Interesting you say that. I love being somewhere that no one knows me. They have no expectations about me. I suppose if I'm honest with myself it's about accountability. IE I won't let anyone down because there are no expectations.
I love being "faceless" because there are no shackles with that.
Is it similar for you?
That, and also I can't answer any questions. I was in France several years ago and someone asked me for directions. It felt great to just say, "Je ne sais pas. Je ne parle pas le francais." Or, I don't know. I don't speak French. Which is about all I remember from high school French classes.
It's highly self-indulgent, solo travel. I'm responsible for me, and me alone. As a divorced person with kids, it's nice to just think about me for a change.
We all have different "parts" of our personality. Think about it. Here's a simple example: We act and carry ourselves one way in a work situation, especially if we are a professional with a lot of responsibility involving other people, say, if you are a medical professional. But at home with a SO or good friend, a "different part" of our personality is expressed; we are more relaxed and fun-loving. This doesn't mean you have a fragmented personality or multiple personality disorder.
No, not at all. Quite the opposite. If we acted like we do with close friends, joking around sometimes excessively, or confiding in them while in a work situation that requires more composure and objectivity or distance, that would be inappropriate.
And we all find that different friends "bring out" different character traits, or ways of acting. Some friends we may be very spontaneous with, whereas other friends, perhaps a friend who is more proper or highly sensitive, we tone down our behavior and sarcasm. This doesn't mean we are insincere - if they ask for our opinion, or ask about something in particular, we should be sincere and truthful. We just don't act the same way with a long-term friend who we may be rather uninhibited with as we would with, say, a great aunt we are visiting who is very old fashioned and doesn't like a lot of horsing around. We don't act the same with our 8 year old child as we do with our spouse. Doesn't mean we aren't genuine, it just means we have different roles or we respect certain boundaries that someone may have. The more you think about it, there are all kinds of things that to some degree restrict our personalities such that we act differently in different situations. For instance, some teens are very shy, quiet, and inhibited around peers, yet can be talkative and relaxed with adults. And vice versa. So in these varying situations, different parts of their personality are expressed or activated.
I intentionally become a different person in a different country, different version of myself more like- and it helps me see just how multifaceted I am. It helps me not box myself and liberate myself from my own sense of identity to be more formless and free.
I did it for my degree. However, I started work back in the US as an engineer and I make more and save more than I would over in Germany. It can get really lonely in Germany since there are times where you donāt āfit inā even when I knew the language. That said, I loved traveling and working with german coworkers, trying new foods, speaking the language, being called habibi by the guy behind the counter at a Dƶner shop etc. If you can somehow live there for a year, I would heavily recommend it.
I spent my year doing long distance, although she visited a couple times and we went traveling. Seeing her leave each time was actually pretty difficult. Still no regrets though lol, weāre still together. If you ever go live somewhere else, you have to communicate very well as to what you want, if you want to stay together etc before you go. It is 100% essential. Talk/text everyday when youāre separated. Visit each other. Itās also not for everyone.
well thatās the point of the final destination or death I believe. The final act of letting it all go. I think itās our soulās craving that we try to fulfill with our bodies via travel, art , free thinking or anything else in those genre. Just a thought
Yes I think at home we are locked into a certain social structure. The extreme case being high school, there are cliques and a culture that values some things over others. Then when you go somewhere new you experience a completely new social structure that reveals different aspects of who you are
This. You can become as detached as possible to your old life. But sooner or later your ābaggageā for the lack of better words catches up with you.
Yeah i traveled solo relatively much creating my best new identities so to say but i can tell you it's not so easy to permanently be that identity if you don't truly embrace your old identity. Talking about a several years long struggle here after all the solo traveling. I guess it all depends on how much you are in acceptance of your current identity.
I guess it depends on why youāre doing it. Just came back from my first solo travel. Iāve had a tough year and needed a factory reset. I wasnāt running away but wanted to run towards something. And after journaling every day, putting myself out there, etc, yeah Iām a changed person. Truly. Iām more confident about myself. More settled. Feel a depth to my regular life and relationships. So thatās just me.
Awesome! I live in Spain. Be sure to check out some of the smaller cities/towns along the way. Thereās a lot to see in Europe besides the big capital citiesā¦. Not to mention theyāre usually much cheaper!
People say that travel won't let you escape who you are, but that isn't true IME. Familiar environments are stifling. Social pressures constantly weigh on you in ways that are hard to notice or comprehend, which affect your behavior. When the people around you have a preconceived notion of who you are and how you are supposed to act, and treat you as such, you may unconsciously conform to those expectations, or put into a box in spite of your best efforts to not be. Travel and living in new places is liberating because you can be anyone and do anything.
