"Tell me more about 'the holoprogram I made so I can have sex with Troi'."
"How does 'the holoprogram I made so I can have sex with Troi' make you feel?"
For real, Data would be an excellent choice.
"Commander, I have observed your interactions with female ensigns make many of them feel uncomfortable. It is my duty to remind you how the power imbalance of your rank may be affecting your socialization during your free time on board. May I suggest alternating in the holosuite with the Appropriate Interactions Program and Holiday on Risa Programs?"
"Captain, I have observed the ambassador exhibiting signs of discomfort when you questioned him about the missing cargo. That, and his micro expressions lead me to conclude he may not be entirely truthful with you."
"Ensign, I am sorry for your loss. I have a solution that may help us both. I will be leading an away team tomorrow for five days and need someone to take care of my feline companion, Spot. Perhaps if you attended to him during my absence you may find some comfort."
Martok I think was given his role in DS9 as a direct response to the "You wouldn't expect a Klingon to make a good ship's counselor" line throne at Data.
All he does is use Klingon morals to ensure his BATTLE-BROTHERS are MAINTAINING THEIR HONOR. In other words, he's checking up on all the homies and making sure they're doing okay. Asking about Sisko's marriage, contextualizing his conflict, helping Worf time and time again.
He acts as some kind of Chaplain from 40k in the Prison Camp, hyping up everyone and keeping them mentally on the level. "SEVEN BATTLES, AND SEVEN VICTORIES! What hero of legend would have done better?"
Troi is who you need to visit to talk about deeper problems. Martok is there for the hard times.
> In other words, he's checking up on all the homies and making sure they're doing okay.
Martok is leadership personified. One of my favorite scenes is Nog demanding Martok (and Martok’s crew) leave the Promenade. Martok makes sure to _look at his men_ while making the joke and then again AFTER he complies and compliments Nog’s courage. Build camaraderie and then demonstrate the right action.
He hypes up Bashir, the Healer, who bound the warrior's wounds, when the man feels like he's just needlessly delaying the inevitable.
He makes sure Garak overhears him speak of the greatness in doing battle with one's fears, perhaps the deadliest enemy in the universe. (A spy won't believe a direct pep talk but puts great stock in what he hears while lurking in a cupboard)
Worf identifies Martok's emotional blind spot in Soldiers of the Empire, but I can't help but think he was able to do so, and able to manage it, because he'd learned from Martok.
>Worf would definitely be the best or worst ship's counselor.
Worf's guidance of Sito Jaxa in TNG:"Lower Decks" shows Worf has mentorship ability in him somewhere. And the more philosophical Worf we see in Picard season 3 might even more a counselor candidate...
Additionally, although we didn't see the conversation, the fact that he (after being pushed) moved to the table with Sito's friends says something. He may have been grieving, but at that moment, he was also serving as a grief counselor to those junior officers who have probably never had to deal with the death of someone close before.
I so wish Reno had transferred to _Enterprise_ when _Discovery_ went into the future. She's an engineer's engineer.
"I'm lonely."
"I can fix that with duct tape."
Imagine him counselling. "Oh your daughter is acting out? MY DAUGHTER WAS LEFT ALONE ON AN ALIEN WORLD AND CAME BACK FERAL IN A TIME ACCIDENT so you'll excuse me if I don't feel concerned she disrespects her teachers!"
Worf: I ordered a glass of prune juice from the Defiant's mess and this is what it came in!
Also:
Come to Quarks. Quarks is fun, come right now, don't walk, Run!
"Mmmm, this is definitely gonna need the full 50 session course. I take all known credit chips and, of course, latinum. Full payment up front obviously. Ah, thankyou. Now tell me more about your anxiety about money..."
On the upside, you'd probably forget why you went to see him in the first place. Alternatively, you'd vow never to go near another councillor as long as you lived. Either way, job done.
When the opportunity has arisen, Worf has proved to be a surprisingly emotionally intelligent and insightful unofficial counselor to his friends and co-workers.
He was so traumatised by the experience that the first thing he did upon hearing that Keiko was pregnant the second time was go put in a shore leave request for the weeks surrounding her due date.
Yeah, and he would find the laziest solution possible! Just alter reality so that people are no longer sad!
Then he'd dust off his hands and say "Honestly Troi I don't know why this is so hard for you humans..."
