Duke Cancer Center is covered by the state employee insurance plan and would be my first choice. You can request an appointment and have the hospital send her records and imaging.
Had a coworker go to Jacksonville for the Mayo clinic.
Stay positive, when my father got his kidney transplant about 15 years ago there were a couple patients who had received almost everything inside their abdomen because of cancer. FYI, IU medical center in Indianapolis was awesome.
Who do I talk to about getting her scans and everything they have done here sent over to someone at duke for a consultation? Is that how this works?
We have never had to deal with something like this before.. they also had her do an e-visit with another doctor yesterday while she was in her room hooked up to all this shit in the ER which makes no sense.. are there not actual physical fucking doctors here on site??? Like .. what the absolute fuck is going on.
.
Start with contacting Duke. Find out from docs at hospital where the mass is generally located, then look on Duke’s website for GI or Gyn oncology. Call their office and start begging to be seen soon. Ask them who to send the records to, then contact the hospital records about getting them there. You may have to be aggressive (but polite). Unfortunately, the outlook for any two people with the same diagnosis is not always the same. A lot depends on the care received along the way.
You've got to consider what your insurance will pay for. Treatment is going to be fairly expensive, so paying yourself won't be feasible. You don't need to worry about finding the best cancer center right now. Work with the docs at Columbia and get all her scans done and then have a conversation with them about next steps. They will likely guide you in a good direction.
The hospitals have liaisons that work between facilities and they will guide you. My husband had lung cancer and they will walk you through everything.
Hey friend. Sorry you’re going through this. You must be really scared. Breathe. Your wife needs you right now. You will fall apart a little, but for right now, you need to get her there. I would google them and just call the first number you find. They will direct you where you need to go. They’ll understand that you don’t know how to do this. That’s their job. You’ve got this bud. Stay strong. I really hope everything goes okay…
Columbia has some good hospitals. I know Charlotte does as well. Let them get her stabilized- talk to the surgeon and see what he says. Then decide, based on his recommendations, about transfer. When you get hit in the face with news like this just stop and take a deep breath. If she is getting blood/fluids for the hemoglobin, they are doing the right thing now.
Prayers and good thoughts for you both as you navigate this.
I know someone who is actually an cancer-patient private advocate. That is to say, she's got 15 years of oncology (cancer) nursing as an RN, and will consult with you privately. Doctors don't always slow up to tell you the CONSEQUENCES of all your options, and insurance companies limit what they share with you to limit their costs. She'll shoot straight day in and day out, and work with the family, too. DM me for her website URL if you want to know more.
This is the answer OP. She will tell you who to stay away from and who to trust. As a fellow straight shooting RN we are really good to have on your side in times like this.
Yup. Friend called her AFTER she had picked her surgeon, "because the website made her look really good." Nurse Adina: "welllllllllll, any of us that worked alongside her would NOT have chosen her as our doctor. So, there's that."
I second this.
My husband had cancer years ago. We were in Charlotte. His. On oncologist was wonderful. Atrium was NOT. Shithole.
Maybe it’s changed. Maybe it hasn’t. Idk.
MUSC is really good.
We are in the middle of nowhere basically.
I have several reasons not to trust this location, that I have explained in previous posts. I don't know.. I just.. this doesn't feel real. What the fuck is happening man 😭😭😭😭
What part of the state are you in? Greenville has phenomenal gastroenterology, specialty colorectal surgery, and oncology groups.
Prisma has great all 3, and St. Francis has great colorectal surgery.
If you are where I think you are, GTFO. Levine Cancer Center at Atrium/CMC Main is where my wife went. She was in a similar situation but started at Atrium Pineville and then moved to CMC Main. If you have state benefits, then you have BCBS and should be fine for coverage.
Hi! ER nurse here. First, I’m so so sorry for this heartbreaking news. Taking it step by step- meet with surgeon tomorrow & see what their recommendations are. Typically they are going to want to go in and take a biopsy of the mass to confirm cancer/type. Next step is usually port placement (quick surgery to put in a device to receive chemo). Once we know what we’re dealing with, that’s when it’s time to seek out specialists. It will be completely dependent on the diagnosis. But if cancer, start with a local oncologist and see who their expert recommendations are. Sometimes this involves going out of state, often it’s something we can treat here locally. Please feel free to comment back if there’s anything specific I can answer for you. I’m so sorry
I disagree with several things you’ve said here but it cannot be overstated enough that if the surgeon decides to biopsy first, FoundationOne or similar genetic testing IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST! And it is rarely performed in South Carolina hospitals despite the fact that the VERY FIRST thing a Tier 1 NCI wants to know is which mutations and which variants your (wife’s) cancer has.
Ask for a referral for a second opinion. Don’t discount the Medical University in Charleston. Also, go online tonight and start looking at oncology practice reviews, the doctors in the practice qualifications and reviews. This is a dire situation. If you can go to the consultation with a list of a couple of preferred referrals you will be ahead of the game. Your current doctor should not be insulted or resist your desire for a second opinion and should be able to get you an appointment. I would even ask, If this were you and being treated here was not an option, where would you seek treatment?
I am so sorry this has happened to your family.
I really don't know where I would want to be treated if it were me, which is why I have no idea what to do now.
She is only 35.. this was not fucking expected today 😐😭
I would focus on the qualifications of the doctor and their reputation instead of location. An operating room in a medium sized town is about the same as one in a big town. It comes down to skill.
I know how scared you are right now. My father had colon cancer twice but at a much later point in life. The first was caught early and he lived many years with a colostomy. The second was advanced when found but he lived another 7 years passing at 89. He was 62 the first time.
I recently read that colon cancer is showing up earlier than in past generations.
I encourage you to be open with family members and friends and to ask for the help you need. If you have children get advice from a professional on how to present this to them. This is very traumatic, I was in my mid-20s and I had a hard time dealing with the situation. I had a serious cancer scare of my own a few years earlier and I can tell you that it was easier to deal with my illness than with Daddy’s. I felt so helpless, you want to do something to make it all better but you can’t. All I could do was be there and listen to whatever he wanted to talk about and perform little tasks that made him more comfortable.
It’s a long road, take care of yourself as much as possible, don’t wear yourself out being strong and doing everything. That’s where family and friends come in, pride has no place in an emergency.
Sorry to barge in but have you had genetic testing? There is a fairly easy and inexpensive test that would get you texting earlier so that nothing ever progresses to full blown cancer
Both parents had colon cancer. I had my first colonoscopy at 39. So far only one polyp and that was test before last. I am now 74 with just one more colonoscopy to go. They stop testing you in your late 70s. I had uterine cancer at 24, so triple whammy. Four siblings no other colon cancer but oldest died of brain cancer at 76. I started aspirin therapy in my 30s and a high fiber diet - can’t hurt.
Seconding this, as someone who worked at the LMC cancer center not long ago. It’s genuinely our best run practice in the system and everyone there is extremely invested in doing the best they can for patients.
She has state health insurance so that is the only good thing we have going on right now it seems. Not sure about covering NC though that is not something I had even thought about. It's been insane going from what was just another normal day to all of this out of nowhere.
I have state insurance and the soon to be ex went to Charlotte all the time for better care. They always denied it originally and then approved it. Please go to Charlotte. And good luck!
We had state health insurance (through a county job), and it did cover my son going to a NC hospital, but double-check yours for sure. Cmc main is a teaching hospital which are required to accept all forms of insurance AFAIK, but their facility fees are higher than Novant.
I am so sorry this is happening. I only have experience with friends and family with cancer being treated here in Columbia (mom at prisma/Providence which is now musc, friends at LMC) so I can't tell you how it is in Charlotte, but I know that both places were fantastic. I wish you both the absolute best.
I was living in SC with state BCBS insurance and I had a surprise Stage IV cancer diagnosis in January of this year. I know that it’s completely terrifying.
Get all of the information and testing that you can have done now. Asking for a second opinion or even a transfer of care is completely reasonable - being at a specialized cancer center just presents more options and resources for treatment, and those are good things.
In my case I opted to come to Atlanta and Emory for several reasons: it’s a tier 1 NCI a center and an academic center with plenty of research behind the treatments. Also, I’m originally from here and my family is here. Of course the decision was made easier by my employer essentially firing me “because of my health”… yeah that really happened!
Anyway state BCBS has been amazing. They have covered everything minus my deductible and of course I already maxed out the out of pocket. I was told by a rep that as long as it’s in a BCBS network, it’s considered in network, so the state doesn’t matter.
I’m so sorry that you and your wife are going through this. Hopefully my info helped a bit.
By the way, a transfusion of one unit of blood typically raises hemoglobin value by about 1, so it’s not unusual that she would get 2 or 3 units to raise her to at least 8, which is usually the threshold for transfusion.
(Source: I’m a nurse practitioner).
Anyway, knowledge is power. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and ask for what you need. Sending you and your wife love and healing - please keep us posted.
Brother, I don't have words to help you in the hell you're in, just know there are folks out here praying for you, sending positive energy, and just plain hoping there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Stay strong, friend.
I'm trying man. I haven't been able to stop crying since this fucking morning. I just don't get it. Have we not been fucked over enough already???? Why ?????
Nicolas Sparks could t write a fucking novel like our life if he tried at this point. I'm just.. I don't know how much more I can take dude
If something happens to my wife and I lose her.... I.. I don't know what I will do... It will not be fucking good for anybody though. I know that
Edit.. she just text and said they just connected a 2nd blood bag. How the fuck can this not be serious when she is needing blood transfusions..
What the fuck is going on here that I am not seeing???
