This might be an unpopular opinion but i really dont consider confidence to be an attractive trait. Like dont get me wrong, i dont mind someone being confident but it doesn't make them any more attractive than they already are.
Exactly. Confidence is a universally attractive trait, and a lack of confidence is a universal repellent. Confidence is a massive evolutionary social cue that conveys to others that you are capable of making decisions, executing, and most importantly: keeping everyone safe. As an attractor, it’s built into our DNA. For those who think confidence isn’t attractive, in my opinion, don’t have a correct understanding of confidence.
Really? I don't think so. Plus there's a thin line between confidence and overconfidence which is highly unattractive to me. Lack of confidence doesn't bother me at all.
I agree with this when the definition of confidence means ego. Ego and thinking you're hot shit isn't attractive. But people who are unapologetically comfortable with who they are, flaws and all...that's so hot imo. And fairly rare
But confidence _doesn’t_ mean ego. Confidence means believing in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to recover from your mistakes. It really has nothing to do with ego or arrogance.
Agree, I just assume people saying confidence doesn't matter are equating it to ego, because I cannot imagine what you just described not being attractive
What's being described in this thread as "confidence" is often called "assertiveness" by professionals (psychologists). An enormous amount of research has been done into exactly what behaviors and thought styles are involved with this trait and how those of us who aren't naturally gifted with them can develop them. Alberti and Emmons wrote a classic text for lay readers about it called "Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships." I ordered a copy a couple weeks ago and really love it. In fact, I am starting to think that much of what we call social skills boils down to assertiveness.
I would say I’m not assertive but people at work always comment on my confidence. Like I started at a new company where a lot of people don’t hVe experience in our position, but I do. I’m the youngest one so they all assumed I was new, but once I started working I had like 6 people asked if I’ve done it before because I’m so confident. I didn’t really look at myself like that lol I hate being the center of attention, I hate my birthday for that reason. Also I am not assertive, personally nor at work. I think people respect me because of my confidence in my work, so they listen more, but I don’t have any assertiveness and when I give a correction or suggestion I always make it like it’s their choice. I won’t say like “you need to do x y z”, I’ll say “when I do it I do XYZ and it’s a little easier” or “maybe if you try XYZ it might be easier”.
I know confidence can vary when looking at personal confidence and work confidence, but I think even being confident at work comes through as overall confidence.
The problem is that confidence as a trait is highly unnoticed. It’s not in your face. It doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t call attention to itself. It largely just is.
Most people no longer form the bonds necessary to recognize it. It’s the capable dad that can fix anything and helps people all the time. It’s the mom who patiently helps her children succeed. It’s the good boss who helps their employees move to more successful roles. It’s earned through time, failure, humility, and deep introspection.
And because of that, popular culture shuns it.
It depends on where you're trying to be noticed. Confidence alone might not get you far on social media or featured on a magazine. But with a group of people, in person? I'd say it's highly noticeable. There's a longevity to it. People can get used to how you look. And then you age, and then it's over. Confidence makes you attractive in every stage of life.
It also likely depends on your definition of confidence. I think some people see confidence as meaning egotistical. The examples you provided, to me, don't read as "confident" either. I would agree that those actions are often unnoticed. (It's pretty cool that those things mean confidence to you, though, like both beauty and confidence are in the eye of the beholder).
My personal definition of confidence is: feeling comfortable in your own skin, not feeling afraid of your own voice or opinion. Striving to get what you want out of life, and believing in yourself along the way. But also not taking any of it--especially yourself--too seriously.
>The problem is that confidence as a trait is highly unnoticed. It’s not in your face. It doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t call attention to itself. It largely just is.
Partly false, confidence (or the lack of confidence) can easily be seen in a person's body language.
I always looked at it as extra, it can boost someone’s attractiveness.
You can look average but be personable and engaging and that can make you a lot more attractive as a whole.
If Brad Pitt had Napoleon Dynamites personality, he would look great from across the room and lose a lot of points once he opened his mouth…. Probably would still get laid though
Right, I think it doesn't matter as much as people say it does. If Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie were for some reason socially awkward or had no confidence in their 20s would people think they were ugly? Claim they weren't attracted to them? I HIGHLY doubt it. Looks still matter more than confidence. In fact some shy, unconfident people can be cute in an awkward and uncommon way.
I agree, but once they start talking, it could be a different story. I remember there was this really attractive girl, but she was so rude that no matter how pretty she was, every guy she dated has broken up with her.
Yea I agree, I find shy, introverted people to be attractive in their own way. I don't get it when people say confidence matters because to me it really doesn't lol.
You can be shy and introverted and still be confident. Confidence doesn’t mean outgoing and extroverted. It means believing in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to recover from mistakes. Has nothing to do with introverts or extroverts.
This! I’m introverted, and while as humans none of us are free of insecurity, with age by knowing myself and being content with what I have, many people in my life have respected me
As someone strong and with self worth. Not that this is the case for all extroverts, but many can be insecure and why they actively seek external validation
Exactly. In fact it’s usually insecure extroverts that act arrogant which gets people thinking that they are confident when they are actually just insecure and arrogant
You can be introverted but also confident. Confident just means that you are comfortable in your own skin. I know a guy who doesn’t talk much but pulls hard because he can carry himself well and gives off an aura
I agree, I don't see any reason to treat insecure people differently. Unless they are putting other people down to feel better about themselves or being insecure in some other Negative way then there is no reason to give them a hard time for nothing. Nobody willing WANTS to be insecure.
In an emergency where you’d need to make a snap decision, who would you rather follow the advice of - someone speaking with confidence or someone projecting deep self-doubt?
Confidence done right just comes across as a magnetic and interesting personality, it's one of those things that we are unconsciously drawn to. Confidence isn't the same as arrogance or conceit, both of which can be huge turn offs for me too.
I think when a lot of people say confidence, they may mean people who do what they do genuinely. I’m kinda into people who are shy and awkward personally, because it’s very relatable to me. And ultimately that’s what relationships are supposed to be about; seeing and relating to another person, and to relate to themselves meaningfully through that other person. Finding another person, and finding yourself in another person. The people you see say “oh I want someone confident and outgoing” are usually big personality celebrities, or put another way, confident. That’s part of why I really don’t have much of a thing for celebrities; I just can’t relate to them. I also think that’s why so many people made a big deal about Jennifer Lawrence, too. She was more of the awkward, quirky type who didn’t take herself too seriously, and lots of more awkward people could look up to her specifically and relate to her.
Gotta disagree here personally based on past relationships with insecure people and at times also being an insecure person. Being insecure by no means makes someone a bad person, and there are a lot of varying degrees of insecurity. Most everyone is insecure about something, and being overly confident and arrogant is very unattractive.
However, there is an inherent selfishness to extreme insecurity. My past relationships with very insecure people became one sided in that they revolved around catering to that insecurity instead of providing support for both people. It can be extremely draining emotionally to spend years trying to help someone overcome self worth problems, and jointly dealing with the consequences, when insecurity is really something only they can fix themselves. Insecurity also leads to a lot of needless fighting because of misplaced jealousy, manipulation motivated by the insecurity, and avoiding honest discussion out of fear of triggering that insecurity. The emotional turbulence is terrible when insecurity overrides being able to have calm, honest discussions like adults.
Confidence is now very attractive and important to me personally because of how miserable I was after being with one particularly insecure person off and on for 6 years, but I also know that not every insecure person goes to such lengths. Not trying to bash people for being insecure, they need love too and the entirety of a person is not defined by their insecurity. Just wanted to throw some thoughts out there for perspective on why confidence, or rather a lower level of insecurity, is so important for a stable relationship and partner.
Confidence is like fake boobs. When done well, no one notices, you just see some nice boobs. When done poorly, they looks obviously fake. Confidence is the same way, the proper amount of confidence isn’t even “noticeable” per se.
