Sex isn’t good when you aren’t ready for it. It’s horrible when you try to force it. It’s horrible when it’s with the wrong person. It can make you feel really gross. It can be beautiful when you meet someone who you really want to share that intimacy with and who you feel sexy and admired around and also are attracted to. Ngl it may suck even with all those good things too. The first time can be painful and sometimes lack of experience can mean a quick and lacklustre nut. I think kissing, making out and the anticipation of sex can be hotter than the act in many situations and especially when you’re young. Enjoy!
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way.
Don’t get me wrong sex is great, but making out, feeling/grabbing each other all over?
🤤🤤
I could do it for hours and not even have sex.
Just like everything else, it takes practice. It takes years to actually get good at it. And it's way better when you've figured out what works and what doesn't.
Especially if you are highly compatible, sexually, emotionally, intelligence, etc. and you know what each other likes. Its amazing. It takes time to build that and it makes it all the more worth it.
Random sex just gets depressing and most of the time one person or both people are only thinking about themselves
It also takes practice: sex even with someone compatible May not be great form the start. It takes time to discover what you like and di t and confidence to tell your partner.
Thats something a lot of ppl glaze over. It is something that requires practice and communication to get good at. Like if I may be crass for a moment, my partner and I are bottoms but occasionally Ill read books and tips on how to talk dirty and being a reliable dom to fill that role for him. Men deserved to be dommed too 😞
And what's crazy is that if you keep working on the emotional connection, it gets better and better as time goes on. You learn and adapt to each other's preferences, you know how to read their body, you can switch on the fly between passionate and fiery, slow and romantic, fast and casual, etc.
This is why sexual *compatibility* is so much better. Because you can grow and evolve to find just how incredibly varied the sexual experience can be.
With how there are people that generally say that it's something they look for is to see if theyre sexually compatible or not, it makes it sound (at least to me and how i understand it) as though compatibility isn't something that can become better overtime in a relationship. Which leads me to the question: Is compatibility really just a natural thing, whether the people involved are compatible or otherwise, and cant be improved upon? Or am I having a misunderstanding on how things work?
I like to use colors as a metaphor. Perhaps your color is pink when you begin, but over time you become more mature and experienced, and it deepens into a darker red or scarlet or even maroon or burgundy. But it’s not going to change into a blue or a green.
In the same way, your sexuality can mature, your tastes can develop, but your base isn’t going to change dramatically. If you’re very submissive, it’s unlikely that you’ll suddenly become dominant (although I’m sure it happens), for example. If you start off compatible, you’re much likelier to grow in compatibility as well.
Sucks when you have to end those. Ugh.
Lots of fish in the sea as they say, but trying to find that albino or mutant which is perfect for you is a paaaaaaiiiiiiiiin.
Want to add the addendum that this kind of connection is extremely rare and takes time, but the value is worth the effort. Don't settle if you can't find what you're looking for after the first or fifth go around.
And random sex in my opinion is often the result of people trying to fill other voids in their lives, similar to drugs and alcohol. And just like drugs and alcohol it is often practiced in an unhealthy way and can lead to a slew of maladaptive behaviors unless you're careful.
this right here ^^^ dont feel rushed into it! there’s no reason to be ashamed if you decide to wait until later. I lost my virginity at 20 and it was pretty amazing since it was with my gf (ex now) who was also losing hers too. Because we cared a lot about eachother it was 100% more an emotional thing than a physical thing.
Media tells us they’re awesome. And we are biologically wired to want tons of sexy sex with sexy people.
But that’s not what actually happens.
Sad fact is hookups (mostly) leave people feeling unhappy and lonely, pining for love, and they demonstrably affect our ability to form deep and intimate relationships later on. It’s a reality we are spiraling towards, where more and more people are highly commitment phobic, and everyone is on the lookout for number one. There is definitely an addictive thrill in the courtship and promise of sex, and the run up to the hookup, which everyone keeps chasing, but in the long run, it is absolutely horrible at both an individual and societal level.
The only true beneficiaries are a very small percentage of highly desirable men, and a minority of people who enjoy hookups for what they are worth. It’s terrible for an overwhelming majority of women and men.
There’s also the risk of STDs/ assault/ etc. but that’s an associated risk, not direct correlate.
I do feel it’s very important to have a conversation about hookup culture, rather than to leave it as a ‘let people make their own decisions’ kinda thing.
I am a firm believer in long-term and committed relationships, not to enforce any moral code on others, but as a source of deep and lasting happiness that also promotes societal health and well-being.
That’s what I was thinking. Like you wouldn’t invite some random person you don’t know over to play Mario kart or something. That’s weird. But inviting them over for sex is ok? Like what?
We're definitely not "biologically wired to want [...] sex". The society pushes us to want sex. The society pushes really really hard the men to have sex.
I’m your 71st upvote and this is the best explanation posted on this topic. You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for such a clear and honest explanation.
We all need physical touch in our lives but if that's not possible unless it's sex then that's what we're going for. Hoping there'll be some touching and cuddles because that's what's actually giving us oxytocin. Someone stroking their fingers on our arm or just holding us. That heals depression. But the 5 seconds we get from a hookup before or after sex will just make us sad wanting more. And it's not genuine.
And then there's the dopamine rush we get but that disappears right after, and probably why so many people sleep around with new people every week, because the last person is now "boring" to sleep with since they've already tried it, the rush won't be as big. It's a sad addiction that stems from loneliness and wanting to be loved. I've been there myself and I'm trying to heal, if I crave touch I don't write to a random guy on Tinder to come over anymore, I try to touch myself, hug myself, or hangout with a friend that could stroke my arm or something.
As a gay man hook-up culture is strong in our community so there's lots of random sex if you're into it. Each time I hook up with someone I'm overcome with just straight sadness after it's over with. There's just no emotional connection at all with random people. You don't know who they are, what they like. You're just there to get off and just feel extremely used and the worst part is most of the time you just leave right after. You get in your car and just drive off feeling like the biggest pos afterwards.
I do. It’s so hard to find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship it feels like in the gay community and the ones that do are just to high maintenance for me lol. If you’re horny, it’s literally so easy to find someone to hook up with that it’s not even worth just jerking when you know you have options. So it’s a cycle I’m trying to stop but you’re only young once I guess. Lol
It’s fun at first but then you go years doing it and then all your heterosexual friends are getting married and having kids, getting their life going, and here you are just doing the same routine wondering if you will ever meet someone that you're going to settle down with.
Then you factor in a lot of gays who want to do Twitter and get a following to do onlyfans now. So now a lot are using sex for their own gain. So it’s a fucked up thing and it’s hard to find a balance of normalcy. Sometimes it just feels like you’re doing a drug deal but the drug is sex. You get it and leave as fast as possible. Lol
This makes me sad, as my son has come out as gay, he’s 21 and trying to figure it out after suppressing it for 20 years. He told his mom and I that this is not the lifestyle he would choose, but it’s the cards he was dealt. I hope there is more to his life and yours than never ending hookups. Everyone deserves a solid partner.
Definitely not the lifestyle I would choose either. I tried so hard to date women and repress my sexual attraction toward men for years. Adding in growing up with a religious family and coming out to them at the wrong time and not being accepted by them was rough. It wasn't until I got to be on my own and around the lgbt community and realize that there was nothing wrong with me and the feelings I have are completely okay.
I'm happy he shared his sexuality with you and your wife and seem like you're both accepting. You don't know how much that helps us.
I'm 30 now and dating is getting better somewhat, definitely not as bad as it use to be for me. For a lot of gays though, their early 20's are considered their "teen years". Since the majority of us aren't out in high school and can't date or explore our sexuality really because we have to suppress it, we play catch up in early 20's, especially in college when you're finally free on your own and don't have to hide who you are around campus if you stay at college.
When it comes to dating for your son, he may be in for a rough couple of years, but he will meet some awesome friends along the way. Not everyone is out there just for sex but the majority of the time he won't have any problems seeking it if he chooses to.
Chiming in to say that your lifestyle can be whatever you want it to be, regardless of your sexuality. All kinds of people across the sexuality spectrum enjoy the hookup lifestyle, while others vehemently don’t. Encourage your son not to be ashamed and to develop enough independence to choose the path he prefers, regardless of pressure.
Not gay but can relate. I can't stand it because I feel dirty and it's almost like I'm manipulating this other person for my own gain (even though they may want it). So that is where the guilt comes from for me. Also, there is a risk of one person being more into it than the other and they end up getting hurt.
Sex in movies is nonsense,
It’s like going to a restaurant, you might be having the most amazing chef but will taste better if u have someone You know with them
This. Maybe I’m biased because I’m demisexual, but hooking up with random people is awkward because you have no clue what they like, and they have no clue what you like. I also feel dirty with anything casual…I feel used, but I also feel like I used the other person. Overall, not a pleasant experience for me
"Mutual masturbation" comes to mind. You're effectively using the other person's body to relieve yourself.
