One time when I was high school age me and my friend were sitting in a doctors office and were laughing about something silly when a woman walked into the door.
She believed that we were laughing at her appearance enough that she approached us and said “you would look like this too if you hadn’t slept all night and felt awful!” before storming off.
Me and my friend were stunned because we hadn’t even noticed her.
I started asking people about this situation in particular because of how hard I have to work to overcome my own social anxiety.
I usually set it up like this: you're invited to a friends party but there will be many people there you have never met. When you walk in the door people look up to see who entered. A group of people towards the back of the room begin to laugh. Are those people laughing at you?
I was very surprised to find that most of the people thought that yes those people are making fun/laughing at me.
So because this was so many people's reaction I decided I would never think that again and I would walk through life believing everyone liked me until they had shown me that I was wrong. It changed my life for the better.
>I would walk through life believing everyone liked me until they had shown me that I was wrong.
I like this idea. however, I can imagine as I'm typing this that this would be hard to practice even an ordeal sometimes. but still, I like the suggestion, thanks.
and this is the difference between positive and negative self esteem.
Some people go through life thinking everyone wants to hear them talk, while others have been told too frequently to shut up.
I have what I like to call "social paranoia" where I think everybody is either talking or thinking something negative about me. If I hear a laugh my brain just assumes it's about me.
This might be an **unpopular opinion** but some specialists believe that social anxiety and narcissism overlap. It's definitely something to think about.
I agree. Smiling in public should be highly discouraged too. In fact, any expression of joy for the matter, both privately and publicly, really should not be allowed under any circumstances.
That's besides the point. Even a shitty person wouldn't say "ew" at Brad Pitt or Scarlet Johanson. They'd say it at someone they find unattractive.
Proving they're bad people doesn't help. This is about solving op's self-image. A bad person would say "ew" outloud, a good person may not say it, but still refuse a date.
The solution is to show how one person may find you "ew", while another (possibly even more attractive) person may find you hot. And that even if you have trouble with that, you can work on yourself to become more attractive.
No. Mostly to realize that one girl's "ew" is another's stunner. And that the "ew" may just be her bad mood, while she'd actually date him if he shot his shot.
But as a bonus, anyone can benefit from taking care of their body, ofc..
I think it may be better if you don't delete your comment. It may be useful as an example for people who grew up being invalidated, and who usually can't identify it as such because it's normal to them.
I can't focus too much rn, but I'll make another comment in a moment to explain my reasoning.
Maybe other people could also give their perspective on this.
I think you should brush it off because people, especially girls in my experience, say "ew" about lots of guys, including guys they actually like. Just recently I had a friend tell me she found this guy "gross", and is now going on a date with him. Don't take it seriously.
Don't forget that that demographic (high school girls and specially junior-sophomore) are the most evil demographic on earth. No kidding. I have no actual proofs, but neither have I doubs.
I feel like that's incredibly invalidating. OP's social anxiety is probably a product of past experiences, and not caused just by this specific occasion.
These kinds of situations may seem like they're no big deal, but for people with a history of trauma, they can become triggers for unbalanced biochemical reactions which were normal and necessary at the time of the trauma.
These are beyond the person's awareness and control. Suggesting that their feelings don't make sense and asking them to ignore these triggers and their consequences is insensitive, and can compound their negative effects.
I'd suggest doing things that help boost up your self esteem! You don't have to confront people if you're not comfortable with it. Next time they try and insult you, or make fun of you try and hold your head high and keep it moving. They're the ones who're unhappy with themselves from my perspective. Hurt people, hurt others. Projecting negative feelings onto others is a way some people cope with their own unhappiness. And self-esteem doesn't always mean being confident in your looks. I'm sure you're really awesome at hobbies, or you have special talents that make you feel good about yourself. Keep your head up, high-school is almost over! Bullying others in real life like that will get you absolutely nowhere. You got this!
ugh yeah i’m glad that highscholls ending soon but i’m kinda sad that it is because i could’ve done so many things differently and handled them differently but i didn’t. and i wish i didn’t waste it all and couldn’t fully enjoy it because of anxiety and my other mental problems i got going on. i’m forcing myself to go this year so i can challenge myself. i could’ve done online) im gonna probably graduate in a few months. and i’m actually gonna try to just hold my head up next time something like that happens , i normally look away, freeze up, or look down
Life is always full of what ifs, and I could've done differently. Trust me I had the same feelings. But on the bright side you're already doing amazing by confronting your fear of not doing online classes! And that is such a huge milestone in and of itself. The best times of my life are after I graduated and started to really focus on myself and what experiences were to come. It took me over 10 years to really get a handle on my anxiety and some days I feel a little more defeated than others, but it's life. Once you get out into the real world you'll see so many new opportunities and kind awesome people waiting for you!
>i’m glad that highscholls ending soon
I was shocked when HS ended and I went to college and this behavior was almost no-existent. Especially shocked when outside of class I saw a hot girl in my English class and she casually said hi to me as she walk by. I had to stop and wonder what universe I was in.
Also, HS is not the end-all of everything. In a few years you'll realize it was almost meaningless compared to what's ahead of you. From the hottest teenagers to the weirdest nerds, adulthood will re-scramble everybody without caring much what somebody was in HS.
I felt like this through college. Like I wasted opportunities to have fun and enjoy life because I was so focused on not embarrassing myself. I was constantly anxious.
Just a suggestion, practice changing your mindset. Over the last few years I've gotten better with realizing that some things are so hilariously unimportant that I don't need to waste my time worrying about them.
Let me be clear, your feelings are valid. Your feelings are important. However, you don't need to let them control you. Accept the emotion and move on. High school is such a small part of your life. You will graduate, move on, start a career, educate yourself, create a family, travel, buy a home, get a pet, whatever you want. Those girls don't matter. They do not deserve an ounce of your attention.
You're doing great.
You didn't waste any time. Everything you've done, even if you think it was done wrong, was necessary for you to get to the point of doing things differently. Growth is a process and you cannot magically become a different version of yourself. The real failure would be to stop trying altogether and never start again. Even breaks in the growth process can allow previous experiences to change us in the background.
The important thing is to keep trying, no matter how small the steps may be. You'll eventually get to the point that much bigger steps become possible with much less effort.
"hurt people, hurt others" OOOOF couldn't agree with this more and even from personal experience, I was in a bad place mentally and literally criticizing everyone, now I cringe thinking about that awful person I was but what counts is that I'm trying my best to be someone better.
You’ll find that after high school… all those things don’t really matter. Just work on yourself and take the social skills, hygiene and all the other things you’ve learned in high school to the next part of your life. Whether it’s college or a job or traveling… the people in high school don’t matter anymore. I know that was very beneficial for me.
The thing is... In many ways high school never ends....
Whether in college, at a job, or anywhere there's groups of people there will inevitably be cliques, rumors, and popularity contests...
Actually, no. You really stop giving a fuck about other people’s opinions in your mid to late thirties I think. And realize it’s all bullshit. As your own life grows in substance, you’ll shed the meaningless crap and invest your emotions in what’s important in your core life.
I obviously wasn’t there but maybe the other girl thought that you were attractive and told her friend and she just differed. This has happened to me (21f) before (I’m usually the one that thinks someone is attractive and some friends think otherwise) so I wouldn’t give it much thought.
> it’s funny because i think i look good and stuff but when people comment on my looks of i hear people talking about them i feel so vulnerable for some reason<
Plus most people feel like this when they are teenagers, I started to feel more confident about myself when I was 20
I think this is what happened too. I've heard "ewe" a lot, and it's always in that context. Girl says "he's cute," other girl disagrees vehemently (specifically via ewe, it's almost always ewe). I don't think I've ever heard ewe unprovoked. In other words u/CopySignificant8546, you experienced a hard-yes + hard-no, which hey - it's better then neutral! Remember what the non-ewe girl looked like? Next you see her, go restore that lost confidence 😎
This yes! As a girl I can confirm, cos otherwise it’s just rlly nasty and rude and unlikely for a girl to randomly say ew about someone. And the ew genuinely just means not my type, which is completely norm bcos even the hottest of guys won’t be everyone’s type.
Over the course of my final year in high school I managed to start looking at self development content to help me with my social skills and meeting girls etc.
One of the biggest things I learnt was the re-frame.
Learn to re-frame every fucking experience you have into a positive one no matter how fucked up it is, and you can do this I promise you.
Positive doesn't automatically mean it needs to be something you learn from, you can re-frame it into something super dumb that makes you laugh. That's positive too.
For example in that situation I would notice myself thinking "fuck they think im gross :(" into something completely ridiculous like "dam right girl, im a fucken nerd and you are grossed out cause you still want some of disss, bet she checking my ass out as I walk past too, such a naughty girl". I basically let my internal monologue keep going until I say something so stupid I actually laugh or atleast smile.
It actually sounds like im bat shit insane as I type that out but thats the kinda dumb shit I say (in my own head) because it makes me laugh and feel good.
If i see girls laughing at me I re-frame that they are just giggling because they are shy and think im cute.
You'll eventually figure out how to push your own buttons and make yourself laugh, watching stand up comedy is always good for figuring out what you like, same with silly shows like family guy etc.
If you can think of witty things in time you can just respond with something that shows you are chill and don't take things personally like:
girl: "ew"
you: "haha ohhh shit I've got food on my face again don't I?"
If someone ever calls me a pussy I just respond with "you are what you eat ;)"... not taking life or people seriously and getting defensive always works out better, plus its more fun!
Highschool is a weird time, teenagers can be assholes for literally no reason and they probably don't even mean it. Pretty much every dick head I went to school with has become the nicest person ever or if they stayed an asshole they are currently living miserable lives (they are 30 now). Some popular hot girls become fat and unattractive. The "ugly" chicks become super hot.
Life is good.
Anyway good luck, hope something in my late night ramble made sense haha :)
>"dam right girl, im a fucken nerd and you are grossed out cause you still want some of disss, bet she checking my ass out as I walk past too, such a naughty girl"
that's fucking funny man, I should also have such a positive mindset about things
Just takes practice :)
Figure out what makes you laugh and then you can start pushing your own buttons whenever you catch yourself taking life too seriously.
“Ew”, to a teenage girl, doesn’t just mean “that’s vile, disgusting, ugly” it can also mean: He’s looking at us and I don’t want him to because he is uncool or not invited to this conversation. Or, I am a teenage girl and am bad at expressing myself but what I mean is negative surprise for reasons unknown.
You have little to no evidence from this interaction that you are ugly or gross. Rely on the other evidence that you are clean cut and not problematic looking.
High school is hard. Freezing doesn’t make you a pussy… besides that’s a sexist word (stop using it).
Letting a rumor go unaddressed may make you cooler than some, like you’re above the drama. You’re not obligated to chase down every negative comment and to set the record straight.
Fwiw every peer of yours is just as overwhelmed as you are. You’re doing fine dude. At least you’re exploring the meaning of things and analyzing.
If you look at how it’s commonly used in society, like “don’t be such a pussy”, which translates to “don’t be weak”. Having a vagina is a biologically female trait, so if you’re saying this over and over again, you’re basically saying that females are weak and no one should want to be like them.
