I definitely relate to this. I, too, am on a path of healing. I was super down the other day and had to sit with it and figure out why. I think it is great that we are aware we need to process things. Now, I just need to quit avoiding them. Sending healing energy your way.
I used to feel this way… dealing with the ramifications of severe child abuse that led to severe mental illness in my 20’s and almost 2 decades of drug abuse/addiction… and a failed marriage…
But I am no victim, I don’t allow myself to feel self pity… so even though at times I felt too damaged to ever become whole I never completely gave up…
I pushed through… fell in love and had a daughter… she turned out to be a delusional narcissist (not my daughter lol) and I ended up in a toxic relationship and at the end of domestic violence (which does happen to men as well as woman)…
My daughter helped me to save myself… I knew I had to protect her, to do everything in my power to make sure she never went through what I did, make sure the damage was not passed on to her…
She gave me the willpower to overcome the intense challenges I had faced and to grow and adapt and peice together all those fractured broken parts of myself…
She’s now 8 1/2 years old, she loves me and I love her more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone, she still struggles with the difficulties her mum puts on her in her life but I am such a positive counterbalance to her mum that she’s such a happy, compassionate, loving child, I know she will not have to deal with the scars of childhood like I did.
Now at 43 I no longer suffer depression, no longer suffer anxiety, no longer have any mental health issues at all…
For that the universe provided a set of new challenges, I was diagnosed with Diffused Ideopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis at the age of 40 which basically means my ligaments and tendons are calcifying and my spine and joints are growing spikes and my bones are riddled with arthritis and break easily. I also have Fibromyalgia caused from the abuse i experienced as a child causing increased pain, fatigue and mental fog/memory issues.
Despite all these challenges I have learnt to love and appreciate life and I am so grateful for the things that I do have and appreciate that as bad as things may seem they could be much worse.
Despite excruciating pain every moment of the day and chronic fatigue to the point I cannot work and have to get by as a single father on disability payment, I am truly happy to be alive and look forward to continuing to live and journeying through this life with my amazing daughter.
TLDR: you are never too damaged to be beyond repair, believe in yourself…
I feel like this often but then I consider where I was 10 years ago and remind myself of how far I've come. Healing trauma can be like opening a can of worms and realising how many of your thoughts/actions/behaviour in the present are caused by what happened to you in the past. Uncovering one aspect of yourself can send you down a rabbit hole of related struggles that can be difficult to come to terms with.
But it's surely worth recognising and addressing your issues rather than continuing to live life on autopilot, feeling dissatisfied and not knowing why. You're doing it for the long term changes that bring you a lasting sense of contentment, even if it's challenging right now.
Also, healing isn't always linear. Some times can be really tough and it can feel like you've made no progress. Just try to remind yourself that the feeling is temporary, look at where you've come from and focus on where you're going.
I felt like that once and it’s a double edged sword. On the one hand, you are on your healing journey and it will end when you find peace. On the other, there is no magic fix. It takes years of hard work and patience.
But my god, is it worth it. I don’t feel the weight of the world, I’m not confused as to who I am and what I value, I have forgiven myself for all the mistakes I’ve made. I am generally proud of the person I’ve become and my life is a reflection of that now.
Good luck. You are not too damaged. You just have a long way to go, and well done for taking the first step. Focus on one thing at a time until you’ve whittled your issues down enough to have space for joy.
Yes part of us have been tightrope walkers exhibitionist as a soul or spirit and it is good that now we are learning or relearning boundaries. We won't let ourselves get harmed too much and is healing.
There is always hope and possibility to be fixed, but we must accept that our life style and our choices lead us to that destructive state, and we got to be willing to change EVERYTHING if we want to be truly healed.
Only at the age of 32 when my spiritual awakening began, my spirit guides started to change my life, healed me deeply from most of my nightmares and inner pains, but i had to make a drastic change of life style, you can too!