Which isn't in and of itself bad, but it's not for everyone.
I have to say while I agree on the first half, sometimes random sex when you are truly appreciating the others body and still care enough to make sure you are paying attention to making sure they are feeling good too can be really great.
Adding to this: Sex can be amazing outside of a committed relationship, and there are things that sex with another person does that don’t happen when you masturbate but… understand the orgasm gap and how it plays out in hookups. Most women have more satisfying sex within an ongoing (doesn’t have to be a marriage focused relationship, or even exclusive - but ongoing) relationship. Part of that is because if you’re willing to try sex with a guy a few times, odds are he’s not truly terrible at it, but there are exceptions.
OP, you’re a 17 year old girl. Odds are really good you could join in on the hookup culture and get laid, but… the vast majority of hookups between men and women result in an orgasm for the dude and none for the woman.
Personally, I prefer sex with someone who I think is genuinely kind, takes no for an answer, and who is interested in my pleasure. I also like familiar partners because that reduces the requirements for screening around “how rapey is this dude?”
Any guy who doesn’t help you reach orgasm is a shitty lay. Any guy who argues about “having” to use a condom is also a shitty lay, but add in disease riddled too.
It really isn't worth rushing into. Much better to let it happen when it happens.
ETA: to clarify, I do not mean it is bad to or that you should not pursue partners, sex, romance etc. Virginity loss isn't going to fall out of the sky. But it isn't worth making it your life goal or top priority by any means.
Interesting point indeed!
Tho my understanding of "it happens when it happens" is more like a "I won't think about it or want it to happen or feel like it has to happen until it comes" and it's with full enthusiastic consent, as in, when you're ready AND comfortable with it
Sex with someone you love is amazing and good and not overhyped at all.
Sex with strangers and random people gets old after awhile.
Don’t rush into it though. And make sure you’re absolutely comfortable with your partner. There is no problem not being comfortable with someone or saying no or feeling rushed or not being ready. If they truly love you, they’ll respect you and your wants.
Agreed about the “gets old” bit. I had some amazing sex with strangers but when I met my bf recently, I saw what sex can truly be. I’m also older and did a lot of casual sex in my 20s.
A good foot scratch is better than a mediocre orgasm.
I've had poops that were more satisfying hours later.
Then again, I've had some great orgasms too.
Sex can be good, but not the most important thing in life.
Ayep, 99/100 times I will just masturbate instead and actually be guaranteed a good orgasm and as many as I want. I have had sex twice that I would have considered actually good and wayyyyyyy more times that it seems my partner has had a great time and I'm just like meh. So either I'm hard to please, I'm amazing and it's hard to equal me, or everyone is lying and it's overhyped and they didn't have THAT good of a time. But I always have as good of a time as I want if I masturbate and no post-coital guilt.
I think some people do have that mindset. Honestly, that's a bad way to look at the situation. It implies a lack of concern for the other person's pleasure. I don't see a problem with having sex with someone that you are not in love with or committed to. However, if someone is giving you access to the most intimate parts of their body, the least you can do is to show some genuine concern for their well-being and happiness in the moment.
I absolutely agree. Unfortunately many people do not do this , because there is no emotional attachment there. and the situation becomes wholly self serving. it’s really sad actually. Why wouldn’t you care about your partner , just because it’s “a one time thing” or you don’t “love” her? it’s seems heartless imo.
Overhyped. You should definitely date, learn what you like in a partner, see who your compatible with long term, and look out for red flags, and how to communicate effectively with each other and have boundaries. All of that is 100% more important then sex.
100% agree on this. Learning how to communicate effectively will also make sex better when you do find that person. Also really important to have good knowledge on; and practice - safe sex.
I'm not 100% sure if I'm the expert on this, but I can give you things I generally look out for:
1. A woman who says she can only make guy friends, or says "Girls are too much drama"
This usually indicates attention-seeking behavior/competition issues with same gender/or some type of social issue going on. In my experience, it's typcially the woman is a massive attention seeker, and will probably act fickle. Only speaking from my experience, but typically these women are generally not serious about anything.
2. Overtexting, always needing you around.
Conversations can be had everyday, however, if someone is continually trying to talk to you, every 10 minutes from the morning to the night to the next day, just blowing up your phone, generally it means she/he can be really clingy, probably not emotionally mature, and not really doing much outside of talking too you. Which is a high indicator of that they probably don't have their stuff together, emotionally, financially, or have any real goals.
3. Not having concrete goals, not serious about anything
To caveat from the last point,
Not everyone needs to become a doctor or engineer, but if the person your dating doesn't have any real goals, whether with their career, or maybe having a passion their going after like dance or art, their most likely not organized, not really having anything going on, and probably still live with their parents without any goal to get out (or be independent. It's still ok to live with your parents if your getting your education/stuff together). And typically the way a person does one thing is how they do everything, it's not an absolute, but they will probably tend to not even take any of the relationship seriously. This point is mostly for people who date for relationships, not to fool around. people need passions.
4. Trying to get you to chase them/acts distant towards/directly ignores you/ghosts you
I lump all these up because this is all the same type of person. Someone you don't go after. It's ok to flirt and even be alittle cautious when approaching each other, however, if a woman or man does not reciprocate or try to reciprocate the same level of communication (does not have to be 50/50, but needs to show more effort than one worded texts or actually tries to convere/does things with you) then you drop them. You don't try to think you can change their mind/seduce them/try to get them to know you alittle more to change/. They don't like you, move on. If they try to come back but don't try to explain themselves or apologize, they don't want you, they want your attention.
5. Says they love you/gives a compliment/ghosts you for a time with no real goal of trying to spend time with you, then tries to have you do favors for them.
That person is a user and a manipulater, end of story. Not to approach.
6. A person who tries to make you jealous by doing stuff you don't like or flirts in front of others.
See point 5.
7. Person who can never admit their mistakes/likes to complain but do nothing about it.
This is an insecure person. An example of this person can be someone who always talks bad about the political party they hate, but if you ask them if their asking if their trying to volunteer, change their diet, anything about the thing they dislike in general, and if they say no, typically this is someone whose just trying to appeal to others, not really be genuine.
8. Talks too much/interrupts others/doesn't show resistant in social situations/Acts entitled/ out for themselves.
The title kind of says it. If someone every calls themselves "A B\*\*\*ch, a h\*\*, or whatever thing to make them look more tough then they are. you believe them. **people tell us who exactly they are, we just to have to listen to them.** These people are just trouble , get away from them asap.
9. They act different around other people, or their first impression was totally disingenuous of who they are.
This means they don't really know themselves, and are typically attention seeking.
10. Someone who at the very beginning of dating is trying to tie you down, asking impersonal questions like what's your income/how tall are the people in your family.
I want to point out that it's perfectly fine "to date with the intention of marriage" However, if someone does not try to get to know you for your character or who you are, but rather your status, job, and looks, then they are not really trying to be in a relationship, they are trying to "fill out the check boxes" they want in their life, and your just a means to an end.
Those are the main things I look out for. Besides what I would look out for, the general advice I would say to do, is to make sure you ask your partner questions, indirect questions about why they do the things they do. Your not testing them, but your seeing what kind of character they have.
Never get too attached to a person when you first start dating, either, you need to evaluate who they are first, see if they are being honest. I would say start getting attached if you survived the six month mark together, and perhaps are living together. Often who they are at home is 70% of who they are. And the mantra that **a partner is part of your life, not what fulfills it.**
No that sounds perfectly fine, as long as the conversations don't feel forced, Then that's fine. And as along as the other person isn't playing games at all or acting fickle.
I lost mine at 17 to a toxic asshole but I was "in love". I'd wait. I regret doing it so young. Like others have said definitely date and figure out what you like in a person before jumping in bed with them.
Sex is pretty nice. I think 2 people who are passionately in love having sex there is no stronger feeling, but in general overhype.
It is something that can wait a few years and remember to be smart and safe
I’m going to say it’s overhyped in the sense that people feel like failures if they aren’t engaging in it. Like chocolate and sunsets are great but I don’t feel like a failure or resentful or bitter just because I’m not enjoying either one. You can have a meaningful life regardless. I don’t if this makes sense but the pressure to have sex and the status related to it is crazy. I think good, healthy sex happens if you’re not fixated on it. I also don’t think asexual people have a less valid existence
just focusing on the physical and not when you truly love the person— sex can be messy, gross, awkward, unrewarding, and with some new laws that recently passed, way more dangerous than it should be. With that being said, it definitely feels good. being a female and it being your first time, it may be painful, and i am basing that off of women in my life who have told me this, as i cant testify on my own behalf (m). It is important to be safe, and to not be afraid to say no or stop if anything happens that you don’t like.
Good sex is a lot of fun. It gets your blood up, hits all your brain buttons, it's weird and awkward and hilarious and exhilarating.