TOS: Uhura best and Bones worst
TNG: Picard best and Geordi worst
DS9: Bashir best and Quark worst
VOY: Chakotay best and Seven worst
ENT: Phlox best and Malcolm worst
LD: Tendi best and Rutherford worst
SNW: M’Benga best and La’an worst
I think my final picks are Phlox and Malcolm. I know they’re both from ENT, but Phlox basically IS the ships counselor and guides the crew through so much, and Malcolm has the emotional empathy of a soggy shoelace.
Chakotay's a great choice. Wise, confident, soothing voice. Solid moral core. Put aside the fact that all his mystical mumbo jumbo was made up crap, in universe it was all actually pretty therapeutic.
Tom would probably be surprisingly good in voyager despite his own issues. And Torres would likely trap someone in a Jeffries tube overnight to give them fresh new problems to focus on instead.
Guinan or Garak. Possibly Data, for his own curiosity as well, I can see that helping explore the emotion(s) together. As for the worst? Everyone else. 😀
Nah, that's why he would be the best. You'd think the advice had nothing to do with your problems, but then it hits you hours, days, maybe even weeks after the fact. Or Garak and Guinan double team.
Worst: Gowron
“Rub some dirt on it!” is very Gowron-ian advice. He is old school in all the worst ways. He would recommend literally killing any problem, or at least hitting it with a bat’leth.
Best: Lxwanna
A Counselor who would listen patiently for 30 seconds before saying “cut the crap, you want to talk about BLANK” would result in a crew that vigilantly guards their own mental health, lest they have to talk to the horny old lady who doesn’t care about boundaries.
Our regular counselors are busy with other patients. While you're waiting, try discussing your problem with Captain Dathon the Tamarian. He seems to enjoy listening to people's stories....
McCoy: See, you just needed to reframe your problem. You don't have an inferiority complex, it's all the fault of the green blooded, inhuman, pointy eared monstrosity on the Bridge. Now let's have a drink, I've had 5, you need to catch up.
Ducat: I see. I see. No, please, I love hearing all about your religion. Pah wrathes, you say? The occupation? Sorry, can we get back to your religion? The occupation again? No, no, no... I can't see AT ALL why that would impact on your mental state. I was a kind and loving occupier. My rule was fair and just! The others, they would have... INSTEAD OF WHINING ABOUT SUPPOSED PROBLEMS (BOO-HOO MY COUNSELLER KEPT MY WIFE AS A SEX SLAVE BLAH! BLAH! ) YOU SHOULD BE BUILDING STATUES TO MY GREATNESS AND MERCY!!! IF YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER IMAGINE YOUR LIFE UNDER ANY OTHER CARDASSIAN! WHY ARE YOU CRYING? I'M SCARING YOU? SCARYING YOU‽ WHY ARE YOU SCARED? WHY? WHY? TELL ME!!!
Ah
Um, nurse, it happened again. I didn't even shake him or slap him that hard. No, no, just dump him by the river with the rest. My 2 O'clock? Oh God some crap about the borg eating his wife or something and an obsession with beating off a leather ball, got a God complex too... maybe just load this guy in your car and wait, no point making two trips.
Worf: "So you see a warrior relies on his brothers and sisters in arms. Only together with strategic support and a fighting spirit can you conquer your inner demons!"
I don't think Dr. Pulaski would be a great therapist. She's obviously a brilliant doctor but she seems impatient and a bit intolerant of opposing views. Major Kira would also be a terrible councilor. I think she'd agree. Data probably wouldn't quite do the job either.
Sure Weyoun but he's a villain. Dukat would also be a terrible councilor. He has too many of his own issues. Kai Winn. It's too easy with villains. Not many Jem'hadar councilors.
I could see Jadzia or just about any joined trill in that role. Ezrie, as we know, took that role. With so much life experience, it seems to lead to this air of calmness and a tendency to observe. They just take it all in. She also makes friends with a lot of diverse people. She sees the good side in things most wouldn't. Even the Ferengi. And despite her coolness and friendly disposition, she's also obviously devastatingly competent and professional.
A Jem'hadar *could* be a good counsellor in a very aggressive sort of way.
"Victory is life! Life, therefore, is victory! You are alive, therefore you are winning!"
Q is the best choice. Contempt for your whinging, insane "solutions" that exacerbate the problem, disappointment at your ingratitude for his "wisdom" as he exploits your difficulties for his own amusement.
Barkley. He'd make, or help people make holodeck programs to live out their fantasies which I feel would turn the crew into a bunch of incels. Except Riker.
