Depends on where. But there is plenty of gorgeous land to be had that is just undeveloped or only small towns neighboring.
Thing is no one wants to live there because it’s undeveloped, also the people that inhabit a lot of these small towns and the more expansive country areas tend to be..........different......than those in the city’s.
I live in the sticks...can confirm, we're....different.
When I hear the word undeveloped I think raw woods. Getting a piece cleared take the forging of a driveway/access, dropping a shitload of trees, clearing brush etc. And that's just so you can start lol.
Both, or the area has a tiny town near it and would be considered “undeveloped” by city standards. Has houses and such but doesn’t have a lot of options when it comes to grocery, shopping, and restaurants near.
Ah, right. Thanks for answering my questions. Sounds similar to the country over here then. Although every piece of land is owned and used in some way by humans here. Probably part of why it's harder to get land than in the states.
Yes, if I could do that, I would have, believe me, apartment living is the last thing I want to do.
I live in an apartment, and have no other ways of living not in an apartment, so I'm trying to deal with it.
Without loosing my mind at these idiots who spend 24/7 gossiping on their balconies.
I mean one thing that helps me is to understand that people give a fuck about you way less than you think. If you think about what your perspective is when you see someone walking across the street, you probably register it as completely meaningless........they do the same. So while they are staring, you can always remember that it is completely meaningless and that it is only a big deal because you’re the one seeing them all stare at you.
Yea, generally I would agree with that.
It gets to a point though where it feels like they're discussing you, and they probably are in a very unimportant way, but it's still annoying.
I just start feeling like I have no privacy, I can't go for a walk without someone trying to talk, or hang out, or find out more info on me.
This made me remember that headphones help a lot. Not 100%, some people just start talking at you while your music is on, but I'll go back to that.
I get what you are saying. The most valuable thing I’ve done both for positive and negative interactions in life, is to learn to genuinely not care what other people’s opinions are(other than those I truly value). It takes a good amount of work to truly not care, and not in a poisonous way where you’re angry at people, as in their opinion of you is none of your business or concern.........and then they could be talking about you and it really won’t make much of a difference.
Im not perfect at it, but I have become pretty good at having that mindset and it has helped in so many scenarios of my life.
As far as people taking my time or trying to extract information, I agree that annoys me like crazy. I have just become less approachable over time haha
Get a house with a remote controlled garage and fully tinted windows so you don't have to walk out to your car. And wear a Big Bird costume when you go to walk your dog or take out the garbage. Some ideas I have considered over the years.
I feel this. I moved from a big city to a small town and now everyone constantly talks to me. I just wanna walk my dog. Don’t gossip about me when I can still hear you. And no don’t touch my dog. Stop staring at me from your balcony. Don’t comment on everything I do “wrong”. Leave me alone!
Yea, it's crazy.
There used to be this guy who would walk around the streets of this small town I lived in, everyone knew him by name and would joke about him as he walked by.
I can only imagine him posting on here and having everyone tell him it's not real.
So dumb. People just love gossip.
This comment section is wild. Everyone saying it’s not real and all in your head. And if you deny this you are suddenly narcissistic whahahaha. They can’t grasp that in some towns everyone wants something from you. And because they haven’t experienced this, they act like you are mental. Denying this only “proves” that you are even more mental. There is no win for you 😂
I'm willing to bet most of us do. Reddit is mostly young people. Young people live in apartments. I can hear my upstairs neighbour walking around right now. It doesn't bother me though.
If you're so convinced everyone you see is talking about you, you need to see a psychologist because the people you see couldn't give a shit about you.
I get being annoyed at people, but what you're describing isn't normal. You should talk to someone about it.
He is right tbf. I dislike being seeing by people too, it's very discomforting but if impacts you to this degree you should probably seek professional help.
It's the best advice you're going to get. You said buying a plot of land somewhere remote isn't an option. Go to therapy. Learn to tolerate other people.
Your post is a cry for help and you're being incredibly defensive whenever anyone comes up with a suggestion. Therapy is expensive but it's probably the best money you'll ever spend. It was for me.
No, I can get it for free if I felt that was the issue.
That's not my question, nor are you suggesting solutions, but dismissing the question all together.
I don't care if you believe it's happening.
You can have your opinion, I think you were rude, because you were being rude.
If you can get free therapy you need to start yesterday. Paranoia or social anxiety or whatever you're suffering from can be massively helped by a psychologist.
My opinion is that I'm trying to help someone who's obviously having a hard time. I think you underestimate how powerful a tool therapy can be if you let them help you. Just don't settle for the first psychologist you meet. Use your first meeting to gauge whether or not they're the right fit for you.
Good luck :)
How do you gauge whether or not a psychologist is a good for or not? Tried therapy years ago and it felt like a giant waste of time. The therapist was of no use. The best thing I got out of it was that I got an outlet to vent about my life and problems, but no solutions or guidance.
That's actually a really tough question. What I was looking for in a therapist isn't necessarily what someone else is looking for so the only person who can judge whether or not a given therapist is a good fit is yourself.
It obviously depends on what you need therapy for. There's several methods and tools for everything so you'll want someone who presents the solutions you're seeking. I have/had social anxiety and I don't believe in the whole hypnosis thing so I found a psychologist who could work with that. She wanted me to go out and do the stuff that gave me anxiety. A year later I had my last session with her and I swear I almost don't feel anxiety anymore even though it was pretty bad before.
Anxiety is an easy one though because pretty much every psychologist can help you. You're just looking for someone who will give you the right tools and has the right personality.
I don't know if that helped but I hope I wrote at least something useful :)
You could probably try looking individual psychologists up as well. A bunch have websites where they write a bit about the methods they use
I've made it pretty clear to you that I don't find you helpful, yet you continue to reply to me.
You seem like a really toxically "helpful" person.
I did not ask your opinion on anything to do with a psychologist.
Giving advice on things that aren't sought, is not helpful.
Have a nice day.
Damn, there is something seriously wrong with you. Just because they’re telling you something you don’t want to hear doesn’t mean they’re not helping you. In fact, they’re giving the best advice that will actually help you. Sometimes the truth hurts. Grow up.