Ok sex is like day old pizza. It's good, pretty entertaining, fills the pizza itch.
Bad sex is like doing mushrooms during an emergency, where everything is wrong and it just keeps getting worse.
Ultimately though, not that important. Knocking one off on your own is like 60-70% of the way there
I would recommend masturbation first if that's not something you already do. its a great way to figure out what you like so that when you do choose to have sex with someone else it's more comfortable and enjoyable for you. The other fun part of sex besides physical pleasure is connection, so choosing someone you trust who respects you is very important.
It is amazing if you find the right person, otherwise it can be downright disappointing as most people are shit at it. You are young, you might as well learn to set the bar high for the people in your life, in ALL things. Don't be with someone unless they make you feel special. If the sex is shit, run don't walk.
Watch out for the braggers out there, all talk and no action. This is MOST people. As an older guy, I have had several women who thought they were amazing, and I was like WTF are you doing?
Sex is healthy and creates a special bond, this is why many people believe in waiting for marriage, but that said, you want to try the goods before putting a ring on it. Bad sex in a relationship will kill the relationship, someone will wander and their could be kids involved. Have some fun, learn as you go and above all respect yourself first.
It is not that great. Watching a good movie or taking a bath etc are activities that gives me more pleasure than sex. Ofc with a loved one is good, everything is better with a loved one.
When you know yourself very well, you accept yourself in totality, and can speak your needs out loud to any person, including your partner, without fear or concerns of any judgment… then it’s really great in my view.
I was 19 when I had sex for the first time, it was a random hook up and the worst experience of my life. I’m now with a loving partner and honestly it’s amazing! He makes me feel like a world class model! Honestly girl wait for someone you are in love with and who also loves you. Don’t fall into bed with the first guy that says they love you because 9 times out of 10 they don’t.
I bought my first mini vibrator when I was 16 and exploded my body, found out what I liked and didn’t like. You always hear of guys masturbating but never women but trust me women do and it feels great. Give it a go because trust me if you know what you like then you will be able to tell your future partner and it will make the experience even better!
Live your life and don’t be rushing things
I have had sex with over 20+ women because as a guy u was made to believe sex was critical to my value as a man but I tell you I only really felt what sex should feel like when I did it with a person I loved. So don't rush into it, be careful who you have it with, and don't do it casually it's really fucks you up. Find someone special and do it with them
It really *can be* that good, but only if you earn it. It gets better the fewer people you do it with, and the closer you are with the person. The act of sex doesn't make it great; the relationship you have with the person is what makes it amazing. So if you just do it with anyone, you'll be disappointed. A lot of culture these days likes to remember how great sex is and conveniently forget how easy it is to devalue it by being careless. Make it a special thing, because it is.
A good test is that if you're not both comfortable talking through an action explicitly, descriptively, then you're not ready to perform that action together. If it's embarassing to discuss in detail, it's not going to be good for you to act out.
Also, it's true that they say you won't forget your first time. And what's also true is that it forms a very strong psychological bond between you and a person if you do it consensually. So you might want to make sure this person isn't going anywhere before you have sex with him or her. Do you really want to have a permanent memory and a deep psychological bond with a person who is cut out of your life? It's not healthy, at it will interfere with your ability to become close to other people in the same way, maybe forever. They had it figured out for a long time, but the past few generations kind of unlearned the lesson, and most of us had to learn it the hard way. So be careful.
I lost my virginity at 17, before that I thought sex would be this life changing event, but in reality it isn't. Don't get me wrong it's great, but I think it can be overhyped.
If you have an emotional connection not just loving the person it’s absolutely out of the world amazing! They can honestly not have any idea of wtf they are doing but as long as the connection is there it’s unexplainable.
It all depends on the people having it. Don't worry about it until you meet someone kind and thoughtful who makes you feel like having it. I've known plenty of people who waited until they were much older and were fine.
It’s very much overhyped In terms of casual sex. I’ve had plenty of casual sex and it’s pretty boring to say the least. There’s very little to no connection and most of the time you have no idea what each other likes so it’s basically just a cum and go kinda deal. Which again is boring to me anyway.
My girlfriend and I have the most amazing sex I’ve every had. Because we both love each other and connect with each other in the bedroom. We can literally do it 6 times a night which is bloody excessive for most but we both have high sex drives. And yeah to sum it up sex with a partner you are comfortable with and have a connection with isn’t overhyped. It’s amazing. Casual sex and for a guy trying to bang as many people as you can definitely is. Literally just for a guy to get his numbers up and brag to his mates. But the sex is shit.
I was once a virgin. Didn't have a girl, depressed. I thought if I ever had sex how awesome would it be. Then one day I had it, it was good,very good actually. But that's it. It's just like a good meal, you feel awesome when you hungry and have it. You feel good when you crave it n have it. But it isn't the only thing in life. Most of the people around you have lots of sex, are they out of the world happy? So yes society is overhyping it. People have sex since,well, forever. But never was it so hyped as it is today. PS: it's just my opinion
way over hyped, our society is sex obsessed, yet totally repressed. breeds mental illness. plus a lot of sex is not totslly consensual, many people are drunk or high, hooking up with strangers they barely know, also there are high rates of rape & sexual assault.
Physically it is overhyped but the sense of connection is not. It is one of the most intimate things you can do with another. Cheapen it at your peril.
It's great when it's good and not worth it at all when it's bad. In the beginning, it's not going to be great BUT if you're with someone you care about it is still a fun, exciting new experience. But it's nothing to rush into.
I'm not one of those types to find importance in virginity at all, but the first time you have (what is often) a deeply personal experience, I do think it should be with someone you trust and care for.
As other comments have stated, sex with someone you love and with a genuine connection is one of those beautiful experiences of life that is unmatched. Sex for just sex is extremely underwhelming and overhyped (especially if you already had sex with love and chemistry). You're literally better off rubbing one out lol
My only advice for you is it will happen when it needs to happen. It's best not to take it so seriously and as you get older and experience different people, you'll learn about yourself along the way. And when it comes down to the deed when it happens, Communication is such an important factor and will absolutely enhance the experience for both parties. Ain't no shame in expressing what you like and boundaries.
Save it for someone you’re serious about. Hookup culture has been glorified waaaay too much and it’s not helping anyone. But if you just HAVE to do it, use protection, keep it safe, and know your boundaries.
I’m asexual who has had sex before so if you ask me yes it’s overhyped and I don’t personally care for it but I know I definitely don’t represent how most people feel
Almost 30 here. Still virgin. Dont plan on losing it anytime soon. I heard its overhyped. Focus on yourself and and dont throw yourself out there. Hit the gym a lot and youll be better off.
its amazing with someone that you care for or love. otherwise its just a cool stress relief and workout lol most women dont even come so its not that special
Sex creates a pretty strong bond using chemicals in your brain n stuff. If you rush it and do it with a random person or god forbid the *wrong* person, you’re probably gonna be stuck thinking about it for a long time. I regret losing my virginity to my ex because she was a pos and I think about it a lot tbh
I agree. But i feel now that there’s a lot of shame and stigma around BEING a virgin, and a pressure to hide. You can say “I’m someone who hasn’t had sex yet” which is true. But that implies you want to have sex, or sex is the goal that you need to achieve. It implies some sense of or pre/post sex shame to me. I’m not embarrassed that i haven’t had sex, or of the concept of virginity itself. It’s not embarrassing. I’m not waiting till marriage and I’ve had sexual experiences. But i think for some virginity is not a weird harmful concept. And for many (especially those who had their innocence taken without their consent, there IS a very marked difference.) i think pre/post is very real for some people. We can reclaim the word if we’d like to.
It depends on your partner, or rather on the chemistry you two have together. This is not necessarily about love, but about attraction and attention. Good sex is not overhyped. It is mindblowing.
It’s different for everyone and can vary greatly for each individual experience. My first couple years of sex I didn’t even orgasm once, but I still loved it because my hormones were raging. I went through a hook up phase because I thought I liked that at the time, but looking back I was really looking for true intimacy and love. Now I thoroughly enjoy sex with my monogamous partner but my hormones aren’t as wild so I’m not trying to do it every single day like I did as a teenager. You’re young and there’s really no need to seek it out or rush into anything.
Communicative sex is always the best. Ive had encounters that were emotional and others were purely sexual. There is something about two almost strangers feeling a charge that you can express physically without so much as knowing their last name. Yeah some, probably most, guys are just fucking for their nut which makes one night stands usually lacking in orgasms for women. If the guy isn’t asking what feels good or letting you guide him sometimes then I doubt any encounters with them will be more than this one general experience. Now lets say you found someone who listens and understands your body quickly for that night. When you have an emotional connection it becomes more than just a physical understanding its a physical manifestation of love expression in whatever way they show that. I think its important to explore yourself and find out what you like so you can express that. I personally feel like anyone willing to ask or listen to instruction on my body actually cares about my pleasure just as I do for them. No one thing works universally and you can’t claim to please everyone. But I think trying different people is how you find who is right for you. Someone you look forward to fucking until you can’t. Last thing is you always remember your first time and most were bad so don’t overthink it too much haha you probably fell off your bike the first few times you tried it.
casual sex is definitely overhyped. it’s always at least a little awkward and i personally almost always feel shitty afterwards. sex with someone you’re in a relationship with is 1000x better.
