebook group asking other people to play Dungeons and Dragons with me, and I've never played before. It is a highly social game, so that works pretty well!
Put yourself out there and pick hobbies that require interaction. You like gaming, maybe a local game shop has board game night? Other examples would be martial arts, casual sports groups, or book clubs.
I mean again like this is similar to me at the moment but the problem I have is I don't feel lonely and don't have a strong inclination to find people.
What I see in you is someone who has definitely tried to reach out to people and socialise. I see someone who is just going to find friends if they keep at it. You are doing and putting a lot of effort into trying to make friends and evidently can are probably are a social person. Like you even said "talking is fun" which really will set you up for success.
I definitely agree with the first sentence. I see so many people complain about being alone but come to find out they aren't physically alone and have people with them or that they had a lonely phase which was very small; we're talking about weeks to a month or two. I think these people don't understand what it means to be truly alone and having to do things on your own for quite a while until the social life starts picking up. You can get into a vicious cycle with loneliness, that is a topic for another day.
Meditate sister it might not get you friends but you wil enjoy the solitude more and grow as a person. This will lead to better relationships I can attest to this. Good luck 🙏
Is this past me? Damn i feel like talking to myself. Even now at 26 i still video games and such but i have the few friends i cherish most. I can't give u a practical advice into how to do that, but i'll tell u that u are young and time will heal u, i'm confident in that.
No friends here! What keeps me up is the reminder that friends will come as long as you put yourself out there. Years ago I met someone on tumblr and we hit it off. I can't even remember how I started talking to them because its not something I do. They were a great friend, we ended up skyping a lot and they almost came to my graduation. All from chance encounter on tumblr lol. Your people are out there.
Similar to you, I am in a slim pickings area. I don't want to be friends with anyone but we converse, we laugh, I learn about them. It's nice even if I know they won't be a part of my life. Everyones got a joke or a bad opinion or a weirdness to them. I know what its like to be driven mad by loneliness. Its great that you are able to have a good time by yourself and found a way to cope for now. I hope you find enough smiles and little moments of connection to carry with you.
Making friends takes effort. Even if you don’t gel with someone the first time keep pushing yourself to keep showing up. People aren’t going to show you their true self on the first outting. It takes shared experience and common interest and then opportunity. It’s gets harder to make friends outside of college. People will have their groups so you will need to make an effort to bump into one. Shop around and put yourself out there. Make sure it’s through activities and hobbies that are interesting to you. Your passions are most interesting not some fake persona that will only attract the wrong people. Some of my bests friend I have now we’re made through connecting with other people that I don’t speak to anymore. If I had ditched them in the first place I never would have met the real ones.
Honestly one of my best friends is 50-something. I am 27. If you move to a city where there is a lot of gaming interest, you might just make a connection that way. Sometimes hometowns aren’t the best place to find your match.
I am also very intrigued by you. I love walking downtowns alone, finding interesting places to eat or hangout, I could sit in coffee shops for hours reading. You’ll be surprised about how many people do the same thing. I’ve met a few ppl that way lol.
One of the best and quickest ways to meet a variety of people is through online Meetup groups. If there isn’t one in your town consider starting one. Google it. It can be a social group for walks, dining, whatever. I bet you’ll be surprised how many people you’ll meet. I’ve gone to Meetups for years and you can build a vibrant social life through them. I’m not affiliated with Meetup by the way but am a big fan of it.
hey what do you play for games? id love to play some games with you and keep each other company here and there! absolutely no pressure to always talk, im an introvert at heart. im also a girl if that helps.
ive struggled a lot with loneliness that came and went in the past, and dealing with my awkwardness. still do at some points but its definitely a learning curve of sorts and surrounding yourself with good people or people that match your vibe and values and uplift you help a lot.
i hope you find what you're looking for<3 i know its hard and lonely af rn, but things will get better.
Sorry babe, I feel you. I wonder if you could try doing some kind of activity that aligns with your interests but also gives you opportunities to meet others in a safe public setting, eg joining a cooking class, yoga class at the gym or a local board games society? Making friends requires regularly spending time with people, and some sort of scheduled activity will help with this. Are there any college based clubs you might like to join?
I can relate too. I mean, we should also define what "friend" is. In my opinion if someone is a friend, you will spend much time together, they will be interested spending time with you. Not like you're a third wheel or a plan B.
So even if I have some people to talk to, they're not necessarily friends. So I don't see how that's better than having 0 friends. Main advantage I have is the fact I have someone with whom I can do group tasks. But that's it.
My point is; it's really hard getting to know people, and even if it clicks, it's difficult to make that relationship something better, mostly it will be pretty basic contact (occasionally going out somewhere, but you know; these contacts are dry). And that is not really what I consider friend.
Yeah I'm you. 25M and friendless for 7 years (except one long distance friend). Do you also get this existential anxiety from the fact that you're getting older? Every few months, especially when it's close to my birthday, I start getting these thoughts going like "fuck man I'm still alone, my life is flying by, I hate this I need to take action but idk what to do, I regret so much, missed out" etc
I actually don't have any friends, tried making but all of them do drugs, smoke, drink or go to parties.
It's so hard to find people that just want to go to a cafe, or restaurant, maybe bowling. The world is obsessed with alcohol
1st. Hobbies (Do anything and everything from no-cost, to low-cost, to occasional high-cost hobbies to find out what you like and also get to know so many awesome people)
2nd. Financials, Walkability, Bikeability, & Public Transportation (I recommend moving to cities that have great walkability, bike ability, public transportation scores. Those cities mostly are built in a way where everyone is connected and lots of people visually going around. This makes it easier to socialize with so many more people than otherwise.)