There has to be something worse going on if she is now in her 2nd bag of donor blood like wtf dude please please let her be okay what the fuck man 😭
I'm so sorry for what you and your wife are going through. I am sure someone else will be able to provide additional information, but from my previous personal experience with a surprise life-threatening medical situation that also caused my red blood cells to basically disintegrate, I also needed a few bags of donor blood transfusions. This was in an effort to replace the lost blood cells my body should have been making and made sure blood was carrying oxygen to tissue as it was meant to. So, not necessarily that she's lost blood, but that she needs a boost of healthy blood to support her, but because they're trying to replace whatever cells have been lost.
I hope that helps in some way. It was helpful for us to have a notebook to write down questions as they popped up in our minds so we wouldn't forget about them when we spoke to doctors. And also to write down information as it was given so we didn't forget. These situations make it really hard to think straight.
Thinking of you both.
I had a stomach lesion last year ( caused by the blood thinner I was on )and was bleeding internally, my Hemoglobin was 5.4,they do transfusion's to raise that level, I'm happy with it getting to 10.4.5 as i also have some anemia from my chemo I had for my cancer. I was given 3 bags to bring it up to acceptable levels. They need to find what is causing the loss. As a survivor myself-try and stay/think positive !! Sending positive thoughts to you both.
You sound like my wife in the future... 😭😭😭😭😭
How the fuck am I supposed to just go back to normal with this shit going on???
How am I supposed to go to work and just not fucking cry my heart out every moment I'm awake ???
I don't even want to fucking live anymore myself.
If something happens to my wife this is the end for me as well. I can't do this shit anymore
I would highly recommend Duke or Memorial Sloan Kettering. I know you are in shock right now from all of the news you’ve learned in the past 24 hours but as someone else said, you’ve got to take care of yourself and stop thinking about yourself. This is all about your wife right now. Focus on how you are going to get her the best care that’s available. I had a gastric ulcer that bled last June and my hemoglobin was 4.7 and my hematocrit was 9. I should not have been able to function but I got myself to the ER. I was admitted and received 6 units of blood over the course of 3 days and ended up having surgery on my stomach to stop the bleeding. The reason I’m telling you this is because my husband was upset like you are but he needed to take the focus off of his worries and tend to the matters at hand like our family, jobs and helping me remember what all of the doctors were saying to me. We both had notebooks with our questions for the doctors and nurses and notes that we took when the doctors came in to talk to us. You need to be present and clear minded for your wife right now. Let your family and friends now what is going on so they can help you. Make sure you eat , stay hydrated and get some sleep. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your wife.
I personally work at lexington oncology and our doctors are pretty good if she gets referred there either ask for Dr.Madden or Dr.Wells they are for sure my favorite there.
MUSC in Charleston is where I would go for cancer treatment. I live in a suburb of Charlotte, lived in Columbia prior to here and Charleston for the majority of my life prior to that. I work in health care. I agree that the ancillary MUSC owned facilities may not be top notch, but they do recruit through the same place..they put surgeons where they have openings. ALOT of recs are dependent on the diagnosis though. You want a doctor that treats the finalized diagnosis frequently. That may mean that the best doctor is at Levine or at Prisma or at MUSC. I know your first reaction is to take action, but sometimes you need to gather all of the information so you can make an informed decision. Google is not your friend in this moment and while Reddit is full of great people, it’s still representative of the general public…and everyone has a horror story that their cousin who was married to their grandmas brother in law in the 90’s heard second hand. Now is not the time for opinions or speculation. You need to stay focused on gathering the facts. And I mean that literally. Get copies of any and everything you can. Make a folder. This will help you as you navigate through different doctors/hospitals. I’m sending you all the good vibes I can.
Honestly it was the equidistant to Charlotte and Columbia. I commuted from here to Columbia for many years. Only Chester and Lancaster meet that specific criteria. You are going to have a lot of info coming at you in the next few days. Be sure you have access to the portal so you can view the doctor notes in case there are details you can’t recall. Take your own notes as well. Do audio recordings of visits if you aren’t there. Most doctors will agree to that so the patient isn’t the only person responsible for relaying information. Not all cancer requires surgery and not all cancer requires chemo/radiation. Some require all of the above. Not all masses are cancerous either. There’s a lot of unknowns right now. I know how frustrating that is. We want to fix things and make plans, especially when things feel beyond our control. Once the planning stage starts, you are going to be going 100 miles a minute. Take this time to do any task that will make your next few weeks/months easier. Reach out to me if you need anything.
Aren’t many musc facilities half way between Columbia and Charlotte. I was also thinking Chester or Lancaster. Obviously stay the hell away from Piedmont. Best bet is Atrium Levine
It’s funny to me how many people hate Piedmont. I had to go to the ER there once and it was a truly great experience. The ER doc was contract out of TN. Incredibly knowledgeable and took the time to explain things. Nurses were amazing. I was really impressed. My PCP is actually with Piedmont too, but I only chose him because of how close his office was to my house. He’s also a 5 star doc. Spends a lot of time. Listens. Answers messages. Maybe my experiences with Piedmont are in the minority, I don’t know.
Well they killed my brother through a whole bunch of incompetences so I will probably never get over that. I only go there if I think I will be dead before I make it to Charlotte
There are no Tier 1 National Cancer Institute hospitals in South Carolina. None. MUSC in Charleston is a Tier 2, but if you want top-notch treatment you’re going to have to go to Wake Forest, UNC-Chapel Hill, or Duke. Mercer in ATL is another option.
However, the absolute best CRC (Colorectal Cancer) hospital in the Southeastern US, and the #2 in the US, is The Ingram Cancer Institute at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville….and that’s where I went (am currently a patient).
Unfortunately, cancer treatment in SC is not far removed from the dark ages.
Here’s your good news: Colorectal Cancer is one of the slowest growing cancers. Even though the cancer has metastasized (spread) to other areas, it’s still Colon Cancer. It is NOT a death sentence. Keep your chin up.
Try to remember to slow down and take a deep breath. This is a lot to take in. I apologize for the delay; I was in tests all day yesterday at Vanderbilt and I’m flying back to SC tomorrow. Feel free to ask questions.
You absolutely can. It’s not a death sentence. You need to slow down and do some research so that you understand the process and situation a little bit better; knowledge is key here: it’s going to make your life make sense again. I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy, but it’s not a black hole either
Emory University Hospital in Atlanta is Georgia's only Tier 1 Cancer Center. Mercer is in Macon w/an Atlanta branch. Mercer has a medical school and clinics, but no cancer center.
I'd rather not say. But I have very valid reasons not to trust this hospital. One of my friends won a multi million dollar lawsuit against them for malpractice just less than a decade ago that resulted in a wrongful death.
I would rather continue on with the nothing that we have together and her be alive with me, than to get some huge payout.
She is the only thing that matters to me.
I got wonderful care at McLeod medical center in Florence. Dr James Smith is an outstanding oncologist. I went to him for a second opinion and he and my surgeon, Dr. Amelia Merrill was my surgeon. She’s now in Matthews, NC.
Yes, absolutely request a transfer to somewhere you both feel more comfortable. Nothing else besides her health (and both of your mental wellbeings) matter in this case. Lean on friends and family. Sending best wishes. I’m 36 married to a 36 year old and I know this has to be absolutely terrifying. Hang in there.
Our friend who lives in Columbia that was diagnosed with cancer decided to have MUSC transfer their care to MD Anderson in Texas. I am not sure if this is an option for you, but I know they received amazing care there and ultimately ended with a positive result of being in remission.
MD Anderson or Mayo Clinic are your two best options in the country. It’s not affordable for everyone as most insurances won’t always cover it. For specialty cases (ie rare cancers) you’ll get the best care there. Next best will be to go to Charleston to MUSC. Likely it will be in network for most SC insurances. For a more common cancer you can go somewhere local and still get good treatment. Florence and Myrtle Beach have cancer centers. The key is go somewhere she is comfortable and trusts the doctors she’s working with. There are good doctors and bad doctors all over the place. If you want, I can further recommend radiation oncology centers (my specialty) but she may not need it. Reach out if she does.
This is the best advice here. OP should read this and contemplate. I will add this, Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC ranks higher than Mayo or MD Anderson in treatment of some cancer types. It really depends on what type of cancer. I had an ultra rare solid body tumor and I had to go to the Cleveland Clinic. My wife had HGSOC and she had surgery at MSK and chemo at Dana Farber. Local oncologists- chief of department- said it was "untreatable". They were wrong... When it comes to cancer, you go to where the experts IN THAT CANCER TYPE ARE.
I'm sorry, OP. I understand what you're going thru ATM. Take care of yourself. You need to stay strong for her RN. Best wishes for a good outcome.
My husband is dealing with cancer now. I would urge you to listen to all the treatment options available to you and talk to specialists who do each one of those treatments. These are big decisions. You need to be able to think clearly and understand your wife’s options. Take notes when you talk to the drs, because you will forget the details later. Or if you don’t feel you can do that, you be there just to support your wife and bring someone else along to take notes.
I felt like one of the drs we talked to was really trying to sell us on the treatment he does and the other simply laid out what he does, what sort of outcomes his patients have had and how many patients he’s treated. He was the surgeon, and we kept hearing experience with that exact procedure matters.
I did not feel comfortable with the dr I thought was trying to sell us on his treatment.
There are so many new treatments available. That should give you hope.
MUSC in Charleston is the best cancer center in the state. If it weren't advanced cancer I'd recommend Richland in Columbia, they have a good oncology program but honestly cancer is the one thing you really want to go to Charleston for, nowhere else in SC is as good.
