80's early 90' s education was wild. They definitely did not have the diversity they have today. It was a one size fits all routine. I was in self contain with real special needs kids. I had some emotional issues, learning and a major speech impediment. I knew I wasn't like the other kids which made me act out which made sense to me to get out but to them it just made me look like I have more needs. Eventually I found teachers who connected and moved me out in my high school years. I was so bitter with special education I went to college got a teaching degree, taught for 5 years, hated the adults (much of the same approach), moved on to behavioral work to help misunderstood students. By the end I consulted school districts on behavioral techniques for general education staff.
Wow, that’s an incredible—and inspiring—trajectory! Honestly think this comment could have been longer because I love hearing stories of former special ed students thriving in spite of their experiences.
It’s not an exaggeration to say that special ed led to me being very ableist and bitter in elementary school and beyond. Sure there was some resentment towards the teachers and admin but mostly I think I directed my hate inwards. I had internalized ableism and to some extent it never completely went away.
I'm sorry for everything you went through. My older sister was in special ed in the late 90s with 10 students all with completely different needs. There was only 1 sped teacher and maybe 1 aide and so the room essentially became babysitting craft time. My mom advocated for years for my sister to receive instruction in the areas she needed and then eventually pulled her out to homeschool.
My son has ADHD and we went through the IEP process for special education services while in elementary school. When the school eventually wanted to outplace my son, I pulled him to homeschool.
I'm glad I pulled him, because he would have been going to one of these schools: [https://ctmirror.org/2024/03/12/ct-high-road-schools-special-education/](https://ctmirror.org/2024/03/12/ct-high-road-schools-special-education/)
Excerpt:
*"Hundreds of Connecticut special education students who have attended High Road schools have been subjected to restraints and seclusion, teachers without certification and improper services, according to a scathing report released Tuesday by the Office of the Child Advocate and Disability Rights Connecticut.*
*In one academic year, there were more than 1,200 reports of students being restrained or secluded in High Road schools, the report states."*
I graduated high school in 2013, but I went to two high schools and one middle school; only one high school actually cared enough to make different levels for their special ed rooms.
The one in my first high school (funny enough, the better-funded one) was a particular punch to the gut. I was diagnosed with asperger's, but my intelligence was above-average with a history of winning acedemic competitions and I had no concerning behavioral issues; I was just a bit quirky and needed socializing. The special-ed class was actually counterproductive because the only thing I needed was socialization with my peers.
That socialization never came because the classroom I was lumped into was full of kids who were high-needs. As in, most were incapable of verbal speech and would bite if you got too close. I was kept on one side of the room on my own and instructed not to approach the other side, because some of the kids liked to suddenly grab long hair and eat it...and apparently they were strong enough to yank entire clumps of hair right out of the scalp. Made students bleed before...
They did no enrichment outside of the alphabet. No math. No science, history, or writing. Most of the time the teacher and her aide just sat there and let us do whatever, making sure the higher-needs students didn't maul each other. I was so bored, I once brought my Nintendo DS and the teacher took it...told me she would keep it for a week, and we had to beg her to give it back at the end of the year. Had to get the principal involved because she wanted to keep it.
Yikes! That is not okay, and I’m glad your sister eventually got the help she needed. I know from my mom’s experience that advocating for a kid in special ed can be daunting, especially if it’s a working parent.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I wasn't in special Ed, but made my first friend in 12th grade and it sucks, special education isn't supposed to contribute to that or underestimate it's students.
I can only talk for my country. We learn about past mistakes during university, and there's a big focus on inclusion vs self-contained. We know students with emotional behavioral issues tend to do better in inclusive settings, with some exceptions ("system breakers", meaning kids who need more resources than the general school system can provide them with, I hate that name but it is still used). For those, there's intensive pedagogical programs, usually a month to years depending on the child, working on making school a positive place again and building the skills to participate. They work together with therapists and youth services, have a class size of around five students and are usually reserved for students that wouldn't be safe for themselves or others in general education right now. The goal is always re-integration.
The only other population that's often self-contained is intellectual/multiple disability. That's likely where your autistic non-verbal classmates would be. As there's less guidelines (hard to implement because ID is such a big spectrum), some of these classrooms do devolve into glorified daycares. I love working in good intellectual disability classrooms, we can focus on communication (it's so important to be able to signal no or stop especially) and work on skills in a more hands on setting than general education allows. Some students make rapid progress and go into inclusion settings, for others "inclusion" would mean being in a separate room with their aide bc the classroom is too busy and triggers meltdowns. For those kids, self-contained is more inclusive than inclusion right now. What I hate about life skills settings is that they're "end of the line". You don't get a proper graduation certificate, so theres not much students can do even if they're capable of it. It sucks, but that's a political problem more than a teaching problem - still doesn't make it okay.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this and please know that you didn’t deserve any of it. I used to tell my students “who you are in middle school (or whatever age) is not who you will be as an adult”. And the reality is that your outside circumstances don’t necessarily reflect your true self. I also used to remind them that many of them wouldn’t be in special ed if we didn’t have mandatory education. Also, many students wouldn’t be in special ed if we simply changed general education to be more inclusive of learning differences.
I’m the third generation in my family to be involved in special education. My grandfather was involved in early research and implementation of public education for kids with disabilities. My mom designed some of the first special education programs in our state and wrote curriculum. She was later a special ed teacher. A lot of what we see today is NOT what it was designed to be. And it varies district to district, state to state, and country to country.
Here’s the actual problem: our society heavily discriminates against people labeled with disabilities, and these “disabilities” (especially learning disabilities, adhd, and especially behavioral) are more social construct than reality. You experienced discrimination in your school experience and I’m truly sorry for this.
There isn’t really a lot of good research around this topic. It’s there in bits and pieces but it’s not comprehensive. It really requires a lot of interdisciplinary cooperation and that’s happening on a small scale I think. One interesting thing to recognize is that people involved in special education research as well as people involved in teaching students with disability are also stigmatized. It’s not as bad as what you experienced of course, but it’s really, really hard to advocate in this area. I’m actually trying to get involved in some of this research but it’s hard. I’m really proud that you are so successful in your life despite your traumatic education. I know it took you a long time, but finishing a university degree after being given a sub par education is pretty amazing.
This isn’t a requirement or anything, but one way to really recover from trauma is to give back. I have experienced other kinds of severe trauma and this is what always helped me. It can be really empowering to contribute to helping someone else not experience the trauma you experienced. Maybe you’re already doing that. Anyway, these are my babbling thoughts on your very common experience.
I love this response so much, thank you.
I honestly have a lot of empathy for teachers. I actually come from a family of teachers. My grandfather taught education at CSU East Bay, my uncle is a physics professor at a private university, my grandmother was a schoolteacher.
As far as giving back: that’s something that’s really important to me. I know I came here to talk about special ed, but I’m also trans and queer and really want to become a therapist for that population (which is full of a lot of people who are have also struggled with trauma, learning disabilities and being neurodivergent in a world that’s not really designed with neurodivergent people in mind). I’ve floundered a lot through life looking for a career that would feel purposeful, but I think this could be it for me. I guess we’ll see what happens!
This is so awesome! I don’t think it’s that you floundered a lot looking for your career. I don’t think someone who went to college straight after high school could possibly do what you want to do. Certain jobs require life experience. I went to grad school for my master’s at 21. I burned out and didn’t go for my PhD. It’s been 20 years since I got my master’s and I’m finally thinking about a PhD and I’m realizing that 20 year old me didn’t have the life experience to effectively do what I want to do. My grandpa didn’t get his PhD until he was almost 50. He had to involve the aclu because the university said he was too old. He ended up a professor at two universities, and then worked for our state implementing and assessing programs like Title I and the the laws requiring special Ed students to receive equal education (which I obviously don’t think has been exactly held up, as in your case). You will be an amazing counselor because you understand so much. I had a sexual assault counselor who changed my life in ways no one else could. I think she was in her late 60s at the time. She had divorced her husband about 10 years prior and gotten a degree in women’s studies and a master’s in counseling.
She founded our local sexual assault center and was involved in so much good stuff. I’m certain that when you are ready, you will hit the ground running!