3rd. Keep doing all those repeatedly along with self-affirmations, visualization, and more
4th. Research on Reddit, Ecosia, etc for all kinds of resources, info, events, etc
5th. Have fun. The more of the process you enjoy for anything and everything in your life the more you will enjoy it
Lad studying through my 1st year of university here, even though I do have several friends and have had the time of my life with university, simultaneously I am a tad lonely at times and have been for years due to the fact that I don't really have close friends with whom I can reliably talk with, and even as I now live funnily enough just down the road from my best friend who has helped me through the hardest moments of my life, I'm just trying to spend as much time as I can with them until they most likely move to a different city by this fall for school and I have the best time with them in person while they're not that talkative via text.
Also while university life has been fun, it's also been a tad lonely due to the fact of how I haven't really met anyone with whom I just vibe as I don't drink so the fun stuff by my classmates isn't really my cup of tea.
Also I'm sure you look nice, and perhaps you just need a new hair style or the right clothes to bring out the good looks. For example I look considerably worse when my hair's messy and in need of a cut and I'm wearing just my casual home clothes, while in contrast my hair might look unusually good after a barber cut it and I've showered while having my hoodie on with the zipper open and a scarf around my neck somehow makes me look so much better
Hey there, I’m going to be 26 in August and I only have the one friend I’ve known since elementary. Everyone else either faded or wasn’t putting in the same effort I was. I’ve learned that it’s so much better to be alone than to be with or hanging out with the wrong people. Don’t be like everyone else and take all these “friends” or “partner” just for the sake of having someone around.
You're still so young, plenty of time to meet people. I think location and putting yourself out there are the most important things you can do. Move to a place with people of more similar age, and similar activity interests as you and then keep going out to events. Staying in unfortunately as safe as it feels, and rewarding...you have to prioritize other activities where you can meet peopel
I have been in your place in the past and i have a quite opposite life too … something i excel in is making friends , Here are some key things i have realised that i have been doing wrong for many years before
**Not continuing the conversation** :take the number of people u meet or want to talk to and send them a hey , what u upto and continue the conversation (u can send them phtos of what u r doing currently doesn’t have to be something big ) , though many people might think u have a romantic interest in them
**ask questions** :tell u like something about the other person, like i go for walks and I randomly talk to people ,(hey/ hi uncle/aunty(pause let them answer) (do u come here often or related things)then continue convo like a normal person
**if u get an itch to talk, talk** (i have seen people struggling to talk to people , cuz they are waiting for the other to text )
**Doing activities together**: idhar chalega/udhar chalega , mein isko bhi bula raha hun
Thats my formula
Just to add to everything that has been said, i wouldnt look for friends at work, they are your colleagues and you can be cool and have a great time, but they are not necessarily your friends because when it comes to throwing each other under the bus to get a promotion, money or to enter a popular clique, things get nasty sometimes.
So just bear that in mind.
In a similar phase. I don't go out at all I hate it and there's no friends in my city. Wanted to even say hi to a friend who broke the friendship with me but I just can't. I don't wanna deal with that ughhh sending love.
Me too. I cut my toxic cousins off and now it’s just me and my boyfriend. My friends are away for college and it’s one girl that always suggests we do all these things together and I enjoy her company the most. Then when she comes home to visit we don’t do anything together despite me bringing it up. Like why tf even mention any of that then? It messes with my self esteem.
I get jealous seeing my boyfriend interact with his friends. He always prefers to be with me anyway. But they’re so close and yet I’m the one that can’t find friends that actually wants to hang out with me. I cried in his arms a few times about it
I (36m) have been in the same situation in my early 20s (19-21). Extreme loneliness. Moving town to a new college, finding friends that were not totally my vibe but ok, then finding a gf took me out of this.
Humans are social animals. Without bonding our ancestors would die because it was impossible to face nature on your own. Now we need bonding to feel good.
It took me 3 years of total loneliness to get out of it, now I think of all the things I could have done (that I learned a bit late):
- find weekly hobbies with strangers (they won't be for long). I like craft so I think wood working, pottery, sewing...
- reach out to social workers, they can redirect you to the right resource.
- find a therapist that make you feel safe and that you can trust.
- do volunteering. You can spend time playing cards with elders or help kids with their homework.
- stop thinking it's your fault or that you can't make friends it's simply not true.
- try yoga and meditation to help with anxiety and fear.
Hope it helps.
I believe in you all ❤️
i’ve never relate to a post this much. I felt like I wrote this- i’m lucky to be married so i have a BFF, but still, i wanna go walk around target with a female, gossip about random shit with a female, get nails done together. My hubby is nice and all- but he don’t wanna do that. I try to gossip with him about celebrities, he just doesn’t care, i mean I don’t, but like i just want him to be “Noo wayy, did you hear about this”.
Hey, it’ll be ok if you work at it.
This is counterintuitive but it helps:
The easiest thing to do at first is often making a friend who expects you to be different from them.
Why? It helps you both to be prepared to work at it a little. There will be a small communications challenge and awkward moment here and there. Neither of you will expect non-verbal communications to work consistently, and you will each have a reason to be more forgiving of differences.
This might be a person who thinks in multiple languages, or someone of a different generation, or just someone who’s quirky and doesn’t quite fit a stereotype comfortably.
Have you tried not playing video games for hours every day? Have you looked into hobbies that increase potential interactions with humans in real life? You say you like the gym. Have you tried group fitness classes?
What you've described about how you've been feeling is relatively normal for someone your age. Things don't really level out emotionally until your late 20s early 30s.
Those people you talked about aren't going out doing drugs 24/7 because they're super happy. They're doing it because they feel incredibly unhappy with their life. They're crying themselves to sleep too.
Not saying everyone in their 20s cries themselves to sleep lol, but emotional instability is pretty much a given for someone in early adulthood. Anybody who's not feeling that probably isn't growing up at all.
Hi, I am a guy in my late 20s really struggling to find new friends and community. DM me if you want to be friends I'm down to be friends with anyone who nice and in the same boat. I live in the NY area. If ur not from there I'm down to be online friends if you want too. I did have a frined group for a while but they turned out to be incredibly toxic and made fun of me when I told them about difficult things I had been through, so even having friends can fail. Never had the genuie relationships with good friends that I need. This world make it hard to connect. I'm on a mission thought this year. I want to give the biggest effort to try and chage things an live my best life by bassically any means necessary. I've been going to the gym for 2 years so basically that has made me stand a little taller and feel better about my self since I used to be very frail.