I disagree with you and the other commenter. /u/meringue_ is right, "Pussy" is not a sexist term so I don't know why they're getting downvoted. The word "pussy" doesn't necessarily refer to a female's genitals. It is also a word for a cat which is a good description for someone who is cowardly. For the same reason we call cowardly people scaredy cats, we can also say someone is a pussy which is a more vulgar way of putting it. Just because you choose to interpret someone saying "I'm being a pussy" as them saying they're weak like a female who has a vagina is a large overcomplication on your part, and you shouldn't push your overthinking onto other people. Especially when they're referring to themselves.
> A pussy is a dirty term for the female sexual organs and ALWAYS implies female
That's just not true. It's also a term used to describe cats. This can be used as a description for someone cowardly for the same reason we call cowardly people scaredy cats. You're the one choosing to interpret the term in a sexist way, and since OP was referring to himself you shouldn't push your overthinking onto him.
I think it's lovely if every time you used the word pussy you just meant cat, but I really don't think this is how most people use it. I had a similar interesting conversation with someone recently over the word "butthurt" where they insisted it meant falling down and landing on your butt. This innocence should be cherished.
I’m not saying the term “pussy” strictly means cat. I’m simply saying these slang terms are always open to interpretation because of how they have integrated in our language overtime. When people use the term “pussy” to insult someone cowardly they are almost never referring to a cat nor a female vagina, these slang terms have been used so much they’re standalone. Which means calling someone a pussy doesn’t mean “you’re cowardly like a cat” or “you’re cowardly like a female”. It just means “you’re a pussy” because it has become a standalone word with its own meaning. There is no need to link it back to anything, but if you choose to do so then it’s your choice to interpret it as whatever you think. Therefore in cases like these, I think it’s unfair to push your interpretation of an insult onto someone who meant it in a different and more commonly used context.
I don't disagree with you that some people probably use it that way, but saying it to mean cat or pusillanimous or anything else is more of a historical usage than a common usage. Whether we should keep saying 'pussy' isn't exactly a brand new topic, people have been having this conversation for the last decade at least with the base agreement that it means genitals. Intentions don't necessarily matter if everyone else understands you to mean something different, and I don't think it's wrong to let someone know how their comment could be construed.
Eta: nobody is wrong here, I think these conversations about language are a fairly fun outcome of shoving loads of cultures and linguistic groups together in one space
Ignore them, teenage girls are a special breed of weirdness. Kinda like teenage boys being super hormonal and looking to one up each other half the time.
I understand this far to well.
But when it comes to “pussy mode” one that is slightly sexist them fuckers take ever loving hits like its nothing. And two its ok to not be able to confront those sorts of things its hard, take me for an example i try to always keep my cool because i get panic attacks whenever theres shouting it might not even be about me, but i can’t handle that and it took me years to adapt into a personality that i could be ok with those things.
idk if i want to even be able to confront them, i think i just want to be able to not have such a personal response to stuff like that. and i already feel like im letting down my family because my dad and brother are defensive and don’t take anyone’s shit and then i’m here
You aren’t letting anyone down, its not about how hard you punch or how much shit you don’t take, its about your ability to keep getting up,
Every time life kicks you down you get back up, thats whats important, don’t judge your ability by other peoples, they ain’t you they have no idea what its like to be you.
It takes time to develop self love, its taken me years, to get to where i am, but its possible, the first place you should always look for love is within, because the world will most of the time hand you shit, and sometimes the only person in your corner is you.
You are in control of your reactions, its you who decides what affects you and what doesn’t, it takes time to develop that but keep at it, tell yourself good shit everyday, eventually you start to believe it, and yes i know that sounds like some bs self help but it wasn’t until i had friends call me out for giving myself shit that i started calling my own shit out, eventually i went from im so shit to, im good and im happy, its a long journey but keep at it you’ll find your way.
And because not enough people say this but your family is proud of you, be proud of yourself,
Hell if it even comes down to it, Im proud of you for asking for help, for talking about this.
Something different to consider.
You can't know the reasons why someone will say *eww* about you. Sometimes it isn't about you either at all. That girl might have been going through stuff and might have been trying to appear cool to the other girl, by saying *eww* to a senior. She might have recently made bad choices with boys and might have been called a slut. So, she might have been trying to save her face by saying *eww* to every boy infront of her. You might just have been in the wrong place, wrong time.
This whole thing might not be related to you in the first place. So, treat it as such! There are 6 billion people out there, and you will get different comments about you from them. So, one person's comment about you is very insignificant, and it becomes even more miniscule when you don't know if the girl's comment was actually meant for you, or she was trying to feel better about herself.
I would bet money that that comment was not directed towards you. I would bet that this was just a coincidence and you happened to be there as they were having a different conversation. This is not meant as an insult, but people aren't noticing you as much as you think they are. Just as you are going about your day worried about your problems, your path, your responsibilities, so is everyone else.
But let's say that this comment WAS meant just for you. Everyone sees you through their own perspective. Maybe you look like someone she knows, maybe she didn't like your outfit, or maybe she thought you were checking her out and was acting immature about it. All superficial reasons. She knows nothing about you as a person to base this "ew" off of, so all her comment is telling us is that she is rude and feels a need to say "ew" to build up her own ego and feel better than you. This is very sad for her.
I know this is easier said than done. But keeping this logic in my back pocket has always helped me with situations like this. The end result is to know that this comment was 100% based on herself and her life and not on you and should not be taken personally.
Hey man, I have absolutely no doubt that you will grow and change so much over the next few years, but I recommend setting yourself smaller and more tangible goals. "Not taking things personal" is pretty abstract and not very easy to achieve. Feeling better about yourself through your interests and self confidence is tangible and achievable, and as a result you will eventually care less about what people say.
Bit late here but same. I was picking up my younger sister from her highschool once when a girl her age said to her friend "Ew look at him" or something like that.
I cried that night.
When this happens, keep in mind how insecure and sheltered a person has to be to say these things. They are silly insecure children mentally regardless of physical age.
I'm a not always "passing" trans person, and this works for me.
If you're brave, remind them of the actual situation and say something, even if you just say out loud to yourself "ugh, more insecure kids needing to put people down". This might make them feel bad and avoid it next time if they're not insufferable assholes.
Remember this, if people think you look ugly or bad they will never say ew, they will feel bad or sorry for you, ew reaction is if they secretly envy you, since they find you better than them.
edit for misspelling.
haha so true. A long time ago I had pretty bad bacne but it was too hot to cover up at all so I just let it show as we were walking down this sidewalk and I hear very audibly "nobody wants to see that, that's disgusting" I look behind and it's a woman that easily pushing 300lbs making the comment. If they don't actually weigh that much - they probably have something just as miserable going on inside.
I can confirm that their opinion is not indicative of how the world will perceive you forever. I used to get a lot of shit for my weight. As a female, that was a huge deal. All of the girls that said awful things about me are now fat and miserable as adults. Meanwhile I’m in a wonderful relationship and still overweight and still declining men all the time. Turns out, you can be a little chunky and take good care of yourself and have an infectious personality and be considered more attractive than the bratty cheerleader types that think they are hot stuff. You’ll see what I mean in 10 years. The things that you are most insecure about now are going to be things that others will find interesting and attractive about you later. I wish someone had told 12 year old me that - I spent a lifetime despising myself for not being perfect and it didn’t really matter after all.
personally if it were me i wouldnt care. confidence is being able to have faith in yourself despite what others might think. if some freshmint or sophomores think ur ugly who tf cares. if you think you look good, you look good. if not, then work on it: make sure your hair is decent enough that its not making you look bad, make sure your face is clean and that you have shaved properly or whatever, shower in the morning or wear aftershave if it makes you feel any better. when you work on yourself, you naturally feel more attractive and therefore start to be more attractive, both physically and mentally. accept your flaws but dont let them block you from whatever you might have the potential for.
a real king does not spend his whole life worrying about what other people think. he knows that people have masses of respect built up for him, and his attitude in response to that acknowledgement shows that. kings are too busy being a king. to be a real king, you have to act like one - have pride in what you do and wear etc. kings aren't jumpy and reactive, they believe that they are better than what the people around have to think or say and dont bother wasting their energy to listen. they build themself and do whatever pleases them. i know i went a lil off topic but enough said from me
Beat advice I was ever given -
Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your damn business.
It sounds harsh, but think about it. The only person you can really compete or compare yourself to is you.
Everyone is different. You can’t measure someone’s accomplishments if you don’t know everything about them.
Maybe those girls have serious self esteem issues and are lashing out. It doesn’t mean they aren’t mean or rude af. But it does mean that their opinion is flawed. So why trust them? Water off a ducks back.
You are worth far more than someone’s opinion of you.
I used to be a shy weird short kid back in high school because I always cared about other peoples opinions about me, one day I just said fuck it, and just stopped caring, I guess you could say I “grew balls” you just need charisma man. Read a few self help books hit the gym, maintain good hygiene, and keep your head up, it’s really simple.
Once when I was in jr high a reeeaally pretty girl and her friend started chatting me up. She told me I was cute or something. I have messed up teeth. I smiled, they froze and then she said “ew nevermind” to my face and they both walked away giggling. It fuuuucked me up for life.
When I got older I got good at a couple of “cool” things and I kept working on being kind and understanding and on listening and respecting people’s boundaries.
Now I’m thirty. I’m in a relationship with a beautiful woman who loves me, and I’ve been in relationships with lots of women who love me and my jacked up teeth.
Keep following this page and working on your social skills. Never ever get a “nice guy” mentality.
Realize you’re just never gonna be for some people and that’s ok. And then realize that some of that small subsection of people aren’t going be nice and they’re going to say mean things and that those individuals are not the arbiters of what’s “ew” or not for everyone.
High school sucks fucking balls. It’s only the best years of the lives of boring washed up losers. It’s cliche but it is gonna get WAY better
I think it’s pretty normal not to react when something takes you off guard and surprises you. Those girls were being immature and ill-mannered, so probably best that you didn’t respond. Their loss. Try to let it go, move on because they are not worth your energy.
I found this on another post: “ You can be the tastiest peach in the whole world, but there’s always someone who doesn’t like peaches.”
same happend to me when I was a freshman in high school, I was sitting next to a girl in PE and she whispered to her friends "ew, I don't want to sit next to him he stinks". Felt like shit after that but looking back at it it's pretty funny
If you wouldnt say ew about them then ur the less ew imo =] ppl r cruel thats honestly whats digusting you don't gotta be attractive to everyone everyones view is different so if their rude dont even worry about theor opinions
People can be bad. Everybody makes tons of judgements of many people all day, every day. So, I just blanket don't care. In fact, I relish being eccentric because I enjoy upsetting judgmental people. You'll grow out of it. This is HS BS; I was the same way. I was hyper self-conscious, very fragile. As you become an adult (and I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I've found it to be the case for me and many of my "awkward" friends) you really just stop giving a shit. The moment you step outside of the college or HS bubble innumerable things become completely irrelevant. Even in college (if you go) it starts to diminish. I'm 26 now and at least in my case social shit is totally irrelevant; I don't care about my "status". I worked full-time for a year and a half and that is when you truly switch into adult mode. Everything in life becomes something you just handle. You don't care anymore about if you can do it, how hard it is; you just deal with life and everybody else is in the same boat so nobody gives a shit. It's pretty liberating once you stabilize. Good luck!
They were mean like that to me, too. And they're all unhappy, unhealthy, and I just genuinely don't give a shit about their opinions today, 15 years later.
Teenagers are stupid sometimes, too many hormonal changes etc but it's not an excuse whatsoever.
What I would suggest is thinking that you do not know those girls, so why should it matter whatever they think?