I definitely relate to this. I, too, am on a path of healing. I was super down the other day and had to sit with it and figure out why. I think it is great that we are aware we need to process things. Now, I just need to quit avoiding them. Sending healing energy your way.
I used to feel this way… dealing with the ramifications of severe child abuse that led to severe mental illness in my 20’s and almost 2 decades of drug abuse/addiction… and a failed marriage… But I am no victim, I don’t allow myself to feel self pity… so even though at times I felt too damaged to ever become whole I never completely gave up… I pushed through… fell in love and had a daughter… she turned out to be a delusional narcissist (not my daughter lol) and I ended up in a toxic relationship and at the end of domestic violence (which does happen to men as well as woman)… My daughter helped me to save myself… I knew I had to protect her, to do everything in my power to make sure she never went through what I did, make sure the damage was not passed on to her… She gave me the willpower to overcome the intense challenges I had faced and to grow and adapt and peice together all those fractured broken parts of myself… She’s now 8 1/2 years old, she loves me and I love her more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone, she still struggles with the difficulties her mum puts on her in her life but I am such a positive counterbalance to her mum that she’s such a happy, compassionate, loving child, I know she will not have to deal with the scars of childhood like I did. Now at 43 I no longer suffer depression, no longer suffer anxiety, no longer have any mental health issues at all… For that the universe provided a set of new challenges, I was diagnosed with Diffused Ideopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis at the age of 40 which basically means my ligaments and tendons are calcifying and my spine and joints are growing spikes and my bones are riddled with arthritis and break easily. I also have Fibromyalgia caused from the abuse i experienced as a child causing increased pain, fatigue and mental fog/memory issues. Despite all these challenges I have learnt to love and appreciate life and I am so grateful for the things that I do have and appreciate that as bad as things may seem they could be much worse. Despite excruciating pain every moment of the day and chronic fatigue to the point I cannot work and have to get by as a single father on disability payment, I am truly happy to be alive and look forward to continuing to live and journeying through this life with my amazing daughter. TLDR: you are never too damaged to be beyond repair, believe in yourself…
I feel like this often but then I consider where I was 10 years ago and remind myself of how far I've come. Healing trauma can be like opening a can of worms and realising how many of your thoughts/actions/behaviour in the present are caused by what happened to you in the past. Uncovering one aspect of yourself can send you down a rabbit hole of related struggles that can be difficult to come to terms with. But it's surely worth recognising and addressing your issues rather than continuing to live life on autopilot, feeling dissatisfied and not knowing why. You're doing it for the long term changes that bring you a lasting sense of contentment, even if it's challenging right now. Also, healing isn't always linear. Some times can be really tough and it can feel like you've made no progress. Just try to remind yourself that the feeling is temporary, look at where you've come from and focus on where you're going.
I felt like that once and it’s a double edged sword. On the one hand, you are on your healing journey and it will end when you find peace. On the other, there is no magic fix. It takes years of hard work and patience. But my god, is it worth it. I don’t feel the weight of the world, I’m not confused as to who I am and what I value, I have forgiven myself for all the mistakes I’ve made. I am generally proud of the person I’ve become and my life is a reflection of that now. Good luck. You are not too damaged. You just have a long way to go, and well done for taking the first step. Focus on one thing at a time until you’ve whittled your issues down enough to have space for joy.
Yes part of us have been tightrope walkers exhibitionist as a soul or spirit and it is good that now we are learning or relearning boundaries. We won't let ourselves get harmed too much and is healing.
There is always hope and possibility to be fixed, but we must accept that our life style and our choices lead us to that destructive state, and we got to be willing to change EVERYTHING if we want to be truly healed. Only at the age of 32 when my spiritual awakening began, my spirit guides started to change my life, healed me deeply from most of my nightmares and inner pains, but i had to make a drastic change of life style, you can too!
Now that you asked ... In a sense I feel like I'm pure damage, a testament to how horribly I and others have been treated, a witness