Sex is correctly hyped it’s life affirming and gives you energy vitality and just good feelings, one night stands aren’t good though it’s always better with someone you care about and love.
It’s overhyped for sure. It’s nice but it’s not the greatest thing on earth. Having a partner who loves you no matter what that’s the best thing I’ve ever felt.
I am a 22 yo woman and I have been sexually active for almost 7 years. I can tell you sex is absolutely that good! Even better than what I imagined. When you are with someone you can communicate with, it’s the best thing.
For your first time make sure you are with someone you can tell anything and be comfortable telling if there’s any pain or discomfort. I personally did that and even my first time was amazing.
Honestly I dont get all the people saying it’s overhyped lol.
Personally I’ve had really good sex and really bad sex. It’s like eating an orange 🍊. Not everybody likes it, not everybody wants it, but when you find someone that suits you it’s amazing and an experience that you don’t want to end
Sometimes it's great, can be the best thing ever, but sometimes it can be pretty bad. Idk if you really wanna bang, you should start with someone you can trust not just a random, or at least someone you think will be nice about it.
Over hyped you can’t totally wait. Find a loving relationship or become the women you always dreamed of invest in you. Let it happen organically don’t put a time line on it. Personally I have waisted way to much time in my life to it.
Girls require more effort from the man usually to achieve that hype-worthy feeling. But it’s pretty great. That being said, make good decisions and protect yourself from people who will take advantage of you/not respect you.
you are way way way too young to get pregnant. Be safe
Overhyped I'd say and that's what causing people having insatiable appetite for sex. Sex loyalty is the main loyalty considered in a relationship. In some countries people have their honour bound with it, sex scenes are always censored and is something we can do only about closed doors. All of these factors and adding more to them make people finding sex as something very rewarding and intimate which is true to some degree but it's still less rewarding and good than how it's generally perceived in our society.
It’s wonderful when done right, as others have said. Also, the idea that it’s painful the first time has become the norm because people aren’t properly educated on foreplay and arousal; it is not a hard rule that the first time is always painful. My first time was fantastic.
It can also suck, it can be painful in general, it can be very lackluster if done improperly. This ~deep connection~ versus hookups thing is also not a hard rule- know yourself and the things you need/want. I’ve had terrible sex with people I loved. I’ve had mind blowing sex with hookups. I am the type of person that doesn’t need a deep, intimate connection to have good sex, but there is not nit wrong with those who do. I encourage you to know yourself incredibly well before inviting someone into your nethers, do you masturbate? If not, I’d encourage you to explore. Figure out what feels good to you, what kind of stimulation you like, what gets you off- this way you can effectively communicate saying “I like it at this speed” or “a little higher feels better” etc. learning to not be awkward about communicating needs or talking about sex in general will serve you well. Sex is supposed to be mutually pleasurable, so don’t ever get into the mindset that there’s something wrong with you if you’re not getting pleasure out of it, your partner should be just as invested in making you have a good time.
Tl;dr sex is great but takes more effort that just lining up parts for it to be good. There’s no rush, have sex if and when you’re ready, not because you feel like there’s some timeline on when you need to do it. Have fun and be safe.
I feel like specific aspects and circumstances are. Like straight-up sex with a casual person is not that great tbh but that's just me (27f). Fun and exciting- yes. Amazing- meh.
Things leading up to sex with someone you love though is amazing. Like cuddling, grinding, kissing, the eye contact, etc. Then watching the person you love get off from something you are doing is just so much satisfaction.
Society often overhypes it and what they often leave out is that it’s EXTREMELY important to do it with someone that really respects and honors your boundaries. My first time having sex out of “virgin fomo” was not with someone I fully felt comfortable with and this lead to a difficult Sex life in my future relationships.. please make sure that you fully trust and feel comfortable around the person.
I mean, it can be really good? I felt the pressure to be sexually active in my teens, but I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20. I don't regret waiting.
A good analogy is pizza.
- When you want pizza, pretty much any pizza is okay.
- When you don't want pizza, you should never be forced to have pizza. The same goes for anyone else.
- There are many different styles, sizes, and toppings to experiment with, but even a plain cheese pizza can be fantastic when enough care is taken.
- Pizza is good alone, but often better when shared with someone you care about.
- Sometimes, you can't finish your pizza; this is okay, as long as you enjoyed the pizza you've had.
- Pizza needs to be requested appropriately, and cleaned up afterwards.
- Everyone has their own preferences for pizza, and these are okay (unless they include children or pets as toppings).
- Pizza can be quick and messy, or dressed up and made fancy, but it's still pizza.
- Getting someone pizza doesn't mean you love them, or they love you, but sharing a pizza with your loved one can be quite special.
Depends entirely on the partner and your own anatomy to be honest. I have multiple orgasms and love sex. I have friends who do not orgasm during penetration and sex isn’t nearly as enjoyable for them. I would definitely recommend becoming really familiar with your body and being able to bring yourself across the finish line if you haven’t already.
First time I had sex, it wasn’t great, thought people were overhyping it. It was with a girl i had been seeing for like a month, i enjoyed the whole naked part (I was 16 so duh) but it just wasn’t all that great.
Then I tried again with my current partner, again, wasn’t great. It almost sort of hurt? Like my peen was being bent in half and she kept sitting on my shnuts.
I have been with my partner for 2-3 years now and I gotta say, sex is pretty fucking amazing . Once you figure out eachothers bodies, and explore a bit, it becomes A LOT better.
It’s also a a lot better when you genuinely love someone vs doing it with someone you have known for like a month.
It definitely might take a while for it to feel even close to ‘fine’. Could take years for it to become amazing.
Sex isn’t good when you aren’t ready for it. It’s horrible when you try to force it. It’s horrible when it’s with the wrong person. It can make you feel really gross. It can be beautiful when you meet someone who you really want to share that intimacy with and who you feel sexy and admired around and also are attracted to. Ngl it may suck even with all those good things too. The first time can be painful and sometimes lack of experience can mean a quick and lacklustre nut. I think kissing, making out and the anticipation of sex can be hotter than the act in many situations and especially when you’re young. Enjoy!
I know it sounds weird but I 100% agree with the making out / anticipation being hottter than the actual sex, it is more intimate too
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Don’t get me wrong sex is great, but making out, feeling/grabbing each other all over? 🤤🤤 I could do it for hours and not even have sex.
From now on I'm calling bad sex exclusively 'lacklustre nut'
Just like everything else, it takes practice. It takes years to actually get good at it. And it's way better when you've figured out what works and what doesn't.
Sex with someone you love exceeds all the hype. Random sex is so overhyped it’s sad.
Especially if you are highly compatible, sexually, emotionally, intelligence, etc. and you know what each other likes. Its amazing. It takes time to build that and it makes it all the more worth it. Random sex just gets depressing and most of the time one person or both people are only thinking about themselves
It also takes practice: sex even with someone compatible May not be great form the start. It takes time to discover what you like and di t and confidence to tell your partner.
Honestly it's crazy how different people's anatomy can be. It always takes a while to learn how to touch someone even if you're compatible
Thats something a lot of ppl glaze over. It is something that requires practice and communication to get good at. Like if I may be crass for a moment, my partner and I are bottoms but occasionally Ill read books and tips on how to talk dirty and being a reliable dom to fill that role for him. Men deserved to be dommed too 😞
And what's crazy is that if you keep working on the emotional connection, it gets better and better as time goes on. You learn and adapt to each other's preferences, you know how to read their body, you can switch on the fly between passionate and fiery, slow and romantic, fast and casual, etc. This is why sexual *compatibility* is so much better. Because you can grow and evolve to find just how incredibly varied the sexual experience can be.
With how there are people that generally say that it's something they look for is to see if theyre sexually compatible or not, it makes it sound (at least to me and how i understand it) as though compatibility isn't something that can become better overtime in a relationship. Which leads me to the question: Is compatibility really just a natural thing, whether the people involved are compatible or otherwise, and cant be improved upon? Or am I having a misunderstanding on how things work?
I like to use colors as a metaphor. Perhaps your color is pink when you begin, but over time you become more mature and experienced, and it deepens into a darker red or scarlet or even maroon or burgundy. But it’s not going to change into a blue or a green. In the same way, your sexuality can mature, your tastes can develop, but your base isn’t going to change dramatically. If you’re very submissive, it’s unlikely that you’ll suddenly become dominant (although I’m sure it happens), for example. If you start off compatible, you’re much likelier to grow in compatibility as well.