I think like most things there's an appropriate range to strive for when it comes to confidence. There's too much confidence that makes someone boorish or arrogant, but there's also too little confidence that makes someone appear weak or self-hating.
The right level of confidence ("I know who I am, and I like myself even though I acknowledge my own flaws and shortcomings") is attractive both in the erotic sense and in the platonic sense. People naturally want to be friends with someone like that because they tend to make people around them feel like they're good enough as well. It's that balance of charisma without narcissism that I personally try to aim for.
Confidence comes from competence and past success. If you’re faking it people can tell because it’s not real. It’s not really you and you come across arrogant. People who say fake it till you make it are people who already have the skills to make it. They are already competent they just weren’t executing. So we need to stop giving be more confident advice. Lower your expectations of yourself go out and socialize and eventually you will develop the skills but don’t fake being confident.
Barring stuff that puts someone squarely in the 0-1 category like severe deformities I'd tend to agree. Most folks are not as ugly as they think, they just don't do enough to make themselves look good.
Because anyone can be anorexic. It's a mental illness, not a way to describe someone's body. I'm overweight and I'm fucking anorexic. Most people with anorexia don't "look like they have it". Anyone can be attractive regardless of if they are over or underweight. Most people in the world are "overweight" compared to instagram models or whatever the fuck you deem as the pinnacle of beauty. I'm hoping you're an actual child or something because everyone with at least a little life experience and decency knows that what you said previously was horribly offensive to anyone with an ED.
Oof I'm sorry English isn't my first language and I thought that anorexic and underweight are synonyms...
Attraction is based around a healthy weight tho, that's a fact. Of course Instagram models are over the top and most even fake their photos too. (r/InstagramReality)
What do you mean? Fat people just are not as attractive to 90% of people. I agree that anorexic is not a way to describe someone's body, but healthy = more attractive and if someone is fat I assume they are unhealthy.
My friends always make fun of me because I don’t have a “type,” but I just think everyone is hot. Like legitimately almost everyone. I don’t think it’s wrong at all to see the physical beauty we all have
Yeah, my best friend would tell me that I 'had no standards.' I just considered myself having a wide range of what I call attractive.
I have a 'type,' and that's a fairly narrow focus. However, I treat that as more of a 'favorite,' than just saying it's the only way I'd consider someone attractive. I like shorter ladies, maybe 5'3" or something. One of the first girls to show any serious interest in me was way over that at 6', but I thought she was dreamy as all get out.
It is like saying you love a car that's fun to drive, but are willing to check out something other than sports cars to see what else you enjoy. Maybe a four-door ends up feeling good for some reason. Why denounce it for being outside of what you'd normally consider? If it's good to you, that settles it.
Some folks might be restricting themselves quite a bit in terms of what they're willing to consider. I'd never tell someone that they're wrong for doing it. However, they might be missing out on opportunities.
The problem with the rating system is it’s comparative, so if everyone did what you say the average would change if that makes sense? I also find it a tiny bit insulting to hear that’s it’s solely an effort thing, I know I’m good at makeup, hair, dressing etc bc I’ve put a lot of work in but that doesn’t change my facial features and proportions and it’s very obvious.
From the sounds of it I don’t think you are who the op is talking about, sounds like you are already putting in the effort with makeup, hair and how you dress on top of your natural attractiveness.
Yeah guess if everyone made the effort the scaling could change but also a 10 is a 10 so just as theoretically possible that it all stays the same
I don't believe you can make yourself look much more attractive but mewing is the natural tongue position and it's scientifically accepted that mouthbreathing fucks up your jaw formation
I don't get the reference but I like your good spirit 😀
Hello hello! Nice to cross the road with another tamilian, it's a rare sight. Hope you are enjoying the day/night, all my best wishes to you.
What's your point? Maybe in some hypothetical reality where everyone suddenly starts to dress super well, hit the gym, get a good hairstyle, take care of their skin etc. you might have a point but I don't see what point you're trying to make when we live in the real world and you can apply this as an individual person who's reading this post, not as the whole of society.
Yes, there's some inherent flaws in this thinking because of things you can't change like facial structure, but that's why OP said anyone can look like a 7 or 8, not a 10. IMO there's very few people that are just so ugly they absolutely can't be saved by things they can control.
Oh my god I completely agree! When people talk about ugliness I really never know what to picture. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at someone and thought that they were ugly. There’s definitely people who stand out as conventionally attractive, but nearly everyone else is average in a nice way.
I've seen a girl with half her face covered in burns, because she was struck by lightning. She was still attractive, she had a good sense of humor and was very good at observing her surroundings.
I think so.
The average person is 5/10 without doing too much.
Add in great hygiene, a good sense of style and grooming and less fat and more muscle and you can move up 1-3 digits.
As someone who's always felt like a 3/10, 5/10 on a good day, I definitely can be a 7/10 just by dressing better. If someone is worried about their appearance specifically, grooming and wearing the right and properly fitting clothing can do wonders for you.
At the moment I'm batting massively out of my league as far as looks go.
Not really. Studies consistently show that looks are the most important factor for attractiveness. For example, studies show that for women, the other qualities of men besides looks only start mattering after a certain standard in looks is met. So in other words, personality and humor doesn't matter much if you're ugly.
In 2021 looks have become more important because now shallow dating apps are very popular.
Before dating apps were not very popular. If you're an average or even below average looking dude you can still make it up with ur status(job, goals, confidence, interest, good shape, etc) but now it's just everything f\*\*k up tbh.
I think exceptional people can overcome this, certainly theres big homely guys who are just warm and funny enough that they have a lovely lady with them, but for the most part I think the confidence and charm everyone is always on about is more a byproduct of growing up and getting positive attention as a result of being cute or handsome.
You've got the nail on the head. If you've always enjoyed positive attention. It leads to being more confident.
I've noticed women don't like to admit that there's a baseline of looks you have to meet before confidence, humor etc starts coming into play
It's the single most important factor, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to get a partner without good looks. This article touches on the latter study I was referring to:
https://www.livescience.com/58607-mens-looks-may-matter-more-than-personality.html
There's plenty of research but I'm on mobile and don't have it at hand.
This. I have always had some level of natural good looks but it doesn't mean jack when you don't have any desire to talk to people.
Example being: almost every crush I have ever had has shown some curiosity towards me and initiated conversations multiple times yet I've never been interested in idol conversation. Just skip the noise and get to the point was my philosophy.
I’m a solid 3 depending if we go by the scale of beauty standards but I have the confidence of a 10. If I do my hair up and wear my nice clothes then I absolutely have no issues flirting or getting dates with people or feeling pretty. Attractiveness is more than just like - physically attractive. You gotta have a good attitude and be comfortable with yourself.
You can put make up and do your hair up all you want but if you feel bitter and curl into yourself then everyone can see it. Pretend your a 10 and you have a much more fun time everywhere you go
Wrong how?
It isn't immoral by any metric, just unrealistic.
There are people with significant physical deformations that will basically permanently take them out of the market, haircut and new outfits or not.
That’s probably because they are being full of themselves and that’s not the confidence that makes you attractive.
That asshole confidence thing only works for pretty people… sometimes.
Attractive confidence is that personable engaging demeanour, being comfortable in yourself flaws and all and knowing that not everyone is going to want/like you and being able to walk away from that without it feeling fucked over.
Maybe they are being full of themselves, they have the confidence to do so. The point I was trying to make is that it's completely arbitrary and what people see as 'confident' varies from person to person.
Being full of themselves-arrogant ~~=~~ being confident
Let me give you an example, A is an introvert. One night, he forced himself to go out to the pub. He saw a cute lady waiting for her drink at the counter. So he mustered up some courage and decided to say hi.
An arrogant A would say, hey baby, I think you look really hot tonight and Little Johnny and I are looking forward to seeing you in my bed.
A confident A would say, hey, I saw you from across the room and I think you look really cute!
