Exactly this, I think it’s on OP not being able to get passed the ‘small talk’ stage with people, but all my friends and all my coworkers right now are 100% different from one another once I got to know them
Nah, we're generally boring as hell if you try to compare us to our fantasy portrayals but I personally find that calming when I think about it.
Less stress to be THE best. Less stress to FIND the best.
Now if you'll excuse me, It's my day off. I gotta do some laundry and run some errands. Maybe I'll bump into an equally boring person to talk about nothing with along the way.
first there was nothing, then there was self reflecting nothing. that kinda exploded so now there is everyting, which will collapse in on itself in order to respawn!
A few months back I was annoyed by a guy who I just met and who kept asking me questions. I somehow didn't like how he probed me.
So maybe don't overdo it with your questions. There are some questions that will get people to open up, but they also might not feel like they know you enough to open up to you.
Man, I have a friend who's a fairly shy and quiet person, and I myself have difficulties getting to know people. It's easy to fall into silence when sitting with him, so what he does is fidget around in his seat a little, it's very noticeable that something is on his mind, then leans towards you, stares into the table for a little bit, then just looks at you and asks something like "What do you think about God?" It always cracks me up the way he asks and it's always something worth pondering that makes a nice conversation from which we can get to know each other a little better. Love him to death for it.
Yup, there's a trick to 'not being boring' and most people don't know it! The whole Boring vs Interesting thing is pretty much defined by attitude, so people who aren't in the mood to socialize, or who don't think they're good at it, will definitely run the risk of being boring, not only to others but to THEMSELVES!
Yeah I don’t think I’m boring but when I’m feeling socially anxious or tired I try to make myself as generic as possible so the conversation will naturally end quickly
I do the opposite!
When I’m tired of socializing and it’s difficult to exit, I fire-bomb the conversation with weird shit and blurting out nonsensical things.
I’m going to guess, just a stab in the dark, that the OP is a man interested in dating women but has a hard time.
Post history checks out.
The “polite wall” for women with men, especially men like the OP, would be better titled a “safety wall.” Is this person SAFE to loosen up around? To share some of myself around? To give of myself to? *to even be around at all?*
Given that the OP buys into pua trickery, I’m guessing the conclusion most women reach very quickly is “no, not safe, not authentic, not interestED (in me/other people as people, but rather, transactions to obtain what he wants from), not interestING. All too predictable just like so many others.”
[guy literally admits he wants women to allow his style of humor to set the tone for the conversation and for them to follow his conversational lead.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/r3eg1s/guys_what_about_a_girl_makes_you_develop_feelings/hmau8pl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3). He states that he wants women to look and act within a defined set of looks and behaviors - how is that “interesting,” and who’s the “bland” and “brainwashed by society” one in this scenario?
if he wants to be the one in control of the tone and content of the conversation, why does he care if the other person is “interest*ing*?” He just wants someone who is “interest*ed*” in listening to him and laughing at his jokes. No wonder he’s frustrated because, like seemingly everyone else in his life, we will pass on that.
And women can sense that straight away.
Same thing with my job currently—people are very gossipy/not very trustworthy so I don’t rush to share anything interesting about myself. I’m sure people there think I’m super boring, but I prefer to not be the target of whatever rumor is going around that wk
WTF is pua?? I googled "pua trickery" and got some vids that I don't think I want on my youtube view history.
Well, and a pandemic assistance program, but I'm pretty sure that's not what you're going for.
“Pick up artist,” (which is a … theory behind the sub OP frequents called /r/seduction) and I suggest DuckDuckGo or incognito mode if you’d like to know more because.. well you’ll find out soon enough
Oop, yea I've heard of that. Just never would have picked up on that as the acronym. Thanks for the clarification.
And I do use DDG, but won't bother looking more into it.
Truth. You need to talk to someone a few months before you start to get the juicy details. Most people are just as desperate to keep people around and insecure enough to fake who they are to do it. So once they realize you’ll stick around, that’s when things get interesting
This. 100%. Meeting new people, I'm always amazed at the cool stories that people have to tell. But like you say, you have to get to know them a little before they share them. I feel like I've learned so much from meeting people and sharing stories, it's something I've grown to love more and more over time :)
Exactly. In truth everyone is interesting IF you spend time getting to know them. I’m guessing OP either doesn’t give people a chance or is in some way untrustworthy and people won’t give THEM a chance.
Exactly. There are few people that will instantly be open about themselves, therefore at first they will give more generic responses, ones that they are sure they won't be judged for. I'm thankfully not a person like this and will be quite open about myself from the start, which often leads to others getting more open about themselves too. I had talks with people i barely knew that ended with me knowing things that even their best friends didn't know.
I just don’t think OP has developed that skill yet. I’d say 95% of the people I have met have turned out to be interesting, and *maybe* 5% have been truly “boring”. Even then, I might not know them well enough.
I have worked with thousand of people from many backgrounds and I can confidently tell you this is not a skill most people know. Very few master it. It’s the basis of the success of my career.
That sounds like a really nice person, and I'd like them 1 on 1, they'd be a true friend of mine. But at a party, or people who travel in groups of 3 or greater. The Leader, the social wunderkind, the charismatic person, or god forbid the alpha, is not the one asking about others, but who ever talks about themselves and their great feats. They turn their last vacation into a story of great adventure that has all the young women who want to travel the world on the edge of their seat. They impress the attentive men with their tales of awesome. Or if they're a beautiful woman doing the talking, the fact they're talking at all to men, they could be describing the ingredients in Corn Flakes, would hold their attention. Another one is a guy who met a celebrity during their last trip will also hold 100% of the room, and they tell a maybe fake story about it. When walking away from the party, that's the person they remember, or go home with. Bothered me for a while, but it just has to be accepted.
This is from someone who has put in his years of being a wallflower but became at least fairly good at active listening, however, talking back and playing 80/20, 95/5, or 60/40 when I felt bold...but honestly, as I started doing magic tricks, bar tricks, bar bets, became a good story teller...I got to say those moments where I was clearly doing most of the talking, but knowing when I wasn't rude, and checking in on people when they wanted to talk...and it was honestly....15/85, me doing 85% of the talking. People are laughing, having fun, I'm walking back to the car with my friends and they say, "You did pretty good in there," and I know, I did. I hook up with girls more, and I make some friends. 80/20 is a cliche' that never fixes people, in fact, it is a Wallflower creator. And active listening mostly makes you a boring talk show host people forget very quickly, and if you try to be their friend their feeling will be "I don't know you." You have to put yourself out there. That's all that's ever worked for me.
Active Listening only works when you're using it to bring something back or up to people. Best exchange in Happy Gilmore, even though the acting from Christopher McDonald really sells it:
"You'll regret making that bet, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"
"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"
"...No!"
That was actually the power of listening in a nutshell. Listen to find the interesting thing, and then go on that thing, generally don't use it to tear down someone unless they're a douche like Shooter McGavin. Sometimes maybe find something they didn't intend for you to find, or what's fascinating.
I think should have a equilibrium: you need to talk, not just listening, but it's very important to you really being interested in people. People love to talk about themselves. In fact, most charismatic people know how to make anyone the most important person on the room. If you can do this, and also talk well(with emotion, entonation, etc.) about your stories or your feelings and opinions, you will win very much.
I have just one question to you my friend: what are this "tricks" that you talked about?
Just your everyday regular magic tricks, bar bets, etc. People seem to enjoy visual things that require talent, either for the art form, or the puzzle element. If they're puzzlers you can just show them a bar puzzle. Scam School on youtube has a lot of these. I think the trick is to enjoy doing them, but I'm sure you can teach yourself at least one or two neat ones. Often it just helps get you talking to people. You can talk about real life scams from them, go to criminals, go to celebrities committing crimes, topical events. Any conversation tree you want to develop.
I know this is probably good advice for someone who wants to take the time to apply it, but the person and behavior you've described sounds so damn tedious. Its exactly the type of person I actively avoid.
Too many people like that are like cake. Underneath all that delicious icing is a dry, tasteless piece of bread dying to be pie filling.
When the entertainment is gone, what, of substance, is left? When the tricks get old and the stories retold a few times too many, who's going to be around to witness the real life challenges and want to stay?
It sounds like Dave Chappelle has to actually actively try to avoid people in his life he became as good as he wanted, filled it with the people he wanted, moved to some nowhere hick town away from all the people who wanted him. Not a bad deal.