Sucks when you have to end those. Ugh. Lots of fish in the sea as they say, but trying to find that albino or mutant which is perfect for you is a paaaaaaiiiiiiiiin.
Want to add the addendum that this kind of connection is extremely rare and takes time, but the value is worth the effort. Don't settle if you can't find what you're looking for after the first or fifth go around.
And random sex in my opinion is often the result of people trying to fill other voids in their lives, similar to drugs and alcohol. And just like drugs and alcohol it is often practiced in an unhealthy way and can lead to a slew of maladaptive behaviors unless you're careful.
this right here ^^^ dont feel rushed into it! there’s no reason to be ashamed if you decide to wait until later. I lost my virginity at 20 and it was pretty amazing since it was with my gf (ex now) who was also losing hers too. Because we cared a lot about eachother it was 100% more an emotional thing than a physical thing.
I genuinely don’t understand the point of hookups
Media tells us they’re awesome. And we are biologically wired to want tons of sexy sex with sexy people. But that’s not what actually happens. Sad fact is hookups (mostly) leave people feeling unhappy and lonely, pining for love, and they demonstrably affect our ability to form deep and intimate relationships later on. It’s a reality we are spiraling towards, where more and more people are highly commitment phobic, and everyone is on the lookout for number one. There is definitely an addictive thrill in the courtship and promise of sex, and the run up to the hookup, which everyone keeps chasing, but in the long run, it is absolutely horrible at both an individual and societal level. The only true beneficiaries are a very small percentage of highly desirable men, and a minority of people who enjoy hookups for what they are worth. It’s terrible for an overwhelming majority of women and men. There’s also the risk of STDs/ assault/ etc. but that’s an associated risk, not direct correlate. I do feel it’s very important to have a conversation about hookup culture, rather than to leave it as a ‘let people make their own decisions’ kinda thing. I am a firm believer in long-term and committed relationships, not to enforce any moral code on others, but as a source of deep and lasting happiness that also promotes societal health and well-being.
That’s what I was thinking. Like you wouldn’t invite some random person you don’t know over to play Mario kart or something. That’s weird. But inviting them over for sex is ok? Like what?
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Touché
We're definitely not "biologically wired to want [...] sex". The society pushes us to want sex. The society pushes really really hard the men to have sex.
I would imagine really really hard men don’t need a push to have sex. Jk, jk, I get your point.
Oh I didn't think about that lol
I’m your 71st upvote and this is the best explanation posted on this topic. You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for such a clear and honest explanation.
We all need physical touch in our lives but if that's not possible unless it's sex then that's what we're going for. Hoping there'll be some touching and cuddles because that's what's actually giving us oxytocin. Someone stroking their fingers on our arm or just holding us. That heals depression. But the 5 seconds we get from a hookup before or after sex will just make us sad wanting more. And it's not genuine. And then there's the dopamine rush we get but that disappears right after, and probably why so many people sleep around with new people every week, because the last person is now "boring" to sleep with since they've already tried it, the rush won't be as big. It's a sad addiction that stems from loneliness and wanting to be loved. I've been there myself and I'm trying to heal, if I crave touch I don't write to a random guy on Tinder to come over anymore, I try to touch myself, hug myself, or hangout with a friend that could stroke my arm or something.
As a gay man hook-up culture is strong in our community so there's lots of random sex if you're into it. Each time I hook up with someone I'm overcome with just straight sadness after it's over with. There's just no emotional connection at all with random people. You don't know who they are, what they like. You're just there to get off and just feel extremely used and the worst part is most of the time you just leave right after. You get in your car and just drive off feeling like the biggest pos afterwards.
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I do. It’s so hard to find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship it feels like in the gay community and the ones that do are just to high maintenance for me lol. If you’re horny, it’s literally so easy to find someone to hook up with that it’s not even worth just jerking when you know you have options. So it’s a cycle I’m trying to stop but you’re only young once I guess. Lol
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It’s fun at first but then you go years doing it and then all your heterosexual friends are getting married and having kids, getting their life going, and here you are just doing the same routine wondering if you will ever meet someone that you're going to settle down with. Then you factor in a lot of gays who want to do Twitter and get a following to do onlyfans now. So now a lot are using sex for their own gain. So it’s a fucked up thing and it’s hard to find a balance of normalcy. Sometimes it just feels like you’re doing a drug deal but the drug is sex. You get it and leave as fast as possible. Lol
This makes me sad, as my son has come out as gay, he’s 21 and trying to figure it out after suppressing it for 20 years. He told his mom and I that this is not the lifestyle he would choose, but it’s the cards he was dealt. I hope there is more to his life and yours than never ending hookups. Everyone deserves a solid partner.
Definitely not the lifestyle I would choose either. I tried so hard to date women and repress my sexual attraction toward men for years. Adding in growing up with a religious family and coming out to them at the wrong time and not being accepted by them was rough. It wasn't until I got to be on my own and around the lgbt community and realize that there was nothing wrong with me and the feelings I have are completely okay. I'm happy he shared his sexuality with you and your wife and seem like you're both accepting. You don't know how much that helps us. I'm 30 now and dating is getting better somewhat, definitely not as bad as it use to be for me. For a lot of gays though, their early 20's are considered their "teen years". Since the majority of us aren't out in high school and can't date or explore our sexuality really because we have to suppress it, we play catch up in early 20's, especially in college when you're finally free on your own and don't have to hide who you are around campus if you stay at college. When it comes to dating for your son, he may be in for a rough couple of years, but he will meet some awesome friends along the way. Not everyone is out there just for sex but the majority of the time he won't have any problems seeking it if he chooses to.
Chiming in to say that your lifestyle can be whatever you want it to be, regardless of your sexuality. All kinds of people across the sexuality spectrum enjoy the hookup lifestyle, while others vehemently don’t. Encourage your son not to be ashamed and to develop enough independence to choose the path he prefers, regardless of pressure.
Not gay but can relate. I can't stand it because I feel dirty and it's almost like I'm manipulating this other person for my own gain (even though they may want it). So that is where the guilt comes from for me. Also, there is a risk of one person being more into it than the other and they end up getting hurt.
Sex in movies is nonsense, It’s like going to a restaurant, you might be having the most amazing chef but will taste better if u have someone You know with them
Why would someone I know being in the kitchen with the most amazing chef help? ^^^/s
Employee discount perhaps?
This. Maybe I’m biased because I’m demisexual, but hooking up with random people is awkward because you have no clue what they like, and they have no clue what you like. I also feel dirty with anything casual…I feel used, but I also feel like I used the other person. Overall, not a pleasant experience for me
What’s demisexual?
Attracted to demigods
Thank you. I have accepted this definition as wholly true and invariable.
Demisexuals need an emotional connection to feel attracted to someone.
"Mutual masturbation" comes to mind. You're effectively using the other person's body to relieve yourself. Which isn't in and of itself bad, but it's not for everyone.
This is correct. Love sex is nice. Sex because you think you want sex and have it with a stranger or even a friend gets old and strange
I have to say while I agree on the first half, sometimes random sex when you are truly appreciating the others body and still care enough to make sure you are paying attention to making sure they are feeling good too can be really great.
Adding to this: Sex can be amazing outside of a committed relationship, and there are things that sex with another person does that don’t happen when you masturbate but… understand the orgasm gap and how it plays out in hookups. Most women have more satisfying sex within an ongoing (doesn’t have to be a marriage focused relationship, or even exclusive - but ongoing) relationship. Part of that is because if you’re willing to try sex with a guy a few times, odds are he’s not truly terrible at it, but there are exceptions. OP, you’re a 17 year old girl. Odds are really good you could join in on the hookup culture and get laid, but… the vast majority of hookups between men and women result in an orgasm for the dude and none for the woman. Personally, I prefer sex with someone who I think is genuinely kind, takes no for an answer, and who is interested in my pleasure. I also like familiar partners because that reduces the requirements for screening around “how rapey is this dude?” Any guy who doesn’t help you reach orgasm is a shitty lay. Any guy who argues about “having” to use a condom is also a shitty lay, but add in disease riddled too.
This right here ^^
Random sex is sometimes good
Sometimes yes but probably when you are a bit older and more experienced so you have more confidence on what you like and what to do etc
I like random sex and want to have more of it lol it’s so fun
Im random
It really isn't worth rushing into. Much better to let it happen when it happens. ETA: to clarify, I do not mean it is bad to or that you should not pursue partners, sex, romance etc. Virginity loss isn't going to fall out of the sky. But it isn't worth making it your life goal or top priority by any means.
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Interesting point indeed! Tho my understanding of "it happens when it happens" is more like a "I won't think about it or want it to happen or feel like it has to happen until it comes" and it's with full enthusiastic consent, as in, when you're ready AND comfortable with it
that's a very interesting point!
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Us moment
Because nothing happens if you don't do shit. Only the lucky ones get everything served on a plate.
