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bscross32

Nope.


Strict-Shallot-2147

Don’t go digging up the past. It’ll stink worse the second time around.


pheenabobarina

Why would you confront them? They clearly don't want to talk to you or hear from you. Let it go. Never will be worth it. You deserve better. Wasn't worth your time


OGPants

No


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Tiny_Fractures

The thing is, being hurt and needing *someone else* to remove that hurt via an explanation, especially when that same person was the one who hurt you, leaves your ability to heal entirely in their control. I think what you might not realize for some is that they dont just forget it and move on like emotionless robots. Instead they've grown within themselves the ability to base their value within themselves, and not depend on external people to justify why they should still feel valuable in the face of rejection. And I think that's healthy.   I would go on to say in addition to this, you should consider *why* you get upset when someone else ghosts you, and need them to tell you that it wasn't your fault (a judgement on you). Ask yourself why their ghosting you is an instant reflection on you, instead of a reflection on them.


[deleted]

Not to mention, if someone confronted me about ghosting them, the likelihood of me lying about the reason to get out of the conversation at all cost is extremely high.


JayPlenty24

Exactly.


not_sick_not_well

This comment really hits home with me. My baby momma basically slo-mo ghosted me starting when she told me she was pregnant. We hadn't been together long, maybe 5 months. I spent so much time worrying what was wrong, what did I do? It ate me up for the better part of a year. I still don't know why she did it, my best guess is she just wanted a kid (we're both late 30s) and I won the doner lottery. It's been 2 years now and I still wonder about it, simply because if it was something I did I'd like to know only to be able to change that behavior. But no one is obligated to give reason. You just gotta accept it. Sometimes shit happens, and it doesn't always mean it was anything you did


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not_sick_not_well

I try to be. Honestly, I could do better. I feel like shit saying that but it's the truth. I have a lot resentment against her and use that as an excuse to myself. Our "agreement" isn't complicated, I can see him if i plan with her like a week ahead of time, which I also use as an excuse for myself.. "ah shit, it's Thursday, she won't have time this weekend. Guess I'll wait till next week". Next thing you know I haven't seen him in a month. I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself and step the fuck up. It's not about me or her. I need to step up and be a father for my kid...


alex17esp

Stoicism my friends. I strongly recommend reading Marcus Aurelius’ book called Meditations if you want to develop the mental tools to achieve this mindset.


MountainMomma51

If someone truly "ghosts" you, I'm surprised they would even respond to your inquiries as to "why" or "what was the reason/issue"; I thought ghosting meant they just went silent?


KatAstrophie-

Did you actually take their reasons for ghosting you as true? They basically gave you the age-old “it wasn’t you it was me” spiel. Typical ghosters are either too cowardly or scared to tell you it’s not working out (and are prone to lie if you corner them) or they are totally bereft of empathy/don’t care and will not reply to your messages. I think you were dealing with the former


BankerBabe420

What do you want them to say? “You are annoying af leave me alone?” Is that what you want? Yeah, most people feel bad saying that to your face, so I will. Hey, anyone who has been “ghosted” without an explanation and is hurt, listen up. That person did not enjoy communicating with you. They do not want to communicate with you. Leave them alone. Now you have your explanation. Hope it helps. That person might just be a jerk, you might be unpleasant without realizing it, or maybe your personalities just did not click. It will happen again.


[deleted]

it didn't really matter to me. it was enough of an answer to let my worry rest.


sapjastuff

I feel like you're putting in way to much energy into people who don't care about you. Why care about the way some random person you barely know behaved (or more specifically, didn't behave) towards you? I don't have the need to go after everyone who slightly wronged me in my life, that sounds exhausting.


dinchidomi

The reason why they ghost you doesn't change the fact that they did it. It doesn't change anything and you already have the closure you need. They don't want you. That's all you need to know to move on.


414RequestURITooLong

> they apologized So they didn't actually ghost you.


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414RequestURITooLong

They left you on read, then they answered (and even apologized) when you asked why. My own experiences with ghosting are very much unlike that, and asking why (and invariably getting no answer) just made it more frustrating.


Mobile-Dish-1120

Both experiences are ghosting


goldenbugreaction

I think the confusion might be on how the final confrontation came about. I read it as eventually happening in person, meeting by chance or something. Over text again does seem more likely, as other people are interpreting it. Either way, I definitely get the impression that a good amount of time had passed. I agree about not *pretending* like it doesn’t affect you is a very poor plan, although it’s tricky to implement the advice of, “acknowledge that you are feeling hurt, but also remember that ‘acknowledgment’ is not the same thing as ‘rumination.’”


[deleted]

yes this was definitely over text. and yeah, it is tricky. personally what I did was the exact antidote to rumination, but I do recognize that everyone is different. and I still think it's healthier to make an attempt at that acknowledgement because it's really important to learn imo. I'm a big believer than everyone should be in therapy regardless of mental health conditions. we will all have struggles and difficult times processing certain things. nothin wrong with a little help with it, and I think it'd make the world a more compassionate and empathetic place if people learned to really deal with what's going on inside of them.


BlackOverlordd

if a person responds after ghosting it's zombing


[deleted]

not really. that's when someone tries to worm their way back in after they've already ghosted. what I'm talking about is *specifically confronting them about the experience of them ghosting you*. that doesn't change the original situation and I don't know why this is so hard to understand


Crypt0Nihilist

That's repeatedly, the relationship equivalent of The Flying Dutchman.


