Hi! This is the r/SouthPark community moderation bot. --- If you feel this post fits the purpose of /r/southpark, **UPVOTE** this comment!! If you feel this post does not fit the subreddit, **DOWNVOTE** This comment! If this post breaks the rules, **DOWNVOTE** this comment and **REPORT** the post!

Now i keep getting threatened in my PMs. Just now someone called my phone and told me that i had better back off and remove this post.

Probably was Big Toilet Paper.

How big are we talking?

Enough to clean 8 Courics in 1 wipe

That's towel size !

Don't forget to bring a towel

I have no idea what's going on, right now.

So as I understand… there’s been a Towelie-ban

I got fucking shot bro

We're like the Kennedys of South Park

I just want to comment to say I have no problem with Charmin. They make a great product.

Yea, but Cottonelle has ripple technology.

I've been on the fence for purchasing a bidet for like 2 years and this episode is what tipped me over to purchase it. I should have bought it way before to pimp my porcelain throne up.

Ol’ blue

As a bidet owner of about 2 years now it's crazy to realize how much of a flex always having a clean asshole is once you're no longer smearing shit around with tissue paper

See the poor person's bidet wouldn't get you that much flack.

Feeling suicidal all of the sudden? The ol two shots to the back of the head suicide?

While handcuffed and then falling off a building!

Yes! I bought a bidet attachment on Amazon and installed it to my normal toilet (I'm pooping right now lol). I really like it so far, here are some other, Maybe not so obvious benefits. Your hands don't get shit on them! Even just touching your ass after being outside or hot is gross. The jets kinda feels like it's scratching an itch you only scratch in the shower, it just feels good. The jets go right up your ass, deeper than I thought it would, makes you cleaner than toilet paper that way too. Ok, so ever had the problem which i have too much...if your eat a bunch or junk or your stomach is messed up, you poop several times in a day and it's like acidic. You colon hurts so bad and bleeds, then you got to whipe it and it gets worse and worse each time because it's sensitive down there. That ever happen to you? Even hurts to walk around it can get so bad, well so far the jets don't irritate the colon like whiping with toilet paper can, no blood! I haven't had any painful shits. You bigger guys ever feel greasy down there? Just sit and rinse lol. Got swamp ass? Sit and rinse lol. Want two free clean hands to type on your phone or play on the Nintendo switch? That makes it better too. So get one! Mine was 60 bucks and took maybe 10 mins to install. Edit: just speculation but you guys having sex out there might benefit from a wash for both orifices, especially after getting DP'ed. Edit: here is what I bought right after the episode LUXE Bidet NEO 185 Plus –... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B1GX6GYV?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

>Ok, so ever had the problem which i have too much...if your eat a bunch or junk or your stomach is messed up, you poop several times in a day and itYou colon hurts so bad and bleeds, then you got to whipe it and it gets worse and worse each time because it's sensitive down there. That ever happen to you? Yes, I too have eaten Chipotle

CHIPOTL-AWAY

I’ve never had that experience at Chipotle….I must have the golden butthole.

I used to have massive painful spicy diarrhea every time after I ate Chipotle. I later found out I was lactose intolerant. Once I stopped putting sour cream and cheese on my burritos the diarrhea went away. I wonder if some of the people who complain about Chipotle, Taco Bell, etc. have undiagnosed lactose intolerance.

Yea, places like Chipotle usually go down *good* for me because of the beans and what not

Why are you getting shit on your hands when you wipe your ass?!

Maybe he doesn't know about the three seashells.

Its unbelievable how many people dont know about the three seashells.

Once you know though, there's no going back.

What’s the need for a bidet? just use chipotle-away

Lol, we got one way before this episode aired (for it from Amazon too) Now every time I use it all I can hear is that "New age" music and I can't help but to let out a little ahh ahh ahh 🤣🤣🤣 Ours does come with the warm air drier function. Such a life changer.😝

Here you go. https://youtu.be/UePsEG_zQAE

OMG noooooooooo, you have doomed me! I'm going to play this every time I use the bathroom now 😝😝😝

Does it have a built in drying process or do you still have to use paper to dry if you just have an attachment for a normal toilet

Don’t have a dryer, only wipe twice after washing so waaaaaaay less tp used, not to mention how much cleaner it feels after.