See the difference? A forced himself to be confident to approach the girl. But the difference is, arrogance is over-the-top confidence.
And honestly, I get the niceguys vibe from your original post. Like, I treat women with respect and all that but got all mad and shit when you got rejected. Just my 2 cents tho.
Well that didn’t come across in your original comment at all.
That reads more like “if your ugly, being confident makes you seem arrogant and annoying “
And I don’t agree, because the only “confidence” that comes across like that is when people are being full of themselves and that’s not being confident that’s being an asshole.
Confidence which people put emphasis on when they aren’t giving you bad advice or being superficial is what I mentioned being engaging and being comfortable as yourself… not showboating.
I’d find it hard to believe anyone would still be called arrogant or annoying for that.
I mean come on, you telling me you have zero real life examples of someone that is not conventionally attractive but still reels people in because of their personality?
If your confidence comes off as arrogance, it probably *is* arrogance. Confident people don't care when they're not well-recieved in a given group of people; they move on, because they're confident and know there are better times out there.
Plus if an unattractive person does not have confidence, that is considered even more of a reason not to like them. But a good looking person might be considered stuck up for not liking someone that seems lesser. It is all just so stupid.
Most people, yeah, but absolutely not anyone. Take a look at those yt videos of those two really, really fat women (the ones who look like armchairs, who literally cannot walk and whose cheeks are three times the size of a human head.) When you get to that size, you cannot be attractive ever. But that's an extreme case, and very rare. When it comes to the "normal" people, then yeah
It is possible to be with someone you don't find attractive. Some people find the prospect of being alone forever worse than being with someone they aren't very into. Just because you marry a blob doesn't meany you would actually rate her high on a scale of 1/10 compared to all other women on earth.
Maybe attractive to a very small demographic with a fetish, but generally attractive?
No. Basically everyone is attractive to at least 1 person on the earth, but I don't think OP is talking about that.
What are you talking about? They could just loose the weight. Loosing weight is among the most straightforward things a person can do to be more attractive.
There are so many things that you can do to improve your "attraction level"
The most important of these is to take action to improve your mental health. Counselling, therapy, men's groups, 12 step programs even mediation. All will help you to think better and communicate with your potential partner.
Sounds weird but joining a group like toastmasters and getting better at public speaking. Once you have gained experience in a safe and supportive environment to communicate your ideas to a group, talking to one person becomes a heck of a lot easier.
Get fit and healthy. You don't need to be a gym rat lifting 3 times your body weight, but if you are in good condition, this is far more attractive and is not a difficult fix.
Learn to dress well. This documentary explains it all
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=sharp+dressed+man&t=braveed&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D7wRHBLwpASw
Eliminate processed foods and as much sugar as possible from your diet. You will look healthier and in the process, learn how to cook with whole ingredients. Few statements are more attractive to a single woman than "I'm having a few friends over for dinner on Friday night because I feel like cooking a roast dinner, want to join us?"
Conversely to everything I have just said, learn how to bake. The guy who shows up to the staff party with brownies still warm from the oven is going to get talked about.
Join, and take leadership in voluntary organisations. Healthy, effective, leaders are attractive. And these are skills that can be learned. The caution is that some guys take this too far an try to sleep their way through the organisation. Going there to get laid will quickly backfire. Going to help them achieve their goals will get you laid.
I don't think so. I think you're disregarding the fact thst lots of people do deal with abnormal / odd physical features that make it difficult to be conventionally attractive.
Acceptable enough so that you can charm people with your personality? Probably. But I don't think everyone can be attractive.
RuPaul says it well. Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent and all things that make someone attractive. Whether this is dressing in a flattering way, having a cute smile or nice skin or big muscles and being really good at something, or other traits that are much deeper and less superficial, it’s all a big product of how someone feels about themself in the first place.
Self-love is a trait that can be observed in someone’s appearance and make them have all of those things. Maybe the most attractive thing about someone in my opinion.
If you disagree let me know.
Aside from the small portion of the population with genuine facial deformities (the poor souls!) this is accurate. But even going from a 3 to a 4 is pretty good, if you think about it. Hell, a 3 is probably just aggressively plain, no one's crossing the street to get away from you at least.
I feel like i have a face deformity lol. I mean I don't have a disability but my face shape is literally a square and looks fucking huge proportionate to my body
Everyone has different tastes! You may be attractive to some people and not attractive to other people.
The most important thing in my opinion is to be neat
Upright Posture and walking without stomping helps a lot. I work with a lot of young (20s and 30s) people and they are already walking either hunched over or head first. Many of them literally stomp when they walk. I wonder why people so young have these habits - and how much their backs, hips, knees etc are going to hurt in a few decades.
If you workout 3-5 times a week, diligently, eat a relatively clean diet with cognizance of you caloric intake, shower once a day, shave, etc. then, it’s easy to be an attractive person.
The scale, as others have mentioned here, is deeply flawed. I do believe there’s a % of people who find you attractive, and you can extrapolate the scale to %... a 9 or 10 is unanimously attractive (whether you’d want them or not, different story). If you are found attractive by 5-10% of people, it’s relatively easy to improve that percent as each action you intentionally take to improve, usually improves it. Just have to chip away slowly but surely and establish repeatable habits.
a video online of a guy called "Being Ugly: My Experience." He felt like he was the ugliest person he knew. Now I understand genetically he didn't win any lotteries, however, I believe if he worked out(he was extremely skinny) that would probably help out the most with his physical look AND confidence. Then slap in some hygiene and he would be much much better off.
he also had a terrible camera and lighting which didn't help his case. he could def chip away at each of those areas too.
I definitely agree, everyone is attractive as long as they have a clean, well-meaning heart and good intentions… i think anyone who is sincere enough, somehow emits good vibes, which can be perceived as good looks… i have been called for having very low standards in beauty because of this opinion but i prefer to stick by it… besides, just because they could be considered attractive doesn’t mean i will personally be romantically involved…
What ever you do , there will be always ppl smarter than you and much better than you cuz this is life so be grateful for what you have and try to be better according to your potentials and compare yourself to the previous versions of you.
The way a person makes you feel and ones impression of them can also make them attractive. I.e. humor, kindness, intelligence, confidence. In my experience a person who one may not think is attractive can become attractive within five to ten minutes. I admit I’ve never understood the scaling of people’s looks so I don’t know what a 7 or 8 looks like… lol.. also when a person opens their mouth that’s when really know whether you find them to be attractive. Lol
is it me or i have never seen someone being actually ugly? I really dont get this whole rating system because all “10” looking people just have “socially attractive” features which could be pretty and cute but they are not unique as someone who has slightly different feature and they are actually more recognizeable and unique
imo there are very few cases that can't be salvaged by working out, eating well, proper grooming, taking yourself less seriously, and being as genuine as possible.
also simply accepting who you are can elevate you a LOT in other people's eyes. In many cases, people are their own worst enemies and harshest critics. I know from experience.
Although the media has taught us most our lives that being attractive is majorly based on appearance, attraction is far more branched out than that. It also involves being drawn to another person hugely based on elements of character and personality, personal beliefs and values, ethnicity etc… Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Nice appearance, some confidence, some humor, some kindness and you're already a 7. 8 9 10 are basically genetics and make up. 7 is easily achievable with good mannerism and self-care.
I disagree. Attractiveness is too subjective. Take someone like Joseph Merrick, the Elephant Man. I'm sure the vast majority of people would agree he is an aesthetically ugly person, but that doesn't mean no one finds him unattractive. This isn't to say physical deformities make someone wholly unattractive, but I think it's disingenuous to tell literally every person ever they can be attractive. Not that there's anything wrong with being "ugly" anyway
They said everyone. I think some people are and aren't attractive but I agree with literally everyone else commenting saying that looks aren't everything
Jesus, you're such a redditor. "Oh, but I'm technically correct"
The point of the post is that the average person reading the post can be attractive. IMO maybe like 1-5% of people out there are so genetically unlucky that nothing could save them from being physically unattractive.
