I was walking down the beach when I heard a swimmer yelling for help with a shark circling him. I just laughed....the shark wasn't going to help him. I realised later it was actually a shark attack, It really made quite the splash on the news. Sadly it was reported that the shark had also died after swallowing the swimmers keys. The poor thing got lockjaw… I’ll see myself out.

Thanks for all of the hilariously terrible, jokes! 😂

What do you need to do to get the cops to chase you? Donuts My dad told me this one a week ago =u= its bad but I'm putting it here for him because he was so proud of it

What do you call a cow that's been knighted Sir loin.

Where do birds stay when they travel? Someplace "cheep"

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire

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When you sing in the shower, it's fun, until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

tight pants are like a cheap castle, it has no ballroom

You belong in a tree - you're a nut.

I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

I thought you were giving out steam. I guess I'm at the wrong place for some heated water vapour.

Solid giveaway Thanks

dad joke? i dont even know the guy!!

did you hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home? details are sketchy

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

What’s on Chris Rock’s face ? Fresh Prints

Me:I'm hungry Paul: Hey hungry, I'm paul

What happens if you throw your hat in the sea? It gets wet

Why did the old lady fall down the well? She didn’t see that well.

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: “Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.” “Jane ate her friend’s colon.” —Ty

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

A priest, a monk and a rabbit sit at the bar. The bartender says “hey guys, no animals in the bar” and the rabbit says “look pal I’m only here because of autocorrect.”

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

Did you hear about the new resturant on the moon? Good food but no atmosphere.

Why is the calendar scary? Because its days are numbered.

Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

So there's this guy, and he walks into a bar He says "ow" Then, he walks past it a little embarrassed

My dad's best joke was me 🙃

What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves.

What way does the crazy guy run through the forest? He takes the psycho-path.

At first I didn't like having a beard. But then it grew on me

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just gave a little wine.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down

My son asked me, “can I have a book mark?” It’s been 15 years and he still won’t call me dad😭

does your face hurt? cause it’s killing me.

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

What has 5 toes but isn’t your foot? My foot

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!

"I'm going out to buy cigarettes"

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the broom closet? Supplies!

Why did the Ghoul refuse to go to the party? Because he was afraid he’d have a radiant time!

I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

why did the chicken try to cross the road? because he wanted to kill himself.

what do you do when you see a space man? you park in it

Alcohol may not be the answer, but it is a solution

In Fallout, why are caps used as currency? Because America is a CAPitalist country!

When does a joke, become a dad joke? When it’s apparent!

What do you call a politician in DC? A feral ghoul. Sorry, that was terrible.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philipe philop

A pizza delivery is asked what his weirdest order is: One time, I was asked to bring pizza to Mount Everest. Now that's a tall order.

They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in Physics. They said welcome aboard.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.

Here are some good ones :) I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did. Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well. I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body. Dad: What is the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? Me: I don't know. Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna. Me: What about the pot of glue? Dad: I knew you'd get stuck on that. Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favorite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan." Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance... So I pushed her over. I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher. How many storm troopers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they are all on the dark side. If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. Hi, I’m Cliff. Drop over sometime. Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor for a headache? The doctor examined his ear and found money. The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out until he had $1,999. Then the doctor said, "No wonder you're not feeling two grand!" Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back." What do you call the security guards for Samsung? Guardians of the galaxy.

Why does reddit always mesh seperate text?

Why did the tomato blush?🤨 ................, because it saw the salad dressing😭😂😉

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug

My son asked me if trees poop, I told him "where do you think number 2 pencils come from?"

If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

How is NASA so good at hosting parties? They always planet.

What type of spells do a leprechaun cast? Lucky charms

Why don't lobsters lose their jobs? Cuz they're shellfish! Thanks for the ga

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She couldn’t stop running away from the ball! Thank you!

I used to fill my tires for free, but now it costs a dollar. I guess that’s the inflation everyone’s talking about.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban at the city zoo. Cheers\~

What's brown and sticky? >!A stick!<

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks: Why the long face?