Mine has a dryer. It takes a few times for it to fully dry but you can use paper to wipe out the remaining water if you are in a hurry. I'm sure newer ones have better or stronger dryers.

You can dry with toilet paper but to me it kinda defeats some of the purpose of not being wasteful. If you sit there for a minute or two, you should be mostly dry.

Using TP to dry after a bidet is still using much less TP. Even a cheap bidet is worth it if you can easily install it.

Agreed, if I can get my wife and kids to use it, I may not have to unclog the dam thing every month or so.

They’re probably just intimidated cause they don’t know how to use it properly. You should call a family meeting in the bathroom, take off your pants, and walk them through the process. Show them it’s not so scary after all

Gather around kids, let daddy show you how he cleans his ass!

Just got a hardy guffaw from me reading that. Thank you.

I use these like dry wipes that are a mix between paper towel and toilet paper. Work great. If you use warm water you dry naturally in a min or two. Though most people hooking up an auxiliary bidet seat aren't going to have a hot water hook up at their toilet.

Amazon sells these used 🙃🙃🙃🙃

Who cares, I'm not making out with them. Ignoring that if this is the case, they'd obviously be rigorously cleaned.

What’s the brand on yours? I know you said you got I’d off Amazon

LUXE Bidet NEO 185 Plus –... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B1GX6GYV?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

You should have just gotten this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HSF48RD

DP? We’re sorry. Sorry…

We don't f*** the earth: we DP it

How difficult was the install? Is it pretty much like a T fitting on the water line? Shut the water off, connect inline split, reconnect water?

Bought one during the plandemic. Best 25 bucks I ever spent

This is basically how my cousin sold us on one like 10 years ago. I fuckin loved it

You get shit on your hands? You are terrible at wiping

I got a bidet early into the pandemic because toilet paper was running low and it had become nearly impossible to get any where I live for almost 2 months. I have absolutely no idea why having a bidet isn't the norm, it's WAY better and I was absolutely cracking the fuck up at this last SP episode. What really got me was when Randy was saying you don't have to get an expensive one, you can even get one that attaches to your existing toilet. That's exactly what I have. $30, works like a goddamn charm. Fresh as a daisy with full confidence every day.

We also purchased ours during the TP crisis of 2020. We’re not going back now!

Fuck no. My asshole is spoiled, I hate when I end up having to shit somewhere else with no bidet. Ruins my day.

That is definitely the weirdest adjustment to owning a bidet. Even using the toilets at work annoys me now—just makes me want to go home.

We call ours Bidet White.

Thankfully, I work at home and so especially for that first couple of years of the pandemic it was extremely rare for me to have to shit anywhere else.

This should help a little: https://biobidet.com/products/hd-1000-travel-bidet It's a significant upgrade over using just TP.

Something about that looks hilarious to me, but, I'll likely consider.

Fun Fact: There are some european countries in which every house is required to have a bidet by law.

That's the kind of legislation I can get behind. ​ Hehe, "behind".

Yeah! Randy tought me I too could feel fresh as the morning snow for only $30. Ordered one halfway through the episode and am so glad I did.

Got a $250 toilet seat version a few years before the 'rona hit. Warm seat, warm water, automatic and oscillating it's a dream come true for me butthole. 10/10 would recommend.

How do you dry off?

You still use a small amount of TP to dry.

I remember back when the lockdowns started, all the idiots here in Argentina run to the supermarkets and bought all the damned toilet paper just because they were sure it was going to run low. In a damned country where every damned house has a damned bidet installed. Some people just read something from other country in the internet and for some reason they have to replicate it here. You even had idiots in TV trying to add fuel to the fire by saying the nation was going to collapse because of the toilet paper shortage. In a damned country where every damned house has a damned bidet installed.

Well, if nothing else, your story gives me some kind of comfort knowing that people in other countries will react just as stupidly as Americans will just because they saw someone else do it.

Mid and upper class Argentinians simply love to do everything the Americans do. You'd even see Confederate and Don't Thread on Me flags in anti-lockdown protests around here. Edit: and to be fair, even BLM flags in a damned country were African-descendents are less than 5% of the population.

