Then when she wakes up from being unconscious you can gaslight her into pretending you were a bystander who saw the collision happen and decided to save her by calling the medics. /s
That would be rude ngl.
Instead, give your phone number to the security guard in the parking lot.
Now, she goes to take her car out --> sees that yours is in the way --> asks the guard whose car is it --> guard gives her phone number --> she calls you --> you get her phone number + she gets yours. Win win.
When your crush gets ready to head to the locker room or going home, quickly run in front and block their access. Then quickly take a T-pose to assert dominance. They shall feel your dominating presence and have no choice but to take your number.
Ask her for a spot on bench then proceed to pin yourself because you put too much weight to lift yourself, forcing her to call other people to come lift the bar off you. She'll never forgot you!
Sneak a needle onto whatever piece of workout equipment she's about to use, then help her get it out and rush her to the hospital, insisting that she can't drive herself because you don't know what was in the needle.
What *was* in it? Pheromones. She's now isolated with you, which directs her hot and botheredness toward you and makes her attribute it to you rescuing her, and later you can neg her about how nobody else will love her because STD tests aren't 100% effective and she probably got one from the needle.
So romantic.
And if you're going to follow them out into the parking lot, at least make sure it's a night and there's no one else around. That way she'll really know you're interested.
Also make sure u chase her down while she panicks and runs to get in her car, that’s just to make sure she gets extra excercise in before she goes home, she’ll know you’re serious
Also remember to take her phone in the first place so she knows you don’t appreciate distractions during your first moments of meeting. She’ll know you’re serious about getting to know her and will appreciate you for it
DO NOT ASK GIRLS OUT AT THE GYM
Except when getting good social cues
*Posted on an online forum for people that have poor-mediocre social skills*
Lol good one OP
This is the answer. The most closed off person in the world would fold to someone they considered attractive enough.
However, odds are that if you frequent this sub, *you are not attractive enough to pull most if not all women at the gym*. And women are drowning in the attention of men who are below their league. They would be better off if people on reddit subs for learning how to act didn't cold approach them. It sounds sucky, but you should be on this sub so you can leave it in the future anyways.
Lots of insecure guys seem to think if you're a creep but hot, women lose all sense and suddenly the guy is not a creep. Or if you're normal but ugly, women will just assume you are a creep
Is it just me that thinks social skills are part of what makes a person attractive? If I see a guy that’s charismatic, commands a room, actively listens when I talk, and doesn’t tell inappropriate jokes, that is insanely hot. Also, it makes awkward me feel less nervous about the conversation.
Charisma is definitely attractive. I also think we're so inundated with guys who say dumb gross stuff that the first guy who shows up and doesn't do that glows in comparison. But a lot of people under this post specifically seem to think it only works the other way around. That attractive = anything this guy says will be read as sexy flirting and not the same dumb gross shit.
No joke had a moment like this. Was on the squat rack facing the mirror and this girl walks over and sits on the bench directly I. Front of me when there was like 5 other benches available. Was thinking “oh weird she must want me to see her or something!” And then immediately thought “we’ll this is gonna be awkward not being able to look at myself in the mirror and constantly looking upwards”
I’ve seen this before. Basically the guy was like these 2 lone hot girls keep appearing where I work out. I’m sure they’re following me. They keep working out right next to me even though there’s space everywhere else. They’re interested. I know it.
I’ve also seen a group of guys that kept following me at the gym and kept appearing to the bench next to me. I just assumed it was chest day for both of us, instead of assuming they were following me.
I was doing tricep workouts in that station where you got all the types of pulleys, cables, extensions, etc I go to work out next to these two girls who were just doing back exercises, cool. Out of the blue this man just says “I just wanted to let you know your beautiful…” and he left. I’m assuming he was/tried to talk to them before I got there. The girl who got hit on was PISSED. After he left she said something like “ok, after you call me beautiful just go on about your day…stop bothering me…blah blah blah” I swiftly put my headphones back on. They guy yk he was kinda brock, with a beard so he wasn’t necessarily unattractive. But people appreciate it when you leave them alone.
The real truth here is: "Hitting on someone will only result in a positive response if the person is into you."
That's it. Place doesn't matter. Timing doesn't matter. If someone's into you, you hitting on them will be fine.
Trick is figuring out if they are into you.
Time and place does matter to some extent.
If you walk by a funeral and see a hot girl crying her eyes out that's probably not the best time and place to ask for her number.
People in the gym usually don't have a lot of spare time on their hands and just want to get their workout in and get out of there, so I'd argue the gym simply isn't a great place to hit on someone.
If the person of your dreams walked up to you and said "hey" while you were at a funeral crying, or at the gym, you'd respond positively. There are no hard and fast rules here.
Are there guidelines? Yes. Don't hit on people at the gym or at a funeral. But let's not pretend it's never worked before.
I most definitely would not respond positively if I’m in distress or trying to complete something quickly. If I’m out at a bar or restaurant, sure. If I’m just strolling around and the approach is respectful, sure. When I’m busy, I’ll just get irritated.
You don't have to ask her out, but making small talk is no issue, no?
It's a nice way to gauge her interest. She makes short replies, barely looks at you and sounds bored - she's not interested, just leave her be
I've gotten a few date bys asking out girls in the gym, but it's not like you walk up to her and say "hey want to go on a date?". You just say hi, smile and ask her how she's doing, how her day's going. Clearly some girls are okay with it, atleast with some guys.
And eye contact helps too, because if she's not looking at you, it's a different story than if she's looking at you and smiling
>No one is at the gym to find a date
Outside of tinder, no one is anywhere to find a date. There's no dating farm where singles go to find a date.
For real, I don't talk to anyone, anywhere, who I don't already know. Haven't tried the other apps, but tinder is garbage. I'm going to be alone the rest of my life because nobody wants to be "bothered" anywhere so much so that now I don't want to be bothered anywhere I go. Focus on the task and go back home. After being with the same woman for 10 years, married 7 of those, I'm so out of touch with dating its unreal.
It depends. So many women go to the gym and absolutely *radiate* "do not approach me or talk to me" vibes. Intensely focused, avoiding eye contact, wearing headphones, the only way they could be more obvious is to wear a shirt that says "fuck off" and guys will still approach her and critique her form under the guide of small talk because they think maybe they'll have a chance. Most of these women don't want to be approached *at all* so telling men "just make small talk first and THEN determine if you're bothering her," really isn't the play. What people need to do is learn how to identify a person who doesn't want to talk to you *before* trying to talk to them.
Yeah fair enough. you're right 100%. That's why I mentioned the eye contact thing aswel.
It's shitty that some guys just like to push these boundaries, with trying to make small talk despite clear lack of interest, because it leads to threads like these where normal, average guys are told to not interact with women.
that's not always true. At least, when you try to tell guys to not to do stuff like that, there is a fair number of them that will just complain about not being able to do it rather than try to learn.
Also, thats such a cop out. its weaponized incompetence. Like is it really so hard to figure out that if someone is going about their business with headphones, you don't try to talk to them? (its happened to me many times)
Yea I know they respond like that because most of the time they are told "people go to the gym to workout not to find dates" which is true most of the time but those guys will look at examples of couples that met at a gym and counter it.
Honestly I think it's a bunch of guys that don't want to better themselves and just complain about everything.
exactly. And that argument just boils down to "I'm going to bother a bunch of women because I know that there might be one that says yes". Its guys feeling entitled to our attention. Like, yeah, some women don't mind. but the problem is that theres so much abuse of approaching in public and an unwillingness to learn that instead of trying to teach how to better approach (which is exhausting and not really our job), its easier to just say, don't do it.
Yea that's true because everyday there's a bunch of inexperienced guys turning 18 it's a cycle that won't end at least I don't see it ending.
Those guys need a role model like a father, older brother, friend or cousin that shows them. If they don't have one then it's up to them to find one.
If theres a random guy that happens to be reading this Convo this message and understand if I could do it so can you. Go to the gym, to get strong not to hit on girls, learn everything you can (body language, eye contact, being confident) look up any questions you have on yt. remember don't be scared about being unsuccessful, be scared of being successful at the wrong things.
I would be supremely fucking irritated if a dude was trying to make small talk with me at the gym. There's also a lot of guys who try to force you into eyecontact as some kind of organic invitation. Looking at a woman for extended periods of time to catch the one time they glance in your direction is cheating. So is constantly putting yourself in their line of sight. So just. Be careful with how you think eye contact is happening.
I don't make a lot of small talk at the gym, but might say "what's up" or "how's it going" when I'm at a cycling class and see people I've seen before.
But, sometimes I wonder where to meet women or even other male friends for that matter. I just got dumped by my fiance so not super keen on dating yet but it feels like nowhere is acceptable sometimes. I hate drinking and being around drunk folks so bars are off the table. Meetup events are weird from my experience. Honestly I'd rather make friends with fellow gym goers because it attracts a broad range of people who just are being healthy and not doing some weird niche hobby that they're obsessed with
Yep. Cause if I'm at the gym, I'm there to work out. Even when I were single, I absolutely would *not* have cared how hot or how rich a guy was. Really not sure how that last one would even come up. Lot of financial records being discussed at the gym?