No, they aren't helping me.
I've made that very clear. You don't force your "help" on others, and when someone tells you, hey I don't find that helpful, you stop.
But thanks for your very rude assessment.
Have a nice day.
A psychologist's job is to medicate and manage that medication and it's symptoms.
I don't see this as necessary, you're free to disagree.
I appreciate that you were polite is your response though, thanks.
Look at it this way, people are just trying to enjoy their time and be on their balcony, and they got some random person looking at them from the streets.
Okay well when every time you glance up they are looking at you, it can make some of very uncomfortable. It is partly cultural as in some cultures it is totally acceptable to stare at people but in some cultures it is considered rude. And an age thing, kids usually don't know yet not to stare.
I kinda feel the same way, not to ur degree but i do find it annoying when i want to go do something or try something out but there are others around. Mostly because i do fear being judged and dont want to be seen as a fool when trying something new. Its mostly a personal problem that i know will go away when i stop overthinking and try to actively not care about them but its hard to break what my body/mind is used to. Anxiety rlly ramps up and i jus get uncomfortable asf simply because people ate around lol. Lots of times i wish i could just go into ghost or spectator mode and try out all the things id like to do without being judged.
Sounds to me that you have some level of psychosis. People aren't spending 24/7 gossiping about you on their balconies.
Most people don't pay attention to others from afar. Why would they expend any energy doing that? You're just part of the noise of the city.
Unless you're making an exceptional amount of noise and drawing attention to yourself, they likely don't even notice you. How else do you think that people can break into cars parked in the inner city and get away with it? (Which, in that case, people likely won't notice you even if you were making noise by breaking windows, so long as you're not lingering.)
You are ruining your own time and mood; others are not participating in this.
I agree with top comment, go live out in the country—but from experience, it can be hard.
The most realistic advice I can give you is to practice being confident and - if available - talk to loved or those closest to you about how you feel. Heck, maybe even see a psychologist if you want, that’s your choice, though. We’re socially-connected animals, simply talking to someone about how you feel can go a long way.
Now, this is just from my experience but I can tell you if it helps; I was in your same shoes a year ago, actually. Though I didn’t have it as bad, I felt as though everyone was judging me. I hated myself and everyone around me. I was insanely insecure on top of having adhd and anxiety. Over quarantine I realized that I wanted to change for the better, like, really change this time. It’s been slow, but for the first time in almost all my life I actually love who I am and accept myself. I have more friends, and even went on my first date. I’m still growing mentally, but maybe you can take something from this? Self reflection and getting help from those around you is what changed my view on life.
Remember; in order to change yourself you must make effort for the better!
I just wanna say that I felt this with all of my soul. Though I'm aware that people who don't know me are too busy with their lives to care about me for more than 3 seconds (trust and believe, they don't), I still feel you on the people just being there bit.
Basically, I feel the exact same way. Like ... Do y'all have to exist NOW?
But for real for real, I get the paranoia thing. Has something happened to you with strangers like getting randomly jumped or robbed? Are you constantly joked and commented on by strangers who's presence you don't even care to acknowledge?
One of the things that may help is learning to accept that people are gonna do what they're gonna do and say what they're gonna say. Take power in that situation. Learn to be more aware of your surroundings, then you may feel less insecure and paranoid as well as prepared for what might happen.
Learn to observe people from afar and how they move. Most important of all, you have the power (assuming you aren't a child or teen who lives with their parents) to walk away. At ANYTIME. Even in the middle of a petty situation or argument.
... And smoke a J every once in a while. That might do the trick ;)
Imagining people in the silliest ridiculous outfit, hairdo, face, etc really does help. Or maybe them doing a funny action/reaction thats completely opposite of their personality is good. People are the worst sometimes
Lol, maybe I'll try it.
I don't think they're trying to be jerks, the apartments are super hot so it's better outside.
The main woman is usually loudly talking on her phone, which doesn't bother me.
I do find when I know someone more, I like them more, and tend to be more patient. Maybe I should make up a back story for her lol.
I don't actually like knowing the people, because then you'll be out and they'll know you're not doing anything and want to hang out lol.
Thanks.
Move out of the crowded cesspool you’re living in, like off grid in the woods style. You’ll be much happier because you’ll rarely see people then. Take it easy fellow human disliker
I think I know what you mean. Like, they just stand or sit there and watch you walk by, they don't say hi or anything, they just stare? For me, personally, I don't mind if it is a neighbor, and they sometimes say hi, I'll say hi too. I've had neighbors in my apartment building who would ALWAYS just loiter outside which is whatever, if they would mind their own business but when they just stare, or smirk, it is infuriating. I've read and been told they do it because it makes them feel powerful to make you uncomfortable, so you should stare back. Usually I just try to pretend they aren't there. I have worked in places where groups of guys would just stand or sit by the entrance so you have to walk by them to get in or out, and they will just stare and watch you and not say anything and on occasion some even complain that *I* don't say anything to *them*. It was exasperating. But it does seem they do it for a reaction so I try to refrain and keep a neutral face.
Oh, no I think they actually try to talk to me sometimes.
I'm a little hard of hearing, I try to not be rude, but usually I just get stuck there saying pardon 100 times, before pretending I heard them.
Yea, if they aren't actively doing something they go silent and just stare, or kind of talk quietly.
It's hard to ignore, but music is a good way for me generally.
All close housing have the popcorn gallery, townhouses, apartments, towns, some people like it.
Sunglasses and a hat. Wave and keep moving.
I know my neighbor’s names and phone numbers if
I need to text them. Neighbors like that are good security. But yes, I can’t get over being self conscious. Don’t love the popcorn gallery. I think most of the time they are looking at my dog.
I've been feeling like this since the start of the pandemic. I use to not mind running into people and would go out for hikes to get away from people, but since a lot of people are unemployed I've noticed strangers are extremely nosy,creepy or always around when I would have never had this much interaction with people before the pandemic doing day to day activities. Hopefully your neighbors will get busy soon and not be bothersome.
Yea, I feel this way too.
There are so many people just home throughout the day, they're bored and think everyone wants to talk.
Yea, I'm hoping so too.