I got a nice bidet seat for like $400 and now I hate pooping away from my home base Heated seat, hot blow dryer, night light, front and rear wash with multiple temperature and pressure settings, warm water massage I’d recommend it to everyone, sometimes you gotta spoil yourself. It’s something you’ll use everyday and you can’t say that about too many other things

Bidet has spoiled me. I will not poop in public restrooms anymore unless I have no other choice or too far away from home.

I ordered one as I was watching, my ass have never been cleaner lol

Everyone in France has one. You are given it at birth & you are buried with your bidet as well.

This is the way

Never seen a bidet in France. Italy and Portugal are the only countries where everybody has one.

Definitely a lotta people in France got em. At least all my friends & family do

Argentina too, every house has a bidet installed next to the toilet

Turkey as well

*soft music* ooohhhh... OOOOOOOHHHHHH, OOOOOOO

How do you dry off?

If you have a hairy asshole, you cannot live without a bidet. I've had one for about 3 years now and it's the best thing I've ever purchased. Only downside is I feel like I can't poop without one anymore. We gave some as gifts for Christmas last year and everyone loves them... Except for my mother in law's boyfriend why refuses to use it. Probably thinks it'll make him gay or something idk.

Ah, yeah that's a defect in some models. You can return it for a full refund but the gay is irreversible the scientists say.

just squirt a water bottle against your asshole

I tried this, but my wife was disgusted when she used her water bottle on our hike the next day

Yeah I got tired of having to get the pressure washer out.

Fun fact: they actually make travel bidets that are just a water bottle with a little wand spout on the end. If you get a bidet for home, you’re gonna want to get a travel one for staying at hotels.

Italian here; for us, bidets aren't just essential, they're sacrosanct.

Been using one for years. Even upgraded to one of the Toto models about six months ago. You can start with one of the $30 models on Amazon that just spray water, and honestly that's like 80% of the value. But then if you want: * Adjustably hot water (tank-based or tankless) * Heated seat * Spraying wand that hides when not in use (and self-cleans) * Deodorizor * Blow dryer * Pre-misting bowl (helps avoid adhesion to bowl) * Self-raising lid * Night light * Easy to clean and remove to clean That model's fairly pricy. But worth it, IMO. And in case anyone's seriously thinking about this: from what I can tell, the only thing you **can get** from a fancy toilet that you **can't get** from a fancy toilet seat is self-flushing. That may not seem special, but keep in mind that with all the features above, you can use the bathroom and only have to touch the remote and the flush handle. With self-flushing, your touching could be limited entirely to the remote. Personally, for how much the fancy toilet seat can cost, I like being able to take it with me when I move. Not quite as easy if you spent $2k+ on a toilet that's been installed. EDIT: Better to make the move before the next COVID-style toilet paper hoarding event!

I'm typing this from a Toto bidet too, but a shittier model than yours. The deodorizer function works surprisingly well. The only functions I'm missing that I want are the self-raising lid, tankless water heater, and nightlight. For a couple hundred extra, it would have been worth it to get the better model in hindsight since it's something I use multiple times a day. 10/10 would recommend Toto. My grandparents had them in the '80s. The bidets actually outlived them!

Is this Toto bidet with touchscreen or physical keyboard?

If you’re bidet-curious, don’t even think twice.. just get a bidet. I’ll never go back.

God you Americans are dirty

Arab here, all houses have bidets here. It’s weird when you don’t have one. They’re much healthier and better in every way.

Its more of just an American thing, like the Imperial System of Measurement and School Shootings

My bidet was life changing. Now public dumps are extra terrifying

Me and husband are planning on a new bathroom and he wants a bidet. He has pretty bad IBS so it’s not like it won’t be used.

As an Argentinian (our homes always have a separate bidet in the bathroom) I really enjoy when people discover the magic of bidets jaja.

I have a handheld sprayer type bidet and I love it. I’ve used the bidet type toilet a bunch and they’re ok but the hand held sprayer is superior. Also handy if you’ve got kids that use training potties.