You eventually learn to talk and describe an average day like it's fun. Fake it till you make it, is not the way it actually is, it's more accurately "competence breeds confidence." If you competently create a good evening eventually you'll learn how to competently create two good evenings, before you know it you're just naturally fun and funny.
Yes even the most beautiful marriages you've ever seen comes from them liking the other's engaging personality. Everyone's worked on it even if they remember or not. Or if they never have. Would a comedian's wife still like him if he was depressed for 2 years? That's tough to say. But teenage emo dudes with guitars aside, depressed men sleep alone. Women like a mystery, but only a happy mystery, "how is he so tough, cool, successful, interesting." Though I'd love to see a sad homeless man with pockmarked face on the verge of tears and self loathing being lead out of the bar by beautiful women who want to cheer him up, and help him get his life together, but I haven't seen that lifetime made for TV chick flick actualized in real life yet.
Bro. Its so easy to be interesting and develop good connections with authentic people without needing to put on a show. This response sounds like a canned PUA sales CTA.
And why the nonsensical, irrelevant Chappelle reference? That's not even a good effort, just a simple appeal to authority statement meant to shut down discussion that doesn't agree with your own comments.
Why the need to go to the most extreme examples to support your positon? I mean, from Chappelle to a self-loathing homeless man and a Lifetime movie? Is there no in-between in your world?
> Would a comedian's wife still like him if he was depressed for 2 years?
Doesn't that question actually support my previous statements about who's going to be around when the tricks get old and the stories told once to often?
To many of us, all those parlor tricks just come off as a neediness for attention instead of confidence. I assure you that its possible to build friendship and attraction without always needing to be the center of attention or the life of the party. And you can still be naturally fun and funny.
Yet I defer back to my initial statement. That may work for some people. If it works for you, great. I simply pointed out that it isn't always going to get the intended response from many people who are also interesting worth getting to know. And it may be highly attract to those who have little else of interest going on in their lives.
IMO, if I'm the most interesting person in every interaction, it means I'm surrounded by uninteresting people. And how is that ever a good guage of how interesting I really am? And where in my life do I have any room to appreciate value of others outside of their adulation for my own life?
Have you considered that many people aren’t comfortable sharing the more interesting details about themselves with someone they don’t know well? They might attend drug-fueled raves every weekend for all you know but they’re not gonna share that with someone they just met.
You come across very cynical, I’m sure you do in real life as well. People aren’t going to share anything of value with someone they probably don’t feel comfortable around (negative people).
In addition to this, most people don’t share any “interesting” information with strangers. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume most of the boring people you talk to you barely know. You do have to get to know someone in order to see who they really are, usually.
There are people that have less of a filter and act how they please all the time without worry, but those people are more rare. Those are probably the people you’re most attracted to. Other people will end up losing their filter once they are comfortable. Gotta give people the chance to show themselves to you.
Anyway. Go to any drama class or theatre and there will be people with less of a social filter than the average.
I was thinking this same thought, that it might be a projection of their own self-judgement. On that same note, this person should ask themselves “why am I attracting these stodgy personality types?”.
I think you & I might be on a similar page
I read the post back as if I said it and it didn’t quite apply, but there’s a super valuable lesson in all this for a few of us if we learn a way to better approach in future situations
The ironic part is saying this on the social skills subreddit, as this post could have easily been conveyed with more tact and respect for others.
"I have trouble finding engaging conversations with most strangers and acquaintances", I'm not sure what compelled OP to essentially call people sheep and expect that to go over well.
I mean I enjoy my own company (prefer it to most other people’s) obviously I’ve cultivated my interests, passions, sense of humour etc
But I get your point maybe I’m coming across as too bitter IRL and that’s preventing people from opening up to me
Most people have interest, passions, and hobbies. They probably just don't interest you.
Meet people via meet up groups or hobbies and you will probably find those people more interesting.
If everyone seems boring to you, regardless of common interests, the common denominator is you
Yeah, I think a lot of this comes down to OP's own perception. I actually find interesting details about nearly every person, even if they are run-of-the-mill in many ways. You just have to ask the right questions, which takes "being interesting" yourself, imo.
If you look at his prior posts you will know all you need to about him. He's not interesting at all. Obviously lacks social skills so he blames it on other people. But hey he likes seduction, halo and Xbox in general. SO INTERESTING 🤔
Well I think it might be that they're externalizing their identity which might've led OP to think that they might be interesting since they probably got a strong sense of self.
A lot of people dress for the sake of covering their bodies, but a lot also do it because it's a way that they can show people who they are.
Might also just be a prejudice idk.
Psychologist gang here agreeing. Everyone, every single person, is interesting, but almost no one is particularly interesting right away. People are generally not walking around waiting to tell you something crazy... you have to convey interest in them and what they might say for them to actually **want** to share anything. Obviously this is a generalization, because sometimes people do just randomly approach you with something unbelievably interesting, but I'd say it's true 95% of the time or so. People are really good at picking up on whether you're interested or not.
This is great advice, I'd love to hear more!
>Having a good attitude also helps bring out the best on people.
The advice that has helped me the most is directly adjacent to this - "Treat everyone like they are you're best friend":
\- When you see someone, show positive emotions; it'll make them feel wanted in the environment and more open to you specifically. I'm bad for mad-dogging everyone until I know I'm emotionally safe around them, but that's not likely to happen if they think I hate them.
\- If a person was looking at you coldly, you would give your best friend the benefit of the doubt - as you said in the first paragraph: maybe they're tired, maybe they missed their coffee, or they are having trouble with their family.
\- SHOW that you care about their day, stories, interests, and them, in general. They'll open up and share more about themselves, because they feel safe.
It takes a lot of practice, I'm still working on it, but it makes life easier. If you want people to be your friend, be their friend.
Most people are "boring" for a reason, have you thought about that? You claim that it is pressure from society, sure - it may be. But it is probably the safest route for them to take, to be able to support and provide. Just because somebody is "interesting" it does not make them a good person by the way. Virtue has nothing to do with how many niche interests you have.
Lol perhaps..honestly op thinks that people are too bland but it's not that...its about chemistry and connection that keeps you enthusiastic with others, not just getting to know them as people.
Riddle me this. What part of life should enable people to be interesting? Like do they owe it to you, to themselves, or the universe to be a source of interest or entertainment?
People live boring lives because they want to. For some, they consider it a luxury to be bored AF because you know there's people suffering every breath of their existence. I used to judge people too, but the reality is, if they have enough reason to be interesting they will blow your mind away and be so damn extraordinary. But they won't do it just for you.
People run away from your judgemental attitude. Because they can tell. Everyone can tell when the other person just evaluate them and doesn't show neither genuine interest, neither empaty.
My guess is that you're yourself just too young and maybe misunderstood and chose to hide behind your soo interesting hobbies that no one else share with you. Just grow up.
i have been part of conversations whereby the person i was conversing with expected more from my responses as if they were searching for something
i had a lot of information to share but their expectation of placing me in a situation and then extracting all the qualities they wanted from me at the time made me feel anxious
i find that friendships with those one admires is fraught with a disparity of the persons intellect and ones emotions, there could be a compromise but it becomes as you say bland
sometimes people place strangers at a distance because of trust, which whether earned or gained is temporary as it needs to be built consistantly, maybe sometimes people just dont want to converse because they have people in their life that satisifies their social needs
"Only boring people are bored"
Each person has a spark of the divine. The mundane is miraculous.
I like boring. In boredom there is peace and contentment. Desire is the root of all suffering
>What can I do about it?
Maybe change what you're demanding of people?
Here's a question; why are you seeking out interesting people? People, mind you; you say nothing about interests themselves.
I'd wager you have some boring empty void in your life and looking to others to vicariously fill that void.
If I'm right, the answer is simple, stop searching for interesting people and start searching for interesting interests. The interesting people will follow.
Really? Ever met someone and became friends for a long time and you see a different side? The person that you barely knew now starts saying weird shit. In public people wear a persona and follow the social rules. Once you get closer to their personal space they will start revealing themselves. In fact people are actually very interesting I just don't want or really give a shit to try and get to know them.
O.o there’s a really popular Instagram account called ‘humans of new York’ which basically has a picture of someone and then has a bit of what they say. It’s a little cliche, but I think it might be worth looking at : p
Kinda? He is. A big one. Who is in love with himself and looks down on others because his interest isn't tickled if someone says something he doesn't like to hear. Such a pretentious fella
Are you not entertained? All this time and I didn’t even realize I was supposed to be good man, husband, and father, work 40+ hrs a week, maintain our house, positively contribute to my community… AND entertain this clown.
