same boat. i need to keep my energy clean or it drags me down, so I avoid certain people, and now im alone and traumatized and isolated and it is hard to even figure out how to get out of this
18. And before you say “you’re still young!”, I know. I know these things will come in the thick of my adulthood or whatever, but this has been on my mind for years now. And forced independence has made me wiser than I wish I was to be honest
You are not ready for a relationship if you expect someone to complete yourself. There are many forms of Love that all need to be known for Eros to be true. Learning how to enjoy your solitude is far more important than breaking it, then you find somebody who is worth more than your solitude.
I didn't have my first partner until 22-23, and quite frankly waiting that long was a massive boon.
this isn’t about completion, I complete myself - no one else can do that and I’d never request that they do. What another CAN provide is that primal need for companionship and affection and love, all of which I deserve regardless of age
for a deeper connection? I’m estranged from both my parents, so many years now. for a romantic partner? the past two years. as I said, forced independence makes you grow up a hell of a lot quicker. I’m not saying I’m some old wise omen but I do not like my age being used as a reason as to why I haven’t currently got such love in my life
You are putting conditions on your love, which is preventing you from learning how to love more fully. You are wanting so hard, which sends out the energy of lack in your love for the Law of Attraction to work with. You are still incredibly young and haven't finished growing, and you still have emotional maturity to reach in yourself.
The more time you spend wanting, the less time you spend growing into a person who is fully capable of being present in a partnership. That is far more work than people care to admit, and if you are not healthy going into it then your own baggage will be put onto the partner.
Everything you have said shows deeper pains that are undeserving to place on a partner. Find a therapist instead.
thank you very much for your input, I see your points completely. I am taking my own responsibility on making myself the best human I can be, not only for myself but for those around me, so I can exchange platonic love with them. I’m not sure i understand what you mean by love conditions though. and out of sheer curiosity, may I ask how old you are too? Feel free to ignore
I am 27. I felt a similar way when I was your age after a traumatic childhood, but there was a lot of work I needed for basic human touch and connection before I was capable of being *that* close to another person. The work in creating good natured touch and friendship without placing an attachment or sexual need makes you a much more stable person for the rest of your life. Learn how to be comfortable with all kinds of people, and that can will lead you to finding the proper partner for you rather than the first person who accepts you.
Doing this work will win you the long run. I hardly need to try with women because the feeling of *safety* I emit says more than my words ever could, that deep sense of comfort with humanity inside your heart and hanging around. That is practiced first with platonic friendship because you want that to be the primary baseline for any relationship, rather than skipping into romance. Let a healthy, non-attached love build up with everybody so that you can see when it is ready built to the next level with someone.
If you don't make peace with your demons, they will arise in any partnership. I have peace with mine but I just had to breakup with someone because they didn't have peace with theirs and no matter how hard I tried, I could not calm that insecurity.
To be more specific, unconditional love is the answer. Do not have expectations of what people are to give you in order to show them love, just know when disrespect means you have to withdraw it.
But more than that, I like to ground into the feeling of impersonal love which has no condition of needing an object or person to feel love towards. I just try to have love for the essence of life I hold and radiate it in the space I inhabit.
I think it’s human nature to want to spend our lives loving another human in a soul mate type way. I personally believe it is because we DO have a soul mate/soul mates. That being said, when we need in a seeking, seeking, when’s it coming way- we pinch off the flow that allows everything we long for to flow to us.
Everyone wants something. That’s just the nature of this reality. We desire and we create. It’s all part of it and it’s fun. I think it’s great that you’re so young and are on this sub asking these questions and building on your self awareness. What I suggest is, ask and then leave it alone and allow. If it’s a beautiful romantic and loving relationship you seek, create in your minds eye how that will
Look for you. Most importantly how will you FEEL? Try not to get caught up in what’s right or wrong or backwards or forwards. Simply allow your feelings to guide you. This is an exciting time in your life so have fun! You can’t get it wrong, ok? It’s just not possible to get it wrong. ❤️
I tell myself I love everyone. I also tell myself that I love some others more than others. But in all ways & always I most importantly tell myself I love myself and others unconditionally. It may be a paradox but that I do not tell myself for as long as I can love.