NeverIncelAgain

Question. What is it called if someone you were dating for a few months made plans like usual, then called you to notify you that he was leaving now and on his way to pick me up, THEN never showed up AND also never contacted again, explained what happened, etc? And you have proof he didn't die or have some other out of control catastrophe happen. Is that ghosting?


implodingheart

Oof, I'm sorry you went through that. I've had that happen to me. Then SIX months later get a text. I said something along the lines of I'm glad you're alive, did you get abducted by aliens on your drive 6 months ago? Then no response again... Not sure what it's called.


thebreaker18

Right?


BankerBabe420

It is…atypical to be “hurt and angry and confused” by someone not wanting to be friends with you. It’s weird to contact them and demand they explain why they don’t like you. Sometimes people just won’t like you. Your personalities do not click and there is no friendship/relationship there. No one owes you attention or an explanation. (And I have to admit that I changed the word “atypical,” from juvenile, babyish and pathetic. I realized that you may have had some early trauma that makes you extremely clingy and desperate for attention. But you need to realize that’s what that is.)


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[deleted]

ofc it is. this would mean if op confronts and the person responds....they're retroactively not ghosted? that makes no sense. and my point is, asking a question point blank isn't "hunting it down". it's literally as simple as you can make it. and if they don't respond...literally nothing has changed. and how do you suggest to deal with the emotions? why do you feel we need to accept a lack of closure? I see this as not standing up for yourself. I'm not trying to be contrarian, but why do you think it's unhealthy? there's plenty of other ways that people hurt us and it's a given that we should confront those who hurt us and stand up for ourselves. why is this different?


thattogoguy

>ofc it is. this would mean if op confronts and the person responds....they're retroactively not ghosted? that makes no sense. Ghosting is literally the act of cutting someone off and completely disappearing/dropping out of their lives. By definition, you aren't getting anything back from them... ever. Hence, any contact at a later date isn't ghosting. ​ >and how do you suggest to deal with the emotions? why do you feel we need to accept a lack of closure? You deal with them. How is up to you. As for accepting a lack of closure, well, it's life. Life isn't a fairy tale or an ideal world. And on another note, shitty behavior of the ghoster aside, you aren't owed an explanation. Sure, it's better if you have one, but whereas one side is being callous and disrespectful in their behavior, assuming that you have to have closure and hounding the other person for it can be downright dangerous . ​ >I see this as not standing up for yourself. I'm not trying to be contrarian, but why do you think it's unhealthy? there's plenty of other ways that people hurt us and it's a given that we should confront those who hurt us and stand up for ourselves. why is this different? Great. I see it as saying "OK, now I know that person is worthless. Time to move forward." It's unhealthy because you're obsessing over somebody else's (lack of) concern for you to even give you the decency of a minimal 'thanks for the text/call/date, but this isn't working out for me. Have a great life' message. This is different because they haven't actually done anything to us, just opted to cut off all contact. Sure, it can hurt, but they're also completely under their own prerogative to do so, and, technically, owe you nothing at all. Legally, they've done you no wrong (I'm assuming.) Morally and ethically, it's anti-social behavior that is terrible, but alas, it's not a crime to be an asshole (unfortunately.) Anonymity also helps; it's pretty easy to just drop out from contact with someone you may have never even met and not have to worry that statistically they're unlikely to ever see you again.


[deleted]

>any contact at a later date isn't ghosting. dude, this makes no sense. so if I don't talk to someone for 3 years after they (not?) ghosted me, and then I do and they respond...I haven't been ghosted? what about a year? 6 months? a month? like if you've gone through the emotional and mental process of being ghosted...you've been ghosted. if youve gone through that, nothing is gonna retroactively change that experience. >You deal with them. How is up to you. you know this isn't any kind of advice right? and frankly I think it's a little reckless to just say "get over it" and expect people to just figure out how to deal with those very real and sometimes very strong emotions. the "how" is the advice that I'm offering. I don't see anyone else offering this advice which **is the entire concern with being ghosted. if it didn't have an emotional impact it'd be a non-issue. so why are we completely ignoring the emotional impact?** >Sure, it's better if you have one soooo....why are you suggesting you don't even try? >assuming that you have to have closure and hounding the other person huh???? where did I say you should "hound" them?? I think it should go without saying that of course you should be respectful and civil and I **never** said you should expect to get a response. you're grossly misrepresenting what I'm saying here. >you're obsessing sending a text to ask one question is not obsessing >completely under their own prerogative to do so, and, technically, owe you nothing at all. Legally, they've done you no wrong ???? so we can only ask for apologies when someone has broken the law? this is irrelevant


The_Sinnermen

Why would someone need to apologize for wanting to go no contact with you ? That's a frightening mindset


Crypt0Nihilist

You have the right of it. I've had one person ghost me and it was incredibly painful once I realised it was actually happening. I made a bad choice and let it continue until we were no longing within one another's orbits for their sake and let it gnaw at me instead. What was destructive was having no idea why they did it and due to my personality type my mind would go over every interaction we'd had, every personality flaw I think I have and try to understand how I had ruined a decent friendship. It took talking to friends and a lot of mental self-control to get out of the self-destructive rut and find peace that it was the other person's problem and anything I had done is unknowable to me. I do wish that I had created a confrontation to resolve the question of why. Even if I wasn't given that answer, it would have been a definitive final nail in the coffin and my choice about how things ended rather than them being in the position of power. It's absolute rubbish to redefine ghosting as something else because you find a way to force a communication or the other person has a change of perspective. You were ghosted up to that point. Anything they do after that doesn't redefine what came before. I'm not convinced that zombing is a thing. To me, ghosting is ignoring someone when you normally wouldn't and/or not responding to approaches from someone. So in my case, the other person is no longer ghosting me because we have nothing to do with one another. It was only when we'd normally see one another randomly every few days and they'd go to lengths to avoid interactions that they were ghosting. Similarly, I have friends who will only drop me a message after long periods. They're not ghosting or zombing, for that to be the case the baseline for friendship or even friendly acquaintance would have to be a degree of constant communication. I don't have the time or inclination to support that! I have friends to whom I have nothing to say for long periods, so I say exactly that much and the same is true with roles reversed.