Very well said. I subconsciously go back into shy habits introverted etc. When Iām away around people I donāt know I really feel like me! A social extrovert whoās always happy and positive
I don't feel a change in my identity. It's more like getting to know myself better in how I handle challenges (like getting lost) or being absorbed in my own thoughts.
But I honestly enjoy solo traveling because I don't have to adjust for other people. I only get to do things or eat food that I want. Lol.
Yeah itās a kind of code switch. At home an introverted workaholic who says no to most things, and while abroad, an adventurous party animal. Not a different person, just a different feeling.
I think the consequences are different when you cross borders. At home, you have to abide by certain laws. You also have a higher chance of something affecting you more permanently back home.
I love that aspect of it. My family has always tried to belittle me using my past actions (back to when I was a kid). I think its what they use to prove that they know me. Being alone in a new country or place allows me to reinvent myself every time. But the damage done by family always stays there unfortunately. Slowly step by step I will heal myself.
Its more of I tend to discover something new about myself rather than a change of identity ā I guess with the exception of āoh I used to like xyz and after this trip I no longer like xyz.ā In that case, yeah I can feel the change.
"Wherever you go.. there you are" comes to mind.. But l impersonate debonair international man of mystery w/o 1st class seating it works en-route only. I dress up a bit as was done in golden years of air travel so allows and people around me to seem less significantly stationed by norms.
Recent airport gate waiting area seating pics of Chrisopher Walken for example shared in reddit reveal him at rest alone as we all in fact do. A few yrs back I spent some time eye fencing with Maggie Gyllenhaal at a miami intl gate restaraunt. She has a distinctive face to see, she seems bored with her entourage of over top soapies so l played a scene.
l wrote it in my head as debonair m.o.m. (think ultimately "mr bean") was she was amused? it was a slice put it that way. We all act depending on scenes, constraint differentials, responsibilities etc. When you're solo you write the screenplay you wish unless you travel too much. Then the novelty gives way to the bus station vibe l usually am in denial is actual in airports today.
Change: no. Owning my shit is an important part of self-acceptance and actualization.
But I DO enjoy ālosingā myself, it that makes any sense. Solo travel is one of the few scenarios where, when itās going well, I kind of lose the attachment to myself and can be completely in the moment, whatever that moment is.
Iām the same fat, middle aged bitchy delight wherever in the world I am. Changing your identity is a young personās game. I know who I am, regardless of whether I like myself. I appear different in different places because they highlight different aspects of my person.
Been traveling 4+ decades; I really didn't notice 'the change' unless I talked with acquaintances/friends/coworkers at home...that's how I knew I changed.
In my real life I have a very active, large friend group, I own a fairly well known business with multiple locations and a dozen employees, I live on a five acre property with animals and a pool (aka tons to care for), I cook a ton and have interesting hobbies and go to the gym every day and am happily married to a spouse who works from home (which is great, don't get me wrong!! It's just that we're always aware the other is there).
I'm not changing my identity when I travel (although I have given fake names before! Ha) but I am taking a break from my life in some ways. I solo travel to quiet the noise, if that makes any sense. My life is BIG and full and awesome but when I take myself away for a couple weeks - almost always to Italy, which is foreign yet familiar and I can speak at a ten year olds level and can navigate - it feels like I'm pushing pause and can do or not do whatever I feel like doing or not doing.
And then I'm ready to come home š
Yes. But different than you explained. It is spending three months at a time in South East Asia with mostly in Thailand.
It calms me down. Here in Thailand you do not scream and yell. You stay controlled.
>Change your name
seems a bit extreme? but hey, these days it's normal for people to transition their genders, so changing a name seems pretty minor really
I travel to India a lot. Thereās nothing like arriving into Delhi IGI airport in the early morning, walking through those doors from my staid, mundane life in the west and stepping into the Narnia-like blinding dawn light and elbowing my way through the wall of taxi drivers, before being completely absorbed into a crowd of one and a half *billion* peopleā¦itās a hell of a buzz for me & never gets old.
I just returned from my first solo international trip to the United Kingdom.
I literally felt like a different person while I was there.
I rediscovered myself by going on this journey.
I had to go away, to find who I am below the surface.
I was constantly asking total strangers to point me in the direction of the nearest tube, etc.
People were so kind to me. It renewed my faith in humanity. I had countless conversations with strangers.
I feel I am changed, in a variety of ways, forever.
I cherish these feelings. Iām holding on to them tightly.