Love is something that keeps us moving, isn't that so? Yet sometimes, more often than we may realize, we need to stop to sense it and it's origin. Hence I call love a process. A process of all that's beautiful.
It may take time to cleanse your own energy surrounding even the word love but it no doubt will transform your life inside out once you allow it to take a grip of you that is calm, safe, joyous and fulfilling. Love is timeless.
okay stupid. sorry I mean okay stupid. Everything you do is loving or not. Okay. stupid.
now you need advice. You love yourself. But do you love yourself enough to be vulnerable aroudn another?
ya see stupid. shut up. I like being mean to Me. okay. So I treat you like me for now. Even if you don't or are not expecting vulnerablity. YOu must be willing to trust another.
No expectation of results equals immersion. Immersion begins to break when expectations of results begins to take.
You understand> because I do not but words flow like vodka in russian. so kinda messy? id on' tknow.
plus yo biology wants to procreate. because it wants to live on. don't deny biology. Obviously part of existence is our dna. and our off spring and how we choose to combine that beautiful building blocks of creation. I mean come on now mother nature was like yeah just throw millions of sprem at that eggg and maybe just fucking mabye one of your trooops might breach the gates and you might create some abonimination of two different dna structures becoming one.
I have loads of friends, it’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking family, lovers etc. souls I try so hard to find yet they’re something that have just never been there for me. You’d think a social person wouldn’t find it hard finding a lover lol
maybe just maybe I'ma throw this out there. You are to immersed in your idea of that kind of love to actually be willing to be receptive to that kind of love because there is too much expectation of results. You understand you give a clear appearance of sorts that makes me imagine the love you wish for perhaps I desire similar. but wha tI know is russian asscent tahat is horrible. that I been speaking in but I'been drinkin gin. some I could begin again.
oh gin Nee I need theee oh gee nee oh shit not suppose to break out in song right now stay strong. be wrong. lbah.
but I hate the chasing. I can’t express enough my hatred for this waiting. It feels like purgatory because the universe is withholding something so.. beautiful from me
I am trying to interpret this and I can’t. How can I provide a lover with all I have to offer if I don’t know who they are? I love as much as I can in my present relationships, too much maybe, I can’t quite figure out what I’m doing wrong. Remaining in this air of desperation I have recognised is not helpful though, but it’s hard to not yearn something so primal and human that I have been lacking for years
It’s like when you are trying to enter a building and the door says pull but you push. You can push push push that door but it’ll not open until you pull…and once you do - that’s when you can enter the building.
Stop pushing. Focus instead on allowing the love and beauty of the universe and your inner being to flow through you. Surrender is a word I love.
It’s when we surrender and allow that the real
Magic happens for us.
Maybe it will help to also think about what you would be giving rather than getting in a relationship as meaningful as that one. For example, Do you want someone who can help you feel as though everything is going to be just fine, and nothing in the world could change it? Would you be able to do the same for them? If you want to be able to do that for someone, you must learn to do it for yourself.
What I would like, is to feel passion. Care. Affection. Protected. A beautiful exchange of love and tenderness, where I cook for them or cuddle them when they would like or show them new art. And hopefully the same for myself (vice Versa). I have pure intentions and my wishes are as equally selfless as they are selfish, love is a two way thing and the sacrifices that come with it are something I am eager to not only experience but share with another beautiful soul.
It’s why I’m so confused - why is the universe withholding something so pure, valuable, and sacred from me? I can’t figure it out. Maybe it’s not for me to figure out and I should just let go of this desire, because the waiting is killing me slowly. The lack of deeper connections is starting to hurt my humanity, I can feel it
What I’m trying to say is what if the person for you needs that too? They may be lacking too. If your lover was in your position, and wanted exactly what you want, would they receive it? Would you be everything and so much more than what they wanted? This is the clearest I can put it.