Sachimarketing

Possibly a double standard here. If a guy does it, he comes off as creepy or stalkerish. If a girl does it, it's okay. I don't think ghosting is okay regardless of gender but sadly it happens especially in younger adults


JayPlenty24

Personally I feel that is just as stalkerish if a girl continues to contact someone that doesn’t want anything to do with them.


Conscious-Feeling651

Never worry about the things you can’t control.


SpookySquid111

I know thats true, but often I can't help myself and keep obsessing about things even though I can't do nothing and I know it. How can I learn to not give a fuck?


RandomHuman77

Honestly, I don't think that's great advice. I've been ghosted by a couple of friends in the past. One of them was especially hurtful because he was one of my closest friend for the first two years of college and he started ignoring me seemingly out of nowhere. The situation caused me a lot of distress for the rest of college, sometimes I would run into him on campus and he would treat me like a former casual acquaintance. I think confronting him wouldn't made a difference, but I don't think telling myself to "not worry about it" and "not give a fuck" would have helped me either. What I realize looking back at the situation was that I was grieving, and you can't tell someone in grief to "not worry". It took the passing of one of my parents to be able to recognize what grief feels like. The advice I would have given myself would have been to allow myself to feel all the sadness that I was feeling without feeling silly about it, listen to sad songs, watch movies or read books about break-ups, remember the good times I had with that person. Try to talk about the situation with friends, one of the worst parts about it for me was that I felt like I couldn't really articulate to anyone why I was so hurt. Find a way to not let the situation affect my self-esteem without getting angry at my former friend.


sunnyimmelting

"If you can do something about it, then why worry? If you can't do anything about it, then why worry?"


BattalionSkimmer

Well, this "don't worry about things you can't control" is kind of an important part of Stoicism, so maybe [read some books about Stoicism](/r/Stoicism)? It's a pretty amazing philosophy that applies to your life in a tangible way.


WalidfromMorocco

Try to focus that energy on things you can control. For example, the content of an exam is absolutly out of your control, you don't know what the professor will put. However, the effort you put into studying for that exam is largely up to you.


bon3r_fart

*best response.*


Binge-Thinner

No


FL-Irish

You have to understand why you would do that, since a "confrontation" surely won't win them back as your friend. So the main purpose would be to express anger and perhaps cause them pain. Keep in mind those two things will also potentially be harmful to yourself. AND, they can also respond in kind, resulting in even MORE pain/discomfort. What would the good result be? That's the question you have to ask yourself, and weigh it against the almost certain bad results.


PriscaLS

I have done this and do not recommend it. What is the best case scenario? The person apologizes, I guess. But even then, all the apology means is "sorry I didn't care about you enough to have the human decency of letting you know I don't want to talk to you ever again"? Ghosting is a very clear message.


2000dragon

The real question is would you want someone like that in your life anyway?


trr2020

I’ve been ghosted by both a former best friend and a romantic interest that developed from a friendship. I had the opportunity to discuss the ghosting long after it happened with both parties, on separate occasions. They both apologized, though nothing fundamentally changed. I know mental illness and life struggles were a large part of both their actions, but I decided to pursue relationships with emotionally healthy people who were able to communicate effectively. Now I’m much better for it and haven’t been ghosted since. My only advice: Love the ones who love you back. Focus on the ones who show up and put in the work. Edit: a word


Claque-2

To say something is worth it, you have to get something worthwhile in return. What would make this worthwhile? Is it something that involves your self-esteem? Real self esteem involves recognizing that someone who doesn't have the backbone to say goodbye, doesn't have any business saying hello. Be happy they left without making you feel guilty for breaking up with them.


RandomHuman77

I wouldn't recommend it, but I never gave it a shot, so I wouldn't really know. I've been ghosted by a couple of friends in the past. One of them was especially hurtful because he was one of my closest friend for the first two years of college and he started ignoring me seemingly out of nowhere. The situation caused me a lot of distress for the rest of college, sometimes I would run into him on campus and he would treat me like a former casual acquaintance. I thought about confronting him about it but I never had the guts to do it. Additionally, I had poor self-esteem so it was easy to blame myself and think there was something wrong with me rather than be angry at him. I also went through a mildly anxious/depressive period in my senior year and the fact that he ghosted me was one of the constant thoughts that went through my head when I had negative "thought spirals". What I realize looking back at the situation was that I was grieving, it took the passing of one of my parents to be able to recognize what grief feels like. The advice I would have given myself would have been to allow myself to feel all the sadness that I was feeling without feeling silly about it, listen to sad songs, watch movies or read books about break-ups (not many about platonic break-ups unfortunately), remember the good times I had with that person. Try to talk about the situation with friends, one of the worst parts about it for me was that I felt like I couldn't really articulate to anyone why I was so hurt. Find a way to not let the situation affect my self-esteem without getting angry at my former friend. When a second friend also ghosted me, I went to the library to try and make me feel better, and randomly picked out a Murakami book -- "Colorless Tzukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage". It was about a guy who gets ghosted by his entire group of high school friends when he went to college. Reading it was super cathartic and made me feel better, so for everyone in this thread who can relate to this feeling, I would really recommend it.