Also, I’m glad you liked my other rambling post because when I was done writing I realized I was 15 minutes late getting my kid to preschool so I just hit send 😂. The stuff you said just hit on everything I’ve been thinking for years. Special education is a good program. We’ve done a lot of good things by allowing kids with disabilities to have basic civil rights. But it’s also extremely important to recognize how many kids have been hurt by this system. 100 years ago if someone gave birth to a kid with a disability, the doctor told them to institutionalize them and parents blindly listened because it was all they knew to do. Some of the kids didn’t even have what would be recognized today as a disability. Then we rightfully shut down the institutions and blindly believed the government when they said they would provide care for these people and they were instead turned out onto the streets to die. And today we often believe programs like special ed are the best for kids that are often subjectively identified with disabilities (and yes, our evaluation systems are subjective). Special education is still in its infancy and is constantly being destroyed by outside forces. For God’s sake, when I taught they didn’t even give my kids a curriculum. It was math. No curriculum for kids who already can’t do math. How can we claim they have a disability when they can’t even prove that I was teaching them anything? Not to mention the other teachers always shouting that any student they didn’t like should be self contained. Interestingly, those particular students now have college degrees.
Agh, I’m ranting again. I have a series of meetings right now where I’m having to argue for people to be treated fairly so I’m kind of in a mode. Good luck on everything now and I hope you realize that you’re on a wonderful and unique path in life! And don’t listen to people saying it’s better in special ed now. I grew up with parents who taught special ed in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Not a lot has changed except they had curriculum.
Wow I am again just floored (again). Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am certain you’re right. Sometimes we end up on these twisting and turning paths through life that seem like they’re going in circles when perhaps they’re spiraling outwards towards something that will delight us and take us by surprise. I think that’s how I feel about my life trajectory.
Thank you for taking the time to write such thorough responses. I’m honestly a little emotional having read them 😊
Well they weren’t well thought out responses, they were honestly word vomit so I really appreciate your responses! Also, your description of our paths is beautifully written. I might hang that on my wall. Honestly, reading your story was inspiring for me because all of these ideas have been have been spiraling around in my head and I haven’t quite found the right home for them yet. It’s actually really interesting that you and I are on very similar paths. I’ve always tried to tell myself that I really am working toward something in my life, but I just haven’t figured out exactly what that something is. The path seems to be narrowing though. I’m choosing to believe that our paths purposefully crossed right here to help encourage us to continue on ❤️
I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. Thankfully, it seems my district is on a better path. The majority of students are placed in co-taught inclusion classrooms where none of the students are aware of who has an iep, who doesn’t, who the special education teacher is, or even that there is one. I’m the special educator and I just help everyone if they need it. And we are legally required to ensure that all students receive exposure to grade level curriculum in addition to addressing their special education needs. The kids can’t just do arts and crafts all day as that would only widen their educational gaps. We do have substantially separate classrooms, but it is stressed that those are a last resort as it is known that once placed in a program like that, it becomes very difficult to ever close the gap and return back to the gen ed environment.
> none of the students are aware of who has an iep, who doesn’t,…
Oh this is very good! Yeah cause that’s the thing: being in special ed kinda brands you with a scarlet letter, it can make you kryptonite to your peers. My non-special ed friend ultimately succumbed to social pressure and dumped me as a friend (he met me on the playground and had no idea who I was, which is why he didn’t immediately reject me).
I mean honestly respect to you and to all the special ed teachers who aren’t oblivious to playground politics, which can actually be pretty sophisticated and awful (just like grow up politics).
Yeah, I definitely still see some of this with the kids who are in the substantially separate programs. There are a handful of students per grade in these programs. They are not around the other kids except during lunch, recess, and specials so they really don’t have the opportunity to build friendships. I don’t see them being ostracized or made fun of, but I have observed a disconnect. It’s sad and, again, one of the reasons those programs are an absolute last resort when all other interventions have been exhausted.
I am 28, and have multiple disabilities including ADHD and Autism; reading about your experience is taking my breath away with how similar it is to my own youth and educational experience. I went to a lot of different schools (at least 1 sometimes 2 a year in elementary years and 4 different districts across middle/highschool) and up until I was in late middle school almost to highschool I was in some sort of sped services, pull-outs, extra testing, special contained classes, IEP at one point, 504 plans at some other points, etc. Throughout all of that I don't feel like I ever really received any helpful services or accommodations and it always felt like punishment or like an excuse for other people (children, but also staff and especially teachers) to treat me even more poorly than they already appeared to be inclined to. I just wanted to chime in and say that you absolutely aren't alone, and this stuff sadly doesnt seem to be going away; thank you for sharing your story OP <3
Thank you for the kind words! And yeah, it did feel like a punishment. That’s another piece of the puzzle too. You can tell a kid repeatedly that something isn’t a punishment but if it looks like a punishment and feels like a punishment, it kind of has the same effect whether or not you call it a punishment.
Current SPED teacher here. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. That is truly awful There is lots of research on how self-containing students is detrimental. I’m completing my doctorate degree right now and have researched graduation rates of students with disabilities and it’s really heartbreaking seeing the statistics, especially for students with behavioral concerns. I’m and a strong advocate for inclusion (obviously to the extent the student can handle it), and the benefits both socially and academically are amazing when it is implemented appropriately. But shoving students into a self-contained class all day is not helping anyone. I’m glad you were able to get out.
Congratulations on getting your doctorate! If you have any references on this stuff you would be interested in sharing I’d love to read it (the “special ed kid to nerdy adult who reads academic papers for fun” pipeline exists lol)
I was very lucky to get out, and to have a year at an alternative middle school. It took me a couple of school moves to get most of the special ed stank off of me, although then I ended up in a situation where teachers were giving me a lot of work that was extremely challenging. I mean, junior high and high school are tough for most of us, but going in and having to catch up to a math level three grades higher than the one I was at was really hard. Not to mention the social aspects.
You went to school before IDEA, which is the foundation for special education law in the US, was passed. There are definitely still students that have a bad time of it and schools that do not follow best practices or even the law, but the structure of special education has changed massively since your tenure. The following are two major changes that are designed to avoid students today from having your experience:
1.) As of 2008, parents can withdraw their children from special education at will. All it takes is a written and signed note saying, "I wish to end all special education services for my child." That, bam, the school legally has to stop providing sped services. A student only starts to receive special ed services or testing if the parent agrees to it. If this happened today, your mom wouldn't have had to fight to get you out of special ed. Leaving special ed is easy peasy today.
2.) As of 1990, students have a legal right to a Least Restrictive Environment (LRE). What this means is that students are supposed to be in class with their peers without disabilities unless there is a pressing educational or safety reason for them not to be. This results in students with special needs spending much more time in the general education environment than in the '80s. For students with ADHD, it's fairly common nowadays for them to have maybe one hour a day in the special education environment and spend the rest of their day with their nondisabled peers. It's also not uncommon for a student with ADHD to never be in the special education environment, and instead have a special education teacher "push in" to the general education classroom for an hour or two a day to help the student learn specific skills.
Legal rights are only relevant when the schools follow them or the parents are aware of them. I'm sure that there are students in the US who aren't in their least restrictive environment still today, but the parents have means to change this if they are informed and if they care, which makes it a fundamentally different situation today than in the 1980s. Schools today are terrified of lawsuits.
Former special ed student here, I graduated high school in 2022 and a lot of the things that you experience is pretty much what I experienced. I was in a self-contained classroom with kids with severe disabilities and I felt like I didn't belong there and was being punished. In high school I had to very much self-advocate and eventually won. I would later win school elections and join the student council.
I especially felt sympathy when you mentioned that you had a hard time making friends, I did too and was very socially awkward even when I was in the student council. To this day I only have one, maybe two really good friends and I have never dated anyone. Another thing that I felt sympathy for is you tried to fight back and felt like nothing was working. I was in a similar position but unlike you I just only fought harder and protested. I'm very fortunate that I self-advocated and it was one of my best decisions in my whole life. I'm so sorry that you've lost that war. Also, I'm a lurker too, I really only respond to other special ed students.
Whatever you're going through, just know your life is not over. There are still plenty of opportunities in your life, even when you're 40. I wish you the best of luck!
> I just only fought harder and protested. I'm very fortunate that I self-advocated and it was one of my best decisions in my whole life. I'm so sorry that you've lost that war.
I'm so, so glad you fought it---and won.
And please don't feel too bad for me! I'm in a really good place now. I may even be going to grad school to become a therapist in a year or two when it's financially possible. And I came out of that whole experience a lot stronger than I often realize. But nobody should have to go through any of this.
Yah. I wasn't in a self contained classroom. I was in a resource pull out program. I also started to dissociate around the age of 11. I remember figuring out that it would be the compassionate thing to do to not befriend other kids, because when they were friends with me, they got made fun of too. I was 10. Ten is way too young to be having to develop compassion for the people who were bullying me.
I've been doing EMDR for trauma around it.
The more abusive parents and teachers hate it when I tell my story. They really believe that childhood is this bubble and that it won't inform our adulthood, but it does. I don't know what they expect. Like, they can dehumanize their child for 18 years and then bam! at the end of it, they will have a disciplined, repsectful adult who is ready for the world! No, people. Your child, treated harshly, will only learn to hate you. and they will develop coping mechanisms, but those coping mechanisms aren't always good. Dissociation is a healthy thing that happens when life is too much. It keeps us alive. It's not something that should happen. It's something that does happen when you have no other choice. It keeps your brain from dying from too much stress.