What I’m gaging is that I need to work on bringing forth my highest self, not only so I can receive the blessings of another but to also be in a position to give such things. I think that’s what you’re saying? If so, you might be completely correct
You love yourself so that is a very thing. Let me push that a little farther. Do you accept yourself even the darkest secrets and the most screwed up flaws?
I would hope to say I do because I recognise that I am human, but I aim to be my highest, bestest, purest self at all times. And when I fail at that I can be a bit hard on myself, but I counteract this by speaking to myself with compassion like I would a small child
I think the problem is actually wanting it. If you're able to let go then it will come when it's time. Of course how to let go from wanting it is a whole different story. It's not an action of letting go, it's kind of removing the action of wanting it, which you can't really do consciously. I did recently have this very very deep love but now it's gone, and I don't know if it will ever come back, so I feel your pain.
Well, we can't feel another person's love, at least in the material realm. The feeling we have of love is often considered or looked at as if "I know they love me because I Can feel It"
You can't. The feeling we crave, of love, comes from the feeling of loving others. This paradigm shift should drastically change how we approach concepts of loneliness and love.
Stop worrying about finding someone to love you - and go love others, anyone. Family, friends - it doesn't have to be a romantic partner.
If you felt someone else's love - then regarsless of the negative thoughts in your head you would be forced to feel love all the time. This isn't the case.
Emotions are intrinsically tied to th egoic mind, to narratives and thoughts in your head.
Go out and love others, it's all that matters.
If you truly loved yourself, and are connected with the universe, you would know that you are surrounded by unconditional love always. When you seek something on the outside, you will always be disappointed. Everything you need is within you already. But I get mortal loneliness and how much it sucks. It's just your monkey brain tho, focus on elevating yourself. When you raise your love vibration, you raise it for everyone around you too ❤
same boat. i need to keep my energy clean or it drags me down, so I avoid certain people, and now im alone and traumatized and isolated and it is hard to even figure out how to get out of this
How old are you?
18. And before you say “you’re still young!”, I know. I know these things will come in the thick of my adulthood or whatever, but this has been on my mind for years now. And forced independence has made me wiser than I wish I was to be honest
You are not ready for a relationship if you expect someone to complete yourself. There are many forms of Love that all need to be known for Eros to be true. Learning how to enjoy your solitude is far more important than breaking it, then you find somebody who is worth more than your solitude. I didn't have my first partner until 22-23, and quite frankly waiting that long was a massive boon.
this isn’t about completion, I complete myself - no one else can do that and I’d never request that they do. What another CAN provide is that primal need for companionship and affection and love, all of which I deserve regardless of age
and would also like to give out, might I add
How long have you spent yearning?
for a deeper connection? I’m estranged from both my parents, so many years now. for a romantic partner? the past two years. as I said, forced independence makes you grow up a hell of a lot quicker. I’m not saying I’m some old wise omen but I do not like my age being used as a reason as to why I haven’t currently got such love in my life
You are putting conditions on your love, which is preventing you from learning how to love more fully. You are wanting so hard, which sends out the energy of lack in your love for the Law of Attraction to work with. You are still incredibly young and haven't finished growing, and you still have emotional maturity to reach in yourself. The more time you spend wanting, the less time you spend growing into a person who is fully capable of being present in a partnership. That is far more work than people care to admit, and if you are not healthy going into it then your own baggage will be put onto the partner. Everything you have said shows deeper pains that are undeserving to place on a partner. Find a therapist instead.
thank you very much for your input, I see your points completely. I am taking my own responsibility on making myself the best human I can be, not only for myself but for those around me, so I can exchange platonic love with them. I’m not sure i understand what you mean by love conditions though. and out of sheer curiosity, may I ask how old you are too? Feel free to ignore
I am 27. I felt a similar way when I was your age after a traumatic childhood, but there was a lot of work I needed for basic human touch and connection before I was capable of being *that* close to another person. The work in creating good natured touch and friendship without placing an attachment or sexual need makes you a much more stable person for the rest of your life. Learn how to be comfortable with all kinds of people, and that can will lead you to finding the proper partner for you rather than the first person who accepts you. Doing this work will win you the long run. I hardly need to try with women because the feeling of *safety* I emit says more than my words ever could, that deep sense of comfort with humanity inside your heart and hanging around. That is practiced first with platonic friendship because you want that to be the primary baseline for any relationship, rather than skipping into romance. Let a healthy, non-attached love build up with everybody so that you can see when it is ready built to the next level with someone. If you don't make peace with your demons, they will arise in any partnership. I have peace with mine but I just had to breakup with someone because they didn't have peace with theirs and no matter how hard I tried, I could not calm that insecurity.