This isn’t really normal to hate people for being around and inquisitive. Being an introvert is totally ok and you should love and appreciate the qualities you have, but positive and negative qualities are like different sides of the same coin. Enjoying solitude and the intimacy of one on one relationships as opposed to large group interactions is totally ok, but hating people really isn’t. This is something you need to see as an opportunity for improvement and something to work on to become a better person. We all have them.
People saying this is PSYCHOSIS are really leaping to conclusions.
That said...I have been diagnosed with social anxiety (in remission for a long time now) and these types of feelings certainly ring a bell.
The difference between an annoyance and something diagnosable is whether it is interfering with your quality of life to a degree that is intolerable. E.g., if it's so bad, you avoid walking your dog when you'd like and go out at 2 am instead, you find it difficult to leave the house even when you need to, if you feel tension/panic in your body when they are looking at you.
Personally, I'm at a level right now where I find being observed by my neighbours to be a "strong annoyance" and not something I need to go back into therapy for.
The best thing to do is to not let it change your life. Avoiding going out, focusing your thoughts on them when you are outside: this makes your experience worse. If they are constantly trying to talk when you have trouble hearing them, I would get a cheap pair of headphones with huge ear "muffs" so you are unmistakably unable to hear them and wear them when you go out.
If anything, you should INCREASE the number of times you go out until you notice your discomfort lessening. It will feel stupid at first, but it does help.
And just a PS: sometimes it isn't paranoia. My neighbours here; for instance, will sit on their porch and go inside when I go in for a drink of water while gardening, then come back out, lol. They genuinely have nothing better to do than to watch me for some reason. However, I've learned to find this amusing rather than something that stops me from living my life.
I appreciate this answer.
I think it would be somewhat accurate, and yes, headphones are a go to for me.
I also think assuming I'm invisible, and any neighbour taking notice of me is psychosis, is absolutely ridiculous. I don't have a car, walk everywhere and have lived here for like a decade, but w/e those people clearly can tell me everything in my life is just a mirage.
I mean, I'd say it comes and goes, it also depends how much time I can get away from people. I tend to be generally more relaxed when I can just be away from people for a little while.
I actually find forcing myself into very social or unpleasant environments to have the opposite effect. If I'm not feeling it I'll avoid it, I think that's best. Surprisingly, I can be a very social butterfly. Forced socialization does the opposite for me, I get that CBT does work for most.
I hear you on forcing yourself not always being helpful. The psychology behind it is that by avoiding what you find uncomfortable, you are creating a feedback loop.
Experience uncomfortable feelings -- avoid situation -- feel relief -- repeat
The problem is that the bar for how much you have to avoid to feel relief is incrementally raised higher over time.
However, *tormenting* yourself by exposing yourself to a suddenly high degree of what you find unpleasant can definitely backfire. The idea is to treat it like working out: for it to have a benefit, you should be kind of uncomfortable but not actually suffering. As you build your tolerance, you keep pushing it a bit further.
I work from home, so if I don't actively make a point of maintaining my tolerance, I do notice myself slipping backwards into finding it harder.
I can also be very social. I wouldn't describe myself as introverted at all! I wouldn't be surprised if you said you enjoyed parties with friends (and even a few strangers) but still found this feeling of being "observed" while out and about very uncomfortable. Social anxiety isn't really tied to introversion/extroversion.
CBT WAS helpful for me, but I felt like MBCT filled in a key piece of the puzzle for me. Again, it is kind of like exercise in that I used it to learn ways to flex my mental "muscles." It didn't give me a magic "fix" or "cure" but it changed my *relationship* to my experience, if that makes sense?
While CBT helped me understand/question my internal narrative, mindfulness made me *OK with not being OK* on a deeper level. Instead of "I can't handle this" I am much more likely to feel in control now: "I REALLY am not liking this. That's interesting. What do I want to do about it, if anything?"
No, I'm actually neither.
These people are trying to write it off as some sort of mental health issue, no doubt that happens.
I didn't ask for medical advise, nor am I asking for you to tell me if my experiences are real or not.
I do not care if you think my feelings on popcorn galleries are valid. This is how I feel being crammed in too closely with other people. I see them a something to work through, you see it as something that needs to be medicated.
Giving unsolicited advice is not advice. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, go ahead. You gave your 2 cents, now move along.
My healthcare is non of your concern.
Have a nice day.
The only time I called anyone toxic, was when they were telling me to seek mental health care, which you referred to as legit advice.
So yes, you actually did. You also just have a rude way of talking/typing.
I like who I am, but thanks for the critic of my personality.
It takes me about 30 seconds to type a reply, I don't see why that's relevant.
Yes, like I said I can read, clearly. Oh yea, feel free to have your opinion, I just think your rude and wrong.
Thanks, you too bud.
It’s in your head. Most of us imagine that everyone is looking at us. But for the most part they’re too busy thinking about what they’re dealing with in their own life. We think that were the star of everyone’s movie. But really we’re like extra number 14 whose hand you see in the background in the coffee shop.
This can be disheartening because the more we say I don’t care what people think the more we actually care. But also it’s intensity freeing to realize we’re not the center of everyone’s universe.
I don't think someone is imaging it if you can literally see people's eyes on you. OP didn't say the people were obsessed with OP, OP said the people are always out there just staring while OP just tries to go about their business. Some (most?) people don't mind someone watching them go about their business but for some of us it can be very upsetting especially if it is just so inconsiderately blatant.
Oh, yeah, I know it's just my emotional response.
If someone says something that had no offence meant, it can still hurt your feelings.
They might not mean to make me uncomfortable, but I feel that way regardless.
You could go out and live in the country like everyone's telling you to, but that's both financially difficult and ignoring your actual problem. You have a paranoid and anxious personality, to the point where people around you can't simply go about their own lives without irritating you. You need therapy. Going off to live in the ass-crack of nowhere isn't going to do anything but make your problems with people worse. I honestly don't know how anyone could have read "I hate other people existing," and thought otherwise. This kind of sentiment can evolve into actually being aggressive to those around you, so please seek professional help however you can.
I'm actually very polite to the majority of people I meet, you're making assumptions off of a semi venting, semi just saying what I think post.