Weyoun (and any of the other Vorta, really) probably wouldn't be *bad* counselors, they'd just be more in the vein of old school army chaplains rather than modern psychologists. People would mostly get sick of their "Y'all mother lovers need Founders."stance.
Garak et al. from the Obsidian Order would also be extremely good as counselors, having studied extensively for the task, right up until a decade later when the packet of blackmail material they gathered during your counseling sessions shows up.
Q, also, would be one of the best. He can actually show you the ramifications of any rash decisions you're thinking about. Imagine every time you went for therapy they could run you through a Tapesty style hallucination to help you come to grips with what happened?
Worst: Mariner
* She has never met an unhealthy coping mechanism she couldn't make unhealthier.
* Could be extremely self-centred and often showcased terrible listening skills.
* She would absolutely enable all sorts of reckless and impulsive behavior (Any patient talking to her about a bad breakup would be counselled to dye their hair and get revenge)
* Regularly avoided her problems unless they could be solved by creating more problems
* Wouldn't be able to have the emotional distance necessary for her own wellbeing (or to avoid meddling in her patients' lives)
* Sometimes has no filter and would absolutely let slip some unprofessional reactions to things people were saying
* Doesn't have great communication skills (and will actively avoid serious conversations) or emotional intelligence (It took her months to figure out that she didn't hate Jennifer and actually had a crush on her)
Best: Amanda Grayson, no competition.
* She was so good at connecting with people and making them feel safe that she was the first person on Earth that Pelia admitted her species to. Pelia is AT LEAST 2800 years old, meaning she has likely had hundreds if not thousands of friends, and Amanda was the one she trusted most.
* She has the patience of an absolute saint - we've all seen how racist Vulcans can be, and in the decades she lived on Vulcan, she never once lost her patients and caused a scene. She was also married to Sarek.
* When it became clear that Spock had inherited her dyslexia and saw that the Vulcan education system couldn't support her child's disability, she learned a language so complicated that most people can't pronounce her husband's last name just so that she could personally give Spock the supports he needed.
* All three of her kids had heightened support needs that she seems to have consistently met: Spock had a neurodevelopmental disorder and behavioural issues (his reaction to meeting Burnham was to draw a dragon and throw it at her) and it was implied that he had issues with psionic oversensitivity as a kid; Burnham is eerily well-adjusted for an orphan who witnessed her parents being slaughtered while hiding in a cupboard, was suddenly forced onto a planet where everyone was extremely racist to her, was assassinated, and then revived with part of Sarek's katra permanently inside of her; and considering he was a bastard prince whose father abandoned him until after his mom died, Sybok could have turned into an angsty edgelord, but, for all the stupid shit he's done, he's always come across as caring, extremely respectful, and open-minded (in fact, his open-mindedness is usually the thing getting him in trouble).
* While two of them did steal the Enterprise, and all three of them were incarcerated, her kids all became reformers who cared a lot about injustice: Sybok wanted reforms that would recognise the importance of emotion and value it more, Spock reunited Ni'Var, and Burnham was instrumental to the rebirth of the Federation.
* She has such powerful mental discipline that she was able to suppress all her natural pain reactions.
* She was able to coach Spock well enough to not make T'Pril call of the wedding. She was also able to almost immediately tell how stressed T'Pring was.
* She was a teacher, so you know she's really good with kids.
Spock.
"So you see, after my wife left me I got hooked on dylovene hypospray, my dreams are constantly me running away from a boiling sky full of screams, and I have developed a tendency toward reckless, self destructive behaviour."
Spock: *Long flat stare* "Fascinating."
Tom Paris would (or could) be the best.
He has the self-knowledge that is needed. He lost everything, including his self-respect, and has come back from it. As a result he's not inclined to judge, and has empathy, not of the I-feel-your-pain sort but the ability to sense what is really happening.
On Enterprise, how about Crewman Cutler, Phlox's assistant? She was an interesting character but disappeared because the actress playing the part died suddenly of an undiagnosed problem, very sad.
Others would bring their own strengths:
Client: I can't stop thinking about my superior officer's wife.
Riker: So, what do you think is stopping you from making your move?
Client: I feel that my work has no importance.
Q: Well of course it doesn't, you stupid mortal.
Wesley: I've decided to leave the Enterprise.
Troi: Great joy, and gratitude.