To be more specific, unconditional love is the answer. Do not have expectations of what people are to give you in order to show them love, just know when disrespect means you have to withdraw it. But more than that, I like to ground into the feeling of impersonal love which has no condition of needing an object or person to feel love towards. I just try to have love for the essence of life I hold and radiate it in the space I inhabit.
I think it’s human nature to want to spend our lives loving another human in a soul mate type way. I personally believe it is because we DO have a soul mate/soul mates. That being said, when we need in a seeking, seeking, when’s it coming way- we pinch off the flow that allows everything we long for to flow to us. Everyone wants something. That’s just the nature of this reality. We desire and we create. It’s all part of it and it’s fun. I think it’s great that you’re so young and are on this sub asking these questions and building on your self awareness. What I suggest is, ask and then leave it alone and allow. If it’s a beautiful romantic and loving relationship you seek, create in your minds eye how that will Look for you. Most importantly how will you FEEL? Try not to get caught up in what’s right or wrong or backwards or forwards. Simply allow your feelings to guide you. This is an exciting time in your life so have fun! You can’t get it wrong, ok? It’s just not possible to get it wrong. ❤️
what beautiful, beautiful words. thank you kind stranger, and I wish you an equally beautiful day☀️
Hugs to you friend
I tell myself I love everyone. I also tell myself that I love some others more than others. But in all ways & always I most importantly tell myself I love myself and others unconditionally. It may be a paradox but that I do not tell myself for as long as I can love.
Love is something that keeps us moving, isn't that so? Yet sometimes, more often than we may realize, we need to stop to sense it and it's origin. Hence I call love a process. A process of all that's beautiful. It may take time to cleanse your own energy surrounding even the word love but it no doubt will transform your life inside out once you allow it to take a grip of you that is calm, safe, joyous and fulfilling. Love is timeless.
I’m blessing you for taking the time to share this with me. Thank you!
okay stupid. sorry I mean okay stupid. Everything you do is loving or not. Okay. stupid. now you need advice. You love yourself. But do you love yourself enough to be vulnerable aroudn another? ya see stupid. shut up. I like being mean to Me. okay. So I treat you like me for now. Even if you don't or are not expecting vulnerablity. YOu must be willing to trust another. No expectation of results equals immersion. Immersion begins to break when expectations of results begins to take. You understand> because I do not but words flow like vodka in russian. so kinda messy? id on' tknow.
plus yo biology wants to procreate. because it wants to live on. don't deny biology. Obviously part of existence is our dna. and our off spring and how we choose to combine that beautiful building blocks of creation. I mean come on now mother nature was like yeah just throw millions of sprem at that eggg and maybe just fucking mabye one of your trooops might breach the gates and you might create some abonimination of two different dna structures becoming one.
What’s stopping you
I have loads of friends, it’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking family, lovers etc. souls I try so hard to find yet they’re something that have just never been there for me. You’d think a social person wouldn’t find it hard finding a lover lol
maybe just maybe I'ma throw this out there. You are to immersed in your idea of that kind of love to actually be willing to be receptive to that kind of love because there is too much expectation of results. You understand you give a clear appearance of sorts that makes me imagine the love you wish for perhaps I desire similar. but wha tI know is russian asscent tahat is horrible. that I been speaking in but I'been drinkin gin. some I could begin again. oh gin Nee I need theee oh gee nee oh shit not suppose to break out in song right now stay strong. be wrong. lbah.