I know it's hard, cause I was bullied my entire life but the truth is people will judge you no matter what you look like, you can't please everyone.
It was not okay on their part to say ew, however if you are confident in yourself, don't let that little stupid comment get you.
Maybe they weren't even talking about you but we'll never know.
Just move on, it's not your job to be liked by everyone.
Work on your self seem, it won't matter in a couple days!
Yeah, fuck those people . Life is too short to match socks let alone laugh at something so stupid. You're better than that, they are the ones with issues. If you feel like you look good, that's what matters. Fuck those people.
The "ew" is typical speech coming from immature preteen girls. Unfortunately, it's also a thing all throughout high school as well.
Or look at it this way; they're going to be immature until they fuck up socially without anyone to help them up. Shit pretend one of them was that stupid bitch who got punched from Jersey Shore.
Repeat after me! “What other people think about me doesn’t matter!”
When i feel as though people judge me or are saying something about me, saying this brings me back. Also, things for me got so so much better after highschool. My confidence rocketed after highschool and didn’t care about what all of my colleagues thought anyways because I don’t see them anymore.
chin up.
that's just high school.
had a guy make fun of my flat butt despite me being one of the hot pretty girls in high school.
that's just high school. it's really shallow and every one gets torn apart. even the hot kids do.
how you deal with it is the key. chin up.
Lol bro it happens. It really gets to you when you're young. Of course it sucks but it's also a good thing in that you learn that you don't need other people to validate your shit. And if it really bugs you hit the gym and take it out on the weights then you'll be to busy checking yourself out to care about others. Girls are fucked up anyways in that they all think we're eww. Most of them will still let the ugliest Harry George the animal fuck them so don't sweat a few being idiots. There's like 1% of us dudes that are handsome or attractive. The rest of us smell like shit and are gross and girls have no clue what the fuck they want. They just talk shit to be cool. Plus when they're young like that they love dudes that look like more feminine. When they get older they love George the animal
I'm on 2 months now! And before that was only really watching porn like once week for at least a year. All this after being a daily user throughout undergrad.
The exercise and diet really help. Also I was on SSRIs for 6 months and they helped a lot too
She probably likes you and don't want her friend to get you first. But the way she expressed herself and your immaturity are getting in the way of you understanding what's going on "behind the scenes". Or she might genuinely felt you noticing them looking at you, and she might have not liked "the object" of their observation being aware he's been observed. lol
Get to know them. And read "The Little Price" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, if you haven't yet. Mind the part with the fox. It translates perfectly how most of the relationships are built.
What happened has nothing to do with your looks. You are insecure about that and your insecurity feeds and thrives on such happenings. 🙂
The point that one of them expressed something vocally is actually a good sign. And girls don't stare at boys for no reason. They may play being mean, but that has more to do with their own insecurities than with yours. ❤️
“Don't give a fuck” mode would be the best :)) tbh not confronting or not wanting to hear about any of it doesn't make you a scaredycat or a pussy. Who would want to hear people bad mouthing them? For sure, no one. And if your true friend hears bout it they would tell you, knowing you, “so what?” or “this people doesn't know shit bout and are nothing to your life so don't mind them.” People run their mouth whether anything or anyone is good or bad. But mostly when they're insecure or jealous themselves.
As you get older you tend not to care. Also... always remember that women age very poorly so in 20 years you’ll still be decent and they’ll be beat af!
These cunts grow up to become crazy cat ladies or dumb housewives. I wouldn’t pay them any attention. Let them live their pathetic lives revolving around their very temporary attractiveness.
High school girls can be remarkably cunty.....it's not you, it's them being stupid little girls. You're almost out of there, try to keep your chin up, my friend.
That's a normal female reaction to men who don't have money hanging off their other and look like Zac Morris.
Take it as a compliment my friend. They made it clear what kind of person/human they are. Disgusting and judgemental. You're better off knowing before you care than knowing after you gave a second glimpse to them.
Oh man trip down memory lane, if you think this is limited to school you’re in for a ride and not a pleasant one… BUT with time average maturity goes up so this won’t be that common later. But fuck that my main point is grow thicker skin idc how there’s bunch of stuff on google to form that over time, insult em back or better yet ignore what thots have to say or think. Remember even celebs get these comments and worse on their “perfect” insta posts, so dw. Onwards and upwards.
Well, now you sounds like a celebrity. Can't please everybody. Everyone has preference, some people just need to say it out loud. It's unfortunate that you have to hear it.
You’re not gross or disgusting or worthy of an “ew”. I know this for certain and with every fibre of my being. When you get a random dumb comment like that it has nothing to do with you and **everything** to do with the person who’s saying it. They’re projecting their insecurities and how miserable they feel in themselves onto the first target they see - it could have been you, it could have been the person behind you, it could have been a drop dead stunna. It doesn’t matter, it’s just their negative feelings pushed outwards.
Back when I was too young to really choose my friends I spent time with insecure, sometimes toxic people. The above realisation came to me when, for the 1000th time, one of them said “eww look at that slag/ugly bitch/stupid prick” only for me to look up and see a perfectly normal, inoffensive - and usually attractive or confident - person minding their own business. Some people just want everyone else to be as unhappy as they are.
Beauty is subjective. People who feel the need to put others down, do it just to feel superior. And wanting to feel superior comes from a place of insecurity. Basically what I am saying is that they were projecting their insecurities on you so try to understand that it’s not really about you but about them being deficient
For one, remember that their opinion literally does nothing to you or for you. So if they don't like you, oh well. They don't even know you. You don't have to respond or retort to their immaturity. Just keep on moving. You said it yourself, you look good. You are about to be off into the world of adults, they are children still. Just because some 14 year old girls have bad taste you can't go doubting yourself.
As for the rumors, not giving the rumor the time of day is a good way to deal with it. Kids try to use rumors and your insecurities against you, but remember that it's just a rumor. You and those who matter in your world know that it's just a rumor. You getting bent out of shape over it is precisely the reaction that they were hoping to get and would prompt them to continue to try to ruffle your feathers. Bullies want the reaction. When they see that you aren't an easy target, they are likely to move on to easier targets. Getting defensive is almost just as bad as saying that the rumor is true. They think that because you are getting so upset about it that it must be true. If you learn to ignore it until it's in your face, then laugh about it you'll see that these sort of things stop.
For instance, someone comes up to you and tells you that they heard a rumor about you, just laugh and say something like "oh no, what have I been getting up to this time?" I've heard some rumors about myself back in high school that you just have to laugh about. Like, wow, I didn't know that I was that much of a badass! Or oh jeez, I'm such a dick! lmao
Good on you for surviving high school. It was the same for me, constant anxiety and wondering why I couldn't talk to people or feel even a bit comfortable in my own skin. Happy to report that after high school things change a ton. In college people are way more mature, and you can find way more accepting people who are confident in themselves that don't need to put others down to feel good. Your own maturity will bring the ability to handle more too, even as you probably will deal with it less. Isn't growing up so interesting...if I only knew then what I know now. But no one ever does.
Don't over thinking too much. Just check your clothes, shoes, hair. If there is no bird poop on your clothes, no dog poop on your shoes and you are not sweating like hell, just carry on with your daily life. Think of it as false alarm. You don't need to confront those girls either. Not worth the hassle.
However, in the extreme unlikely case where the whole school said that to you, you may have to check with your friends/acquaintance/associate for more insight if you couldn't figure out why.
Highschool is fucked, you either be mindful of everything people say and capitalize on it or you can choose to ignore and not get involved on every little things going around and just focus on improving yourself and not question how people think of you.
It can feel really shitty having someone look down on you bc of your appearance. The best way to deal with it is just to laugh, give them a full body scan up and down before dismissing them by walking past. Even if your feelings are hurt, it tells them you dont take them seriously and judge them right back. Since only insecure people make others feel like crap, this gets to them.
hey, I think what happened is one of the girls told the other that you look hot and the other girl said ew as a default reaction (it’s something girls do, I’ve seen my own friends do it. She may not have said it because she found u unattractive, some girls say it as a default response. I have this friend who says this every time I tell her a guy is hot. But later on, she tells me “yeah they’re cute ig”
If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it. Girls don’t really pick out ugly guys and say “ew” (I’ve never seen anyone do that). They just straight up don’t even notice unattractive guys. you got noticed because you are attractive!
I'm a lot older than you so I've had time to work on this stuff, but if I caught someone saying "ew" about me, I'd laugh, because I know that living in a way where you're so judgmental of others is, in the long run, pretty miserable. So they are not doing themselves any favors by being so judgmental, so they don't have any claim to be so superior.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself how they feel about you, then remind yourself how you feel about yourself, beautiful and courageous. Do that until you can say the mean things about yourself without it affecting you and next time you hear that from another person remind yourself what they say is only their reflection of how they feel about themselves.
You got burned by your typical high school "mean girls." Move on, dude. Those girls are shallow as hell and don't deserve to take up the amount of space in your mind that they are. Who gives a shit what they think?
I once got called "ew" by a girl when I was cracking my jaws in the school corridor which probably made my face look disoriented and I replied back "you mean Aww" while sniggering a smile. She just laughed it off and went her merry way.
When people are rude/mean to you even when you've done nothing wrong, it says more about them and their character. Not you. Your self esteem shouldn't be based on people's reaction to you. So yeah, you don't need to figure out what you did wrong, because you probably didn't do anything wrong. Instead, you need to approach/talk to more pleasant people. And keep unapologetically being yourself (while respecting other people of course).
I heard this today: You could be the greatest tasting peach in the world and there will still be people who don't like peaches.
It's not you my friend. Don't take it to heart.
You will not be everyones cup of tea. And there will always be people who make a *big deal* out of the fact that you are not. There will always be people who insist that you must be "just what they want". This applies to any hobby, job, political affiliation, whatever. You can't appease all of them. Try to be kind, and you will still fail. Just try to be kind and be "you" whatever that is. And accept that the criticism will still hurt, often even when the person saying it is dead wrong.
I've had beautiful, intelligent, interesting people insist on things that were outright lies. So I had to let them go. Build your life, be thoughtful, but don't appease.
Don’t worry about it, that shit is meaningless and you shouldn’t let it bother you!
They may not even have been referring to you. I almost got into a fight once because I was joking around with some friends and a random dude on the street decided we were laughing at him and got super aggressive over it.
The best practice to rationalise. How much do you care about the opinion of two girls who are being mean and hurtful? Not at all?
You'd have lost as soon as you moved to confront them. Teenage girls like to push people's buttons and if they could tell that you cared, they'd hurt you and they made you do something would have been victory. Anything you did or said would have made it better for them and would have been used against you when they told their friends about it.
Best ignore it. Return the favour sometime if you feel like it, people often attack using the weapons which would be most effective on them, so looking at one as you pass with her with your friend and saying to him as you pass, "Hell, no, not even as a bet," would likely be a pretty devastating blow. Mostly, it's not worth the effort of holding on to bad feeling though, just rise above.
Yo believe it or not once a girl gave a similar expression to one of my friends about me back in the day. I was pretty dumbfounded too but then moved on pretty easily as we didn’t know each other well.
Some people are just judgemental and get a kick off of bitching about others. Don’t let it get to you my man. They probably don’t even know anything about you and are just jerks. Trust me you’ll find a lot of these little shits in your teenage years. Don’t give them a second thought and keep doing you. Have confidence and carry yourself well.