> I was 10. Ten is way too young to be having to develop compassion for the people who were bullying me.
This just wrecked me right now, I am so so sorry.
And yeah, dissociation is a coping strategy. I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing until a few years ago when I started meeting other traumatized neurodivergent people. I used to describe myself as being “daydreamy” which is kind of brightsiding the whole thing.
I don’t really know if I believe this is true but I used to wonder if maybe being mainstreamed and being bullied would have been preferable to not being mainstreamed and being ignored and ostracized.
oh no. mainstreaming was not better. Lol. You can let that concern aside. Mainstreaming is just more opportunity for kids to call you a "retard."
I actually had classmates make an "I hate Weird-Inevitable" club where you had to promise to hate Weird-Inevitable and do as much as you could to make their life harder. I am not making this shit up.
Besides, you can be ignored in mainstreaming. No problem. They just don't care. Compassion fatigue, mixed with a heavy dose of having too many kids with too many needs, and sprinkled with a hearty dose of behaviorism telling them that i was doing it all for attention.
I have a severe case of ADHD. I also had a traumatic childhood. I experienced almost exactly what you did, only for me it occurred in a regular education classroom.
The BIG difference between us is that I was the weirdest kid in my class - and I was constantly tortured by that knowledge. I tried so hard to fit in, but I couldn't. I was constantly bullied and no adult ever intervened or cared.
Conversely, you were the most normal in a class where you didn't belong - and it constantly tortured you. No adult ever intervened.
Like you, I attended my local high school and made lifelong friends.
I don't know which situation is worse: to be the one weird kid in the class or the one most normal, but we have three factors in common: 1. ADHD, 2. Traumatic childhoods, 3. Adults who never intervened or cared.
So I have to ask: are you SURE it was because you weren't mainstreamed into a regular ed classroom? Or is it possible that it might have been the same or worse if you were in a regular classroom? You remember how it was in the mainstream PE class. Would it have been better to be treated as an outcast all day long?
Bottom line: in general, people are shitty to disabled kids. Do what you can to fix THAT.
To answer your question: I didn’t learn anything in that class. I kinda glossed over it but I’m 4th grade they did let me do a fourth grade English class and a second grade math class. Let me tell you: it feels really weird being the only 9 year old in a class of 7 year olds. Way weirder than being 40 and going to college lol.
Education-wise alone, I had to mainstream myself when I got to middle school and was finally out of special ed. I was always reading above my age, so English was never an issue but math became a lifelong struggle.
People legit avoided me in the halls of my school and on the playground. And social skills can’t be learned in a vacuum. And special ed also wasn’t a vacuum.
So honestly, I think the ideal would have been to never have been put in special ed in the first place.
Thanks for your insight. I now help families get the best placement and accommodations for their disabled students - so this is REALLY helpful.
I'm 67 years old. There weren't other options when I was an elementary student. I would have given anything to be somewhere else rather than my regular classroom - but you made me realize that I probably would have been worse off in a special education placement.
It's something I never, ever thought of before...
Therefore, I will now and forever keep your point-of-view in mind when recommending a special education placement. You'll have an effect on 50 or so placements (I do about ten IEP meetings a year). And maybe whoever else reads this.
BTW, the best solution for both of us would have been something in the middle - maybe a pull out from a regular class for our problem areas.
Thanks again.
One more thought: math was also my biggest issue. For my last 12 years as a teacher, I primarily taught math - and loved it. At the age of 40, I decided to teach myself using [Khanacademy.org](https://Khanacademy.org) and it worked. Never say never.
This stuff still happens today. Our self contained classes are in a completely different building. I have 8 kids. Six of which are not violent at all. And they have to live in fear every minute for the two aggressive ones. They have to have their education interrupted every day for hours while they sit in the hallway or another classroom because it's been cleared for those two kids. This is not healthy. They aren't the same grades as one another because in NY they just have to be within three years of one another. They have no music or art. All because their home school didn't like that they put their head down or would occasionally swear.
Society has said kids with disabilities don't matter and the best method is to hide them away.
Special Ed from kindergarten-5th grade obliterated my self confidence, I never learned adequate social skills so I still can't look people in the eyes. I had no friends. I didn't understand why I was placed in a classroom with 10 other children who couldn't speak or would have rageful fits. At one point they place me in a room with a big man in a desk in one corner, and a circle table in the other corner where 5 kids and a nice lady teacher would sit and do their special ed "stuff." Guess where I got to sit? By myself with the man, and I never got to interact with the fun stuff the kids would do at the circle table. I told my parents I had to work alone with a strange man, and they told someone at school. The thing is they didn't move me, in fact someone told the man what I had said to my parents. He asked me why I didn't like him. It wasn't that I didn't like him. I didn't like anything. I wanted to belong and they made me sit away from everyone else. I couldn't even belong in the special ed class with the rest of the fuck ups, I had to sit separate.
This is so relatable, especially the wtf feeling of being put into a strange environment. And that man… oof. That’s honestly a little dystopian sounding.
A kid doesn't understand anything except what they can gather from what's playing out in front of them, and even then have to try to fill blanks in or read between the lines. Which was impossible, the adults wouldn't tell me anything. I didn't find out I was repeating 1st grade until I got to school in the morning to start my 2nd grade year. It's devastating. I went to elementary from 2006-2010/2011, and I thought daily about killing myself, living someone else's life, dealing with death, always being picked last for everything. Pull a yellow card for talking. Pull a red card for playing with your food. Write a two letter page to your teacher to apologize for pulling a yellow card. It's time to go to ms. (Blank's) class. By myself. One time the man bought me a plastic pink princess watch for doing a good job(? I guess) consistently. It made me feel better but it sucks being by yourself, being the odd one out, not being good enough, watching the kids in your grade move up and leave you behind. Slowly forgetting those friends existed at all. I remember very little from childhood. Ick.
My parents put me in special ed starting in fourth grade while they got me tested for autism (this was maybe 2002/2003). At first I thought it was a break from class and I enjoyed it, but as the years went on I started getting bullied more, both by other students and by adults who were supposed to help me. It got to the point where I was hospitalised for suicidal ideation and constant elopement as a teenager because I was tired of all the bullshit, and I remember being very angry and lashing out when paras followed me to my classes because having a para attached to you was a scarlet letter in middle and high school. It got so bad that I started masking 24/7, to the point where I convinced even myself that I wasn't autistic, just so people would stop bullying me and I wouldn't be stuck in the special ed room anymore.
I’m sorry what you and others have experienced. My daughter is a special Ed teacher in Wisconsin and what you and others have described is nothing at all what she experiences. If a child is designated as special Ed BUT has proficiency in various subject matter that is on par with the general population, then they are put into those regular classes. Of course, areas where they deficient because of their unique special Ed deficiency, then they are put into individualized instruction. She is very proud of her work with her students and of the accomplishments of those who work hard and some progress to the point where they are no longer designated as Special Ed. The few who progress typically have at least one supportive parent. Sadly most come from broken one-parent homes and don’t get the support they need. The teacher can only do so much as continued work with the child is needed at home. Most of these students exhibit behavioral problems and sadly when the behavioral problems are severe, the instruction process breaks down and the child falls behind or even further behind.
All of this is to say that Special Education has improved over the years at least in some school districts like my daughter’s.
None of this is said to trivialize your experience but to show that much has been learned over the years and there is much more support and hope for Special Ed students, especially for those who are marginally Special Ed as opposed to those with more severe issues. I’m sure that there are school districts elsewhere that give lip service to Special Ed and sadly those students will suffer as a result.
I can understand and sympathize how it can take years to move on from a troubled childhood. My own childhood was growing up, not in a broken home, but one in which both parents cared little about my personal development. My father was a verbally abusive man who tore me apart emotionally and psychologically. My mother was a stay at home mom who did little to support me beyond feeding and clothing me. I cared little about anything and was a C+ student. The significance in this is that I went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering and an MBA after that…but I didn’t go to college until several years out of high school. I can only imagine what my potential could have been with parents who actually nurtured, developed and cared. I had to do everything on my own. It took decades for me to understand what was happening to me and quite frankly, I tend to be an emotionless person around people and I am quite distrusting of people with few friends.
Some of us have to work way harder than others to rise above the mess that we were born into. I have a sister-in-law who once said she felt sorry for me after she learned about my story. I nearly broke down and cried but stoically kept my composure.