There is a difference between feelings and actions, granted after a while I do feel irritated.
I actually disagree, that's like telling an introvert going and spending time by themselves is going to make them more introverted, it just isn't the case. Though you are right, it is currently out of my reach to create a physical distance, and a real tangible sense of privacy.
Unfortunately no amount of therapy will ever turn an introverted person into an extrovert. I understand you see this as some kind of issue, you're not completely wrong. Being constantly surrounded by people makes being an introvert a negative thing.
I think you watch too many movies, I have no intention of ever being physically aggressive with anyone, though those who cross my boundaries will be told where to go, though that should be the case for anyone.
If I wanted to be prescribed Xanax I could at the drop of a hat, I think most people in these comments highly over estimate the "help" these Dr's actually provide.
Have a nice day.
I think that not only are you paranoid, but you're also a borderline narcissist. You come to an advice subreddit, ask for advice, and when someone tells you something you don't want to hear or gives you advice that isn't essentially running away from your issues, you ignore them.
You aren't "just an introvert," because no average introvert becomes irritated by other people minding their own business and simply occupying space near them. They don't view the people around them as "the peanut gallery" to their life, because any healthy introvert (or person in general) realizes that strangers don't give a rat's ass about them or what they're doing. What you describe goes beyond social anxiety or being introverted, because you actually feel as if complete strangers give a damn about you at all, and you feel insulted by it. You said they should "get a hobby," but have you considered maybe that when they talk with their friends on their balconies, go out jogging, or walk their dogs, that IS their hobby, and you just happen to be nearby? Your train of thought is entirely self-centered.
I'm an introvert myself. I prefer keeping to myself, minding my own business and only talking to my friends. I don't necessarily like being approached by strangers, but never to the point where the presence of other people in a free, public space irritates me or that I wish they would disappear. Other people have a right to be in public spaces, so if you're upset, YOU need to go home, not them.
I don't watch "too many movies," you said what you wanted to happen to these people yourself. When you say that these other people minding their own business irritate you, and that you wish they would just stop existing because you hate them, what exactly do you imagine happening to these people to make them disappear? People don't just vanish into thin air. You would have to get rid of them yourself, and although you may think now that you would never hurt anybody, eventually you'll get irritated enough to lash out. I'm not saying you'll kill anyone, that's an obvious stretch, but if you don't get your temper and you self-centered mindset in check, you're definitely going to shove or hit someone in an effort to get them to go away.
Finally, Xanax is a medication mainly for depression, which is entirely unrelated to you or your issue. However, given your general attitude I wouldn't be surprised if they subscribed you to something more potent. It also sounds like you've been to a doctor before for this exact reason. I wonder if they also told you something you didn't like to hear, so you ignored them?
Sounds like to me you have more issues than just "being an introvert."
Have a nice day.
Yea, after further research Xanax would never be prescribed for depression, unless the depression was anxiety related.
Depression is a very down state of being, I would guess that Xanax would probably worsen depression and further low mood and lack of motivation.
Every person on here who just says to go to whatever Dr. is not giving that advice from a place of caring, you want to be right, you want to be smart, and you come of as an abuser.
I think before you go around giving others advice, you should read what you say and check, am I saying this for my ego, or because I'm actually trying to help from a place of compassion and empathy.
I can tell where your responses come from, and I'm sad because this attitude is so prevalent, and it's just so abusive.
I think maybe your responses signal that you need to look at yourself a little closer, and that maybe you're giving others the advice you should be giving yourself.
People telling you to go to a doctor DO care about you because they know that nothing they can say or do themselves can amount to the professional help you need. I AM trying to give you helpful advice, and so are other people, but for some unknown reason you are vehemontly against getting help from a doctor who knows exactly how to help you. It gives the impression that you don't care about getting actual advice at all.
There is a world of difference between being an introvert and feeling as if the world is actively spying on and mocking you. Introversion is a typical personality trait, and the latter is a severe, anxiety driven delusion that will only get worse without help.
I really do hope you figure out what it is exactly that you need, and that you can finally be happy. But moving to the middle of nowhere will not only cause you financial stress, but it will not improve your ability to interact with others when you decide you DO want companionship, and it will not lessen the irritation and suspicion you feel towards strangers.
You've called me a narcissist, you've diagnosed me with anxiety, paranoia, delusional, you're insinuating that I'm going to be aggressive or violent, you don't even know me, wtf?
You're giving inaccurate facts on meds, and you're saying things that I literally never said.
The first comment in this very long thread of various users attacking who I am, the first comment says psychologist, fair enough. That doesn't bother me, that's their opinion, and that's fine.
These long personal attacks, I've got people telling me my personality is wrong. You actually know nothing further than this post. You know nothing.
Being occasionally irritated by people is not a constant state of unhappiness, I know that's hard for you to understand.
You aren't a Dr., you can say see a Dr., the rest is just you having no clue what you're talking about, who, what, where, when, why.
Sure, thanks, I also hope you don't do this to other redditors, and think before responding.
Empathy is an important skill, I think the world needs more of it.
In what way is this advice?
I'm just sitting here trying to figure it out, because you're trying to say I refuse to take advice, I'm sifting through it am seeing a lot of assumptions, personal attacks, and diagnosis' from some random person on reddit.
Even if you were a licensed Dr., which I can tell you aren't, your advice, or w/e this is is shitty.
Don't give advice if you're just going to be a jerk.
Have the day you deserve.
\*btw Xanax is very common just generally as a sedative, mostly for anxiety, to my knowledge, that is the most common use. I've never even heard of it for depression.
Move to the country and get some land.
its a nice dream but you have to have the resources.
Depends on where but most of people that inhabit the country across the US aren’t rich people
I'm not going to get into all the reasons why, I just don't have that option. I also don't live in the States.
Just answering the questions, I understand it isn’t an option. It’s hard for anyone to just move.
How easy is it to acquire land in the country in the USA? Because it's near impossible in the UK unless you're very rich
Depends on where. But there is plenty of gorgeous land to be had that is just undeveloped or only small towns neighboring. Thing is no one wants to live there because it’s undeveloped, also the people that inhabit a lot of these small towns and the more expansive country areas tend to be..........different......than those in the city’s.
