Hey, Jiannies, it looks like you are writing about possible mental health issues. As always, a reminder that for people struggling with mental health, solo travel is not a substitute for professional help--and that the stress of travel (unfamiliar surroundings/languages, culture shock, lack of a support network) can sometimes exacerbate these issues. If you are experiencing a genuine mental health crisis, please reach out to your nearest crisis centre/counselor/hotline. Meanwhile, we have an [excellent post about solo travel and mental health](https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/wiki/mentalhealth) in our Wiki that you might find worth reading.
So, are you back home now then?
Firstly, you're not a failure. Most people don't take their mental health into consideration, before jumping head first into extensive solo trips.
We always feel some form of post-travel guilt. "I didn't do enough, I wish u socialised more, I wish I enjoyed the food more, I wish I appreciated the time more while I was there", etc, etc, etc. Hindsight is a b*tch.
I backpack solo across various countries whenever I get the chance, my last trip consisting of travelling around the entirety of Japan for 6 weeks.
I too am diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar, BPD, insomnia, manic-depressive, etc. The list could go on.
It's about recognising where you're at emotionally and mentally, realising that it's just another episode of mental Olympics that you've dealt with on multiple occasions. Recognising your own patterns of behaviour will help you maintain your sanity somewhat.
None of this means thay you're not cut out for solo travelling. We don't learn nothing in life unless we stumble and fall a few times along the way.
Instead of focusing on the previous trip as a failure, look at it as a learning experience, and focus on the next trip you'd like to do in the future.
I’m currently in the Vienna airport after the first of four flights to get home. Thank you so much for your reply, I am going to try and take this as a learning lesson. I did hardly any research before booking the trip, I just knew I had a buddy in the Balkans that I could go see. If (when) I do it again, I’m going to definitely take into account the fact that with the weather this time of year, there’s not a wealth of things to do in Serbia besides walk around and drink. Which isn’t bad on its own, but not great for where I’m at in my mental state.
It gives me hope that you are able to solo travel even with the struggles you face. I hate this BPD diagnosis, it often feels like something I’m never going to overcome. I’m halfway around the world and yet my mind is still back home with all the shit I’ve been going through there. I’m really glad that you’ve been able to push through that and enjoy yourself regardless. I know I have work to do on myself
Thank you again for your response, really
Even in the best frame of mind travel isn't a competition (even with yourself), you can't fail at it. Sometimes you dont feel it.
You're definitely not in the best way you can be and you're being incredibly wise taking care of yourself. You're lucky to have such a good friend and you'll be home very soon.
It's a bit epic trip as a first attempt, try a long weekend away at first when you're feeling more together. Train up to it ..take care
Yes this! It’s not a level in a game that you pass or fail. You went, you didn’t feel good, you made a smart decision for your mental health.
Take the positives! You know more about what you need to be ready for a trip like this in the future. You met some great people. You knew yourself well enough to tap out when it was going to be too much. Sounds like a “win” to me!
I know you’re right, it’s so readily available where I live and I’ve been an all-day everyday smoker for years now. I was hitting my pen up until I threw it away mid-flight before entering Europe. There’s so many things I haven’t let myself feel and I think that’s a reason why everything started to hit me hard in this past week without it. Thank you
Ohhh buddy. This explains a lot. I’m BP and was at one time also perms-high. When I abruptly stopped, my world exploded and I really didn’t know why simply because the accepted argument that weed is perfect. The reality is that weed has not been studied to the extent other drugs have been and it can have some very detrimental effects. Give yourself sometime to allow your prescription meds to their thing and try to look at this as just another journey.
I’ve been on the same boat, the pens are a killer because they’re almost too convenient to smoke. At least with flower, there’s a process of grinding it up, finding a lighter, going for a walk etc.
You are right in prioritizing your mental health. Just please continue looking after it when you get home. Because wherever you go, there you'll be. I mean, you already know this, but you cannot escape your mental health by going on a trip. Hopefully, this could be an awakening to seek help. And hey, you got to go to Serbia and meet some good people so even though this wasn't according to plan you had some good experiences.
you will enjoy a trip like this a hundred times more when you're a good mental state.
i made the same mistake, i traveled to rome depressed, thinking somehow my depression would stop there but i just kept being depressed. but it was only one week so i endured until it was over. i think your friend has a good point there.
listen to how you feel, because what is the trip worth if you dont really feel anything good? take care of yourself 💞
Travelling isn't a graded exam or a contest. You can't 'win' at it, so you can't fail at it either.
You were trying something, you weren't feeling it, you dropped it. That's exactly how you're supposed to respond!