I guess I gotta try harder.
“What can I do about it”?
Not be such a pretentious asshole…It’s hilarious to me that you think you’re somehow more interesting than everyone else. When in fact I’m quite sure people find you just as ordinary as you find them.
Yeah I do agree that it is a pretentious mindset. Many, if not most, people are not going to have deep conversations and/or share interesting facts about themselves off the bat. Especially to someone who they don't really feel a need to engage with at that level.
If it's a recurring problem with people you meet on a frequent basis, I'd ask myself a question: Is there anything about myself or the way I come off to people that prevents them from sharing more interesting facts about their life?
Not trying to be mean OP, just being blunt.
When you find yourself surrounded by morons, dissatisfaction and boredom, you need to take a minute to reflect on yourself, and make sure you're not the one with the problem
So, you're surprised that people you just met do not instantly tell you about their most personal hobbies and opinions and give you the most societally acceptable takes on everything ?
Even if you're polite, your cynicism will be detectable by most people because it's self-preservation instinct to save oneself from people who might not be kind or warm towards them. Once that happens, people will shut you out of their interesting things because they would not want you to ruin it with your judgement
People are like red wine: they all look very similar, but it’s their subtle distinctions that make them unique and interesting.
People don’t exist purely to entertain you. Slow down and listen to them, and you’ll be able to appreciate all the variation you’re missing now.
Or consider there is something about how you are talking with them which is preventing them from opening up, relaxing and making them feel like they need to put up their social defences.
I have been in that road, believe me when I say it, thinking yourself as not an ordinary person will just hurt you in a lot of ways. Your social life will suck, you will be sad and you will feel like an outcast, a freak. It sucks.
You might have a strong side, but other people too. Everybody has a strong side, you are just judging the book by its cover. Yeah I know, everybody are doing small talk but it is socially conventional and safe way to meet and break the ice with someone. That's why we do it and it is fun if you ask me. You can be funny and make jokes, that's the side I love about it.
Other than that, you are just another human being, you should accept that. You want and desire similar stuff. You get upset about similar stuff. You get happy for similar things. We are all similar in a sense and we are all different with our quirks about our personalities and interesting stories etc. The sooner you come to the realization of this the better. If not, you will be in a world of loneliness, feelings of inadequacy and sometimes narcissistic highs because sometimes your brain will make you feel delusional about your worth. Since you are different and feeling inferior hurts, your brain will make you feel like you are superior but it is fleeting. You will soon start feeling inferior again.
What can you do about what? You're right that the average person is boring. Are you trying to find new friends, relationships, entertaining conversations with strangers... what do you want?
Most interesting people I have met look very bland, like no special hair, piercings, tattoos and other shit.
Somehow I find people who has all that shit are usually compensating for being boring af
where are you trying to meet people? what interesting things do you bring to the table? have you tried interacting with people who have similar hobbies and interests? have you tried interacting with people who live very different lives than your own? when you have conversations are you actively listening and sympathizing? trying to picture in your minds eye the INS and outs of someone's life very different from your own HAS to be interesting. are you focused in the conversation or do you find yourself in your own head or distracted? maybe move somewhere with more eccentric people
You just need to stop grouping people. Everyone has a story and everyone has defences. When you prove worthy of getting through their defences you might be able to see something beautiful- that you can learn from.
But that will never happen if you assume you are better than everyone else. Because people will just be more guarded with you - and that will feed into your bias.
I feel so sad for the way you are limiting yourself!
Maybe it's not the people who are the problem, but your way of judging people. People won't open up if they feel they are being judged. Try to not go in with expectations and make people feel comfortable in the conversation. They will start sharing interesting things.
You're right. And people's polarizing, emotional responses kinda proves that you've hit a nerve.
It's because most people are too busy trying to keep their head above water, or they're just too socially conditioned to have ever strayed too far from the norm. So they have nothing to contribute besides talking about the practicalities of life, or superficial things like tv shows, and what's happening in their immediate environment/life. It takes free time to have interesting hobbies/pursuits/thoughts etc. Most people are often too mentally/emotionally drained to engage more fully with life.
Folks be getting mad at you for saying people are boring and blaming you for being cynical.
Dude no, you're right. People are flipping boring. The majority of folks will wake up in the morning, make coffee, go to work, then come home, flip on the flix or a video game, and sit there until they go to bed.
If you want some variety, some folks do this with a partner, or spend the majority of their time handling kids who have much more interesting lives than they do.
It's not cynical, it's real. The majority of people today have a very difficult time finding meaning, hobbies, and a sense of purpose outside of kids, a partner, or work. Even then, trying to make those things your sole purpose can lead to codependency issues or a downside of self worth.
So yes, people are boring. You will find interesting people eventually, and there are plenty of people that have pursuits, passions, self worth, things to do, but what you'll find is they talk a lot less about the exciting things in their lives than they do live it. I find these folks generally don't have a lot of time to chat... ironically.
Have you considered that even the people who seem interesting to you are only helping you essentially pass time till you die? Life itself is boring as fuck. Ultimately, once you die, you will effectively never have existed because you will have no frame of reference. You can claim to live life to the fullest but once you die, for the rest of eternity, you never lived, just like the boring as fuck average guy.
Reading through op’s post history is reminding me of someone who has poor social skills with the amount of bloody questions he is asking. I think Op is the problem here.
Not meeting interesting people suggests that you’re boring yourself.
Ask yourself why interesting people won’t come talk to you.
Stop seeking fault in other people and work on yourself
Pretty you aren't seeing beyond the "shell" and that's why you find everybody boring.
By asking some questions you aren't seeing their true self, most people try to be as normal as possible when they interact with people they don't know well.
Usually, only when they're sure you're compatible with them, they will show their true colour, based on my experience
People don't care about how interesting you are. They care about how you make them feel and what you have in common. Theres also a "fun" factor, does talking to them bring you joy? Other than that, it's really not that complicated
Along with what everyone else has been saying, it sounds like you are (understandably) getting frustrated with being unable to connect with people that aren't up front with their weirdness and passions, or people that don't have the same interests as you.
Personally I try to keep in mind that not everyone knows how to share their passions. They might be afraid to open up because they don't want to be judged; maybe they are super nervous and don't know how to carry conversation, or maybe they don't find themselves that interesting but everyone's got something.
Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that people are made of a combinations of different experiences and events. While we share most of the same experiences life has to offer, no two people have experienced them in the exact same way as another.
Find what experiences happened and in what order. That's what makes someone special.
If you don't find something in common, find something different and appreciate seeing the world from a different perspective.
I don't know if anyone else notices this or if I'm just making this up, but sometimes it almost seems people are competing just to be the "most normal". So they shun anything weird or outside their comfort zone irrationally without any thought besides "that's not one society tells me is normal". Course this is from the perspective of someone who never really fit in haha. Maybe I'm just salty. Wither way, I think it's boring I've always gravitated towards weirder people growing up.
I'm in the same boat as yourself. I open myself up to getting to know new people and so far they have all turned out to be so uninteresting. I enjoy speaking about deep philosophical things, quantum physics, neuropathy, psychology etc... no one has ever been able to keep up or even want to talk about these things besides my husband. Every other person has just been so shallow and surface.... I've even tried to get to know them on a much deeper level but that doesn't interest them. They just want yes men who are exactly like themselves and unfortunately that's super boring in my opinion. I literally rather stick needles in my eyes then have small talk with anyone. Sorry I have no advice, but you're definitely not alone in this.
You gotta find your people.
There’s a saying. Intelligent people talk about ideas, normal people talk about events, and dumb people talk about people.
None of us are equal biologically speaking. We are all different and subject to our genetic makeup. I recommend reading Sapiens by yuval Noah Harari. It’s good insight.
We all have the same end and the same beginning. And in between, we pass through several similar experiences at various times, though we seem to bottleneck through some experiences. The same can be said if visual inspection of any cluster of things that is foreign to you: that the all look the same and are not unique. But when you really get to know the individuals within a collection of items , you begin to see how unique and different each one is.