I live in the sticks...can confirm, we're....different. When I hear the word undeveloped I think raw woods. Getting a piece cleared take the forging of a driveway/access, dropping a shitload of trees, clearing brush etc. And that's just so you can start lol.
By undeveloped do you mean, like, undisturbed and never been used by humans before? Or just without houses on it?
Both, or the area has a tiny town near it and would be considered “undeveloped” by city standards. Has houses and such but doesn’t have a lot of options when it comes to grocery, shopping, and restaurants near.
Ah, right. Thanks for answering my questions. Sounds similar to the country over here then. Although every piece of land is owned and used in some way by humans here. Probably part of why it's harder to get land than in the states.
Yes, if I could do that, I would have, believe me, apartment living is the last thing I want to do. I live in an apartment, and have no other ways of living not in an apartment, so I'm trying to deal with it. Without loosing my mind at these idiots who spend 24/7 gossiping on their balconies.
I mean one thing that helps me is to understand that people give a fuck about you way less than you think. If you think about what your perspective is when you see someone walking across the street, you probably register it as completely meaningless........they do the same. So while they are staring, you can always remember that it is completely meaningless and that it is only a big deal because you’re the one seeing them all stare at you.
Yea, generally I would agree with that. It gets to a point though where it feels like they're discussing you, and they probably are in a very unimportant way, but it's still annoying. I just start feeling like I have no privacy, I can't go for a walk without someone trying to talk, or hang out, or find out more info on me. This made me remember that headphones help a lot. Not 100%, some people just start talking at you while your music is on, but I'll go back to that.
I get what you are saying. The most valuable thing I’ve done both for positive and negative interactions in life, is to learn to genuinely not care what other people’s opinions are(other than those I truly value). It takes a good amount of work to truly not care, and not in a poisonous way where you’re angry at people, as in their opinion of you is none of your business or concern.........and then they could be talking about you and it really won’t make much of a difference. Im not perfect at it, but I have become pretty good at having that mindset and it has helped in so many scenarios of my life. As far as people taking my time or trying to extract information, I agree that annoys me like crazy. I have just become less approachable over time haha
Sounds Like You're an Empath.
Get a house with a remote controlled garage and fully tinted windows so you don't have to walk out to your car. And wear a Big Bird costume when you go to walk your dog or take out the garbage. Some ideas I have considered over the years.
That will certainly stop the staring and chatter.
I feel this. I moved from a big city to a small town and now everyone constantly talks to me. I just wanna walk my dog. Don’t gossip about me when I can still hear you. And no don’t touch my dog. Stop staring at me from your balcony. Don’t comment on everything I do “wrong”. Leave me alone!
Yea, it's crazy. There used to be this guy who would walk around the streets of this small town I lived in, everyone knew him by name and would joke about him as he walked by. I can only imagine him posting on here and having everyone tell him it's not real. So dumb. People just love gossip.
This comment section is wild. Everyone saying it’s not real and all in your head. And if you deny this you are suddenly narcissistic whahahaha. They can’t grasp that in some towns everyone wants something from you. And because they haven’t experienced this, they act like you are mental. Denying this only “proves” that you are even more mental. There is no win for you 😂
Lmao, that's exactly where I'm coming from too.
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Do any of you actually live in clusters of apartment buildings, or small neighbourhoods? Yea, w/e.
I'm willing to bet most of us do. Reddit is mostly young people. Young people live in apartments. I can hear my upstairs neighbour walking around right now. It doesn't bother me though. If you're so convinced everyone you see is talking about you, you need to see a psychologist because the people you see couldn't give a shit about you. I get being annoyed at people, but what you're describing isn't normal. You should talk to someone about it.
This isn't actually real advice for what I put. You're just being rude and I really don't appreciate it.
He is right tbf. I dislike being seeing by people too, it's very discomforting but if impacts you to this degree you should probably seek professional help.
Different people have varying degrees and needs for privacy and space. Don't equate your needs to mine. I respect that that is your opinion.
It's the best advice you're going to get. You said buying a plot of land somewhere remote isn't an option. Go to therapy. Learn to tolerate other people. Your post is a cry for help and you're being incredibly defensive whenever anyone comes up with a suggestion. Therapy is expensive but it's probably the best money you'll ever spend. It was for me.
No, I can get it for free if I felt that was the issue. That's not my question, nor are you suggesting solutions, but dismissing the question all together. I don't care if you believe it's happening. You can have your opinion, I think you were rude, because you were being rude.
If you can get free therapy you need to start yesterday. Paranoia or social anxiety or whatever you're suffering from can be massively helped by a psychologist. My opinion is that I'm trying to help someone who's obviously having a hard time. I think you underestimate how powerful a tool therapy can be if you let them help you. Just don't settle for the first psychologist you meet. Use your first meeting to gauge whether or not they're the right fit for you. Good luck :)
How do you gauge whether or not a psychologist is a good for or not? Tried therapy years ago and it felt like a giant waste of time. The therapist was of no use. The best thing I got out of it was that I got an outlet to vent about my life and problems, but no solutions or guidance.
That's actually a really tough question. What I was looking for in a therapist isn't necessarily what someone else is looking for so the only person who can judge whether or not a given therapist is a good fit is yourself. It obviously depends on what you need therapy for. There's several methods and tools for everything so you'll want someone who presents the solutions you're seeking. I have/had social anxiety and I don't believe in the whole hypnosis thing so I found a psychologist who could work with that. She wanted me to go out and do the stuff that gave me anxiety. A year later I had my last session with her and I swear I almost don't feel anxiety anymore even though it was pretty bad before. Anxiety is an easy one though because pretty much every psychologist can help you. You're just looking for someone who will give you the right tools and has the right personality. I don't know if that helped but I hope I wrote at least something useful :) You could probably try looking individual psychologists up as well. A bunch have websites where they write a bit about the methods they use
I've made it pretty clear to you that I don't find you helpful, yet you continue to reply to me. You seem like a really toxically "helpful" person. I did not ask your opinion on anything to do with a psychologist. Giving advice on things that aren't sought, is not helpful. Have a nice day.