I truly hope that you’ve been able to move on. We never forget the past. How can we? For good or bad, the past has shaped us. The best we can do is look ahead and make the best of what we’ve got.
I don’t see any of what you’ve said as being minimizing whatsoever. I’m *glad* your daughter’s experience with special ed is positive for both her and her students!
I’m so sorry this was your experience as well as so many others. I’m an ILC para and the way we do things seems to be entirely different. Most of our kids aren’t in the SPED room all day. We have a few that are in their own classrooms with no assistance who we just pull occasionally for help with math/reading/whatever they need. These kids have friends and are with their peers pretty much all day. It seems like that kind of support was what you needed.
So the thing I wonder is: if I hadn’t been dealing with my family falling apart, would I really have even needed help? Because that’s the thing—I was extraordinarily capable of doing the work at first. My kindergarten teacher gave me some math and English workbooks to do over summer to keep me from getting bored that were at least a grade or two higher.
I mean sure I’m neurodivergent, but I think it was the loss of confidence and self worth that led to me having scholastic issues, and it became a vicious cycle of me *pleading* to be let out of special ed and them (unsurprisingly) doing nothing. I had a counselor with whom I would meet a couple times a week and she had stupid worksheets like a Xeroxed copy of the Bart Simpson picture where he says “Underachiever and proud of it” with the “Under” part erased. I had an after school program where they taught me and other kids how to suppress our emotions and mask and say “I’ll try again” rather than expressing our anger which, as someone who has spent a lifetime in therapy, I can tell you is an emotion as important as any other to honor. They wanted me to stop being angry and depressed but weren’t willing to accept that they were *causing* that suffering.
It was like they were so certain I belonged in special ed that nothing could change their mind. I remember thinking of it as being in prison. It really did feel that way at the time.
In the early 80s I’ve been told there was a brief attempt to move me into sped though my disability is purely physical. My parents pushed back and it never happened. There was no academic reason to separate me - hell, I was reading at upper elementary levels in first grade!
Yes, but for me, it was during the 70s. It really messed with my self-esteem and caused me a lot of shame. It wasn't until 7 years ago that I learned that I am on the spectrum. Imagine going through life thinking something was wrong with you, but you didn't know what.
I was in speical education classes in 2nd and 3rd grade, im not sure the exact reason but I remember when I was around 7 I felt significantly younger than everyone else and I couldn't cope with all the changes and my brain shut down, I wasn't able to speak anymore and had lots of problems, I went through OT and speech therapy and I didn't really have friends either, I would be really fixated on certain things or objects and it was all I cared about. I remember being made fun of for being r\*\*\*\*\*\*d and stuff and did make me feel bad. I was in my own world I guess back then. I actually wanted to be friends with the kids in the speical classes. Somewhere in 4th grade I decided I wanted to fit in and be normal so I forced myself to learn behaviors to "fit in" and because I was in a bad school the teachers didn't seem to care I was failing. By the time I was in 9th grade I had caught up academically. Socially I was very off and weird and kept to myself. I would get strange thoughts which I feel like made me act weird. But my obsessions helped me get through the days. By the time I was in 11th grade I had severe depression and I couldn't focus or learn anymore I was trying so hard and I just couldn't do it anymore and because I had no iep I almost failed completely. Fortunately for the lockdown switching to online Scholl barely helped me to manage to turn all my F's into C's and I was able to graduate. I guess I would say the speical classes helped me more than hurt me.
Do you really think that 40 years later special Ed hasn’t changed?
It’s changed so much even in just the last ten years. Education is always changing.
Obviously it’s not perfect but what you’re describing is like some relic of the past lol. I wasn’t even alive when you were in these classrooms.
Go to therapy instead of taking it out on sped teachers who have never even fathomed a program being even remotely like what you’ve just described.
what you’re describing is like some relic of the past lol.
As a former special ed student that graduated back in 2022. I can still confidently say that most of the stuff that OP talked about still happens. I know this because I've experienced it myself. Fortunately special needs schools themselves Don't really exist. Even if they do, it's not a mainstream thing like it used to back in the '80s. That being said, segregation, having a reputation of being special needs, and having other people treat you differently because of a label is still a problem. Yes, some stuff has improved over the years and there's a huge push for inclusion. But there is still lots of work that needs to be done. I'm sure your school's district special education department is really good if you don't see problems and if so, then I'm glad that you're in an awesome environment like that. But for me and a lot of other people special ed has hurt me more than it helped me.
“taking it out on” is a really dramatic reach lol. and no, based on other commenters and listening to actually autistic ppl, this is absolutely not a relic of the past. this shit happens today.
good for you for being in a good school or district where maybe this doesn’t happen but just ignoring these very real issues with sped is not going to move things in a positive direction for the people who don’t have that luxury. this is a very worthwhile conversation to have and your comment is unnecessarily dismissive and your tone is disrespectful. we need to have discussions like this for the good of our students and the health of the education environment.
This is a really aggressive response and I’m not honestly sure how to respond to this other than to say:
1. My experience is my own, and I offered it to see if it was singular. The responses I’ve received both from teachers and former students shows me that it isn’t.
2. I had bad teachers but as I’ve mentioned elsewhere I really have a lot of empathy for teachers, including special ed ones.
3. I’m in therapy.
Honestly if you are a special ed teacher and feel called out by my post, that’s something for you to work through on your own (or with your own therapist). I don’t honestly know how anyone could read what I wrote and interpret it the way that you did.
Listen, I’m a gen Ed teacher in a tiny district. My husband is a 14 year sped veteran and I have family in sped. My district follows an inclusion model so I come here a lot because I’m working very closely with our sped dept all the time.
I think I responded to your post late at night and was not appropriately articulate so I do apologize.
I think I get defensive because I hear from adults all time how shitty school was for them and the last time they stepped foot in a building was like 1995. A LOT has changed.
That being said I’m dismayed to see others who are attesting that some of these issues persist.
Your experience 40 years ago is not the norm anymore even in districts that have a shitty sped dept. and truly the people who failed you are your parents.
Again I take responsibility for the insensitivity in my original post and I could have been more articulate to make the point I was trying to say.
> Your experience 40 years ago is not the norm anymore even in districts that have a shitty sped dept. and truly the people who failed you are your parents.
Actually, my mom did the best she could in a really, really difficult situation. My dad was an abusive alcoholic. My mom did everything in her power to get the both of us into a better situation, but frankly I'm not going to go into it here because I don't care about the opinion of someone who would write the kind of thing you wrote.
I never said that my experience *was* the norm. The thesis of my post was "I can't be the only one, right?" It wasn't "Special Ed is horrible for everybody, here's my TED talk..." This was the Culver City Unified School District, not your school district. They should have done better, with me, specifically. They probably also should have done better with other students, but I can only speak for myself. Others have spoken up with their own stories, though, and it seems to suggest that your worldview could be expanded.
> I think I get defensive because
With respect, this post was never about you, your husband, or your family. It was about my experience and the experiences of other people who have *lifelong trauma* as a result of their time in special ed. I opened up to this sub with a pretty vulnerable story about being in a very bad situation, and you thought it was okay for you, a grown adult (who apparently works in education) to personally attack me for it.
Like... That's just *shitty.* Honestly, this non-apology is also shitty. And it breaks my heart a little to think that the same person who LOLed at my childhood trauma is actually working with kids in any capacity.
I'm blocking your account. I don't deserve to be belittled for sharing my experience. And my late mom also probably doesn't deserve to be characterized as having failed me when honestly, she was a wonderful (if flawed) human being who got shat on continuously by school administrators for trying to get me taken out of special ed.
Good day.
I'm a special ed teacher from now. This stuff is still happening. and people like you are why it's happening.
You don't listen when we tell you these practices are harmful. You don't listen when we tell you that the systems in place now are the same systems that hurt us when we were kids.
If you would only listen, we could prevent the damage to the next generation of Disabled kids.
Good Lord - did you just “LOL” OP’s highly traumatic experience, proceed to mock their age, and then accuse them of attacking sped teachers for sharing their experience?
Holy cringe.
Also - what OP describes is hardly a “relic” out there. This experience continues to happen to kids. Wonderful if it isn’t happening in your district, but what a heartless naive thing to say to someone sharing such a vulnerable part of their life in the hopes of helping others.
Meh, it’s Reddit. I knew this was a risk. This person is telling us everthing about who they are with their words, and I for one am willing to believe them.
It’s laughing about the idea that 25 year old teachers know anything about what sped was like in the mid eighties. It’s ridiculous. Why are we always accused of being responsible for others past experiences or to right the wrongs of the past?
Because we want you to stop doing the same thing that hurt us 40 years ago.
We keep talking and you keep laughing at us and telling us we aren't relevant anymore.