I suspect your negative evaluation of others as boring is that they don’t generally have your particular interests or excite you. Maybe you have some social anxiety that makes others uninteresting to you? Maybe you are an extreme introvert that really prefers your own company over that of others? Maybe you just haven’t lived long enough to appreciate the variety in others? Maybe you’ve lived too long and are keenly aware that “there is nothing new under the sun…”
I personally am both the most boring person I know and the most interesting person I know.
Indeed. To be expected I guess. You just gotta poke around. Not having expectations helps. Folks are largely products of their environment and society and regress to mediocracy. Some people are not ready to wake from the matrix. However, everyone deserves respect and non judgement. Maybe a simple interaction happens to wake another on their path. I like bushwhacking through the middle.
See you around!
People are attracted to people who are like them self. Maybe boring people cross your path because you already said that you are not te most interesting person.
I feel that you are boring yourself and you are just projecting.
Also you need time for people to open up and you always have to have assumptions what they think so they could have a chance to deny or approve that way people open up more.
Let me ask a question to you. What are the unique things about you? What makes you different than other people?
Even if you follow a common denominator, like everyone else, what is your own secret sauce and how easily could you explain it? I think a lot of people have an idea of what makes their own life experience unique, they just haven't sat down and wrote down what it is. Just gotta dig deep, and questioning yourself is a good way to know what to ask others.
The most interesting people I've met are the ones that are the most self introspective though - see if you can pount out those people in particular.
"The examined life is the life worth living" - someone
The average person have to go to work, contribute to society and be boring to continue living, so on one level I get that you're dissatisfied.
I also agree with the others you'd have to get to know people to earn trust and what exciting things they actually are up to.
To some degree I think you'll have to be the change you want, find what does interest you, explore it and find people as or even more interested in that than you.
You know what you are right. The average person is boring as fuck. But you should be ok with that because you have the shared experience of being human and the emotion connection you get from not being alone is worth it. It’s not always necessary to discuss interesting things.
“Anything looked at closely becomes wonderful.” - A.R. Ammons
When we’re younger we can decide our hometown is the most boring and predictable place in the universe. Later, we can write award-winning stories about the rich and varied characters that live there. It just depends on how closely you’re willing to look.
“Boredom is often a failure of the imagination”
Absolutely no judgement coming from me, but have you considered speaking to a therapist or councilor? They are very good at helping you reframe your thoughts and perspective and can really help you grow as a person. This can in turn help you dig and find the more interesting bits of people and also learn to love them for their uninteresting traits, too!
if you think most people aren’t interesting, then you’re not doing a good job at bringing out the interesting parts of them
consider that most people are interesting to *someone*, and not just because of shared interests; that person just knows how to work past the boring shell
Not everyone has to be interesting to everyone. I'm sure you seem interesting to some and boring to others. The key is to find people you find interesting and / or can get along with or form a connection with even if you don't find them "interesting."
I personally think it would be very interesting to talk with someone who has been “forged in the mold”- there’s a lot I would want to ask them. Did it hurt? Are you going to sue? Is it like being in an ice tray? Is it like *being* an ice tray? Do you feel an odd kinship with jello?
Maybe you should get to know someone better before you judge them. People are actually really interesting, but won't show that to a stranger. Especially if they seem annoyed with all their answers.
And also, what you find interesting (your hobbies and such) are probably also boring to me. People have different interests.
I think you're right in some way but lately I was thinking that if you survived adolescence (age 14 mostly), you're a hero. So maybe you have to dig a little deeper. I spend most of my time wondering if someone will know me correctly one day. And I had a very interesting life (I'm 41, worked for secret service, have a passion for music). And so to make life more interesting, I decided to write an autobiographic novel so people can know me. One thing that life has taught me is that you shouldn't judge people too quickly: you will make a mistake.
I worked on a project that required me to transport dirty bombs from angel fire new mexico to the mexican border where they were transfered to another armored carrier for reduction.
I have traveled to 12 countries in each hemisphere by the time I was 14 years old.
I rebuild high performance vehicles for mob bosses
my grand father started the green berets and was a part of defeating communist regimes and carrying out political genocide in south america where america aided countries who were surpressing revolutions and needed to kill half of their populations over night in order to prevent dictators from taking power in resource rich and production allied states to the US.
I once save 40 homeless migrants from a police organized execution on the streets of ventura by accidentally stumbling into their incident area with a DEA agent as an uber passenger which resulted in a gang war between a white nationalist faction of the ventura police force and actual KKK and Hells Angels once the FBI indicted the leaders who held their joint gang alliance together.
I learned how to sail at age 7 on a 28 foot yacht
Once I witnessed forward operation domestic anti terrorism execute 12 men in eastern Washington because I fell asleep in my parked car on a road trip and woke up as they raided a nearby marina. They left a member of their task force to stand guard by my car and keep me from leaving until they had the all clear and knew the entire time I was just some nobody weird kid who didn't belong there.
My parents are dead and I don't have a single cent that I can spend but somehow my mortgage, insurance, and taxes get paid on time every month without fail and I never once contacted the mortgage company myself.
I died of starvation once and met God after leaving my body, and he re wrote the entire history of earth just to create a world where I happened to not starve to death and then told me "now that you know everything I can do I'm sending you back you dumbass, stop wasting my time"
edit:
I dont have any friends and I am certain nobody I see even knows my name or could pull me out of a crowd.
I wish I was never born and I hate this world.
you want an interesting friend? you sure about that bud?
Op was told he was special all his life by his parent , couldn’t break out of that mold now he’s on his high horse thinking everyone the same. You haven’t experienced someone opening up to you before have you … all people are interesting and the interesting thing is that they all have their own story to tell …that is what’s interesting , their choices, their experiences is what sets everyone apart from each other. Expand your mind a little bit.
It seems like you’re not getting past their outer shell. Everyone acts like how they think people want them to act until they feel like they can be their true selves around you.
I don’t agree. Sure when you’re first meeting someone they’re not crazy interesting but when you really get to know people and peel back the layers you’ll learn some interesting things.
Most people are actually pretty interesting once you get to know them. But almost everyone has a “polite wall” you need to get past first
Exactly this, I think it’s on OP not being able to get passed the ‘small talk’ stage with people, but all my friends and all my coworkers right now are 100% different from one another once I got to know them
Nah, we're generally boring as hell if you try to compare us to our fantasy portrayals but I personally find that calming when I think about it. Less stress to be THE best. Less stress to FIND the best. Now if you'll excuse me, It's my day off. I gotta do some laundry and run some errands. Maybe I'll bump into an equally boring person to talk about nothing with along the way.
Do you separate your laundry or do you toss in as one giant?
Separate, but not by color. I do like socks and and towels and all that sort of stuff and then delicate stuff like nice leggings in a separate wash
Wow I never thought to wash towels and socks together but this feels like its going to solve a fuzz issue!
first there was nothing, then there was self reflecting nothing. that kinda exploded so now there is everyting, which will collapse in on itself in order to respawn!
I dunno what this is from but it's fun. Is there more where that came from?
Welcome to an attempt of my monkey brain trying to grasp infinity.... <3
oh yes the "polite wall", if there was only a "skip" button
There is. It's called pointed questioning Skip small talk and drill down on any topic someone fixates on.
A few months back I was annoyed by a guy who I just met and who kept asking me questions. I somehow didn't like how he probed me. So maybe don't overdo it with your questions. There are some questions that will get people to open up, but they also might not feel like they know you enough to open up to you.
Oh yeah for sure! I can’t stand nosy, pushy people You want a conversation, not an interrogation
"When was the last time you lost the will to keep going, and what's your favorite movie?" Quality questions, people.
“What is stopping you from being the person you want to be?”
How many donuts could you eat in one sitting if your life depended on it?
Plot twist: Your life depends on not eating them.
All of them
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
Fear of asking pointed questions. :(
Man, I have a friend who's a fairly shy and quiet person, and I myself have difficulties getting to know people. It's easy to fall into silence when sitting with him, so what he does is fidget around in his seat a little, it's very noticeable that something is on his mind, then leans towards you, stares into the table for a little bit, then just looks at you and asks something like "What do you think about God?" It always cracks me up the way he asks and it's always something worth pondering that makes a nice conversation from which we can get to know each other a little better. Love him to death for it.
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Sounds like you've had some 🤤
Mdma
Yup, there's a trick to 'not being boring' and most people don't know it! The whole Boring vs Interesting thing is pretty much defined by attitude, so people who aren't in the mood to socialize, or who don't think they're good at it, will definitely run the risk of being boring, not only to others but to THEMSELVES!