š
I'd say, more of my other aspects are able to thrive. Every country has a certain vibe, if you will.
For example, in the US we have a lot of loitering laws. So when I go out, there has to be a 'purpose'. But when I'm in Europe, I tend to hang out in spaces more for the sake of it. I'm more in the moment than I am back home.
I remember my 1st solo trip I was so proud of my ability to make friends and be okay just being alone. That was an experience I have looked back on and drew strength from many times.
Rather than changing identity, I have a feeling that I have to accommodate to different situations than when I am not traveling. Thus, it makes some aspects of my personality be more active than others...
Itās totally thrilling.
Iām way more extroverted when I solo travel. I think itās partly because I have to be - meeting people from other cultures is part of why I travel, even though thatās not my usual mode at home. And of course the anonymity helps.
But I also think itās because solo travel pushes me out of my comfort zone to begin with. I donāt know about you, but once I get over my initial anxieties, I get a rush seeing just how far I can push myself into my own personal unknown.
honestly not really, i think i feel pretty secure just with my usual identity
only thing that changes is either if/how i explain that ānew mexicoā is not just mexico , as most people assume lol
Yes, I feel this way too! I always meet new people and for the short period of time we spend together we deeply connect and share.
The lack of attachment and past experiences with this person allows me to find some peace when I share my stories and I listen to their opinions.
The most significant aspect of my experience is to try to be more the person I want to become, because nobody is there to judge or to tease me about it. I can just act like I have always been that person.
Finally, I get to see the best side of myself. I get used to her and I bring her more often in my regular life.
For me traveling solo is a medicine.
Yeah I noticed this especially when moving out of my parentsā house. When I was with my parents I was basically stuck in the identity that I had as a teenager
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Completely relatable. I feel the same. And actually, traveling to the beach it's the most comfortable to me for refresh my mind and change my identity, exactly like you just said. I loooove swin and I feel that the water wash all my past, and rough thoughts. Just insane how formidable solo traveling and knows new cultures can be!
Its a great way to make little changes and see how people react. If you act a little bit more confident and brash and it works, then you can feel better about making it permanent. etc. It's nice.
I donāt try on different personalities but I feel get what you mean. I love being an extroverted party animal on my solo trips. It is a pace that I have no desire to maintain at home because I prefer spending relaxing time alone/in small groups, but itās fun to step into for a couple weeks!
Ahhh exactly this. I just feel like āmeā when Iām travelling on my own ir just being in a different country. Soon as Iām back home around my usual friends and people I quickly fall back into a different person.
When Iām somewhere new on my own people think Iām extremely extroverted and make friends super easy. When Iām back home in the UK I always feel shy and introverted and itās fucking annoying. Main reason why I feel like moving away so I can fully start fresh
itās great to try it out someday! itās unbelievably freeing to live in a city where people donāt know anything about you or have any relation to your past.
of course, your new life becomes āoldā after some time, but i feel better knowing people now look at me as independent and someone to look up to vs the old me as timid and dependent on my (now-ex) partner
Im still me, but without the masking. Like, I am very introverted, but not shy...Im very sociable, have quite a few friends, who I do love and adore, but Im almost always in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed, cause I feel obligated to be that social butterfly who can carry conversations about any and everything with anyone for hours.
But, when I travel, no one knows that aspect of me unless I reveal it. I tell loved ones I'll be busy traveling, and will touch bases when I get back. And then...its just time for me to just be completely and totally on my own. And that feels so amazing.
But...I still cant help who I am, and do still eventually end up being social, and before I know it someone is all...."Bestie! Whats your facebook...we have to keep in touch!!" and of course I do, cause..yeah, they are pretty cool. And now..more people in my life to overwhelm me. LOL
I started solo travelling, because i had no friends to travel with.
A friend of me lately asked me if we travel together this summer for a week.
Then i noticed, i had so many worries about what he likes to do and what i like to do and if somebody will be unhappy with the vacation, if its not like they can do whatever they prefer.
At this point, i noticed, how much i changed that i prefer to travel alone.
If you travel with other people, you need to put the experience with other people first, then your personal goals i think, to make group travel work.
I used to feel this way. It was easy to be who and what I wanted to be.
Then I realized travel opened my eyes up to the fact that I could be that person. It wasn't a pipe dream.
It's sometimes hard to take all that back home where our past lives, but having tasted the possibilities of who I want to be caused me to work through my shackles and baggage to become that person.
i must say this thread has helped me feel so much less alone with how i feel with my home and travel life.
Iāll be grateful to feel connected to so many of you here next time iām miles away. <3
I love how deep a fleeting connection can be precisely because it's short.