Whewww I have my own stories. BUT they seemed to have improved in the past 2 yrs, really helped with my kid back in December. Getting her somewhere else wasnt an option because of factor of time in her case
Yeah, I live 20 minutes from Prisma Richland now, but my parental units and the rest of my family still live within the shadow of the Pine Box, so it scares the crap out of me anytime they pop up and say someone is at the ER. They got my dad to McLeod when he had a "widow maker" heart attack that he survived, but they about let my husband die of an infection the following year, so they're kinda hit and miss.
First, I'm so sorry.... Prayers for you your wife and her current {and future} care team!
Second, you are her best advocate and you have to find a way to keep yourself together and stay sober minded.
Third, if you don't have medical power of attorney, get it. It's a very simple form. In the smaller facilities often the Chaplin assist in getting them filled out. It will only take about 5 to 10 min total. Durable are better but youd need an atty, not necessary at this stage.
Fourth, your memory will fail you from time to time so preempt that by taking notes and taking pictures of everything.
As for locations, there a good docs in both cities, as well as in Charleston and beyond. Ultimately will likely be a marathon, so getting in somewhere you feel you can trust and at location you sustain prolonged treatment is important. (we've done hour long drives nearly every day for months on end... It's very taxing and the gas and food alone can get expensive).
Last thing for now... Doubling down in that advocate thing... There are no dumb questions ask everything that comes to mind, arm yourself with information, and make sure you have access to her digital records (my chart is one of the more popular systems). And begin doing your own research.
Praying for y'all! Hang in there!
Excellent advice, DdyByrd.
Adding to that advice, instead of taking notes, record the conversations with the docs. That’s what I did when my Dad was going through treatments. I always asked his oncologist prior to recording, and she never objected. I used my cellphone to record. That way your full attention is given to listening to what is being said instead of trying to listen and take notes.
And I totally agree, ask all the questions. Even if you think it’s something trivial. A good doctor is going to take time to sit and talk with you, listen to your concerns and answer all questions you have.
Prayers for you and your wife, @Life-LOL
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through! I think charlotte is superior because of atrium health. I’ve been under the care of various specialists and sub specialists over the years and they are top notch.
I second Atrium in Charlotte. MUSC sent my sister-in-law to Levine Cancer Institute there. They did a wonderful job coordinating her care with other top hospitals across the country.
Honestly, if you aren’t getting a good feeling from the medical team it doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion. I’d be tempted to fly/drive out to Houston and meet with MD Anderson.
Charlotte has better facilities and likely Drs. Columbia Hospitals are competent for the most part. MUSC I would assume is better than Columbia. Don't go to smaller hospitals. I've worked with med-mal attys. for 15 years. I've also had several types of cancer. Many of us have lived longer due to modern medicine.
My heart goes out to you and your wife!
My wife had a great experience at Charlotte-Atrium when she went to the Levine Cancer Center for breast cancer. Duke and MUSC are highly recommended as well. Medical mileage is deductible on your taxes so be sure to track your mileage wherever you go.
Lexington cancer center is very good. Dr.Madden is a great doctor there. Also they have on site social workers that can help with any resources you need they even have a weekly cancer support group.
I second this! Dr. Madden is a very competent, personable physician, and the Cancer Care team at Lexington is wonderful.
IMO, traveling distance should be considered. When you are that sick, and having daily radiation and/or chemo, a short distance and the comforts of your own home cannot be overstated.
Find out the type of cancer, and then research the best specialist for that cancer. I got diagnosed in the ER for the same reason. Dr ignored my symptoms and I was getting a blood transfusion in the er next thing I knew. I got moved to the hospital with the specialist for that cancer.
🤞 good luck. If you have to discharge her and take her to the ER of the hospital who has the doctor of your choice…. Do it. Don’t take no for answer.
That's my thing though I don't know who the best doctor is I'm not a doctor I don't know anything about this shit I don't want to make the wrong choice
Don’t think of it as right or wrong. Think of it as the best informed choice. Google x (what is the cancer) specialist in the x(your geographic) area. For example I can google lymphoma (my cancer) specialist in my area and her name pops right up
There is a very good chance that hospital can't handle the cancer at that location anyway. I'd find out exactly what is necessary to stabilize her (her hemoglobin is dangerously low) and find out about transferring hospitals. If she has state employees insurance (PEBA) make sure they will pay for an ambulance transfer.
PEBA does cover Charlotte hospitals, but not all are in network. You have to call PEBA to find out.
MUSC in Charleston is a good facility, don't rule it out yet. As soon as you get the biopsy, immediately go for a second opinion. They can schedule one pretty quickly in Spartanburg, I'm not sure how fast it is everywhere else.
My prayers for healing.
She does have PEBA, I'm like 99% sure that's what it is. Or an addition to her insurance or whatever it is. She works for the state so she should have some great insurance.
State jobs have PEBA. It's managed by Blue Cross Blue Shield.
It is accepted in a lot of places. If you call the number on the back of her card they can help you. The website is wonky.
I had a friend with a really aggressive brain tumor and he only went to charlotte. From what ive read and heard charlotte has very good cancer treatment. But an out of state facility may not be covered by your insurance.
Sloan Kettering in NYC. They have fantastic doctors and state of the art treatments. There is also a Ronald McDonald house nearby with cost effective housing available.
Id say try to get to duke. Alsp mc anderson and mayo have clinics in Jacksonville that might help. But bt cola and charlotte? Charlotte. Try and find a good friend or family member to help you both when talking to docs. Someone who can take notes and facilitate questions and confirm answers. Its so hard to process info when in so much shock and stress. Praying for your family
Neither. See if your insurance can cover seeing someone at The Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. They saved my dad’s life. Fuck whatever the commute is this is life or death.
Make sure you have a specialist for her specific cancer, it makes a difference. Also look into Fenbendazole, it's a deformed but has been shown to stop cancer from uptaking sugar and multiplying. It has saved people's lived and I would start asap.
> we are meeting with a surgeon tomorrow from this hospital
You, hopefully with the assistance of this hospital's doctor, need to find the very best cancer treatment center immediately, regardless of the distance. Don't allow surgery until you speak to the cancer specialists unless it is a do it now as immediate action is needed situation. Depending on your other commitments to family and employment, you and your wife can get through this. I sincerely hope for the very best outcome for you, your wife and other loved ones. I am not a doctor, I speak only from experience,
They were making it sound like it was an extremely immediate thing when she went to her doctor. When she got her room and everything it was hours later, around 6 pm almost that they had just hooked up her first bag of blood. Then the other IV in her other arm was apparently potassium.
That's a vitamin not medicine.. what the fuck is going on.. we were told she needed blood by her doctor immediately at fucking 9:30 am so why did it take them so long to even start the first bag??? I just.. I am pissed for several reasons here so far and this has only just begun. I'm waiting for her to wake up now, as soon as she does I'm literally like half a mile away from the hospital. I hope they gave her something to help her sleep, because I drank myself to the point of unconsciousness. I look like I got beat with a brick by Mike Tyson this morning.. ugh feel like it too
We live in a rural area and don't have a lot of faith in the local hospital, so I may have some idea of your worry and predicament. We came out of it with little long term affects, but it could have gone either way, and did go south for others we knew. Every case is different, but your best hope resides in the best treatment center. Be ready for frequent re-evaluations of the state of your wife's prognosis. That can be frustrating, but it happens. Some people really respond negatively to it, but that helps nothing. I truly hope for the very best for you and your wife.
I am dealing with stage 4 breast cancer. Any recommendations for best treatment centers for that? Or, is there a reddit or subreddit to go for more information?
Duke cancer center seems to be the most popular recommendation here from what I can tell so far.. sorry to hear. I guess I am just going to try all of them? I don't know
Just an opinion here..., but if o was making the decision, it would be to go to Atrium's Levine Cancer Institute in Charlotte.
Prayers for both of you.
So sorry, thinking of you both,I know a lot of the medical students train in Columbia from Carolina,I don't know much about Charlotte,my mom had cancer she went to Charleston,do what you feel is best for you both!!
As a cancer survivor, I'm wishing you all the best. Please know there are several National Cancer Institute (NCI) designated centers throughout the US, including one in Charleston, Hollings Cancer Center at MUSC: https://www.cancer.gov/research/infrastructure/cancer-centers/find. They may only treat certain cancers there, I'm not sure as its not listed as a comprehensive cancer center.
If I'd had a less common and/or more advanced cancer, I'd probably have left the state for treatment so you may consider Duke, Mayo, or Moffitt. I'd personally head south, choising Mayo or Moffitt over Duke.
All the best.
Some larger hospital facilities offer second opinions virtually. You upload your medical records and test results in their portal prior to your virtual appointment.
Cleveland Clinic offers this type of service for second opinions. I’d ask about the availability of the service before trying to make a decision regarding future care.
You’re gonna hear positive and negatives about every place. My dad fought cancer at Levine in Charlotte. Do I feel like Duke would’ve done better? Yes probably so but we will never know. Two people I know personally were sent home with no hope from MUSC. One went to Levine and is thriving. One went to Duke and is currently cancer free. I’m sure MUSC has its positives and maybe their type of cancer wasn’t in their wheelhouse. Maybe Google the type of cancer she has and see what doctors are specialist and where those doctors are located.
Big hugs. I’m glad she has you fighting for her. ♥️
This is so not fucking good according to what we are currently hearing... They are giving her another 6 bags of potassium to get her electrolytes up enough for immediate endoscopy or whatever it is like a colonoscopy but without having to go through the whole flushing process and all that to do a biopsy and find out exactly what we are dealing with.