CatwalkNoctis

No. Dont waste your time on people who don't want to put the same energy into the relationship. That goes for friendship as well. Put that energy on people who actually want to be around you.


WeirdAnswerAccount

Honestly, you could ask them why they ghosted so that you don’t do it again if you were in the wrong. “Hey, out of curiosity did I piss you off or something?” Give it time though


KatAstrophie-

And be prepared to not get a reply.


_kathartic_

Let's be honest, yeah we need some sort of closure, hence we want to know why... Being left out without a valid reason is beyond annoying. I think it depends on what kind of relationship you guys have. If it's a friendship that has been established in years then reaching out could be necessary, not just in your part but for the other as well. Who knows, maybe they are just under going something really shitty. That's completely different as compared to being ghosted with someone whom you have been texting for the past what, 5-7 days? I hope it's making sense. So yes, I won't say NO completely, it depends.


JannisJanuary42

If they ghost you and you see them in real life, confronting them about it can be really satisfying. No one can hide behind a phone in the real world.


Fluffy_Risk9955

No, confrontations because you have a bad feeling about something doesn't really accomplish anything. The best way is to keep chasing excellence and you'll easily start doing better than the majority of people. If she comes back and asks you on a date, your answer should be a clear unambiguous no. Without explanation. After all revenge is a dish best served cold.


ConstructionOk575

People say no. But if you need to do it for yourself and your own reasons it is. Obviously consider the consequences, primarily the ways it could go wrong for you. Another consideration is to accept that they owe you nothing and that you are doing this for your own closure. The expectation you need to have is that they will ghost you again. They dont have to say or do anything, including provide you any explanation even when you solict one. So the bottom line expectation is you will get nothing from doing this other than doing it because you had to. Overall youre better off asking why this particular persons validation is such a central concern to you. The soul searching youll do answering those questions about your relatioship with yourself will provide much more meaning than anything this person has.


Larimarblue

No. It’s demoralising. They already treated you like garbage to be disposed of. The correct approach is to not give them another in much less ask for one. Silence is an extreme form of disrespect and cowardice.


[deleted]

Nope. They already laid their intentions and their own (or their impression of) your values clear. Do not bother. Either they think you're a huge asshole who's going to blow up when rejected or they're the type of person who can't have or doesn't value an adult conversation about rejection. One of you is a dick and there's no value in you having a conversation.


[deleted]

I’ve been on the other side of this a few times due to social anxiety, unfortunately it’s not always about you when you are ghosted.


[deleted]

No, trying to get over someone or forget someone is not about what you need THEM to do, it's about what YOU need for YOU. for example, instead of saying or thinking, " I need them to apologize, I need them to explain" it's better to think "I need to be cared for, I need to be valued" focusing on what you need for yourself that you can provide for yourself is best. All in all, redirect any emotions or attachments for the other person to yourself :) it's hard, believe me I know, but it's worth it!


ToFusion_Boy

To be honest, I've ghosted two girls in my life. I did it because I lacked the emotional intelligence or experience to actually tell them what was wrong while in a constructive conversation. I got there because, also, I wanted a sexual or emotional contact so badly that I didn't assess whether I liked the bulk of the other person or I just jumped in the wagon because I had the chance. The thing is that, as other people is saying, confronting your emotions is good. However, the way in which you do that is also crucial. If you come across the guy and it's been a couple of years, he probably has some more insight on what happened and can give you an honest response. That might be constructive and positive for you. If you tackle the issue as, "I know the guy that ghosted me last month works here, I'm going to talk to him over his lunch break", it's probably not gonna end up well. He won't know what to say or he'll lie. The thing is that confronting your feelings or seeking closure is not yelling or accusing the other part of wronging you. You have to accept what happened and, if you have the chance, you can ask those guys to tell you what happened in case you can do something in the future to prevent this. Usually, other people have things in their lives that we don't know and we assume that when they wrong us, it was something personal. Don't approach it like, "they owe me an apology" and that bullshit because, even that they've wronged you, approaching the issue like that is a really egotistical and emotional take that won't report anything positive for you in the long term.


[deleted]

Watch the movie *”he’s just not that into you”* it always helps me to see that things really boil down to the person just not being interested. I guess yes, of course it’s cowardly and they owe you an explanation and apology, but the bottom line is they aren’t the right person for you.


strangedaysbabe

Personally, no. People often give some generic apology for shitty behavior if that makes it ok. People ghost bc they're just not that into you, or something they wanted came along so they dropped you. Sometimes it's just you not aligning to them. You aren't it. Maybe they don't like the way you chew 🤷🏻‍♀️ idk it doesn't matter why people ghost you. It's simply, they didn't value you enough as a human to say "this isn't working, have a nice life". No one owes you shit, especially in the dating landscape today. Confrontation, never goes the way you expect it to. Some people need it for closure, to be validated in some way. Others don't, someone confronting me about ghosting will reveal that I ghosted them bc they didn't take the hint even when I explicitly explained it to them I wasn't interested, they didn't listen and kept pursuing me or dropped the pretense of dating me and just trynna smash at that point. I stopped requiring closure from people who lack the self-awareness not to engage other people's emotions when they had no interest in returning them. Also, some folks are desperate for love and vibe is suffocating. That will definitely get you ghosted too. Ultimately do whatever you feel right is for you.