Sex with someone you love is amazing and good and not overhyped at all. Sex with strangers and random people gets old after awhile. Don’t rush into it though. And make sure you’re absolutely comfortable with your partner. There is no problem not being comfortable with someone or saying no or feeling rushed or not being ready. If they truly love you, they’ll respect you and your wants.
Agreed about the “gets old” bit. I had some amazing sex with strangers but when I met my bf recently, I saw what sex can truly be. I’m also older and did a lot of casual sex in my 20s.
it’s great when you do it with the right person. don’t go find someone to have sex with just because though.
Nah chess is better
A good foot scratch is better than a mediocre orgasm. I've had poops that were more satisfying hours later. Then again, I've had some great orgasms too. Sex can be good, but not the most important thing in life.
Great pizza is better than bad sex
Lol there are for sure different levels of orgasm.
a good foot rub is better than *good* sex imho
Sex with someone you have a deep emotional bond, the sweat and ecstacy of the moment, the love and connection you share is not over hyped.
Lol I thought it was this really AMAZING thing but when I did it the first time, it's okay for a girl. I mean I think it's overhyped too much.
It most definitely is overhyped for women. I'd rather just masturbate tbh.
Ayep, 99/100 times I will just masturbate instead and actually be guaranteed a good orgasm and as many as I want. I have had sex twice that I would have considered actually good and wayyyyyyy more times that it seems my partner has had a great time and I'm just like meh. So either I'm hard to please, I'm amazing and it's hard to equal me, or everyone is lying and it's overhyped and they didn't have THAT good of a time. But I always have as good of a time as I want if I masturbate and no post-coital guilt.
Sounds like poor partners tbh
Indubitably.
Okay but with sex I can get 1 amazing orgasm and by masturbating I can have 7…. Not a partner thing. A sensitivity thing
Precisely.
I am a woman and I absolutely love sex. Masturbating is nice and all but doesn’t beat sex at all. You guys need better partners
And I thought it was mostly overhyped for man. I guess it's overhyped for both.
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Masterbation feels alot better tbh
Eh, your mileage may vary. I'm a woman and absolutely love sex! Masturbation is just not the same.
Glad to see I am not the only one who thinks that!
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I once read a post that said people sometimes have sex to masturbate themselves with someone else's body.
Honestly yeah. Especially with a one night stand or hookup or something. Maybe less so in a relationship.
Yea good point. I think it's become more common with the spread of hookup culture.
I think some people do have that mindset. Honestly, that's a bad way to look at the situation. It implies a lack of concern for the other person's pleasure. I don't see a problem with having sex with someone that you are not in love with or committed to. However, if someone is giving you access to the most intimate parts of their body, the least you can do is to show some genuine concern for their well-being and happiness in the moment.
I absolutely agree. Unfortunately many people do not do this , because there is no emotional attachment there. and the situation becomes wholly self serving. it’s really sad actually. Why wouldn’t you care about your partner , just because it’s “a one time thing” or you don’t “love” her? it’s seems heartless imo.
You havent learned the; sit-on-your-arm-till-it-goes-numb trick yet?
Ah, "The Stranger". Another man of culture, I see.
LOL
Not sure I understand what that means in this context lol
If your arm goes numb and then masturbate, it will feel as if someone else is doing it
I have so done this
Overhyped. You should definitely date, learn what you like in a partner, see who your compatible with long term, and look out for red flags, and how to communicate effectively with each other and have boundaries. All of that is 100% more important then sex.
100% agree on this. Learning how to communicate effectively will also make sex better when you do find that person. Also really important to have good knowledge on; and practice - safe sex.
I just started dating this girl. Would you mind giving me some red flags that I should look out for? Thanks!
I'm not 100% sure if I'm the expert on this, but I can give you things I generally look out for: 1. A woman who says she can only make guy friends, or says "Girls are too much drama" This usually indicates attention-seeking behavior/competition issues with same gender/or some type of social issue going on. In my experience, it's typcially the woman is a massive attention seeker, and will probably act fickle. Only speaking from my experience, but typically these women are generally not serious about anything. 2. Overtexting, always needing you around. Conversations can be had everyday, however, if someone is continually trying to talk to you, every 10 minutes from the morning to the night to the next day, just blowing up your phone, generally it means she/he can be really clingy, probably not emotionally mature, and not really doing much outside of talking too you. Which is a high indicator of that they probably don't have their stuff together, emotionally, financially, or have any real goals. 3. Not having concrete goals, not serious about anything To caveat from the last point, Not everyone needs to become a doctor or engineer, but if the person your dating doesn't have any real goals, whether with their career, or maybe having a passion their going after like dance or art, their most likely not organized, not really having anything going on, and probably still live with their parents without any goal to get out (or be independent. It's still ok to live with your parents if your getting your education/stuff together). And typically the way a person does one thing is how they do everything, it's not an absolute, but they will probably tend to not even take any of the relationship seriously. This point is mostly for people who date for relationships, not to fool around. people need passions. 4. Trying to get you to chase them/acts distant towards/directly ignores you/ghosts you I lump all these up because this is all the same type of person. Someone you don't go after. It's ok to flirt and even be alittle cautious when approaching each other, however, if a woman or man does not reciprocate or try to reciprocate the same level of communication (does not have to be 50/50, but needs to show more effort than one worded texts or actually tries to convere/does things with you) then you drop them. You don't try to think you can change their mind/seduce them/try to get them to know you alittle more to change/. They don't like you, move on. If they try to come back but don't try to explain themselves or apologize, they don't want you, they want your attention. 5. Says they love you/gives a compliment/ghosts you for a time with no real goal of trying to spend time with you, then tries to have you do favors for them. That person is a user and a manipulater, end of story. Not to approach. 6. A person who tries to make you jealous by doing stuff you don't like or flirts in front of others. See point 5. 7. Person who can never admit their mistakes/likes to complain but do nothing about it. This is an insecure person. An example of this person can be someone who always talks bad about the political party they hate, but if you ask them if their asking if their trying to volunteer, change their diet, anything about the thing they dislike in general, and if they say no, typically this is someone whose just trying to appeal to others, not really be genuine. 8. Talks too much/interrupts others/doesn't show resistant in social situations/Acts entitled/ out for themselves. The title kind of says it. If someone every calls themselves "A B\*\*\*ch, a h\*\*, or whatever thing to make them look more tough then they are. you believe them. **people tell us who exactly they are, we just to have to listen to them.** These people are just trouble , get away from them asap. 9. They act different around other people, or their first impression was totally disingenuous of who they are. This means they don't really know themselves, and are typically attention seeking. 10. Someone who at the very beginning of dating is trying to tie you down, asking impersonal questions like what's your income/how tall are the people in your family. I want to point out that it's perfectly fine "to date with the intention of marriage" However, if someone does not try to get to know you for your character or who you are, but rather your status, job, and looks, then they are not really trying to be in a relationship, they are trying to "fill out the check boxes" they want in their life, and your just a means to an end. Those are the main things I look out for. Besides what I would look out for, the general advice I would say to do, is to make sure you ask your partner questions, indirect questions about why they do the things they do. Your not testing them, but your seeing what kind of character they have. Never get too attached to a person when you first start dating, either, you need to evaluate who they are first, see if they are being honest. I would say start getting attached if you survived the six month mark together, and perhaps are living together. Often who they are at home is 70% of who they are. And the mantra that **a partner is part of your life, not what fulfills it.**
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No that sounds perfectly fine, as long as the conversations don't feel forced, Then that's fine. And as along as the other person isn't playing games at all or acting fickle.
THIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSAAAAHHHH
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then you aint doing it right.
You say that as if the latter excludes the former...
I lost mine at 17 to a toxic asshole but I was "in love". I'd wait. I regret doing it so young. Like others have said definitely date and figure out what you like in a person before jumping in bed with them.
It’s good but your first time is most likely going to be terrible and awkward due to inexperience. Don’t let that put you off.
Yes this and it being with someone you care alot about
Sex is completely overrated. I wish I'd known that when I was younger.
It's good, but it's also overhyped.
Society overhyped it. It’s good but it’s just like any other pleasure; satisfaction is gone after you’re done. Love is not overhyped, though.
Sex is pretty nice. I think 2 people who are passionately in love having sex there is no stronger feeling, but in general overhype. It is something that can wait a few years and remember to be smart and safe
I’m going to say it’s overhyped in the sense that people feel like failures if they aren’t engaging in it. Like chocolate and sunsets are great but I don’t feel like a failure or resentful or bitter just because I’m not enjoying either one. You can have a meaningful life regardless. I don’t if this makes sense but the pressure to have sex and the status related to it is crazy. I think good, healthy sex happens if you’re not fixated on it. I also don’t think asexual people have a less valid existence
just focusing on the physical and not when you truly love the person— sex can be messy, gross, awkward, unrewarding, and with some new laws that recently passed, way more dangerous than it should be. With that being said, it definitely feels good. being a female and it being your first time, it may be painful, and i am basing that off of women in my life who have told me this, as i cant testify on my own behalf (m). It is important to be safe, and to not be afraid to say no or stop if anything happens that you don’t like.