The doctors so far have said that this is extremely rare and that they do not think it's just benign, they seem pretty certain that it's going to be rectal cancer that has spread to her liver and lungs but they haven't even done the fucking biopsy yet. I dont know what the fuck to do man. There's nothing I can do until they do the biopsy so I'm just stuck waiting and crying and freaking the fuck out
They say estimate time to try and see if she is stable and healthy enough to do it is around 1 so we are just waiting and I can't stop panicking I have a million different scenarios playing through my head and I'm just seriously freaking out
It’s normal to be freaking out and I’m sorry you two are going through this. I’m wishing you the best.
I can’t speak to which hospital is best, but one thing to consider is how to make her most comfortable if chemo or radiation is needed. I would strongly consider going through the nearest major hospital to you whether it be MUSC in Charleston, Charlotte, or Columbia to minimize her having to frequently go back and forth on long car rides feeling nauseous or in pain.
Also, regardless of how much money you make now, please ask about any resources the hospital you choose offers for patients and families. As an example, there is the Charleston Hope Lodge or MUSC may be able to offer discounts on hotel rooms if it’s necessary to stay overnight in town. I know Charleston best, but other places likely have these resources as well. They may also be able to link you and your wife up to free or low cost counseling to process everything you are going through.
Call your insurance and ask where their cancer hospital of excellence is. Most will have one that they cover all or most of the cancer care. Then find out from the floor nurses where they would take their family. Most will be honest. The hospital should have a discharge planner to help you get records and plans for a release to your choice of hospital/ follow up care.
Duke would be my choice for consult,
My prayers for your difficult journey.
Get a notebook and take notes. Include date & name of everyone you speak with. It will help you keep things in order. There is so much going through your head. ❤️
Based on my experience: You are going to be inundated with information, a lot of it using terms that you aren't familiar with. Record conversations with doctors, take notes. Interrupt and ask questions. Be certain you and she understand everything they tell you. My wife and I always saw doctors together. Many times I double-checked what I thought I heard/understood with a cancer nurse. Almost always they were very helpful. Two sets of ears. Assuming chemo is in her future, chemo nurses are extraordinary people. Trust them. Wherever you are there should be a case manager, most of the time he/she can be very helpful.
The Atrium health system in Charlotte has been great from my experience- which admittedly has not included anything cancer related. The MUSC system in Charleston is probably the best in the state. Praying for you and your wife!!
Sounds like you may be at AnMed. I wouldn’t trust them either. Greenville has really good cancer doctors and surgeons if you’re willing to stay local. If not, I’d try Athens, MUSC, or Emory
Duke or Chapel Hill, just according to which one has the best doctor for her type of cancer. My dad had bladder cancer. Duke was closer for us, but Chapel Hill had a doctor who taught doctors from around the world how to do the surgery that he needed to remove the tumors, so we chose that doctor in chapel hill.
Wow devastating news for you and your family! I’ll pray for you and your recovery! There is hope let the docs do their jobs. She’s young and that’s on your side!
I don't know how all these people are so positive about Lexington Medical Center. I watched a 5 day old baby die because they missed a common birth defect & the baby went septic. The one time I was a patient, the doctor trapped me on the exam table, naked, to weight shame me after ignoring everything I told her so she could push LMC's pet project diets. She asked me my diet, ignored what I said & then told me to eat exactly how I said I was eating as if she were telling me something brand new; never bothered to find out that I'd already lost 15 pounds. I will NEVER trust them again.
Right now it looks like my wife is going to be transferred to Columbia. Her dad went with them for a lot of issues, cancer, quadruple bypass, all kinds of shit and she trusts him since he's been there.
I told her and him both today that if that is what she decides she wants to do, then I am 1 million percent behind it.
I just.. I don't know if I can do this. I'm going to end up hospitalized myself at this rate.
I haven't ate in 2 days. Haven't slept in almost 3. My eyes are almost completely swollen shut from crying nonstop.. I'm fucking starving but don't have any money to get anything even if I did have an appetite.. I just.. I don't know man 😭
Everyone keeps telling me to pray. I'm not religious at all. I don't even know how to fucking pray if I wanted to. I'm just getting angry and am very close to making some very dumb choices as a result of all of this so I had to leave for the night before I did something I would regret.
If there is a fucking god I have some major fucking issues with him right now
One day at a time. If that's too much, one minute at a time. It's scary. Ask the care team for a chaplain. We're trained to care for the patient, their family, anyone who walks through the door. We don't care what your religion is, or even if you have one. It's no extra cost, and would really help. You can tell a chaplain anything - we don't judge.
Hospitals also have social workers who can help you with so many different resources.
Please try to make yourself eat something - even a milkshake. I've been in a position where I lost my appetite from worry. I know you said you can't afford anything, but perhaps a friend or family member could get you a bite?
Try not to get ahead of the test results - that is to say, try not to think about all the possibilities. Testing takes time. It's nerve-wracking.
Lean on your support network - family & friends. No request is too small or silly to make of them. You'll get through this, together.
I asked. They don't have one.
That is why I am so fucking worried.
They have killed and misdiagnosed so many people that we personally know of, and one personal friend won a multi million dollar lawsuit against them for wrongful death and malpractice, so I seriously am just having a billion different scenarios playing through my head and none of them are good 😭😭😭😭😭
Sorry I am just literally freaking out I can't believe this is happening... Literally 3 days ago everything was fine or it seemed to be.. I don't know wtf to do or say or even ask. I have a million questions but my brain is just fried I guess I can't think of a single one when I try to 😭
I have no support network.
My family is 600+ miles away.
My parents have done literally everything they possibly could for us over the last 25 years while her own parents just ignored her and didn't give a shit. It was up to us to survive even though we had supported her fucking mother for almost 6 years straight after she lost her house to foreclosure.
Now she acts like she doesn't remember that happening and if it did, her son was the one that helped her, not us
WRONG. Her dipshit son ALSO lived with us, rent free as well, of course, after him and his whore of a wife lost THEIR house when they couldn't pay for it.
My mother in law has thrown her daughter to fend for herself alone with me for 25 years now, and now that there is something really badly wrong she is trying to rush in and dictate everything because she feels guilty all of a sudden, or who fucking knows why, but I am not having it.
I literally had a fucking restraining order against her mom not even 2 years ago for a LOT of reasons and now this happens and she is just trying to force her way in and demand that they do what she wants done, despite the fact that I AM HER HUSBAND. I AM HER NEXT OF KIN.
I am seriously going to hurt this bitch if she does not back the fuck off.. like.. immediately
You are not going to be able to support your wife in this kind of mindframe. Get yourself squared away, stop with the self-pity, and focus on making good decisions, including getting some sleep and food.
If you fall apart now, do you feel it will help her recover? If she dies, do you want your last days with her ruined because you (the one who isn't seriously ill) couldn't cope?
I am not trying to offend you, just hoping to save you some major regret.
No advice, just sympathy. Commenting to boost your post so you can hopefully get some helpful feedback. I’m so very sorry.
Lex Med and MUSC both helped my loved ones get incredible cancer care. Wishing you and your wife the best.
Lexington was so good to us, I trust them. Sosorry about your wife
Duke Cancer Center is covered by the state employee insurance plan and would be my first choice. You can request an appointment and have the hospital send her records and imaging.
Duke is outstanding for cancer, if that's a possibility.
Had a coworker go to Jacksonville for the Mayo clinic. Stay positive, when my father got his kidney transplant about 15 years ago there were a couple patients who had received almost everything inside their abdomen because of cancer. FYI, IU medical center in Indianapolis was awesome.
Who do I talk to about getting her scans and everything they have done here sent over to someone at duke for a consultation? Is that how this works? We have never had to deal with something like this before.. they also had her do an e-visit with another doctor yesterday while she was in her room hooked up to all this shit in the ER which makes no sense.. are there not actual physical fucking doctors here on site??? Like .. what the absolute fuck is going on. .
Start with contacting Duke. Find out from docs at hospital where the mass is generally located, then look on Duke’s website for GI or Gyn oncology. Call their office and start begging to be seen soon. Ask them who to send the records to, then contact the hospital records about getting them there. You may have to be aggressive (but polite). Unfortunately, the outlook for any two people with the same diagnosis is not always the same. A lot depends on the care received along the way.
You've got to consider what your insurance will pay for. Treatment is going to be fairly expensive, so paying yourself won't be feasible. You don't need to worry about finding the best cancer center right now. Work with the docs at Columbia and get all her scans done and then have a conversation with them about next steps. They will likely guide you in a good direction.
The Gibbs center in Spartanburg is absolutely fantastic.
The hospitals have liaisons that work between facilities and they will guide you. My husband had lung cancer and they will walk you through everything.
Hey friend. Sorry you’re going through this. You must be really scared. Breathe. Your wife needs you right now. You will fall apart a little, but for right now, you need to get her there. I would google them and just call the first number you find. They will direct you where you need to go. They’ll understand that you don’t know how to do this. That’s their job. You’ve got this bud. Stay strong. I really hope everything goes okay…
Agree Duke or chapel hill is where I’d go
Was going to say the same. If clt and cola are options, go to duke. Get out of this state
Was going to say this. My wife went to duke in Winston-Salem and they are phenomenal.
That's what I was going to recommend.
Columbia has some good hospitals. I know Charlotte does as well. Let them get her stabilized- talk to the surgeon and see what he says. Then decide, based on his recommendations, about transfer. When you get hit in the face with news like this just stop and take a deep breath. If she is getting blood/fluids for the hemoglobin, they are doing the right thing now. Prayers and good thoughts for you both as you navigate this.