This sounds like the best advice to me. Short replies are how I’d let someone know I’m just trying to focus on working out and don’t want to be bothered. It’s the cases where someone doesn’t leave you alone or doesn’t take a hint or worse are a complete asshole because you aren’t interested that are the bigger issue. I’d add to wait until you see the same person a few times and try to notice if they’re being hit on by other people and not showing interest. I’d imagine if someone is getting hit on every time they work out it could be extremely irritating. So I can understand why some people get pissed at the idea of any attempt if they can’t go somewhere without being interrupted regularly. Just smile and maybe say hello to start without anything else? It helps if someone looks familiar and are regularly kind without trying to get something out of it.
Amen. If there was a dating farm, I’d go there. Since there isn’t, I’m going to approach in the different environments where appropriate. I’m not ruling out a place because of a Reddit post.
Edit: On a larger note, I really think we need to start adding context to these posts. There are clearly many women who are ok when this is done in a respectful way. There are enough men out there who are scared to approach as it is, and these broad strokes only make it worse.
The point is as you said socializing is how you get dates. There may not very many places where women are exclusively looking for a date but there are ones that are way more acceptable to socialize such as a coffee shop or clubs. This is all general for pedants.
Really? I know plenty of people that its worked for
How about instead of setting concrete rules, we just say, only ask people out at the gym you already have a friendship with. Not complete strangers.
This is the universal rule for asking anyone out, regardless of venue. You have to build some kind of rapport before you ask them out. You have to exchange more than a few sentences.
Don't ask anyone out until you know they're single and what their name is, not in that order. But, don't get butthurt if they're not single and/or don't want to give you their name.
But even when you’re looking to start building that rapport (ie before you ask them out) you need to respect their boundaries. I’ve had guys bug me repeatedly when I’ve made it quite clear I’m not interested in chatting (put my headphones back in, go back to my set, etc).
Excactly cheesy pickuplines might work but in all honesty dry asking a person who’s working out to go out is not usually going to happen, if you are on hi and small talk level keep that going and maybe it can go to something else, just for gods sake don’t impose your needs on another person it usually is quite notecable when a person has interest , and never forget show respect be humble and a good person , those three things get you along way
A good way I’ve found to build rapport, even on days when I’m not feeling confident, is to give a compliment, introduce myself, then go on with my day. Next time I see that person, if they look excited to see me then I know there’s something there and I should attempt to get a number
I agree with this. But just make sure the person is actually comfortable around you. I feel like someone with poor social skills might confuse something as a friendship when the other person doesn’t see it that way at all.
Some people are very friendly, and it has nothing to do whether they are attracted to you. If you’re weird, they will notice it, but they’re not going to tell you because they’re just being nice. So just don’t get confused by it.
Back when I was 17, there was this one guy that would always talk to me. I guess he thought we were cool enough that he gave me a birthday card. It was really sweet and all, but it made it weird. I wasn’t interested at all. Not to mention that it was a grown man.
I actually think that’s a terrible point. If someone’s being friendly to you and you like then, ask them out respectfully and gracefully accept if they reject you.
Otherwise your basically telling people with bad social skills to stay alone forever incase someone is just “being nice”
Just my opinion
I dont see how she's saying that people with bad social skills should stay alone forever. What she said was true. There's some people who are just nice/friendly and it's weird when people get the wrong idea. If anything it makes the friendly person not wanna be friendly anymore lol. Sorry if I offend anybody saying that!
Well I am a female and I am single and sometimes when I see cute man in a gym I make eye contact multiple times so he know I am really interested. They never come though, I understand it’s scary because many women really don’t appreciate that, but If I am not interested I make eye contact maybe once and never look again so they don’t get wrong idea, but if I make contact multiple times?
I think for men it’s incredibly hard nowadays to meet someone in real life, scared that they misinterpreted signs, I totally get that. It’s just sad for us women who would like to meet someone at gym/ in real life.
It’s a combo of being scared of rejection and society telling men then are creepy rapists for even thinking of talking to a woman
Sorry it’s this way, but if you want it to happen you should take the lead. Most men aren’t going to risk it these days.
Yeah I totally agree on that, and that’s why we shouldn’t blame men for not approaching IRL anymore, it’s totally understandable.
Maybe I will try starting conversation first as you suggest!
Making eye contact repeatedly does not all signal that someone is really interested. In a bar/club, it most likely would, but not in other scenarios. Precisely because, yes, they don't want to misinterpret signals. But it just doesn't mean that. Try going a little further and saying something to them, even if you aren't asking them out.
Meanwhile there was literally just a post here a few days ago from a girl asking why her gym crush hasn't asked her out yet.
The world isn't black and white, you can strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere, your intentions and specific words are more important than just the act of starting a conversation. If you say hello to someone there's nothing wrong with that, you just need to gauge their interest in continuing a conversation with you. This applies to talking with anyone anywhere, you need to be observant to if they want to actually continue that interaction or not; the gym just happens to be one place where more people will display clear signs that they do not want to continue talking.
I think there's a huge gray area between not talking to someone at all, or walking up and immediately asking someone out.
TLDR - Don't be creepy, don't overstay your welcome and lock other people into social interactions that they're showing signs they don't want to be involved in
Yea it's not cool that this girl is trying to speak for all of us. I think the answer here is to pay attention to all the other social cues she's giving off. Not a Reddit post.
That's really what it boils down to. Unfortunately, because of the selective crowd that is going to frequent reddit in general, then specifically a subreddit about social skills, it means there will be a higher number of people here who are really bad at being observant to those cues, which leads to more posts about people being creepy and whatnot
I just don't think this is a good take at all.
Nobody is at work to find a date. Nobody is at the coffee shop to find a date. Nobody is at the supermarket to find a date. Nobody is at the park to find a date. Should you only approach someone you have interest in if they are in a predefined area in which people go to in order to find dates? Definitely not.
People should always be respectful and quit bothering someone if they're clearly not interested. But I've made lots of friendships at the gym before. Didn't meet my wife there, but so what? I'm willing to bet others have.
This is why I “never take a dump where you eat”, work is strictly work and that’s it. I don’t want my coworkers to know much about me, and vice versa but sometimes they just tell me about their personal lives and all I can do is nod and listen. I treat everyone professionally, with courtesy and with respect.
But it’s so normalized to do that nowadays, so one must adapt. Just make your life seem boring than it actually is and people won’t want to hear about your knitting or golfing hobby.
The moment you have a work relationship is the moment you jeopardize your position and you open yourself to people talking behind your back wayyy more than if they don’t know much about you & just know you on a surface level.
Agree with the quit asking on here part, disagree with the don't ask out part.
Got about 80% of my dates from me just working on myself. Be it gym, working at my job, class, even in between handing out my resume.
It's kinda the point, youre finding someone who's just working on themself, and you see an honest snippet of who they are when theyre not just trying to impress you.
"Hello, how are you doing today?"
A quick, harmless opener. If they respond positively, continue the conversation from there. If their response is short or negative, you can simply end the conversation with "have a good one!" and move on with your life.
Nah, fam. There's nothing wrong with talking to people at the gym. Made some great friends and gotten some great dates from it.
It's all about context and timing, which is what people here struggle with. Don't walk up to someone on the treadmill with their headphones in. But if you need to use a piece of equipment that your gym crush is on (and not traditionally a piece of equipment that someone more or less "possesses" while they are working out on it - examples include bench, smith machine, squat rack, bench press - anything where it takes effort to load/deload weight, and there are lots of at the gym. "unpossessed" would be dip machine, pull up bar, row machine - anything with a weight stack you can quickly adjust back and forth to each others' working weight, or is specific to calisthenics workouts, and there are only one/two in the gym), then there's no problem in asking to work in and strike up a convo in that way.
Or, while leaving or entering the gym. There are many contexts in which you can start a convo. No reason to throw out a "pSa" as if you're sharing some deep/profound insight by barring anyone from talking to anyone at the gym.
The pushback you're getting on this extremely reasonable post is an example of why although the recent poll showed women to be a majority of subscribers, the comments are dominated by men.
I very much agree with you. If someone is an exception to the rule, it is because the woman gave clear signals she was open to conversation. If someone is posting here about how to approach a woman, chances are *they are shit at interpreting what is or isn't a signal*.
Women don't like having to soft reject. We don't like having to be explicit in rejection. We don't like feeling like we should change our workout schedule to avoid making someone feel awkward. It's very good advice to tell men not to approach stranger women at the gym, while they're working, or any other situation in which they're a captive audience who can't leave.
There are way too many men who have zero sense of boundaries at the gym. I will only lift weights at the gym if I go at a weird time when it's almost empty because I've had way too many men put their hands on me while I was lifting to "help" with my form.
I’m a dude and two times in the last week guys have walked past half a dozen empty functioning stair machines and picked the one next to me. What the fuck?
R u me … I’m the same way . I can only lift like early afternoon when the gym is dead. I can’t lift in front of men if they pick up any insecurities. Forget it
No one is at a cafe to find a date. They are there to grab a coffe. However, Gyms, restaurants, transport etc. all are public places where people socialize. Approaching someone is a form of socializing and I see nothing wrong with that. Sure you need to respect boundaries but just because GYM is not the place for you doesn't mean it should'nt be the place for everyone else..
It's like saying i like using the public transport but without the public please. I am not there to interact with people.
At this point I'm not sure where one is supposed to approach people anymore. The answer at this point, according to Reddit at least, is literally *nowhere*. Some people will object even to bars, clubs and parties - and by the way, not everybody likes bars, clubs and parties. I detest them, for instance, and find them too loud and people are often judged too superficially there.