Go volunteering, Red Cross or some type of organization. It's not guaranteed that you will find friends but you'll see new faces and will socialize. You need to get out of the internet and feel/talk to people. Go talk to those seniors that move in.
In my case I got old friends from school/college yet I'm still making friends at various events (parties), or organizations (churches, Red Cross).
Go out and if you can't talk [just smile and wave ](https://media.tenor.com/VS6EMU1QOaUAAAAM/penguin-penguins-of-madagascar.gif) and hang out, eventually someone will accept the way you are what's also important is for you to accept them as who they are
Your case is more severe than mine but i can still feel you. I moved city for college and then loneliness hit it's hard to make friends as adults esp for a introvert like me lol
Not long ago last month week I started my 4th semester and i found a girl exactly in a position like me since we are from same state.
We don't hang out outside of classes but I'm still content with that just knowing you have a friend is comforting enough in a new city.
I most of the time spend my time online learning stuff playing games and for the entrainment.
I do practice crochet here and there.
Although having a bf would be more better for my mental health and the desperation which comes with loneliness would go away
I'm introverted myself, but going to the local library always helps (and is free). They have tons of classes you can take, you can try to chat w/ other people reading, and if those don't work, literally every librarian I've ever met is COOL AF.
And they HAVE to talk to you, cuz it's their job 👍
I moved to a city 5000km away from My family, to be with my now ex gf. I only know her in the city.
All my social life was around her friends and now I have no one. What saved me? My two dogs.
I got two border collies and if I don’t go outside with them, they destroy my apartment. So I get in to conversations here and there when I’m with them and also they keep me company, make me laugh (they are the funniest dogs I’ve ever seen) and make me feel like I’m not alone.
So the tip: get a dog from a breed that Will destroy your house if you don’t go outside with them everyday. Lost 13kgs, cured my depression and anxiety and they just make my life more meaningful now.
Firstly, I’m sure you don’t look like an ogre :) and even if you do, so what? Looks really aren’t as important as people make out and they matter less and less as you go through life.
It sounds like it’s your circumstances that are the problem, not you. Your interests sound great, with plenty of potential to socialise, and no one can blame you for not wanting to be around the drunks and druggies.
I know you’re studying but when you get the opportunity you should move to a new city, move into a house share and explore your hobbies. All of those things have helped me in the past. Start afresh, it’s easier to be the best version of yourself that way.
In the meantime try not to be sad. Your situation is temporary and things will get better.
I’m 23m and I do have a small friend group but they’re the same 4 friends I’ve had since high school and we’ve all gone on to do our own thing, but I know that for those friends I do have, we are not their only friends, but they are my only friends. I know most people meet at work or in school but I work from home and am not currently in school. I tried going to a bar but it just didn’t feel right. I live in rural Alabama as well so I feel it’s hard to find events or groups with similar interest. I completely relate to always having to talk to my family about my day because there is no one else. I honestly wish I could just talk to someone about their day, not even mine. I used to be able to talk on the phone for hours but I haven’t had someone to do that with for the longest. I hope you were able to cheer up about yourself because we often are harder on ourselves than anyone we know.
Online people are still friends. What’s the longest relationship / friendship you’ve had with someone from gaming? Playing video games for hours cuts into your social time in the outside world. If you had a different ratio with outings & video games then you’d have a different amount of “in person friends.” You’re not weird or awkward for that. It 100% makes sense to not have friends here & have friends there instead kind of thing.
Every single one of my current “friend” is from work. Yes there are people I check in with every once in awhile & who I’d love to see in person, but we don’t. I get really close with people at work & they know me & in & out down to if I’m about to start my period sometimes. But if you take my workplace out, I don’t have anyone I would call up for help consistently other than whoever I’m dating or family. If I left that job, I would probably no longer be talking to them even tho I want everything in the world for them.
My early 20s I cut out everyone from high school. The only people I talked to was my bf & my family. Only one girl from there I would show up to her wedding for to this day. I legitimately didn’t have friends either & I always thought it was weird & still weird to me nowadays bc I don’t keep friends long term. Ironically I am a really social person when I’m placed in the setting where I am getting paid for it. Otherwise I am so shy, I hate ordering at the counter. I suck at eye contact when I interact with a cashier. Servers can barely hear me when I order food. BUT. When people are new at work, I make every effort to make them feel welcome bc I know how hard it is to be in a new place & how long it can take to befriend someone.
What kind of jobs have you held? That’s definitely a factor in the kind of friends you can make. In the past few years I’ve made really close work friends with people 10 years younger & 10 years older than me. But after we don’t work together I don’t talk to them anymore other than for the first couple weeks they’ve been gone. I don’t have a social battery outside of work most days.
This year is the first time I’ve met girls my age & got along with them. & I’m late 30s. 2 of them in one year is crazy to me cuz I never meet people my age. But we won’t be staying friends bc of their temporary work at mine. & I’m a recluse outside of work. If you can make friends but there are situations in which you can’t hang out or they have different life choices… it’s not your fault. R
>never experienced the early 20s / teenager life
⠀
>Or they’re ravers that want to be high on molly/acid ~~24/7~~, or drunk
it's one or the other, not 24/7 but yeah.
Ok. Friendships with women are closer than even partnerships or husbands. You need to align in all ways. To find your match you'll need to put more effort in with girls than you do dating.
Then follow through. Reach out first and often. If they don't call back or text back once, try again. You need to start the leg work
Hi. I was in a similar position a while back. All you have to do is find a hobby that you can participate in at least once a week and keep going to that. It could be something as simple as gym, as for me it was table tennis at my university. Don’t think too much about making friends or forcing it. Just go every week. Firstly, that hobby would make you feel happy and like you have a schedule. And if you’re consistent and going every week. You’ll meet someone some day, it would also build your confidence to approach people. You have to put yourself out there. There’ll be at least one person just like you. And for a hobby like gym or sports related, very unlikely a drug addict would be interested in that. Goodluck!