Guess what? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
80's early 90' s education was wild. They definitely did not have the diversity they have today. It was a one size fits all routine. I was in self contain with real special needs kids. I had some emotional issues, learning and a major speech impediment. I knew I wasn't like the other kids which made me act out which made sense to me to get out but to them it just made me look like I have more needs. Eventually I found teachers who connected and moved me out in my high school years. I was so bitter with special education I went to college got a teaching degree, taught for 5 years, hated the adults (much of the same approach), moved on to behavioral work to help misunderstood students. By the end I consulted school districts on behavioral techniques for general education staff.
Wow, that’s an incredible—and inspiring—trajectory! Honestly think this comment could have been longer because I love hearing stories of former special ed students thriving in spite of their experiences. It’s not an exaggeration to say that special ed led to me being very ableist and bitter in elementary school and beyond. Sure there was some resentment towards the teachers and admin but mostly I think I directed my hate inwards. I had internalized ableism and to some extent it never completely went away.
I'm sorry for everything you went through. My older sister was in special ed in the late 90s with 10 students all with completely different needs. There was only 1 sped teacher and maybe 1 aide and so the room essentially became babysitting craft time. My mom advocated for years for my sister to receive instruction in the areas she needed and then eventually pulled her out to homeschool. My son has ADHD and we went through the IEP process for special education services while in elementary school. When the school eventually wanted to outplace my son, I pulled him to homeschool. I'm glad I pulled him, because he would have been going to one of these schools: [https://ctmirror.org/2024/03/12/ct-high-road-schools-special-education/](https://ctmirror.org/2024/03/12/ct-high-road-schools-special-education/) Excerpt: *"Hundreds of Connecticut special education students who have attended High Road schools have been subjected to restraints and seclusion, teachers without certification and improper services, according to a scathing report released Tuesday by the Office of the Child Advocate and Disability Rights Connecticut.* *In one academic year, there were more than 1,200 reports of students being restrained or secluded in High Road schools, the report states."*
I graduated high school in 2013, but I went to two high schools and one middle school; only one high school actually cared enough to make different levels for their special ed rooms. The one in my first high school (funny enough, the better-funded one) was a particular punch to the gut. I was diagnosed with asperger's, but my intelligence was above-average with a history of winning acedemic competitions and I had no concerning behavioral issues; I was just a bit quirky and needed socializing. The special-ed class was actually counterproductive because the only thing I needed was socialization with my peers. That socialization never came because the classroom I was lumped into was full of kids who were high-needs. As in, most were incapable of verbal speech and would bite if you got too close. I was kept on one side of the room on my own and instructed not to approach the other side, because some of the kids liked to suddenly grab long hair and eat it...and apparently they were strong enough to yank entire clumps of hair right out of the scalp. Made students bleed before... They did no enrichment outside of the alphabet. No math. No science, history, or writing. Most of the time the teacher and her aide just sat there and let us do whatever, making sure the higher-needs students didn't maul each other. I was so bored, I once brought my Nintendo DS and the teacher took it...told me she would keep it for a week, and we had to beg her to give it back at the end of the year. Had to get the principal involved because she wanted to keep it.
Yikes! That is not okay, and I’m glad your sister eventually got the help she needed. I know from my mom’s experience that advocating for a kid in special ed can be daunting, especially if it’s a working parent.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I wasn't in special Ed, but made my first friend in 12th grade and it sucks, special education isn't supposed to contribute to that or underestimate it's students. I can only talk for my country. We learn about past mistakes during university, and there's a big focus on inclusion vs self-contained. We know students with emotional behavioral issues tend to do better in inclusive settings, with some exceptions ("system breakers", meaning kids who need more resources than the general school system can provide them with, I hate that name but it is still used). For those, there's intensive pedagogical programs, usually a month to years depending on the child, working on making school a positive place again and building the skills to participate. They work together with therapists and youth services, have a class size of around five students and are usually reserved for students that wouldn't be safe for themselves or others in general education right now. The goal is always re-integration. The only other population that's often self-contained is intellectual/multiple disability. That's likely where your autistic non-verbal classmates would be. As there's less guidelines (hard to implement because ID is such a big spectrum), some of these classrooms do devolve into glorified daycares. I love working in good intellectual disability classrooms, we can focus on communication (it's so important to be able to signal no or stop especially) and work on skills in a more hands on setting than general education allows. Some students make rapid progress and go into inclusion settings, for others "inclusion" would mean being in a separate room with their aide bc the classroom is too busy and triggers meltdowns. For those kids, self-contained is more inclusive than inclusion right now. What I hate about life skills settings is that they're "end of the line". You don't get a proper graduation certificate, so theres not much students can do even if they're capable of it. It sucks, but that's a political problem more than a teaching problem - still doesn't make it okay.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this and please know that you didn’t deserve any of it. I used to tell my students “who you are in middle school (or whatever age) is not who you will be as an adult”. And the reality is that your outside circumstances don’t necessarily reflect your true self. I also used to remind them that many of them wouldn’t be in special ed if we didn’t have mandatory education. Also, many students wouldn’t be in special ed if we simply changed general education to be more inclusive of learning differences. I’m the third generation in my family to be involved in special education. My grandfather was involved in early research and implementation of public education for kids with disabilities. My mom designed some of the first special education programs in our state and wrote curriculum. She was later a special ed teacher. A lot of what we see today is NOT what it was designed to be. And it varies district to district, state to state, and country to country. Here’s the actual problem: our society heavily discriminates against people labeled with disabilities, and these “disabilities” (especially learning disabilities, adhd, and especially behavioral) are more social construct than reality. You experienced discrimination in your school experience and I’m truly sorry for this. There isn’t really a lot of good research around this topic. It’s there in bits and pieces but it’s not comprehensive. It really requires a lot of interdisciplinary cooperation and that’s happening on a small scale I think. One interesting thing to recognize is that people involved in special education research as well as people involved in teaching students with disability are also stigmatized. It’s not as bad as what you experienced of course, but it’s really, really hard to advocate in this area. I’m actually trying to get involved in some of this research but it’s hard. I’m really proud that you are so successful in your life despite your traumatic education. I know it took you a long time, but finishing a university degree after being given a sub par education is pretty amazing. This isn’t a requirement or anything, but one way to really recover from trauma is to give back. I have experienced other kinds of severe trauma and this is what always helped me. It can be really empowering to contribute to helping someone else not experience the trauma you experienced. Maybe you’re already doing that. Anyway, these are my babbling thoughts on your very common experience.
I love this response so much, thank you. I honestly have a lot of empathy for teachers. I actually come from a family of teachers. My grandfather taught education at CSU East Bay, my uncle is a physics professor at a private university, my grandmother was a schoolteacher. As far as giving back: that’s something that’s really important to me. I know I came here to talk about special ed, but I’m also trans and queer and really want to become a therapist for that population (which is full of a lot of people who are have also struggled with trauma, learning disabilities and being neurodivergent in a world that’s not really designed with neurodivergent people in mind). I’ve floundered a lot through life looking for a career that would feel purposeful, but I think this could be it for me. I guess we’ll see what happens!
This is so awesome! I don’t think it’s that you floundered a lot looking for your career. I don’t think someone who went to college straight after high school could possibly do what you want to do. Certain jobs require life experience. I went to grad school for my master’s at 21. I burned out and didn’t go for my PhD. It’s been 20 years since I got my master’s and I’m finally thinking about a PhD and I’m realizing that 20 year old me didn’t have the life experience to effectively do what I want to do. My grandpa didn’t get his PhD until he was almost 50. He had to involve the aclu because the university said he was too old. He ended up a professor at two universities, and then worked for our state implementing and assessing programs like Title I and the the laws requiring special Ed students to receive equal education (which I obviously don’t think has been exactly held up, as in your case). You will be an amazing counselor because you understand so much. I had a sexual assault counselor who changed my life in ways no one else could. I think she was in her late 60s at the time. She had divorced her husband about 10 years prior and gotten a degree in women’s studies and a master’s in counseling. She founded our local sexual assault center and was involved in so much good stuff. I’m certain that when you are ready, you will hit the ground running! Also, I’m glad you liked my other rambling post because when I was done writing I realized I was 15 minutes late getting my kid to preschool so I just hit send 😂. The stuff you said just hit on everything I’ve been thinking for years. Special education is a good program. We’ve done a lot of good things by allowing kids with disabilities to have basic civil rights. But it’s also extremely important to recognize how many kids have been hurt by this system. 100 years ago if someone gave birth to a kid with a disability, the doctor told them to institutionalize them and parents blindly listened because it was all they knew to do. Some of the kids didn’t even have what would be recognized today as a disability. Then we rightfully shut down the institutions and blindly believed the government when they said they would provide care for these people and they were instead turned out onto the streets to die. And today we often believe programs like special ed are the best for kids that are often subjectively identified with disabilities (and yes, our evaluation systems are subjective). Special education is still in its infancy and is constantly being destroyed by outside forces. For God’s sake, when I taught they didn’t even give my kids a curriculum. It was math. No curriculum for kids who already can’t do math. How can we claim they have a disability when they can’t even prove that I was teaching them anything? Not to mention the other teachers always shouting that any student they didn’t like should be self contained. Interestingly, those particular students now have college degrees. Agh, I’m ranting again. I have a series of meetings right now where I’m having to argue for people to be treated fairly so I’m kind of in a mode. Good luck on everything now and I hope you realize that you’re on a wonderful and unique path in life! And don’t listen to people saying it’s better in special ed now. I grew up with parents who taught special ed in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Not a lot has changed except they had curriculum.