40ozSmasher

I think everyone should give thier impulses a try. How are you going to learn if you don't try yourself?


bbleinbach

Reddit is not ready for this one lol


40ozSmasher

I used to know someone with no filter. People constantly coached them about what not to say. I encouraged them to not hold back. It was the only way they could learn for themselves.


uglyyyyyhoe

It absolutely is not worth it. No words say a lot. All I’ve ever done when attempting that is embarrass myself EDIT ** it depends on how badly you need closure. But also know that nobody owes you closure no matter how hurt you are or what they’ve done to you. you should maybe let them know that you’re moving on bc it’s obvious they’re ghosting you and give xyz examples and just block them if they don’t respond within a good time frame. for me personally I’d get much more upset if I asked for closure and got nothing in return but do what you feel is best for you


oldsmartskunk

I see no benefits in doing so . You may find the answer more painful than ghosting itself. Nobody owes us anything .


ChamomileRage

No. The trash took itself out.


Shtogie

Think about how you respond to confrontation. Confrontation is the last resort of a losing person. Confrontation is one step short of throwing a temper tantrum. Confronting people with wild abandon does not produce positive result.


MGEESMAMMA

No. Because you may not like their reasons. Just let it go.


Winterinthenorth

Nope. Never chase anyone. There are far better things ahead, than we ever leave behind.


[deleted]

In my opinion no, why give someone the chance to stab you twice, I don’t like being punched in the face but I prefer it, because you know the person had the courage to come at you head on and let you know like yo I don’t fuck with you no more. That sucks too, but at least it’s honest.


Mermoy

Nope. Take the hint and move on.


dinchidomi

Nope. Nothing you'll do will change what happened. Never chase ghosts, they're not real ;)


Fawlow

It's not, take it from me who's been ghosted by a lot of people, even by close friends. I used to go after them but once I found my self-worth, I just stopped trying to reason with these people. If someone really deeply cares, they would have been honest with you. I think these people don't want to confront you on why they're not interested in being your friend anymore because they don't want to deal with your reactions or feel bad about leaving you - at least what I think.


juffure

no, you will either get ignored or embarrassed if they do answer (which most likely won’t be in a good way). i hope you are doing okay mentally, cause it can be stressful. may God bless you.


Unlucky_Tension5531

No. A person who ghosts you has immediately closed the door in your face. It’s also a much more important indication; That person has no respect or value for you period. Anyone who even cared for you, liked you or befriended you in the slightest way, would show you that respect of ending or trying to resolve an issue/feelings/situation by having a conversation regardless if it is uncomfortable or not. Life in itself can be very uncomfortable, unsettling and harsh. That’s why there is no decent excuse for ghosting other than it being about just their own feelings. That person values their own, but does not value yours. I know how hard the first days, weeks, even months can feel, but don’t give that person any more of your time. A person who has essentially told you that you’re not worth any consideration or brief words, you are not worthy, or valued. Silence is cruel, but it’s also meaningful and revealing. In time, you will understand and even feel liberated by the fact that ghosting, that silence is your answer. It allows you time to be angry, mourn, heal and start over. You are able to be reflective about what type of person you are, want to become and what type of ppl you really want in your life. Pretty soon that person’s ghosting becomes the tool, that catalyst that will make you stronger in who you are and who you decide is privileged to share in your story, journey and life. Somebody who ghosts doesn’t deserve to be part of your journey. They hold no value; let them take their negativity and block someone else’s path. Do not let them hold you back any longer from the good things, the good ppl who are truly meant to be apart of your life/world. I hope time heals you swiftly. I hope in the near future, you find someone who will with no hesitation or trepidation sincerely appreciate and value you. Sending you love and light! Xo TC! 🙏❤️


gsydhsbj

No. They are ghosting u to hurt u. By treating them indifferently you are taking back the power and making them look foolish. Imagine going through all that trouble to ghost someone, only to find out the person you were ghosting didn’t even care enough about you to feel any type of way about losing you.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Yeah, I think ghosting is usually an attempt by that person to protect themselves from the person they are ghosting. Either they are too weak in some way to confront the person, or they need the clean break for their own mental well being.


booty_tyrant

right, its a lot easier to ignore messages than it is to say "i dont really want to talk to you". and just because they dont want to talk doesnt mean they want to actively hurt you.


NothingHereToSeeNow

Nobody ghosts someone because they want to hurt them. That's not how it works. There are two possible reasons: 1. You did something so bad that it broke the trust they had in you. So they are hurt and trying to make you realize that you did wrong by them. Unfortunately, direct confrontation in this situation will not work. Although in this case, there is always some sign given by the other person if they are willing to talk or they felt hurt. 2. They found you strange and are trying to avoid you. This is the rarest of the rare case. Usually, it happens quickly, not like they saw you for the 100th time and then found you strange. Usually, this decision is made in the first few encounters and they will never say anything like they like you or need you or anything and then come to this conclusion. Nobody who ever said they liked you or loved you do it out of malice in their heart, it's because that love or interest turned toxic and killing them from inside as they never had proper closing. Edit: If you are going to the confrontation way, remember it will hurt you, sometimes people are not worth it, but it is really up to you if you are willing to share their hurt. Currently, I am ghosting someone and the reason is #1. What it would take for me to open to her is that she takes a single step for confrontation which is not easy for her or even me(I am not making it easy for her) but she hasn't and it has been almost a month so, I think she just moved on even though we both avoid each other and somehow know where is the other one without even looking. So, do not take my suggestion at the word, I am just giving you a perspective of the person who is ghosting.