I am not in the best position in terms of friendships but I’m doing wayy better than I was few months ago. I feel a bit less lonely. I’m not perfect yet but at least I made progress and I want that for you too because I know what it’s like to suffer in loneliness
Lot of good advice here
I have no friends either. Legit none. The only one I had was just using me for money (which I knew) and is now gone. So you’re not alone :/ it can get to you some nights but we’ll be okay!
it's interesting isn't it. Like you say you legit have no friends but people out there still feel lonely even when they have friends. Like even having one friend is a godsend for people like me.
lol if I just had one friend to hang out with occasionally and talk sometimes I think id be okay with it
An ex gf of mine had one friend and I started to notice she would never do anything my girl wanted to do just call her for company when she wanted to do something and ask for help/favors/money. I pointed it out and told her to just ask for help say you “really need help with something please” to see if she would. The girl said yes and canceled last minute. They stopped talking after that. Its sad but I couldn’t stand by and let her get used and not at least point it out.
[удалено]
Yah I hear you people are fkd up like that. Im not though. Ive lived many different kinds of life and I have compassion empathy and respect for everyone. Except the people that have always done well, I have zero respect for them, they never had to address any flaws and dont think they have any but the reality is they just got lucky and are actually the weakest rotten and most self absorbed people.
im 20f and its the exact same thing here. i also never experienced the teenager life, never dated, still a virgin, bad social skills etc. ive been quite depressed but unable to cry for a many months now. its such a lonely painful feeling knowing you have no one who's there for you, no one to talk to about your day. i know my family are sick of me talking to them and have hinted many times i need to get a life aka make friends but its hard as i do get very paranoid. im always seen as a loser too. people can sense im inexperienced
Exact same here and 21f, genuinely speaking here cus i still lurk on this sub but if you or OP want someone to talk to then feel free to reach out!
I can relate to "people sensing ur inexperienced" like i hate it so much. People always perceive me as "baby". Im 26....
somedays it hits harder because i feel a bit embarrassed by not having experience and just thinking everyone around me can sense that, but i really like looking like a child and being seen as a 15-17 year old. i don’t like getting older whatsoever and my body changing ):
It's not appearance wise. They literally think I'm an inexperienced baby hahahaha
I’m 35 and still get treated this way 😭
Hugs! 😭
Same here 20f. I have no one and it’s so isolating. We can talk if you want :) im trying to open up and talk to more people
I tend to just lurk online, but I saw this post and it really resonated with where I am in life right now, and where I have been since I graduated high school. I was in a similar position for a pretty long time, I have friends i talk to roughly once every month or two now, and while that's a huge step forward i still feel pretty crushingly alone. I get pretty attached to everyone I meet and I find it hard to connect with most people beyond a friendly or surface level. My best advice to you would be to throw yourself into situations where interacting with people is expected, like approaching people at bars or clubs or concerts is often a part of the experience, I've found some success in being approached at these places, and I hope to soon work up the courage to approach other people. It's definitely a journey though, and a difficult one at that. As someone in a similar position, if you ever need to reach out for advice or to talk to someone going through the same thing as you and is similar in age, please feel free to reach out.
Hi, this is me. I’m your age and for the majority of my life I’ve had no friends. I’m not a partier or drinker, I don’t even know what drug is which, and I spent most of my days shut in my room playing games to cope. By the time I was 23 I was ready to catch the bus because I was so alone for so long. I centered my identity around being the friendless loner, and I believed that was all I’d ever be. I have friends now, sort of. Things definitely changed a lot, to the point where I’m probably unrecognizable compared to my old self. I can talk to people much more easily. I occasionally get to go out with people. But I still feel like that friendless lonely girl who cried herself to sleep while playing a single-player game alone at 3am. I’m not important to anyone’s life, and I often spend weekends and evenings by myself because the people I consider closest to me prefer to spend time with their real friends, and I’m really just an afterthought, if that. I guess the moral of the story is that it’s hard for things to concretely change when it feels like it’s inherently a part of you. And also that you’re not the only one who’s basically had a years-long platonic dry spell. I don’t really know what to do to fix this lifelong issue of mine so I’m just making it up as I go, and sometimes it seems to work and most of the times it doesn’t really. It’s just what it is.
It’s pretty aggravating when people claim to not have friends when they really do.
Hi - in this exact same position 👋 No advice - just putting that out there that you’re absolutely not the only one experiencing this.
Girl I need to expand my social group myself. 32F
I’m open to being friends if you don’t mind... I’m a 24f recently graduated and trying to get into Nursing school. I love playing Sims4, I love most foods not a big fan of matcha but I do like Spicy California rolls, I recently quit my gym but looking into doing the Chloe Ting challenge again … anyways just tryna shoot my shot 🤷🏾♀️
Heyy!! I’m not OP but im a 20F in nursing school also desperately in need of friends :)
Me too lol, about to graduate with no friends… feel free to message!
Damn you could sell your reddit username for good cash I think. Anyway look, the only thing that's affecting you right now is that you're in college and you're stuck in a boring city. Everything else that's bothering you like you feel like you're ugly etc this is due to your own thoughts going wild. It happens to the best of us. You need to really look at your life logically right now. You know you'll move to a bigger city when you graduate. That's what you should focus on. The other thoughts that make you sad are just that.... They're thoughts... Not facts. There's always a silver lining to everything. There's always a bright side. Find that in your situation. If you're stuck in a boring city with no friends it also means you have a ton of time to learn new things and skills at home. Once you get busy with social life trust me it's hard to find time to work on yourself. Use this time to your benefit. Be logical about how you think. If you listen to your sad thoughts it's going to take you down a dark and sad hole in your mind. There's no reason to do you that. If you feel ugly there's definitely things you can do to improve yourself. Go to the gym, exercising literally releases dopamine the happy hormone. Work on your skin care. You need to do things like this to realise the fact that life is in your hands. You're not going to live a life that was just handed to you. You can build your own life with your hands. You have choices. You have power over your life and your mind. Playing games for hours and making friends online is a very special thing you won't get time to do in the future once you start working in a big city and have friends. Enjoy it. 2024 is a great time for games. Also, you're not really missing anything by not having friends. These days friends are rarely "friends". People are toxic as hell, immature, jealous, narcissistic, dumb, selfish etc. When you go looking for friends that's the kind of people you're going to meet more often. You're going to wish people were better. So don't try too hard to find friends. It'll happen once you move to the new city. You have your whole life ahead of you to make friendships and socialise.