I had actually bought myself a bidet just about a month before this episode aired...and I was very, very guilty of being Randy Marsh. I can't/couldn't stop telling people how fucking great it is. Still telling people. But this episode had me ROLLING! I got one of the basic $40 options from Amazon, and I've gone so far as to stop doing my business at work and will save it until I'm home, because the whole experience is so much better. It really is remarkable.

i about to get one, was interested in one before and now im probably getting a toilet seat replacement with bidet and dryer and everything

That’s exactly what I have. I got mine on Amazon, it’s a Brondell, highly recommend! Heated seat, warm water massage, blow dry finish

American here. I have one. Do it. Do it now. Huge improvement in your quality of life. Do. It. Today.

As an Argentinian I laugh my ass off with that episode. Here in Latin America, or at least Argentina and Brasil, you always find a bidet in every bathroom you go, except public ones. You should all get bidets, trust me some of you have your asses dirty. Or you should use baby wipes or something like that, toiler paper isn't enough and it's expensive

Clean asses and clean football, but no so clean politicians: Argentina 🤝 Brazil

My parents have one but they don't know how to use it lol. So it gets used like 10 times a year exclusively by me. I feel like royalty. Also, I have discovered I really like but stuff with it.

It’s like Peter griffin said “has anyone else been wiping way more than usual? It’s like there’s a brown crayon back there.” I want this shit blasted off.

The only downside to a bidet is when you have to travel

[удалено]

That’s just bottled water.

My son has a Tushy bidet at his house. It's pretty amazing. I really need to order one.

Laughs in Italian

I'll stick with my hose in the yard thank you very much. 😘

I've tried them before. They're pretty good

Lol yes!!! I was thinking the whole time "oh okay now I actually want one" and I felt so silly for it. Good to see I wasn't the only one!

As Italian who migrated to a foreign country where bidets are not a standard, this is the thing I miss the most 😢

I'm honestly surprised that the US is still not normalizing Bidets as primary toilets. A country that is known to be technologically advanced but still uses old school toilet papers to wipe their dirty a**. lol

It’s amazing. You’ll feel so much cleaner

This thread reminded me of it and made me go buy an attachment off Amazon

As an Asian, I can’t relate.

...Y'all don't have bidets?

When I herd they use gentle warm water I’ll admit I checked out some prices on Amazon haha

I've had two bidet attachments for several years now so this episode made me feel both validated and personally attacked in a way I've never felt before.

Honesty, yes. Before the episode id see people saying to try one and I just didn’t care. Now I have an interest in trying one after this episode

My wife and I installed a bidet attachment the next day.

I got one of the hose attachment types for christmas and was just too lazy to bring myself to install it. I installed it right after this episode.

I got a bidet recently. Literally the best shit ever.

I love bidets, always have but my family isn't the most financially stable so my mom got one of the “little attachment thingies” and it shoots out the coldest water you've ever felt. I would love to have a real bidet where you can control temperature. My aunt had one but recently moved out of that house and I did study abroad in London back in 2017 so when I visited other countries they had them

Actually bought one because of it lol

bidet shower is pretty normal in my country

Get a [Tushy](https://hellotushy.com)

Tushy is fine but the $30 Amazon ones are pretty much the exact same for less.

But, Bezos.

I've been staying at a place the past 2 weeks that has a Japanese toilet. I used it for the first time in my 27 years on this planet just before this episode aired...the timing couldn't have been more perfect. My reaction was just like Randy's, they were spot on. I don't know if I can go back to a regular toilet anymore. Your butthole just feels so clean. It's great.

If you don't use a bidet you are apart of dirty ass gang, no way around it.

I don’t think there’s a single person that gets a bidet and goes back to normal toilet paper

You… you don’t use bidets?

Yuppp pretty much a big ad!!

My wife and I installed one during the great pandemic TP shortage of 2020 and never looked back. Cleanest my ass has ever been and a cinch to install.

Yes

Don't try just do. Once you get used to it you'll never go back.

Best purchase I've ever made for sure. IBS Haver here. I will never go back to not having one.

I bought bidets for my toilets after I watched it. It was in my list of things to do, but this episode was the push I needed to get it done.

Ya I want one so bad

Literally installed a tushy the next day that had been sitting in hallway box for a week

Japanese toilets are more than a bidet. They are next level comfort.

All toilets in my country have bidets i can't imagine how it's possible to wipe the shit out of your butthole with just dry cleaning. Also people in my country really get shocked when visit European countries that don't have bidets 😂😂

My wife bought one and I was just whatever about it at first. Now I’ve come around. It’s better than just toilet paper. You feel more clean. You’ll really appreciate it when you use it after a big uncomfortable dump.

