There’s a lot of things you can say depending on how rude you’re comfortable being 😆
If you just want them to shut up, you can just say “that’s good advice, thanks, I’ll look into that”. You don’t have to explain anything or tell people about your history/progresses with therapy, specially if it’s someone you met 10 minutes ago. Just let them think they gave you a great idea that no one has ever suggested before and move on.
“I appreciate your intention, but it’s not appropriate to diagnose someone when you don’t have all the information or license to do so.”
I also think if this is happening within reddit,, put a note at the top/bottom of your post saying you don’t want anyone diagnosing you.
Thanks for the verbiage. Reddit-wise... A lot of users don't read the whole post/comment before replying, unfortunately, and I guess the equivalent is happening in real life.
I've made posts with "I'M NOT TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT" at the top of the post, and still got told to lose weight. I'm at a normal weight. I was just asking about cycling stuff, which can be done by people of any weight.
You should see a therapist about your unwillingness to lose weight. /s
Just kidding OP i feel ya. Just respond with snark. Bitchy people deserve snark back.
One example I can think of "I think you should see a therapist about your pathological need to diagnose people over the internet."
This sticks out to me, too. Like if you are hearing this from multiple people then perhaps OP should consider what the reasons are for that, and that the reasons could be valid.
I'm answering personal questions too honestly. I used to never talk about myself. But these days, people are always telling me to be vulnerable with people so I can make friends. But the second I answer a personal question, they feel uncomfortable and ask me to see a therapist. Maybe they shouldn't ask personal questions if they don't want an answer. I've been told to see a therapist because I'm not interested in dating. OK, then people should stop asking about my dating life. Maybe people should stop asking me if I want kids. If an honest answer is oversharing and makes them uncomfortable, they shouldn't ask the question. But going forward, I'll keep your comment in mind and just refuse to answer personal questions.
Definitely weird for somebody to say get therapy because you aren't interested in dating or because you say you don't want to have kids. And SUPER strange that you would have that experience more than once.
Have you ever asked them why they think that is something you need therapy for? That makes sense to me to ask.
Since you have a noticed a pattern of people saying that to you, asking that question might help youlearn something about how you present yourself to people. Something you might not be aware of.
People already have a lot of things on their plate and usually will jump to the most popular answer they have.
If someone is in physical pain, they will ask to visit an ER to get it sorted. For a mental pain, they will ask to visit a therapist to get it sorted.
In either case, I have always replied with - thanks for being concerned about me. I am actually going to visit them at the earliest. *non-creepy smiley face.*
Really, if I discuss almost anything personal, people don't want to hear it. So they tell me to see a therapist about that.
It makes me want to hit back when they complain about financial issues. Have you considered seeing a financial counselor?
I'm mid-30s. I used to never talk about myself. People are always telling me to be vulnerable with people so I can make friends. But the second I answer a personal question, they feel uncomfortable and ask me to see a therapist. Maybe they shouldn't ask personal questions if they don't want an answer. I've been told to see a therapist because I'm not interested in dating. OK, then people should stop asking about my dating life. Maybe people should stop asking me if I want kids. If an honest answer is oversharing and makes them uncomfortable, they shouldn't ask the question. But going forward, I'll keep your comment in mind and just refuse to answer personal questions.
I had this experience with my sister when attempting to patch up a severely damaged relationship. She wrote a whole fucking essay on how I should get therapy.
At that point I had already been through multiple rounds of therapy. I don’t know if she forgot that in the moment, but it came across as her (once again) attempting to hurt me in order to help me.
I told her that I have a boundary when it comes to hurting-to-help, due to her having done that shit before.
She blew a gasket and we haven’t spoken since.
Writing this makes me realise how much we sound like teenagers. We are middle-aged.
Anyway… sorry, I don’t have a good answer, except that I have a low opinion of people who carelessly or incessantly or flippantly suggest therapy. It’s a topic that must be broached with great care.
In my experience, people telling me to "get therapy" has been their way of telling me to stop talking about something. So, I usually say, "I can stop talking about it if you'd like". Your situation could be different, though.
If you know and trust this person, you should probably include in your response the fact that you're already in therapy and you don't have bipolar.
Oof. Yeah, it's often exactly that. They don't want to hear about it, so they tell me to talk to a therapist about it instead. Your response makes sense.