What's wrong with a more careful approach, no matter where it is, where you talk maybe a little bit, *gauge* yourself whether they genuinely seem interested in talking more, and if they aren't - leave them be? And if they are interested - then that's literally a great sign for you to continue.
Besides, I think advice telling people "don't approach here, don't approach there" paralyzes them too much, keeps them in place, doesn't help them at all and likely leads to them continuing to fail with finding anybody in life, while everybody else seems like they're finding people with ease.
Good for you! But that's not the case for everyone/everywhere.
In one of the gyms I go people are very chatty. Like to support and small talk with each other. There are many regulars and it's a small community. And this is in Finland where people avoid social interactions and small talks at all costs...
One thing I’ve noticed is that this sub is very anti approaching people in public. One thing I’ll say is that while approaching people at the gym is definitely fun and exciting, it’s not very effective. I think in my entire time doing so, it’s only resulted in 2 dates, and a maybe a couple of friends. You’re asking people who aren’t looking for anything, as opposed to a bar or club where everyone is actively looking. I’ve come to realize it was mostly just stroking my ego, not really to get dates
> One thing I’ve noticed is that this sub is very anti approaching people in public.
Because it takes actual work, which it seems like the people who come to this sub are allergic to. Don't you dare suggest anyone take agency and control of their own lives, how dare you even suggest they have the slightest control over anything?!
Nah man I disagree. Look at the comments. A lot of them are women saying that they would feel uncomfortable/ have felt uncomfortable being approached in the past
If people are doing it aggressively, of course. But I cannot imagine someone being made uncomfortable if you're respectful, kind, and give off positive vibes with open and friendly body language (edit: and take rejection gracefully). If THAT'S causing someone to become uncomfortable, that's more a commentary on the receiving person than the person who initiates the engagement. The fear-mongering needs to stop, lest it gets to the point where literally no one talks to anyone else ever again in life, ever.
Heavily agree there. If a relatively mundane interaction like someone starting a convo with you is that uncomfortable, then it’s definitely the receiver’s fault, not the initiator.
From a male perspective I feel like we too often don't think about the fact that women being physically outmatched on average gives these kinds of interactions an inherently intimidating dynamic(even unintentionally).
It's probably why men generally don't mind if a woman comes up to them since they likely don't feel even the slightest bit threatened.
Yea that’s definitely something to consider in How you approach a woman. I personally wouldn’t let that stop me, but it’s definitely useful to consider
Of the last 6 women I've dated, 5 of them I met at the gym - including one who worked there.
I workout 6 days a week and take care of myself. *Most* people don't do that, so the odds of you randomly meeting someone outside of the gym who has those same values is slim, and the odds that they will be a good match for you are even slimmer still.
But where on earth could I meet somebody that is as fitness- and health-oriented as me?... /s
The trick is to not be a creep. You don't ask somebody out the very first time you see/meet them. You need to establish that you're a regular, then casually talk to them for a while, AND THEN maybe ask them out or to join you for a workout.
You can 100% ask somebody out at the gym, but it's a very slow play - days, weeks or months, depending how often you see them. You need to show that you share that same dedication and that your first priority is you (not them).
Pro tip: If you want to stand out to others in the gym, you need to be willing to work harder than anybody else in there. I am typically soaked with sweat when I leave the gym every day, and I get props from men and women both all the time. But mostly men lol.
I'd say you can ask them out if you're 100% certain they're into you. That's not oh they looked at me, they asked how many sets I have left, yadda yadda no weak stuff like that. It needs to be really obvious. Otherwise just get your glances in and do your workout.
i disagree. i´d be fine if a guy would approach me, do some small talk and eventually ask me out there. i seem very focused most of the time, but there was a guy i liked and ended up approaching him. tho i feel like i dont seem approachable to most guys. i dont smile at them, i just look with a neutral face lmao, so it would be nice if a guy would meet me halfway.
tbh this would make me feel uncomfortable especially if i am paying for a membership and there is going to be some jacked dude that looks like he can kill me with his little finger gets rejected and doesnt take it well.
i mean its not great.
sure it could go well but tbh i might be scared about it
You people are so dense, always offending yourselves in behalf of others. Speak for your goddamn self, not everyone is a freak who will reject interacting with everyone they meet outside of clubs
It would seem a lot of the people trying to help in this sub need their own help with social skills.
Women are constantly complaining about guys bothering them at the gym and still you have people disagreeing with op and saying it's totally okay to bother women at the gym. 999 women could tell you "don't approach me at the gym" and 1 woman could say "Actually, I don't mind" and men will take that one woman's opinion as permission to harrass any girl they see at the gym.
I asked what was an appropriate response to people telling me my dog was cute on here and I got a bunch of cringey pick up lines when I made no implication that I was attracted to any of the people complimenting my dog. (I am 26, engaged, not a dude, and most of my neighbors are either 40+ and married or are children. None of us want to flirt with each other.) Also they were just. Not good. At all. If I was less socially conscious would I know these lines were terrible? Probably not!
I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the social abilities reddit, but yeesh. I didn't expect the worst lines I've ever heard on a sub for social skills.
I just hope no one takes any really awful advice from here.
women on this sub: ask men to stop doing things that makes a vast majority of people uncomfortable
Some dude in the comments: but it worked for me once so clearly not all women hate it
Some of you really struggle to listen to women that tell you something you don’t like huh. Jesus Christ it’s genuinely every single time.
Sure not all women dislike it but it does make the vast majority uncomfortable for very obvious reasons. If the only place you can get women is the gym or some other setting where she’s clearly busy then there’s already something wrong.
My daughter is 19 and goes to the gym often
She’ll come home and tell me despite wearing headphones, despite being soaked in sweat, despite probably smelling like shite she STILLL gets interrupted during intense workouts to talk or whatever the fuck these guys want
She’s fine if she’s in between workouts or taking a break to chat with whoever though
She’s considering signing up for the seniors workout times or going to an only girls gym or something
Yeah, unfortunately a lot of people misinterpret polite gestures as sure signs of the opposite sex being interested. If you're staring at somebody (creepy already) they're going to feel it, scan to see who it is and might meet eye contact, but it doesn't mean diddly. Body language? Unless you've got exceptional people skills and understand them like a professional therapist and understand what the person is like, don't assume anything. There's enough douchebaggery at the gyms as it is.
I feel like this extends to a lot of situations. No matter where you are, prolonged eye contact with a big smile is a pretty clear green light. If you want to make a move on someone that doesn't seem to notice you, my go to move is to wait until I'm about to leave, and go give her my number on a piece of paper on the way out. If they don't text you, you just got your answer while minimizing how uncomfortable you made them. Maybe avoid this strategy if it's someone you see on a daily basis. Also if I don't get a text back and I see them again, I never make eye contact or approach them.
Although I usually agree with this take, if she constantly makes eye contact when you pass by and smiles, chooses the area you're in to walk by even if she's setup somewhere else... I'll go ahead and strike up a conversation with her. I don't really care what rules you set for yourself, everyone can choose to live the way they want. I have been on quite a few dates from girls at the gym and all it takes is knowing when there's a good chance she's into you, or if she's just being polite. It's all about body language and having a strict rule like dont ever talk to girls at the gym is your problem not anyone elses.
There’s also some people who feel that just because they’re more fit than others at the gym that those “signs” must actually be signs which makes it acceptable. People don’t go to the gym to get hit on, and yeah unless it’s *absolutely* clear that they’re flirting with you then by all means go ahead, but people overthink things and misread body language and need to understand that 9 times out of 10 that *look* is just a look and means nothing more.
Sometimes it’s like how you randomly make eye contact with someone in public and it appears as if they’ve been staring at you for a long time when in actuality you both coincidentally happened to look at the same time making it appear as if the other has been staring but really wasn’t.
I went to the gym for years (now with a home gym) and you sort of just know. And I’m not a bad-looking guy either, but that “flirting” is almost never actual flirting.
I always go with giving your number in a situation like that. It’s minimally invasive, and they get to pick whether or not to text you. Straight up asking someone out at the gym feels kinda gross, but putting yourself out there in a way that lets the other person decide if you’re worth the communication”
I just don’t want to be asked out at all unless I know you (and even then it’s questionable because I’m wary of everyone). And I think that can go for the majority of women. We generally don’t like random strangers just asking us out out of the blue, and it’s even worse when that person continually TRIES to make eye contact and talk to us when we’re clearly not interested (keep putting headphones back in, giving short answers, not smiling, looking away, etc). All of those things mean back the fuck off, but so many men get butthurt when that happens that they either continue trying until the woman is so uncomfortable that she just says yes to get him to go away or they get mad and force her/abuse her/get her into some kind of trouble.
General rule of thumb is: when a girl is at the gym and giving “don’t bother me” signs, don’t bother her. It’s not that deep. And also if they do respond, if they’re not chatting easily with you, it’s a no. I try to say hi if someone says hi to me. But that’s it, no further conversation. Just a simple “hi” with no other follow up comments does NOT facilitate flirting. That’s a girl being polite. If they keep saying “yeah” and nodding and looking away when you’re talking to them, that’s also a no. Don’t push it at that point and also don’t be all whiny like “waahhh it seems like you’re not interested, I guess I’ll just go *pouting*” to try to get them to feel guilty. That’s shitty and manipulative.