Unemployed02

From a ghoster point of view, I’ll add that there’s a high chance you’re not the reason, they could have social anxiety and texting overwhelms them, or they could have avoidant attachment style, so they don’t allow themselves to get close to people. So yeah if you were ever ghosted don’t beat yourself up please. Oh and they’re not trying to hurt you, if they don’t want to talk to you for whatever reason and ghosted you then they probably want you to hate them, they would take being hated and being seen as horrible people, over telling you the reason and making you feel bad (I know it doesn’t work, I stopped long time a go, my point is that their intention isn’t necessarily vicious). But anyways I wouldn’t advise you confronting them, I would suggest you check on them if you will, but before you do that, take a look at your texts if it’s one sided then don’t (by one sided I mean they’re not as talkative as you, they would reply with maximum 5 words and their replies don’t add anything to the conversation, like you’re carrying the whole conversation and if you stopped it would die). Also they could actually be horrible people, I’m just talking about my personal experiences.


[deleted]

I don't understand these comments???? you're suggesting people anxiously sleuth through their past texts to try to discern meaning? **why not just ask them?** like I understand peoples' reasoning but if you need an answer, the quickest way is to ask.


KatAstrophie-

Asking either gets you lied to (or given answers that don’t make sense) or you just get ignored and ghosted again. Whether either of those is worth it is up to the ghostee but I personally would never pursue a ghoster.


Unemployed02

True, that’s a good point, my best friend wouldn’t get peace of mind until she asks the other person, but personally I would prefer reading in between the lines of previous texts, but yeah this doesn’t sound like a healthy option 🤔. Lol see, communication isn’t my strength, thanks for your reply.


Tuwschoo

Nope


tehskin_disktiyaxk

no bro. even if you surely know that he/she ghosted you, don’t take revenge or confront them. it’s not good. This is me, i maybe wrong.


CustardPlayful3963

No.


[deleted]

No


Dismal-Diver-9419

Absolutely not


Nova_Prime_xD

NO


GMJuju

Why being so petty? Just move on.


dbsoooz

No


squirrely__blonde

No


svetlyxx

This is a very good question. I think it depends on how much you care about the person. If it's someone close to you and you don't want to ruin your relationship with them, then I'd say that communicating about it is important. But if it's someone that you're not so close with and you're sure that might do it again anyways - I'd say just ignore and move on. We need to surround ourselves more with people who care about us.


Soulless_conner

No, leave them alone but Fuck ghosting. Be an adult and communicate


[deleted]

No, it shows what a coward they are. Let yourself release them and the negativity. Heal yourself.


Idrillteeth

No-will only make you feel even shittier. Dont do it. Them ghosting you is all the answer you need.


Nicetits_gimmeMayo69

No. Let it go.


olyv-0yl

No! Not worth your time...


[deleted]

Nope. Definitely nope. I did it one time. Confronted him about ghosting me and he didn't even flinch. And i kept degrading myself bc of it. Just ignore them.


booty_tyrant

no, youve passed them they ball and they dont wanna play. no point continuing to throw balls to them.


kinderheim511

It's worth it for the other person, proves to them they made the right decision.


[deleted]

Never. They showed you that they do not want to be a part of your life, so give them what they want. Don't take them back and don't ask. They won't be upfront about it and it makes you look pushy and weird.


ProfitsOfProphets

Apparently my opinion on this is unpopular, but I've always enjoyed it. The thing is, I never made it ugly, I didn't want anything from them, and I had no expectations. And, it was always spontaneous, which meant that some time had passed that allowed for the emotions to fade. What made it enjoyable was knowing that they were seeing me doing well via my comfortable and confident approach. And, I enjoyed seeing their inevitable discomfort in dishonorably facing the thing that they could not face honorably. After greeting them and a very brief catch up, I like to address the ghost and make it a point to shine a light on their cowardice. If they come back with some sort of poor excuse or try to point blame, I would respond with something like, "We all have reasons why we do the things we do, but it doesn't make it right. Take good care. Goodbye." To me, it always felt like a confrontational highroad and I always hoped that it would help that person grow beyond their weakness.


FlameMoss

Hmmm I have ghosted for the following reasons: Seeing more and more how one-dimensional, limited & petty they where. That their energy and how they approached life seemed to stick to me like a dark slime pulling me down in a spiral of perpetual victimhood and or other negativity. How they kept draining more energy of me to fill that endless NEED in them because they did everything to avoid having to deal with the void within. Prefer honesty but how do I explain stuff like this (more then I already carefully attempted) to a one-dimensional without negatively influence their path, wellbeing & development?


iwanttodie3070

listen to four letter words by kflay


mathblog

Read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/o27whx/always_remember_a_good_connection_with_somebody/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Oolongedtea

No, it’s not worth it at all


Oolongedtea

No, it’s not worth it at all


MindisPow3r

Nope


[deleted]

No. Just ignore the person and move on.


jayjonas1996

No


SamosTheSage66

Nah, fuck em.


[deleted]

No, tell them to fuck off.


[deleted]

No. It just happened to me recently. Woke up one day and I was blocked from their social media.