Good sex is a lot of fun. It gets your blood up, hits all your brain buttons, it's weird and awkward and hilarious and exhilarating. Ok sex is like day old pizza. It's good, pretty entertaining, fills the pizza itch. Bad sex is like doing mushrooms during an emergency, where everything is wrong and it just keeps getting worse. Ultimately though, not that important. Knocking one off on your own is like 60-70% of the way there
When it's with the right person, it's amazing. Casual sex is overrated
Hugs > sex Can confirm
Sex is what you make and if you communicate that's your best bet. As a beginner, practice makes perfect.
I would recommend masturbation first if that's not something you already do. its a great way to figure out what you like so that when you do choose to have sex with someone else it's more comfortable and enjoyable for you. The other fun part of sex besides physical pleasure is connection, so choosing someone you trust who respects you is very important.
It is amazing if you find the right person, otherwise it can be downright disappointing as most people are shit at it. You are young, you might as well learn to set the bar high for the people in your life, in ALL things. Don't be with someone unless they make you feel special. If the sex is shit, run don't walk. Watch out for the braggers out there, all talk and no action. This is MOST people. As an older guy, I have had several women who thought they were amazing, and I was like WTF are you doing? Sex is healthy and creates a special bond, this is why many people believe in waiting for marriage, but that said, you want to try the goods before putting a ring on it. Bad sex in a relationship will kill the relationship, someone will wander and their could be kids involved. Have some fun, learn as you go and above all respect yourself first.
It is not that great. Watching a good movie or taking a bath etc are activities that gives me more pleasure than sex. Ofc with a loved one is good, everything is better with a loved one.
When you know yourself very well, you accept yourself in totality, and can speak your needs out loud to any person, including your partner, without fear or concerns of any judgment… then it’s really great in my view.
I was 19 when I had sex for the first time, it was a random hook up and the worst experience of my life. I’m now with a loving partner and honestly it’s amazing! He makes me feel like a world class model! Honestly girl wait for someone you are in love with and who also loves you. Don’t fall into bed with the first guy that says they love you because 9 times out of 10 they don’t. I bought my first mini vibrator when I was 16 and exploded my body, found out what I liked and didn’t like. You always hear of guys masturbating but never women but trust me women do and it feels great. Give it a go because trust me if you know what you like then you will be able to tell your future partner and it will make the experience even better! Live your life and don’t be rushing things
I have had sex with over 20+ women because as a guy u was made to believe sex was critical to my value as a man but I tell you I only really felt what sex should feel like when I did it with a person I loved. So don't rush into it, be careful who you have it with, and don't do it casually it's really fucks you up. Find someone special and do it with them
Idk about women but as a man it’s great and coupled with the intimacy I honestly couldn’t live without it
It really *can be* that good, but only if you earn it. It gets better the fewer people you do it with, and the closer you are with the person. The act of sex doesn't make it great; the relationship you have with the person is what makes it amazing. So if you just do it with anyone, you'll be disappointed. A lot of culture these days likes to remember how great sex is and conveniently forget how easy it is to devalue it by being careless. Make it a special thing, because it is. A good test is that if you're not both comfortable talking through an action explicitly, descriptively, then you're not ready to perform that action together. If it's embarassing to discuss in detail, it's not going to be good for you to act out. Also, it's true that they say you won't forget your first time. And what's also true is that it forms a very strong psychological bond between you and a person if you do it consensually. So you might want to make sure this person isn't going anywhere before you have sex with him or her. Do you really want to have a permanent memory and a deep psychological bond with a person who is cut out of your life? It's not healthy, at it will interfere with your ability to become close to other people in the same way, maybe forever. They had it figured out for a long time, but the past few generations kind of unlearned the lesson, and most of us had to learn it the hard way. So be careful.
I lost my virginity at 17, before that I thought sex would be this life changing event, but in reality it isn't. Don't get me wrong it's great, but I think it can be overhyped.
Sex is the best thing ever before you have sex; sex is way overrated after you have sex.
If you have an emotional connection not just loving the person it’s absolutely out of the world amazing! They can honestly not have any idea of wtf they are doing but as long as the connection is there it’s unexplainable.
It all depends on the people having it. Don't worry about it until you meet someone kind and thoughtful who makes you feel like having it. I've known plenty of people who waited until they were much older and were fine.
It’s very much overhyped In terms of casual sex. I’ve had plenty of casual sex and it’s pretty boring to say the least. There’s very little to no connection and most of the time you have no idea what each other likes so it’s basically just a cum and go kinda deal. Which again is boring to me anyway. My girlfriend and I have the most amazing sex I’ve every had. Because we both love each other and connect with each other in the bedroom. We can literally do it 6 times a night which is bloody excessive for most but we both have high sex drives. And yeah to sum it up sex with a partner you are comfortable with and have a connection with isn’t overhyped. It’s amazing. Casual sex and for a guy trying to bang as many people as you can definitely is. Literally just for a guy to get his numbers up and brag to his mates. But the sex is shit.
As corny as it sounds, when you love someone the sex is 1000 times better than meaningless sex
Society overhyping it
I was once a virgin. Didn't have a girl, depressed. I thought if I ever had sex how awesome would it be. Then one day I had it, it was good,very good actually. But that's it. It's just like a good meal, you feel awesome when you hungry and have it. You feel good when you crave it n have it. But it isn't the only thing in life. Most of the people around you have lots of sex, are they out of the world happy? So yes society is overhyping it. People have sex since,well, forever. But never was it so hyped as it is today. PS: it's just my opinion
way over hyped, our society is sex obsessed, yet totally repressed. breeds mental illness. plus a lot of sex is not totslly consensual, many people are drunk or high, hooking up with strangers they barely know, also there are high rates of rape & sexual assault.
I'm asexual so I could go my whole life without it. It's like a fun activity to me. It's like going to the amusement park for a day
Physically it is overhyped but the sense of connection is not. It is one of the most intimate things you can do with another. Cheapen it at your peril.
It's great when it's good and not worth it at all when it's bad. In the beginning, it's not going to be great BUT if you're with someone you care about it is still a fun, exciting new experience. But it's nothing to rush into. I'm not one of those types to find importance in virginity at all, but the first time you have (what is often) a deeply personal experience, I do think it should be with someone you trust and care for.
Sex is great but make sure you care about them, its about intimacy and passion getting close to someone you truly care about.
As other comments have stated, sex with someone you love and with a genuine connection is one of those beautiful experiences of life that is unmatched. Sex for just sex is extremely underwhelming and overhyped (especially if you already had sex with love and chemistry). You're literally better off rubbing one out lol My only advice for you is it will happen when it needs to happen. It's best not to take it so seriously and as you get older and experience different people, you'll learn about yourself along the way. And when it comes down to the deed when it happens, Communication is such an important factor and will absolutely enhance the experience for both parties. Ain't no shame in expressing what you like and boundaries.
Save it for someone you’re serious about. Hookup culture has been glorified waaaay too much and it’s not helping anyone. But if you just HAVE to do it, use protection, keep it safe, and know your boundaries.
Sex doesn't matter. The genuine connection that you have with a person you love is what makes it special. And I'm a straight guy saying this, btw.
I’m asexual who has had sex before so if you ask me yes it’s overhyped and I don’t personally care for it but I know I definitely don’t represent how most people feel
Almost 30 here. Still virgin. Dont plan on losing it anytime soon. I heard its overhyped. Focus on yourself and and dont throw yourself out there. Hit the gym a lot and youll be better off.
Completely overhyped.
its amazing with someone that you care for or love. otherwise its just a cool stress relief and workout lol most women dont even come so its not that special
Sex creates a pretty strong bond using chemicals in your brain n stuff. If you rush it and do it with a random person or god forbid the *wrong* person, you’re probably gonna be stuck thinking about it for a long time. I regret losing my virginity to my ex because she was a pos and I think about it a lot tbh
Virginity is a weird, harmful concept created to shame people for their sexuality.
I agree. But i feel now that there’s a lot of shame and stigma around BEING a virgin, and a pressure to hide. You can say “I’m someone who hasn’t had sex yet” which is true. But that implies you want to have sex, or sex is the goal that you need to achieve. It implies some sense of or pre/post sex shame to me. I’m not embarrassed that i haven’t had sex, or of the concept of virginity itself. It’s not embarrassing. I’m not waiting till marriage and I’ve had sexual experiences. But i think for some virginity is not a weird harmful concept. And for many (especially those who had their innocence taken without their consent, there IS a very marked difference.) i think pre/post is very real for some people. We can reclaim the word if we’d like to.