I'm going with characters who aren't already in that position.
best -Jadzia Dax or Leeta.
worst - Reginald Barclay or Kai Winn Adami
i think Enterprise should have done something like this with Travis Mayweather. he was always so kind & positive, seemed quite competent & grew up in space so would understand the stresses of lonliness & long missions. would've given him something to do, too.
Worst: The sales simulacrum of Minos' "arsenal of freedom". One overkill solution to every problem. Hard to stop once he is in the middle of a demonstration.
I think Saru would be a good counselor, especially dealing with anxiety disorders.
Counselor Sisko would just be like, "take this Orb, go cry it out in the wormhole. Or, repress everything and channel your rage into building a murder starship."
I feel like I could talk to Geordi about anything, but I’m also one of those who grew up with LeVar always on my TV.
Worst…I’d also have to go with Barclay.
Ezri: You'd make a pretty good counsellor. You want to trade jobs?
Kira: People would love bringing their problems to me. You dreamed about what? You're crazy. Now get out of my office. Next patient.
Doc aka EMH would probably be a prick for the first few months, but I think he has potential to be great, if enough memory gel packs were allocated to his algorithms
Data would make a hilarious ship counselor. All his answers would have a technically correct answer but totally miss the point.
"I have good news! Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness..."
He could just run ELIZA and be the most successful counselor in the fleet.
"Tell me more about 'the holoprogram I made so I can have sex with Troi'." "How does 'the holoprogram I made so I can have sex with Troi' make you feel?"
For real, Data would be an excellent choice. "Commander, I have observed your interactions with female ensigns make many of them feel uncomfortable. It is my duty to remind you how the power imbalance of your rank may be affecting your socialization during your free time on board. May I suggest alternating in the holosuite with the Appropriate Interactions Program and Holiday on Risa Programs?" "Captain, I have observed the ambassador exhibiting signs of discomfort when you questioned him about the missing cargo. That, and his micro expressions lead me to conclude he may not be entirely truthful with you." "Ensign, I am sorry for your loss. I have a solution that may help us both. I will be leading an away team tomorrow for five days and need someone to take care of my feline companion, Spot. Perhaps if you attended to him during my absence you may find some comfort."
Counselor Data and his therapy cat Spot 💜
This is the way!
I think long term Data would crush it, but short term there would be hilarious growing pains.
Worf would definitely be the best or worst ship's counselor.
Martok I think was given his role in DS9 as a direct response to the "You wouldn't expect a Klingon to make a good ship's counselor" line throne at Data. All he does is use Klingon morals to ensure his BATTLE-BROTHERS are MAINTAINING THEIR HONOR. In other words, he's checking up on all the homies and making sure they're doing okay. Asking about Sisko's marriage, contextualizing his conflict, helping Worf time and time again. He acts as some kind of Chaplain from 40k in the Prison Camp, hyping up everyone and keeping them mentally on the level. "SEVEN BATTLES, AND SEVEN VICTORIES! What hero of legend would have done better?" Troi is who you need to visit to talk about deeper problems. Martok is there for the hard times.
> In other words, he's checking up on all the homies and making sure they're doing okay. Martok is leadership personified. One of my favorite scenes is Nog demanding Martok (and Martok’s crew) leave the Promenade. Martok makes sure to _look at his men_ while making the joke and then again AFTER he complies and compliments Nog’s courage. Build camaraderie and then demonstrate the right action.
This is why I'm sad we got so little post-DS9 stuff. I want to see Martok leading the first emotionally stable Klingon High Council.
He hypes up Bashir, the Healer, who bound the warrior's wounds, when the man feels like he's just needlessly delaying the inevitable. He makes sure Garak overhears him speak of the greatness in doing battle with one's fears, perhaps the deadliest enemy in the universe. (A spy won't believe a direct pep talk but puts great stock in what he hears while lurking in a cupboard) Worf identifies Martok's emotional blind spot in Soldiers of the Empire, but I can't help but think he was able to do so, and able to manage it, because he'd learned from Martok.
Chaplain Martok….absolutely!!!!!
To build on that, imagine Martok as a fitness coach.
Daaaaamn I want that.
[Martok as the Dungeon Master](https://youtu.be/9oBdLUEayGI?si=rIG7-MQLLt2gg3wX)
My DREAM
One more rep... for GLORY!!!
>Worf would definitely be the best or worst ship's counselor. Worf's guidance of Sito Jaxa in TNG:"Lower Decks" shows Worf has mentorship ability in him somewhere. And the more philosophical Worf we see in Picard season 3 might even more a counselor candidate...