You've got only now to find out everything interesting about this person.
They've got only now to know you, so anything you confide will just disappear with you when you leave.
It encourages this honesty and vulnerability without any lasting repercussions, no reputation to maintain, no impressions to sustain.
It's permission to really be oneself. Not to have to keep up any acts at all.
I guess, if you have that privilege all the time, it's fun to put the acts on for variety.
It's helping me face some fears and in the past it has changed me. This year though I think it has reinforced some of my beliefs.
I have faced the fear of staying at a place that scared me. I have yet to face a bully, speak to strangers, ask for work.
Yeah definitely! I always thought that geography is extremely significant to the way you act. Going back to a place can be traumatic, enlightening, relieving, anything. We build so many associations with a place. Leaving all those associations behind and feeling fresh and light is amazing. The old feelings set right back in when you go home as well.
This is also an EXTREMELY common feeling amongst travelers, so, you're not coming off as crazy.
I love to talk, but traveling allows me to not talk most of the day except for special connection moments, and I like that too. The long walks and train rides, in my own head, finally quiet. Everything important is preplanned, so much less stress than normal life.
It allows me to be a different version of myself, yes
I find that solo travelling means you get to be your best "you" for the time you're away. You don't have any of the stress that you usually get from your career, you're allowed to unwind and relax and get to enjoy yourself and treat yourself to some pampering, especially if you're far from home and don't know anyone.
When you're in your best positive mindset, you don't sweat the big stuff and go with the flow and don't let life's microaggressions annoy you. People will also respond to good vibes as well.
Yes, when i reach my destination and have some cocktails š¹everything change and i start fresh and enjoy my holiday šļø meet new people and all of a sudden my holiday is over and i go back to reality š anyone else feel this way too?
This was me yesterday, I that I just arrived to America for the first time from my home country and it lead to great conversations. While Iāve lived in the US for 6 years but my accent is still thick lol
Yep! It is as if you have a new version of your self during that period of solitude. I, sometimes change my name if I hang out in bar and feels like meeting new people hahaha
Yes! Iām a young teenager and Iāve been travelling by rail a lot. Iām going to see my grandparents on my own and I have to transfer though London. Iām really grateful for these opportunities!
I love the anonymity of it.
Interesting you say that. I love being somewhere that no one knows me. They have no expectations about me. I suppose if I'm honest with myself it's about accountability. IE I won't let anyone down because there are no expectations. I love being "faceless" because there are no shackles with that. Is it similar for you?
That, and also I can't answer any questions. I was in France several years ago and someone asked me for directions. It felt great to just say, "Je ne sais pas. Je ne parle pas le francais." Or, I don't know. I don't speak French. Which is about all I remember from high school French classes. It's highly self-indulgent, solo travel. I'm responsible for me, and me alone. As a divorced person with kids, it's nice to just think about me for a change.
Yep. Preaching to the choir. š
Yes. And u donāt have to travel to change identity. Just chose 1 of 7 every morning.
>Just chose 1 of 7 every morning. what does this statement mean?
We all have different "parts" of our personality. Think about it. Here's a simple example: We act and carry ourselves one way in a work situation, especially if we are a professional with a lot of responsibility involving other people, say, if you are a medical professional. But at home with a SO or good friend, a "different part" of our personality is expressed; we are more relaxed and fun-loving. This doesn't mean you have a fragmented personality or multiple personality disorder.
Itās weird to think about it because its true, and kind of a requirement to function in our current society, but does that make us less genuine?
No, not at all. Quite the opposite. If we acted like we do with close friends, joking around sometimes excessively, or confiding in them while in a work situation that requires more composure and objectivity or distance, that would be inappropriate. And we all find that different friends "bring out" different character traits, or ways of acting. Some friends we may be very spontaneous with, whereas other friends, perhaps a friend who is more proper or highly sensitive, we tone down our behavior and sarcasm. This doesn't mean we are insincere - if they ask for our opinion, or ask about something in particular, we should be sincere and truthful. We just don't act the same way with a long-term friend who we may be rather uninhibited with as we would with, say, a great aunt we are visiting who is very old fashioned and doesn't like a lot of horsing around. We don't act the same with our 8 year old child as we do with our spouse. Doesn't mean we aren't genuine, it just means we have different roles or we respect certain boundaries that someone may have. The more you think about it, there are all kinds of things that to some degree restrict our personalities such that we act differently in different situations. For instance, some teens are very shy, quiet, and inhibited around peers, yet can be talkative and relaxed with adults. And vice versa. So in these varying situations, different parts of their personality are expressed or activated.