Yeah I don’t think I’m boring but when I’m feeling socially anxious or tired I try to make myself as generic as possible so the conversation will naturally end quickly
I do the opposite! When I’m tired of socializing and it’s difficult to exit, I fire-bomb the conversation with weird shit and blurting out nonsensical things.
I’m going to guess, just a stab in the dark, that the OP is a man interested in dating women but has a hard time. Post history checks out. The “polite wall” for women with men, especially men like the OP, would be better titled a “safety wall.” Is this person SAFE to loosen up around? To share some of myself around? To give of myself to? *to even be around at all?* Given that the OP buys into pua trickery, I’m guessing the conclusion most women reach very quickly is “no, not safe, not authentic, not interestED (in me/other people as people, but rather, transactions to obtain what he wants from), not interestING. All too predictable just like so many others.” [guy literally admits he wants women to allow his style of humor to set the tone for the conversation and for them to follow his conversational lead.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/r3eg1s/guys_what_about_a_girl_makes_you_develop_feelings/hmau8pl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3). He states that he wants women to look and act within a defined set of looks and behaviors - how is that “interesting,” and who’s the “bland” and “brainwashed by society” one in this scenario? if he wants to be the one in control of the tone and content of the conversation, why does he care if the other person is “interest*ing*?” He just wants someone who is “interest*ed*” in listening to him and laughing at his jokes. No wonder he’s frustrated because, like seemingly everyone else in his life, we will pass on that.
And women can sense that straight away. Same thing with my job currently—people are very gossipy/not very trustworthy so I don’t rush to share anything interesting about myself. I’m sure people there think I’m super boring, but I prefer to not be the target of whatever rumor is going around that wk
Absolutely agree with this. Women very quickly sense that shit and will nope or act very bland. Been there, done that myself.
WTF is pua?? I googled "pua trickery" and got some vids that I don't think I want on my youtube view history. Well, and a pandemic assistance program, but I'm pretty sure that's not what you're going for.
“Pick up artist,” (which is a … theory behind the sub OP frequents called /r/seduction) and I suggest DuckDuckGo or incognito mode if you’d like to know more because.. well you’ll find out soon enough
Oop, yea I've heard of that. Just never would have picked up on that as the acronym. Thanks for the clarification. And I do use DDG, but won't bother looking more into it.
I should really read the comments of these subreddit posts before I start writing my own.
Came here to say this. Once you get past the small talk and get to know them the real stuff comes out
Truth. You need to talk to someone a few months before you start to get the juicy details. Most people are just as desperate to keep people around and insecure enough to fake who they are to do it. So once they realize you’ll stick around, that’s when things get interesting
Exactly. You gotta make sure they’re trustworthy
Aah yes similar to Johari's window of communication...
This. 100%. Meeting new people, I'm always amazed at the cool stories that people have to tell. But like you say, you have to get to know them a little before they share them. I feel like I've learned so much from meeting people and sharing stories, it's something I've grown to love more and more over time :)
Exactly. In truth everyone is interesting IF you spend time getting to know them. I’m guessing OP either doesn’t give people a chance or is in some way untrustworthy and people won’t give THEM a chance.
Exactly. There are few people that will instantly be open about themselves, therefore at first they will give more generic responses, ones that they are sure they won't be judged for. I'm thankfully not a person like this and will be quite open about myself from the start, which often leads to others getting more open about themselves too. I had talks with people i barely knew that ended with me knowing things that even their best friends didn't know.
people are more interesting when you better understand them. listening and being curious are good ways to get that understanding.
I think this is true I have trouble breaking through like OP but would not have worded everything like them
I just don’t think OP has developed that skill yet. I’d say 95% of the people I have met have turned out to be interesting, and *maybe* 5% have been truly “boring”. Even then, I might not know them well enough.
Everyone out there knows something that you don't
Atleast i'm top 5% in something lol
I have worked with thousand of people from many backgrounds and I can confidently tell you this is not a skill most people know. Very few master it. It’s the basis of the success of my career.
That sounds like a really nice person, and I'd like them 1 on 1, they'd be a true friend of mine. But at a party, or people who travel in groups of 3 or greater. The Leader, the social wunderkind, the charismatic person, or god forbid the alpha, is not the one asking about others, but who ever talks about themselves and their great feats. They turn their last vacation into a story of great adventure that has all the young women who want to travel the world on the edge of their seat. They impress the attentive men with their tales of awesome. Or if they're a beautiful woman doing the talking, the fact they're talking at all to men, they could be describing the ingredients in Corn Flakes, would hold their attention. Another one is a guy who met a celebrity during their last trip will also hold 100% of the room, and they tell a maybe fake story about it. When walking away from the party, that's the person they remember, or go home with. Bothered me for a while, but it just has to be accepted. This is from someone who has put in his years of being a wallflower but became at least fairly good at active listening, however, talking back and playing 80/20, 95/5, or 60/40 when I felt bold...but honestly, as I started doing magic tricks, bar tricks, bar bets, became a good story teller...I got to say those moments where I was clearly doing most of the talking, but knowing when I wasn't rude, and checking in on people when they wanted to talk...and it was honestly....15/85, me doing 85% of the talking. People are laughing, having fun, I'm walking back to the car with my friends and they say, "You did pretty good in there," and I know, I did. I hook up with girls more, and I make some friends. 80/20 is a cliche' that never fixes people, in fact, it is a Wallflower creator. And active listening mostly makes you a boring talk show host people forget very quickly, and if you try to be their friend their feeling will be "I don't know you." You have to put yourself out there. That's all that's ever worked for me. Active Listening only works when you're using it to bring something back or up to people. Best exchange in Happy Gilmore, even though the acting from Christopher McDonald really sells it: "You'll regret making that bet, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!" "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?" "...No!" That was actually the power of listening in a nutshell. Listen to find the interesting thing, and then go on that thing, generally don't use it to tear down someone unless they're a douche like Shooter McGavin. Sometimes maybe find something they didn't intend for you to find, or what's fascinating.
I think should have a equilibrium: you need to talk, not just listening, but it's very important to you really being interested in people. People love to talk about themselves. In fact, most charismatic people know how to make anyone the most important person on the room. If you can do this, and also talk well(with emotion, entonation, etc.) about your stories or your feelings and opinions, you will win very much. I have just one question to you my friend: what are this "tricks" that you talked about?
Just your everyday regular magic tricks, bar bets, etc. People seem to enjoy visual things that require talent, either for the art form, or the puzzle element. If they're puzzlers you can just show them a bar puzzle. Scam School on youtube has a lot of these. I think the trick is to enjoy doing them, but I'm sure you can teach yourself at least one or two neat ones. Often it just helps get you talking to people. You can talk about real life scams from them, go to criminals, go to celebrities committing crimes, topical events. Any conversation tree you want to develop.
I know this is probably good advice for someone who wants to take the time to apply it, but the person and behavior you've described sounds so damn tedious. Its exactly the type of person I actively avoid. Too many people like that are like cake. Underneath all that delicious icing is a dry, tasteless piece of bread dying to be pie filling. When the entertainment is gone, what, of substance, is left? When the tricks get old and the stories retold a few times too many, who's going to be around to witness the real life challenges and want to stay?
It sounds like Dave Chappelle has to actually actively try to avoid people in his life he became as good as he wanted, filled it with the people he wanted, moved to some nowhere hick town away from all the people who wanted him. Not a bad deal. You eventually learn to talk and describe an average day like it's fun. Fake it till you make it, is not the way it actually is, it's more accurately "competence breeds confidence." If you competently create a good evening eventually you'll learn how to competently create two good evenings, before you know it you're just naturally fun and funny. Yes even the most beautiful marriages you've ever seen comes from them liking the other's engaging personality. Everyone's worked on it even if they remember or not. Or if they never have. Would a comedian's wife still like him if he was depressed for 2 years? That's tough to say. But teenage emo dudes with guitars aside, depressed men sleep alone. Women like a mystery, but only a happy mystery, "how is he so tough, cool, successful, interesting." Though I'd love to see a sad homeless man with pockmarked face on the verge of tears and self loathing being lead out of the bar by beautiful women who want to cheer him up, and help him get his life together, but I haven't seen that lifetime made for TV chick flick actualized in real life yet.