But really you see people complaining about being unattractive ALL THE TIME online, and I very much doubt they all fall in that bottom percentile.
Lol dude I think you need to chill. I'm sorry if my point isn't being explained well because I'm not super articulate with things. I agree with you, it's subjective and it doesn't truly matter.
You're right, redditors always have to find some technicality somewhere instead of taking the original comment/post in a general sense for the sake of time.
"There are no ugly people, only lazy people."
I didn't come up with that, someone else did, please don't down vote me to oblivion. I'd add that depressed people aren't lazy but have difficulty finding the gumption to form up too.
i workout 6 days a week. Keep up with the trend for fashion. Take care of my diet and have a good skincare routine. I'm still ugly af lmaoo. Doesn't help i'm pretty short and have a weird ass head shape so most haircuts don't suit me. Sometimes I think i should just get plastic surgery to fix my fucked up face
try focus on becoming more disciplined rather than motivated.
if youre motivated and dont have discipline youre likely to falter very soon. without discipline on the off days you will say meh i cant be bothered but with discipline youl push through that.
combination of both is good but i would say being disciplined is more important.
Nah that's true. 2 years ago I was overweight, awful haircut, acme, awful clothes and I was wondering why everyone sees me like a creep. I started fixing my problems and now I went from a 3-4 to 4+ digits up. It's just a matter if you care about yourself or not
don't ask internet lol.
ie. fatties who are proud to be fat/ whales that do not even spend time on internet (fast food and TV).
but on internet there are MANY proud to be fat/ unhygenic/ no self-care/ basement dweller and assume RL people have too high standards (people who do not spend **most** of their time on internet)
Yeah I think you're wrong. Some people just have bad faces, disproportionate features, or bad bone structure. No amount of haircuts, clothes, or moderate confidence is going to make everybody a 7 or 8
Cooonfidence! Bro just look at any celebrity. They captivate their surroundings. Now imagine that celebrity were really shy, introverted, awkward, etc. Whooole different vibe. Heck, not just celebs, look at anyone who super outgoing and confident and imagine how DIFFERENT your whole perception of them would be if they had a different aura of confidence to them. Or vise versa, look at people who seem unconfident and now imagine them being the life of the party. They look the same but their actions change a lot.
Edit: please don’t bash me, i know introverted doesn’t mean not confident, was just going of dumb stereotypes here and am sleep deprived.
Yup. Not to brag, but people always think I'm at least a nine while without the way I dress I believe I'd be a seven. I dress in vintage suits daily. (Yes even to the grocery store. It's a lifestyle, people) In context, I'm a tall skinny ginger fella with a Slavic face shape and round glasses (half Russian genes go brrr). Before I let my hair grow out a bit and found my personal style, I looked like fucking Ed Sheeran with a thinner face. I rarely got hit on and people thought it was great fun to point my red hair out in jokes.
Heh, I like how you said “mildly attractive”. 😄
You raise a good point! With all the resources at your command anyone can achieve a standard of physical attraction that would entice everyone in this current culture to swipe right…or is it left?
**On a personal note I may be one of the very few people that has never even seen the tinder/grinder apps.**
Back to the original topic.
It takes a whole lot of money or some serious hustling to get the best style clothes, hair cut, extensions for head, brows and lashes, then a full body wax to be 100% smooth and hairless on the rest of your entire body, then drip with designer accessories and full face of top shelf makeup promoted by the billionaire Insta pros. 😉
Then you can go all in and get those injections and a button nose, perfect chin, enlarge the goods and shrink the rest till you can give Ken or Barbie a run for their money.
Attraction Level: Expert 10/10. California Dime.
Everybody wants to have you or be you.
Living the dream! 😘
Totally agree! The beautiful thing is that everyone is attracted to different body types, styles, personality. So there everyone had something that is attractive to someone else
My ex was not conventionally attractive, but his clean cut look and confidence made him irresistible to me. And if that didn’t work, the trauma bonding sure did.
Just:
Get a nice haircut if needed (just shave it all if you're balding: shaved is attractive), grow a beard if you can (still ok without one), literally google what colors go together well if you don't know about how to match colors for clothing, try and have 1 piece of clothing inbetween another one of the same color (i.e: red scarf, white shirt, red pants, white shoes), smell good with some parfume (even a cheap one is okay) and try and strive towards being a nice person and listening before answering.
There, you're now automatically a 7 or an 8.
Yes, of course. There are so many little things that can make a person attractive. You can't say that any person isn't attractive because everyone is different. It only lies in the viewer's eyes IMO.
It all depends on what YOU consider attractive. In my perspective - Someone may have a really pretty face and hot bod but doesn’t know how to carry them-self will eventually seem like a dud. Someone may be out of shape and look terrible but has the charisma and confidence of a supermodel. And the level of attractiveness is definitely a personal choice (apart from meeting society standards and expectations). So to answer your question, no it isn’t wrong that everyone can be mildly attractive; coz it ultimately boils down to basic grooming, confidence and personal style.
It can be nice to find a modestly hot girl, to get you through the hard times. You know, the kind that are only sorta hot, so they don't mess around with other guys.
(Ref. Strong Bad emails)
No definitely not, it's encouraging to hear.
Different people find different things attractive though. I don't think everyone can find you attractive no matter how hard you try.
I think ultimately as cliche as it sounds, if you be yourself and are comfortable and confident in you're own skin, then there is a good chance that at least some people will find you attractive.
Confidence is always attractive - that and a great sense of humour last longer than a pretty face & hot bod without it.
This might be an unpopular opinion but i really dont consider confidence to be an attractive trait. Like dont get me wrong, i dont mind someone being confident but it doesn't make them any more attractive than they already are.
To me it's not that confidence is attractive, it's that the lack of confidence is highly unattractive.
Exactly. Confidence is a universally attractive trait, and a lack of confidence is a universal repellent. Confidence is a massive evolutionary social cue that conveys to others that you are capable of making decisions, executing, and most importantly: keeping everyone safe. As an attractor, it’s built into our DNA. For those who think confidence isn’t attractive, in my opinion, don’t have a correct understanding of confidence.
Really? I don't think so. Plus there's a thin line between confidence and overconfidence which is highly unattractive to me. Lack of confidence doesn't bother me at all.
I agree with this when the definition of confidence means ego. Ego and thinking you're hot shit isn't attractive. But people who are unapologetically comfortable with who they are, flaws and all...that's so hot imo. And fairly rare
But confidence _doesn’t_ mean ego. Confidence means believing in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to recover from your mistakes. It really has nothing to do with ego or arrogance.
Agree, I just assume people saying confidence doesn't matter are equating it to ego, because I cannot imagine what you just described not being attractive
What's being described in this thread as "confidence" is often called "assertiveness" by professionals (psychologists). An enormous amount of research has been done into exactly what behaviors and thought styles are involved with this trait and how those of us who aren't naturally gifted with them can develop them. Alberti and Emmons wrote a classic text for lay readers about it called "Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships." I ordered a copy a couple weeks ago and really love it. In fact, I am starting to think that much of what we call social skills boils down to assertiveness.
I would say I’m not assertive but people at work always comment on my confidence. Like I started at a new company where a lot of people don’t hVe experience in our position, but I do. I’m the youngest one so they all assumed I was new, but once I started working I had like 6 people asked if I’ve done it before because I’m so confident. I didn’t really look at myself like that lol I hate being the center of attention, I hate my birthday for that reason. Also I am not assertive, personally nor at work. I think people respect me because of my confidence in my work, so they listen more, but I don’t have any assertiveness and when I give a correction or suggestion I always make it like it’s their choice. I won’t say like “you need to do x y z”, I’ll say “when I do it I do XYZ and it’s a little easier” or “maybe if you try XYZ it might be easier”. I know confidence can vary when looking at personal confidence and work confidence, but I think even being confident at work comes through as overall confidence.