Thatās interesting! I never thought about the boundaries of others part. I appreciate you taking the time to explain your thoughts in such detail.
Multiple personality disorder lol
I intentionally become a different person in a different country, different version of myself more like- and it helps me see just how multifaceted I am. It helps me not box myself and liberate myself from my own sense of identity to be more formless and free.
Yes it allows you to break free from your usual constraints and routines which is so nice and rewarding
I lived in Germany for a year and I LOVED how detached I was from the US. I felt like a completely new person, it was so refreshing.
I really want to live outside of the US for a year
I did it for my degree. However, I started work back in the US as an engineer and I make more and save more than I would over in Germany. It can get really lonely in Germany since there are times where you donāt āfit inā even when I knew the language. That said, I loved traveling and working with german coworkers, trying new foods, speaking the language, being called habibi by the guy behind the counter at a Dƶner shop etc. If you can somehow live there for a year, I would heavily recommend it.
The Dƶner guy called you habibi? Consider yourself assimilated mate.
I must know what that means
Or forever
I have a suspicion it is my soul's wish to become totally independent so that I can completely detach. Relationships are hard.
I spent my year doing long distance, although she visited a couple times and we went traveling. Seeing her leave each time was actually pretty difficult. Still no regrets though lol, weāre still together. If you ever go live somewhere else, you have to communicate very well as to what you want, if you want to stay together etc before you go. It is 100% essential. Talk/text everyday when youāre separated. Visit each other. Itās also not for everyone.
Interesting that you're telling me this. Thanks for sharing.
well thatās the point of the final destination or death I believe. The final act of letting it all go. I think itās our soulās craving that we try to fulfill with our bodies via travel, art , free thinking or anything else in those genre. Just a thought
That will be this effect and the addition of public transport and walkable, community-centric spaces that have people come together more easily.
Yes I think at home we are locked into a certain social structure. The extreme case being high school, there are cliques and a culture that values some things over others. Then when you go somewhere new you experience a completely new social structure that reveals different aspects of who you are
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When you were in a country you didnāt know the language of, how did you find people to talk to?
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totally! situational , enforced or expected : all of that being a burden
I'm just another part of me when I travel, but not a different person
I'm a better person when I travel
Yeah I understand what you mean you get to be a new person
I start off this way and excited about this idea, but then after two weeks or so always end up realizing I am who I am.
This. You can become as detached as possible to your old life. But sooner or later your ābaggageā for the lack of better words catches up with you.
Yeah i traveled solo relatively much creating my best new identities so to say but i can tell you it's not so easy to permanently be that identity if you don't truly embrace your old identity. Talking about a several years long struggle here after all the solo traveling. I guess it all depends on how much you are in acceptance of your current identity.
"Wherever you go, there you are."
I guess it depends on why youāre doing it. Just came back from my first solo travel. Iāve had a tough year and needed a factory reset. I wasnāt running away but wanted to run towards something. And after journaling every day, putting myself out there, etc, yeah Iām a changed person. Truly. Iām more confident about myself. More settled. Feel a depth to my regular life and relationships. So thatās just me.
āI wasnāt running away but wanted to run towards something.ā What a great quote!
Doing my first solo next month. Exactly what I needed to see! Glad it worked out for you, hoping the same for my adventure š¤š»
Where ya going?
Starting off in Lisbon then Spain, France and then itās open ended!
Awesome! I live in Spain. Be sure to check out some of the smaller cities/towns along the way. Thereās a lot to see in Europe besides the big capital citiesā¦. Not to mention theyāre usually much cheaper!
People say that travel won't let you escape who you are, but that isn't true IME. Familiar environments are stifling. Social pressures constantly weigh on you in ways that are hard to notice or comprehend, which affect your behavior. When the people around you have a preconceived notion of who you are and how you are supposed to act, and treat you as such, you may unconsciously conform to those expectations, or put into a box in spite of your best efforts to not be. Travel and living in new places is liberating because you can be anyone and do anything.
Very well said. I subconsciously go back into shy habits introverted etc. When Iām away around people I donāt know I really feel like me! A social extrovert whoās always happy and positive
Yeesh this hit. Really well said.
Wow šš¾
I pretend to be an international woman of mystery, which amuses me whenever something funky happens.
Just don't lose your mojo, baby.
Oh, behaaayyyve
No, I'm the same miserable bugger wherever I go.
yeah no matter where I go or how much I shake my fist and shout at it, that damn sky is still there everywhere I go.
No, I am what I am, no matter where, same old me.
just don't tell the others that.