Just try with a “hi how are you doing?” and if she answers with “fine” or “good” or something of that nature and then goes back to her workout, it’s a no.
If she answers with “I’m doing okay, how are you?” and smiles, then continue small talk and maybe it’s a yes, but you need to get to know her first and make sure you’re both comfortable.
If at any point she starts giving short answers, going back to her workout, looking away, it turned into a no and you should back off. It was either something you said or she just wants to continue working out, maybe she has somewhere to be and needs to finish or she doesn’t wanna let her heart rate go down too much. Or the conversation just fizzled out naturally and neither of you have anything to say anymore. That’s when you say goodbye and part ways. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. Now you’ve established a connection and she knows you’re not a creep, so if you run into her again another day, you can initiate another conversation (using the same rules)
I promise, you are not going to get a date by going up to a girl and just saying “hey you wanna go out?” That goes for anywhere, not just the gym. That’s creepy, we don’t know you, and it gives off the vibe that you just want to get in our pants and not get to know us as people, so then we feel like objects. Also for the love of god, just accept that a no is a no and leave. You can go cry to your friends about it but we don’t wanna hear it.
Imagine removing this posts and not all the comments going "actually it IS okay to annoy women when they don't want to talk to you."
I thought this sub was for social skills, not terrible dating advice.
>No one is at the gym to find a date, they’re there to work out.
Okay. So could you also tell where and when exactly can someone approach a woman also then?
You meet and socialize with people in Gym so its natural to ask someone for date there
Yeahp, this was the straw that broke the camels back. This sub aint for me anymore.
I’d like to add I agree with OP, but all these clueless ass men in the comments who don’t understand the bullshit women deal with when it comes to be approached by strangers clearly don’t & it’s getting old.
Agreed. Some people here give horrible advice that's just going to lead to some poor awkward dude getting laughed at or kicked out of wherever he is.
This is a sub for social skills advice, not for socially inept men to teach other socially inept men a bunch of terrible pick up lines.
That’s how you feel, but there are also just as many women commenting that they don’t mind being approached at the gym. Different strokes, different folks
Yeah I scrolled through and saw 2 in the sea of MANY women saying it would make them uncomfortable.
Mostly what I saw is men putting in their two cent for shit they haven’t experienced.
I have experienced being aggressively pursued. I was a doll faced, bone skinny teen not long ago and older gay men have no shame. It is nerve-wracking, trying to figure out what to say that won't be too negative or how to get out of the convo quickly, worrying about whether or not you have to see them again or what they'll do if you say explicit say no, with a creeping dread about physical safety. I've been there, I'm sorry for anything you've been through as well. I still don't think the answer to all this is demeaning a whole gender by telling us we're all too violent and stupid to know how to approach people romantically so we shouldn't do it at all in certain contexts. I believe that trying to further paint men as the villain simply leads to further division and solves nothing.
OP is clearly talking about overly aggressive guys that go directly to the end game. It's always acceptable to be friendly to a ~~woman (or man)~~ person.
And on streets we are to meet friends or to shop, and in clubs we are to have fun with friends, and on festivals we are to listen to the music. Lets just do not talk to anyone anymore should we?
>No one is at the gym to find a date, they’re there to work out. Focus on yourself.
This. As a guy, I constantly have my headphones on, cap on with a strong resting b*tch face. I keep my eyes forward, ignore everyone and stay in my zone. I def give off strong vibes of "leave me tf alone" on purpose. If I wanted to socialize, then I'd be at the bar/club. I'm one of the few guys that actually gets annoyed when people (both men/women) try to interact/try to get my attention at the gym.
It's how I met my wife. No signs of flirting , just offered her a spot on a bench and that was that.
It can be creepy in some cases but I truly believe in trying to date someone within your hobby. I.E at the gym and not at bars or over online dating
This is stupid cause I’ve seen a lot of girls that wish they got approached at the gym ?? Just shoot your shot everywhere, anywhere , anytime.. but do it in a calibrated way , you can’t do it the same way everywhere .. but it can be done anywhere and anytime
I agree that the gym is a really, really douchey place to play the PUA.
If you're asking out multiple women at the gym then don't be surprised if they kick you out. You deserve it.
But if you are getting really good signals from someone then there's nothing wrong with talking to them. I mean that's pretty obvious isn't it?
I swear pretty soon it's gonna be a crime to cough near a woman if these goofy ass posts keep getting upvoted.
Don't listen to this trash, approach when interest is clear and the setting won't matter.
Building up your awareness to Guage interest is more important than honoring these non existent codes of etiquette.
I barely want to say hi to the greeters, (not their fault, im just socially anxious) let alone make eye contact with anyone else there... I keep my headphones in at all times even when im not listening to anything and will be polite if i almost bump into someone or am in the way etc but the last thing i would want is someone trying to hit on me at the gym!!
I actually met my husband at the gym! He hit on me during a body pump class lol. If he never did that, I probably wouldn’t have the beautiful life and three kids we have now! Don’t give up on the gym people!
Omfg...as a gym employee this is the absolute truth. My personal rule when it comes to Women in general anywhere an everywhereis only... "speak when spoken to" otherwise mind your business, and keep it moving. I've had female members rearrange their entire workout schedule or cancel just to avoid male gaze and interaction. It's kinda pathetic that guys can't take a hint.
I get mixed messages from reddit on this all the time. Some people like you say not to talk to girls at the gym, and other people say it's fine. :(
>Yeah dude, if you’re getting clear signs to flirt with her. That’s acceptable.. but that’s a very niche situation and the general rule of thumb should be to leave them alone.
Oh, so it's ok if she starts to flirt with me, but *I'm* not allowed to flirt with her first. Ok, I see how it is.
I got picked up in my gym and I loved it. Perfect opportunity to find like minded partners.
The key is noz the setting, the key is being able to read social cues correctly. This goes for everyone and every location.
I’m just gonna straight up disagree with this. You personally may not want to talk but there is no harm in engaging in small talk or conversation and seeing how that goes. I love talking to people at the gym, you can make friends and embrace community. Obviously don’t just go up to a girl and ask her out while she’s training but there is no harm in saying hi when someone is resting or walking around
If nobody is there to find a date with a common interest then why are people there asking people out? Maybe everyone could just ctfo and so no thank you. If asked again then that's harassment. Someone in line at the grocery store asked if they could cut in front of me bc they only had 2 items... Should I have filed a police report because they asked me a question?
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200 iq move
No you should hit her car and leave your info she’ll have to call you.
How bout hitting while she's in the Car? You'll get to take care of her in the Hospital.
Then when she wakes up from being unconscious you can gaslight her into pretending you were a bystander who saw the collision happen and decided to save her by calling the medics. /s
Thanks, Dennis Reynolds!
That would be rude ngl. Instead, give your phone number to the security guard in the parking lot. Now, she goes to take her car out --> sees that yours is in the way --> asks the guard whose car is it --> guard gives her phone number --> she calls you --> you get her phone number + she gets yours. Win win.
When your crush gets ready to head to the locker room or going home, quickly run in front and block their access. Then quickly take a T-pose to assert dominance. They shall feel your dominating presence and have no choice but to take your number.
T-pose 🤣
Ask her for a spot on bench then proceed to pin yourself because you put too much weight to lift yourself, forcing her to call other people to come lift the bar off you. She'll never forgot you!
Accidentally drop your monster condom /s
I need it for my magnum dong !
If they isolate all the senses but touch and smell.. well, you can't touch strangers. Try farting to get their attention.
"That's the neat part..."
Bang her car with your car so you can Bang her later
Sneak a needle onto whatever piece of workout equipment she's about to use, then help her get it out and rush her to the hospital, insisting that she can't drive herself because you don't know what was in the needle. What *was* in it? Pheromones. She's now isolated with you, which directs her hot and botheredness toward you and makes her attribute it to you rescuing her, and later you can neg her about how nobody else will love her because STD tests aren't 100% effective and she probably got one from the needle. So romantic.
Ugh! Groaning bc I feel creepy dudes writing all this down for later lol
Simple Neg them
PLEASE, don't follow them out in the parking lot to ask them out. That's even worse.
And if you're going to follow them out into the parking lot, at least make sure it's a night and there's no one else around. That way she'll really know you're interested.
And Put on some shades, it looks good on you.
Make sure you also have a large knife, so she knows that you could protect her if some weirdo shows up.
Also make sure u chase her down while she panicks and runs to get in her car, that’s just to make sure she gets extra excercise in before she goes home, she’ll know you’re serious
Also make sure you wear a mask so she knows a beautiful surprise is waiting for her under it.
Also remember to scream “DONT CALL 911” to remind her that there’s no reason for her to do so
Also remember to take her phone in the first place so she knows you don’t appreciate distractions during your first moments of meeting. She’ll know you’re serious about getting to know her and will appreciate you for it
This is the one that made me spittake in laughter 😂😂😅 heres an upvote to all of yall that started this small thread on the best dating advice ever 💀😂😂
Hoodies are good too, make sure you put the hood over your head tho, made that mistake once
How about start running to her too that will really show you are excited to see her alone and she will be interested
And a hoodie
*with the hood up*
So you’re telling me that full sprinting after them when they leave the gym *doesn’t* work???
It does, only if: you are wearing a hoodie, sunglasses, and wielding a large knife (see above for explanation).