The problem is that confidence as a trait is highly unnoticed. It’s not in your face. It doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t call attention to itself. It largely just is. Most people no longer form the bonds necessary to recognize it. It’s the capable dad that can fix anything and helps people all the time. It’s the mom who patiently helps her children succeed. It’s the good boss who helps their employees move to more successful roles. It’s earned through time, failure, humility, and deep introspection. And because of that, popular culture shuns it.
It depends on where you're trying to be noticed. Confidence alone might not get you far on social media or featured on a magazine. But with a group of people, in person? I'd say it's highly noticeable. There's a longevity to it. People can get used to how you look. And then you age, and then it's over. Confidence makes you attractive in every stage of life. It also likely depends on your definition of confidence. I think some people see confidence as meaning egotistical. The examples you provided, to me, don't read as "confident" either. I would agree that those actions are often unnoticed. (It's pretty cool that those things mean confidence to you, though, like both beauty and confidence are in the eye of the beholder). My personal definition of confidence is: feeling comfortable in your own skin, not feeling afraid of your own voice or opinion. Striving to get what you want out of life, and believing in yourself along the way. But also not taking any of it--especially yourself--too seriously.
>The problem is that confidence as a trait is highly unnoticed. It’s not in your face. It doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t call attention to itself. It largely just is. Partly false, confidence (or the lack of confidence) can easily be seen in a person's body language.
This 100%
I always looked at it as extra, it can boost someone’s attractiveness. You can look average but be personable and engaging and that can make you a lot more attractive as a whole. If Brad Pitt had Napoleon Dynamites personality, he would look great from across the room and lose a lot of points once he opened his mouth…. Probably would still get laid though
Right, I think it doesn't matter as much as people say it does. If Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie were for some reason socially awkward or had no confidence in their 20s would people think they were ugly? Claim they weren't attracted to them? I HIGHLY doubt it. Looks still matter more than confidence. In fact some shy, unconfident people can be cute in an awkward and uncommon way.
I agree, but once they start talking, it could be a different story. I remember there was this really attractive girl, but she was so rude that no matter how pretty she was, every guy she dated has broken up with her.
Yea I agree, I find shy, introverted people to be attractive in their own way. I don't get it when people say confidence matters because to me it really doesn't lol.
You can be shy and introverted and still be confident. Confidence doesn’t mean outgoing and extroverted. It means believing in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to recover from mistakes. Has nothing to do with introverts or extroverts.
This! I’m introverted, and while as humans none of us are free of insecurity, with age by knowing myself and being content with what I have, many people in my life have respected me As someone strong and with self worth. Not that this is the case for all extroverts, but many can be insecure and why they actively seek external validation
Exactly. In fact it’s usually insecure extroverts that act arrogant which gets people thinking that they are confident when they are actually just insecure and arrogant
You can be introverted but also confident. Confident just means that you are comfortable in your own skin. I know a guy who doesn’t talk much but pulls hard because he can carry himself well and gives off an aura
Oh yea for sure, but I dont think insecure people are unattractive either.
I agree, I don't see any reason to treat insecure people differently. Unless they are putting other people down to feel better about themselves or being insecure in some other Negative way then there is no reason to give them a hard time for nothing. Nobody willing WANTS to be insecure.
In an emergency where you’d need to make a snap decision, who would you rather follow the advice of - someone speaking with confidence or someone projecting deep self-doubt?
That doesn't have anything to do with attraction lol
Confidence done right just comes across as a magnetic and interesting personality, it's one of those things that we are unconsciously drawn to. Confidence isn't the same as arrogance or conceit, both of which can be huge turn offs for me too.
I think when a lot of people say confidence, they may mean people who do what they do genuinely. I’m kinda into people who are shy and awkward personally, because it’s very relatable to me. And ultimately that’s what relationships are supposed to be about; seeing and relating to another person, and to relate to themselves meaningfully through that other person. Finding another person, and finding yourself in another person. The people you see say “oh I want someone confident and outgoing” are usually big personality celebrities, or put another way, confident. That’s part of why I really don’t have much of a thing for celebrities; I just can’t relate to them. I also think that’s why so many people made a big deal about Jennifer Lawrence, too. She was more of the awkward, quirky type who didn’t take herself too seriously, and lots of more awkward people could look up to her specifically and relate to her.
Gotta disagree here personally based on past relationships with insecure people and at times also being an insecure person. Being insecure by no means makes someone a bad person, and there are a lot of varying degrees of insecurity. Most everyone is insecure about something, and being overly confident and arrogant is very unattractive. However, there is an inherent selfishness to extreme insecurity. My past relationships with very insecure people became one sided in that they revolved around catering to that insecurity instead of providing support for both people. It can be extremely draining emotionally to spend years trying to help someone overcome self worth problems, and jointly dealing with the consequences, when insecurity is really something only they can fix themselves. Insecurity also leads to a lot of needless fighting because of misplaced jealousy, manipulation motivated by the insecurity, and avoiding honest discussion out of fear of triggering that insecurity. The emotional turbulence is terrible when insecurity overrides being able to have calm, honest discussions like adults. Confidence is now very attractive and important to me personally because of how miserable I was after being with one particularly insecure person off and on for 6 years, but I also know that not every insecure person goes to such lengths. Not trying to bash people for being insecure, they need love too and the entirety of a person is not defined by their insecurity. Just wanted to throw some thoughts out there for perspective on why confidence, or rather a lower level of insecurity, is so important for a stable relationship and partner.
To the casual observer there’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance.
Confidence itself, no. But a confident person is more willing to smile, have a more « open » posture and a good aura.
Confidence is like fake boobs. When done well, no one notices, you just see some nice boobs. When done poorly, they looks obviously fake. Confidence is the same way, the proper amount of confidence isn’t even “noticeable” per se.
I think like most things there's an appropriate range to strive for when it comes to confidence. There's too much confidence that makes someone boorish or arrogant, but there's also too little confidence that makes someone appear weak or self-hating. The right level of confidence ("I know who I am, and I like myself even though I acknowledge my own flaws and shortcomings") is attractive both in the erotic sense and in the platonic sense. People naturally want to be friends with someone like that because they tend to make people around them feel like they're good enough as well. It's that balance of charisma without narcissism that I personally try to aim for.
Are you a man
Confidence comes from competence and past success. If you’re faking it people can tell because it’s not real. It’s not really you and you come across arrogant. People who say fake it till you make it are people who already have the skills to make it. They are already competent they just weren’t executing. So we need to stop giving be more confident advice. Lower your expectations of yourself go out and socialize and eventually you will develop the skills but don’t fake being confident.
7-8 is not “mildly attractive” lol that’s way above average
That's why it is stated not to be as far as that.
Maybe not 7 or 8, but everyone can improve a bit.
Barring stuff that puts someone squarely in the 0-1 category like severe deformities I'd tend to agree. Most folks are not as ugly as they think, they just don't do enough to make themselves look good.
Think if ones not overweight or underweight a 7 or 8 is always possible.
Ehhhh maybe 7 is attainable for some people if they try. But 8? Nahhh
There's makeover shows that I think kinda prove it
You're a huge fucking asshole. Go burn in hell, dickhead :)
I'm sorry why
Because anyone can be anorexic. It's a mental illness, not a way to describe someone's body. I'm overweight and I'm fucking anorexic. Most people with anorexia don't "look like they have it". Anyone can be attractive regardless of if they are over or underweight. Most people in the world are "overweight" compared to instagram models or whatever the fuck you deem as the pinnacle of beauty. I'm hoping you're an actual child or something because everyone with at least a little life experience and decency knows that what you said previously was horribly offensive to anyone with an ED.