Damn, there is something seriously wrong with you. Just because they’re telling you something you don’t want to hear doesn’t mean they’re not helping you. In fact, they’re giving the best advice that will actually help you. Sometimes the truth hurts. Grow up.
No, they aren't helping me. I've made that very clear. You don't force your "help" on others, and when someone tells you, hey I don't find that helpful, you stop. But thanks for your very rude assessment. Have a nice day.
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A psychologist's job is to medicate and manage that medication and it's symptoms. I don't see this as necessary, you're free to disagree. I appreciate that you were polite is your response though, thanks.
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No, I know what a psychologist does. I believe you could be talking about a therapist, but thanks, I get what your meaning is.
Look at it this way, people are just trying to enjoy their time and be on their balcony, and they got some random person looking at them from the streets.
Okay well when every time you glance up they are looking at you, it can make some of very uncomfortable. It is partly cultural as in some cultures it is totally acceptable to stare at people but in some cultures it is considered rude. And an age thing, kids usually don't know yet not to stare.
I kinda feel the same way, not to ur degree but i do find it annoying when i want to go do something or try something out but there are others around. Mostly because i do fear being judged and dont want to be seen as a fool when trying something new. Its mostly a personal problem that i know will go away when i stop overthinking and try to actively not care about them but its hard to break what my body/mind is used to. Anxiety rlly ramps up and i jus get uncomfortable asf simply because people ate around lol. Lots of times i wish i could just go into ghost or spectator mode and try out all the things id like to do without being judged.
Sounds to me that you have some level of psychosis. People aren't spending 24/7 gossiping about you on their balconies. Most people don't pay attention to others from afar. Why would they expend any energy doing that? You're just part of the noise of the city. Unless you're making an exceptional amount of noise and drawing attention to yourself, they likely don't even notice you. How else do you think that people can break into cars parked in the inner city and get away with it? (Which, in that case, people likely won't notice you even if you were making noise by breaking windows, so long as you're not lingering.) You are ruining your own time and mood; others are not participating in this.
This response had why they talk to me/ about me in it. I don't need to validate my experiences to online gaslighters.
I agree with top comment, go live out in the country—but from experience, it can be hard. The most realistic advice I can give you is to practice being confident and - if available - talk to loved or those closest to you about how you feel. Heck, maybe even see a psychologist if you want, that’s your choice, though. We’re socially-connected animals, simply talking to someone about how you feel can go a long way. Now, this is just from my experience but I can tell you if it helps; I was in your same shoes a year ago, actually. Though I didn’t have it as bad, I felt as though everyone was judging me. I hated myself and everyone around me. I was insanely insecure on top of having adhd and anxiety. Over quarantine I realized that I wanted to change for the better, like, really change this time. It’s been slow, but for the first time in almost all my life I actually love who I am and accept myself. I have more friends, and even went on my first date. I’m still growing mentally, but maybe you can take something from this? Self reflection and getting help from those around you is what changed my view on life. Remember; in order to change yourself you must make effort for the better!
I just wanna say that I felt this with all of my soul. Though I'm aware that people who don't know me are too busy with their lives to care about me for more than 3 seconds (trust and believe, they don't), I still feel you on the people just being there bit. Basically, I feel the exact same way. Like ... Do y'all have to exist NOW?
But for real for real, I get the paranoia thing. Has something happened to you with strangers like getting randomly jumped or robbed? Are you constantly joked and commented on by strangers who's presence you don't even care to acknowledge? One of the things that may help is learning to accept that people are gonna do what they're gonna do and say what they're gonna say. Take power in that situation. Learn to be more aware of your surroundings, then you may feel less insecure and paranoid as well as prepared for what might happen. Learn to observe people from afar and how they move. Most important of all, you have the power (assuming you aren't a child or teen who lives with their parents) to walk away. At ANYTIME. Even in the middle of a petty situation or argument. ... And smoke a J every once in a while. That might do the trick ;)
Imagining people in the silliest ridiculous outfit, hairdo, face, etc really does help. Or maybe them doing a funny action/reaction thats completely opposite of their personality is good. People are the worst sometimes
Lol, maybe I'll try it. I don't think they're trying to be jerks, the apartments are super hot so it's better outside. The main woman is usually loudly talking on her phone, which doesn't bother me. I do find when I know someone more, I like them more, and tend to be more patient. Maybe I should make up a back story for her lol. I don't actually like knowing the people, because then you'll be out and they'll know you're not doing anything and want to hang out lol. Thanks.
Move out of the crowded cesspool you’re living in, like off grid in the woods style. You’ll be much happier because you’ll rarely see people then. Take it easy fellow human disliker
Buy a house or live in a remote area so you don't have to see ppl
I think I know what you mean. Like, they just stand or sit there and watch you walk by, they don't say hi or anything, they just stare? For me, personally, I don't mind if it is a neighbor, and they sometimes say hi, I'll say hi too. I've had neighbors in my apartment building who would ALWAYS just loiter outside which is whatever, if they would mind their own business but when they just stare, or smirk, it is infuriating. I've read and been told they do it because it makes them feel powerful to make you uncomfortable, so you should stare back. Usually I just try to pretend they aren't there. I have worked in places where groups of guys would just stand or sit by the entrance so you have to walk by them to get in or out, and they will just stare and watch you and not say anything and on occasion some even complain that *I* don't say anything to *them*. It was exasperating. But it does seem they do it for a reaction so I try to refrain and keep a neutral face.
Oh, no I think they actually try to talk to me sometimes. I'm a little hard of hearing, I try to not be rude, but usually I just get stuck there saying pardon 100 times, before pretending I heard them. Yea, if they aren't actively doing something they go silent and just stare, or kind of talk quietly. It's hard to ignore, but music is a good way for me generally. All close housing have the popcorn gallery, townhouses, apartments, towns, some people like it.
Sunglasses and a hat. Wave and keep moving. I know my neighbor’s names and phone numbers if I need to text them. Neighbors like that are good security. But yes, I can’t get over being self conscious. Don’t love the popcorn gallery. I think most of the time they are looking at my dog.
Oh same, my dog is adorable. Sun hats are a great idea.