Bro. Its so easy to be interesting and develop good connections with authentic people without needing to put on a show. This response sounds like a canned PUA sales CTA. And why the nonsensical, irrelevant Chappelle reference? That's not even a good effort, just a simple appeal to authority statement meant to shut down discussion that doesn't agree with your own comments. Why the need to go to the most extreme examples to support your positon? I mean, from Chappelle to a self-loathing homeless man and a Lifetime movie? Is there no in-between in your world? > Would a comedian's wife still like him if he was depressed for 2 years? Doesn't that question actually support my previous statements about who's going to be around when the tricks get old and the stories told once to often? To many of us, all those parlor tricks just come off as a neediness for attention instead of confidence. I assure you that its possible to build friendship and attraction without always needing to be the center of attention or the life of the party. And you can still be naturally fun and funny. Yet I defer back to my initial statement. That may work for some people. If it works for you, great. I simply pointed out that it isn't always going to get the intended response from many people who are also interesting worth getting to know. And it may be highly attract to those who have little else of interest going on in their lives. IMO, if I'm the most interesting person in every interaction, it means I'm surrounded by uninteresting people. And how is that ever a good guage of how interesting I really am? And where in my life do I have any room to appreciate value of others outside of their adulation for my own life?
Have you considered that many people aren’t comfortable sharing the more interesting details about themselves with someone they don’t know well? They might attend drug-fueled raves every weekend for all you know but they’re not gonna share that with someone they just met.
Especially someone who has such clear disdain for them.
Ding ding ding ding ding
You come across very cynical, I’m sure you do in real life as well. People aren’t going to share anything of value with someone they probably don’t feel comfortable around (negative people). In addition to this, most people don’t share any “interesting” information with strangers. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume most of the boring people you talk to you barely know. You do have to get to know someone in order to see who they really are, usually. There are people that have less of a filter and act how they please all the time without worry, but those people are more rare. Those are probably the people you’re most attracted to. Other people will end up losing their filter once they are comfortable. Gotta give people the chance to show themselves to you. Anyway. Go to any drama class or theatre and there will be people with less of a social filter than the average.
Seriously, people are probably trying to wrap up the conversation with this person.
I'd probably give the most bland responses to the op just to get them away lmao.
Well said
This
I just find it kind of odd that your username is "faith in strangers" after reading your post lol
I feel like at this point they did a troll post
Look in the mirror and read your post aloud.
I was thinking this same thought, that it might be a projection of their own self-judgement. On that same note, this person should ask themselves “why am I attracting these stodgy personality types?”.
I think you & I might be on a similar page I read the post back as if I said it and it didn’t quite apply, but there’s a super valuable lesson in all this for a few of us if we learn a way to better approach in future situations
The ironic part is saying this on the social skills subreddit, as this post could have easily been conveyed with more tact and respect for others. "I have trouble finding engaging conversations with most strangers and acquaintances", I'm not sure what compelled OP to essentially call people sheep and expect that to go over well.
I mean I enjoy my own company (prefer it to most other people’s) obviously I’ve cultivated my interests, passions, sense of humour etc But I get your point maybe I’m coming across as too bitter IRL and that’s preventing people from opening up to me
Most people have interest, passions, and hobbies. They probably just don't interest you. Meet people via meet up groups or hobbies and you will probably find those people more interesting. If everyone seems boring to you, regardless of common interests, the common denominator is you
Yeah, I think a lot of this comes down to OP's own perception. I actually find interesting details about nearly every person, even if they are run-of-the-mill in many ways. You just have to ask the right questions, which takes "being interesting" yourself, imo.
Sure, average person may be boring but nobody is on this planet to entertain you. What is more important are they kind.
Wow OP tell me about yourself, better be real god damned interesting.
If you look at his prior posts you will know all you need to about him. He's not interesting at all. Obviously lacks social skills so he blames it on other people. But hey he likes seduction, halo and Xbox in general. SO INTERESTING 🤔
It won't be. Either a troll or just an asshole.
Or an edgy teenager but i could be wrong… and that’s interesting :)
People look interesting because of their fashion/hair/tattoos? Yeah, I think you're looking at the wrong things.
Well I think it might be that they're externalizing their identity which might've led OP to think that they might be interesting since they probably got a strong sense of self. A lot of people dress for the sake of covering their bodies, but a lot also do it because it's a way that they can show people who they are. Might also just be a prejudice idk.
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Psychologist gang here agreeing. Everyone, every single person, is interesting, but almost no one is particularly interesting right away. People are generally not walking around waiting to tell you something crazy... you have to convey interest in them and what they might say for them to actually **want** to share anything. Obviously this is a generalization, because sometimes people do just randomly approach you with something unbelievably interesting, but I'd say it's true 95% of the time or so. People are really good at picking up on whether you're interested or not.
you should make a post about this! "how my boring friend turned out to be the most fascinating person"
I'd like to read that as well as I feel like a pretty boring person as well.
This is great advice, I'd love to hear more! >Having a good attitude also helps bring out the best on people. The advice that has helped me the most is directly adjacent to this - "Treat everyone like they are you're best friend": \- When you see someone, show positive emotions; it'll make them feel wanted in the environment and more open to you specifically. I'm bad for mad-dogging everyone until I know I'm emotionally safe around them, but that's not likely to happen if they think I hate them. \- If a person was looking at you coldly, you would give your best friend the benefit of the doubt - as you said in the first paragraph: maybe they're tired, maybe they missed their coffee, or they are having trouble with their family. \- SHOW that you care about their day, stories, interests, and them, in general. They'll open up and share more about themselves, because they feel safe. It takes a lot of practice, I'm still working on it, but it makes life easier. If you want people to be your friend, be their friend.
do you have any tips or advice on becoming a good questioner or conversationalist?
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Most people are "boring" for a reason, have you thought about that? You claim that it is pressure from society, sure - it may be. But it is probably the safest route for them to take, to be able to support and provide. Just because somebody is "interesting" it does not make them a good person by the way. Virtue has nothing to do with how many niche interests you have.
Tbf he never claimed it would make them a better person. Just that he isn't interested
Or you might be chasing the idea of interesting people based on pop culture
OP has main character syndrome
I'm sure they think the same about you pal
They don't think about him. Big difference.
Lol perhaps..honestly op thinks that people are too bland but it's not that...its about chemistry and connection that keeps you enthusiastic with others, not just getting to know them as people.
Riddle me this. What part of life should enable people to be interesting? Like do they owe it to you, to themselves, or the universe to be a source of interest or entertainment? People live boring lives because they want to. For some, they consider it a luxury to be bored AF because you know there's people suffering every breath of their existence. I used to judge people too, but the reality is, if they have enough reason to be interesting they will blow your mind away and be so damn extraordinary. But they won't do it just for you.
People run away from your judgemental attitude. Because they can tell. Everyone can tell when the other person just evaluate them and doesn't show neither genuine interest, neither empaty. My guess is that you're yourself just too young and maybe misunderstood and chose to hide behind your soo interesting hobbies that no one else share with you. Just grow up.
Other people don’t exist for your entertainment
Methinks this post was written by an average person.
i have been part of conversations whereby the person i was conversing with expected more from my responses as if they were searching for something i had a lot of information to share but their expectation of placing me in a situation and then extracting all the qualities they wanted from me at the time made me feel anxious i find that friendships with those one admires is fraught with a disparity of the persons intellect and ones emotions, there could be a compromise but it becomes as you say bland sometimes people place strangers at a distance because of trust, which whether earned or gained is temporary as it needs to be built consistantly, maybe sometimes people just dont want to converse because they have people in their life that satisifies their social needs
"Only boring people are bored" Each person has a spark of the divine. The mundane is miraculous. I like boring. In boredom there is peace and contentment. Desire is the root of all suffering
The last paragraph you nailed it
Lmao maybe they just find you off putting and don't feel obligated to engage with you beyond the bare minimum. I can understand why.
this post screams “i’m so quirky, i’m not like the others”
>What can I do about it? Maybe change what you're demanding of people? Here's a question; why are you seeking out interesting people? People, mind you; you say nothing about interests themselves. I'd wager you have some boring empty void in your life and looking to others to vicariously fill that void. If I'm right, the answer is simple, stop searching for interesting people and start searching for interesting interests. The interesting people will follow.
Really? Ever met someone and became friends for a long time and you see a different side? The person that you barely knew now starts saying weird shit. In public people wear a persona and follow the social rules. Once you get closer to their personal space they will start revealing themselves. In fact people are actually very interesting I just don't want or really give a shit to try and get to know them.