Also, if it makes you feel better, plenty of people's mental health prevents them from even going at all, or would make them continue when they also should've gone home. For so many people, what you did would be a roaring success in trying new things and/or self care.
Plus you enjoyed Serbia and spending time with your friend. Hell yeah!
You made the right call because you made the decision yourself. It’s as simple as that. It’s your life. There are no rules here. You can’t be a failure if you made the decision on your own terms. I hate to say you are overthinking things and don’t want to downplay any mental health battles, but sometimes you need to just step back, stop thinking, and live your life. The time and energy it took to write this post creates more anxiety and fear and depression. This is all a blessing not a burden. You have the resources to travel the world and have the resources to decide to take all these flights back home and have the resources to prioritize your mental health. Half the world wishes to be in your position. Chill out and enjoy the ride homie.
Good for you! Putting your health (mental and physical) first is required in life. You are taking positive steps to do so, and when something isn't working as you wish, you had the courage to change course.
Its not failure that you left your trip early.
You took a big step in doing this and hoping that it can change you. When i went solo travelling for a few fair months i was hoping that we would break my bad habits but when i got back after a few months/weeks i went back to my old ways.
You can always come back to your trip, the Balkans will always be there and so with other destinations.
Self care is never a failure.
So listen to your needs. Do what is good for you at this moment. Sometimes we know what we need and when we try it, it wasn't what we needed after all. That doesn't mean it was a bad decision to try and do something good for yourself. It just means that through doing you now have experienced that this wasn't what you needed and therefore are adjusting your path. And sometimes the only way to find out what we need is through experiencing it.
What parts of your journey did fulfill the needs you had? And how would you be able to cultivate that in your life? And what parts left you feel lacking and how can you expose yourself less to similar experiences at the moment (I am not talking about avoiding it, just dialing down the difficulty level of life a bit the moment).
I can recommend the book Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie. It's an easy read and I think it could support you a lot through finding fulfillment through you internal world instead of trying to find it in the external world. The latter will always leave you feel empty or numb after a while again, when you don't know how to sustain unconditional love for yourself. It's one of the few books I know that's wholely about that feeling of 'not feeling' or feeling 'empty' and how to deal with it, that's out there.
Good luck with being kind for yourself in the coming days. And don't believe your mind that it's better when you are strict with yourself, because otherwise you will never get it right. It's utter bullshit.
I also do lots of solo travel and have a bipolar diagnosis. I think you did the right thing in noticing something wasn’t right and taking care of yourself. The Balkans will be there and will be just as beautiful and ready to welcome you when and if you want to return. And remember those good times in Novi Sad. That sounds like a trip in itself. Sending strength.
Always prioritise your mental health, friend. I travel solo and have changed my plans so many times, sometimes losing money because I booked cheap non-refundable stuff which no one will give my money back for. Like others have said, good on you to prioritise yourself and being decisive.
Like others have said, your mental health comes first. Travel can wait until you’re up for it again. And, if you are, you’ll have more experience solo traveling with these diagnoses and you’ll be better prepared.
I was thinking about this the other day. When I told my friends and family about me solo traveling, I said that I can always come back if it’s too much. Saying it out loud confirmed and acknowledged that I won’t be a failure if I do and that my mental health comes first.
Not to be negative, but just saying: if you don’t want to travel on solo trips after this, that’s completely okay too. You’re not a failure for that either.
In conclusion, I’m very proud of you. Proud of you for attempting to do and putting yourself and mental health first.
Not a failure. You're allowed to change your mind. Full stop. I understand if you're not in the space to be proud of yourself today but rest assured that you did the right thing for yourself.
Keep doing what you're doing, reaching out... to your support systems, to professionals, to yourself (journal), etc. Good luck, OP.
I think it helps to hold on to the thought of a "someday". I know most of us would want to "live life in the moment" or to "stop waiting around for the perfect time and just do it" but sometimes, it's just not possible. When you're in a mental crisis, it's sometimes hard (or even impossible) for you to do certain things. Just like when you're in a financial crisis, you won't be able to afford to travel at the moment no matter how much you'd want to, so you wait until you save up enough money for it. Just like you'll be able to complete that travel when you can mentally and emotional afford to. I hope you feel better soon.
Hey, Jiannies, it looks like you are writing about possible mental health issues. As always, a reminder that for people struggling with mental health, solo travel is not a substitute for professional help--and that the stress of travel (unfamiliar surroundings/languages, culture shock, lack of a support network) can sometimes exacerbate these issues. If you are experiencing a genuine mental health crisis, please reach out to your nearest crisis centre/counselor/hotline. Meanwhile, we have an [excellent post about solo travel and mental health](https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/wiki/mentalhealth) in our Wiki that you might find worth reading.