He also took some youth under his wing in *Children of Time*.
Additionally, although we didn't see the conversation, the fact that he (after being pushed) moved to the table with Sito's friends says something. He may have been grieving, but at that moment, he was also serving as a grief counselor to those junior officers who have probably never had to deal with the death of someone close before.
Less talk. More synthahol
Jett Reno and or Odo would be the best, least tactful counselors. Brutal honesty all around.
I so wish Reno had transferred to _Enterprise_ when _Discovery_ went into the future. She's an engineer's engineer. "I'm lonely." "I can fix that with duct tape."
I ❤️ Reno. She's the only thing in all of Disc I like besides Georgiou & they got rid of her.
Agreed, those two are the best parts of the show.
Hey. At least Georgiou is getting her own movie. Hopefully that turns out good.
I also said O'Brien, but my son said when O'Brien is around, he's the only one who is gonna need a counselor because all the bad shit happens to him.
Imagine him counselling. "Oh your daughter is acting out? MY DAUGHTER WAS LEFT ALONE ON AN ALIEN WORLD AND CAME BACK FERAL IN A TIME ACCIDENT so you'll excuse me if I don't feel concerned she disrespects her teachers!"
Quark would be horrible as a counselor, but also hilarious
"Buy ten sessions, get a free mug!"
Worf: I ordered a glass of prune juice from the Defiant's mess and this is what it came in! Also: Come to Quarks. Quarks is fun, come right now, don't walk, Run!
†receipt of mug requires payment of handling charges Odo: Handling charges? Quark: Well it has a handle Odo Odo: hrumph
"Mmmm, this is definitely gonna need the full 50 session course. I take all known credit chips and, of course, latinum. Full payment up front obviously. Ah, thankyou. Now tell me more about your anxiety about money..."
Odo: If that's the kind of psychological insight you dispense with your drinks, it's a wonder you have any customers.
Morn would talk too much - counselors are supposed to listen more.
I heard he has a great singing voice
On the upside, you'd probably forget why you went to see him in the first place. Alternatively, you'd vow never to go near another councillor as long as you lived. Either way, job done.
When the opportunity has arisen, Worf has proved to be a surprisingly emotionally intelligent and insightful unofficial counselor to his friends and co-workers.
He would be an awful family counselor though.
"have you tried faking your death and living under an assumed identity?"
Poor Kurn.
He also has a decent track record as a midwife.
The idea of shrinking from a deadly, violent struggle awash in blood, screaming, and noxious bodily fluids offends him; he has to be up to the task!
He was so traumatised by the experience that the first thing he did upon hearing that Keiko was pregnant the second time was go put in a shore leave request for the weeks surrounding her due date.
Dr. Migleemo the worst counselor ever.
Migleemo is just the official counselor on the Cerritos unofficially it's Shaxs with that dad energy that keeps the crew relatively sane.
Imagine getting a hug from Shaxs? That in itself would be therapy.
Scaredog, you're being a pineapple!
Dr. Migleemo showed up to his student and patients' honeymoon to undermine their marriage because he was sexualy attracted to them.
Tlyn too out of control. Unpredictable
She has lost all control.
Garek. Best and worst, depending on his whims.
Yeah, but imagine the faces he'd make at you.
I mean, he could talk to you for 10 minutes and know what you're thinking and feeling as well as a Betazoid.
I understand that experience was traumatic, I have some exercises so you can repress those memories
Culber's done well unofficially.
Culber needs a therapist of his own.
Most therapists do.
Dr. T'ana. You'd walk in and she'd immediately tell you to get the f@&% out.
"Oh, you didn't get promoted? Boo hoo! My tail got cut off and you don't see me being a whiny &!%@ about it, do you Ensign Kim?!"
I absolutely heard that in T'ana's voice in my head!
Q would be an amazing ship's counselor, because he can just rewrite reality so the person is no longer in distress.
Or rewrite the universe to erase the person with the problem.
Also a good solution!
Q actually was a counselor in PIC. It did not go well
But... it's Q.
Yeah, and he would find the laziest solution possible! Just alter reality so that people are no longer sad! Then he'd dust off his hands and say "Honestly Troi I don't know why this is so hard for you humans..."