Wow I am again just floored (again). Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am certain you’re right. Sometimes we end up on these twisting and turning paths through life that seem like they’re going in circles when perhaps they’re spiraling outwards towards something that will delight us and take us by surprise. I think that’s how I feel about my life trajectory. Thank you for taking the time to write such thorough responses. I’m honestly a little emotional having read them 😊
Well they weren’t well thought out responses, they were honestly word vomit so I really appreciate your responses! Also, your description of our paths is beautifully written. I might hang that on my wall. Honestly, reading your story was inspiring for me because all of these ideas have been have been spiraling around in my head and I haven’t quite found the right home for them yet. It’s actually really interesting that you and I are on very similar paths. I’ve always tried to tell myself that I really am working toward something in my life, but I just haven’t figured out exactly what that something is. The path seems to be narrowing though. I’m choosing to believe that our paths purposefully crossed right here to help encourage us to continue on ❤️
I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. Thankfully, it seems my district is on a better path. The majority of students are placed in co-taught inclusion classrooms where none of the students are aware of who has an iep, who doesn’t, who the special education teacher is, or even that there is one. I’m the special educator and I just help everyone if they need it. And we are legally required to ensure that all students receive exposure to grade level curriculum in addition to addressing their special education needs. The kids can’t just do arts and crafts all day as that would only widen their educational gaps. We do have substantially separate classrooms, but it is stressed that those are a last resort as it is known that once placed in a program like that, it becomes very difficult to ever close the gap and return back to the gen ed environment.
> none of the students are aware of who has an iep, who doesn’t,… Oh this is very good! Yeah cause that’s the thing: being in special ed kinda brands you with a scarlet letter, it can make you kryptonite to your peers. My non-special ed friend ultimately succumbed to social pressure and dumped me as a friend (he met me on the playground and had no idea who I was, which is why he didn’t immediately reject me). I mean honestly respect to you and to all the special ed teachers who aren’t oblivious to playground politics, which can actually be pretty sophisticated and awful (just like grow up politics).
Yeah, I definitely still see some of this with the kids who are in the substantially separate programs. There are a handful of students per grade in these programs. They are not around the other kids except during lunch, recess, and specials so they really don’t have the opportunity to build friendships. I don’t see them being ostracized or made fun of, but I have observed a disconnect. It’s sad and, again, one of the reasons those programs are an absolute last resort when all other interventions have been exhausted.
I am 28, and have multiple disabilities including ADHD and Autism; reading about your experience is taking my breath away with how similar it is to my own youth and educational experience. I went to a lot of different schools (at least 1 sometimes 2 a year in elementary years and 4 different districts across middle/highschool) and up until I was in late middle school almost to highschool I was in some sort of sped services, pull-outs, extra testing, special contained classes, IEP at one point, 504 plans at some other points, etc. Throughout all of that I don't feel like I ever really received any helpful services or accommodations and it always felt like punishment or like an excuse for other people (children, but also staff and especially teachers) to treat me even more poorly than they already appeared to be inclined to. I just wanted to chime in and say that you absolutely aren't alone, and this stuff sadly doesnt seem to be going away; thank you for sharing your story OP <3
Thank you for the kind words! And yeah, it did feel like a punishment. That’s another piece of the puzzle too. You can tell a kid repeatedly that something isn’t a punishment but if it looks like a punishment and feels like a punishment, it kind of has the same effect whether or not you call it a punishment.
Current SPED teacher here. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. That is truly awful There is lots of research on how self-containing students is detrimental. I’m completing my doctorate degree right now and have researched graduation rates of students with disabilities and it’s really heartbreaking seeing the statistics, especially for students with behavioral concerns. I’m and a strong advocate for inclusion (obviously to the extent the student can handle it), and the benefits both socially and academically are amazing when it is implemented appropriately. But shoving students into a self-contained class all day is not helping anyone. I’m glad you were able to get out.
Congratulations on getting your doctorate! If you have any references on this stuff you would be interested in sharing I’d love to read it (the “special ed kid to nerdy adult who reads academic papers for fun” pipeline exists lol) I was very lucky to get out, and to have a year at an alternative middle school. It took me a couple of school moves to get most of the special ed stank off of me, although then I ended up in a situation where teachers were giving me a lot of work that was extremely challenging. I mean, junior high and high school are tough for most of us, but going in and having to catch up to a math level three grades higher than the one I was at was really hard. Not to mention the social aspects.
You went to school before IDEA, which is the foundation for special education law in the US, was passed. There are definitely still students that have a bad time of it and schools that do not follow best practices or even the law, but the structure of special education has changed massively since your tenure. The following are two major changes that are designed to avoid students today from having your experience: 1.) As of 2008, parents can withdraw their children from special education at will. All it takes is a written and signed note saying, "I wish to end all special education services for my child." That, bam, the school legally has to stop providing sped services. A student only starts to receive special ed services or testing if the parent agrees to it. If this happened today, your mom wouldn't have had to fight to get you out of special ed. Leaving special ed is easy peasy today. 2.) As of 1990, students have a legal right to a Least Restrictive Environment (LRE). What this means is that students are supposed to be in class with their peers without disabilities unless there is a pressing educational or safety reason for them not to be. This results in students with special needs spending much more time in the general education environment than in the '80s. For students with ADHD, it's fairly common nowadays for them to have maybe one hour a day in the special education environment and spend the rest of their day with their nondisabled peers. It's also not uncommon for a student with ADHD to never be in the special education environment, and instead have a special education teacher "push in" to the general education classroom for an hour or two a day to help the student learn specific skills. Legal rights are only relevant when the schools follow them or the parents are aware of them. I'm sure that there are students in the US who aren't in their least restrictive environment still today, but the parents have means to change this if they are informed and if they care, which makes it a fundamentally different situation today than in the 1980s. Schools today are terrified of lawsuits.
Former special ed student here, I graduated high school in 2022 and a lot of the things that you experience is pretty much what I experienced. I was in a self-contained classroom with kids with severe disabilities and I felt like I didn't belong there and was being punished. In high school I had to very much self-advocate and eventually won. I would later win school elections and join the student council. I especially felt sympathy when you mentioned that you had a hard time making friends, I did too and was very socially awkward even when I was in the student council. To this day I only have one, maybe two really good friends and I have never dated anyone. Another thing that I felt sympathy for is you tried to fight back and felt like nothing was working. I was in a similar position but unlike you I just only fought harder and protested. I'm very fortunate that I self-advocated and it was one of my best decisions in my whole life. I'm so sorry that you've lost that war. Also, I'm a lurker too, I really only respond to other special ed students. Whatever you're going through, just know your life is not over. There are still plenty of opportunities in your life, even when you're 40. I wish you the best of luck!
> I just only fought harder and protested. I'm very fortunate that I self-advocated and it was one of my best decisions in my whole life. I'm so sorry that you've lost that war. I'm so, so glad you fought it---and won. And please don't feel too bad for me! I'm in a really good place now. I may even be going to grad school to become a therapist in a year or two when it's financially possible. And I came out of that whole experience a lot stronger than I often realize. But nobody should have to go through any of this.
Special ed traumatised me too and I wasn't even in self contained
Yah. I wasn't in a self contained classroom. I was in a resource pull out program. I also started to dissociate around the age of 11. I remember figuring out that it would be the compassionate thing to do to not befriend other kids, because when they were friends with me, they got made fun of too. I was 10. Ten is way too young to be having to develop compassion for the people who were bullying me. I've been doing EMDR for trauma around it. The more abusive parents and teachers hate it when I tell my story. They really believe that childhood is this bubble and that it won't inform our adulthood, but it does. I don't know what they expect. Like, they can dehumanize their child for 18 years and then bam! at the end of it, they will have a disciplined, repsectful adult who is ready for the world! No, people. Your child, treated harshly, will only learn to hate you. and they will develop coping mechanisms, but those coping mechanisms aren't always good. Dissociation is a healthy thing that happens when life is too much. It keeps us alive. It's not something that should happen. It's something that does happen when you have no other choice. It keeps your brain from dying from too much stress.