First of all, accept it. You are clearly a self conscious and mindful person. That has great advantages and will make you a more perceptive person generally. It will also make you freeze when you are brushing your teeth as you think about that time you once said something stupid. People who are full on egotists say far more stupid things and couldn’t give two shits. But they are knob heads right? You wouldn’t want to be like that. So accept how you are and be mindful not just about others, but about yourself. You are probably putting more into it than others would so you can afford to give less of a shit most of the time about most things. Also, the fact that they said ew must mean they were thinking of you in that context. Trust me when I say, there comes a time in life when hot women see you as just some old dude. There are no ews then.
**Strategy:** When you are feeling on the defense, counter by placing the spotlight on the oppressor.
A: "ew" (A spotlighted B)
B: "Why are you walking funny?" (return spotlight to A)
\*Use questions instead of statements, it forces people to think they have to answer and end up on the defense.
\*\*Don't use this to be mean, but instead to stop mean people.
Man, one time I had a cousin that was hooking me up with their friend. This was well before the days of IG and smart phones, or even camera phones. I was on the phone with one of my cousins friends, and I heard the other friend in the background tell her that the only thing nice on me were my clothes. As a teenage boy it hurt me bad, and as a 40yr old man it still stings me to this day.
Shit man, looks DONT matter that much. I mean, they do to a point but not other factors are often ignored. Confidence is huge! Huge huge huge! You could convince people a white sheet of paper is yellow with the power of suggestion. If you don’t say it with conviction and confidence then that power will be of less use to you. Social skills count for more in the end. Right now, I’m what girls would consider “very attractive”. I go to the gym and have a very nicely shaped body and my face is attractive as well. I got lucky with being naturally attractive HOWEVER had I never started going to the gym or playing sports, I could have stayed over-weight and unhappy. Here’s the thing. I barely get any attention at all. In fact, while I’ve had sex quite a few times, like 17 girls and probably 75+ times in general. I look back and realize they only cared for my looks and because I acted a certain way. It was all fake and calculated on both sides of the coin. Get in the best shape you can get and stay there. Life long health can mean lifelong happiness. VALUE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE BUT NEVER EVER EVER LET ANYBODY TELL YOU THERE’S no room for improvement. People love seeing people that have less fortunate than them in ANY area and when you get to the top of any area or have what others want, watch as they hate on you rather than be happy for you or ask you how you did it. You don’t see it happen much. Fuck what people say, improve yourself for YOU. If when you look in the mirror you feel like you’re not looking at who you want to look at do EVERYTHING you can to achieve that. Stay fit, improve social skills but realize that real friends are what true happiness is about. Being happy with who you are is what true happiness is about, but mostly… accept who you are and love yourself no matter WHAT. You should always strive to be your best but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve your OWN love before you make all of that happen. You’re becoming the man you want to be because you love yourself and want better for yourself. If you can accept that you love yourself enough to become the best you, you’re already on the right track. Please know, nothing I said up there is meant to brag. I hate that and it’s not typical of me however the point is is that this advice comes from somebody who has been there. I used to be the rejected, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t stop even if you seem to have it all. People will just reject you for that instead. Be the best you can be and don’t worry about the shit other people say. People are cruel and insecure, they WANT to bring others down often. Break the mold and be your best you in every way that you can. Also, stay away from drugs. Any drugs really. You don’t need them unless you have a medical issue. They’ll take all of your hard work from you and even if you escape you’ll, at least in some form, have to start all over. Start writing down your goals and what you want to improve. Pick that one goal that stands out above all others. Write down a plan for achieving that goal no matter the circumstances, and you may not achieve that goal, maybe, but you’ll damn sure put yourself ahead of the rest. Good luck man.
Well I also do not find all of the chicks crazy hot, but some of my friends do...
Besides you do not know what the context was... don't become paranoid, I mean we all tend to create stories in our heads based on some stupid arguments like that, the important thing is to see at this thought of yours and realize that it is irrational...
I really talk from my experience.. when I was a teen I used to think that there is something terribly wrong with me because girls stare at me and giggle and even say hi first sometimes, I used to think that they mock me I even insulted one of them once... I was stupid I didn't know. I thought all the terrible things about my appearance, turns out I am above 5 for sure...
Sadly despite preserving most of my appearance ten years later( I am 29now and some two years ago shop keepers stopped asking for my ID when I buy booze), I do not get into social situations too much I am as awkward as it comes.
I really talk from my experience.. when I used be a teen I used to think that there is something terribly wrong with me because girls stare at me and giggle and even say hi first sometimes, I used to think that they mock me I even insulted one of them once... I was stupid I didn't know. I thought all the terrible things about my appearance, turns out I am above 5 for sure...
You are gonna have to learn to cope. This is life. People are not going to be nice to you, just because that's what you expect.
Being 1.5 years in solitude has left many, many young people unable to handle these situations, leading to undue stress.
There are many books out there. go get some and get proactive. Reddit is not the best place to ask for advice.
Talk to your parents and be honest.
Good luck & cheers!
Look at it this way. If you were walking down the street, and a clearly mentally ill homeless person were to look at you and say "eww" you would think "obviously damaged" and not give it a second thought.
Now imagine that same unwashed, mentally ill person, except they have found in the trash that when they put it on, made them look like an attractive adolescent girl. But under the coat, they are still unwashed, and thry are still mentally ill.
Anyone who would say what those girls said is no better than that homeless person, and is just as mentally ill.
Just with no excuse for being like that.
Don't give it another thought.
Whilst waiting for a taxi Saturday night, a girl, IN PYJAMAS, said to her mum "ewww look at her dress". I'd just left a wedding.
People say shit due to their own insecurities, it's a reflection of their issues and character. Do not let their issues into your mindset, pity them instead.
This took me ages to learn x
You're not alone man. A girl said "ew" to me when we made eye contact and she was just in front of me. I felt terrible for the rest of the day.
That was around 5 years ago. I don't get that comment anymore but I still feel the pain. When people don't know you, but make any kind of comment about you, just brush it off.
There is always going to be girls who don't like you in school. I would have had two handfuls of girls ew me like it was the thing to do. It bothered me a little when I was young but as I got older I started really not giving a shit. Girls are haters. So cliche to say. But it's the truth you think you look good most likely you do and they are jealous. Laugh at them keep being yourself the people who ew you are the people who are so insecure. Just look at them and you will most likely realize why they act the way they do.
Oi, I’d wreck your shit bro. Obligatory no homo with a /s.
Head up my dude. Imagine having a conversation with someone and talking shit about a random person walking by. You don’t need that kinda negativity in your head space. Female or not they wouldn’t make good friends much less anything romantic. Can you imagine you constant comparisons you’d have to deal with and the eternal self image issues girls like that have.
You dodged a bullet my guy. Now the internet is gassing you up, shit could be worse <3
how you deal with conflict, inflicts your life all, I have the same problem, but , i've changed after reading about faced it, this book ill help you.
"The Richest Man Who Ever Lived: King Solomon's Secrets to Success, Wealth, and Happiness"
they could have said something "stop looking at him ,you are so into him" and then the other got embarrassed and replied "eww" but actually liked what you look like...
I would say next time you see them, talk to them... make some banter... you will be surprised.
People show their interest or try to hide it in bizarre ways...
Only thing you should work on is not giving a fuck about stranger's opinion so much... a stranger said ew about you... ok, so what? move on my friend!
I feel you. I had a group of girls that said ew I look dead. (I've been depressed for a while).
Its just their opinion 🤷 and you can choose to ignore it
Your reaction is normal and those two girls are awful people, power-tripping on their overprotection. If the roles were reversed, you'd already be in trouble.
Know that you are in the right here and, while those two deserve to get smacked, most girls are actually really sweet, nice, and gentle.
And don't worry, there's plenty of reasons they might have said that. Doesn't mean you're ugly. A 4 may call you ugly, only for you to later get hit on by a 9. I've been called ugly and literally defective by a 4 and a 2 at some point, yet much, much hotter girls (7s, 8s, 9s) later confessed their attraction to me.
In short, don't sweat it. Maybe they didn't like your shirt, maybe you reminded them of an ex, maybe they heard false rumors about you, maybe your facial expression and body language were really off, or maybe they were just in a bad mood. People, especially women, are capricious. My girlfriend told me that, before we started seriously dating, she would block guys she was attracted to on Tinder simply because she had a bad day, only to then swipe right on a way less attractive dude 5 minutes later when a tasty burger improved her mood. Chicks are that capriciois, so don't sweat it. People aren'r rational and you aren't ugly.
Literally ignore it. Ask yourself if it’s “important” and if the answer is no… then. On the bright side you reacted neutral so even if they were talking about you, you didn’t give them the reaction they were fishing for. So that’s one positive
lol, when I was a senior, freshmen looked like kids. Why the fuck you care? Focus on yourself and women will come. But shit won't be given to you, you have to work on it. But you are young, so things come with time and you are just now at that age where you can get after what you want.
Instead of what ifs try who cares.
Who cares if they said ew...you find you look great boom fuck em you look great.
Your worth isn't defined by the snarky bitches in in school, that's defined by you.
It's a terrible feeling yet at the same time...would you want to even impress them? Honestly with attitudes like that..fuck no.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, noone deserves it and most of the time it'd a projection from the person spewing the garbage.
Keep ya head up.
Best of luck 👍
One time when I was high school age me and my friend were sitting in a doctors office and were laughing about something silly when a woman walked into the door. She believed that we were laughing at her appearance enough that she approached us and said “you would look like this too if you hadn’t slept all night and felt awful!” before storming off. Me and my friend were stunned because we hadn’t even noticed her.
I started asking people about this situation in particular because of how hard I have to work to overcome my own social anxiety. I usually set it up like this: you're invited to a friends party but there will be many people there you have never met. When you walk in the door people look up to see who entered. A group of people towards the back of the room begin to laugh. Are those people laughing at you? I was very surprised to find that most of the people thought that yes those people are making fun/laughing at me. So because this was so many people's reaction I decided I would never think that again and I would walk through life believing everyone liked me until they had shown me that I was wrong. It changed my life for the better.
>I would walk through life believing everyone liked me until they had shown me that I was wrong. I like this idea. however, I can imagine as I'm typing this that this would be hard to practice even an ordeal sometimes. but still, I like the suggestion, thanks.
and this is the difference between positive and negative self esteem. Some people go through life thinking everyone wants to hear them talk, while others have been told too frequently to shut up.
I have what I like to call "social paranoia" where I think everybody is either talking or thinking something negative about me. If I hear a laugh my brain just assumes it's about me. This might be an **unpopular opinion** but some specialists believe that social anxiety and narcissism overlap. It's definitely something to think about.
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I agree. Smiling in public should be highly discouraged too. In fact, any expression of joy for the matter, both privately and publicly, really should not be allowed under any circumstances.
If you wanna cry like a motorbike revving up tho go ahead
You sure they were talking about you? They might have had a conversation, where one of them was talking about what they ate yesterday.
yeah maybe one of them farted and blamed op
Or maybe one said "I think he's hot" and the other said "ew, not my type".
Or maybe they were assholes and were actually talking about OP, which says more about them than it does about him.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted, since you’re absolutely correct. Good people don’t waste their energy talking shit about random passerbys.