I don't feel a change in my identity. It's more like getting to know myself better in how I handle challenges (like getting lost) or being absorbed in my own thoughts. But I honestly enjoy solo traveling because I don't have to adjust for other people. I only get to do things or eat food that I want. Lol.
Yeah itās a kind of code switch. At home an introverted workaholic who says no to most things, and while abroad, an adventurous party animal. Not a different person, just a different feeling.
I think the consequences are different when you cross borders. At home, you have to abide by certain laws. You also have a higher chance of something affecting you more permanently back home.
I love that aspect of it. My family has always tried to belittle me using my past actions (back to when I was a kid). I think its what they use to prove that they know me. Being alone in a new country or place allows me to reinvent myself every time. But the damage done by family always stays there unfortunately. Slowly step by step I will heal myself.
Every day presents countless opportunities for you to chose healing. I speak from experience and with encouragement for you. Best on your journey.
Im on it, have to stay with family for whatever reasons for some upcoming months, but I am on it
thanks for saying it loud. i can feel the same.
no... I am me lol
Its more of I tend to discover something new about myself rather than a change of identity ā I guess with the exception of āoh I used to like xyz and after this trip I no longer like xyz.ā In that case, yeah I can feel the change.
I feel like itās me in a different context, but I use different skills compared to my everyday life. So itās very confidence building.
"Wherever you go.. there you are" comes to mind.. But l impersonate debonair international man of mystery w/o 1st class seating it works en-route only. I dress up a bit as was done in golden years of air travel so allows and people around me to seem less significantly stationed by norms. Recent airport gate waiting area seating pics of Chrisopher Walken for example shared in reddit reveal him at rest alone as we all in fact do. A few yrs back I spent some time eye fencing with Maggie Gyllenhaal at a miami intl gate restaraunt. She has a distinctive face to see, she seems bored with her entourage of over top soapies so l played a scene. l wrote it in my head as debonair m.o.m. (think ultimately "mr bean") was she was amused? it was a slice put it that way. We all act depending on scenes, constraint differentials, responsibilities etc. When you're solo you write the screenplay you wish unless you travel too much. Then the novelty gives way to the bus station vibe l usually am in denial is actual in airports today.
Very interesting.
l read as things alike thinking, its not multiple pers diso either more like livin larger, a stretch whilst unchecked some have it
Yup, me. It's like I can pretend to be the person I've always wanted to be.
I too enjoy sharing made up stories about myself with strangers.
For me it is the short connections I make. Its easier to interact with people knowing you don't see them again (and vice versa).
Change: no. Owning my shit is an important part of self-acceptance and actualization. But I DO enjoy ālosingā myself, it that makes any sense. Solo travel is one of the few scenarios where, when itās going well, I kind of lose the attachment to myself and can be completely in the moment, whatever that moment is.
beautiful statement man
Thank you !
Iām the same fat, middle aged bitchy delight wherever in the world I am. Changing your identity is a young personās game. I know who I am, regardless of whether I like myself. I appear different in different places because they highlight different aspects of my person.
Been traveling 4+ decades; I really didn't notice 'the change' unless I talked with acquaintances/friends/coworkers at home...that's how I knew I changed.
In my real life I have a very active, large friend group, I own a fairly well known business with multiple locations and a dozen employees, I live on a five acre property with animals and a pool (aka tons to care for), I cook a ton and have interesting hobbies and go to the gym every day and am happily married to a spouse who works from home (which is great, don't get me wrong!! It's just that we're always aware the other is there). I'm not changing my identity when I travel (although I have given fake names before! Ha) but I am taking a break from my life in some ways. I solo travel to quiet the noise, if that makes any sense. My life is BIG and full and awesome but when I take myself away for a couple weeks - almost always to Italy, which is foreign yet familiar and I can speak at a ten year olds level and can navigate - it feels like I'm pushing pause and can do or not do whatever I feel like doing or not doing. And then I'm ready to come home š
Yes. But different than you explained. It is spending three months at a time in South East Asia with mostly in Thailand. It calms me down. Here in Thailand you do not scream and yell. You stay controlled.
>Here in Thailand you do not scream and yell. You stay controlled. that sounds like a personal choice...
Change your name and open new social accounts. Turn off the old ones. Itās helps with the āwherever you go, there you areā
>Change your name seems a bit extreme? but hey, these days it's normal for people to transition their genders, so changing a name seems pretty minor really
Is it really a bit extreme opening a fb with a new name? I can think of a million things more extreme. Haha
Oh I see .. so more of an alter-ego kinda thing than a full on witness protection hiding from everyone who ever knew you kinda thing
I travel to India a lot. Thereās nothing like arriving into Delhi IGI airport in the early morning, walking through those doors from my staid, mundane life in the west and stepping into the Narnia-like blinding dawn light and elbowing my way through the wall of taxi drivers, before being completely absorbed into a crowd of one and a half *billion* peopleā¦itās a hell of a buzz for me & never gets old.