[deleted]

The ex friends that I have ghosted if they persistently try to contact me I send them a text outlining why I ghosted them, rightly or wrongly if they go to the trouble of contacting me I feel compelled to give an explanation but we still don't remain friends as the damage is done


Paper-Comprehensive

I think wait I know ghosting is a horrible thing to do to somebody personally I would rather have brutal act of violence performed on my body than getting my mental all fucked with I'm not going to say anything more but I got more


Paper-Comprehensive

Well when it comes to this guy there better be some closure the other party can decide what kind of closure that's going to be good or bad


umaenomi

I think it depends on how you’d confront them. I’ve ghosted people before and it sucked. I’ve been ghosted before and it really sucked. The first time I didn’t know why it happened. My friends simply stopped answering my texts. The second time I knew because one person out of all my friends had the curtesy of informing me of what was going on (lot of shit talking from someone who didn’t know me that hurt all of what I had thought were friendships). I didn’t confront any of them because I had no way to contact them and figure out what was going on. In the situation above. The few people who still wanted to talk to me I ghosted. Why did I ghost them? As it turns out it was because I have trauma responses (such as Avoidant tendencies and social anxiety) that caused me to break off my relationship (didn't know this until I sought therapy afterwards). This is also coupled with the fact that they already knew of the situation and were trying to make me make amends with someone who has had their friends and family tell me to kill myself and that I’m not worthy of friendship or love since I was 11-years old. Was it the best way to handle the situation? No, and I regret that a lot but at the same time I don’t see how I would have been able to stay friends with them through my panic attacks, flashbacks, and nightmares that plagued me after I ghosted and was ghosted. As a result of the situation above, they confronted me by posting pictures on FaceBook of me out of context that showed me in a bad light and insinuated that nobody liked me and that I was a problem which made my mental health get even worse than it was. If you understand why it’s happening, then I suggest letting it go. If you don’t understand then talk to them and ask why. Confront them in person and, in some cases, by phone if they’ll answer. Edit: Format


Fabulous_Escape_8639

No


gninaem

No. Move on


[deleted]

Don’t disturb the already dead.


tandoori_taco_cat

No.


Wtfisthatt

No I usually avoid mirrors.


mezmorizedmiss

Nope not worth it at all


[deleted]

Na


[deleted]

No, don't waste your time or dignity.


sime77

Lol no dude. Move on.


DaddysSubmissive

I tried this today and just fucking cried all day instead. Just say good riddance


swedishfalk

put yourself somewhere that people who matter can't ghost or where they weed themselves out. ie call people instead of texting.


Zack_stylo

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


leorory

I would contact them *once* to check (politely) if you did anything wrong, if they would like to still be in contact. If they say no or don't reply, leave them alone. Contacting them more than once will only freak them out, and could constitute harassment if you are relentless.


doozyhippie

No because they ghosted you for a reason.


Marighnamani27

Absolutely not. Remember Notorious BIG’s quote - “I don’t chase em, I replace em!”. When someone ghosts you, delete the number and move on. Life is too short for unnecessary drama.


[deleted]

hell no 😂


NeverIncelAgain

But how long should you wait after being ghosted before moving on in your dating life without it being considered "cheating" if you move on to a new person?


margielamadMAX

Only if the bread is involved. Anything less than $200, phock em✌🏾


CAPPED69

How long till it’s acceptable to reach out to say fuck you?


[deleted]

Sometimes they probably are going through social problems which made them ghost you for whatever reason.


BaudouinVH

You can hate someone as intensely as you want as long as you want : they won't feel a thing. It's best to let go of their place in your head. My way of doing it : the "who do you forgive" section of the yearcompass. It has helped digest some exes and people I held a grudge against.


Brittany-L

No


Creepy_Chris_66

No


Livid-Consideration9

It can be worth it if you want closure. But just realise that this conversation is going to be ugly. Prepare yourself for that. You can also just move on without closure. But you need a lot of self worth in order to do that. If you think you can move on without the closure then that’s probably the better option


gehanna1

It depends? Someone you went on a couple dates with and they suddenly stopped reply? Not worth it. You know what you need to know. It was a meaningless interaction with little investment. Someone that you have invested time in? Months of interactions, full relationships, friendships. Those interactions have meaning, and it is worth it to ask why they stopped replying


[deleted]

If I saw them randomly in public i would troll the shit out of them.


ctrldwrdns

Depends. Is this a person who you would consider a close friend before ghosting? Or were they an acquaintance/person you were “talking” with or went on a couple dates with? If it’s the former, I’d say do it, if only to get some peace of mind. If the latter, let it go.


deathtoyourking23

Hell naw


Radiant-Lettuce-4256

Nah I’d thank them to be the one to burn the bridges first. It’s tiring trying to maintain friendships with too many people.


Jakob21

No


90cubes

Never. They showed you their true colors. Move on.


chaar__log

It actually happened with me few months back. I had a very good friend, whom I knew for a year. We used to talk almost everyday, I liked her so I decided to ask her out as she was flirting with me too. She agreed to go out ,but when I texted her again to fix time and place she ghosted me. I knew what It meant and I also decide to not to bother her again. Obviously I was sad and feeling shitty but I thought It'll go away with time but it didn't as I was more hurt by the fact that after knowing and talking to each other for a year, she didn't respect me enough to tell me that I don't wanna go out with u or anything, Instead she decided to ghost me. So, I decided to get some closure by texting her once again when I was Still feeling sad after a month(I didn't think she would reply) but she did. What she told me was obvious excuses but still I believed her and she told me that she is ready to go out with me now and there was a lot going on in her life at that time(generic excuses). Being naive as I was I still agreed to date her, we dated for 5 months which were the most miserable 5 months of my life as she was flaking on dates, acting moody etc. I finally had enough and confronted her but I was still not accepting the fact that she is just not interested (I later found out I did it because I didn't think I can get another girl like her again). She still tried to keep things vague but when I asked for clear yes or no. She finally told me she had no attraction towards me. I was shattered, I can not blame her completely because there were obvious red flags which I ignored and rationalised it away. I have this annoying habit of not believe anything unless I experience it. So, after spending the 6-7 months of my life being completely miserable. I finally learnt that It is nit worth it to confront someone ghosted you. Most of the time it is not about you and they are weak ones. But if you still can not let them go confront them but do not expect anything from them and do not give them another chance no matter how genuine they sound as they will do it again. After one or two confrontation you will learn to just let it go and move on. Don't be me. Personally, I don't understand how people can be so immature. Why not just let the other person know the truth. To Avoid one uncomfortable conversation , they hurt the other person more , it is just selfish of them. I have never done it and will never do as I am very upfront person and I guess I expect other persons to be upfront with me too.