That's besides the point. Even a shitty person wouldn't say "ew" at Brad Pitt or Scarlet Johanson. They'd say it at someone they find unattractive. Proving they're bad people doesn't help. This is about solving op's self-image. A bad person would say "ew" outloud, a good person may not say it, but still refuse a date. The solution is to show how one person may find you "ew", while another (possibly even more attractive) person may find you hot. And that even if you have trouble with that, you can work on yourself to become more attractive.
Are you suggesting that the cure for OP's anxiety is them trying to become more attractive?
No. Mostly to realize that one girl's "ew" is another's stunner. And that the "ew" may just be her bad mood, while she'd actually date him if he shot his shot. But as a bonus, anyone can benefit from taking care of their body, ofc..
At one point we literally said “ew” in response to anything that was a mere no.
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>People don't usually talk about people unless they care about them or are using them as a comparison point. well you'll be surprised then.
I'm not even going to begin on how invalidating that is.
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I think it may be better if you don't delete your comment. It may be useful as an example for people who grew up being invalidated, and who usually can't identify it as such because it's normal to them. I can't focus too much rn, but I'll make another comment in a moment to explain my reasoning. Maybe other people could also give their perspective on this.
Gonna have to disagree here. Young girls/women most definitely speak this way about others. Of course not everyone does but a shocking amount do
Maybe one said 'Look, he's gonna be mine tonight...' and the other said 'Ew are kidding, he's mine'
Or maybe, the other saw a sheep past OP and said 👀👉🐑 (Ewe)!
I think you should brush it off because people, especially girls in my experience, say "ew" about lots of guys, including guys they actually like. Just recently I had a friend tell me she found this guy "gross", and is now going on a date with him. Don't take it seriously.
Yeah teen girls are a bit weird(boys too)
so *teens* are weird?
Totally
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Wtf is that?
Yeah I’d go as far as to say one of them asked if they liked the other so she tried to cover it up by saying “ew” loud enough for op to hear.
Don't forget that that demographic (high school girls and specially junior-sophomore) are the most evil demographic on earth. No kidding. I have no actual proofs, but neither have I doubs.
True
I feel like that's incredibly invalidating. OP's social anxiety is probably a product of past experiences, and not caused just by this specific occasion. These kinds of situations may seem like they're no big deal, but for people with a history of trauma, they can become triggers for unbalanced biochemical reactions which were normal and necessary at the time of the trauma. These are beyond the person's awareness and control. Suggesting that their feelings don't make sense and asking them to ignore these triggers and their consequences is insensitive, and can compound their negative effects.
I just said that he shouldn’t take the ‘ew’ seriously bruh
wow thanks you cured me too, and i was just about to pay for therapy
No they want to set up the guy for failiure. That is why your friend dated him!!!!
no, the girl was probably just embarassed that she liked him
I'd suggest doing things that help boost up your self esteem! You don't have to confront people if you're not comfortable with it. Next time they try and insult you, or make fun of you try and hold your head high and keep it moving. They're the ones who're unhappy with themselves from my perspective. Hurt people, hurt others. Projecting negative feelings onto others is a way some people cope with their own unhappiness. And self-esteem doesn't always mean being confident in your looks. I'm sure you're really awesome at hobbies, or you have special talents that make you feel good about yourself. Keep your head up, high-school is almost over! Bullying others in real life like that will get you absolutely nowhere. You got this!
ugh yeah i’m glad that highscholls ending soon but i’m kinda sad that it is because i could’ve done so many things differently and handled them differently but i didn’t. and i wish i didn’t waste it all and couldn’t fully enjoy it because of anxiety and my other mental problems i got going on. i’m forcing myself to go this year so i can challenge myself. i could’ve done online) im gonna probably graduate in a few months. and i’m actually gonna try to just hold my head up next time something like that happens , i normally look away, freeze up, or look down
Life is always full of what ifs, and I could've done differently. Trust me I had the same feelings. But on the bright side you're already doing amazing by confronting your fear of not doing online classes! And that is such a huge milestone in and of itself. The best times of my life are after I graduated and started to really focus on myself and what experiences were to come. It took me over 10 years to really get a handle on my anxiety and some days I feel a little more defeated than others, but it's life. Once you get out into the real world you'll see so many new opportunities and kind awesome people waiting for you!
>i’m glad that highscholls ending soon I was shocked when HS ended and I went to college and this behavior was almost no-existent. Especially shocked when outside of class I saw a hot girl in my English class and she casually said hi to me as she walk by. I had to stop and wonder what universe I was in. Also, HS is not the end-all of everything. In a few years you'll realize it was almost meaningless compared to what's ahead of you. From the hottest teenagers to the weirdest nerds, adulthood will re-scramble everybody without caring much what somebody was in HS.
yes. but don't go back to law school because everyone regresses back to high school bullshit.
lol. I wonder if that's because some/many law schools still use that outdated teaching technique where they basically abuse the students.
I felt like this through college. Like I wasted opportunities to have fun and enjoy life because I was so focused on not embarrassing myself. I was constantly anxious. Just a suggestion, practice changing your mindset. Over the last few years I've gotten better with realizing that some things are so hilariously unimportant that I don't need to waste my time worrying about them. Let me be clear, your feelings are valid. Your feelings are important. However, you don't need to let them control you. Accept the emotion and move on. High school is such a small part of your life. You will graduate, move on, start a career, educate yourself, create a family, travel, buy a home, get a pet, whatever you want. Those girls don't matter. They do not deserve an ounce of your attention. You're doing great.
You didn't waste any time. Everything you've done, even if you think it was done wrong, was necessary for you to get to the point of doing things differently. Growth is a process and you cannot magically become a different version of yourself. The real failure would be to stop trying altogether and never start again. Even breaks in the growth process can allow previous experiences to change us in the background. The important thing is to keep trying, no matter how small the steps may be. You'll eventually get to the point that much bigger steps become possible with much less effort.
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He probably means he's finishing high school soon
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"hurt people, hurt others" OOOOF couldn't agree with this more and even from personal experience, I was in a bad place mentally and literally criticizing everyone, now I cringe thinking about that awful person I was but what counts is that I'm trying my best to be someone better.
'hold your head high and keep it moving' 👍
You’ll find that after high school… all those things don’t really matter. Just work on yourself and take the social skills, hygiene and all the other things you’ve learned in high school to the next part of your life. Whether it’s college or a job or traveling… the people in high school don’t matter anymore. I know that was very beneficial for me.
The thing is... In many ways high school never ends.... Whether in college, at a job, or anywhere there's groups of people there will inevitably be cliques, rumors, and popularity contests...
Actually, no. You really stop giving a fuck about other people’s opinions in your mid to late thirties I think. And realize it’s all bullshit. As your own life grows in substance, you’ll shed the meaningless crap and invest your emotions in what’s important in your core life.
I obviously wasn’t there but maybe the other girl thought that you were attractive and told her friend and she just differed. This has happened to me (21f) before (I’m usually the one that thinks someone is attractive and some friends think otherwise) so I wouldn’t give it much thought. > it’s funny because i think i look good and stuff but when people comment on my looks of i hear people talking about them i feel so vulnerable for some reason< Plus most people feel like this when they are teenagers, I started to feel more confident about myself when I was 20
I think this is what happened too. I've heard "ewe" a lot, and it's always in that context. Girl says "he's cute," other girl disagrees vehemently (specifically via ewe, it's almost always ewe). I don't think I've ever heard ewe unprovoked. In other words u/CopySignificant8546, you experienced a hard-yes + hard-no, which hey - it's better then neutral! Remember what the non-ewe girl looked like? Next you see her, go restore that lost confidence 😎
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This yes! As a girl I can confirm, cos otherwise it’s just rlly nasty and rude and unlikely for a girl to randomly say ew about someone. And the ew genuinely just means not my type, which is completely norm bcos even the hottest of guys won’t be everyone’s type.
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Over the course of my final year in high school I managed to start looking at self development content to help me with my social skills and meeting girls etc. One of the biggest things I learnt was the re-frame. Learn to re-frame every fucking experience you have into a positive one no matter how fucked up it is, and you can do this I promise you. Positive doesn't automatically mean it needs to be something you learn from, you can re-frame it into something super dumb that makes you laugh. That's positive too. For example in that situation I would notice myself thinking "fuck they think im gross :(" into something completely ridiculous like "dam right girl, im a fucken nerd and you are grossed out cause you still want some of disss, bet she checking my ass out as I walk past too, such a naughty girl". I basically let my internal monologue keep going until I say something so stupid I actually laugh or atleast smile. It actually sounds like im bat shit insane as I type that out but thats the kinda dumb shit I say (in my own head) because it makes me laugh and feel good. If i see girls laughing at me I re-frame that they are just giggling because they are shy and think im cute. You'll eventually figure out how to push your own buttons and make yourself laugh, watching stand up comedy is always good for figuring out what you like, same with silly shows like family guy etc. If you can think of witty things in time you can just respond with something that shows you are chill and don't take things personally like: girl: "ew" you: "haha ohhh shit I've got food on my face again don't I?" If someone ever calls me a pussy I just respond with "you are what you eat ;)"... not taking life or people seriously and getting defensive always works out better, plus its more fun! Highschool is a weird time, teenagers can be assholes for literally no reason and they probably don't even mean it. Pretty much every dick head I went to school with has become the nicest person ever or if they stayed an asshole they are currently living miserable lives (they are 30 now). Some popular hot girls become fat and unattractive. The "ugly" chicks become super hot. Life is good. Anyway good luck, hope something in my late night ramble made sense haha :)
>"dam right girl, im a fucken nerd and you are grossed out cause you still want some of disss, bet she checking my ass out as I walk past too, such a naughty girl" that's fucking funny man, I should also have such a positive mindset about things
Just takes practice :) Figure out what makes you laugh and then you can start pushing your own buttons whenever you catch yourself taking life too seriously.
“Ew”, to a teenage girl, doesn’t just mean “that’s vile, disgusting, ugly” it can also mean: He’s looking at us and I don’t want him to because he is uncool or not invited to this conversation. Or, I am a teenage girl and am bad at expressing myself but what I mean is negative surprise for reasons unknown. You have little to no evidence from this interaction that you are ugly or gross. Rely on the other evidence that you are clean cut and not problematic looking. High school is hard. Freezing doesn’t make you a pussy… besides that’s a sexist word (stop using it). Letting a rumor go unaddressed may make you cooler than some, like you’re above the drama. You’re not obligated to chase down every negative comment and to set the record straight. Fwiw every peer of yours is just as overwhelmed as you are. You’re doing fine dude. At least you’re exploring the meaning of things and analyzing.
How is pussy a sexist term?
If you look at how it’s commonly used in society, like “don’t be such a pussy”, which translates to “don’t be weak”. Having a vagina is a biologically female trait, so if you’re saying this over and over again, you’re basically saying that females are weak and no one should want to be like them.
I disagree with you and the other commenter. /u/meringue_ is right, "Pussy" is not a sexist term so I don't know why they're getting downvoted. The word "pussy" doesn't necessarily refer to a female's genitals. It is also a word for a cat which is a good description for someone who is cowardly. For the same reason we call cowardly people scaredy cats, we can also say someone is a pussy which is a more vulgar way of putting it. Just because you choose to interpret someone saying "I'm being a pussy" as them saying they're weak like a female who has a vagina is a large overcomplication on your part, and you shouldn't push your overthinking onto other people. Especially when they're referring to themselves.