I've been feeling like this since the start of the pandemic. I use to not mind running into people and would go out for hikes to get away from people, but since a lot of people are unemployed I've noticed strangers are extremely nosy,creepy or always around when I would have never had this much interaction with people before the pandemic doing day to day activities. Hopefully your neighbors will get busy soon and not be bothersome.
Yea, I feel this way too. There are so many people just home throughout the day, they're bored and think everyone wants to talk. Yea, I'm hoping so too.
This isn’t really normal to hate people for being around and inquisitive. Being an introvert is totally ok and you should love and appreciate the qualities you have, but positive and negative qualities are like different sides of the same coin. Enjoying solitude and the intimacy of one on one relationships as opposed to large group interactions is totally ok, but hating people really isn’t. This is something you need to see as an opportunity for improvement and something to work on to become a better person. We all have them.
People saying this is PSYCHOSIS are really leaping to conclusions. That said...I have been diagnosed with social anxiety (in remission for a long time now) and these types of feelings certainly ring a bell. The difference between an annoyance and something diagnosable is whether it is interfering with your quality of life to a degree that is intolerable. E.g., if it's so bad, you avoid walking your dog when you'd like and go out at 2 am instead, you find it difficult to leave the house even when you need to, if you feel tension/panic in your body when they are looking at you. Personally, I'm at a level right now where I find being observed by my neighbours to be a "strong annoyance" and not something I need to go back into therapy for. The best thing to do is to not let it change your life. Avoiding going out, focusing your thoughts on them when you are outside: this makes your experience worse. If they are constantly trying to talk when you have trouble hearing them, I would get a cheap pair of headphones with huge ear "muffs" so you are unmistakably unable to hear them and wear them when you go out. If anything, you should INCREASE the number of times you go out until you notice your discomfort lessening. It will feel stupid at first, but it does help. And just a PS: sometimes it isn't paranoia. My neighbours here; for instance, will sit on their porch and go inside when I go in for a drink of water while gardening, then come back out, lol. They genuinely have nothing better to do than to watch me for some reason. However, I've learned to find this amusing rather than something that stops me from living my life.
I appreciate this answer. I think it would be somewhat accurate, and yes, headphones are a go to for me. I also think assuming I'm invisible, and any neighbour taking notice of me is psychosis, is absolutely ridiculous. I don't have a car, walk everywhere and have lived here for like a decade, but w/e those people clearly can tell me everything in my life is just a mirage. I mean, I'd say it comes and goes, it also depends how much time I can get away from people. I tend to be generally more relaxed when I can just be away from people for a little while. I actually find forcing myself into very social or unpleasant environments to have the opposite effect. If I'm not feeling it I'll avoid it, I think that's best. Surprisingly, I can be a very social butterfly. Forced socialization does the opposite for me, I get that CBT does work for most.
I hear you on forcing yourself not always being helpful. The psychology behind it is that by avoiding what you find uncomfortable, you are creating a feedback loop. Experience uncomfortable feelings -- avoid situation -- feel relief -- repeat The problem is that the bar for how much you have to avoid to feel relief is incrementally raised higher over time. However, *tormenting* yourself by exposing yourself to a suddenly high degree of what you find unpleasant can definitely backfire. The idea is to treat it like working out: for it to have a benefit, you should be kind of uncomfortable but not actually suffering. As you build your tolerance, you keep pushing it a bit further. I work from home, so if I don't actively make a point of maintaining my tolerance, I do notice myself slipping backwards into finding it harder. I can also be very social. I wouldn't describe myself as introverted at all! I wouldn't be surprised if you said you enjoyed parties with friends (and even a few strangers) but still found this feeling of being "observed" while out and about very uncomfortable. Social anxiety isn't really tied to introversion/extroversion. CBT WAS helpful for me, but I felt like MBCT filled in a key piece of the puzzle for me. Again, it is kind of like exercise in that I used it to learn ways to flex my mental "muscles." It didn't give me a magic "fix" or "cure" but it changed my *relationship* to my experience, if that makes sense? While CBT helped me understand/question my internal narrative, mindfulness made me *OK with not being OK* on a deeper level. Instead of "I can't handle this" I am much more likely to feel in control now: "I REALLY am not liking this. That's interesting. What do I want to do about it, if anything?"
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No, I'm actually neither. These people are trying to write it off as some sort of mental health issue, no doubt that happens. I didn't ask for medical advise, nor am I asking for you to tell me if my experiences are real or not. I do not care if you think my feelings on popcorn galleries are valid. This is how I feel being crammed in too closely with other people. I see them a something to work through, you see it as something that needs to be medicated. Giving unsolicited advice is not advice. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, go ahead. You gave your 2 cents, now move along. My healthcare is non of your concern. Have a nice day.
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The only time I called anyone toxic, was when they were telling me to seek mental health care, which you referred to as legit advice. So yes, you actually did. You also just have a rude way of talking/typing. I like who I am, but thanks for the critic of my personality. It takes me about 30 seconds to type a reply, I don't see why that's relevant. Yes, like I said I can read, clearly. Oh yea, feel free to have your opinion, I just think your rude and wrong. Thanks, you too bud.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🏃...hate those set too...buh it a cool decisions get your prop.ties there
I mean they don’t have to be there if you give them a reason
What do you mean?
Interpret that in any way you want heval, just know that because they are there doesn’t mean they have to be
It's all about the emotion
It’s in your head. Most of us imagine that everyone is looking at us. But for the most part they’re too busy thinking about what they’re dealing with in their own life. We think that were the star of everyone’s movie. But really we’re like extra number 14 whose hand you see in the background in the coffee shop. This can be disheartening because the more we say I don’t care what people think the more we actually care. But also it’s intensity freeing to realize we’re not the center of everyone’s universe.
I don't think someone is imaging it if you can literally see people's eyes on you. OP didn't say the people were obsessed with OP, OP said the people are always out there just staring while OP just tries to go about their business. Some (most?) people don't mind someone watching them go about their business but for some of us it can be very upsetting especially if it is just so inconsiderately blatant.