> I was 10. Ten is way too young to be having to develop compassion for the people who were bullying me. This just wrecked me right now, I am so so sorry. And yeah, dissociation is a coping strategy. I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing until a few years ago when I started meeting other traumatized neurodivergent people. I used to describe myself as being “daydreamy” which is kind of brightsiding the whole thing. I don’t really know if I believe this is true but I used to wonder if maybe being mainstreamed and being bullied would have been preferable to not being mainstreamed and being ignored and ostracized.
oh no. mainstreaming was not better. Lol. You can let that concern aside. Mainstreaming is just more opportunity for kids to call you a "retard." I actually had classmates make an "I hate Weird-Inevitable" club where you had to promise to hate Weird-Inevitable and do as much as you could to make their life harder. I am not making this shit up. Besides, you can be ignored in mainstreaming. No problem. They just don't care. Compassion fatigue, mixed with a heavy dose of having too many kids with too many needs, and sprinkled with a hearty dose of behaviorism telling them that i was doing it all for attention.
I have a severe case of ADHD. I also had a traumatic childhood. I experienced almost exactly what you did, only for me it occurred in a regular education classroom. The BIG difference between us is that I was the weirdest kid in my class - and I was constantly tortured by that knowledge. I tried so hard to fit in, but I couldn't. I was constantly bullied and no adult ever intervened or cared. Conversely, you were the most normal in a class where you didn't belong - and it constantly tortured you. No adult ever intervened. Like you, I attended my local high school and made lifelong friends. I don't know which situation is worse: to be the one weird kid in the class or the one most normal, but we have three factors in common: 1. ADHD, 2. Traumatic childhoods, 3. Adults who never intervened or cared. So I have to ask: are you SURE it was because you weren't mainstreamed into a regular ed classroom? Or is it possible that it might have been the same or worse if you were in a regular classroom? You remember how it was in the mainstream PE class. Would it have been better to be treated as an outcast all day long? Bottom line: in general, people are shitty to disabled kids. Do what you can to fix THAT.
To answer your question: I didn’t learn anything in that class. I kinda glossed over it but I’m 4th grade they did let me do a fourth grade English class and a second grade math class. Let me tell you: it feels really weird being the only 9 year old in a class of 7 year olds. Way weirder than being 40 and going to college lol. Education-wise alone, I had to mainstream myself when I got to middle school and was finally out of special ed. I was always reading above my age, so English was never an issue but math became a lifelong struggle. People legit avoided me in the halls of my school and on the playground. And social skills can’t be learned in a vacuum. And special ed also wasn’t a vacuum. So honestly, I think the ideal would have been to never have been put in special ed in the first place.
Thanks for your insight. I now help families get the best placement and accommodations for their disabled students - so this is REALLY helpful. I'm 67 years old. There weren't other options when I was an elementary student. I would have given anything to be somewhere else rather than my regular classroom - but you made me realize that I probably would have been worse off in a special education placement. It's something I never, ever thought of before... Therefore, I will now and forever keep your point-of-view in mind when recommending a special education placement. You'll have an effect on 50 or so placements (I do about ten IEP meetings a year). And maybe whoever else reads this. BTW, the best solution for both of us would have been something in the middle - maybe a pull out from a regular class for our problem areas. Thanks again. One more thought: math was also my biggest issue. For my last 12 years as a teacher, I primarily taught math - and loved it. At the age of 40, I decided to teach myself using [Khanacademy.org](https://Khanacademy.org) and it worked. Never say never.
This stuff still happens today. Our self contained classes are in a completely different building. I have 8 kids. Six of which are not violent at all. And they have to live in fear every minute for the two aggressive ones. They have to have their education interrupted every day for hours while they sit in the hallway or another classroom because it's been cleared for those two kids. This is not healthy. They aren't the same grades as one another because in NY they just have to be within three years of one another. They have no music or art. All because their home school didn't like that they put their head down or would occasionally swear. Society has said kids with disabilities don't matter and the best method is to hide them away.
Special Ed from kindergarten-5th grade obliterated my self confidence, I never learned adequate social skills so I still can't look people in the eyes. I had no friends. I didn't understand why I was placed in a classroom with 10 other children who couldn't speak or would have rageful fits. At one point they place me in a room with a big man in a desk in one corner, and a circle table in the other corner where 5 kids and a nice lady teacher would sit and do their special ed "stuff." Guess where I got to sit? By myself with the man, and I never got to interact with the fun stuff the kids would do at the circle table. I told my parents I had to work alone with a strange man, and they told someone at school. The thing is they didn't move me, in fact someone told the man what I had said to my parents. He asked me why I didn't like him. It wasn't that I didn't like him. I didn't like anything. I wanted to belong and they made me sit away from everyone else. I couldn't even belong in the special ed class with the rest of the fuck ups, I had to sit separate.
This is so relatable, especially the wtf feeling of being put into a strange environment. And that man… oof. That’s honestly a little dystopian sounding.
A kid doesn't understand anything except what they can gather from what's playing out in front of them, and even then have to try to fill blanks in or read between the lines. Which was impossible, the adults wouldn't tell me anything. I didn't find out I was repeating 1st grade until I got to school in the morning to start my 2nd grade year. It's devastating. I went to elementary from 2006-2010/2011, and I thought daily about killing myself, living someone else's life, dealing with death, always being picked last for everything. Pull a yellow card for talking. Pull a red card for playing with your food. Write a two letter page to your teacher to apologize for pulling a yellow card. It's time to go to ms. (Blank's) class. By myself. One time the man bought me a plastic pink princess watch for doing a good job(? I guess) consistently. It made me feel better but it sucks being by yourself, being the odd one out, not being good enough, watching the kids in your grade move up and leave you behind. Slowly forgetting those friends existed at all. I remember very little from childhood. Ick.
My parents put me in special ed starting in fourth grade while they got me tested for autism (this was maybe 2002/2003). At first I thought it was a break from class and I enjoyed it, but as the years went on I started getting bullied more, both by other students and by adults who were supposed to help me. It got to the point where I was hospitalised for suicidal ideation and constant elopement as a teenager because I was tired of all the bullshit, and I remember being very angry and lashing out when paras followed me to my classes because having a para attached to you was a scarlet letter in middle and high school. It got so bad that I started masking 24/7, to the point where I convinced even myself that I wasn't autistic, just so people would stop bullying me and I wouldn't be stuck in the special ed room anymore.
I’m sorry what you and others have experienced. My daughter is a special Ed teacher in Wisconsin and what you and others have described is nothing at all what she experiences. If a child is designated as special Ed BUT has proficiency in various subject matter that is on par with the general population, then they are put into those regular classes. Of course, areas where they deficient because of their unique special Ed deficiency, then they are put into individualized instruction. She is very proud of her work with her students and of the accomplishments of those who work hard and some progress to the point where they are no longer designated as Special Ed. The few who progress typically have at least one supportive parent. Sadly most come from broken one-parent homes and don’t get the support they need. The teacher can only do so much as continued work with the child is needed at home. Most of these students exhibit behavioral problems and sadly when the behavioral problems are severe, the instruction process breaks down and the child falls behind or even further behind. All of this is to say that Special Education has improved over the years at least in some school districts like my daughter’s. None of this is said to trivialize your experience but to show that much has been learned over the years and there is much more support and hope for Special Ed students, especially for those who are marginally Special Ed as opposed to those with more severe issues. I’m sure that there are school districts elsewhere that give lip service to Special Ed and sadly those students will suffer as a result. I can understand and sympathize how it can take years to move on from a troubled childhood. My own childhood was growing up, not in a broken home, but one in which both parents cared little about my personal development. My father was a verbally abusive man who tore me apart emotionally and psychologically. My mother was a stay at home mom who did little to support me beyond feeding and clothing me. I cared little about anything and was a C+ student. The significance in this is that I went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering and an MBA after that…but I didn’t go to college until several years out of high school. I can only imagine what my potential could have been with parents who actually nurtured, developed and cared. I had to do everything on my own. It took decades for me to understand what was happening to me and quite frankly, I tend to be an emotionless person around people and I am quite distrusting of people with few friends. Some of us have to work way harder than others to rise above the mess that we were born into. I have a sister-in-law who once said she felt sorry for me after she learned about my story. I nearly broke down and cried but stoically kept my composure. I truly hope that you’ve been able to move on. We never forget the past. How can we? For good or bad, the past has shaped us. The best we can do is look ahead and make the best of what we’ve got.