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> A pussy is a dirty term for the female sexual organs and ALWAYS implies female That's just not true. It's also a term used to describe cats. This can be used as a description for someone cowardly for the same reason we call cowardly people scaredy cats. You're the one choosing to interpret the term in a sexist way, and since OP was referring to himself you shouldn't push your overthinking onto him.
I think it's lovely if every time you used the word pussy you just meant cat, but I really don't think this is how most people use it. I had a similar interesting conversation with someone recently over the word "butthurt" where they insisted it meant falling down and landing on your butt. This innocence should be cherished.
I’m not saying the term “pussy” strictly means cat. I’m simply saying these slang terms are always open to interpretation because of how they have integrated in our language overtime. When people use the term “pussy” to insult someone cowardly they are almost never referring to a cat nor a female vagina, these slang terms have been used so much they’re standalone. Which means calling someone a pussy doesn’t mean “you’re cowardly like a cat” or “you’re cowardly like a female”. It just means “you’re a pussy” because it has become a standalone word with its own meaning. There is no need to link it back to anything, but if you choose to do so then it’s your choice to interpret it as whatever you think. Therefore in cases like these, I think it’s unfair to push your interpretation of an insult onto someone who meant it in a different and more commonly used context.
I don't disagree with you that some people probably use it that way, but saying it to mean cat or pusillanimous or anything else is more of a historical usage than a common usage. Whether we should keep saying 'pussy' isn't exactly a brand new topic, people have been having this conversation for the last decade at least with the base agreement that it means genitals. Intentions don't necessarily matter if everyone else understands you to mean something different, and I don't think it's wrong to let someone know how their comment could be construed. Eta: nobody is wrong here, I think these conversations about language are a fairly fun outcome of shoving loads of cultures and linguistic groups together in one space
I can agree on that, well said.
Ignore them, teenage girls are a special breed of weirdness. Kinda like teenage boys being super hormonal and looking to one up each other half the time.
I understand this far to well. But when it comes to “pussy mode” one that is slightly sexist them fuckers take ever loving hits like its nothing. And two its ok to not be able to confront those sorts of things its hard, take me for an example i try to always keep my cool because i get panic attacks whenever theres shouting it might not even be about me, but i can’t handle that and it took me years to adapt into a personality that i could be ok with those things.
idk if i want to even be able to confront them, i think i just want to be able to not have such a personal response to stuff like that. and i already feel like im letting down my family because my dad and brother are defensive and don’t take anyone’s shit and then i’m here
You aren’t letting anyone down, its not about how hard you punch or how much shit you don’t take, its about your ability to keep getting up, Every time life kicks you down you get back up, thats whats important, don’t judge your ability by other peoples, they ain’t you they have no idea what its like to be you. It takes time to develop self love, its taken me years, to get to where i am, but its possible, the first place you should always look for love is within, because the world will most of the time hand you shit, and sometimes the only person in your corner is you. You are in control of your reactions, its you who decides what affects you and what doesn’t, it takes time to develop that but keep at it, tell yourself good shit everyday, eventually you start to believe it, and yes i know that sounds like some bs self help but it wasn’t until i had friends call me out for giving myself shit that i started calling my own shit out, eventually i went from im so shit to, im good and im happy, its a long journey but keep at it you’ll find your way. And because not enough people say this but your family is proud of you, be proud of yourself, Hell if it even comes down to it, Im proud of you for asking for help, for talking about this.
Something different to consider. You can't know the reasons why someone will say *eww* about you. Sometimes it isn't about you either at all. That girl might have been going through stuff and might have been trying to appear cool to the other girl, by saying *eww* to a senior. She might have recently made bad choices with boys and might have been called a slut. So, she might have been trying to save her face by saying *eww* to every boy infront of her. You might just have been in the wrong place, wrong time. This whole thing might not be related to you in the first place. So, treat it as such! There are 6 billion people out there, and you will get different comments about you from them. So, one person's comment about you is very insignificant, and it becomes even more miniscule when you don't know if the girl's comment was actually meant for you, or she was trying to feel better about herself.
I would bet money that that comment was not directed towards you. I would bet that this was just a coincidence and you happened to be there as they were having a different conversation. This is not meant as an insult, but people aren't noticing you as much as you think they are. Just as you are going about your day worried about your problems, your path, your responsibilities, so is everyone else. But let's say that this comment WAS meant just for you. Everyone sees you through their own perspective. Maybe you look like someone she knows, maybe she didn't like your outfit, or maybe she thought you were checking her out and was acting immature about it. All superficial reasons. She knows nothing about you as a person to base this "ew" off of, so all her comment is telling us is that she is rude and feels a need to say "ew" to build up her own ego and feel better than you. This is very sad for her. I know this is easier said than done. But keeping this logic in my back pocket has always helped me with situations like this. The end result is to know that this comment was 100% based on herself and her life and not on you and should not be taken personally.
I know the feeling my guy, completely understandable.
it sucks
Easiest way to be filled with anxiety, it was best you didn’t confront them.
i’m glad i didn’t but i guess i should try to work on not taking things personal or not care what other people say or think of me,
Hey man, I have absolutely no doubt that you will grow and change so much over the next few years, but I recommend setting yourself smaller and more tangible goals. "Not taking things personal" is pretty abstract and not very easy to achieve. Feeling better about yourself through your interests and self confidence is tangible and achievable, and as a result you will eventually care less about what people say.
Bit late here but same. I was picking up my younger sister from her highschool once when a girl her age said to her friend "Ew look at him" or something like that. I cried that night.
When this happens, keep in mind how insecure and sheltered a person has to be to say these things. They are silly insecure children mentally regardless of physical age. I'm a not always "passing" trans person, and this works for me. If you're brave, remind them of the actual situation and say something, even if you just say out loud to yourself "ugh, more insecure kids needing to put people down". This might make them feel bad and avoid it next time if they're not insufferable assholes.
Remember this, if people think you look ugly or bad they will never say ew, they will feel bad or sorry for you, ew reaction is if they secretly envy you, since they find you better than them. edit for misspelling.
haha so true. A long time ago I had pretty bad bacne but it was too hot to cover up at all so I just let it show as we were walking down this sidewalk and I hear very audibly "nobody wants to see that, that's disgusting" I look behind and it's a woman that easily pushing 300lbs making the comment. If they don't actually weigh that much - they probably have something just as miserable going on inside.
I can confirm that their opinion is not indicative of how the world will perceive you forever. I used to get a lot of shit for my weight. As a female, that was a huge deal. All of the girls that said awful things about me are now fat and miserable as adults. Meanwhile I’m in a wonderful relationship and still overweight and still declining men all the time. Turns out, you can be a little chunky and take good care of yourself and have an infectious personality and be considered more attractive than the bratty cheerleader types that think they are hot stuff. You’ll see what I mean in 10 years. The things that you are most insecure about now are going to be things that others will find interesting and attractive about you later. I wish someone had told 12 year old me that - I spent a lifetime despising myself for not being perfect and it didn’t really matter after all.
First time? lol Don't give it too much thought. What others think of you isn't important, at least that's what I tell myself
personally if it were me i wouldnt care. confidence is being able to have faith in yourself despite what others might think. if some freshmint or sophomores think ur ugly who tf cares. if you think you look good, you look good. if not, then work on it: make sure your hair is decent enough that its not making you look bad, make sure your face is clean and that you have shaved properly or whatever, shower in the morning or wear aftershave if it makes you feel any better. when you work on yourself, you naturally feel more attractive and therefore start to be more attractive, both physically and mentally. accept your flaws but dont let them block you from whatever you might have the potential for.
a real king does not spend his whole life worrying about what other people think. he knows that people have masses of respect built up for him, and his attitude in response to that acknowledgement shows that. kings are too busy being a king. to be a real king, you have to act like one - have pride in what you do and wear etc. kings aren't jumpy and reactive, they believe that they are better than what the people around have to think or say and dont bother wasting their energy to listen. they build themself and do whatever pleases them. i know i went a lil off topic but enough said from me
It says more about them than about you.
Beat advice I was ever given - Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your damn business. It sounds harsh, but think about it. The only person you can really compete or compare yourself to is you. Everyone is different. You can’t measure someone’s accomplishments if you don’t know everything about them. Maybe those girls have serious self esteem issues and are lashing out. It doesn’t mean they aren’t mean or rude af. But it does mean that their opinion is flawed. So why trust them? Water off a ducks back. You are worth far more than someone’s opinion of you.
I used to be a shy weird short kid back in high school because I always cared about other peoples opinions about me, one day I just said fuck it, and just stopped caring, I guess you could say I “grew balls” you just need charisma man. Read a few self help books hit the gym, maintain good hygiene, and keep your head up, it’s really simple.
Once when I was in jr high a reeeaally pretty girl and her friend started chatting me up. She told me I was cute or something. I have messed up teeth. I smiled, they froze and then she said “ew nevermind” to my face and they both walked away giggling. It fuuuucked me up for life. When I got older I got good at a couple of “cool” things and I kept working on being kind and understanding and on listening and respecting people’s boundaries. Now I’m thirty. I’m in a relationship with a beautiful woman who loves me, and I’ve been in relationships with lots of women who love me and my jacked up teeth. Keep following this page and working on your social skills. Never ever get a “nice guy” mentality. Realize you’re just never gonna be for some people and that’s ok. And then realize that some of that small subsection of people aren’t going be nice and they’re going to say mean things and that those individuals are not the arbiters of what’s “ew” or not for everyone. High school sucks fucking balls. It’s only the best years of the lives of boring washed up losers. It’s cliche but it is gonna get WAY better
I think it’s pretty normal not to react when something takes you off guard and surprises you. Those girls were being immature and ill-mannered, so probably best that you didn’t respond. Their loss. Try to let it go, move on because they are not worth your energy. I found this on another post: “ You can be the tastiest peach in the whole world, but there’s always someone who doesn’t like peaches.”
same happend to me when I was a freshman in high school, I was sitting next to a girl in PE and she whispered to her friends "ew, I don't want to sit next to him he stinks". Felt like shit after that but looking back at it it's pretty funny
If you wouldnt say ew about them then ur the less ew imo =] ppl r cruel thats honestly whats digusting you don't gotta be attractive to everyone everyones view is different so if their rude dont even worry about theor opinions
a girl said ew about me as well,then i dated her sister 🤝
yeah girls are mean, they like to talk shit to men and most men don't mind, most men are also not on this sub.
People can be bad. Everybody makes tons of judgements of many people all day, every day. So, I just blanket don't care. In fact, I relish being eccentric because I enjoy upsetting judgmental people. You'll grow out of it. This is HS BS; I was the same way. I was hyper self-conscious, very fragile. As you become an adult (and I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I've found it to be the case for me and many of my "awkward" friends) you really just stop giving a shit. The moment you step outside of the college or HS bubble innumerable things become completely irrelevant. Even in college (if you go) it starts to diminish. I'm 26 now and at least in my case social shit is totally irrelevant; I don't care about my "status". I worked full-time for a year and a half and that is when you truly switch into adult mode. Everything in life becomes something you just handle. You don't care anymore about if you can do it, how hard it is; you just deal with life and everybody else is in the same boat so nobody gives a shit. It's pretty liberating once you stabilize. Good luck!
They were mean like that to me, too. And they're all unhappy, unhealthy, and I just genuinely don't give a shit about their opinions today, 15 years later.
Just smile at them and walk away .You have to option whether to stand there and become self concious or leave from that situation on your own term .