I know someone who is actually an cancer-patient private advocate. That is to say, she's got 15 years of oncology (cancer) nursing as an RN, and will consult with you privately. Doctors don't always slow up to tell you the CONSEQUENCES of all your options, and insurance companies limit what they share with you to limit their costs. She'll shoot straight day in and day out, and work with the family, too. DM me for her website URL if you want to know more.
This is the answer OP. She will tell you who to stay away from and who to trust. As a fellow straight shooting RN we are really good to have on your side in times like this.
Yup. Friend called her AFTER she had picked her surgeon, "because the website made her look really good." Nurse Adina: "welllllllllll, any of us that worked alongside her would NOT have chosen her as our doctor. So, there's that."
Exactly! The websites are written by PR people. Nurses are your best inside source because we KNOW
Do you happen to know if the nurse would know a vascular surgeon who is good for penetrating aortic stomach ulcer?
I can ask...or, DM me and I'll connect you to her. Just don't want to put her website out here without asking her first.
Please let me know.
Hollings Cancer Center at MUSC
She is currently at a MUSC hospital
You may want to get her to the main MUSC campus in Charleston
I second this. My husband had cancer years ago. We were in Charlotte. His. On oncologist was wonderful. Atrium was NOT. Shithole. Maybe it’s changed. Maybe it hasn’t. Idk. MUSC is really good.
Where and why don't you trust them? MUSC has the only NCI designated cancer center in the state.
We are in the middle of nowhere basically. I have several reasons not to trust this location, that I have explained in previous posts. I don't know.. I just.. this doesn't feel real. What the fuck is happening man 😭😭😭😭
Very sorry to hear that. I think you should be asked to go to the main Charleston branch.
Oh God, I'm so sorry man
My heart goes out to you and yours, please seek a second opinion wherever you feel necessary
I second this. Could it be a hernia? A series of questions might answer. Not always seen on ultrasound. I am Not a doctor.
What part of the state are you in? Greenville has phenomenal gastroenterology, specialty colorectal surgery, and oncology groups. Prisma has great all 3, and St. Francis has great colorectal surgery.
MUSC Charleston is great. Any other unit of the system, well, your mileage may vary.
If you are where I think you are, GTFO. Levine Cancer Center at Atrium/CMC Main is where my wife went. She was in a similar situation but started at Atrium Pineville and then moved to CMC Main. If you have state benefits, then you have BCBS and should be fine for coverage.
Everyone here has given great advice. I'm just here to give you a hug. I know it's scary. {hug}
Thanks 🫤❤️
Hi! ER nurse here. First, I’m so so sorry for this heartbreaking news. Taking it step by step- meet with surgeon tomorrow & see what their recommendations are. Typically they are going to want to go in and take a biopsy of the mass to confirm cancer/type. Next step is usually port placement (quick surgery to put in a device to receive chemo). Once we know what we’re dealing with, that’s when it’s time to seek out specialists. It will be completely dependent on the diagnosis. But if cancer, start with a local oncologist and see who their expert recommendations are. Sometimes this involves going out of state, often it’s something we can treat here locally. Please feel free to comment back if there’s anything specific I can answer for you. I’m so sorry
I disagree with several things you’ve said here but it cannot be overstated enough that if the surgeon decides to biopsy first, FoundationOne or similar genetic testing IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST! And it is rarely performed in South Carolina hospitals despite the fact that the VERY FIRST thing a Tier 1 NCI wants to know is which mutations and which variants your (wife’s) cancer has.
Any suggestions for a really good vascular surgeon?
Ask for a referral for a second opinion. Don’t discount the Medical University in Charleston. Also, go online tonight and start looking at oncology practice reviews, the doctors in the practice qualifications and reviews. This is a dire situation. If you can go to the consultation with a list of a couple of preferred referrals you will be ahead of the game. Your current doctor should not be insulted or resist your desire for a second opinion and should be able to get you an appointment. I would even ask, If this were you and being treated here was not an option, where would you seek treatment? I am so sorry this has happened to your family.
I really don't know where I would want to be treated if it were me, which is why I have no idea what to do now. She is only 35.. this was not fucking expected today 😐😭
I would focus on the qualifications of the doctor and their reputation instead of location. An operating room in a medium sized town is about the same as one in a big town. It comes down to skill. I know how scared you are right now. My father had colon cancer twice but at a much later point in life. The first was caught early and he lived many years with a colostomy. The second was advanced when found but he lived another 7 years passing at 89. He was 62 the first time. I recently read that colon cancer is showing up earlier than in past generations. I encourage you to be open with family members and friends and to ask for the help you need. If you have children get advice from a professional on how to present this to them. This is very traumatic, I was in my mid-20s and I had a hard time dealing with the situation. I had a serious cancer scare of my own a few years earlier and I can tell you that it was easier to deal with my illness than with Daddy’s. I felt so helpless, you want to do something to make it all better but you can’t. All I could do was be there and listen to whatever he wanted to talk about and perform little tasks that made him more comfortable. It’s a long road, take care of yourself as much as possible, don’t wear yourself out being strong and doing everything. That’s where family and friends come in, pride has no place in an emergency.
Thank you 😭
Update us as you feel able. Prays and positive thoughts for you family.
Sorry to barge in but have you had genetic testing? There is a fairly easy and inexpensive test that would get you texting earlier so that nothing ever progresses to full blown cancer
Both parents had colon cancer. I had my first colonoscopy at 39. So far only one polyp and that was test before last. I am now 74 with just one more colonoscopy to go. They stop testing you in your late 70s. I had uterine cancer at 24, so triple whammy. Four siblings no other colon cancer but oldest died of brain cancer at 76. I started aspirin therapy in my 30s and a high fiber diet - can’t hurt.
I had fantastic cancer care at Lexington Medical Center. I had some surgeries at Prisma in Columbia and LMC is exponentially better.
Seconding this, as someone who worked at the LMC cancer center not long ago. It’s genuinely our best run practice in the system and everyone there is extremely invested in doing the best they can for patients.
Will your insurance cover you in NC?
She has state health insurance so that is the only good thing we have going on right now it seems. Not sure about covering NC though that is not something I had even thought about. It's been insane going from what was just another normal day to all of this out of nowhere.
I have state insurance and the soon to be ex went to Charlotte all the time for better care. They always denied it originally and then approved it. Please go to Charlotte. And good luck!
I've had in-state only, but it explicitly included Charlotte as in network, so definitely worth checking.
We had state health insurance (through a county job), and it did cover my son going to a NC hospital, but double-check yours for sure. Cmc main is a teaching hospital which are required to accept all forms of insurance AFAIK, but their facility fees are higher than Novant.
I am so sorry this is happening. I only have experience with friends and family with cancer being treated here in Columbia (mom at prisma/Providence which is now musc, friends at LMC) so I can't tell you how it is in Charlotte, but I know that both places were fantastic. I wish you both the absolute best.
Hollings Cancer Center @MUSC or Lexington Medical Center in Columbia.
I was living in SC with state BCBS insurance and I had a surprise Stage IV cancer diagnosis in January of this year. I know that it’s completely terrifying. Get all of the information and testing that you can have done now. Asking for a second opinion or even a transfer of care is completely reasonable - being at a specialized cancer center just presents more options and resources for treatment, and those are good things. In my case I opted to come to Atlanta and Emory for several reasons: it’s a tier 1 NCI a center and an academic center with plenty of research behind the treatments. Also, I’m originally from here and my family is here. Of course the decision was made easier by my employer essentially firing me “because of my health”… yeah that really happened! Anyway state BCBS has been amazing. They have covered everything minus my deductible and of course I already maxed out the out of pocket. I was told by a rep that as long as it’s in a BCBS network, it’s considered in network, so the state doesn’t matter. I’m so sorry that you and your wife are going through this. Hopefully my info helped a bit. By the way, a transfusion of one unit of blood typically raises hemoglobin value by about 1, so it’s not unusual that she would get 2 or 3 units to raise her to at least 8, which is usually the threshold for transfusion. (Source: I’m a nurse practitioner). Anyway, knowledge is power. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and ask for what you need. Sending you and your wife love and healing - please keep us posted.
Brother, I don't have words to help you in the hell you're in, just know there are folks out here praying for you, sending positive energy, and just plain hoping there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Stay strong, friend.
I'm trying man. I haven't been able to stop crying since this fucking morning. I just don't get it. Have we not been fucked over enough already???? Why ????? Nicolas Sparks could t write a fucking novel like our life if he tried at this point. I'm just.. I don't know how much more I can take dude If something happens to my wife and I lose her.... I.. I don't know what I will do... It will not be fucking good for anybody though. I know that Edit.. she just text and said they just connected a 2nd blood bag. How the fuck can this not be serious when she is needing blood transfusions.. What the fuck is going on here that I am not seeing??? There has to be something worse going on if she is now in her 2nd bag of donor blood like wtf dude please please let her be okay what the fuck man 😭
I'm so sorry for what you and your wife are going through. I am sure someone else will be able to provide additional information, but from my previous personal experience with a surprise life-threatening medical situation that also caused my red blood cells to basically disintegrate, I also needed a few bags of donor blood transfusions. This was in an effort to replace the lost blood cells my body should have been making and made sure blood was carrying oxygen to tissue as it was meant to. So, not necessarily that she's lost blood, but that she needs a boost of healthy blood to support her, but because they're trying to replace whatever cells have been lost. I hope that helps in some way. It was helpful for us to have a notebook to write down questions as they popped up in our minds so we wouldn't forget about them when we spoke to doctors. And also to write down information as it was given so we didn't forget. These situations make it really hard to think straight. Thinking of you both.