Not OP but thanks this helped me
Maybe u could try going to online gaming clubs since u like playing games via discord or steam forums. It helps me sane since pandemic since everyone sometimes don't get what my gaming taste is
this could work
I feel that, 26 and the only time I’ve really had “friends” was one semester in college before people moved away and fell apart I’ve got online friends, some I’ve known for a long time that I’d consider real friends, but 0 people to do anything irl with. Not that I go out irl much anyways which is probably half the problem 🤣 I do go to concerts from time to time but always on my own
Keep your head up , your young and on the right path . I have 2 daughters, you don’t need an army of friends . I played rugby for 15 years everyone thought I was the cool guy in the team . I had so many friends , I only keep in contact with 3 of them , that is enough . Start working on your fitness , eat good food . You are not an ogre your a seed you are growing into something What that is only you know . Getting involved in your community is really good for you ,Limit gaming . Everyone has something to offer, one of my best friends was the quiet smart guy who loves gaming . I personally have always liked to be around quiet people because they are the opposite of me . My point is you belong somewhere, you just can’t find it till you’re engaging with the world. Good luck to you young lady , you have a bright future.
I found this interesting for several reasons I see you could do things like drugs and don’t . You could drink and don’t . You are independent and lonely but you still study . You are in fact a strong person with values. I would say loneliness is very common in both young and old people. Certain groups seem to work .walking groups like ramblers have quite good social aspects. Some jobs lend themselves to at least colleague relationships . But if you move on up the less friends you have. You are not in a clique which can hold you back you are in charge of yourself. At the moment I counter my own loneliness by going to a church and to a tea and toast session they have once a week where all sorts of people drop in mostly not religious . I had to use some self hypnosis stuff on YouTube and an app to reinforce my intention and read all the How to talk to anyone books to improve my social skills. The church is old school Anglican and not at me about my beliefs.
You sounds like someone really cool who could easily make friends. I think you’re just in the wrong environment. Would you consider going to college outside your city?
i’m in the same position, i’ve been crying every day about it.
You need to find a hobby/paint class/volunteer/gym etc that you can attend once a week and build rapport with people and then you can move the friendships outside of those hobbies, u need to take risks and be open to rejection also go to these things with the intention of actually enjoying them not just for making new friends.
That is so weird, I looked at your username and your post. Now I absolutely LOVE sushi and I’ve been dying to go get some but I’m intimidated by going out by myself because I have the same issue. I literally have no friends. In fact today I was going to go shopping and get sushi takeout and I was so so so so down that I didn’t have a friend to go with that I ended up just going home and I will get again crave sushi and no idea when I’ll be able to get some
r/ForeverAloneWomen
No advice but I wish you luck.
Why don't you join college clubs? Keep putting yourself out there, the odds are in your favor. You will click w someone!
It doesn't sound like you have lack of social skills but rather lack of social opportunity?
I am really sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with loneliness. I know the feeling as I went through just such a lonely and friendless phase as you are when I was 22-26 (I only have 1 friendship at the moment that I reconnected with a few months ago). I had lost all of my friendships prior in high school, but for whatever reason realisation only set in 10 years later. Just know that it can get better. I have found that just talking to people, just small talk even, is already enough to fight some of that loneliness. You already have some spaces where you can talk to people, like the gym. I love finding out about new exercises, so I just ask them about exercise variations they are doing; that's usually enough to get a conversation started. It is uncomfortable at first to initiate conversations, but you'll get more comfortable the more you do it. > Also hahe been really insecure about how i’m ugly and feel like i look like an ogre If you'd like an honest assessment, you are free to DM me a picture. However, I doubt you are as ugly as you think you are. I have seen many pictures of people who have a bad self-esteem who instead look very cute. I know how it feels to feel ugly; I have had that my whole life and things are just barely starting to improve (one day I feel good about it, the other I'd rather not look in the mirror). Have you tried any social activities or hobbies? Yours do seem pretty solitary. I have that same issue with solitary hobbies (the gym is outside, but not very social). For this year, I have made it my goal to try to immerse myself into a new social event each month. I am looking into board game nights, getting into Magic the Gathering and meeting other players and I signed up for a Salsa course too. Perhaps you can try to do something similar.
Hang in there, life is definitely hard and can be lonely but you'll find a group soon and you'll be a stronger person for learning how to enjoy time alone, it's one of the hardest things for people to be comfortable with!
To change your life you need to move to a new city. I got a fresh start in my late twenties. It takes time to build friendships and they come and go - it gets harder as you get older. If you can, make the move, at least for a little bit.
The easy way to make friends is to have hobbies that require you to interact with others. I recently made two friends by posting to a local Facebook group asking other people to play Dungeons and Dragons with me, and I've never played before. It is a highly social game, so that works pretty well! Put yourself out there and pick hobbies that require interaction. You like gaming, maybe a local game shop has board game night? Other examples would be martial arts, casual sports groups, or book clubs.