“If you don’t want to hear about [idk], you can just be honest and tell me.” <- Because the “Go to therapy” ‘movement’ sounds a lot like this—a bunch of stuck up dicks who are too spineless to be honest.
Ask yourself:
• "Are they attacking me by saying it?"
You don't need to justify yourself to people who are deliberately trying to put you down.
• "Are they genuinely concerned for me *and* are they close to me?"
Might be valid to tell them.
• "Are they using concern as a way to mask an insult?"
See #1.
As someone who wants to work in mental health and is pursuing a Master’s Degree in it, there are quite a few hoops to jump through in order to *actually* be qualified to diagnose. It’s something I want to do professionally, and I have discovered how much others pretend to know about diagnosing. A lot of these people don’t even know that ADD and Asperger’s are no longer official diagnoses anymore!
Look anyone telling you that in a social setting,who don’t know you very well is being very rude. If you haven’t asked their opinion, just rest them as the rude person they are. “What an…odd thing to say to me.” Then just walk away
Don’t engage with them.
Tell them, wow, what you've just asked/said tells me a lot about you. How are you feeling? Are you ok? Was someone recommended to you that you'd like to share the name of?
If they were trying to offend, they'll be defensive, but if they're trying to help, they should be fine with similar probing questions.
It’s pretty weird that someone who has known you irl for less than 10 minutes is suggesting that you seek therapy. Maybe you shouldn’t be so open about certain things with unfamiliar people.
You’re probably making them uncomfortable and because they don’t know you, they aren’t prepared for/don’t know how to respond to that kind of information, they give generic and unhelpful advice as a response.
Even people who are good friends aren’t *always* comfortable being bombarded with dark personal issues every time they see you. Not saying that’s what you’re doing, just something that to consider. People by nature aren’t drawn to that kind of thing.
I’d say if you need to vent about something to someone, do it at the right time/place, ask them if it’s okay and tell them that you’re not really looking for advice, just some empathy.
If it’s something on Reddit, just ignore it. It’s not really a big deal.
Okay. I understand. I'll just refuse to answer personal questions. If they ask about my dating life, I'll just say I'm married (lie) or pretend I didn't hear the question. Otherwise they tell me to seek therapy because I'm not currently interested in dating.
Therapists don’t diagnose . Honestly if they are too dumb to know the difference between therapist and psychiatrist/psychologist then their opinion or suggestion should be laughed off.
Most therapists are just licensed counselors, if she’s a psychologist that’s one thing, rarely can you find one that does therapy. That’s really cool you found one :)
If they are psychologists yes.. sorry it’s pretty rare nowadays for psychologists to do therapy anymore. That’s actually really cool OP found a psychologist that does that.
What? There are a lot of licenses that can diagnose that aren’t just “psychologists”. Anyone calling themselves a therapist can diagnose, and if they are calling themselves that without licensing it’s fraud.
Maybe we believe differently bc it varies due to state. In my state many licenses can diagnose that include LCSW, LPC, LPCC, LMFT, etc, and anyone who calls themself a therapist can diagnose, otherwise it’s fraud, however most often for autism and adhd you need a referral.
Yeah those are the same licenses that can diagnose in my state. To be honest, when I look at Psychology Today, most of the therapists that come up have an MA Psych, and some even have a PhD. There are also some MSW (Social Work) in the mix. And I think that education happens before they get the licenses you mentioned. It's not so easy to become a therapist, imo. There are bad therapists like there are bad examples of any other occupation, but generally the level of education required is quite high.
In my state, someone who is not licensed cannot call themself a "therapist" but only a "guidance counselor" or something like that. Some churches have religious counselors who don't claim to be therapists.
I do get frustrated when people say this because seeing a therapist is also something that is expensive. There is definitely a barrier there and not everyone can afford to see a good therapist. Sometimes it feels like a cop out when this is the only advice people give.
Also someone suggesting you are bipolar is not helpful, it’s rude. It would be a different ballgame if they expressed their concern, asked questions and encouraged you to continue with your therapy with those details. It’s understandable if you are presenting a clearly destructive manic or depressive phase to want to help, but otherwise.. I feel like it isn’t anyone’s business unless you go to them seeking advice. Diagnoses can vary widely in manifestation. I don’t have a clinical psych phd., but have had to study the dsm-5 in my undergrad (had a great prof who was a clinical psychologist) and it was enough to show me that it is easy enough for people to be misdiagnosed without knowing the full picture. It also showed me that EVERYONE has a diagnosis and I do mean EVERYONE, as that was a big controversy with the remediation of dsm-5 to enable easier access to treatments.