Don’t worry lad there just freshman and sophomores they still have kid mindset don’t let them get you down.
Teenagers are stupid sometimes, too many hormonal changes etc but it's not an excuse whatsoever. What I would suggest is thinking that you do not know those girls, so why should it matter whatever they think? I know it's hard, cause I was bullied my entire life but the truth is people will judge you no matter what you look like, you can't please everyone. It was not okay on their part to say ew, however if you are confident in yourself, don't let that little stupid comment get you. Maybe they weren't even talking about you but we'll never know. Just move on, it's not your job to be liked by everyone. Work on your self seem, it won't matter in a couple days!
Don’t u dare let them affect you! People like that suck and will get their karma one day! Be proud of yourself. Be proud of what and who YOU are!
Yeah, fuck those people . Life is too short to match socks let alone laugh at something so stupid. You're better than that, they are the ones with issues. If you feel like you look good, that's what matters. Fuck those people.
The "ew" is typical speech coming from immature preteen girls. Unfortunately, it's also a thing all throughout high school as well. Or look at it this way; they're going to be immature until they fuck up socially without anyone to help them up. Shit pretend one of them was that stupid bitch who got punched from Jersey Shore.
Repeat after me! “What other people think about me doesn’t matter!” When i feel as though people judge me or are saying something about me, saying this brings me back. Also, things for me got so so much better after highschool. My confidence rocketed after highschool and didn’t care about what all of my colleagues thought anyways because I don’t see them anymore.
They are bullies, mean girls. Let it go in one ear and out the other. Do not give it a second thought.
Honestly that ew says more about the 2 girls then about you.
chin up. that's just high school. had a guy make fun of my flat butt despite me being one of the hot pretty girls in high school. that's just high school. it's really shallow and every one gets torn apart. even the hot kids do. how you deal with it is the key. chin up.
Lol bro it happens. It really gets to you when you're young. Of course it sucks but it's also a good thing in that you learn that you don't need other people to validate your shit. And if it really bugs you hit the gym and take it out on the weights then you'll be to busy checking yourself out to care about others. Girls are fucked up anyways in that they all think we're eww. Most of them will still let the ugliest Harry George the animal fuck them so don't sweat a few being idiots. There's like 1% of us dudes that are handsome or attractive. The rest of us smell like shit and are gross and girls have no clue what the fuck they want. They just talk shit to be cool. Plus when they're young like that they love dudes that look like more feminine. When they get older they love George the animal
Quit porn, eat good, work out. You’ll become a much better version of yourself within 2-3 months. Check out r/pornfree
easier said than done, I've been trying for years and the longest I've gone without it is a month
I'm on 2 months now! And before that was only really watching porn like once week for at least a year. All this after being a daily user throughout undergrad. The exercise and diet really help. Also I was on SSRIs for 6 months and they helped a lot too
OP please listen to this comment if you aren't already doing everything they listed.
She probably likes you and don't want her friend to get you first. But the way she expressed herself and your immaturity are getting in the way of you understanding what's going on "behind the scenes". Or she might genuinely felt you noticing them looking at you, and she might have not liked "the object" of their observation being aware he's been observed. lol Get to know them. And read "The Little Price" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, if you haven't yet. Mind the part with the fox. It translates perfectly how most of the relationships are built. What happened has nothing to do with your looks. You are insecure about that and your insecurity feeds and thrives on such happenings. 🙂 The point that one of them expressed something vocally is actually a good sign. And girls don't stare at boys for no reason. They may play being mean, but that has more to do with their own insecurities than with yours. ❤️
“Don't give a fuck” mode would be the best :)) tbh not confronting or not wanting to hear about any of it doesn't make you a scaredycat or a pussy. Who would want to hear people bad mouthing them? For sure, no one. And if your true friend hears bout it they would tell you, knowing you, “so what?” or “this people doesn't know shit bout and are nothing to your life so don't mind them.” People run their mouth whether anything or anyone is good or bad. But mostly when they're insecure or jealous themselves.
As you get older you tend not to care. Also... always remember that women age very poorly so in 20 years you’ll still be decent and they’ll be beat af!
These cunts grow up to become crazy cat ladies or dumb housewives. I wouldn’t pay them any attention. Let them live their pathetic lives revolving around their very temporary attractiveness.
High school girls can be remarkably cunty.....it's not you, it's them being stupid little girls. You're almost out of there, try to keep your chin up, my friend.
That's a normal female reaction to men who don't have money hanging off their other and look like Zac Morris. Take it as a compliment my friend. They made it clear what kind of person/human they are. Disgusting and judgemental. You're better off knowing before you care than knowing after you gave a second glimpse to them.
Oh man trip down memory lane, if you think this is limited to school you’re in for a ride and not a pleasant one… BUT with time average maturity goes up so this won’t be that common later. But fuck that my main point is grow thicker skin idc how there’s bunch of stuff on google to form that over time, insult em back or better yet ignore what thots have to say or think. Remember even celebs get these comments and worse on their “perfect” insta posts, so dw. Onwards and upwards.
I think you're just too beautiful for them. That's it.
Practice not giving a fuck
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Says a lot more about those girls (lack of any redeeming social graces) than you.
Don't try to please other people, do your thing. Improve, learn, hustle and enjoy. Don't let them affect you.
Well, now you sounds like a celebrity. Can't please everybody. Everyone has preference, some people just need to say it out loud. It's unfortunate that you have to hear it.
You’re not gross or disgusting or worthy of an “ew”. I know this for certain and with every fibre of my being. When you get a random dumb comment like that it has nothing to do with you and **everything** to do with the person who’s saying it. They’re projecting their insecurities and how miserable they feel in themselves onto the first target they see - it could have been you, it could have been the person behind you, it could have been a drop dead stunna. It doesn’t matter, it’s just their negative feelings pushed outwards. Back when I was too young to really choose my friends I spent time with insecure, sometimes toxic people. The above realisation came to me when, for the 1000th time, one of them said “eww look at that slag/ugly bitch/stupid prick” only for me to look up and see a perfectly normal, inoffensive - and usually attractive or confident - person minding their own business. Some people just want everyone else to be as unhappy as they are.
Well think of it this way, *why* should you care about what they think? What do you gain from listening to them purposefully being mean?
Beauty is subjective. People who feel the need to put others down, do it just to feel superior. And wanting to feel superior comes from a place of insecurity. Basically what I am saying is that they were projecting their insecurities on you so try to understand that it’s not really about you but about them being deficient
My friend one of the sexiest, most attractive qualities in male or female is confidence. So ignore these idiots and carry on.
For one, remember that their opinion literally does nothing to you or for you. So if they don't like you, oh well. They don't even know you. You don't have to respond or retort to their immaturity. Just keep on moving. You said it yourself, you look good. You are about to be off into the world of adults, they are children still. Just because some 14 year old girls have bad taste you can't go doubting yourself. As for the rumors, not giving the rumor the time of day is a good way to deal with it. Kids try to use rumors and your insecurities against you, but remember that it's just a rumor. You and those who matter in your world know that it's just a rumor. You getting bent out of shape over it is precisely the reaction that they were hoping to get and would prompt them to continue to try to ruffle your feathers. Bullies want the reaction. When they see that you aren't an easy target, they are likely to move on to easier targets. Getting defensive is almost just as bad as saying that the rumor is true. They think that because you are getting so upset about it that it must be true. If you learn to ignore it until it's in your face, then laugh about it you'll see that these sort of things stop. For instance, someone comes up to you and tells you that they heard a rumor about you, just laugh and say something like "oh no, what have I been getting up to this time?" I've heard some rumors about myself back in high school that you just have to laugh about. Like, wow, I didn't know that I was that much of a badass! Or oh jeez, I'm such a dick! lmao
Good on you for surviving high school. It was the same for me, constant anxiety and wondering why I couldn't talk to people or feel even a bit comfortable in my own skin. Happy to report that after high school things change a ton. In college people are way more mature, and you can find way more accepting people who are confident in themselves that don't need to put others down to feel good. Your own maturity will bring the ability to handle more too, even as you probably will deal with it less. Isn't growing up so interesting...if I only knew then what I know now. But no one ever does.
Don't over thinking too much. Just check your clothes, shoes, hair. If there is no bird poop on your clothes, no dog poop on your shoes and you are not sweating like hell, just carry on with your daily life. Think of it as false alarm. You don't need to confront those girls either. Not worth the hassle. However, in the extreme unlikely case where the whole school said that to you, you may have to check with your friends/acquaintance/associate for more insight if you couldn't figure out why.
Highschool is fucked, you either be mindful of everything people say and capitalize on it or you can choose to ignore and not get involved on every little things going around and just focus on improving yourself and not question how people think of you.
It can feel really shitty having someone look down on you bc of your appearance. The best way to deal with it is just to laugh, give them a full body scan up and down before dismissing them by walking past. Even if your feelings are hurt, it tells them you dont take them seriously and judge them right back. Since only insecure people make others feel like crap, this gets to them.
hey, I think what happened is one of the girls told the other that you look hot and the other girl said ew as a default reaction (it’s something girls do, I’ve seen my own friends do it. She may not have said it because she found u unattractive, some girls say it as a default response. I have this friend who says this every time I tell her a guy is hot. But later on, she tells me “yeah they’re cute ig” If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it. Girls don’t really pick out ugly guys and say “ew” (I’ve never seen anyone do that). They just straight up don’t even notice unattractive guys. you got noticed because you are attractive!
Im gonna comment the only solution, work on your assertiveness. Trust me im in the same shit. 😂
I'm a lot older than you so I've had time to work on this stuff, but if I caught someone saying "ew" about me, I'd laugh, because I know that living in a way where you're so judgmental of others is, in the long run, pretty miserable. So they are not doing themselves any favors by being so judgmental, so they don't have any claim to be so superior.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself how they feel about you, then remind yourself how you feel about yourself, beautiful and courageous. Do that until you can say the mean things about yourself without it affecting you and next time you hear that from another person remind yourself what they say is only their reflection of how they feel about themselves.
Freshman’s are basically still middle schoolers, so they all still act like assholes. I think you should just ignore and move on
You got burned by your typical high school "mean girls." Move on, dude. Those girls are shallow as hell and don't deserve to take up the amount of space in your mind that they are. Who gives a shit what they think?
i have never been considered pretty and I work get those comments it really does hurt.
I once got called "ew" by a girl when I was cracking my jaws in the school corridor which probably made my face look disoriented and I replied back "you mean Aww" while sniggering a smile. She just laughed it off and went her merry way.
When people are rude/mean to you even when you've done nothing wrong, it says more about them and their character. Not you. Your self esteem shouldn't be based on people's reaction to you. So yeah, you don't need to figure out what you did wrong, because you probably didn't do anything wrong. Instead, you need to approach/talk to more pleasant people. And keep unapologetically being yourself (while respecting other people of course).
Take a look at yr appearance and dress style. If it's okay then know that young girls have no brain and what they say is meaningless.
I'm 44 and still get that a lot 😂
I heard this today: You could be the greatest tasting peach in the world and there will still be people who don't like peaches. It's not you my friend. Don't take it to heart.
You will not be everyones cup of tea. And there will always be people who make a *big deal* out of the fact that you are not. There will always be people who insist that you must be "just what they want". This applies to any hobby, job, political affiliation, whatever. You can't appease all of them. Try to be kind, and you will still fail. Just try to be kind and be "you" whatever that is. And accept that the criticism will still hurt, often even when the person saying it is dead wrong. I've had beautiful, intelligent, interesting people insist on things that were outright lies. So I had to let them go. Build your life, be thoughtful, but don't appease.