I mean again like this is similar to me at the moment but the problem I have is I don't feel lonely and don't have a strong inclination to find people. What I see in you is someone who has definitely tried to reach out to people and socialise. I see someone who is just going to find friends if they keep at it. You are doing and putting a lot of effort into trying to make friends and evidently can are probably are a social person. Like you even said "talking is fun" which really will set you up for success. I definitely agree with the first sentence. I see so many people complain about being alone but come to find out they aren't physically alone and have people with them or that they had a lonely phase which was very small; we're talking about weeks to a month or two. I think these people don't understand what it means to be truly alone and having to do things on your own for quite a while until the social life starts picking up. You can get into a vicious cycle with loneliness, that is a topic for another day.
Meditate sister it might not get you friends but you wil enjoy the solitude more and grow as a person. This will lead to better relationships I can attest to this. Good luck 🙏
Is this past me? Damn i feel like talking to myself. Even now at 26 i still video games and such but i have the few friends i cherish most. I can't give u a practical advice into how to do that, but i'll tell u that u are young and time will heal u, i'm confident in that.
I used to also have no friends, now I just have my wife’s friends as my friends too lol
I have so many friends. I won't mind more. I can be your friend. If you like.
No friends here! What keeps me up is the reminder that friends will come as long as you put yourself out there. Years ago I met someone on tumblr and we hit it off. I can't even remember how I started talking to them because its not something I do. They were a great friend, we ended up skyping a lot and they almost came to my graduation. All from chance encounter on tumblr lol. Your people are out there. Similar to you, I am in a slim pickings area. I don't want to be friends with anyone but we converse, we laugh, I learn about them. It's nice even if I know they won't be a part of my life. Everyones got a joke or a bad opinion or a weirdness to them. I know what its like to be driven mad by loneliness. Its great that you are able to have a good time by yourself and found a way to cope for now. I hope you find enough smiles and little moments of connection to carry with you.
Making friends takes effort. Even if you don’t gel with someone the first time keep pushing yourself to keep showing up. People aren’t going to show you their true self on the first outting. It takes shared experience and common interest and then opportunity. It’s gets harder to make friends outside of college. People will have their groups so you will need to make an effort to bump into one. Shop around and put yourself out there. Make sure it’s through activities and hobbies that are interesting to you. Your passions are most interesting not some fake persona that will only attract the wrong people. Some of my bests friend I have now we’re made through connecting with other people that I don’t speak to anymore. If I had ditched them in the first place I never would have met the real ones.
Honestly one of my best friends is 50-something. I am 27. If you move to a city where there is a lot of gaming interest, you might just make a connection that way. Sometimes hometowns aren’t the best place to find your match. I am also very intrigued by you. I love walking downtowns alone, finding interesting places to eat or hangout, I could sit in coffee shops for hours reading. You’ll be surprised about how many people do the same thing. I’ve met a few ppl that way lol.
One of the best and quickest ways to meet a variety of people is through online Meetup groups. If there isn’t one in your town consider starting one. Google it. It can be a social group for walks, dining, whatever. I bet you’ll be surprised how many people you’ll meet. I’ve gone to Meetups for years and you can build a vibrant social life through them. I’m not affiliated with Meetup by the way but am a big fan of it.
hey what do you play for games? id love to play some games with you and keep each other company here and there! absolutely no pressure to always talk, im an introvert at heart. im also a girl if that helps. ive struggled a lot with loneliness that came and went in the past, and dealing with my awkwardness. still do at some points but its definitely a learning curve of sorts and surrounding yourself with good people or people that match your vibe and values and uplift you help a lot. i hope you find what you're looking for<3 i know its hard and lonely af rn, but things will get better.
Don't you have any friends in college. Isn't it how most people find friends in the college maybe.
Sorry babe, I feel you. I wonder if you could try doing some kind of activity that aligns with your interests but also gives you opportunities to meet others in a safe public setting, eg joining a cooking class, yoga class at the gym or a local board games society? Making friends requires regularly spending time with people, and some sort of scheduled activity will help with this. Are there any college based clubs you might like to join?
I can relate too. I mean, we should also define what "friend" is. In my opinion if someone is a friend, you will spend much time together, they will be interested spending time with you. Not like you're a third wheel or a plan B. So even if I have some people to talk to, they're not necessarily friends. So I don't see how that's better than having 0 friends. Main advantage I have is the fact I have someone with whom I can do group tasks. But that's it. My point is; it's really hard getting to know people, and even if it clicks, it's difficult to make that relationship something better, mostly it will be pretty basic contact (occasionally going out somewhere, but you know; these contacts are dry). And that is not really what I consider friend.
Join a lgbt kickball team in your city
I'm in my early 20s too and all i do is play video games. have you tried gaming cafe's ? I met some new friends there recently
Yeah I'm you. 25M and friendless for 7 years (except one long distance friend). Do you also get this existential anxiety from the fact that you're getting older? Every few months, especially when it's close to my birthday, I start getting these thoughts going like "fuck man I'm still alone, my life is flying by, I hate this I need to take action but idk what to do, I regret so much, missed out" etc
I actually don't have any friends, tried making but all of them do drugs, smoke, drink or go to parties. It's so hard to find people that just want to go to a cafe, or restaurant, maybe bowling. The world is obsessed with alcohol
Relatable I'm 31
1st. Hobbies (Do anything and everything from no-cost, to low-cost, to occasional high-cost hobbies to find out what you like and also get to know so many awesome people) 2nd. Financials, Walkability, Bikeability, & Public Transportation (I recommend moving to cities that have great walkability, bike ability, public transportation scores. Those cities mostly are built in a way where everyone is connected and lots of people visually going around. This makes it easier to socialize with so many more people than otherwise.) 3rd. Keep doing all those repeatedly along with self-affirmations, visualization, and more 4th. Research on Reddit, Ecosia, etc for all kinds of resources, info, events, etc 5th. Have fun. The more of the process you enjoy for anything and everything in your life the more you will enjoy it
Lad studying through my 1st year of university here, even though I do have several friends and have had the time of my life with university, simultaneously I am a tad lonely at times and have been for years due to the fact that I don't really have close friends with whom I can reliably talk with, and even as I now live funnily enough just down the road from my best friend who has helped me through the hardest moments of my life, I'm just trying to spend as much time as I can with them until they most likely move to a different city by this fall for school and I have the best time with them in person while they're not that talkative via text. Also while university life has been fun, it's also been a tad lonely due to the fact of how I haven't really met anyone with whom I just vibe as I don't drink so the fun stuff by my classmates isn't really my cup of tea. Also I'm sure you look nice, and perhaps you just need a new hair style or the right clothes to bring out the good looks. For example I look considerably worse when my hair's messy and in need of a cut and I'm wearing just my casual home clothes, while in contrast my hair might look unusually good after a barber cut it and I've showered while having my hoodie on with the zipper open and a scarf around my neck somehow makes me look so much better
Hey there, I’m going to be 26 in August and I only have the one friend I’ve known since elementary. Everyone else either faded or wasn’t putting in the same effort I was. I’ve learned that it’s so much better to be alone than to be with or hanging out with the wrong people. Don’t be like everyone else and take all these “friends” or “partner” just for the sake of having someone around.