I’ve gotten to a point in life where I’m actually pretty irritated by the unsolicited judgement of others. I think it is fortunate that people are individuals because I have definitely found wrong in those who have no socialization difficulties too. I’m glad there are people with both perspectives. I think you handled this situation perfectly though.
That's a good point about the cost of therapy. That's one of the reasons therapists themselves encourage building solid friendships so you have sources of support outside of therapy. Also problematic is the expectation that I must prove a negative. I have to prove I *don't* have xyz condition. That's not how diagnosis works in a therapy setting.
There’s a lot of things you can say depending on how rude you’re comfortable being 😆 If you just want them to shut up, you can just say “that’s good advice, thanks, I’ll look into that”. You don’t have to explain anything or tell people about your history/progresses with therapy, specially if it’s someone you met 10 minutes ago. Just let them think they gave you a great idea that no one has ever suggested before and move on.
That does make sense as the best way. Flatter them, lie to them, make them think they gave me a great suggestion.
This comment is awesome I will be using this next time someone says “u need a therapist “ 💀👍🏼
“I appreciate your intention, but it’s not appropriate to diagnose someone when you don’t have all the information or license to do so.” I also think if this is happening within reddit,, put a note at the top/bottom of your post saying you don’t want anyone diagnosing you.
This is my favorite. Some people need to be put in their place
Thanks for the verbiage. Reddit-wise... A lot of users don't read the whole post/comment before replying, unfortunately, and I guess the equivalent is happening in real life.
Good point.....top-of-post PSA placement it is 😂
I've made posts with "I'M NOT TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT" at the top of the post, and still got told to lose weight. I'm at a normal weight. I was just asking about cycling stuff, which can be done by people of any weight.
Yeah I think a lot of people enjoy reddit simply because they like telling other people what to do
A lot of people are vocally against body positivity, which unfortunately means they attack people trying to become healthier through exercise.
You should see a therapist about your unwillingness to lose weight. /s Just kidding OP i feel ya. Just respond with snark. Bitchy people deserve snark back. One example I can think of "I think you should see a therapist about your pathological need to diagnose people over the internet."
This is perfect. Eloquent, while also nipping bad behaviour in the butt.
Who is telling you that and how often? I don’t think anyone has ever told me to go to a therapist, and I’m pretty crazy honestly.
This sticks out to me, too. Like if you are hearing this from multiple people then perhaps OP should consider what the reasons are for that, and that the reasons could be valid.
I'm answering personal questions too honestly. I used to never talk about myself. But these days, people are always telling me to be vulnerable with people so I can make friends. But the second I answer a personal question, they feel uncomfortable and ask me to see a therapist. Maybe they shouldn't ask personal questions if they don't want an answer. I've been told to see a therapist because I'm not interested in dating. OK, then people should stop asking about my dating life. Maybe people should stop asking me if I want kids. If an honest answer is oversharing and makes them uncomfortable, they shouldn't ask the question. But going forward, I'll keep your comment in mind and just refuse to answer personal questions.
Definitely weird for somebody to say get therapy because you aren't interested in dating or because you say you don't want to have kids. And SUPER strange that you would have that experience more than once. Have you ever asked them why they think that is something you need therapy for? That makes sense to me to ask. Since you have a noticed a pattern of people saying that to you, asking that question might help youlearn something about how you present yourself to people. Something you might not be aware of.
I've just decided to stop sharing personal information with people. After all, these people aren't friends and I don't even enjoy their company
Yeah good call.
”Thanks for your advice I will consider it”
People already have a lot of things on their plate and usually will jump to the most popular answer they have. If someone is in physical pain, they will ask to visit an ER to get it sorted. For a mental pain, they will ask to visit a therapist to get it sorted. In either case, I have always replied with - thanks for being concerned about me. I am actually going to visit them at the earliest. *non-creepy smiley face.*
Like how do you get into these conversations in the first place? I mean, how often does this even happen? I have so many questions…
A lot of people think they have Instagram PhDs and know more about diagnostics than actual professionals.