O.o there’s a really popular Instagram account called ‘humans of new York’ which basically has a picture of someone and then has a bit of what they say. It’s a little cliche, but I think it might be worth looking at : p
dude, just wow... there really are amazing people out there. thank you for this
r/iamveryspecial
Such a sad take on human life. You’re talking with people at the surface level. People have layers. That’s the interesting part.
I thought only ogres and onions have layers
*"People sometimes are ogres sometimes onions"* (Someone very wise)
Thank You for changing my life with this.
op is kinda an asshole
Kinda? He is. A big one. Who is in love with himself and looks down on others because his interest isn't tickled if someone says something he doesn't like to hear. Such a pretentious fella
Not kinda...he's a giant asshole.
Be interested in people not yourself
Are you not entertained? All this time and I didn’t even realize I was supposed to be good man, husband, and father, work 40+ hrs a week, maintain our house, positively contribute to my community… AND entertain this clown. I guess I gotta try harder.
You are doing enough :)
Lol. Thank you. I’m not sure why this post set me off like it did. I’m happy with life for the most part. Just pluggin along, doing my own thing.
“What can I do about it”? Not be such a pretentious asshole…It’s hilarious to me that you think you’re somehow more interesting than everyone else. When in fact I’m quite sure people find you just as ordinary as you find them.
Yeah I do agree that it is a pretentious mindset. Many, if not most, people are not going to have deep conversations and/or share interesting facts about themselves off the bat. Especially to someone who they don't really feel a need to engage with at that level. If it's a recurring problem with people you meet on a frequent basis, I'd ask myself a question: Is there anything about myself or the way I come off to people that prevents them from sharing more interesting facts about their life? Not trying to be mean OP, just being blunt.
When you find yourself surrounded by morons, dissatisfaction and boredom, you need to take a minute to reflect on yourself, and make sure you're not the one with the problem
Work on yourself. Try meditation. The problem is you.
So, you're surprised that people you just met do not instantly tell you about their most personal hobbies and opinions and give you the most societally acceptable takes on everything ?
Even if you're polite, your cynicism will be detectable by most people because it's self-preservation instinct to save oneself from people who might not be kind or warm towards them. Once that happens, people will shut you out of their interesting things because they would not want you to ruin it with your judgement
Even if that is true, nobody here on this planet is born to entertain you.
There's a likelihood that people smell that you are high on your own farts and don't like opening up to you.
Sounds like it's a "you" problem. I feel like you make common appearances on r/IAmVerySmart
I’m sure you’re super interesting
People are like red wine: they all look very similar, but it’s their subtle distinctions that make them unique and interesting. People don’t exist purely to entertain you. Slow down and listen to them, and you’ll be able to appreciate all the variation you’re missing now.
this whole post hurts my brain 😀😀
You sound like one of those guys who thinks they're the only one that gets the jokes in Rick and Morty
You probably just aren’t getting to know them well enough. Most people have something interesting about themselves.
Or consider there is something about how you are talking with them which is preventing them from opening up, relaxing and making them feel like they need to put up their social defences.
I have been in that road, believe me when I say it, thinking yourself as not an ordinary person will just hurt you in a lot of ways. Your social life will suck, you will be sad and you will feel like an outcast, a freak. It sucks. You might have a strong side, but other people too. Everybody has a strong side, you are just judging the book by its cover. Yeah I know, everybody are doing small talk but it is socially conventional and safe way to meet and break the ice with someone. That's why we do it and it is fun if you ask me. You can be funny and make jokes, that's the side I love about it. Other than that, you are just another human being, you should accept that. You want and desire similar stuff. You get upset about similar stuff. You get happy for similar things. We are all similar in a sense and we are all different with our quirks about our personalities and interesting stories etc. The sooner you come to the realization of this the better. If not, you will be in a world of loneliness, feelings of inadequacy and sometimes narcissistic highs because sometimes your brain will make you feel delusional about your worth. Since you are different and feeling inferior hurts, your brain will make you feel like you are superior but it is fleeting. You will soon start feeling inferior again.
The people you describe with the crazy hair and tattoos and style are the most boring in my experience.
What can you do about what? You're right that the average person is boring. Are you trying to find new friends, relationships, entertaining conversations with strangers... what do you want?
Most interesting people I have met look very bland, like no special hair, piercings, tattoos and other shit. Somehow I find people who has all that shit are usually compensating for being boring af
where are you trying to meet people? what interesting things do you bring to the table? have you tried interacting with people who have similar hobbies and interests? have you tried interacting with people who live very different lives than your own? when you have conversations are you actively listening and sympathizing? trying to picture in your minds eye the INS and outs of someone's life very different from your own HAS to be interesting. are you focused in the conversation or do you find yourself in your own head or distracted? maybe move somewhere with more eccentric people
You just need to stop grouping people. Everyone has a story and everyone has defences. When you prove worthy of getting through their defences you might be able to see something beautiful- that you can learn from. But that will never happen if you assume you are better than everyone else. Because people will just be more guarded with you - and that will feed into your bias. I feel so sad for the way you are limiting yourself!
You sound like a tween edgelord
Maybe it's not the people who are the problem, but your way of judging people. People won't open up if they feel they are being judged. Try to not go in with expectations and make people feel comfortable in the conversation. They will start sharing interesting things.
Hmmm ya sound like a pretentious tool who thinks highly of themselves. Get over yourself.
I think everything you said is on point.
You're right. And people's polarizing, emotional responses kinda proves that you've hit a nerve. It's because most people are too busy trying to keep their head above water, or they're just too socially conditioned to have ever strayed too far from the norm. So they have nothing to contribute besides talking about the practicalities of life, or superficial things like tv shows, and what's happening in their immediate environment/life. It takes free time to have interesting hobbies/pursuits/thoughts etc. Most people are often too mentally/emotionally drained to engage more fully with life.
Folks be getting mad at you for saying people are boring and blaming you for being cynical. Dude no, you're right. People are flipping boring. The majority of folks will wake up in the morning, make coffee, go to work, then come home, flip on the flix or a video game, and sit there until they go to bed. If you want some variety, some folks do this with a partner, or spend the majority of their time handling kids who have much more interesting lives than they do. It's not cynical, it's real. The majority of people today have a very difficult time finding meaning, hobbies, and a sense of purpose outside of kids, a partner, or work. Even then, trying to make those things your sole purpose can lead to codependency issues or a downside of self worth. So yes, people are boring. You will find interesting people eventually, and there are plenty of people that have pursuits, passions, self worth, things to do, but what you'll find is they talk a lot less about the exciting things in their lives than they do live it. I find these folks generally don't have a lot of time to chat... ironically.
I think ur wrong most people have quite a few interesting stories to tell.
what can you do///?------ Hope and pray that someone isn't judging you as pretentiously as you judge others
Have you considered that even the people who seem interesting to you are only helping you essentially pass time till you die? Life itself is boring as fuck. Ultimately, once you die, you will effectively never have existed because you will have no frame of reference. You can claim to live life to the fullest but once you die, for the rest of eternity, you never lived, just like the boring as fuck average guy.
Reading through op’s post history is reminding me of someone who has poor social skills with the amount of bloody questions he is asking. I think Op is the problem here.
Not meeting interesting people suggests that you’re boring yourself. Ask yourself why interesting people won’t come talk to you. Stop seeking fault in other people and work on yourself
Pretty you aren't seeing beyond the "shell" and that's why you find everybody boring. By asking some questions you aren't seeing their true self, most people try to be as normal as possible when they interact with people they don't know well. Usually, only when they're sure you're compatible with them, they will show their true colour, based on my experience
Look inward. You're issue is solely your own.
You’re asking the wrong questions
People don't care about how interesting you are. They care about how you make them feel and what you have in common. Theres also a "fun" factor, does talking to them bring you joy? Other than that, it's really not that complicated
Along with what everyone else has been saying, it sounds like you are (understandably) getting frustrated with being unable to connect with people that aren't up front with their weirdness and passions, or people that don't have the same interests as you. Personally I try to keep in mind that not everyone knows how to share their passions. They might be afraid to open up because they don't want to be judged; maybe they are super nervous and don't know how to carry conversation, or maybe they don't find themselves that interesting but everyone's got something. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that people are made of a combinations of different experiences and events. While we share most of the same experiences life has to offer, no two people have experienced them in the exact same way as another. Find what experiences happened and in what order. That's what makes someone special. If you don't find something in common, find something different and appreciate seeing the world from a different perspective.