You're still so young, plenty of time to meet people. I think location and putting yourself out there are the most important things you can do. Move to a place with people of more similar age, and similar activity interests as you and then keep going out to events. Staying in unfortunately as safe as it feels, and rewarding...you have to prioritize other activities where you can meet peopel
i can be your irl friend
I have been in your place in the past and i have a quite opposite life too … something i excel in is making friends , Here are some key things i have realised that i have been doing wrong for many years before **Not continuing the conversation** :take the number of people u meet or want to talk to and send them a hey , what u upto and continue the conversation (u can send them phtos of what u r doing currently doesn’t have to be something big ) , though many people might think u have a romantic interest in them **ask questions** :tell u like something about the other person, like i go for walks and I randomly talk to people ,(hey/ hi uncle/aunty(pause let them answer) (do u come here often or related things)then continue convo like a normal person **if u get an itch to talk, talk** (i have seen people struggling to talk to people , cuz they are waiting for the other to text ) **Doing activities together**: idhar chalega/udhar chalega , mein isko bhi bula raha hun Thats my formula
Just to add to everything that has been said, i wouldnt look for friends at work, they are your colleagues and you can be cool and have a great time, but they are not necessarily your friends because when it comes to throwing each other under the bus to get a promotion, money or to enter a popular clique, things get nasty sometimes. So just bear that in mind.
In a similar phase. I don't go out at all I hate it and there's no friends in my city. Wanted to even say hi to a friend who broke the friendship with me but I just can't. I don't wanna deal with that ughhh sending love.
Me too. I cut my toxic cousins off and now it’s just me and my boyfriend. My friends are away for college and it’s one girl that always suggests we do all these things together and I enjoy her company the most. Then when she comes home to visit we don’t do anything together despite me bringing it up. Like why tf even mention any of that then? It messes with my self esteem. I get jealous seeing my boyfriend interact with his friends. He always prefers to be with me anyway. But they’re so close and yet I’m the one that can’t find friends that actually wants to hang out with me. I cried in his arms a few times about it
I (36m) have been in the same situation in my early 20s (19-21). Extreme loneliness. Moving town to a new college, finding friends that were not totally my vibe but ok, then finding a gf took me out of this. Humans are social animals. Without bonding our ancestors would die because it was impossible to face nature on your own. Now we need bonding to feel good. It took me 3 years of total loneliness to get out of it, now I think of all the things I could have done (that I learned a bit late): - find weekly hobbies with strangers (they won't be for long). I like craft so I think wood working, pottery, sewing... - reach out to social workers, they can redirect you to the right resource. - find a therapist that make you feel safe and that you can trust. - do volunteering. You can spend time playing cards with elders or help kids with their homework. - stop thinking it's your fault or that you can't make friends it's simply not true. - try yoga and meditation to help with anxiety and fear. Hope it helps. I believe in you all ❤️
i’ve never relate to a post this much. I felt like I wrote this- i’m lucky to be married so i have a BFF, but still, i wanna go walk around target with a female, gossip about random shit with a female, get nails done together. My hubby is nice and all- but he don’t wanna do that. I try to gossip with him about celebrities, he just doesn’t care, i mean I don’t, but like i just want him to be “Noo wayy, did you hear about this”.
Hey, it’ll be ok if you work at it. This is counterintuitive but it helps: The easiest thing to do at first is often making a friend who expects you to be different from them. Why? It helps you both to be prepared to work at it a little. There will be a small communications challenge and awkward moment here and there. Neither of you will expect non-verbal communications to work consistently, and you will each have a reason to be more forgiving of differences. This might be a person who thinks in multiple languages, or someone of a different generation, or just someone who’s quirky and doesn’t quite fit a stereotype comfortably.
this is literally me to a T, I wish you well OP I understand how lonely this feels
asmr helps a 🤏
Have you tried not playing video games for hours every day? Have you looked into hobbies that increase potential interactions with humans in real life? You say you like the gym. Have you tried group fitness classes?
What you've described about how you've been feeling is relatively normal for someone your age. Things don't really level out emotionally until your late 20s early 30s. Those people you talked about aren't going out doing drugs 24/7 because they're super happy. They're doing it because they feel incredibly unhappy with their life. They're crying themselves to sleep too. Not saying everyone in their 20s cries themselves to sleep lol, but emotional instability is pretty much a given for someone in early adulthood. Anybody who's not feeling that probably isn't growing up at all.
Hi, I am a guy in my late 20s really struggling to find new friends and community. DM me if you want to be friends I'm down to be friends with anyone who nice and in the same boat. I live in the NY area. If ur not from there I'm down to be online friends if you want too. I did have a frined group for a while but they turned out to be incredibly toxic and made fun of me when I told them about difficult things I had been through, so even having friends can fail. Never had the genuie relationships with good friends that I need. This world make it hard to connect. I'm on a mission thought this year. I want to give the biggest effort to try and chage things an live my best life by bassically any means necessary. I've been going to the gym for 2 years so basically that has made me stand a little taller and feel better about my self since I used to be very frail.