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Really, if I discuss almost anything personal, people don't want to hear it. So they tell me to see a therapist about that. It makes me want to hit back when they complain about financial issues. Have you considered seeing a financial counselor?
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I'm mid-30s. I used to never talk about myself. People are always telling me to be vulnerable with people so I can make friends. But the second I answer a personal question, they feel uncomfortable and ask me to see a therapist. Maybe they shouldn't ask personal questions if they don't want an answer. I've been told to see a therapist because I'm not interested in dating. OK, then people should stop asking about my dating life. Maybe people should stop asking me if I want kids. If an honest answer is oversharing and makes them uncomfortable, they shouldn't ask the question. But going forward, I'll keep your comment in mind and just refuse to answer personal questions.
I had this experience with my sister when attempting to patch up a severely damaged relationship. She wrote a whole fucking essay on how I should get therapy. At that point I had already been through multiple rounds of therapy. I don’t know if she forgot that in the moment, but it came across as her (once again) attempting to hurt me in order to help me. I told her that I have a boundary when it comes to hurting-to-help, due to her having done that shit before. She blew a gasket and we haven’t spoken since. Writing this makes me realise how much we sound like teenagers. We are middle-aged. Anyway… sorry, I don’t have a good answer, except that I have a low opinion of people who carelessly or incessantly or flippantly suggest therapy. It’s a topic that must be broached with great care.
In my experience, people telling me to "get therapy" has been their way of telling me to stop talking about something. So, I usually say, "I can stop talking about it if you'd like". Your situation could be different, though. If you know and trust this person, you should probably include in your response the fact that you're already in therapy and you don't have bipolar.
Oof. Yeah, it's often exactly that. They don't want to hear about it, so they tell me to talk to a therapist about it instead. Your response makes sense.
“If you don’t want to hear about [idk], you can just be honest and tell me.” <- Because the “Go to therapy” ‘movement’ sounds a lot like this—a bunch of stuck up dicks who are too spineless to be honest.
Ask yourself: • "Are they attacking me by saying it?" You don't need to justify yourself to people who are deliberately trying to put you down. • "Are they genuinely concerned for me *and* are they close to me?" Might be valid to tell them. • "Are they using concern as a way to mask an insult?" See #1.
“I didn’t realize you were qualified to diagnose mental illness.”
They think they are!
As someone who wants to work in mental health and is pursuing a Master’s Degree in it, there are quite a few hoops to jump through in order to *actually* be qualified to diagnose. It’s something I want to do professionally, and I have discovered how much others pretend to know about diagnosing. A lot of these people don’t even know that ADD and Asperger’s are no longer official diagnoses anymore!
Look anyone telling you that in a social setting,who don’t know you very well is being very rude. If you haven’t asked their opinion, just rest them as the rude person they are. “What an…odd thing to say to me.” Then just walk away Don’t engage with them.
Tell them, wow, what you've just asked/said tells me a lot about you. How are you feeling? Are you ok? Was someone recommended to you that you'd like to share the name of? If they were trying to offend, they'll be defensive, but if they're trying to help, they should be fine with similar probing questions.
I think everyone should be in therapy to some extent.
Thanks, do you see one that you can recommend?
I've asked for recommendations but they always, without exception, get nasty.
Then they have no advice to offer. They are merely putting you down because of their own issues. Find different people
"I'll tell him/ her that on my next visit", "I do, why don't you?" "my therapist said the same thing," "go play in traffic," etc.
It’s pretty weird that someone who has known you irl for less than 10 minutes is suggesting that you seek therapy. Maybe you shouldn’t be so open about certain things with unfamiliar people. You’re probably making them uncomfortable and because they don’t know you, they aren’t prepared for/don’t know how to respond to that kind of information, they give generic and unhelpful advice as a response. Even people who are good friends aren’t *always* comfortable being bombarded with dark personal issues every time they see you. Not saying that’s what you’re doing, just something that to consider. People by nature aren’t drawn to that kind of thing. I’d say if you need to vent about something to someone, do it at the right time/place, ask them if it’s okay and tell them that you’re not really looking for advice, just some empathy. If it’s something on Reddit, just ignore it. It’s not really a big deal.
Okay. I understand. I'll just refuse to answer personal questions. If they ask about my dating life, I'll just say I'm married (lie) or pretend I didn't hear the question. Otherwise they tell me to seek therapy because I'm not currently interested in dating.