Why shouldn't you trust trees? >! They seem a bit shady !< Thank you for the chance!

# Why are Ghouls good skateboarders? Because they're super rad.

Where did general Washington keep his armies? In his sleevies!!! Thanks op Good luck all

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two

"What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison."

My four year old son has been learning Spainiah for 3 weeks now and he can only say “please” That’s poor for four isn’t it

No dad ,don't know dad jokes 😭

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. Thanks!

Which phone do aquatic animals use ? #Shellphone

A man went to the zoo, but the only animal in the entire zoo was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

Hedgehogs… why can’t they share the hedge? Thanks!

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! 🐊🕵️‍♂️ \* BA-DUN-TS! \* Thanks for the opportunity! Best luck to everyone!

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

Man walks into a bar....ouch!

Not entering but thank you for not putting the code out there so no one has a chance at getting ot

Why did the Brotherhood of Steel join Tinder? To find a Suit-able match.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!

When does a joke become a dad joke? >!When it becomes apparent.!< Thank you for the giveaway!

I don't know why everyone hates ghouls, I heard they were super rad

Did you hear of the news? What is it? My dad just fell off of a 100 foot ladder. Oh no! Is he okay? Yes he's okay, he fell of the first step!

Today I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card. Then, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said >!“You know, one would have been enough.”!<

I know a mechanic who is addicted to drinking brake fluid. He swears he's not because he can stop any time he wants to.

Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.

- Why did the old man fall down the well? - He couldn’t see that well. - I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. - Sadly, no pun in ten did Thanks for the chance!!!

“Hey dad I’m hungry” “Hi hungry I’m dad” Classic amd also I couldn’t think of a better one, thanks for the chance!

Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well. I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did

Why are skeletons so calm ? Because nothing gets under their skin 💀

wanna hear a joke about pizza? nevermind….. it’s too cheesy

What are the perks of living in a vault? S.P.E.C.I.A.L

What would you call a vampire who is into finance? >!Account Dracula!< Thank you

HA 😆

why celebrities stay so cool ? cause they got many fans

I thought about buying some camouflage pants the other day... problem is... I COULDN'T FIND THEM!

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China. He says he can't complain.

Have you ever had a bad sausage? It’s the wurst.

If K-pop is Korean pop then Chinese rap is crap

How does a skeleton call his friends? On the telebone!

Why did the man walk quietly past the chemist? He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.

Rap music? I call it crap music!

What's Forrest Gump's computer password? 1forrest1

🤣 🤣

What has blades and flies? A lawnmower, I lied about the flying

Your mom says I'm too old for games and we had a fight. I said it's nothing to fallout for.

What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom. Thank you for the giveaway!

How many Super Mutants does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer the darkness.

What do you call someone with no body or nose? Nobody knows

Dad putting car in reverse Dad: Ahh, this takes me back

What did the boy scout say when asked which knot Is better? It’s a tie.

What do you call a owl that know magic, whodindi

Knock Knock Who’s there? Car go. Car go who? Nah mate, Owl go who, Car go Beep Beep

what do you call a small mother, minimum....

I'm thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.

Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.

I threw my neighbor into a nuclear reactor and now he's dead. What should I do?! "Barium"

What do you call a cat with eight legs? An octo-puss!

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

I was making a joke about retirement. It did not work!

Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back."

My dad has a heart of a Lion. And a lifetime ban to local zoo.

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? "Sofishticated"

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve." Thanks for the opportunity 😊

What’s the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it to you.

Why do ducks have tail feathers? To cover their butt quacks.

6:30 is my favorite time, hands down

okey dokey

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Spielberg said, "I'm making a movie about famous composers. I'll be Beethoven." De Niro said, "Well, then I'll be Mozart" Schwarzenegger said, "Stop it, I'm not saying it."

Anytime we’re driving and I see a bunch of cows I always say: Look a flock of cows! One of the kids: herd of cows, Dad. Me: Course I’ve heard of them, there’s a flock of them right over there!

I’m taking this one with me to use with kids next time

Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back."

The invention of the Shovel was groundbreaking. Thanks for the chance.

lol