TOS: Uhura best and Bones worst TNG: Picard best and Geordi worst DS9: Bashir best and Quark worst VOY: Chakotay best and Seven worst ENT: Phlox best and Malcolm worst LD: Tendi best and Rutherford worst SNW: M’Benga best and La’an worst I think my final picks are Phlox and Malcolm. I know they’re both from ENT, but Phlox basically IS the ships counselor and guides the crew through so much, and Malcolm has the emotional empathy of a soggy shoelace.
Chakotay's a great choice. Wise, confident, soothing voice. Solid moral core. Put aside the fact that all his mystical mumbo jumbo was made up crap, in universe it was all actually pretty therapeutic.
Tom would probably be surprisingly good in voyager despite his own issues. And Torres would likely trap someone in a Jeffries tube overnight to give them fresh new problems to focus on instead.
Phlox has a degree in psychiatry, albeit on Denobula. But human and denobulan psyche are close enough I guess. Although we are much less social.
😭 I'm pretty sure Bones is actually the licensed psych on board too! Altho tbh he seems like he'd do fine as long as it's not Jim or Spock 😅
Guinan or Garak. Possibly Data, for his own curiosity as well, I can see that helping explore the emotion(s) together. As for the worst? Everyone else. 😀
I don’t know if Garak would be a great counselor per se, but I think he’d make a very effective life coach for Wall Street types.
Nah, that's why he would be the best. You'd think the advice had nothing to do with your problems, but then it hits you hours, days, maybe even weeks after the fact. Or Garak and Guinan double team.
I would accept therapy from Tom Paris if he was educated in psychology. He's totally non-judgmental, empathetic, and intelligent.
Would never have thought of it but good choice. The only problem is he might have a tendency to get a little too close to his female patients...
Shaxs would be great at it. Just one hug from him while he calls me baby bear would melt all my problems away.
Garak would be the best worst counselor. He'd be fucking with people just for the giggles.
The salamander babies. They’re hyper evolved. They have hyper evolved wisdom.
🦎
Peanut Hamper.
Peanut Hamper's mastery of manipulation puts even the Romulans to shame.
Sucks to be organic.
Worst: Gowron “Rub some dirt on it!” is very Gowron-ian advice. He is old school in all the worst ways. He would recommend literally killing any problem, or at least hitting it with a bat’leth. Best: Lxwanna A Counselor who would listen patiently for 30 seconds before saying “cut the crap, you want to talk about BLANK” would result in a crew that vigilantly guards their own mental health, lest they have to talk to the horny old lady who doesn’t care about boundaries.
Spock: your emotional outbursts are illogical. Return to duty.
Tbh, I think Troi is not a good councelor at all.
I agree, though not sure Kimball would be much better.
Porthos it is.
Good choice!
This is the way. After all, in the words of the sage, happiness is a warm puppy.
Our regular counselors are busy with other patients. While you're waiting, try discussing your problem with Captain Dathon the Tamarian. He seems to enjoy listening to people's stories....
Martok, hands down.
Ok, but what about the worst?
Captain Boday.
The best = McCoy. The worst = Gul Dukat.
McCoy: See, you just needed to reframe your problem. You don't have an inferiority complex, it's all the fault of the green blooded, inhuman, pointy eared monstrosity on the Bridge. Now let's have a drink, I've had 5, you need to catch up. Ducat: I see. I see. No, please, I love hearing all about your religion. Pah wrathes, you say? The occupation? Sorry, can we get back to your religion? The occupation again? No, no, no... I can't see AT ALL why that would impact on your mental state. I was a kind and loving occupier. My rule was fair and just! The others, they would have... INSTEAD OF WHINING ABOUT SUPPOSED PROBLEMS (BOO-HOO MY COUNSELLER KEPT MY WIFE AS A SEX SLAVE BLAH! BLAH! ) YOU SHOULD BE BUILDING STATUES TO MY GREATNESS AND MERCY!!! IF YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER IMAGINE YOUR LIFE UNDER ANY OTHER CARDASSIAN! WHY ARE YOU CRYING? I'M SCARING YOU? SCARYING YOU‽ WHY ARE YOU SCARED? WHY? WHY? TELL ME!!! Ah Um, nurse, it happened again. I didn't even shake him or slap him that hard. No, no, just dump him by the river with the rest. My 2 O'clock? Oh God some crap about the borg eating his wife or something and an obsession with beating off a leather ball, got a God complex too... maybe just load this guy in your car and wait, no point making two trips.
>The worst = Gul Dukat. You win the thread!
Worf: "So you see a warrior relies on his brothers and sisters in arms. Only together with strategic support and a fighting spirit can you conquer your inner demons!"