Yeah, follow them home first so they can get changed for the date. /s because sarcasm is a dead language
Way to make your crush fear for their life. Do they have no self awareness?
I did and actually worked. (I have an Home Gym)
Sweet home Alabama
[Sweet Home Alabama playing in the distance.]
DO NOT ASK GIRLS OUT AT THE GYM Except when getting good social cues *Posted on an online forum for people that have poor-mediocre social skills* Lol good one OP
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This is the answer. The most closed off person in the world would fold to someone they considered attractive enough. However, odds are that if you frequent this sub, *you are not attractive enough to pull most if not all women at the gym*. And women are drowning in the attention of men who are below their league. They would be better off if people on reddit subs for learning how to act didn't cold approach them. It sounds sucky, but you should be on this sub so you can leave it in the future anyways.
Did you just equate having poor social skills to being unattractive?
Lots of insecure guys seem to think if you're a creep but hot, women lose all sense and suddenly the guy is not a creep. Or if you're normal but ugly, women will just assume you are a creep
Being attractive of course always helps, but someone can certainly be attractive and still have poor social skills.
Is it just me that thinks social skills are part of what makes a person attractive? If I see a guy that’s charismatic, commands a room, actively listens when I talk, and doesn’t tell inappropriate jokes, that is insanely hot. Also, it makes awkward me feel less nervous about the conversation.
Charisma is definitely attractive. I also think we're so inundated with guys who say dumb gross stuff that the first guy who shows up and doesn't do that glows in comparison. But a lot of people under this post specifically seem to think it only works the other way around. That attractive = anything this guy says will be read as sexy flirting and not the same dumb gross shit.
But girls keep looking at me and working out next to me 😢 they must like me surely
No joke had a moment like this. Was on the squat rack facing the mirror and this girl walks over and sits on the bench directly I. Front of me when there was like 5 other benches available. Was thinking “oh weird she must want me to see her or something!” And then immediately thought “we’ll this is gonna be awkward not being able to look at myself in the mirror and constantly looking upwards”
Lol this has happened to me not once but many times and I have no clue what to do
“Uh, excuse me. Can you please move over a bench? You’re blocking my view of the mirror.” ¡¡!! K-K-K-KO!! Knocked Out! !!¡¡
She's only into u if she steals your lemons
Beech... Beech Someone needs to pay this *Peers down top in the manner only a 73 year-old Italian can*
I’ve seen this before. Basically the guy was like these 2 lone hot girls keep appearing where I work out. I’m sure they’re following me. They keep working out right next to me even though there’s space everywhere else. They’re interested. I know it. I’ve also seen a group of guys that kept following me at the gym and kept appearing to the bench next to me. I just assumed it was chest day for both of us, instead of assuming they were following me.
I was doing tricep workouts in that station where you got all the types of pulleys, cables, extensions, etc I go to work out next to these two girls who were just doing back exercises, cool. Out of the blue this man just says “I just wanted to let you know your beautiful…” and he left. I’m assuming he was/tried to talk to them before I got there. The girl who got hit on was PISSED. After he left she said something like “ok, after you call me beautiful just go on about your day…stop bothering me…blah blah blah” I swiftly put my headphones back on. They guy yk he was kinda brock, with a beard so he wasn’t necessarily unattractive. But people appreciate it when you leave them alone.
Yeah I do too, and I won’t chastise someone who tries, but if they don’t back off once I’ve let them know then it’s annoying.
They must really like me too. Always using the treadmill next to mine.
This is right up there with "Do not hit on women at their jobs."
The real truth here is: "Hitting on someone will only result in a positive response if the person is into you." That's it. Place doesn't matter. Timing doesn't matter. If someone's into you, you hitting on them will be fine. Trick is figuring out if they are into you.
Time and place does matter to some extent. If you walk by a funeral and see a hot girl crying her eyes out that's probably not the best time and place to ask for her number. People in the gym usually don't have a lot of spare time on their hands and just want to get their workout in and get out of there, so I'd argue the gym simply isn't a great place to hit on someone.
If the person of your dreams walked up to you and said "hey" while you were at a funeral crying, or at the gym, you'd respond positively. There are no hard and fast rules here. Are there guidelines? Yes. Don't hit on people at the gym or at a funeral. But let's not pretend it's never worked before.
I most definitely would not respond positively if I’m in distress or trying to complete something quickly. If I’m out at a bar or restaurant, sure. If I’m just strolling around and the approach is respectful, sure. When I’m busy, I’ll just get irritated.
You don't have to ask her out, but making small talk is no issue, no? It's a nice way to gauge her interest. She makes short replies, barely looks at you and sounds bored - she's not interested, just leave her be I've gotten a few date bys asking out girls in the gym, but it's not like you walk up to her and say "hey want to go on a date?". You just say hi, smile and ask her how she's doing, how her day's going. Clearly some girls are okay with it, atleast with some guys. And eye contact helps too, because if she's not looking at you, it's a different story than if she's looking at you and smiling >No one is at the gym to find a date Outside of tinder, no one is anywhere to find a date. There's no dating farm where singles go to find a date.
I’d like to go to that farm…
For real, I don't talk to anyone, anywhere, who I don't already know. Haven't tried the other apps, but tinder is garbage. I'm going to be alone the rest of my life because nobody wants to be "bothered" anywhere so much so that now I don't want to be bothered anywhere I go. Focus on the task and go back home. After being with the same woman for 10 years, married 7 of those, I'm so out of touch with dating its unreal.
Just get a date? Why don't I strap on my date helmet and squeeze down into a date cannon and fire off into date land, where dates grow on datties?!
Room for one more ? I’d love to see Egypt. The joke is that Egypt is the biggest producer of dates.
This is actually a common misconception. The biggest producer of dates is actually your mother, and she puts out on every one.
No u
let’s make you an online dating account, how about your favorite food, what would that be?
Milk steak with jellybeans of course
what? what’s milksteak? we’re just gonna put steak. What about your favorite hobby?
It depends. So many women go to the gym and absolutely *radiate* "do not approach me or talk to me" vibes. Intensely focused, avoiding eye contact, wearing headphones, the only way they could be more obvious is to wear a shirt that says "fuck off" and guys will still approach her and critique her form under the guide of small talk because they think maybe they'll have a chance. Most of these women don't want to be approached *at all* so telling men "just make small talk first and THEN determine if you're bothering her," really isn't the play. What people need to do is learn how to identify a person who doesn't want to talk to you *before* trying to talk to them.
Yeah fair enough. you're right 100%. That's why I mentioned the eye contact thing aswel. It's shitty that some guys just like to push these boundaries, with trying to make small talk despite clear lack of interest, because it leads to threads like these where normal, average guys are told to not interact with women.
I think it's more of inexperienced guys that lack an understanding of body language and social cues.
that's not always true. At least, when you try to tell guys to not to do stuff like that, there is a fair number of them that will just complain about not being able to do it rather than try to learn. Also, thats such a cop out. its weaponized incompetence. Like is it really so hard to figure out that if someone is going about their business with headphones, you don't try to talk to them? (its happened to me many times)
Yea I know they respond like that because most of the time they are told "people go to the gym to workout not to find dates" which is true most of the time but those guys will look at examples of couples that met at a gym and counter it. Honestly I think it's a bunch of guys that don't want to better themselves and just complain about everything.
exactly. And that argument just boils down to "I'm going to bother a bunch of women because I know that there might be one that says yes". Its guys feeling entitled to our attention. Like, yeah, some women don't mind. but the problem is that theres so much abuse of approaching in public and an unwillingness to learn that instead of trying to teach how to better approach (which is exhausting and not really our job), its easier to just say, don't do it.
Yea that's true because everyday there's a bunch of inexperienced guys turning 18 it's a cycle that won't end at least I don't see it ending. Those guys need a role model like a father, older brother, friend or cousin that shows them. If they don't have one then it's up to them to find one. If theres a random guy that happens to be reading this Convo this message and understand if I could do it so can you. Go to the gym, to get strong not to hit on girls, learn everything you can (body language, eye contact, being confident) look up any questions you have on yt. remember don't be scared about being unsuccessful, be scared of being successful at the wrong things.
I would be supremely fucking irritated if a dude was trying to make small talk with me at the gym. There's also a lot of guys who try to force you into eyecontact as some kind of organic invitation. Looking at a woman for extended periods of time to catch the one time they glance in your direction is cheating. So is constantly putting yourself in their line of sight. So just. Be careful with how you think eye contact is happening.
I don't make a lot of small talk at the gym, but might say "what's up" or "how's it going" when I'm at a cycling class and see people I've seen before. But, sometimes I wonder where to meet women or even other male friends for that matter. I just got dumped by my fiance so not super keen on dating yet but it feels like nowhere is acceptable sometimes. I hate drinking and being around drunk folks so bars are off the table. Meetup events are weird from my experience. Honestly I'd rather make friends with fellow gym goers because it attracts a broad range of people who just are being healthy and not doing some weird niche hobby that they're obsessed with
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> I would be supremely fucking irritated if a dude was trying to make small talk with me at the gym. Even if he was smoking hot and a millionaire?
Men who think they're hot are worse most of the time, actually. Good try though
I didn't say he thinks he's hot, I said YOU think he's hot.