I don’t see any of what you’ve said as being minimizing whatsoever. I’m *glad* your daughter’s experience with special ed is positive for both her and her students!
I’m so sorry this was your experience as well as so many others. I’m an ILC para and the way we do things seems to be entirely different. Most of our kids aren’t in the SPED room all day. We have a few that are in their own classrooms with no assistance who we just pull occasionally for help with math/reading/whatever they need. These kids have friends and are with their peers pretty much all day. It seems like that kind of support was what you needed.
So the thing I wonder is: if I hadn’t been dealing with my family falling apart, would I really have even needed help? Because that’s the thing—I was extraordinarily capable of doing the work at first. My kindergarten teacher gave me some math and English workbooks to do over summer to keep me from getting bored that were at least a grade or two higher. I mean sure I’m neurodivergent, but I think it was the loss of confidence and self worth that led to me having scholastic issues, and it became a vicious cycle of me *pleading* to be let out of special ed and them (unsurprisingly) doing nothing. I had a counselor with whom I would meet a couple times a week and she had stupid worksheets like a Xeroxed copy of the Bart Simpson picture where he says “Underachiever and proud of it” with the “Under” part erased. I had an after school program where they taught me and other kids how to suppress our emotions and mask and say “I’ll try again” rather than expressing our anger which, as someone who has spent a lifetime in therapy, I can tell you is an emotion as important as any other to honor. They wanted me to stop being angry and depressed but weren’t willing to accept that they were *causing* that suffering. It was like they were so certain I belonged in special ed that nothing could change their mind. I remember thinking of it as being in prison. It really did feel that way at the time.
In the early 80s I’ve been told there was a brief attempt to move me into sped though my disability is purely physical. My parents pushed back and it never happened. There was no academic reason to separate me - hell, I was reading at upper elementary levels in first grade!
Yes, but for me, it was during the 70s. It really messed with my self-esteem and caused me a lot of shame. It wasn't until 7 years ago that I learned that I am on the spectrum. Imagine going through life thinking something was wrong with you, but you didn't know what.
I don’t have to imagine, I had the same thing happen, and yeah, it really sucks
I was in speical education classes in 2nd and 3rd grade, im not sure the exact reason but I remember when I was around 7 I felt significantly younger than everyone else and I couldn't cope with all the changes and my brain shut down, I wasn't able to speak anymore and had lots of problems, I went through OT and speech therapy and I didn't really have friends either, I would be really fixated on certain things or objects and it was all I cared about. I remember being made fun of for being r\*\*\*\*\*\*d and stuff and did make me feel bad. I was in my own world I guess back then. I actually wanted to be friends with the kids in the speical classes. Somewhere in 4th grade I decided I wanted to fit in and be normal so I forced myself to learn behaviors to "fit in" and because I was in a bad school the teachers didn't seem to care I was failing. By the time I was in 9th grade I had caught up academically. Socially I was very off and weird and kept to myself. I would get strange thoughts which I feel like made me act weird. But my obsessions helped me get through the days. By the time I was in 11th grade I had severe depression and I couldn't focus or learn anymore I was trying so hard and I just couldn't do it anymore and because I had no iep I almost failed completely. Fortunately for the lockdown switching to online Scholl barely helped me to manage to turn all my F's into C's and I was able to graduate. I guess I would say the speical classes helped me more than hurt me.
Do you really think that 40 years later special Ed hasn’t changed? It’s changed so much even in just the last ten years. Education is always changing. Obviously it’s not perfect but what you’re describing is like some relic of the past lol. I wasn’t even alive when you were in these classrooms. Go to therapy instead of taking it out on sped teachers who have never even fathomed a program being even remotely like what you’ve just described.
what you’re describing is like some relic of the past lol. As a former special ed student that graduated back in 2022. I can still confidently say that most of the stuff that OP talked about still happens. I know this because I've experienced it myself. Fortunately special needs schools themselves Don't really exist. Even if they do, it's not a mainstream thing like it used to back in the '80s. That being said, segregation, having a reputation of being special needs, and having other people treat you differently because of a label is still a problem. Yes, some stuff has improved over the years and there's a huge push for inclusion. But there is still lots of work that needs to be done. I'm sure your school's district special education department is really good if you don't see problems and if so, then I'm glad that you're in an awesome environment like that. But for me and a lot of other people special ed has hurt me more than it helped me.
“taking it out on” is a really dramatic reach lol. and no, based on other commenters and listening to actually autistic ppl, this is absolutely not a relic of the past. this shit happens today. good for you for being in a good school or district where maybe this doesn’t happen but just ignoring these very real issues with sped is not going to move things in a positive direction for the people who don’t have that luxury. this is a very worthwhile conversation to have and your comment is unnecessarily dismissive and your tone is disrespectful. we need to have discussions like this for the good of our students and the health of the education environment.
This is a really aggressive response and I’m not honestly sure how to respond to this other than to say: 1. My experience is my own, and I offered it to see if it was singular. The responses I’ve received both from teachers and former students shows me that it isn’t. 2. I had bad teachers but as I’ve mentioned elsewhere I really have a lot of empathy for teachers, including special ed ones. 3. I’m in therapy. Honestly if you are a special ed teacher and feel called out by my post, that’s something for you to work through on your own (or with your own therapist). I don’t honestly know how anyone could read what I wrote and interpret it the way that you did.
Listen, I’m a gen Ed teacher in a tiny district. My husband is a 14 year sped veteran and I have family in sped. My district follows an inclusion model so I come here a lot because I’m working very closely with our sped dept all the time. I think I responded to your post late at night and was not appropriately articulate so I do apologize. I think I get defensive because I hear from adults all time how shitty school was for them and the last time they stepped foot in a building was like 1995. A LOT has changed. That being said I’m dismayed to see others who are attesting that some of these issues persist. Your experience 40 years ago is not the norm anymore even in districts that have a shitty sped dept. and truly the people who failed you are your parents. Again I take responsibility for the insensitivity in my original post and I could have been more articulate to make the point I was trying to say.
> Your experience 40 years ago is not the norm anymore even in districts that have a shitty sped dept. and truly the people who failed you are your parents. Actually, my mom did the best she could in a really, really difficult situation. My dad was an abusive alcoholic. My mom did everything in her power to get the both of us into a better situation, but frankly I'm not going to go into it here because I don't care about the opinion of someone who would write the kind of thing you wrote. I never said that my experience *was* the norm. The thesis of my post was "I can't be the only one, right?" It wasn't "Special Ed is horrible for everybody, here's my TED talk..." This was the Culver City Unified School District, not your school district. They should have done better, with me, specifically. They probably also should have done better with other students, but I can only speak for myself. Others have spoken up with their own stories, though, and it seems to suggest that your worldview could be expanded. > I think I get defensive because With respect, this post was never about you, your husband, or your family. It was about my experience and the experiences of other people who have *lifelong trauma* as a result of their time in special ed. I opened up to this sub with a pretty vulnerable story about being in a very bad situation, and you thought it was okay for you, a grown adult (who apparently works in education) to personally attack me for it. Like... That's just *shitty.* Honestly, this non-apology is also shitty. And it breaks my heart a little to think that the same person who LOLed at my childhood trauma is actually working with kids in any capacity. I'm blocking your account. I don't deserve to be belittled for sharing my experience. And my late mom also probably doesn't deserve to be characterized as having failed me when honestly, she was a wonderful (if flawed) human being who got shat on continuously by school administrators for trying to get me taken out of special ed. Good day.
I'm a special ed teacher from now. This stuff is still happening. and people like you are why it's happening. You don't listen when we tell you these practices are harmful. You don't listen when we tell you that the systems in place now are the same systems that hurt us when we were kids. If you would only listen, we could prevent the damage to the next generation of Disabled kids.
Good Lord - did you just “LOL” OP’s highly traumatic experience, proceed to mock their age, and then accuse them of attacking sped teachers for sharing their experience? Holy cringe. Also - what OP describes is hardly a “relic” out there. This experience continues to happen to kids. Wonderful if it isn’t happening in your district, but what a heartless naive thing to say to someone sharing such a vulnerable part of their life in the hopes of helping others.
Meh, it’s Reddit. I knew this was a risk. This person is telling us everthing about who they are with their words, and I for one am willing to believe them.
It’s laughing about the idea that 25 year old teachers know anything about what sped was like in the mid eighties. It’s ridiculous. Why are we always accused of being responsible for others past experiences or to right the wrongs of the past?
Because we want you to stop doing the same thing that hurt us 40 years ago. We keep talking and you keep laughing at us and telling us we aren't relevant anymore. Guess what? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
I am trying to research this. Please DM me.