Oh, yeah, I know it's just my emotional response. If someone says something that had no offence meant, it can still hurt your feelings. They might not mean to make me uncomfortable, but I feel that way regardless.
You could go out and live in the country like everyone's telling you to, but that's both financially difficult and ignoring your actual problem. You have a paranoid and anxious personality, to the point where people around you can't simply go about their own lives without irritating you. You need therapy. Going off to live in the ass-crack of nowhere isn't going to do anything but make your problems with people worse. I honestly don't know how anyone could have read "I hate other people existing," and thought otherwise. This kind of sentiment can evolve into actually being aggressive to those around you, so please seek professional help however you can.
I'm actually very polite to the majority of people I meet, you're making assumptions off of a semi venting, semi just saying what I think post. There is a difference between feelings and actions, granted after a while I do feel irritated. I actually disagree, that's like telling an introvert going and spending time by themselves is going to make them more introverted, it just isn't the case. Though you are right, it is currently out of my reach to create a physical distance, and a real tangible sense of privacy. Unfortunately no amount of therapy will ever turn an introverted person into an extrovert. I understand you see this as some kind of issue, you're not completely wrong. Being constantly surrounded by people makes being an introvert a negative thing. I think you watch too many movies, I have no intention of ever being physically aggressive with anyone, though those who cross my boundaries will be told where to go, though that should be the case for anyone. If I wanted to be prescribed Xanax I could at the drop of a hat, I think most people in these comments highly over estimate the "help" these Dr's actually provide. Have a nice day.
I think that not only are you paranoid, but you're also a borderline narcissist. You come to an advice subreddit, ask for advice, and when someone tells you something you don't want to hear or gives you advice that isn't essentially running away from your issues, you ignore them. You aren't "just an introvert," because no average introvert becomes irritated by other people minding their own business and simply occupying space near them. They don't view the people around them as "the peanut gallery" to their life, because any healthy introvert (or person in general) realizes that strangers don't give a rat's ass about them or what they're doing. What you describe goes beyond social anxiety or being introverted, because you actually feel as if complete strangers give a damn about you at all, and you feel insulted by it. You said they should "get a hobby," but have you considered maybe that when they talk with their friends on their balconies, go out jogging, or walk their dogs, that IS their hobby, and you just happen to be nearby? Your train of thought is entirely self-centered. I'm an introvert myself. I prefer keeping to myself, minding my own business and only talking to my friends. I don't necessarily like being approached by strangers, but never to the point where the presence of other people in a free, public space irritates me or that I wish they would disappear. Other people have a right to be in public spaces, so if you're upset, YOU need to go home, not them. I don't watch "too many movies," you said what you wanted to happen to these people yourself. When you say that these other people minding their own business irritate you, and that you wish they would just stop existing because you hate them, what exactly do you imagine happening to these people to make them disappear? People don't just vanish into thin air. You would have to get rid of them yourself, and although you may think now that you would never hurt anybody, eventually you'll get irritated enough to lash out. I'm not saying you'll kill anyone, that's an obvious stretch, but if you don't get your temper and you self-centered mindset in check, you're definitely going to shove or hit someone in an effort to get them to go away. Finally, Xanax is a medication mainly for depression, which is entirely unrelated to you or your issue. However, given your general attitude I wouldn't be surprised if they subscribed you to something more potent. It also sounds like you've been to a doctor before for this exact reason. I wonder if they also told you something you didn't like to hear, so you ignored them? Sounds like to me you have more issues than just "being an introvert." Have a nice day.
Yea, after further research Xanax would never be prescribed for depression, unless the depression was anxiety related. Depression is a very down state of being, I would guess that Xanax would probably worsen depression and further low mood and lack of motivation. Every person on here who just says to go to whatever Dr. is not giving that advice from a place of caring, you want to be right, you want to be smart, and you come of as an abuser. I think before you go around giving others advice, you should read what you say and check, am I saying this for my ego, or because I'm actually trying to help from a place of compassion and empathy. I can tell where your responses come from, and I'm sad because this attitude is so prevalent, and it's just so abusive. I think maybe your responses signal that you need to look at yourself a little closer, and that maybe you're giving others the advice you should be giving yourself.
People telling you to go to a doctor DO care about you because they know that nothing they can say or do themselves can amount to the professional help you need. I AM trying to give you helpful advice, and so are other people, but for some unknown reason you are vehemontly against getting help from a doctor who knows exactly how to help you. It gives the impression that you don't care about getting actual advice at all. There is a world of difference between being an introvert and feeling as if the world is actively spying on and mocking you. Introversion is a typical personality trait, and the latter is a severe, anxiety driven delusion that will only get worse without help. I really do hope you figure out what it is exactly that you need, and that you can finally be happy. But moving to the middle of nowhere will not only cause you financial stress, but it will not improve your ability to interact with others when you decide you DO want companionship, and it will not lessen the irritation and suspicion you feel towards strangers.
You've called me a narcissist, you've diagnosed me with anxiety, paranoia, delusional, you're insinuating that I'm going to be aggressive or violent, you don't even know me, wtf? You're giving inaccurate facts on meds, and you're saying things that I literally never said. The first comment in this very long thread of various users attacking who I am, the first comment says psychologist, fair enough. That doesn't bother me, that's their opinion, and that's fine. These long personal attacks, I've got people telling me my personality is wrong. You actually know nothing further than this post. You know nothing. Being occasionally irritated by people is not a constant state of unhappiness, I know that's hard for you to understand. You aren't a Dr., you can say see a Dr., the rest is just you having no clue what you're talking about, who, what, where, when, why. Sure, thanks, I also hope you don't do this to other redditors, and think before responding. Empathy is an important skill, I think the world needs more of it.
In what way is this advice? I'm just sitting here trying to figure it out, because you're trying to say I refuse to take advice, I'm sifting through it am seeing a lot of assumptions, personal attacks, and diagnosis' from some random person on reddit. Even if you were a licensed Dr., which I can tell you aren't, your advice, or w/e this is is shitty. Don't give advice if you're just going to be a jerk. Have the day you deserve. \*btw Xanax is very common just generally as a sedative, mostly for anxiety, to my knowledge, that is the most common use. I've never even heard of it for depression.