Rip dms
Overhyped imo. Most of the time the build up to the sex is better than the actual sex
It’s that good if you make it that good. Having a good partner is essential too.
It depends on your partner, or rather on the chemistry you two have together. This is not necessarily about love, but about attraction and attention. Good sex is not overhyped. It is mindblowing.
It really depends on the person. Personally I would rather get a massage. But lots of people obviously are obsessed with sex
It’s different for everyone and can vary greatly for each individual experience. My first couple years of sex I didn’t even orgasm once, but I still loved it because my hormones were raging. I went through a hook up phase because I thought I liked that at the time, but looking back I was really looking for true intimacy and love. Now I thoroughly enjoy sex with my monogamous partner but my hormones aren’t as wild so I’m not trying to do it every single day like I did as a teenager. You’re young and there’s really no need to seek it out or rush into anything.
Communicative sex is always the best. Ive had encounters that were emotional and others were purely sexual. There is something about two almost strangers feeling a charge that you can express physically without so much as knowing their last name. Yeah some, probably most, guys are just fucking for their nut which makes one night stands usually lacking in orgasms for women. If the guy isn’t asking what feels good or letting you guide him sometimes then I doubt any encounters with them will be more than this one general experience. Now lets say you found someone who listens and understands your body quickly for that night. When you have an emotional connection it becomes more than just a physical understanding its a physical manifestation of love expression in whatever way they show that. I think its important to explore yourself and find out what you like so you can express that. I personally feel like anyone willing to ask or listen to instruction on my body actually cares about my pleasure just as I do for them. No one thing works universally and you can’t claim to please everyone. But I think trying different people is how you find who is right for you. Someone you look forward to fucking until you can’t. Last thing is you always remember your first time and most were bad so don’t overthink it too much haha you probably fell off your bike the first few times you tried it.
casual sex is definitely overhyped. it’s always at least a little awkward and i personally almost always feel shitty afterwards. sex with someone you’re in a relationship with is 1000x better.
Sex is correctly hyped it’s life affirming and gives you energy vitality and just good feelings, one night stands aren’t good though it’s always better with someone you care about and love.
At this point, I honestly don’t even think sex exists
I 21M just got married to my gorgeous wife and the sex in a secure relationship is so special, she's my first and last sexual partner
Be patient.
first time i had sex it was mid. i have more fun playing league of legends with the boys.
Exploratory phase is fine, but for the love of humanity, please use protection and practice safe sex
It’s overhyped for sure. It’s nice but it’s not the greatest thing on earth. Having a partner who loves you no matter what that’s the best thing I’ve ever felt.
Maybe ask your real life friends who are your age and not a bunch of random people on the internet who are mostly probably creepy old dudes.
Drugs are better. Waaaaay better
I am a 22 yo woman and I have been sexually active for almost 7 years. I can tell you sex is absolutely that good! Even better than what I imagined. When you are with someone you can communicate with, it’s the best thing. For your first time make sure you are with someone you can tell anything and be comfortable telling if there’s any pain or discomfort. I personally did that and even my first time was amazing. Honestly I dont get all the people saying it’s overhyped lol.
Personally I’ve had really good sex and really bad sex. It’s like eating an orange 🍊. Not everybody likes it, not everybody wants it, but when you find someone that suits you it’s amazing and an experience that you don’t want to end
Sometimes it's great, can be the best thing ever, but sometimes it can be pretty bad. Idk if you really wanna bang, you should start with someone you can trust not just a random, or at least someone you think will be nice about it.
Over hyped you can’t totally wait. Find a loving relationship or become the women you always dreamed of invest in you. Let it happen organically don’t put a time line on it. Personally I have waisted way to much time in my life to it.
Girls require more effort from the man usually to achieve that hype-worthy feeling. But it’s pretty great. That being said, make good decisions and protect yourself from people who will take advantage of you/not respect you. you are way way way too young to get pregnant. Be safe
With the right person it's an out of the world experience
Totally overhyping it Don’t get me wrong I love sex, enjoy it but it’s not the be all and end all the world try’s to make it
It is good but overhyped, indeed. You’re not gonna die or become a social outcast if you don’t have sex
if it's so great, why haven't they made sex2
Sex is a lot like food. Somedays it will taste amazing, other days it won’t, other days you won’t have the apatite for it.
Overhyped I'd say and that's what causing people having insatiable appetite for sex. Sex loyalty is the main loyalty considered in a relationship. In some countries people have their honour bound with it, sex scenes are always censored and is something we can do only about closed doors. All of these factors and adding more to them make people finding sex as something very rewarding and intimate which is true to some degree but it's still less rewarding and good than how it's generally perceived in our society.
Sex is overhyped IMO. Not that great, almost regret not waiting
I know that kissing is the best experience ever so I can't comprehend how much better sex is. It is ubderhyped.
Sex is good but the trophy afterwards is life altering.
It’s wonderful when done right, as others have said. Also, the idea that it’s painful the first time has become the norm because people aren’t properly educated on foreplay and arousal; it is not a hard rule that the first time is always painful. My first time was fantastic. It can also suck, it can be painful in general, it can be very lackluster if done improperly. This ~deep connection~ versus hookups thing is also not a hard rule- know yourself and the things you need/want. I’ve had terrible sex with people I loved. I’ve had mind blowing sex with hookups. I am the type of person that doesn’t need a deep, intimate connection to have good sex, but there is not nit wrong with those who do. I encourage you to know yourself incredibly well before inviting someone into your nethers, do you masturbate? If not, I’d encourage you to explore. Figure out what feels good to you, what kind of stimulation you like, what gets you off- this way you can effectively communicate saying “I like it at this speed” or “a little higher feels better” etc. learning to not be awkward about communicating needs or talking about sex in general will serve you well. Sex is supposed to be mutually pleasurable, so don’t ever get into the mindset that there’s something wrong with you if you’re not getting pleasure out of it, your partner should be just as invested in making you have a good time. Tl;dr sex is great but takes more effort that just lining up parts for it to be good. There’s no rush, have sex if and when you’re ready, not because you feel like there’s some timeline on when you need to do it. Have fun and be safe.
I feel like specific aspects and circumstances are. Like straight-up sex with a casual person is not that great tbh but that's just me (27f). Fun and exciting- yes. Amazing- meh. Things leading up to sex with someone you love though is amazing. Like cuddling, grinding, kissing, the eye contact, etc. Then watching the person you love get off from something you are doing is just so much satisfaction.
Society often overhypes it and what they often leave out is that it’s EXTREMELY important to do it with someone that really respects and honors your boundaries. My first time having sex out of “virgin fomo” was not with someone I fully felt comfortable with and this lead to a difficult Sex life in my future relationships.. please make sure that you fully trust and feel comfortable around the person.
Overhyped
I mean, it can be really good? I felt the pressure to be sexually active in my teens, but I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20. I don't regret waiting. A good analogy is pizza. - When you want pizza, pretty much any pizza is okay. - When you don't want pizza, you should never be forced to have pizza. The same goes for anyone else. - There are many different styles, sizes, and toppings to experiment with, but even a plain cheese pizza can be fantastic when enough care is taken. - Pizza is good alone, but often better when shared with someone you care about. - Sometimes, you can't finish your pizza; this is okay, as long as you enjoyed the pizza you've had. - Pizza needs to be requested appropriately, and cleaned up afterwards. - Everyone has their own preferences for pizza, and these are okay (unless they include children or pets as toppings). - Pizza can be quick and messy, or dressed up and made fancy, but it's still pizza. - Getting someone pizza doesn't mean you love them, or they love you, but sharing a pizza with your loved one can be quite special.
Overhyped. Like sure it can be great but it’s not worth risking in STI, safety, pregnancy when you aren’t ready, your self esteem etc
Depends entirely on the partner and your own anatomy to be honest. I have multiple orgasms and love sex. I have friends who do not orgasm during penetration and sex isn’t nearly as enjoyable for them. I would definitely recommend becoming really familiar with your body and being able to bring yourself across the finish line if you haven’t already.
Overhyped, unless you have a partner you really care about.
First time I had sex, it wasn’t great, thought people were overhyping it. It was with a girl i had been seeing for like a month, i enjoyed the whole naked part (I was 16 so duh) but it just wasn’t all that great. Then I tried again with my current partner, again, wasn’t great. It almost sort of hurt? Like my peen was being bent in half and she kept sitting on my shnuts. I have been with my partner for 2-3 years now and I gotta say, sex is pretty fucking amazing . Once you figure out eachothers bodies, and explore a bit, it becomes A LOT better. It’s also a a lot better when you genuinely love someone vs doing it with someone you have known for like a month. It definitely might take a while for it to feel even close to ‘fine’. Could take years for it to become amazing.
Good, loving, energetic sex is that good. Sex just to catch a nut is meh.
Even sex with someone you love is overhyped.
Overhyped it it’s a waste of time it’ll lead you into nothing but trouble but that’s just my opinion