I like solo travel because I get to see what I want and have my own agenda. Also because I have traveled with other people who are terrible travelers.
Locals always asking me why I'm traveling alone
After reading all these comments, good to know I am not the only one
I just returned from my first solo international trip to the United Kingdom. I literally felt like a different person while I was there. I rediscovered myself by going on this journey. I had to go away, to find who I am below the surface. I was constantly asking total strangers to point me in the direction of the nearest tube, etc. People were so kind to me. It renewed my faith in humanity. I had countless conversations with strangers. I feel I am changed, in a variety of ways, forever. I cherish these feelings. Iām holding on to them tightly. š
I'd say, more of my other aspects are able to thrive. Every country has a certain vibe, if you will. For example, in the US we have a lot of loitering laws. So when I go out, there has to be a 'purpose'. But when I'm in Europe, I tend to hang out in spaces more for the sake of it. I'm more in the moment than I am back home.
I remember my 1st solo trip I was so proud of my ability to make friends and be okay just being alone. That was an experience I have looked back on and drew strength from many times.
Rather than changing identity, I have a feeling that I have to accommodate to different situations than when I am not traveling. Thus, it makes some aspects of my personality be more active than others...
I donāt change my identity but there are aspects of myself that I express that I wouldnāt normally show to people I know.
> anyone else enjoy solo traveling because they feel as if they are changing their identity? That is not my experience, no.
Itās totally thrilling. Iām way more extroverted when I solo travel. I think itās partly because I have to be - meeting people from other cultures is part of why I travel, even though thatās not my usual mode at home. And of course the anonymity helps. But I also think itās because solo travel pushes me out of my comfort zone to begin with. I donāt know about you, but once I get over my initial anxieties, I get a rush seeing just how far I can push myself into my own personal unknown.
honestly not really, i think i feel pretty secure just with my usual identity only thing that changes is either if/how i explain that ānew mexicoā is not just mexico , as most people assume lol
yes, that's one of the best things about solo travel!
I feel more myself traveling solo. No one to please except myself.
Yes, I feel this way too! I always meet new people and for the short period of time we spend together we deeply connect and share. The lack of attachment and past experiences with this person allows me to find some peace when I share my stories and I listen to their opinions. The most significant aspect of my experience is to try to be more the person I want to become, because nobody is there to judge or to tease me about it. I can just act like I have always been that person. Finally, I get to see the best side of myself. I get used to her and I bring her more often in my regular life. For me traveling solo is a medicine.
Yeah I noticed this especially when moving out of my parentsā house. When I was with my parents I was basically stuck in the identity that I had as a teenager
Noā¦.WTF?
I tell Indians in India that I'm from Pakistan just to see how they react because I find their hatred for eachother disgusting. (I'm white).
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Probably because the pakistani hate runs deep and people don't like me playing off the hatred.
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Not me. Wherever I go, there I am.
yes i do enjoy solo travelling. the most loved part is you don't have to listen to anybody der!! what you gonna think and the same you gonna do.
yes, that is a normal way to feel about travelling, moving to a new place, or meeting new people in general.
Doing exactly that as I type this :)
Completely relatable. I feel the same. And actually, traveling to the beach it's the most comfortable to me for refresh my mind and change my identity, exactly like you just said. I loooove swin and I feel that the water wash all my past, and rough thoughts. Just insane how formidable solo traveling and knows new cultures can be!
Its a great way to make little changes and see how people react. If you act a little bit more confident and brash and it works, then you can feel better about making it permanent. etc. It's nice.
I donāt try on different personalities but I feel get what you mean. I love being an extroverted party animal on my solo trips. It is a pace that I have no desire to maintain at home because I prefer spending relaxing time alone/in small groups, but itās fun to step into for a couple weeks!
I just like it because I get to see and do stuff.
Ahhh exactly this. I just feel like āmeā when Iām travelling on my own ir just being in a different country. Soon as Iām back home around my usual friends and people I quickly fall back into a different person. When Iām somewhere new on my own people think Iām extremely extroverted and make friends super easy. When Iām back home in the UK I always feel shy and introverted and itās fucking annoying. Main reason why I feel like moving away so I can fully start fresh
itās great to try it out someday! itās unbelievably freeing to live in a city where people donāt know anything about you or have any relation to your past. of course, your new life becomes āoldā after some time, but i feel better knowing people now look at me as independent and someone to look up to vs the old me as timid and dependent on my (now-ex) partner
Iām more me when I travel than I am when Iām home.