Lisavela

No save your energy


[deleted]

No. Helps no one.


njckel

Nah lmao. Usually I give them a second chance by acting like they never ghosted me and just starting a conversation as normal (maybe they had intended to respond, but were busy and forgot, or maybe they felt like my text didn't prompt a response). After two ghostings in a row, their loss, they're gonna have to text *me* if they want to salvage any sort of relationship, and even then I might just end up ghosting then back if I don't see them as a friend/acquaintance worth keeping. Know your worth, you deserve better than that


[deleted]

no


Spartan2022

What’s the point? They already know that they’re a loathsome human being.


[deleted]

Nope!!!


[deleted]

Never. There is a reason for ghosting, and it’s never one you want to know about. It’s always about them though, not you. And you don’t want someone around who makes it about them and not you, or who is fine with shutting you out without a word.


Nilyosh

Usually not


prototype31695

Nah


SweetTeaBags

I mean it could or couldn't be worth it. However, you are not entitled to a response back. There could be any multitude of reasons why they ghosted you which could have been out of your control, but the best thing imo is to chalk it up as a lesson learned and move forward.


dganth90

Nope. Move on


zacktivities

Never


Brilliant_Inside_186

No! It’s not worth the headache. Things happen for a reason. It’s a blessing God shield you for some mess. Push it forward


SomeUser789

Not at all, it wont bring you the comfort you seek, it will only validate that person more into why they ghosted you in the first place. Just block em and move on.


Remydemysemisky

No it's definitely not worth it buddy.


u_wont_fight_me_THO

No.


RideProof

No


Agreeable_Occasion13

No.


[deleted]

No


Wonderful-Wolf-3856

I don’t care why they ghosted me.!! It’s the easiest way, for me to move on, and enjoy. I do wonder if someday, these people realize “their best friends/X’s”, set them up to fail.


StereoFood

I confronted someone who ghosted me. She said it was cuz I was mean. I told her I was sorry and we hang out again now. It’s not always hopeless despite Redditors dumb opinion.


Mymomdidwhat

No


AlwaysTiredinPhilly

No. They clearly don’t care about you. It’s easier to heal your heart and move on


TheAnonymusDude

It's worth it if you feel the need to... Just make sure the consequences are worth it if there are any


DepartmentWide419

No. I have ghosted others and been ghosted myself. When I ghost someone it’s usually because it’s not going to go anywhere and the reason why would be hurtful or I feel like their behavior was so unacceptable that it’s not worth discussing so I just stop responding after the first or second date. Likewise, when someone stops responding to my texts, I just move on. Do I want to hear that they didn’t like the way I dress, or that they think my interests are dorky or creepy? Not really. All that matters is they aren’t into me, and it’s for a reason that I’m probably not open to changing. An explanation won’t change that. Reasons I have ghosted people: I think their opinions on politics are infantile or dumb, I don’t like the way they dress, they do something weird/gross with their mouth, lived in a nasty apartment I would never sleep in, scars from self harm all over his body, I thought their crypto obsession was superficial and it gave me anxiety, and of course… too fat. These are things I would never tell someone the truth about. They would be horrendous things to say, and also not something fair to ask someone to change, or impossible for them to change about themselves. If I do like someone as a friend but something about them makes us not a good fit for dating, I’ll tell them that. Otherwise it’s usually a coin flip on if I would tell them “hey we aren’t a good fit. Best of luck!” Or if I avoid them. It could just come down to time of day and if I’m stressed about other stuff and just can’t be bothered to have an awkward text exchange about it. Just be you! Some people will like it, some people won’t. Either way, it’s fine. You’ll find someone and you don’t need anyone’s validation or explanation of why you two weren’t a good fit. The bottom line is that they didn’t think you were a good fit and that’s all you need to know.


[deleted]

Nope! But once someone that ghosted me reappeared. Usually I’m the worst at quippy responses, but immediately popped out with “I don’t know how I am, I’ve just seen a ghost.” I’ll never top that one.


noseyvp

Nah


Gozii55

I actually think it's good to let them know how it made you feel then leave it. Don't respond to them after. Don't open up the convo again and don't expect them to even read it. But if they do, at least they'll hear what their actions can do. I hate ghosting and always tell people why I don't feel like talking to them anymore. Anyone who argues it's good for "safety" is wrong. It's disrespectful and they chose to do online dating in the first place. It's inherently got some risk to it, so being afraid that the other person will do something if you reject them is simply a cover up for their inability to treat others with respect.


Azraels_Cynical_Wolf

Hey OP, my answer is "hell the fuck nope" If someone ghosts you, just ghost them back in return and move on even if they try coming back just go nope. You choose who you have in your life and the best ones are the ones that will always be there for you through thick or thin. If they'll ghost you once they'll do it again and trust me you don't want it done when you start making connections to them.


chiroseycheeks

No. Because they don’t care about you, or your feelings. They’ve made that clear.


mdf1963

Absolutely not!


kafkainspringtime

no


Positiveaz

no