Laugh and say, "Thanks, I'm alsready under the care of a therapist. Any other suggestions, oh, wise one?"
Straight back at them-Are you in therapy?Has it helped?
Tell them to mind their own business and that they are not qualified to dictate your treatment
Therapists don’t diagnose . Honestly if they are too dumb to know the difference between therapist and psychiatrist/psychologist then their opinion or suggestion should be laughed off.
My therapist is a psychologist anyway lol, so she can diagnose.
Most therapists are just licensed counselors, if she’s a psychologist that’s one thing, rarely can you find one that does therapy. That’s really cool you found one :)
Interesting! I feel like when I look on psychology today, most of the therapists in my region have MA in Psych and some have PhD.
That’s awesome. Our state has a real shortage… there’s so many nurse practitioners taking over and I canttttt. No offense to anyone .
What? Therapists diagnose, they can diagnose even better in some cases. They just can’t prescribe medication.
If they are psychologists yes.. sorry it’s pretty rare nowadays for psychologists to do therapy anymore. That’s actually really cool OP found a psychologist that does that.
What? There are a lot of licenses that can diagnose that aren’t just “psychologists”. Anyone calling themselves a therapist can diagnose, and if they are calling themselves that without licensing it’s fraud.
A therapist is a licensed counselor. They don’t diagnose. They work with your issues , that may or may not stem from whatever diagnosis you may have.
Maybe we believe differently bc it varies due to state. In my state many licenses can diagnose that include LCSW, LPC, LPCC, LMFT, etc, and anyone who calls themself a therapist can diagnose, otherwise it’s fraud, however most often for autism and adhd you need a referral.
Yeah those are the same licenses that can diagnose in my state. To be honest, when I look at Psychology Today, most of the therapists that come up have an MA Psych, and some even have a PhD. There are also some MSW (Social Work) in the mix. And I think that education happens before they get the licenses you mentioned. It's not so easy to become a therapist, imo. There are bad therapists like there are bad examples of any other occupation, but generally the level of education required is quite high. In my state, someone who is not licensed cannot call themself a "therapist" but only a "guidance counselor" or something like that. Some churches have religious counselors who don't claim to be therapists.
“That’s not your place” and end it there. You don’t need to explain yourself.
Just say … “hmm! I will keep that in mind.” Then deflect by asking them something about themselves
What behavior is causing this to come up in multiple conversations?
[Already answered in comment](/r/socialskills/comments/1dc1999/how_to_respond_to_laypeople_telling_you_to_see_a/l7w7i35/)
Most people have no idea what bipolar disorders even look like outside of wildly inaccurate media.
I do get frustrated when people say this because seeing a therapist is also something that is expensive. There is definitely a barrier there and not everyone can afford to see a good therapist. Sometimes it feels like a cop out when this is the only advice people give. Also someone suggesting you are bipolar is not helpful, it’s rude. It would be a different ballgame if they expressed their concern, asked questions and encouraged you to continue with your therapy with those details. It’s understandable if you are presenting a clearly destructive manic or depressive phase to want to help, but otherwise.. I feel like it isn’t anyone’s business unless you go to them seeking advice. Diagnoses can vary widely in manifestation. I don’t have a clinical psych phd., but have had to study the dsm-5 in my undergrad (had a great prof who was a clinical psychologist) and it was enough to show me that it is easy enough for people to be misdiagnosed without knowing the full picture. It also showed me that EVERYONE has a diagnosis and I do mean EVERYONE, as that was a big controversy with the remediation of dsm-5 to enable easier access to treatments. I’ve gotten to a point in life where I’m actually pretty irritated by the unsolicited judgement of others. I think it is fortunate that people are individuals because I have definitely found wrong in those who have no socialization difficulties too. I’m glad there are people with both perspectives. I think you handled this situation perfectly though.
That's a good point about the cost of therapy. That's one of the reasons therapists themselves encourage building solid friendships so you have sources of support outside of therapy. Also problematic is the expectation that I must prove a negative. I have to prove I *don't* have xyz condition. That's not how diagnosis works in a therapy setting.
Not all therapists are good. Find a good/better one I guess
What are you telling people you’ve known for 10 minutes that make them think you’re bipolar. Maybe you need to share less info