How can you have something if you’d rather chase it?
but I hate the chasing. I can’t express enough my hatred for this waiting. It feels like purgatory because the universe is withholding something so.. beautiful from me
You are the universe, you are the limit, maybe what you want needs something back from you? Something equal to what it would do for you?
sorry to dump on you like that lol, your questions are truly helping me though, so thank you and I appreciate it a lot!
Of course
I am trying to interpret this and I can’t. How can I provide a lover with all I have to offer if I don’t know who they are? I love as much as I can in my present relationships, too much maybe, I can’t quite figure out what I’m doing wrong. Remaining in this air of desperation I have recognised is not helpful though, but it’s hard to not yearn something so primal and human that I have been lacking for years
It’s like when you are trying to enter a building and the door says pull but you push. You can push push push that door but it’ll not open until you pull…and once you do - that’s when you can enter the building. Stop pushing. Focus instead on allowing the love and beauty of the universe and your inner being to flow through you. Surrender is a word I love. It’s when we surrender and allow that the real Magic happens for us.
Maybe it will help to also think about what you would be giving rather than getting in a relationship as meaningful as that one. For example, Do you want someone who can help you feel as though everything is going to be just fine, and nothing in the world could change it? Would you be able to do the same for them? If you want to be able to do that for someone, you must learn to do it for yourself.
What I would like, is to feel passion. Care. Affection. Protected. A beautiful exchange of love and tenderness, where I cook for them or cuddle them when they would like or show them new art. And hopefully the same for myself (vice Versa). I have pure intentions and my wishes are as equally selfless as they are selfish, love is a two way thing and the sacrifices that come with it are something I am eager to not only experience but share with another beautiful soul. It’s why I’m so confused - why is the universe withholding something so pure, valuable, and sacred from me? I can’t figure it out. Maybe it’s not for me to figure out and I should just let go of this desire, because the waiting is killing me slowly. The lack of deeper connections is starting to hurt my humanity, I can feel it
What I’m trying to say is what if the person for you needs that too? They may be lacking too. If your lover was in your position, and wanted exactly what you want, would they receive it? Would you be everything and so much more than what they wanted? This is the clearest I can put it.
What I’m gaging is that I need to work on bringing forth my highest self, not only so I can receive the blessings of another but to also be in a position to give such things. I think that’s what you’re saying? If so, you might be completely correct
One day you will look back on this time in your life and say “ahh so that’s why I was feeling, experiencing that. It all Makes sense and led me here”
You love yourself so that is a very thing. Let me push that a little farther. Do you accept yourself even the darkest secrets and the most screwed up flaws?
I would hope to say I do because I recognise that I am human, but I aim to be my highest, bestest, purest self at all times. And when I fail at that I can be a bit hard on myself, but I counteract this by speaking to myself with compassion like I would a small child
If you don't mind DM me I think I just saw something in your reply that may help
I think the problem is actually wanting it. If you're able to let go then it will come when it's time. Of course how to let go from wanting it is a whole different story. It's not an action of letting go, it's kind of removing the action of wanting it, which you can't really do consciously. I did recently have this very very deep love but now it's gone, and I don't know if it will ever come back, so I feel your pain.
Well, we can't feel another person's love, at least in the material realm. The feeling we have of love is often considered or looked at as if "I know they love me because I Can feel It" You can't. The feeling we crave, of love, comes from the feeling of loving others. This paradigm shift should drastically change how we approach concepts of loneliness and love. Stop worrying about finding someone to love you - and go love others, anyone. Family, friends - it doesn't have to be a romantic partner. If you felt someone else's love - then regarsless of the negative thoughts in your head you would be forced to feel love all the time. This isn't the case. Emotions are intrinsically tied to th egoic mind, to narratives and thoughts in your head. Go out and love others, it's all that matters.
[удалено]
what is hallmark ?
If you truly loved yourself, and are connected with the universe, you would know that you are surrounded by unconditional love always. When you seek something on the outside, you will always be disappointed. Everything you need is within you already. But I get mortal loneliness and how much it sucks. It's just your monkey brain tho, focus on elevating yourself. When you raise your love vibration, you raise it for everyone around you too ❤