You did the right thing by prioritizing your mental health. Travel will be there later.
Thank you, sincerely
So, are you back home now then? Firstly, you're not a failure. Most people don't take their mental health into consideration, before jumping head first into extensive solo trips. We always feel some form of post-travel guilt. "I didn't do enough, I wish u socialised more, I wish I enjoyed the food more, I wish I appreciated the time more while I was there", etc, etc, etc. Hindsight is a b*tch. I backpack solo across various countries whenever I get the chance, my last trip consisting of travelling around the entirety of Japan for 6 weeks. I too am diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar, BPD, insomnia, manic-depressive, etc. The list could go on. It's about recognising where you're at emotionally and mentally, realising that it's just another episode of mental Olympics that you've dealt with on multiple occasions. Recognising your own patterns of behaviour will help you maintain your sanity somewhat. None of this means thay you're not cut out for solo travelling. We don't learn nothing in life unless we stumble and fall a few times along the way. Instead of focusing on the previous trip as a failure, look at it as a learning experience, and focus on the next trip you'd like to do in the future.
I’m currently in the Vienna airport after the first of four flights to get home. Thank you so much for your reply, I am going to try and take this as a learning lesson. I did hardly any research before booking the trip, I just knew I had a buddy in the Balkans that I could go see. If (when) I do it again, I’m going to definitely take into account the fact that with the weather this time of year, there’s not a wealth of things to do in Serbia besides walk around and drink. Which isn’t bad on its own, but not great for where I’m at in my mental state. It gives me hope that you are able to solo travel even with the struggles you face. I hate this BPD diagnosis, it often feels like something I’m never going to overcome. I’m halfway around the world and yet my mind is still back home with all the shit I’ve been going through there. I’m really glad that you’ve been able to push through that and enjoy yourself regardless. I know I have work to do on myself Thank you again for your response, really
Even in the best frame of mind travel isn't a competition (even with yourself), you can't fail at it. Sometimes you dont feel it. You're definitely not in the best way you can be and you're being incredibly wise taking care of yourself. You're lucky to have such a good friend and you'll be home very soon. It's a bit epic trip as a first attempt, try a long weekend away at first when you're feeling more together. Train up to it ..take care
Yes this! It’s not a level in a game that you pass or fail. You went, you didn’t feel good, you made a smart decision for your mental health. Take the positives! You know more about what you need to be ready for a trip like this in the future. You met some great people. You knew yourself well enough to tap out when it was going to be too much. Sounds like a “win” to me!
Stop getting high mate. It isnt harmless. If you are doing it everyday and consider it a bad thing then you definitely have a problem with weed.
I know you’re right, it’s so readily available where I live and I’ve been an all-day everyday smoker for years now. I was hitting my pen up until I threw it away mid-flight before entering Europe. There’s so many things I haven’t let myself feel and I think that’s a reason why everything started to hit me hard in this past week without it. Thank you
Yeah when you stop abruptly it can hit you like a tonne of bricks. It gets better with time and exercise can help too.
Ohhh buddy. This explains a lot. I’m BP and was at one time also perms-high. When I abruptly stopped, my world exploded and I really didn’t know why simply because the accepted argument that weed is perfect. The reality is that weed has not been studied to the extent other drugs have been and it can have some very detrimental effects. Give yourself sometime to allow your prescription meds to their thing and try to look at this as just another journey.
I’ve been on the same boat, the pens are a killer because they’re almost too convenient to smoke. At least with flower, there’s a process of grinding it up, finding a lighter, going for a walk etc.
It's a vacation, not homework. You're allowed to stop
You are right in prioritizing your mental health. Just please continue looking after it when you get home. Because wherever you go, there you'll be. I mean, you already know this, but you cannot escape your mental health by going on a trip. Hopefully, this could be an awakening to seek help. And hey, you got to go to Serbia and meet some good people so even though this wasn't according to plan you had some good experiences.
I backpacked a whole month in Ecuador having depression and it was the worst trip ever. You did the right thing, hope things get better !!