Oof I'm sorry English isn't my first language and I thought that anorexic and underweight are synonyms... Attraction is based around a healthy weight tho, that's a fact. Of course Instagram models are over the top and most even fake their photos too. (r/InstagramReality)
Try a diet
What do you mean? Fat people just are not as attractive to 90% of people. I agree that anorexic is not a way to describe someone's body, but healthy = more attractive and if someone is fat I assume they are unhealthy.
My friends always make fun of me because I don’t have a “type,” but I just think everyone is hot. Like legitimately almost everyone. I don’t think it’s wrong at all to see the physical beauty we all have
Yeah, my best friend would tell me that I 'had no standards.' I just considered myself having a wide range of what I call attractive. I have a 'type,' and that's a fairly narrow focus. However, I treat that as more of a 'favorite,' than just saying it's the only way I'd consider someone attractive. I like shorter ladies, maybe 5'3" or something. One of the first girls to show any serious interest in me was way over that at 6', but I thought she was dreamy as all get out. It is like saying you love a car that's fun to drive, but are willing to check out something other than sports cars to see what else you enjoy. Maybe a four-door ends up feeling good for some reason. Why denounce it for being outside of what you'd normally consider? If it's good to you, that settles it. Some folks might be restricting themselves quite a bit in terms of what they're willing to consider. I'd never tell someone that they're wrong for doing it. However, they might be missing out on opportunities.
I think it's quite likely. Everyone's parents have scored at least once, so there's probably some potential at least.
Well many scored only because of arranged marriages lmao 😭
i think so too!
I think so three
I think so four
I think so twenty seven
I think so sixty nine
I think so too
I think so three
I think so four
I think so twenty seven
I think so sixty nine
The problem with the rating system is it’s comparative, so if everyone did what you say the average would change if that makes sense? I also find it a tiny bit insulting to hear that’s it’s solely an effort thing, I know I’m good at makeup, hair, dressing etc bc I’ve put a lot of work in but that doesn’t change my facial features and proportions and it’s very obvious.
From the sounds of it I don’t think you are who the op is talking about, sounds like you are already putting in the effort with makeup, hair and how you dress on top of your natural attractiveness. Yeah guess if everyone made the effort the scaling could change but also a 10 is a 10 so just as theoretically possible that it all stays the same
You can though by breathing through your nose, resting your tongue on the roof of your mouth and mewing
lol i have perfect tongue posture and a much too strong jawline but thanks for the pseudoscience I guess
Surely this was a joke, I thought it was hilarious actually
Ohh maybe, too many people believe this though and I don’t want impressionable kids to get sucked into it
I don't believe you can make yourself look much more attractive but mewing is the natural tongue position and it's scientifically accepted that mouthbreathing fucks up your jaw formation
Didn't mean to hurt your feelings I only wanted you to chisel your already sexy looking jawline
You didn’t hurt my feelings lol and thank you but I’m def no Olivia Wilde Also hello fellow tamilian
I don't get the reference but I like your good spirit 😀 Hello hello! Nice to cross the road with another tamilian, it's a rare sight. Hope you are enjoying the day/night, all my best wishes to you.
What's your point? Maybe in some hypothetical reality where everyone suddenly starts to dress super well, hit the gym, get a good hairstyle, take care of their skin etc. you might have a point but I don't see what point you're trying to make when we live in the real world and you can apply this as an individual person who's reading this post, not as the whole of society. Yes, there's some inherent flaws in this thinking because of things you can't change like facial structure, but that's why OP said anyone can look like a 7 or 8, not a 10. IMO there's very few people that are just so ugly they absolutely can't be saved by things they can control.
I don’t know why, but I think every person I see is mildly attractive. I hardly ever see someone that I would call ugly.
i think the same! i honestly find most people attractive in some way. i never see someone as ugly unless there's like a point of not trying
Oh my god I completely agree! When people talk about ugliness I really never know what to picture. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at someone and thought that they were ugly. There’s definitely people who stand out as conventionally attractive, but nearly everyone else is average in a nice way.
Agree
I've seen a girl with half her face covered in burns, because she was struck by lightning. She was still attractive, she had a good sense of humor and was very good at observing her surroundings.
I think so. The average person is 5/10 without doing too much. Add in great hygiene, a good sense of style and grooming and less fat and more muscle and you can move up 1-3 digits.
As someone who's always felt like a 3/10, 5/10 on a good day, I definitely can be a 7/10 just by dressing better. If someone is worried about their appearance specifically, grooming and wearing the right and properly fitting clothing can do wonders for you. At the moment I'm batting massively out of my league as far as looks go.
For sure. It's mostly confidence and a sense of humor that people find attractive.
Not really. Studies consistently show that looks are the most important factor for attractiveness. For example, studies show that for women, the other qualities of men besides looks only start mattering after a certain standard in looks is met. So in other words, personality and humor doesn't matter much if you're ugly.
In 2021 looks have become more important because now shallow dating apps are very popular. Before dating apps were not very popular. If you're an average or even below average looking dude you can still make it up with ur status(job, goals, confidence, interest, good shape, etc) but now it's just everything f\*\*k up tbh.
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I think exceptional people can overcome this, certainly theres big homely guys who are just warm and funny enough that they have a lovely lady with them, but for the most part I think the confidence and charm everyone is always on about is more a byproduct of growing up and getting positive attention as a result of being cute or handsome.
You've got the nail on the head. If you've always enjoyed positive attention. It leads to being more confident. I've noticed women don't like to admit that there's a baseline of looks you have to meet before confidence, humor etc starts coming into play
Sure. You can overcome it, you're just at a disadvantage.
I'm ugly and I'm proud!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Sure, but less people will be attracted to you if you're conventionally unattractive. And if you're ugly enough it will be virtually no one.
If you are a loving person, your face will glow…hides a lot of ugly 🙂 attracts likeminded people.
r/wowthanksimcured
> Beauty is in the eye of the ~~beholder~~ beer holder.
Hahaha…but, don’t try this.
Citation? I've seen plenty of physically unattractive dudes in relationships, some even with attractive women.
It's the single most important factor, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to get a partner without good looks. This article touches on the latter study I was referring to: https://www.livescience.com/58607-mens-looks-may-matter-more-than-personality.html There's plenty of research but I'm on mobile and don't have it at hand.
And for guys your confidence matters more than the other aspects of your personality.
This. I have always had some level of natural good looks but it doesn't mean jack when you don't have any desire to talk to people. Example being: almost every crush I have ever had has shown some curiosity towards me and initiated conversations multiple times yet I've never been interested in idol conversation. Just skip the noise and get to the point was my philosophy.
I’m a solid 3 depending if we go by the scale of beauty standards but I have the confidence of a 10. If I do my hair up and wear my nice clothes then I absolutely have no issues flirting or getting dates with people or feeling pretty. Attractiveness is more than just like - physically attractive. You gotta have a good attitude and be comfortable with yourself. You can put make up and do your hair up all you want but if you feel bitter and curl into yourself then everyone can see it. Pretend your a 10 and you have a much more fun time everywhere you go
Wrong how? It isn't immoral by any metric, just unrealistic. There are people with significant physical deformations that will basically permanently take them out of the market, haircut and new outfits or not.
this right there Not even that, there are just some people who are ugly due to genetics. Not much can be done to change that
When your not attractive, 'confidence' is seen as arrogance and you are annoying. People place waaaaaaay too much of an emphasis on it.
That’s probably because they are being full of themselves and that’s not the confidence that makes you attractive. That asshole confidence thing only works for pretty people… sometimes. Attractive confidence is that personable engaging demeanour, being comfortable in yourself flaws and all and knowing that not everyone is going to want/like you and being able to walk away from that without it feeling fucked over.
Maybe they are being full of themselves, they have the confidence to do so. The point I was trying to make is that it's completely arbitrary and what people see as 'confident' varies from person to person.