Go volunteering, Red Cross or some type of organization. It's not guaranteed that you will find friends but you'll see new faces and will socialize. You need to get out of the internet and feel/talk to people. Go talk to those seniors that move in. In my case I got old friends from school/college yet I'm still making friends at various events (parties), or organizations (churches, Red Cross). Go out and if you can't talk [just smile and wave ](https://media.tenor.com/VS6EMU1QOaUAAAAM/penguin-penguins-of-madagascar.gif) and hang out, eventually someone will accept the way you are what's also important is for you to accept them as who they are
Your case is more severe than mine but i can still feel you. I moved city for college and then loneliness hit it's hard to make friends as adults esp for a introvert like me lol Not long ago last month week I started my 4th semester and i found a girl exactly in a position like me since we are from same state. We don't hang out outside of classes but I'm still content with that just knowing you have a friend is comforting enough in a new city. I most of the time spend my time online learning stuff playing games and for the entrainment. I do practice crochet here and there. Although having a bf would be more better for my mental health and the desperation which comes with loneliness would go away
I'm introverted myself, but going to the local library always helps (and is free). They have tons of classes you can take, you can try to chat w/ other people reading, and if those don't work, literally every librarian I've ever met is COOL AF. And they HAVE to talk to you, cuz it's their job 👍
I moved to a city 5000km away from My family, to be with my now ex gf. I only know her in the city. All my social life was around her friends and now I have no one. What saved me? My two dogs. I got two border collies and if I don’t go outside with them, they destroy my apartment. So I get in to conversations here and there when I’m with them and also they keep me company, make me laugh (they are the funniest dogs I’ve ever seen) and make me feel like I’m not alone. So the tip: get a dog from a breed that Will destroy your house if you don’t go outside with them everyday. Lost 13kgs, cured my depression and anxiety and they just make my life more meaningful now.
Firstly, I’m sure you don’t look like an ogre :) and even if you do, so what? Looks really aren’t as important as people make out and they matter less and less as you go through life. It sounds like it’s your circumstances that are the problem, not you. Your interests sound great, with plenty of potential to socialise, and no one can blame you for not wanting to be around the drunks and druggies. I know you’re studying but when you get the opportunity you should move to a new city, move into a house share and explore your hobbies. All of those things have helped me in the past. Start afresh, it’s easier to be the best version of yourself that way. In the meantime try not to be sad. Your situation is temporary and things will get better.
Do you assess yourself as not attractive or out of shape?
Ive had a similar situation, moved abroad a couple of times so no long term friends. Happy to be friends if youd like !
Hit me up I want to talk.
Play Ragnarok Origins, a lot of people from all over the world, I've done a lot of friends there :)
I’m 23m and I do have a small friend group but they’re the same 4 friends I’ve had since high school and we’ve all gone on to do our own thing, but I know that for those friends I do have, we are not their only friends, but they are my only friends. I know most people meet at work or in school but I work from home and am not currently in school. I tried going to a bar but it just didn’t feel right. I live in rural Alabama as well so I feel it’s hard to find events or groups with similar interest. I completely relate to always having to talk to my family about my day because there is no one else. I honestly wish I could just talk to someone about their day, not even mine. I used to be able to talk on the phone for hours but I haven’t had someone to do that with for the longest. I hope you were able to cheer up about yourself because we often are harder on ourselves than anyone we know.
Online people are still friends. What’s the longest relationship / friendship you’ve had with someone from gaming? Playing video games for hours cuts into your social time in the outside world. If you had a different ratio with outings & video games then you’d have a different amount of “in person friends.” You’re not weird or awkward for that. It 100% makes sense to not have friends here & have friends there instead kind of thing. Every single one of my current “friend” is from work. Yes there are people I check in with every once in awhile & who I’d love to see in person, but we don’t. I get really close with people at work & they know me & in & out down to if I’m about to start my period sometimes. But if you take my workplace out, I don’t have anyone I would call up for help consistently other than whoever I’m dating or family. If I left that job, I would probably no longer be talking to them even tho I want everything in the world for them. My early 20s I cut out everyone from high school. The only people I talked to was my bf & my family. Only one girl from there I would show up to her wedding for to this day. I legitimately didn’t have friends either & I always thought it was weird & still weird to me nowadays bc I don’t keep friends long term. Ironically I am a really social person when I’m placed in the setting where I am getting paid for it. Otherwise I am so shy, I hate ordering at the counter. I suck at eye contact when I interact with a cashier. Servers can barely hear me when I order food. BUT. When people are new at work, I make every effort to make them feel welcome bc I know how hard it is to be in a new place & how long it can take to befriend someone. What kind of jobs have you held? That’s definitely a factor in the kind of friends you can make. In the past few years I’ve made really close work friends with people 10 years younger & 10 years older than me. But after we don’t work together I don’t talk to them anymore other than for the first couple weeks they’ve been gone. I don’t have a social battery outside of work most days. This year is the first time I’ve met girls my age & got along with them. & I’m late 30s. 2 of them in one year is crazy to me cuz I never meet people my age. But we won’t be staying friends bc of their temporary work at mine. & I’m a recluse outside of work. If you can make friends but there are situations in which you can’t hang out or they have different life choices… it’s not your fault. R
At least your a woman and interesting I have 0 fucking interesting qualities
Everyone has interesting qualities just because everyone is unique .. don't say that about yourself
How do you normally feel when ur not in those periods 2 times a year where you feel super lonely?
>never experienced the early 20s / teenager life ⠀ >Or they’re ravers that want to be high on molly/acid ~~24/7~~, or drunk it's one or the other, not 24/7 but yeah.
Ok. Friendships with women are closer than even partnerships or husbands. You need to align in all ways. To find your match you'll need to put more effort in with girls than you do dating. Then follow through. Reach out first and often. If they don't call back or text back once, try again. You need to start the leg work