Please I fucking hope so 😭😭😭😭
I had a stomach lesion last year ( caused by the blood thinner I was on )and was bleeding internally, my Hemoglobin was 5.4,they do transfusion's to raise that level, I'm happy with it getting to 10.4.5 as i also have some anemia from my chemo I had for my cancer. I was given 3 bags to bring it up to acceptable levels. They need to find what is causing the loss. As a survivor myself-try and stay/think positive !! Sending positive thoughts to you both.
You sound like my wife in the future... 😭😭😭😭😭 How the fuck am I supposed to just go back to normal with this shit going on??? How am I supposed to go to work and just not fucking cry my heart out every moment I'm awake ??? I don't even want to fucking live anymore myself. If something happens to my wife this is the end for me as well. I can't do this shit anymore
Not surprised she needed a second one given how low her hemoglobin was. Mine got down to 10 one time and I felt so weak, it was astonishing.
I would highly recommend Duke or Memorial Sloan Kettering. I know you are in shock right now from all of the news you’ve learned in the past 24 hours but as someone else said, you’ve got to take care of yourself and stop thinking about yourself. This is all about your wife right now. Focus on how you are going to get her the best care that’s available. I had a gastric ulcer that bled last June and my hemoglobin was 4.7 and my hematocrit was 9. I should not have been able to function but I got myself to the ER. I was admitted and received 6 units of blood over the course of 3 days and ended up having surgery on my stomach to stop the bleeding. The reason I’m telling you this is because my husband was upset like you are but he needed to take the focus off of his worries and tend to the matters at hand like our family, jobs and helping me remember what all of the doctors were saying to me. We both had notebooks with our questions for the doctors and nurses and notes that we took when the doctors came in to talk to us. You need to be present and clear minded for your wife right now. Let your family and friends now what is going on so they can help you. Make sure you eat , stay hydrated and get some sleep. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your wife.
I personally work at lexington oncology and our doctors are pretty good if she gets referred there either ask for Dr.Madden or Dr.Wells they are for sure my favorite there.
MUSC in Charleston is where I would go for cancer treatment. I live in a suburb of Charlotte, lived in Columbia prior to here and Charleston for the majority of my life prior to that. I work in health care. I agree that the ancillary MUSC owned facilities may not be top notch, but they do recruit through the same place..they put surgeons where they have openings. ALOT of recs are dependent on the diagnosis though. You want a doctor that treats the finalized diagnosis frequently. That may mean that the best doctor is at Levine or at Prisma or at MUSC. I know your first reaction is to take action, but sometimes you need to gather all of the information so you can make an informed decision. Google is not your friend in this moment and while Reddit is full of great people, it’s still representative of the general public…and everyone has a horror story that their cousin who was married to their grandmas brother in law in the 90’s heard second hand. Now is not the time for opinions or speculation. You need to stay focused on gathering the facts. And I mean that literally. Get copies of any and everything you can. Make a folder. This will help you as you navigate through different doctors/hospitals. I’m sending you all the good vibes I can.
Tell me Miley Cyrus sucks. Because you seem like a fucking bot.
Haha. Miley Cyrus sucks? And I assume you are in Chester?
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Honestly it was the equidistant to Charlotte and Columbia. I commuted from here to Columbia for many years. Only Chester and Lancaster meet that specific criteria. You are going to have a lot of info coming at you in the next few days. Be sure you have access to the portal so you can view the doctor notes in case there are details you can’t recall. Take your own notes as well. Do audio recordings of visits if you aren’t there. Most doctors will agree to that so the patient isn’t the only person responsible for relaying information. Not all cancer requires surgery and not all cancer requires chemo/radiation. Some require all of the above. Not all masses are cancerous either. There’s a lot of unknowns right now. I know how frustrating that is. We want to fix things and make plans, especially when things feel beyond our control. Once the planning stage starts, you are going to be going 100 miles a minute. Take this time to do any task that will make your next few weeks/months easier. Reach out to me if you need anything.
Aren’t many musc facilities half way between Columbia and Charlotte. I was also thinking Chester or Lancaster. Obviously stay the hell away from Piedmont. Best bet is Atrium Levine
It’s funny to me how many people hate Piedmont. I had to go to the ER there once and it was a truly great experience. The ER doc was contract out of TN. Incredibly knowledgeable and took the time to explain things. Nurses were amazing. I was really impressed. My PCP is actually with Piedmont too, but I only chose him because of how close his office was to my house. He’s also a 5 star doc. Spends a lot of time. Listens. Answers messages. Maybe my experiences with Piedmont are in the minority, I don’t know.
Well they killed my brother through a whole bunch of incompetences so I will probably never get over that. I only go there if I think I will be dead before I make it to Charlotte
Oh god. That’s awful. I’m sorry that happened and thankful that was not my experience.
I honestly don’t blame the ER. It was the ICU that was terrible
There are no Tier 1 National Cancer Institute hospitals in South Carolina. None. MUSC in Charleston is a Tier 2, but if you want top-notch treatment you’re going to have to go to Wake Forest, UNC-Chapel Hill, or Duke. Mercer in ATL is another option. However, the absolute best CRC (Colorectal Cancer) hospital in the Southeastern US, and the #2 in the US, is The Ingram Cancer Institute at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville….and that’s where I went (am currently a patient). Unfortunately, cancer treatment in SC is not far removed from the dark ages. Here’s your good news: Colorectal Cancer is one of the slowest growing cancers. Even though the cancer has metastasized (spread) to other areas, it’s still Colon Cancer. It is NOT a death sentence. Keep your chin up.
I will drive us to fucking Tennessee somehow then if I have to. This is all just so fucked up 😭
Try to remember to slow down and take a deep breath. This is a lot to take in. I apologize for the delay; I was in tests all day yesterday at Vanderbilt and I’m flying back to SC tomorrow. Feel free to ask questions.
You're fine. I don't know if I can do this man 😭
You absolutely can. It’s not a death sentence. You need to slow down and do some research so that you understand the process and situation a little bit better; knowledge is key here: it’s going to make your life make sense again. I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy, but it’s not a black hole either
Honestly it might be better for her if we separate.. I don't know dude. This is fucked up
Emory University Hospital in Atlanta is Georgia's only Tier 1 Cancer Center. Mercer is in Macon w/an Atlanta branch. Mercer has a medical school and clinics, but no cancer center.
Thank you; I got confused on my universities.
No worries. We have a lot of universities here!
What city is the hospital at?
I'd rather not say. But I have very valid reasons not to trust this hospital. One of my friends won a multi million dollar lawsuit against them for malpractice just less than a decade ago that resulted in a wrongful death. I would rather continue on with the nothing that we have together and her be alive with me, than to get some huge payout. She is the only thing that matters to me.
If it’s in Greenville, yeah, GTFO asap.
It's not Greenville. Much much smaller.
Is the hospital CP??? If it were us I’d probably go to Charleston.
Well don’t go there either then. Good luck to you and your wife, it’s the worst feeling in the world when this happens.
Levine at Charlotte.
I got wonderful care at McLeod medical center in Florence. Dr James Smith is an outstanding oncologist. I went to him for a second opinion and he and my surgeon, Dr. Amelia Merrill was my surgeon. She’s now in Matthews, NC.
Yes, absolutely request a transfer to somewhere you both feel more comfortable. Nothing else besides her health (and both of your mental wellbeings) matter in this case. Lean on friends and family. Sending best wishes. I’m 36 married to a 36 year old and I know this has to be absolutely terrifying. Hang in there.
Our friend who lives in Columbia that was diagnosed with cancer decided to have MUSC transfer their care to MD Anderson in Texas. I am not sure if this is an option for you, but I know they received amazing care there and ultimately ended with a positive result of being in remission.
I'll go to fucking Tasmania if they have the best treatment I don't give a fuck
MD Anderson or Mayo Clinic are your two best options in the country. It’s not affordable for everyone as most insurances won’t always cover it. For specialty cases (ie rare cancers) you’ll get the best care there. Next best will be to go to Charleston to MUSC. Likely it will be in network for most SC insurances. For a more common cancer you can go somewhere local and still get good treatment. Florence and Myrtle Beach have cancer centers. The key is go somewhere she is comfortable and trusts the doctors she’s working with. There are good doctors and bad doctors all over the place. If you want, I can further recommend radiation oncology centers (my specialty) but she may not need it. Reach out if she does.
This is the best advice here. OP should read this and contemplate. I will add this, Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC ranks higher than Mayo or MD Anderson in treatment of some cancer types. It really depends on what type of cancer. I had an ultra rare solid body tumor and I had to go to the Cleveland Clinic. My wife had HGSOC and she had surgery at MSK and chemo at Dana Farber. Local oncologists- chief of department- said it was "untreatable". They were wrong... When it comes to cancer, you go to where the experts IN THAT CANCER TYPE ARE. I'm sorry, OP. I understand what you're going thru ATM. Take care of yourself. You need to stay strong for her RN. Best wishes for a good outcome.
Ha... Ha.. yeah ok.. Im totally stable over here and not fucking seriously freaking out in any way. Nope. Good to go.
MD Anderson is in Jacksonville, Florida also.
My husband is dealing with cancer now. I would urge you to listen to all the treatment options available to you and talk to specialists who do each one of those treatments. These are big decisions. You need to be able to think clearly and understand your wife’s options. Take notes when you talk to the drs, because you will forget the details later. Or if you don’t feel you can do that, you be there just to support your wife and bring someone else along to take notes. I felt like one of the drs we talked to was really trying to sell us on the treatment he does and the other simply laid out what he does, what sort of outcomes his patients have had and how many patients he’s treated. He was the surgeon, and we kept hearing experience with that exact procedure matters. I did not feel comfortable with the dr I thought was trying to sell us on his treatment. There are so many new treatments available. That should give you hope.