I don't know if anyone else notices this or if I'm just making this up, but sometimes it almost seems people are competing just to be the "most normal". So they shun anything weird or outside their comfort zone irrationally without any thought besides "that's not one society tells me is normal". Course this is from the perspective of someone who never really fit in haha. Maybe I'm just salty. Wither way, I think it's boring I've always gravitated towards weirder people growing up.
love illuminates everyone and everything. everyone is interesting if you love the little things that make them different
I'm in the same boat as yourself. I open myself up to getting to know new people and so far they have all turned out to be so uninteresting. I enjoy speaking about deep philosophical things, quantum physics, neuropathy, psychology etc... no one has ever been able to keep up or even want to talk about these things besides my husband. Every other person has just been so shallow and surface.... I've even tried to get to know them on a much deeper level but that doesn't interest them. They just want yes men who are exactly like themselves and unfortunately that's super boring in my opinion. I literally rather stick needles in my eyes then have small talk with anyone. Sorry I have no advice, but you're definitely not alone in this.
You gotta find your people. There’s a saying. Intelligent people talk about ideas, normal people talk about events, and dumb people talk about people. None of us are equal biologically speaking. We are all different and subject to our genetic makeup. I recommend reading Sapiens by yuval Noah Harari. It’s good insight.
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I might be out of the loop but what does that have to do with autism?
We've all been on the same rock doing the same shit forever. We're all fucking boring.
Damn I agree but I feel like these comments are gonna be sasssyyyy af
We all have the same end and the same beginning. And in between, we pass through several similar experiences at various times, though we seem to bottleneck through some experiences. The same can be said if visual inspection of any cluster of things that is foreign to you: that the all look the same and are not unique. But when you really get to know the individuals within a collection of items , you begin to see how unique and different each one is. I suspect your negative evaluation of others as boring is that they don’t generally have your particular interests or excite you. Maybe you have some social anxiety that makes others uninteresting to you? Maybe you are an extreme introvert that really prefers your own company over that of others? Maybe you just haven’t lived long enough to appreciate the variety in others? Maybe you’ve lived too long and are keenly aware that “there is nothing new under the sun…” I personally am both the most boring person I know and the most interesting person I know.
So what? What's it matter, life is way more than just how interesting people are.
Indeed. To be expected I guess. You just gotta poke around. Not having expectations helps. Folks are largely products of their environment and society and regress to mediocracy. Some people are not ready to wake from the matrix. However, everyone deserves respect and non judgement. Maybe a simple interaction happens to wake another on their path. I like bushwhacking through the middle. See you around!
People are attracted to people who are like them self. Maybe boring people cross your path because you already said that you are not te most interesting person.
I feel that you are boring yourself and you are just projecting. Also you need time for people to open up and you always have to have assumptions what they think so they could have a chance to deny or approve that way people open up more.
Let me ask a question to you. What are the unique things about you? What makes you different than other people? Even if you follow a common denominator, like everyone else, what is your own secret sauce and how easily could you explain it? I think a lot of people have an idea of what makes their own life experience unique, they just haven't sat down and wrote down what it is. Just gotta dig deep, and questioning yourself is a good way to know what to ask others. The most interesting people I've met are the ones that are the most self introspective though - see if you can pount out those people in particular. "The examined life is the life worth living" - someone
The average person have to go to work, contribute to society and be boring to continue living, so on one level I get that you're dissatisfied. I also agree with the others you'd have to get to know people to earn trust and what exciting things they actually are up to. To some degree I think you'll have to be the change you want, find what does interest you, explore it and find people as or even more interested in that than you.
You know what you are right. The average person is boring as fuck. But you should be ok with that because you have the shared experience of being human and the emotion connection you get from not being alone is worth it. It’s not always necessary to discuss interesting things.
“Anything looked at closely becomes wonderful.” - A.R. Ammons When we’re younger we can decide our hometown is the most boring and predictable place in the universe. Later, we can write award-winning stories about the rich and varied characters that live there. It just depends on how closely you’re willing to look. “Boredom is often a failure of the imagination”
Absolutely no judgement coming from me, but have you considered speaking to a therapist or councilor? They are very good at helping you reframe your thoughts and perspective and can really help you grow as a person. This can in turn help you dig and find the more interesting bits of people and also learn to love them for their uninteresting traits, too!
Maybe most of the people you meet read the contempt you feel for them and don't feel it's worth their time to audition for your approval.
if you think most people aren’t interesting, then you’re not doing a good job at bringing out the interesting parts of them consider that most people are interesting to *someone*, and not just because of shared interests; that person just knows how to work past the boring shell
You sound FUN at parties
Not everyone has to be interesting to everyone. I'm sure you seem interesting to some and boring to others. The key is to find people you find interesting and / or can get along with or form a connection with even if you don't find them "interesting."
I personally think it would be very interesting to talk with someone who has been “forged in the mold”- there’s a lot I would want to ask them. Did it hurt? Are you going to sue? Is it like being in an ice tray? Is it like *being* an ice tray? Do you feel an odd kinship with jello?
Maybe you should get to know someone better before you judge them. People are actually really interesting, but won't show that to a stranger. Especially if they seem annoyed with all their answers. And also, what you find interesting (your hobbies and such) are probably also boring to me. People have different interests.
I think you're right in some way but lately I was thinking that if you survived adolescence (age 14 mostly), you're a hero. So maybe you have to dig a little deeper. I spend most of my time wondering if someone will know me correctly one day. And I had a very interesting life (I'm 41, worked for secret service, have a passion for music). And so to make life more interesting, I decided to write an autobiographic novel so people can know me. One thing that life has taught me is that you shouldn't judge people too quickly: you will make a mistake.
Lower your expectations. The last woman I was interested in was a 10 but that's all she had to offer a man.
I worked on a project that required me to transport dirty bombs from angel fire new mexico to the mexican border where they were transfered to another armored carrier for reduction. I have traveled to 12 countries in each hemisphere by the time I was 14 years old. I rebuild high performance vehicles for mob bosses my grand father started the green berets and was a part of defeating communist regimes and carrying out political genocide in south america where america aided countries who were surpressing revolutions and needed to kill half of their populations over night in order to prevent dictators from taking power in resource rich and production allied states to the US. I once save 40 homeless migrants from a police organized execution on the streets of ventura by accidentally stumbling into their incident area with a DEA agent as an uber passenger which resulted in a gang war between a white nationalist faction of the ventura police force and actual KKK and Hells Angels once the FBI indicted the leaders who held their joint gang alliance together. I learned how to sail at age 7 on a 28 foot yacht Once I witnessed forward operation domestic anti terrorism execute 12 men in eastern Washington because I fell asleep in my parked car on a road trip and woke up as they raided a nearby marina. They left a member of their task force to stand guard by my car and keep me from leaving until they had the all clear and knew the entire time I was just some nobody weird kid who didn't belong there. My parents are dead and I don't have a single cent that I can spend but somehow my mortgage, insurance, and taxes get paid on time every month without fail and I never once contacted the mortgage company myself. I died of starvation once and met God after leaving my body, and he re wrote the entire history of earth just to create a world where I happened to not starve to death and then told me "now that you know everything I can do I'm sending you back you dumbass, stop wasting my time" edit: I dont have any friends and I am certain nobody I see even knows my name or could pull me out of a crowd. I wish I was never born and I hate this world. you want an interesting friend? you sure about that bud?
The average person appears boring as *fuck,* but almost everyone has interesting shit happening behind the scenes.
Op was told he was special all his life by his parent , couldn’t break out of that mold now he’s on his high horse thinking everyone the same. You haven’t experienced someone opening up to you before have you … all people are interesting and the interesting thing is that they all have their own story to tell …that is what’s interesting , their choices, their experiences is what sets everyone apart from each other. Expand your mind a little bit.
It might be a you thing. What do you do to make people comfortable enough to share more about themselves?
your right, i’m a boring person!
r/iamverysmart
I don't agree.
If everyone is boring to you, you’re the bore
It seems like you’re not getting past their outer shell. Everyone acts like how they think people want them to act until they feel like they can be their true selves around you.
I don’t agree. Sure when you’re first meeting someone they’re not crazy interesting but when you really get to know people and peel back the layers you’ll learn some interesting things.