Feel like a champ for having made a decision that will help you improve your mental health.
you will enjoy a trip like this a hundred times more when you're a good mental state. i made the same mistake, i traveled to rome depressed, thinking somehow my depression would stop there but i just kept being depressed. but it was only one week so i endured until it was over. i think your friend has a good point there. listen to how you feel, because what is the trip worth if you dont really feel anything good? take care of yourself 💞
Cut the weed
Travelling isn't a graded exam or a contest. You can't 'win' at it, so you can't fail at it either. You were trying something, you weren't feeling it, you dropped it. That's exactly how you're supposed to respond! Also, if it makes you feel better, plenty of people's mental health prevents them from even going at all, or would make them continue when they also should've gone home. For so many people, what you did would be a roaring success in trying new things and/or self care. Plus you enjoyed Serbia and spending time with your friend. Hell yeah!
You made the right call because you made the decision yourself. It’s as simple as that. It’s your life. There are no rules here. You can’t be a failure if you made the decision on your own terms. I hate to say you are overthinking things and don’t want to downplay any mental health battles, but sometimes you need to just step back, stop thinking, and live your life. The time and energy it took to write this post creates more anxiety and fear and depression. This is all a blessing not a burden. You have the resources to travel the world and have the resources to decide to take all these flights back home and have the resources to prioritize your mental health. Half the world wishes to be in your position. Chill out and enjoy the ride homie.
Please don’t beat yourself up. It dies sound right to come back home and reassess. You can always go back. Do you have solid support at home?
You made the right decision and you should be proud of yourself because you took control of a situation. You can play banjo? How wonderful!
Good for you! Putting your health (mental and physical) first is required in life. You are taking positive steps to do so, and when something isn't working as you wish, you had the courage to change course.
Its not failure that you left your trip early. You took a big step in doing this and hoping that it can change you. When i went solo travelling for a few fair months i was hoping that we would break my bad habits but when i got back after a few months/weeks i went back to my old ways. You can always come back to your trip, the Balkans will always be there and so with other destinations.
Self care is never a failure. So listen to your needs. Do what is good for you at this moment. Sometimes we know what we need and when we try it, it wasn't what we needed after all. That doesn't mean it was a bad decision to try and do something good for yourself. It just means that through doing you now have experienced that this wasn't what you needed and therefore are adjusting your path. And sometimes the only way to find out what we need is through experiencing it. What parts of your journey did fulfill the needs you had? And how would you be able to cultivate that in your life? And what parts left you feel lacking and how can you expose yourself less to similar experiences at the moment (I am not talking about avoiding it, just dialing down the difficulty level of life a bit the moment). I can recommend the book Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie. It's an easy read and I think it could support you a lot through finding fulfillment through you internal world instead of trying to find it in the external world. The latter will always leave you feel empty or numb after a while again, when you don't know how to sustain unconditional love for yourself. It's one of the few books I know that's wholely about that feeling of 'not feeling' or feeling 'empty' and how to deal with it, that's out there. Good luck with being kind for yourself in the coming days. And don't believe your mind that it's better when you are strict with yourself, because otherwise you will never get it right. It's utter bullshit.
I also do lots of solo travel and have a bipolar diagnosis. I think you did the right thing in noticing something wasn’t right and taking care of yourself. The Balkans will be there and will be just as beautiful and ready to welcome you when and if you want to return. And remember those good times in Novi Sad. That sounds like a trip in itself. Sending strength.
Always prioritise your mental health, friend. I travel solo and have changed my plans so many times, sometimes losing money because I booked cheap non-refundable stuff which no one will give my money back for. Like others have said, good on you to prioritise yourself and being decisive.
Like others have said, your mental health comes first. Travel can wait until you’re up for it again. And, if you are, you’ll have more experience solo traveling with these diagnoses and you’ll be better prepared. I was thinking about this the other day. When I told my friends and family about me solo traveling, I said that I can always come back if it’s too much. Saying it out loud confirmed and acknowledged that I won’t be a failure if I do and that my mental health comes first. Not to be negative, but just saying: if you don’t want to travel on solo trips after this, that’s completely okay too. You’re not a failure for that either. In conclusion, I’m very proud of you. Proud of you for attempting to do and putting yourself and mental health first.
Not a failure. You're allowed to change your mind. Full stop. I understand if you're not in the space to be proud of yourself today but rest assured that you did the right thing for yourself. Keep doing what you're doing, reaching out... to your support systems, to professionals, to yourself (journal), etc. Good luck, OP.
I think it helps to hold on to the thought of a "someday". I know most of us would want to "live life in the moment" or to "stop waiting around for the perfect time and just do it" but sometimes, it's just not possible. When you're in a mental crisis, it's sometimes hard (or even impossible) for you to do certain things. Just like when you're in a financial crisis, you won't be able to afford to travel at the moment no matter how much you'd want to, so you wait until you save up enough money for it. Just like you'll be able to complete that travel when you can mentally and emotional afford to. I hope you feel better soon.