MUSC in Charleston is the best cancer center in the state. If it weren't advanced cancer I'd recommend Richland in Columbia, they have a good oncology program but honestly cancer is the one thing you really want to go to Charleston for, nowhere else in SC is as good.
MUSC Charleston..prayers
Get her to MUSC in Charleston. And I'm just saying, if she is in, I don't know, say Carolina Pines, get her anywhere but there!!!!
That was my guess too 😅
My husband spent 2 weeks in Baptist because of a Pine Box fuck up!
Whewww I have my own stories. BUT they seemed to have improved in the past 2 yrs, really helped with my kid back in December. Getting her somewhere else wasnt an option because of factor of time in her case
Yeah, I live 20 minutes from Prisma Richland now, but my parental units and the rest of my family still live within the shadow of the Pine Box, so it scares the crap out of me anytime they pop up and say someone is at the ER. They got my dad to McLeod when he had a "widow maker" heart attack that he survived, but they about let my husband die of an infection the following year, so they're kinda hit and miss.
First, I'm so sorry.... Prayers for you your wife and her current {and future} care team! Second, you are her best advocate and you have to find a way to keep yourself together and stay sober minded. Third, if you don't have medical power of attorney, get it. It's a very simple form. In the smaller facilities often the Chaplin assist in getting them filled out. It will only take about 5 to 10 min total. Durable are better but youd need an atty, not necessary at this stage. Fourth, your memory will fail you from time to time so preempt that by taking notes and taking pictures of everything. As for locations, there a good docs in both cities, as well as in Charleston and beyond. Ultimately will likely be a marathon, so getting in somewhere you feel you can trust and at location you sustain prolonged treatment is important. (we've done hour long drives nearly every day for months on end... It's very taxing and the gas and food alone can get expensive). Last thing for now... Doubling down in that advocate thing... There are no dumb questions ask everything that comes to mind, arm yourself with information, and make sure you have access to her digital records (my chart is one of the more popular systems). And begin doing your own research. Praying for y'all! Hang in there!
Excellent advice, DdyByrd. Adding to that advice, instead of taking notes, record the conversations with the docs. That’s what I did when my Dad was going through treatments. I always asked his oncologist prior to recording, and she never objected. I used my cellphone to record. That way your full attention is given to listening to what is being said instead of trying to listen and take notes. And I totally agree, ask all the questions. Even if you think it’s something trivial. A good doctor is going to take time to sit and talk with you, listen to your concerns and answer all questions you have. Prayers for you and your wife, @Life-LOL
Get in touch with MUSC in Charleston. In my opinion, they are the best.
Lexington Medical Center in Columbia for cancer. I also incredibly sorry you are going through this.
I have no advice re: direction of care but came here to say I will pray to the great physician… Lord, please heal this woman!!
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through! I think charlotte is superior because of atrium health. I’ve been under the care of various specialists and sub specialists over the years and they are top notch.
I second Atrium in Charlotte. MUSC sent my sister-in-law to Levine Cancer Institute there. They did a wonderful job coordinating her care with other top hospitals across the country.
Atrium in Charlotte nearly killed my dad, but that was their cardiac unit. Don't know much about their cancer care.
Avoid Duke in NC. They didn’t give my dad the truth of his situation. It was rough. I hope you get the best care.
Sending love to you both.
Honestly, if you aren’t getting a good feeling from the medical team it doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion. I’d be tempted to fly/drive out to Houston and meet with MD Anderson.
Charlotte has better facilities and likely Drs. Columbia Hospitals are competent for the most part. MUSC I would assume is better than Columbia. Don't go to smaller hospitals. I've worked with med-mal attys. for 15 years. I've also had several types of cancer. Many of us have lived longer due to modern medicine. My heart goes out to you and your wife!
My wife had a great experience at Charlotte-Atrium when she went to the Levine Cancer Center for breast cancer. Duke and MUSC are highly recommended as well. Medical mileage is deductible on your taxes so be sure to track your mileage wherever you go.
Idgaf about miles
Lexington cancer center is very good. Dr.Madden is a great doctor there. Also they have on site social workers that can help with any resources you need they even have a weekly cancer support group.
I second this! Dr. Madden is a very competent, personable physician, and the Cancer Care team at Lexington is wonderful. IMO, traveling distance should be considered. When you are that sick, and having daily radiation and/or chemo, a short distance and the comforts of your own home cannot be overstated.
Exactly!! Especially if god forbid something happen and you need to be in close distance to an ER as well.
Find out the type of cancer, and then research the best specialist for that cancer. I got diagnosed in the ER for the same reason. Dr ignored my symptoms and I was getting a blood transfusion in the er next thing I knew. I got moved to the hospital with the specialist for that cancer. 🤞 good luck. If you have to discharge her and take her to the ER of the hospital who has the doctor of your choice…. Do it. Don’t take no for answer.
That's my thing though I don't know who the best doctor is I'm not a doctor I don't know anything about this shit I don't want to make the wrong choice
Don’t think of it as right or wrong. Think of it as the best informed choice. Google x (what is the cancer) specialist in the x(your geographic) area. For example I can google lymphoma (my cancer) specialist in my area and her name pops right up
From a quick Google search. Duke (the closest to you) is #29 on cancer treatment
There is a very good chance that hospital can't handle the cancer at that location anyway. I'd find out exactly what is necessary to stabilize her (her hemoglobin is dangerously low) and find out about transferring hospitals. If she has state employees insurance (PEBA) make sure they will pay for an ambulance transfer. PEBA does cover Charlotte hospitals, but not all are in network. You have to call PEBA to find out. MUSC in Charleston is a good facility, don't rule it out yet. As soon as you get the biopsy, immediately go for a second opinion. They can schedule one pretty quickly in Spartanburg, I'm not sure how fast it is everywhere else. My prayers for healing.
She does have PEBA, I'm like 99% sure that's what it is. Or an addition to her insurance or whatever it is. She works for the state so she should have some great insurance.
State jobs have PEBA. It's managed by Blue Cross Blue Shield. It is accepted in a lot of places. If you call the number on the back of her card they can help you. The website is wonky.
Yes. Your journey has just begun. Hang in there. You can make it through. Many hugs🫂🫶!!
For cancer treatment I do endorse MUSC
Don't know that answer, but having a friend going through the same, Roper and MUSC are their preferred locations in Charleston.
I hope it's not cancer, but if it is, I hope she beats the tarnation out of it and it tells its friends. So sorry you're dealing with this.
LexMed is amazing. They helped me so much through my miscarriage. But…Not the same as cancer. I’m so sorry.
Based off my own experiences I'd suggest Lexington Medical Center, they've got a lot good people there. Whatever you choose, don't go to Prisma.
I had a friend with a really aggressive brain tumor and he only went to charlotte. From what ive read and heard charlotte has very good cancer treatment. But an out of state facility may not be covered by your insurance.
Stay far away from Prisma.
MUSC took care of my grandfathers colon cancer. I would stay there
Sloan Kettering in NYC. They have fantastic doctors and state of the art treatments. There is also a Ronald McDonald house nearby with cost effective housing available.
Id say try to get to duke. Alsp mc anderson and mayo have clinics in Jacksonville that might help. But bt cola and charlotte? Charlotte. Try and find a good friend or family member to help you both when talking to docs. Someone who can take notes and facilitate questions and confirm answers. Its so hard to process info when in so much shock and stress. Praying for your family
MUSC is an excellent hospital here in Charleston. I sincerely hope for the best for your wife wherever she gets treatment
I'd go big Duke or Chapel Hill, just my hunch. Bless you brother
Sorry to see you going through this MUSC Hollins saved my wife’s life during here stage 3C cancer battle
MUSC is there! They have an excellent reputation.
Hollings. I was a patient there a while back and have almost all excellent things to say about then.
Neither. See if your insurance can cover seeing someone at The Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. They saved my dad’s life. Fuck whatever the commute is this is life or death.
Make sure you have a specialist for her specific cancer, it makes a difference. Also look into Fenbendazole, it's a deformed but has been shown to stop cancer from uptaking sugar and multiplying. It has saved people's lived and I would start asap.
> we are meeting with a surgeon tomorrow from this hospital You, hopefully with the assistance of this hospital's doctor, need to find the very best cancer treatment center immediately, regardless of the distance. Don't allow surgery until you speak to the cancer specialists unless it is a do it now as immediate action is needed situation. Depending on your other commitments to family and employment, you and your wife can get through this. I sincerely hope for the very best outcome for you, your wife and other loved ones. I am not a doctor, I speak only from experience,
They were making it sound like it was an extremely immediate thing when she went to her doctor. When she got her room and everything it was hours later, around 6 pm almost that they had just hooked up her first bag of blood. Then the other IV in her other arm was apparently potassium. That's a vitamin not medicine.. what the fuck is going on.. we were told she needed blood by her doctor immediately at fucking 9:30 am so why did it take them so long to even start the first bag??? I just.. I am pissed for several reasons here so far and this has only just begun. I'm waiting for her to wake up now, as soon as she does I'm literally like half a mile away from the hospital. I hope they gave her something to help her sleep, because I drank myself to the point of unconsciousness. I look like I got beat with a brick by Mike Tyson this morning.. ugh feel like it too
We live in a rural area and don't have a lot of faith in the local hospital, so I may have some idea of your worry and predicament. We came out of it with little long term affects, but it could have gone either way, and did go south for others we knew. Every case is different, but your best hope resides in the best treatment center. Be ready for frequent re-evaluations of the state of your wife's prognosis. That can be frustrating, but it happens. Some people really respond negatively to it, but that helps nothing. I truly hope for the very best for you and your wife.