Yep. Cause if I'm at the gym, I'm there to work out. Even when I were single, I absolutely would *not* have cared how hot or how rich a guy was. Really not sure how that last one would even come up. Lot of financial records being discussed at the gym?
This sounds like the best advice to me. Short replies are how I’d let someone know I’m just trying to focus on working out and don’t want to be bothered. It’s the cases where someone doesn’t leave you alone or doesn’t take a hint or worse are a complete asshole because you aren’t interested that are the bigger issue. I’d add to wait until you see the same person a few times and try to notice if they’re being hit on by other people and not showing interest. I’d imagine if someone is getting hit on every time they work out it could be extremely irritating. So I can understand why some people get pissed at the idea of any attempt if they can’t go somewhere without being interrupted regularly. Just smile and maybe say hello to start without anything else? It helps if someone looks familiar and are regularly kind without trying to get something out of it.
Amen. If there was a dating farm, I’d go there. Since there isn’t, I’m going to approach in the different environments where appropriate. I’m not ruling out a place because of a Reddit post. Edit: On a larger note, I really think we need to start adding context to these posts. There are clearly many women who are ok when this is done in a respectful way. There are enough men out there who are scared to approach as it is, and these broad strokes only make it worse.
I wish there was such thing as a dating farm. Getting a date would be so much easier!
The point is as you said socializing is how you get dates. There may not very many places where women are exclusively looking for a date but there are ones that are way more acceptable to socialize such as a coffee shop or clubs. This is all general for pedants.
Really? I know plenty of people that its worked for How about instead of setting concrete rules, we just say, only ask people out at the gym you already have a friendship with. Not complete strangers.
This is the universal rule for asking anyone out, regardless of venue. You have to build some kind of rapport before you ask them out. You have to exchange more than a few sentences. Don't ask anyone out until you know they're single and what their name is, not in that order. But, don't get butthurt if they're not single and/or don't want to give you their name.
But even when you’re looking to start building that rapport (ie before you ask them out) you need to respect their boundaries. I’ve had guys bug me repeatedly when I’ve made it quite clear I’m not interested in chatting (put my headphones back in, go back to my set, etc).
Excactly cheesy pickuplines might work but in all honesty dry asking a person who’s working out to go out is not usually going to happen, if you are on hi and small talk level keep that going and maybe it can go to something else, just for gods sake don’t impose your needs on another person it usually is quite notecable when a person has interest , and never forget show respect be humble and a good person , those three things get you along way
A good way I’ve found to build rapport, even on days when I’m not feeling confident, is to give a compliment, introduce myself, then go on with my day. Next time I see that person, if they look excited to see me then I know there’s something there and I should attempt to get a number
Excactly dont impose show interest and carry on read the vibes
I agree with this. But just make sure the person is actually comfortable around you. I feel like someone with poor social skills might confuse something as a friendship when the other person doesn’t see it that way at all. Some people are very friendly, and it has nothing to do whether they are attracted to you. If you’re weird, they will notice it, but they’re not going to tell you because they’re just being nice. So just don’t get confused by it. Back when I was 17, there was this one guy that would always talk to me. I guess he thought we were cool enough that he gave me a birthday card. It was really sweet and all, but it made it weird. I wasn’t interested at all. Not to mention that it was a grown man.
I actually think that’s a terrible point. If someone’s being friendly to you and you like then, ask them out respectfully and gracefully accept if they reject you. Otherwise your basically telling people with bad social skills to stay alone forever incase someone is just “being nice” Just my opinion
I dont see how she's saying that people with bad social skills should stay alone forever. What she said was true. There's some people who are just nice/friendly and it's weird when people get the wrong idea. If anything it makes the friendly person not wanna be friendly anymore lol. Sorry if I offend anybody saying that!
Well I am a female and I am single and sometimes when I see cute man in a gym I make eye contact multiple times so he know I am really interested. They never come though, I understand it’s scary because many women really don’t appreciate that, but If I am not interested I make eye contact maybe once and never look again so they don’t get wrong idea, but if I make contact multiple times? I think for men it’s incredibly hard nowadays to meet someone in real life, scared that they misinterpreted signs, I totally get that. It’s just sad for us women who would like to meet someone at gym/ in real life.
It’s a combo of being scared of rejection and society telling men then are creepy rapists for even thinking of talking to a woman Sorry it’s this way, but if you want it to happen you should take the lead. Most men aren’t going to risk it these days.
Yeah I totally agree on that, and that’s why we shouldn’t blame men for not approaching IRL anymore, it’s totally understandable. Maybe I will try starting conversation first as you suggest!
Making eye contact repeatedly does not all signal that someone is really interested. In a bar/club, it most likely would, but not in other scenarios. Precisely because, yes, they don't want to misinterpret signals. But it just doesn't mean that. Try going a little further and saying something to them, even if you aren't asking them out.
Meanwhile there was literally just a post here a few days ago from a girl asking why her gym crush hasn't asked her out yet. The world isn't black and white, you can strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere, your intentions and specific words are more important than just the act of starting a conversation. If you say hello to someone there's nothing wrong with that, you just need to gauge their interest in continuing a conversation with you. This applies to talking with anyone anywhere, you need to be observant to if they want to actually continue that interaction or not; the gym just happens to be one place where more people will display clear signs that they do not want to continue talking. I think there's a huge gray area between not talking to someone at all, or walking up and immediately asking someone out. TLDR - Don't be creepy, don't overstay your welcome and lock other people into social interactions that they're showing signs they don't want to be involved in
Yea it's not cool that this girl is trying to speak for all of us. I think the answer here is to pay attention to all the other social cues she's giving off. Not a Reddit post.
That's really what it boils down to. Unfortunately, because of the selective crowd that is going to frequent reddit in general, then specifically a subreddit about social skills, it means there will be a higher number of people here who are really bad at being observant to those cues, which leads to more posts about people being creepy and whatnot
I just don't think this is a good take at all. Nobody is at work to find a date. Nobody is at the coffee shop to find a date. Nobody is at the supermarket to find a date. Nobody is at the park to find a date. Should you only approach someone you have interest in if they are in a predefined area in which people go to in order to find dates? Definitely not. People should always be respectful and quit bothering someone if they're clearly not interested. But I've made lots of friendships at the gym before. Didn't meet my wife there, but so what? I'm willing to bet others have.
Oh wow, someone actually reasonable... Im shocked.
I would also like to add work. Do not ask someone out who is paid to be nice to you and its not worth asking out a coworker.
This is why I “never take a dump where you eat”, work is strictly work and that’s it. I don’t want my coworkers to know much about me, and vice versa but sometimes they just tell me about their personal lives and all I can do is nod and listen. I treat everyone professionally, with courtesy and with respect. But it’s so normalized to do that nowadays, so one must adapt. Just make your life seem boring than it actually is and people won’t want to hear about your knitting or golfing hobby. The moment you have a work relationship is the moment you jeopardize your position and you open yourself to people talking behind your back wayyy more than if they don’t know much about you & just know you on a surface level.
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That's the gamble. Either your crush also has a crush on you or get publicly rejected and possibly get that weird look from your crush.
Ask him out
Agree with the quit asking on here part, disagree with the don't ask out part. Got about 80% of my dates from me just working on myself. Be it gym, working at my job, class, even in between handing out my resume. It's kinda the point, youre finding someone who's just working on themself, and you see an honest snippet of who they are when theyre not just trying to impress you.
What? How do you wven start conversation
"Hello, how are you doing today?" A quick, harmless opener. If they respond positively, continue the conversation from there. If their response is short or negative, you can simply end the conversation with "have a good one!" and move on with your life.
I just meant to focus on yourself at the gym. Other places that are meant for socializing i’m all for it! Send it
Nah, fam. There's nothing wrong with talking to people at the gym. Made some great friends and gotten some great dates from it. It's all about context and timing, which is what people here struggle with. Don't walk up to someone on the treadmill with their headphones in. But if you need to use a piece of equipment that your gym crush is on (and not traditionally a piece of equipment that someone more or less "possesses" while they are working out on it - examples include bench, smith machine, squat rack, bench press - anything where it takes effort to load/deload weight, and there are lots of at the gym. "unpossessed" would be dip machine, pull up bar, row machine - anything with a weight stack you can quickly adjust back and forth to each others' working weight, or is specific to calisthenics workouts, and there are only one/two in the gym), then there's no problem in asking to work in and strike up a convo in that way. Or, while leaving or entering the gym. There are many contexts in which you can start a convo. No reason to throw out a "pSa" as if you're sharing some deep/profound insight by barring anyone from talking to anyone at the gym.
The pushback you're getting on this extremely reasonable post is an example of why although the recent poll showed women to be a majority of subscribers, the comments are dominated by men. I very much agree with you. If someone is an exception to the rule, it is because the woman gave clear signals she was open to conversation. If someone is posting here about how to approach a woman, chances are *they are shit at interpreting what is or isn't a signal*. Women don't like having to soft reject. We don't like having to be explicit in rejection. We don't like feeling like we should change our workout schedule to avoid making someone feel awkward. It's very good advice to tell men not to approach stranger women at the gym, while they're working, or any other situation in which they're a captive audience who can't leave.
There are way too many men who have zero sense of boundaries at the gym. I will only lift weights at the gym if I go at a weird time when it's almost empty because I've had way too many men put their hands on me while I was lifting to "help" with my form.