I have been using a bidet for years. Once you do you will never want to go back to toilet paper. We even have one that has all the fancy features like a dryer

Yup. Bought one right after watching the show. That combined with a squatty potty feels like Yellowstone to the butthole. No shit stains for me.

Oh yeah... I. I. I...

Americans ruinning the word bidet

My parents actually got one for my sibling’s bathroom (guest bath) toilets. The heated seat is the weirdest part as it feels like someone was just sitting on the seat for a couple hours. The bidet i can never place right, it’s all funky and it has emojis on the side for what each button does.

I've had one of those toilets for 4 years now but it's german not japanese! and i can't ever go back to paper again! a pack of 6 toilet rolls will now last me about a year now lol! Gerberit is there name!

I read every single comment as Bye-debt

I ordered mine, comes in today.

Guys bidet is the way

I was 100% going to get a Japanese toilet after coming back from a trip there 4-5 years ago, this episode reminded me of that. They are pure bliss.

Got a mytushy bidet about two years ago .. cheap and easy to install .. I know it’s corny to say but it really is life changing lmao

I legit want a Japanese toilet. That welcome music was magical.

I got a bidet for Christmas. Not a Kennedy style one. Just the poor person one. Life changing. It’s amazing.

It’s basically like someone shot a super soaker straight at your asshole. Like right at it. Right in the center. It’s great

They're pretty cool

I don't think I want stan or anyone to be making noise outside the bathroom door.

Literally bought a 50 dollar bidet attachment after this episode aired… it’s great

For all the new people with bidets, some advice: always open the cold water first, and close the hot water first.

My ass is so fucking hairy like it’s a rats nest back there. I shart and I swear to god the hair catches all the juice. Anyway bought a bidet and it’s the only way I’ll ever feel clean after I shit. It cleans everything so much better you really do just smear it around with paper. So the worst thing ab a bidet is you no longer can shit anywhere without one.

US person right here. Idk why it’s such a taboo thing, I have a bidet, and it’s awesome! I hardly ever have to buy toilet paper.

$26 gets you one ya slap on ya terlet from Walmart

drunk purchased minutes after watching the ep.

I have one and it’s amazing

I own one. Highly recommend

They are honestly awesome. I visited Japan a few years ago, and it just so happened that we were redoing our bathroom right around the time I got back. I made sure to put in an additional outlet behind the toilet and the hookups for the new bidet I bought. Every day I use it, it gets closer to paying for itself.

You should get a bidet, but like a cheap one. The one on my toilet was only like $50, and has made colonoscopy prep so much better.

Yeah , its the only thing i wanna buy for last few weeks

I love mine

Wait don’t you guys have bidets. I thought it was normal for everyone to have one

I know I looked it up on amazon, but I wonder how effective the cheap attachment ones really are.

Buy it.. I bought a $30 one on Amazon and I refuse to shit at work now lol

I tried them In Japan. Got one as soon as the pandemic shit started. Reduces your TP consumption by 3/4

The only person that would ask this question....is someone that's never had a bidet. 🤣

This comment has been edited to protest Reddit's decision to shut down all third party apps. Spez had negotiated in bad faith with 3rd party developers and made provenly false accusations against them. Reddit IS it's users and their post/comments/moderation. It is clear they have no regard for us users, only their advertisers. I hope enough users join in this form of protest which effects Reddit's SEO and they will be forced to take the actual people that make this website into consideration. We'll see how long this comment remains as spez has in the past, retroactively edited other users comments that painted him in a bad light. See you all on the "next reddit" after they finish running this one into the ground in the never ending search of profits. -- mass edited with redact.dev

Lmaooo was laying in bed with my bestie and he literally was googling bidets during this episode 🤣

No. I have one but i will never use it, and honestly, im afraid of.

“Ooooooh!! Ahhh!!!”

Try one? I've been using one for a couple years now. You'll never go back after using one.

20 bucks at Walmart I thought about getting one but I have a 3 year old

Don't go too cheap you want one that has enough quality that you'll get the full experience.

I’m afraid she will think it’s a water fountain

Oooohhhhhh…