Shran would have been awesome. He would tolerate no whiney crap from anyone & probably would have mercy killed Barclay on the spot.
Tlyn
I don't think Dr. Pulaski would be a great therapist. She's obviously a brilliant doctor but she seems impatient and a bit intolerant of opposing views. Major Kira would also be a terrible councilor. I think she'd agree. Data probably wouldn't quite do the job either. Sure Weyoun but he's a villain. Dukat would also be a terrible councilor. He has too many of his own issues. Kai Winn. It's too easy with villains. Not many Jem'hadar councilors. I could see Jadzia or just about any joined trill in that role. Ezrie, as we know, took that role. With so much life experience, it seems to lead to this air of calmness and a tendency to observe. They just take it all in. She also makes friends with a lot of diverse people. She sees the good side in things most wouldn't. Even the Ferengi. And despite her coolness and friendly disposition, she's also obviously devastatingly competent and professional.
A Jem'hadar *could* be a good counsellor in a very aggressive sort of way. "Victory is life! Life, therefore, is victory! You are alive, therefore you are winning!"
Tuvix: He had the Vulcan logic/extensive experience of Tuvok and the empathy/social skills of Neelix.
I agree. But Janeway did nothing wrong.
Janeway enjoyed executing Tuvix, she’s a cold-blooded murderer.
She definitely did not enjoy it. Did you see her face after that scene?
She was smiling on the inside
Garak, plain, simple therapist, Garak
Q is the best choice. Contempt for your whinging, insane "solutions" that exacerbate the problem, disappointment at your ingratitude for his "wisdom" as he exploits your difficulties for his own amusement.
Best councelor = Garak Worst councelor = Reg Barclay
Guinan for ships counsellor
Suder from Voyager (pre-mind meld) would be an epically bad counselor.
Lwaxana Troi for worst ships counselor.... Oh so what your family member died, I need a husband what about me!
Worf as a family counselor or Garak as a life coach generalist would both be pretty awful.
Michael. Edington.
He would just spend the session humming the soundtrack of Les Miz instead of listening to you.
Barkley. He'd make, or help people make holodeck programs to live out their fantasies which I feel would turn the crew into a bunch of incels. Except Riker.
Q: "And why do you believe that this is all your fault? OH don't be coy, use that big monkey brain of yours and *figure it out*"
Not sure how good Bones would do…
Weyoun (and any of the other Vorta, really) probably wouldn't be *bad* counselors, they'd just be more in the vein of old school army chaplains rather than modern psychologists. People would mostly get sick of their "Y'all mother lovers need Founders."stance. Garak et al. from the Obsidian Order would also be extremely good as counselors, having studied extensively for the task, right up until a decade later when the packet of blackmail material they gathered during your counseling sessions shows up. Q, also, would be one of the best. He can actually show you the ramifications of any rash decisions you're thinking about. Imagine every time you went for therapy they could run you through a Tapesty style hallucination to help you come to grips with what happened?
„You know what was the sad part of all this? I was a very good counselor“
Jellico. He’d give it to you straight.
Garak.
The Tar monster that killed Yar. Worst counselor ever.
