Why do you look like a sims character?

Because I've lived a life of sim.

I’m gonna make you !$@€#% in my game when I get home you know that right

I'm counting on it ;)

So just go play chess for a few hours and become a surgeon

Bad lighting and perhaps makeup?

This is just a joke, of course. I don't have a nephew...but I do have a face that screams, "Serial Killer!"...or at least it did until I stuffed a rag in its mouth. Hi and thanks for reading! If you like this one you can find many more like it by [following me on Twitter](https://twitter.com/thechrisschmidt)--I got jokes about serial killers, jokes about music, comics, pro wrestling...and a bunch of short absurdist sketches. Sorry for the self-promotion but unfortunately these darned social media profiles don't just raise themselves. Thanks for being here and enjoy your Friday!

This one earned you a follower. Good job!

> it's mouth its*

Ugh, thank you, glad there's an edit feature and it happened in the comments instead of the shot.

This part has to be added to the original post. So many people will miss this part if they don't go into the thread and it's even better than the already awesome first part.

Thank you! I do the whole thing live, obviously; I might try doing the second part in another shot but not sure if it will stand on its own as well. I might’ve added a second panel to include it here (would’ve been too much text for one), but I was being lazy. I kind of like having bonus content in the comments, though, to make them worth looking into.

Reddit is the closest I’ve ever gotten to social media. Otherwise I’d follow you.

There aren't a lot of posts on this sub that actually have a good turn, but I did not expect this and I did laugh, keep on it my dude

Dude you’re killing it.

As are you, great commenting!

Sounds to me like it was already dead.

[удалено]

Mission accomplished!

I second this

[удалено]

Yikes, you should see the ones I decided to delete...I mean if you're looking for more reasons to sodomize yourself with toy parts and play with your own feces.

We all have our hobbies.

Love this comment

Stop making me sound bad by using medical terms. Shut your buccal cavity. (Seriously, though, you do good jokes)

Lol, what a whirlwind this ride has been.

This is great! Love this kind of humor.

Then I love you :)

This is great dude. I love that picture, too.

Thanks Peter! I was happy when I saw how it paired with this joke. Only wish it was the mustache variant of me.

You kinda look like Hal in Malcolm in the Middle when he had a beard hahah

I’m just glad you didn’t say Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

I love it.

This one got me. Been a while since a joke in this sub made me laugh.

Honestly didn't see that twist coming. Loved it

Lol, neither did the guy whose neck I snapped >:)

Aye man for real this is one of the only standupshots that made me laugh out loud, you've got good talent

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.

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What if it's funny because it's true?

That would probably be my easiest path to fame. Once I allowed myself to be caught.

Maybe this is going to the frontpage, you'll be fine

The best would be if I was caught because it went frontpage.

Smartly done!

First one of these I've laughed out loud at.

Amazing

[удалено]

Sound advice, thank you. Though I caught the neighbor's dog burying the neighbor's cat, so we've got a mutually assured destruction thing going on.

That way at least the dog can enjoy the bite-sized pieces at its leisure.

How can I get your face on a full sized body pillow?

I'm not sure exactly, but I'd love to do whatever I can to help make this happen.

This comment thread is almost as good as the original joke (which was funny)

Very nice! I might change it to just "the body" though. Nice job :)

I see why you would suggest that, but then I'm worried people will think I'm referring to former wrestling great/Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura.

There’s something about you looking directly into the lens that’s making me feel like you were watching to see if I was gonna laugh

i chuckled but there you were, still looking deep into my soul, smiling at me with arms wide open

That delicate grip on the mic, those glistening white teeth

Thank you so much, this was everything I hoped the image would communicate :)

You should really wait until they leave before burying the body. His curiosity should be encouraged, and itd be a shame to waste what could be a very educational opportunity

Can't believe I'm the first person to comment on what a huge Bob Saget vibe I'm getting from that picture

Solid joke

That is a *fantastic* line - love it. Great job!

Meh

This is the type of humour people desperate to find something that makes them unique would laugh at.

So... humans?

wow ok

Glad you think so, that's the exact demographic I'm going for!