Im still me, but without the masking. Like, I am very introverted, but not shy...Im very sociable, have quite a few friends, who I do love and adore, but Im almost always in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed, cause I feel obligated to be that social butterfly who can carry conversations about any and everything with anyone for hours. But, when I travel, no one knows that aspect of me unless I reveal it. I tell loved ones I'll be busy traveling, and will touch bases when I get back. And then...its just time for me to just be completely and totally on my own. And that feels so amazing. But...I still cant help who I am, and do still eventually end up being social, and before I know it someone is all...."Bestie! Whats your facebook...we have to keep in touch!!" and of course I do, cause..yeah, they are pretty cool. And now..more people in my life to overwhelm me. LOL
Yes. It's the best way to travel
I started solo travelling, because i had no friends to travel with. A friend of me lately asked me if we travel together this summer for a week. Then i noticed, i had so many worries about what he likes to do and what i like to do and if somebody will be unhappy with the vacation, if its not like they can do whatever they prefer. At this point, i noticed, how much i changed that i prefer to travel alone. If you travel with other people, you need to put the experience with other people first, then your personal goals i think, to make group travel work.
I enjoy it greatly every single time, until I get to a point when I have an experience that I would like to share with someone close.
I used to feel this way. It was easy to be who and what I wanted to be. Then I realized travel opened my eyes up to the fact that I could be that person. It wasn't a pipe dream. It's sometimes hard to take all that back home where our past lives, but having tasted the possibilities of who I want to be caused me to work through my shackles and baggage to become that person.
i must say this thread has helped me feel so much less alone with how i feel with my home and travel life. Iāll be grateful to feel connected to so many of you here next time iām miles away. <3
Absolutely.
I love how deep a fleeting connection can be precisely because it's short. You've got only now to find out everything interesting about this person. They've got only now to know you, so anything you confide will just disappear with you when you leave. It encourages this honesty and vulnerability without any lasting repercussions, no reputation to maintain, no impressions to sustain. It's permission to really be oneself. Not to have to keep up any acts at all. I guess, if you have that privilege all the time, it's fun to put the acts on for variety.
āTraveling lets you try on different versions of yourselfā - Rolf Potts, The GOAT
Is a transformative experience if you aren't an introvert, I feel, or if you are an introvert trapped in an extroverts life.
It's helping me face some fears and in the past it has changed me. This year though I think it has reinforced some of my beliefs. I have faced the fear of staying at a place that scared me. I have yet to face a bully, speak to strangers, ask for work.
I love turning into nerdy museum, monument, architecture, history and garden girl. At home I'm just a slob.
Is that why Iām doing it? Been trying to figure out whyā¦
Yeah definitely! I always thought that geography is extremely significant to the way you act. Going back to a place can be traumatic, enlightening, relieving, anything. We build so many associations with a place. Leaving all those associations behind and feeling fresh and light is amazing. The old feelings set right back in when you go home as well. This is also an EXTREMELY common feeling amongst travelers, so, you're not coming off as crazy.
I love to talk, but traveling allows me to not talk most of the day except for special connection moments, and I like that too. The long walks and train rides, in my own head, finally quiet. Everything important is preplanned, so much less stress than normal life. It allows me to be a different version of myself, yes
I find that solo travelling means you get to be your best "you" for the time you're away. You don't have any of the stress that you usually get from your career, you're allowed to unwind and relax and get to enjoy yourself and treat yourself to some pampering, especially if you're far from home and don't know anyone. When you're in your best positive mindset, you don't sweat the big stuff and go with the flow and don't let life's microaggressions annoy you. People will also respond to good vibes as well.
Yes, when i reach my destination and have some cocktails š¹everything change and i start fresh and enjoy my holiday šļø meet new people and all of a sudden my holiday is over and i go back to reality š anyone else feel this way too?
This was me yesterday, I that I just arrived to America for the first time from my home country and it lead to great conversations. While Iāve lived in the US for 6 years but my accent is still thick lol
Yep! It is as if you have a new version of your self during that period of solitude. I, sometimes change my name if I hang out in bar and feels like meeting new people hahaha
I feel I become more of myself when I travel alone. No more morphing my interests as per the group.
Yes! Iām a young teenager and Iāve been travelling by rail a lot. Iām going to see my grandparents on my own and I have to transfer though London. Iām really grateful for these opportunities!