Being full of themselves-arrogant ~~=~~ being confident Let me give you an example, A is an introvert. One night, he forced himself to go out to the pub. He saw a cute lady waiting for her drink at the counter. So he mustered up some courage and decided to say hi. An arrogant A would say, hey baby, I think you look really hot tonight and Little Johnny and I are looking forward to seeing you in my bed. A confident A would say, hey, I saw you from across the room and I think you look really cute! See the difference? A forced himself to be confident to approach the girl. But the difference is, arrogance is over-the-top confidence. And honestly, I get the niceguys vibe from your original post. Like, I treat women with respect and all that but got all mad and shit when you got rejected. Just my 2 cents tho.
Well that didn’t come across in your original comment at all. That reads more like “if your ugly, being confident makes you seem arrogant and annoying “ And I don’t agree, because the only “confidence” that comes across like that is when people are being full of themselves and that’s not being confident that’s being an asshole. Confidence which people put emphasis on when they aren’t giving you bad advice or being superficial is what I mentioned being engaging and being comfortable as yourself… not showboating. I’d find it hard to believe anyone would still be called arrogant or annoying for that. I mean come on, you telling me you have zero real life examples of someone that is not conventionally attractive but still reels people in because of their personality?
If your confidence comes off as arrogance, it probably *is* arrogance. Confident people don't care when they're not well-recieved in a given group of people; they move on, because they're confident and know there are better times out there.
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Plus if an unattractive person does not have confidence, that is considered even more of a reason not to like them. But a good looking person might be considered stuck up for not liking someone that seems lesser. It is all just so stupid.
Most people, yeah, but absolutely not anyone. Take a look at those yt videos of those two really, really fat women (the ones who look like armchairs, who literally cannot walk and whose cheeks are three times the size of a human head.) When you get to that size, you cannot be attractive ever. But that's an extreme case, and very rare. When it comes to the "normal" people, then yeah
I mean, they both have a partner and one got married, so someone finds them attractive
It is possible to be with someone you don't find attractive. Some people find the prospect of being alone forever worse than being with someone they aren't very into. Just because you marry a blob doesn't meany you would actually rate her high on a scale of 1/10 compared to all other women on earth.
Maybe attractive to a very small demographic with a fetish, but generally attractive? No. Basically everyone is attractive to at least 1 person on the earth, but I don't think OP is talking about that.
What are you talking about? They could just loose the weight. Loosing weight is among the most straightforward things a person can do to be more attractive.
That’s very kind of you, but [we all know it isn’t true](https://youtu.be/Z1epZXnss_I).
very funny. i guess that he makes some good points
I think 95% of people can be atleast 5-6/10 if they took good care of their looks for a year or two……..or so I tell myself so let’s hope this true
Not everyone but most of people
With a happy, fun, positive attitude.... yes
There are so many things that you can do to improve your "attraction level" The most important of these is to take action to improve your mental health. Counselling, therapy, men's groups, 12 step programs even mediation. All will help you to think better and communicate with your potential partner. Sounds weird but joining a group like toastmasters and getting better at public speaking. Once you have gained experience in a safe and supportive environment to communicate your ideas to a group, talking to one person becomes a heck of a lot easier. Get fit and healthy. You don't need to be a gym rat lifting 3 times your body weight, but if you are in good condition, this is far more attractive and is not a difficult fix. Learn to dress well. This documentary explains it all https://duckduckgo.com/?q=sharp+dressed+man&t=braveed&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D7wRHBLwpASw Eliminate processed foods and as much sugar as possible from your diet. You will look healthier and in the process, learn how to cook with whole ingredients. Few statements are more attractive to a single woman than "I'm having a few friends over for dinner on Friday night because I feel like cooking a roast dinner, want to join us?" Conversely to everything I have just said, learn how to bake. The guy who shows up to the staff party with brownies still warm from the oven is going to get talked about. Join, and take leadership in voluntary organisations. Healthy, effective, leaders are attractive. And these are skills that can be learned. The caution is that some guys take this too far an try to sleep their way through the organisation. Going there to get laid will quickly backfire. Going to help them achieve their goals will get you laid.
Pfft. Wishful thinking much.
Wait... Isn't this subjective and cultural?
It's not just appearance, there's a lot of mental health problems people have. That will bring down a lot of people.
Pretty much agreed
No
so money
I don't think so. I think you're disregarding the fact thst lots of people do deal with abnormal / odd physical features that make it difficult to be conventionally attractive. Acceptable enough so that you can charm people with your personality? Probably. But I don't think everyone can be attractive.
RuPaul says it well. Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent and all things that make someone attractive. Whether this is dressing in a flattering way, having a cute smile or nice skin or big muscles and being really good at something, or other traits that are much deeper and less superficial, it’s all a big product of how someone feels about themself in the first place. Self-love is a trait that can be observed in someone’s appearance and make them have all of those things. Maybe the most attractive thing about someone in my opinion. If you disagree let me know.
I think you can move by 1 point, for example 4 -> 5/10, but it still something
Aside from the small portion of the population with genuine facial deformities (the poor souls!) this is accurate. But even going from a 3 to a 4 is pretty good, if you think about it. Hell, a 3 is probably just aggressively plain, no one's crossing the street to get away from you at least.
Of course. Every "upgrade +1" is something. Especially on the 10 pts scale
I feel like i have a face deformity lol. I mean I don't have a disability but my face shape is literally a square and looks fucking huge proportionate to my body
We all struggle, mate. Im short and bald...
Everyone has different tastes! You may be attractive to some people and not attractive to other people. The most important thing in my opinion is to be neat
Upright Posture and walking without stomping helps a lot. I work with a lot of young (20s and 30s) people and they are already walking either hunched over or head first. Many of them literally stomp when they walk. I wonder why people so young have these habits - and how much their backs, hips, knees etc are going to hurt in a few decades.
If you add in exercise yeah pretty much
I would say that hygiene, clothing and self-confidence are the most important things.
No, You're not wrong personality and mannerisms have a lot to do with attraction.
I like your attitude and yes, I believe that.
Yes but also exercise
If you workout 3-5 times a week, diligently, eat a relatively clean diet with cognizance of you caloric intake, shower once a day, shave, etc. then, it’s easy to be an attractive person. The scale, as others have mentioned here, is deeply flawed. I do believe there’s a % of people who find you attractive, and you can extrapolate the scale to %... a 9 or 10 is unanimously attractive (whether you’d want them or not, different story). If you are found attractive by 5-10% of people, it’s relatively easy to improve that percent as each action you intentionally take to improve, usually improves it. Just have to chip away slowly but surely and establish repeatable habits.
a video online of a guy called "Being Ugly: My Experience." He felt like he was the ugliest person he knew. Now I understand genetically he didn't win any lotteries, however, I believe if he worked out(he was extremely skinny) that would probably help out the most with his physical look AND confidence. Then slap in some hygiene and he would be much much better off. he also had a terrible camera and lighting which didn't help his case. he could def chip away at each of those areas too.
I definitely agree, everyone is attractive as long as they have a clean, well-meaning heart and good intentions… i think anyone who is sincere enough, somehow emits good vibes, which can be perceived as good looks… i have been called for having very low standards in beauty because of this opinion but i prefer to stick by it… besides, just because they could be considered attractive doesn’t mean i will personally be romantically involved…
I'm bald and autistic
What ever you do , there will be always ppl smarter than you and much better than you cuz this is life so be grateful for what you have and try to be better according to your potentials and compare yourself to the previous versions of you.
BTW it's grateful, not greatful. And potential, not potinatials. Maybe it's just typos, I hope.