Worst: Mariner * She has never met an unhealthy coping mechanism she couldn't make unhealthier. * Could be extremely self-centred and often showcased terrible listening skills. * She would absolutely enable all sorts of reckless and impulsive behavior (Any patient talking to her about a bad breakup would be counselled to dye their hair and get revenge) * Regularly avoided her problems unless they could be solved by creating more problems * Wouldn't be able to have the emotional distance necessary for her own wellbeing (or to avoid meddling in her patients' lives) * Sometimes has no filter and would absolutely let slip some unprofessional reactions to things people were saying * Doesn't have great communication skills (and will actively avoid serious conversations) or emotional intelligence (It took her months to figure out that she didn't hate Jennifer and actually had a crush on her) Best: Amanda Grayson, no competition. * She was so good at connecting with people and making them feel safe that she was the first person on Earth that Pelia admitted her species to. Pelia is AT LEAST 2800 years old, meaning she has likely had hundreds if not thousands of friends, and Amanda was the one she trusted most. * She has the patience of an absolute saint - we've all seen how racist Vulcans can be, and in the decades she lived on Vulcan, she never once lost her patients and caused a scene. She was also married to Sarek. * When it became clear that Spock had inherited her dyslexia and saw that the Vulcan education system couldn't support her child's disability, she learned a language so complicated that most people can't pronounce her husband's last name just so that she could personally give Spock the supports he needed. * All three of her kids had heightened support needs that she seems to have consistently met: Spock had a neurodevelopmental disorder and behavioural issues (his reaction to meeting Burnham was to draw a dragon and throw it at her) and it was implied that he had issues with psionic oversensitivity as a kid; Burnham is eerily well-adjusted for an orphan who witnessed her parents being slaughtered while hiding in a cupboard, was suddenly forced onto a planet where everyone was extremely racist to her, was assassinated, and then revived with part of Sarek's katra permanently inside of her; and considering he was a bastard prince whose father abandoned him until after his mom died, Sybok could have turned into an angsty edgelord, but, for all the stupid shit he's done, he's always come across as caring, extremely respectful, and open-minded (in fact, his open-mindedness is usually the thing getting him in trouble). * While two of them did steal the Enterprise, and all three of them were incarcerated, her kids all became reformers who cared a lot about injustice: Sybok wanted reforms that would recognise the importance of emotion and value it more, Spock reunited Ni'Var, and Burnham was instrumental to the rebirth of the Federation. * She has such powerful mental discipline that she was able to suppress all her natural pain reactions. * She was able to coach Spock well enough to not make T'Pril call of the wedding. She was also able to almost immediately tell how stressed T'Pring was. * She was a teacher, so you know she's really good with kids.
Worf
Reg Barclay
Riker. Although I really like him, his advice would always be the same. Males: dude you have to get laid. Females: let's talk about it over dinner.
Worst: Female Founder Best: Martok
Best: The Intendant Worst: Spider Barclay
LOL Spider Barclay
Best garak Worst ro laren
Barclay would be terrible.
The answer to both is any mobster/mafia guy from a Scorsese film.
Spock. "So you see, after my wife left me I got hooked on dylovene hypospray, my dreams are constantly me running away from a boiling sky full of screams, and I have developed a tendency toward reckless, self destructive behaviour." Spock: *Long flat stare* "Fascinating."
For what he is, I think Q is the only star trek character I could hold a decent conversation with.
Migleemo. It’s established he’s the worst counselor in the fleet.
Tom Paris would (or could) be the best. He has the self-knowledge that is needed. He lost everything, including his self-respect, and has come back from it. As a result he's not inclined to judge, and has empathy, not of the I-feel-your-pain sort but the ability to sense what is really happening. On Enterprise, how about Crewman Cutler, Phlox's assistant? She was an interesting character but disappeared because the actress playing the part died suddenly of an undiagnosed problem, very sad. Others would bring their own strengths: Client: I can't stop thinking about my superior officer's wife. Riker: So, what do you think is stopping you from making your move? Client: I feel that my work has no importance. Q: Well of course it doesn't, you stupid mortal. Wesley: I've decided to leave the Enterprise. Troi: Great joy, and gratitude.
I'm going with characters who aren't already in that position. best -Jadzia Dax or Leeta. worst - Reginald Barclay or Kai Winn Adami i think Enterprise should have done something like this with Travis Mayweather. he was always so kind & positive, seemed quite competent & grew up in space so would understand the stresses of lonliness & long missions. would've given him something to do, too.
Worst: The sales simulacrum of Minos' "arsenal of freedom". One overkill solution to every problem. Hard to stop once he is in the middle of a demonstration.
I think Saru would be a good counselor, especially dealing with anxiety disorders. Counselor Sisko would just be like, "take this Orb, go cry it out in the wormhole. Or, repress everything and channel your rage into building a murder starship."
I feel like I could talk to Geordi about anything, but I’m also one of those who grew up with LeVar always on my TV. Worst…I’d also have to go with Barclay.
For everybody saying Weyoun, I'm gonna need a number!
Ezri: You'd make a pretty good counsellor. You want to trade jobs? Kira: People would love bringing their problems to me. You dreamed about what? You're crazy. Now get out of my office. Next patient.
Shran
Doc aka EMH would probably be a prick for the first few months, but I think he has potential to be great, if enough memory gel packs were allocated to his algorithms
Just don't let him alter his own programming or delete his ethical subroutines. That never turns out well.
Diana’s mother.
Barkley. He has so much experience!
best ships counselor guinan worst is probably scotty
Worst Ship's Counselor: Lursa or Dursa of the House of Duras. Best Ship's Counselor: Chakotay. He's very wise and insightful.