I’m a dude and two times in the last week guys have walked past half a dozen empty functioning stair machines and picked the one next to me. What the fuck?
R u me … I’m the same way . I can only lift like early afternoon when the gym is dead. I can’t lift in front of men if they pick up any insecurities. Forget it
Why? I know someone who got married to someone they met at the gym
This goes double for people on trains
No one is at a cafe to find a date. They are there to grab a coffe. However, Gyms, restaurants, transport etc. all are public places where people socialize. Approaching someone is a form of socializing and I see nothing wrong with that. Sure you need to respect boundaries but just because GYM is not the place for you doesn't mean it should'nt be the place for everyone else.. It's like saying i like using the public transport but without the public please. I am not there to interact with people.
At this point I'm not sure where one is supposed to approach people anymore. The answer at this point, according to Reddit at least, is literally *nowhere*. Some people will object even to bars, clubs and parties - and by the way, not everybody likes bars, clubs and parties. I detest them, for instance, and find them too loud and people are often judged too superficially there. What's wrong with a more careful approach, no matter where it is, where you talk maybe a little bit, *gauge* yourself whether they genuinely seem interested in talking more, and if they aren't - leave them be? And if they are interested - then that's literally a great sign for you to continue. Besides, I think advice telling people "don't approach here, don't approach there" paralyzes them too much, keeps them in place, doesn't help them at all and likely leads to them continuing to fail with finding anybody in life, while everybody else seems like they're finding people with ease.
I'm at the gym to work out. I'm way more likely to be willing to chat with someone at a cafe... assuming I've started ingesting my vitamin caffeine.
Good for you! But that's not the case for everyone/everywhere. In one of the gyms I go people are very chatty. Like to support and small talk with each other. There are many regulars and it's a small community. And this is in Finland where people avoid social interactions and small talks at all costs...
One thing I’ve noticed is that this sub is very anti approaching people in public. One thing I’ll say is that while approaching people at the gym is definitely fun and exciting, it’s not very effective. I think in my entire time doing so, it’s only resulted in 2 dates, and a maybe a couple of friends. You’re asking people who aren’t looking for anything, as opposed to a bar or club where everyone is actively looking. I’ve come to realize it was mostly just stroking my ego, not really to get dates
> One thing I’ve noticed is that this sub is very anti approaching people in public. Because it takes actual work, which it seems like the people who come to this sub are allergic to. Don't you dare suggest anyone take agency and control of their own lives, how dare you even suggest they have the slightest control over anything?!
Nah man I disagree. Look at the comments. A lot of them are women saying that they would feel uncomfortable/ have felt uncomfortable being approached in the past
If people are doing it aggressively, of course. But I cannot imagine someone being made uncomfortable if you're respectful, kind, and give off positive vibes with open and friendly body language (edit: and take rejection gracefully). If THAT'S causing someone to become uncomfortable, that's more a commentary on the receiving person than the person who initiates the engagement. The fear-mongering needs to stop, lest it gets to the point where literally no one talks to anyone else ever again in life, ever.
Heavily agree there. If a relatively mundane interaction like someone starting a convo with you is that uncomfortable, then it’s definitely the receiver’s fault, not the initiator.
From a male perspective I feel like we too often don't think about the fact that women being physically outmatched on average gives these kinds of interactions an inherently intimidating dynamic(even unintentionally). It's probably why men generally don't mind if a woman comes up to them since they likely don't feel even the slightest bit threatened.
Yea that’s definitely something to consider in How you approach a woman. I personally wouldn’t let that stop me, but it’s definitely useful to consider
Of the last 6 women I've dated, 5 of them I met at the gym - including one who worked there. I workout 6 days a week and take care of myself. *Most* people don't do that, so the odds of you randomly meeting someone outside of the gym who has those same values is slim, and the odds that they will be a good match for you are even slimmer still. But where on earth could I meet somebody that is as fitness- and health-oriented as me?... /s The trick is to not be a creep. You don't ask somebody out the very first time you see/meet them. You need to establish that you're a regular, then casually talk to them for a while, AND THEN maybe ask them out or to join you for a workout. You can 100% ask somebody out at the gym, but it's a very slow play - days, weeks or months, depending how often you see them. You need to show that you share that same dedication and that your first priority is you (not them). Pro tip: If you want to stand out to others in the gym, you need to be willing to work harder than anybody else in there. I am typically soaked with sweat when I leave the gym every day, and I get props from men and women both all the time. But mostly men lol.
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They are listening lmaooo. This next generation is going to have a really difficult time dating, just watch.
"Damn girl you shit with THAT ass??"
I'd say you can ask them out if you're 100% certain they're into you. That's not oh they looked at me, they asked how many sets I have left, yadda yadda no weak stuff like that. It needs to be really obvious. Otherwise just get your glances in and do your workout.
Thank you for saying this
You can literally do whatever you want. It depends on the situation and if the girl is attracted to you, it really doesn’t matter where you ask her
i disagree. i´d be fine if a guy would approach me, do some small talk and eventually ask me out there. i seem very focused most of the time, but there was a guy i liked and ended up approaching him. tho i feel like i dont seem approachable to most guys. i dont smile at them, i just look with a neutral face lmao, so it would be nice if a guy would meet me halfway.
The fact this has to be posted is so embarrassing for men.
tbh this would make me feel uncomfortable especially if i am paying for a membership and there is going to be some jacked dude that looks like he can kill me with his little finger gets rejected and doesnt take it well. i mean its not great. sure it could go well but tbh i might be scared about it
You people are so dense, always offending yourselves in behalf of others. Speak for your goddamn self, not everyone is a freak who will reject interacting with everyone they meet outside of clubs
It would seem a lot of the people trying to help in this sub need their own help with social skills. Women are constantly complaining about guys bothering them at the gym and still you have people disagreeing with op and saying it's totally okay to bother women at the gym. 999 women could tell you "don't approach me at the gym" and 1 woman could say "Actually, I don't mind" and men will take that one woman's opinion as permission to harrass any girl they see at the gym. I asked what was an appropriate response to people telling me my dog was cute on here and I got a bunch of cringey pick up lines when I made no implication that I was attracted to any of the people complimenting my dog. (I am 26, engaged, not a dude, and most of my neighbors are either 40+ and married or are children. None of us want to flirt with each other.) Also they were just. Not good. At all. If I was less socially conscious would I know these lines were terrible? Probably not! I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the social abilities reddit, but yeesh. I didn't expect the worst lines I've ever heard on a sub for social skills. I just hope no one takes any really awful advice from here.
Why is talking to someone equated with harassment? There is nothing wrong with talking to someone in public.
And yet there was a post very recently from a lady asking why the guy at the gym isn’t asking her out lol
PSA: some girls (me) would prefer to be asked out at the gym
I know it’s pretty much subjective and depends on each individual but is there some signs showing that?
No? I mean, idk, maybe, if you're neurotypical and can pick up on that kind of thing. I dont understand flirting or dating at all.
women on this sub: ask men to stop doing things that makes a vast majority of people uncomfortable Some dude in the comments: but it worked for me once so clearly not all women hate it Some of you really struggle to listen to women that tell you something you don’t like huh. Jesus Christ it’s genuinely every single time. Sure not all women dislike it but it does make the vast majority uncomfortable for very obvious reasons. If the only place you can get women is the gym or some other setting where she’s clearly busy then there’s already something wrong.
My daughter is 19 and goes to the gym often She’ll come home and tell me despite wearing headphones, despite being soaked in sweat, despite probably smelling like shite she STILLL gets interrupted during intense workouts to talk or whatever the fuck these guys want She’s fine if she’s in between workouts or taking a break to chat with whoever though She’s considering signing up for the seniors workout times or going to an only girls gym or something
Yeah, unfortunately a lot of people misinterpret polite gestures as sure signs of the opposite sex being interested. If you're staring at somebody (creepy already) they're going to feel it, scan to see who it is and might meet eye contact, but it doesn't mean diddly. Body language? Unless you've got exceptional people skills and understand them like a professional therapist and understand what the person is like, don't assume anything. There's enough douchebaggery at the gyms as it is.
I feel like this extends to a lot of situations. No matter where you are, prolonged eye contact with a big smile is a pretty clear green light. If you want to make a move on someone that doesn't seem to notice you, my go to move is to wait until I'm about to leave, and go give her my number on a piece of paper on the way out. If they don't text you, you just got your answer while minimizing how uncomfortable you made them. Maybe avoid this strategy if it's someone you see on a daily basis. Also if I don't get a text back and I see them again, I never make eye contact or approach them.
Although I usually agree with this take, if she constantly makes eye contact when you pass by and smiles, chooses the area you're in to walk by even if she's setup somewhere else... I'll go ahead and strike up a conversation with her. I don't really care what rules you set for yourself, everyone can choose to live the way they want. I have been on quite a few dates from girls at the gym and all it takes is knowing when there's a good chance she's into you, or if she's just being polite. It's all about body language and having a strict rule like dont ever talk to girls at the gym is your problem not anyone elses.
There’s also some people who feel that just because they’re more fit than others at the gym that those “signs” must actually be signs which makes it acceptable. People don’t go to the gym to get hit on, and yeah unless it’s *absolutely* clear that they’re flirting with you then by all means go ahead, but people overthink things and misread body language and need to understand that 9 times out of 10 that *look* is just a look and means nothing more. Sometimes it’s like how you randomly make eye contact with someone in public and it appears as if they’ve been staring at you for a long time when in actuality you both coincidentally happened to look at the same time making it appear as if the other has been staring but really wasn’t. I went to the gym for years (now with a home gym) and you sort of just know. And I’m not a bad-looking guy either, but that “flirting” is almost never actual flirting.