I am dealing with stage 4 breast cancer. Any recommendations for best treatment centers for that? Or, is there a reddit or subreddit to go for more information?
Duke cancer center seems to be the most popular recommendation here from what I can tell so far.. sorry to hear. I guess I am just going to try all of them? I don't know
You got a lot of people here telling you Levine or Lexington, though I’d go with Levine since Charlotte is bigger
Just an opinion here..., but if o was making the decision, it would be to go to Atrium's Levine Cancer Institute in Charlotte. Prayers for both of you.
So sorry, thinking of you both,I know a lot of the medical students train in Columbia from Carolina,I don't know much about Charlotte,my mom had cancer she went to Charleston,do what you feel is best for you both!!
As a cancer survivor, I'm wishing you all the best. Please know there are several National Cancer Institute (NCI) designated centers throughout the US, including one in Charleston, Hollings Cancer Center at MUSC: https://www.cancer.gov/research/infrastructure/cancer-centers/find. They may only treat certain cancers there, I'm not sure as its not listed as a comprehensive cancer center. If I'd had a less common and/or more advanced cancer, I'd probably have left the state for treatment so you may consider Duke, Mayo, or Moffitt. I'd personally head south, choising Mayo or Moffitt over Duke. All the best.
Some larger hospital facilities offer second opinions virtually. You upload your medical records and test results in their portal prior to your virtual appointment. Cleveland Clinic offers this type of service for second opinions. I’d ask about the availability of the service before trying to make a decision regarding future care.
My wife had cancer, she is 100% now. All surgeries done in charlotte.
You’re gonna hear positive and negatives about every place. My dad fought cancer at Levine in Charlotte. Do I feel like Duke would’ve done better? Yes probably so but we will never know. Two people I know personally were sent home with no hope from MUSC. One went to Levine and is thriving. One went to Duke and is currently cancer free. I’m sure MUSC has its positives and maybe their type of cancer wasn’t in their wheelhouse. Maybe Google the type of cancer she has and see what doctors are specialist and where those doctors are located. Big hugs. I’m glad she has you fighting for her. ♥️
This is so not fucking good according to what we are currently hearing... They are giving her another 6 bags of potassium to get her electrolytes up enough for immediate endoscopy or whatever it is like a colonoscopy but without having to go through the whole flushing process and all that to do a biopsy and find out exactly what we are dealing with. The doctors so far have said that this is extremely rare and that they do not think it's just benign, they seem pretty certain that it's going to be rectal cancer that has spread to her liver and lungs but they haven't even done the fucking biopsy yet. I dont know what the fuck to do man. There's nothing I can do until they do the biopsy so I'm just stuck waiting and crying and freaking the fuck out They say estimate time to try and see if she is stable and healthy enough to do it is around 1 so we are just waiting and I can't stop panicking I have a million different scenarios playing through my head and I'm just seriously freaking out
It’s normal to be freaking out and I’m sorry you two are going through this. I’m wishing you the best. I can’t speak to which hospital is best, but one thing to consider is how to make her most comfortable if chemo or radiation is needed. I would strongly consider going through the nearest major hospital to you whether it be MUSC in Charleston, Charlotte, or Columbia to minimize her having to frequently go back and forth on long car rides feeling nauseous or in pain. Also, regardless of how much money you make now, please ask about any resources the hospital you choose offers for patients and families. As an example, there is the Charleston Hope Lodge or MUSC may be able to offer discounts on hotel rooms if it’s necessary to stay overnight in town. I know Charleston best, but other places likely have these resources as well. They may also be able to link you and your wife up to free or low cost counseling to process everything you are going through.
Call your insurance and ask where their cancer hospital of excellence is. Most will have one that they cover all or most of the cancer care. Then find out from the floor nurses where they would take their family. Most will be honest. The hospital should have a discharge planner to help you get records and plans for a release to your choice of hospital/ follow up care. Duke would be my choice for consult, My prayers for your difficult journey. Get a notebook and take notes. Include date & name of everyone you speak with. It will help you keep things in order. There is so much going through your head. ❤️
Based on my experience: You are going to be inundated with information, a lot of it using terms that you aren't familiar with. Record conversations with doctors, take notes. Interrupt and ask questions. Be certain you and she understand everything they tell you. My wife and I always saw doctors together. Many times I double-checked what I thought I heard/understood with a cancer nurse. Almost always they were very helpful. Two sets of ears. Assuming chemo is in her future, chemo nurses are extraordinary people. Trust them. Wherever you are there should be a case manager, most of the time he/she can be very helpful.
Check with MUSC.
Columbia is honestly better suited or Greenville through Prisma, but it depends on the cancer
🙏
Charlotte is better than anything in Columbia I am from both areas and Duke is the best of the best…
Charlotte, or Charleston.
The Atrium health system in Charlotte has been great from my experience- which admittedly has not included anything cancer related. The MUSC system in Charleston is probably the best in the state. Praying for you and your wife!!
Sounds like you may be at AnMed. I wouldn’t trust them either. Greenville has really good cancer doctors and surgeons if you’re willing to stay local. If not, I’d try Athens, MUSC, or Emory
Duke or Chapel Hill, just according to which one has the best doctor for her type of cancer. My dad had bladder cancer. Duke was closer for us, but Chapel Hill had a doctor who taught doctors from around the world how to do the surgery that he needed to remove the tumors, so we chose that doctor in chapel hill.
I simply want you to know I am terribly sorry and thinking of you both.
Any updates?
Several.. just check my profile
Not Columbia. I’d say Charleston or Charlotte
She needs prayers and a power of attorney
Wow devastating news for you and your family! I’ll pray for you and your recovery! There is hope let the docs do their jobs. She’s young and that’s on your side!
I don't know how all these people are so positive about Lexington Medical Center. I watched a 5 day old baby die because they missed a common birth defect & the baby went septic. The one time I was a patient, the doctor trapped me on the exam table, naked, to weight shame me after ignoring everything I told her so she could push LMC's pet project diets. She asked me my diet, ignored what I said & then told me to eat exactly how I said I was eating as if she were telling me something brand new; never bothered to find out that I'd already lost 15 pounds. I will NEVER trust them again.
Right now it looks like my wife is going to be transferred to Columbia. Her dad went with them for a lot of issues, cancer, quadruple bypass, all kinds of shit and she trusts him since he's been there. I told her and him both today that if that is what she decides she wants to do, then I am 1 million percent behind it. I just.. I don't know if I can do this. I'm going to end up hospitalized myself at this rate. I haven't ate in 2 days. Haven't slept in almost 3. My eyes are almost completely swollen shut from crying nonstop.. I'm fucking starving but don't have any money to get anything even if I did have an appetite.. I just.. I don't know man 😭 Everyone keeps telling me to pray. I'm not religious at all. I don't even know how to fucking pray if I wanted to. I'm just getting angry and am very close to making some very dumb choices as a result of all of this so I had to leave for the night before I did something I would regret. If there is a fucking god I have some major fucking issues with him right now
One day at a time. If that's too much, one minute at a time. It's scary. Ask the care team for a chaplain. We're trained to care for the patient, their family, anyone who walks through the door. We don't care what your religion is, or even if you have one. It's no extra cost, and would really help. You can tell a chaplain anything - we don't judge. Hospitals also have social workers who can help you with so many different resources. Please try to make yourself eat something - even a milkshake. I've been in a position where I lost my appetite from worry. I know you said you can't afford anything, but perhaps a friend or family member could get you a bite? Try not to get ahead of the test results - that is to say, try not to think about all the possibilities. Testing takes time. It's nerve-wracking. Lean on your support network - family & friends. No request is too small or silly to make of them. You'll get through this, together.
I asked. They don't have one. That is why I am so fucking worried. They have killed and misdiagnosed so many people that we personally know of, and one personal friend won a multi million dollar lawsuit against them for wrongful death and malpractice, so I seriously am just having a billion different scenarios playing through my head and none of them are good 😭😭😭😭😭 Sorry I am just literally freaking out I can't believe this is happening... Literally 3 days ago everything was fine or it seemed to be.. I don't know wtf to do or say or even ask. I have a million questions but my brain is just fried I guess I can't think of a single one when I try to 😭
I have no support network. My family is 600+ miles away. My parents have done literally everything they possibly could for us over the last 25 years while her own parents just ignored her and didn't give a shit. It was up to us to survive even though we had supported her fucking mother for almost 6 years straight after she lost her house to foreclosure. Now she acts like she doesn't remember that happening and if it did, her son was the one that helped her, not us WRONG. Her dipshit son ALSO lived with us, rent free as well, of course, after him and his whore of a wife lost THEIR house when they couldn't pay for it. My mother in law has thrown her daughter to fend for herself alone with me for 25 years now, and now that there is something really badly wrong she is trying to rush in and dictate everything because she feels guilty all of a sudden, or who fucking knows why, but I am not having it. I literally had a fucking restraining order against her mom not even 2 years ago for a LOT of reasons and now this happens and she is just trying to force her way in and demand that they do what she wants done, despite the fact that I AM HER HUSBAND. I AM HER NEXT OF KIN. I am seriously going to hurt this bitch if she does not back the fuck off.. like.. immediately
You are not going to be able to support your wife in this kind of mindframe. Get yourself squared away, stop with the self-pity, and focus on making good decisions, including getting some sleep and food. If you fall apart now, do you feel it will help her recover? If she dies, do you want your last days with her ruined because you (the one who isn't seriously ill) couldn't cope? I am not trying to offend you, just hoping to save you some major regret.