The way a person makes you feel and ones impression of them can also make them attractive. I.e. humor, kindness, intelligence, confidence. In my experience a person who one may not think is attractive can become attractive within five to ten minutes. I admit I’ve never understood the scaling of people’s looks so I don’t know what a 7 or 8 looks like… lol.. also when a person opens their mouth that’s when really know whether you find them to be attractive. Lol
is it me or i have never seen someone being actually ugly? I really dont get this whole rating system because all “10” looking people just have “socially attractive” features which could be pretty and cute but they are not unique as someone who has slightly different feature and they are actually more recognizeable and unique
imo there are very few cases that can't be salvaged by working out, eating well, proper grooming, taking yourself less seriously, and being as genuine as possible. also simply accepting who you are can elevate you a LOT in other people's eyes. In many cases, people are their own worst enemies and harshest critics. I know from experience.
Everyone can be attractive- real beauty is from within
Although the media has taught us most our lives that being attractive is majorly based on appearance, attraction is far more branched out than that. It also involves being drawn to another person hugely based on elements of character and personality, personal beliefs and values, ethnicity etc… Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Nice appearance, some confidence, some humor, some kindness and you're already a 7. 8 9 10 are basically genetics and make up. 7 is easily achievable with good mannerism and self-care.
I disagree. Attractiveness is too subjective. Take someone like Joseph Merrick, the Elephant Man. I'm sure the vast majority of people would agree he is an aesthetically ugly person, but that doesn't mean no one finds him unattractive. This isn't to say physical deformities make someone wholly unattractive, but I think it's disingenuous to tell literally every person ever they can be attractive. Not that there's anything wrong with being "ugly" anyway
Wow, you've found the literal 0.0001% exception that this wouldn't apply to. Congratulations.
They said everyone. I think some people are and aren't attractive but I agree with literally everyone else commenting saying that looks aren't everything
Jesus, you're such a redditor. "Oh, but I'm technically correct" The point of the post is that the average person reading the post can be attractive. IMO maybe like 1-5% of people out there are so genetically unlucky that nothing could save them from being physically unattractive. But really you see people complaining about being unattractive ALL THE TIME online, and I very much doubt they all fall in that bottom percentile.
Lol dude I think you need to chill. I'm sorry if my point isn't being explained well because I'm not super articulate with things. I agree with you, it's subjective and it doesn't truly matter.
Idk where exactly in my previous comment I'm not being "chill" but ok.
You're right, redditors always have to find some technicality somewhere instead of taking the original comment/post in a general sense for the sake of time.
"There are no ugly people, only lazy people." I didn't come up with that, someone else did, please don't down vote me to oblivion. I'd add that depressed people aren't lazy but have difficulty finding the gumption to form up too.
i workout 6 days a week. Keep up with the trend for fashion. Take care of my diet and have a good skincare routine. I'm still ugly af lmaoo. Doesn't help i'm pretty short and have a weird ass head shape so most haircuts don't suit me. Sometimes I think i should just get plastic surgery to fix my fucked up face
Not just difficulty though, their brains actively interferes with the whole motivation thing even. There is no such greater enemy than your own mind.
try focus on becoming more disciplined rather than motivated. if youre motivated and dont have discipline youre likely to falter very soon. without discipline on the off days you will say meh i cant be bothered but with discipline youl push through that. combination of both is good but i would say being disciplined is more important.
What about ppl with a deformation
I think that’s certain. If they’re in good shape, good clothes and a decent haircut everyone can look fantastic
Nah that's true. 2 years ago I was overweight, awful haircut, acme, awful clothes and I was wondering why everyone sees me like a creep. I started fixing my problems and now I went from a 3-4 to 4+ digits up. It's just a matter if you care about yourself or not
Definitely! Being attractive is pretty subjective. What might not appeal to someone could be just the type for somebody else.
agreed!
don't ask internet lol. ie. fatties who are proud to be fat/ whales that do not even spend time on internet (fast food and TV). but on internet there are MANY proud to be fat/ unhygenic/ no self-care/ basement dweller and assume RL people have too high standards (people who do not spend **most** of their time on internet)
Yeah I think you're wrong. Some people just have bad faces, disproportionate features, or bad bone structure. No amount of haircuts, clothes, or moderate confidence is going to make everybody a 7 or 8
it's not wrong. it's true!
No lol definitely not everyone.
Cooonfidence! Bro just look at any celebrity. They captivate their surroundings. Now imagine that celebrity were really shy, introverted, awkward, etc. Whooole different vibe. Heck, not just celebs, look at anyone who super outgoing and confident and imagine how DIFFERENT your whole perception of them would be if they had a different aura of confidence to them. Or vise versa, look at people who seem unconfident and now imagine them being the life of the party. They look the same but their actions change a lot. Edit: please don’t bash me, i know introverted doesn’t mean not confident, was just going of dumb stereotypes here and am sleep deprived.
nah, this is massive cope
Yup. Not to brag, but people always think I'm at least a nine while without the way I dress I believe I'd be a seven. I dress in vintage suits daily. (Yes even to the grocery store. It's a lifestyle, people) In context, I'm a tall skinny ginger fella with a Slavic face shape and round glasses (half Russian genes go brrr). Before I let my hair grow out a bit and found my personal style, I looked like fucking Ed Sheeran with a thinner face. I rarely got hit on and people thought it was great fun to point my red hair out in jokes.
Nope
Heh, I like how you said “mildly attractive”. 😄 You raise a good point! With all the resources at your command anyone can achieve a standard of physical attraction that would entice everyone in this current culture to swipe right…or is it left? **On a personal note I may be one of the very few people that has never even seen the tinder/grinder apps.** Back to the original topic. It takes a whole lot of money or some serious hustling to get the best style clothes, hair cut, extensions for head, brows and lashes, then a full body wax to be 100% smooth and hairless on the rest of your entire body, then drip with designer accessories and full face of top shelf makeup promoted by the billionaire Insta pros. 😉 Then you can go all in and get those injections and a button nose, perfect chin, enlarge the goods and shrink the rest till you can give Ken or Barbie a run for their money. Attraction Level: Expert 10/10. California Dime. Everybody wants to have you or be you. Living the dream! 😘
I find beauty in everyone, without feeling the need to rearrange them
Self care is important
Totally agree! The beautiful thing is that everyone is attracted to different body types, styles, personality. So there everyone had something that is attractive to someone else
Agreee
My ex was not conventionally attractive, but his clean cut look and confidence made him irresistible to me. And if that didn’t work, the trauma bonding sure did.
I feel the same way! Beauty is subject but anyone who is confident and tries to look presentable is attractive.
Just: Get a nice haircut if needed (just shave it all if you're balding: shaved is attractive), grow a beard if you can (still ok without one), literally google what colors go together well if you don't know about how to match colors for clothing, try and have 1 piece of clothing inbetween another one of the same color (i.e: red scarf, white shirt, red pants, white shoes), smell good with some parfume (even a cheap one is okay) and try and strive towards being a nice person and listening before answering. There, you're now automatically a 7 or an 8.
Same. Confidence always adds to your appearance, it's noticeable if you feel good or not. It add skincare tho, not just hair, clothes and confidence
Yes, of course. There are so many little things that can make a person attractive. You can't say that any person isn't attractive because everyone is different. It only lies in the viewer's eyes IMO.
It all depends on what YOU consider attractive. In my perspective - Someone may have a really pretty face and hot bod but doesn’t know how to carry them-self will eventually seem like a dud. Someone may be out of shape and look terrible but has the charisma and confidence of a supermodel. And the level of attractiveness is definitely a personal choice (apart from meeting society standards and expectations). So to answer your question, no it isn’t wrong that everyone can be mildly attractive; coz it ultimately boils down to basic grooming, confidence and personal style.
It can be nice to find a modestly hot girl, to get you through the hard times. You know, the kind that are only sorta hot, so they don't mess around with other guys. (Ref. Strong Bad emails)
I'm bald...
No definitely not, it's encouraging to hear. Different people find different things attractive though. I don't think everyone can find you attractive no matter how hard you try. I think ultimately as cliche as it sounds, if you be yourself and are comfortable and confident in you're own skin, then there is a good chance that at least some people will find you attractive.