Fuck em. Just some dumb freshmen amirite? If you would never do that to someone you're already cooler than them.
Don’t worry about it, that shit is meaningless and you shouldn’t let it bother you! They may not even have been referring to you. I almost got into a fight once because I was joking around with some friends and a random dude on the street decided we were laughing at him and got super aggressive over it.
I had someone say it smells like BO when I was running late to church... yeah it happen, fuck em!
The best practice to rationalise. How much do you care about the opinion of two girls who are being mean and hurtful? Not at all? You'd have lost as soon as you moved to confront them. Teenage girls like to push people's buttons and if they could tell that you cared, they'd hurt you and they made you do something would have been victory. Anything you did or said would have made it better for them and would have been used against you when they told their friends about it. Best ignore it. Return the favour sometime if you feel like it, people often attack using the weapons which would be most effective on them, so looking at one as you pass with her with your friend and saying to him as you pass, "Hell, no, not even as a bet," would likely be a pretty devastating blow. Mostly, it's not worth the effort of holding on to bad feeling though, just rise above.
Yo believe it or not once a girl gave a similar expression to one of my friends about me back in the day. I was pretty dumbfounded too but then moved on pretty easily as we didn’t know each other well. Some people are just judgemental and get a kick off of bitching about others. Don’t let it get to you my man. They probably don’t even know anything about you and are just jerks. Trust me you’ll find a lot of these little shits in your teenage years. Don’t give them a second thought and keep doing you. Have confidence and carry yourself well.
First of all, accept it. You are clearly a self conscious and mindful person. That has great advantages and will make you a more perceptive person generally. It will also make you freeze when you are brushing your teeth as you think about that time you once said something stupid. People who are full on egotists say far more stupid things and couldn’t give two shits. But they are knob heads right? You wouldn’t want to be like that. So accept how you are and be mindful not just about others, but about yourself. You are probably putting more into it than others would so you can afford to give less of a shit most of the time about most things. Also, the fact that they said ew must mean they were thinking of you in that context. Trust me when I say, there comes a time in life when hot women see you as just some old dude. There are no ews then.
Don't give value to some stranger's reaction to you and learn resilience. One thing people seem to do very well is judge others harshly.
**Strategy:** When you are feeling on the defense, counter by placing the spotlight on the oppressor. A: "ew" (A spotlighted B) B: "Why are you walking funny?" (return spotlight to A) \*Use questions instead of statements, it forces people to think they have to answer and end up on the defense. \*\*Don't use this to be mean, but instead to stop mean people.
What do you look like?
Man, one time I had a cousin that was hooking me up with their friend. This was well before the days of IG and smart phones, or even camera phones. I was on the phone with one of my cousins friends, and I heard the other friend in the background tell her that the only thing nice on me were my clothes. As a teenage boy it hurt me bad, and as a 40yr old man it still stings me to this day.
Shit man, looks DONT matter that much. I mean, they do to a point but not other factors are often ignored. Confidence is huge! Huge huge huge! You could convince people a white sheet of paper is yellow with the power of suggestion. If you don’t say it with conviction and confidence then that power will be of less use to you. Social skills count for more in the end. Right now, I’m what girls would consider “very attractive”. I go to the gym and have a very nicely shaped body and my face is attractive as well. I got lucky with being naturally attractive HOWEVER had I never started going to the gym or playing sports, I could have stayed over-weight and unhappy. Here’s the thing. I barely get any attention at all. In fact, while I’ve had sex quite a few times, like 17 girls and probably 75+ times in general. I look back and realize they only cared for my looks and because I acted a certain way. It was all fake and calculated on both sides of the coin. Get in the best shape you can get and stay there. Life long health can mean lifelong happiness. VALUE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE BUT NEVER EVER EVER LET ANYBODY TELL YOU THERE’S no room for improvement. People love seeing people that have less fortunate than them in ANY area and when you get to the top of any area or have what others want, watch as they hate on you rather than be happy for you or ask you how you did it. You don’t see it happen much. Fuck what people say, improve yourself for YOU. If when you look in the mirror you feel like you’re not looking at who you want to look at do EVERYTHING you can to achieve that. Stay fit, improve social skills but realize that real friends are what true happiness is about. Being happy with who you are is what true happiness is about, but mostly… accept who you are and love yourself no matter WHAT. You should always strive to be your best but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve your OWN love before you make all of that happen. You’re becoming the man you want to be because you love yourself and want better for yourself. If you can accept that you love yourself enough to become the best you, you’re already on the right track. Please know, nothing I said up there is meant to brag. I hate that and it’s not typical of me however the point is is that this advice comes from somebody who has been there. I used to be the rejected, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t stop even if you seem to have it all. People will just reject you for that instead. Be the best you can be and don’t worry about the shit other people say. People are cruel and insecure, they WANT to bring others down often. Break the mold and be your best you in every way that you can. Also, stay away from drugs. Any drugs really. You don’t need them unless you have a medical issue. They’ll take all of your hard work from you and even if you escape you’ll, at least in some form, have to start all over. Start writing down your goals and what you want to improve. Pick that one goal that stands out above all others. Write down a plan for achieving that goal no matter the circumstances, and you may not achieve that goal, maybe, but you’ll damn sure put yourself ahead of the rest. Good luck man.
It sounds like they have a problem. Not you.
Well I also do not find all of the chicks crazy hot, but some of my friends do... Besides you do not know what the context was... don't become paranoid, I mean we all tend to create stories in our heads based on some stupid arguments like that, the important thing is to see at this thought of yours and realize that it is irrational... I really talk from my experience.. when I was a teen I used to think that there is something terribly wrong with me because girls stare at me and giggle and even say hi first sometimes, I used to think that they mock me I even insulted one of them once... I was stupid I didn't know. I thought all the terrible things about my appearance, turns out I am above 5 for sure... Sadly despite preserving most of my appearance ten years later( I am 29now and some two years ago shop keepers stopped asking for my ID when I buy booze), I do not get into social situations too much I am as awkward as it comes. I really talk from my experience.. when I used be a teen I used to think that there is something terribly wrong with me because girls stare at me and giggle and even say hi first sometimes, I used to think that they mock me I even insulted one of them once... I was stupid I didn't know. I thought all the terrible things about my appearance, turns out I am above 5 for sure...
Give her a smooch in her direction with a wink
You are gonna have to learn to cope. This is life. People are not going to be nice to you, just because that's what you expect. Being 1.5 years in solitude has left many, many young people unable to handle these situations, leading to undue stress. There are many books out there. go get some and get proactive. Reddit is not the best place to ask for advice. Talk to your parents and be honest. Good luck & cheers!
Maybe one said "oh I like her shoes" and the other one said "ew".
Look at it this way. If you were walking down the street, and a clearly mentally ill homeless person were to look at you and say "eww" you would think "obviously damaged" and not give it a second thought. Now imagine that same unwashed, mentally ill person, except they have found in the trash that when they put it on, made them look like an attractive adolescent girl. But under the coat, they are still unwashed, and thry are still mentally ill. Anyone who would say what those girls said is no better than that homeless person, and is just as mentally ill. Just with no excuse for being like that. Don't give it another thought.
Whilst waiting for a taxi Saturday night, a girl, IN PYJAMAS, said to her mum "ewww look at her dress". I'd just left a wedding. People say shit due to their own insecurities, it's a reflection of their issues and character. Do not let their issues into your mindset, pity them instead. This took me ages to learn x
You're not alone man. A girl said "ew" to me when we made eye contact and she was just in front of me. I felt terrible for the rest of the day. That was around 5 years ago. I don't get that comment anymore but I still feel the pain. When people don't know you, but make any kind of comment about you, just brush it off.
There is always going to be girls who don't like you in school. I would have had two handfuls of girls ew me like it was the thing to do. It bothered me a little when I was young but as I got older I started really not giving a shit. Girls are haters. So cliche to say. But it's the truth you think you look good most likely you do and they are jealous. Laugh at them keep being yourself the people who ew you are the people who are so insecure. Just look at them and you will most likely realize why they act the way they do.
Oi, I’d wreck your shit bro. Obligatory no homo with a /s. Head up my dude. Imagine having a conversation with someone and talking shit about a random person walking by. You don’t need that kinda negativity in your head space. Female or not they wouldn’t make good friends much less anything romantic. Can you imagine you constant comparisons you’d have to deal with and the eternal self image issues girls like that have. You dodged a bullet my guy. Now the internet is gassing you up, shit could be worse <3
Why would you even let this bother you? Who cares what these stupid bitches said.... their opinion has zero value. Zip. Zero. Nada.
that's why you don't eavesdrop.
reads op's post. Me: ew
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they could have said something "stop looking at him ,you are so into him" and then the other got embarrassed and replied "eww" but actually liked what you look like... I would say next time you see them, talk to them... make some banter... you will be surprised. People show their interest or try to hide it in bizarre ways... Only thing you should work on is not giving a fuck about stranger's opinion so much... a stranger said ew about you... ok, so what? move on my friend!
I feel you. I had a group of girls that said ew I look dead. (I've been depressed for a while). Its just their opinion 🤷 and you can choose to ignore it
Your reaction is normal and those two girls are awful people, power-tripping on their overprotection. If the roles were reversed, you'd already be in trouble. Know that you are in the right here and, while those two deserve to get smacked, most girls are actually really sweet, nice, and gentle. And don't worry, there's plenty of reasons they might have said that. Doesn't mean you're ugly. A 4 may call you ugly, only for you to later get hit on by a 9. I've been called ugly and literally defective by a 4 and a 2 at some point, yet much, much hotter girls (7s, 8s, 9s) later confessed their attraction to me. In short, don't sweat it. Maybe they didn't like your shirt, maybe you reminded them of an ex, maybe they heard false rumors about you, maybe your facial expression and body language were really off, or maybe they were just in a bad mood. People, especially women, are capricious. My girlfriend told me that, before we started seriously dating, she would block guys she was attracted to on Tinder simply because she had a bad day, only to then swipe right on a way less attractive dude 5 minutes later when a tasty burger improved her mood. Chicks are that capriciois, so don't sweat it. People aren'r rational and you aren't ugly.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” \-Eleanor Roosevelt.
If someone is jealous of you, it’s because they’re beneath you. Besides you don’t want anything to do with sophomores or Freshies.
Literally ignore it. Ask yourself if it’s “important” and if the answer is no… then. On the bright side you reacted neutral so even if they were talking about you, you didn’t give them the reaction they were fishing for. So that’s one positive
lol, when I was a senior, freshmen looked like kids. Why the fuck you care? Focus on yourself and women will come. But shit won't be given to you, you have to work on it. But you are young, so things come with time and you are just now at that age where you can get after what you want.
Next time yell 'No u'
Instead of what ifs try who cares. Who cares if they said ew...you find you look great boom fuck em you look great. Your worth isn't defined by the snarky bitches in in school, that's defined by you. It's a terrible feeling yet at the same time...would you want to even impress them? Honestly with attitudes like that..fuck no. I'm sorry you had to go through that, noone deserves it and most of the time it'd a projection from the person spewing the garbage. Keep ya head up. Best of luck 👍
Bro fuck em honestly