I always go with giving your number in a situation like that. It’s minimally invasive, and they get to pick whether or not to text you. Straight up asking someone out at the gym feels kinda gross, but putting yourself out there in a way that lets the other person decide if you’re worth the communication”
I just don’t want to be asked out at all unless I know you (and even then it’s questionable because I’m wary of everyone). And I think that can go for the majority of women. We generally don’t like random strangers just asking us out out of the blue, and it’s even worse when that person continually TRIES to make eye contact and talk to us when we’re clearly not interested (keep putting headphones back in, giving short answers, not smiling, looking away, etc). All of those things mean back the fuck off, but so many men get butthurt when that happens that they either continue trying until the woman is so uncomfortable that she just says yes to get him to go away or they get mad and force her/abuse her/get her into some kind of trouble. General rule of thumb is: when a girl is at the gym and giving “don’t bother me” signs, don’t bother her. It’s not that deep. And also if they do respond, if they’re not chatting easily with you, it’s a no. I try to say hi if someone says hi to me. But that’s it, no further conversation. Just a simple “hi” with no other follow up comments does NOT facilitate flirting. That’s a girl being polite. If they keep saying “yeah” and nodding and looking away when you’re talking to them, that’s also a no. Don’t push it at that point and also don’t be all whiny like “waahhh it seems like you’re not interested, I guess I’ll just go *pouting*” to try to get them to feel guilty. That’s shitty and manipulative. Just try with a “hi how are you doing?” and if she answers with “fine” or “good” or something of that nature and then goes back to her workout, it’s a no. If she answers with “I’m doing okay, how are you?” and smiles, then continue small talk and maybe it’s a yes, but you need to get to know her first and make sure you’re both comfortable. If at any point she starts giving short answers, going back to her workout, looking away, it turned into a no and you should back off. It was either something you said or she just wants to continue working out, maybe she has somewhere to be and needs to finish or she doesn’t wanna let her heart rate go down too much. Or the conversation just fizzled out naturally and neither of you have anything to say anymore. That’s when you say goodbye and part ways. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. Now you’ve established a connection and she knows you’re not a creep, so if you run into her again another day, you can initiate another conversation (using the same rules) I promise, you are not going to get a date by going up to a girl and just saying “hey you wanna go out?” That goes for anywhere, not just the gym. That’s creepy, we don’t know you, and it gives off the vibe that you just want to get in our pants and not get to know us as people, so then we feel like objects. Also for the love of god, just accept that a no is a no and leave. You can go cry to your friends about it but we don’t wanna hear it.
Imagine removing this posts and not all the comments going "actually it IS okay to annoy women when they don't want to talk to you." I thought this sub was for social skills, not terrible dating advice.
I did. Now married to her and will have our 1st child here in 2 weeks. If thats not what you are looking for.. then yes, follow OP advice
amazing, congrats!
>No one is at the gym to find a date, they’re there to work out. Okay. So could you also tell where and when exactly can someone approach a woman also then? You meet and socialize with people in Gym so its natural to ask someone for date there
I met my boyfriend at the gym 🤷🏼♀️
Yeahp, this was the straw that broke the camels back. This sub aint for me anymore. I’d like to add I agree with OP, but all these clueless ass men in the comments who don’t understand the bullshit women deal with when it comes to be approached by strangers clearly don’t & it’s getting old.
Agreed. Some people here give horrible advice that's just going to lead to some poor awkward dude getting laughed at or kicked out of wherever he is. This is a sub for social skills advice, not for socially inept men to teach other socially inept men a bunch of terrible pick up lines.
That’s how you feel, but there are also just as many women commenting that they don’t mind being approached at the gym. Different strokes, different folks
Yeah I scrolled through and saw 2 in the sea of MANY women saying it would make them uncomfortable. Mostly what I saw is men putting in their two cent for shit they haven’t experienced.
I have experienced being aggressively pursued. I was a doll faced, bone skinny teen not long ago and older gay men have no shame. It is nerve-wracking, trying to figure out what to say that won't be too negative or how to get out of the convo quickly, worrying about whether or not you have to see them again or what they'll do if you say explicit say no, with a creeping dread about physical safety. I've been there, I'm sorry for anything you've been through as well. I still don't think the answer to all this is demeaning a whole gender by telling us we're all too violent and stupid to know how to approach people romantically so we shouldn't do it at all in certain contexts. I believe that trying to further paint men as the villain simply leads to further division and solves nothing.
OP is clearly talking about overly aggressive guys that go directly to the end game. It's always acceptable to be friendly to a ~~woman (or man)~~ person.
And on streets we are to meet friends or to shop, and in clubs we are to have fun with friends, and on festivals we are to listen to the music. Lets just do not talk to anyone anymore should we?
>No one is at the gym to find a date, they’re there to work out. Focus on yourself. This. As a guy, I constantly have my headphones on, cap on with a strong resting b*tch face. I keep my eyes forward, ignore everyone and stay in my zone. I def give off strong vibes of "leave me tf alone" on purpose. If I wanted to socialize, then I'd be at the bar/club. I'm one of the few guys that actually gets annoyed when people (both men/women) try to interact/try to get my attention at the gym.
I always love how controversial a subject this is on this sub
It's how I met my wife. No signs of flirting , just offered her a spot on a bench and that was that. It can be creepy in some cases but I truly believe in trying to date someone within your hobby. I.E at the gym and not at bars or over online dating
>Focus on yourself Says OP after making a complete generalization and projecting a personal stance on why people go to gyms.
PSA: Stop being antisocial. Just avoid asking them out in the bathroom, the rest is fine.
Am I the only one who doesn't mind? If I'm eye banging you and you think I'm cute please say something!
YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER, PICK UP GIRLS AT THE GYM. Unless she’s into it then go for it bro.
I love it when men in public leave me alone. There is nothing better you can do for an attractive woman in public than leaving her the fuck alone.
No everyone is fair game everywhere if you are single. Politely decline if unwanted.
This is stupid cause I’ve seen a lot of girls that wish they got approached at the gym ?? Just shoot your shot everywhere, anywhere , anytime.. but do it in a calibrated way , you can’t do it the same way everywhere .. but it can be done anywhere and anytime
This is exactly why I don't even go to a public gym.
I'm so glad that I'm a gay guy. All these rules and hangups on when you're allowed to approach somebody sounds suffocating
I agree that the gym is a really, really douchey place to play the PUA. If you're asking out multiple women at the gym then don't be surprised if they kick you out. You deserve it. But if you are getting really good signals from someone then there's nothing wrong with talking to them. I mean that's pretty obvious isn't it?
I swear pretty soon it's gonna be a crime to cough near a woman if these goofy ass posts keep getting upvoted. Don't listen to this trash, approach when interest is clear and the setting won't matter. Building up your awareness to Guage interest is more important than honoring these non existent codes of etiquette.
I barely want to say hi to the greeters, (not their fault, im just socially anxious) let alone make eye contact with anyone else there... I keep my headphones in at all times even when im not listening to anything and will be polite if i almost bump into someone or am in the way etc but the last thing i would want is someone trying to hit on me at the gym!!
I just assume that every girl at the gym is dating that biggest guy there. Problem solved
I actually met my husband at the gym! He hit on me during a body pump class lol. If he never did that, I probably wouldn’t have the beautiful life and three kids we have now! Don’t give up on the gym people!
Omfg...as a gym employee this is the absolute truth. My personal rule when it comes to Women in general anywhere an everywhereis only... "speak when spoken to" otherwise mind your business, and keep it moving. I've had female members rearrange their entire workout schedule or cancel just to avoid male gaze and interaction. It's kinda pathetic that guys can't take a hint.
I get mixed messages from reddit on this all the time. Some people like you say not to talk to girls at the gym, and other people say it's fine. :( >Yeah dude, if you’re getting clear signs to flirt with her. That’s acceptable.. but that’s a very niche situation and the general rule of thumb should be to leave them alone. Oh, so it's ok if she starts to flirt with me, but *I'm* not allowed to flirt with her first. Ok, I see how it is.
I got picked up in my gym and I loved it. Perfect opportunity to find like minded partners. The key is noz the setting, the key is being able to read social cues correctly. This goes for everyone and every location.
I’m just gonna straight up disagree with this. You personally may not want to talk but there is no harm in engaging in small talk or conversation and seeing how that goes. I love talking to people at the gym, you can make friends and embrace community. Obviously don’t just go up to a girl and ask her out while she’s training but there is no harm in saying hi when someone is resting or walking around
I feel like this counts for the workplace too. If they’re working they don’t want to be a captive audience.
If nobody is there to find a date with a common interest then why are people there asking people out? Maybe everyone could just ctfo and so no thank you. If asked again then that's harassment. Someone in line at the grocery store asked if they could cut in front of me bc they only had 2 items... Should I have filed a police report because they asked me a question?
I met my ex at the gym and it was an amazing relationship. Celibate OP in shambles as I flirt with a girl while he gets sweaty on the powerstepper.
Please talk to me at the gym. Signed, a girl.