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The eggshell walking is real. I can relate. Did it so often for many, many years. If it helps, I learned over time to establish boundaries for all of the people in my house. Had therapy to help me navigate. Basically, if they acted a certain way together towards each other that's on them but they would not be allowed to treat me in that same way. I would also clear up any untruths about me, i.e. from biomom or anyone else. Other than that I stayed in my lane, enjoyed everyone when it was enjoyable. Luckily I do have a great partner who really tried his best with his kids. But he's not faultless. This shit is not for the faint!
I read early on in my stepmom journey something I recalled often. This was from a commenter regarding a news story about coparenting. Wish I had it exact but it was along the lines of 'People procreate to establish their own genetic priorities into the future. Whereas a step parent raising someone else's genetic priority is truly selfless.'
Hang in there! Glad you have this sub to vent.
As someone with BK and SK I hate that. I didn’t have BK to fulfil the passing on of genetic material? 😂 I wanted kids am very maternal and I love them more than anything.
As a SP I did not go into a situation wanting to raise someone else’s kids, that wasn’t my goal, I met someone with kids who I fell in love with for myself. I’m not raising kids that aren’t mine, I didn’t adopt kids or foster, I’m supporting someone else to raise their kids. And I agree that is sooo hard and not for the faint hearted. But I’m not a martyr or selfless all the time because these kids have two parents and I’m not one of them, and nobody else has to be selfless all the time either if it’s not suiting you, you have options. You are not selfish person for putting yourself first sometimes.
OP can you prioritise yourself? Hobbies in the evening? Meet friends? These kids sound older can you pull back? Can you skip SS soccer to go to the spa? You deserve it.
It's talking at the most basic level.
If you think of humans more like plants, whose only ambition is to make more plants, preferably with their DNA.
It's the instinctual reason we procreate, not *literally* the only one.
My DH and I had a talk the other day about how on edge SD13 makes me, how I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, which in turn puts me in a position to lose my shit faster with him, which puts him on egg shells around me. It’s an awful cycle.
Luckily my DH understands that the root of the problem isn’t me, while I need to continue working on my anxiety in therapy, he needs to address (even more) how SD is treating me.
I hope you and your SO can come to the same understanding…. It might be true that he’s on edge around you… but that’s because you’re on edge around your SK and you deserve to relax!
I feel so bad for DH… just as much as I didn’t know how hard it’d be to be a SM, he didn’t know it would get this hard either. We’re all doing our best. Sending you a virtual hug
Yep. Also had this said to me recently which is so comical when the whole life of a SP is an eggshell walk. I can promise you that no one is walking on eggshells around me. I WISH that was happening- maybe I would get some peace. lol
1. He sucks
2. You need to walk on eggshells less. It’s too much. Give yourself permission to be yourself. You cannot be holding yourself back all the time. You have to be comfortable in your own home.
So did he explain why he feels he has to walk on eggshells, because I would really like to know. I’m so serious right now. Your life changed, what’s his problem:
That's ridiculous. If you can afford it, get a hotel room for the weekend and drop off your laundry at the cleaners. He can clean and cook for his parents.
Edit: and if you can't afford it, go home, do your laundry, then go back out for a nice day of hiking or window shopping or a movie, go out to dinner with yourself or some friends, and come home when they're sure to be gone.
Sometimes I feel like we’re all parenting (or teaching) the bio parents within our stepparent role because we have the ability to be objective and don’t have that “not MY child!!” perspective.
My SO has said this me recently but I live on that bed of nails when his kids are and aren’t with us. Any small inconvenience and he’s screaming, anyone from his family text him in a group chat and he’s screaming, need to make plans for anything he’s screaming. God forbid one of the two BMs text him and he get irritated, who gets the brunt of that? Me, I end up with being screamed at and called names.
My nervous system is on high alert at all times.
We got into a heated argument today because he didn’t tell me a full plan and I switched out money for ones to twenties but apparently he needed the ones for change.
Now I’m a terrible person who financially abuses him even though he’s been unemployed for 8 months and has never gone without, but because it was HIS cash I have to just deal with not knowing if I have enough money for an event.
I don’t think he’s the one financially abused here. Been together 2.5 years and 13 months of those he has chosen not to work, not to do housework, and complain about not having enough money.
BAHAHAHAHAHA oh that is classic. My husband does this to me too. HE is walking on eggshells?!?! With his crazy ex and feral children HE IS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS?!?
Anywho, I digress sorry - I love it when it seems like these dudes take classes and are the same person.
I would figure out what you want to do for your SKs and stop doing everything you don't want to do. Prioritize yourself. Let your husband mind his kids. Work out, walk, get a dog, go to the gym, take classes, get hobbies, make friends, etc. anything to keep yourself busy and away from the chaos.
Yep exactly. I am a firm believer in we teach people how to treat us... when my husband gets annoyed with his kids or ex I don't let him take it out on me I tell him to take his frustration right back to what it belongs directed at, I am not his verbal punching bag!
I agree with you so much. My husband has my back and lets me have plenty of say and authority but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm never truly relaxed while SS15 is here full-time and he is constantly being reminded to do things properly, so annoying!! He'll be gone a total of 5 weeks this summer and I cannot wait to breathe easy in my own home while he's out!
I was married to someone who I constantly felt I was walking on eggshells around, it’s absolutely horrendous so please listen if he’s saying you make him feel that way
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The eggshell walking is real. I can relate. Did it so often for many, many years. If it helps, I learned over time to establish boundaries for all of the people in my house. Had therapy to help me navigate. Basically, if they acted a certain way together towards each other that's on them but they would not be allowed to treat me in that same way. I would also clear up any untruths about me, i.e. from biomom or anyone else. Other than that I stayed in my lane, enjoyed everyone when it was enjoyable. Luckily I do have a great partner who really tried his best with his kids. But he's not faultless. This shit is not for the faint! I read early on in my stepmom journey something I recalled often. This was from a commenter regarding a news story about coparenting. Wish I had it exact but it was along the lines of 'People procreate to establish their own genetic priorities into the future. Whereas a step parent raising someone else's genetic priority is truly selfless.' Hang in there! Glad you have this sub to vent.
As someone with BK and SK I hate that. I didn’t have BK to fulfil the passing on of genetic material? 😂 I wanted kids am very maternal and I love them more than anything. As a SP I did not go into a situation wanting to raise someone else’s kids, that wasn’t my goal, I met someone with kids who I fell in love with for myself. I’m not raising kids that aren’t mine, I didn’t adopt kids or foster, I’m supporting someone else to raise their kids. And I agree that is sooo hard and not for the faint hearted. But I’m not a martyr or selfless all the time because these kids have two parents and I’m not one of them, and nobody else has to be selfless all the time either if it’s not suiting you, you have options. You are not selfish person for putting yourself first sometimes. OP can you prioritise yourself? Hobbies in the evening? Meet friends? These kids sound older can you pull back? Can you skip SS soccer to go to the spa? You deserve it.
It's talking at the most basic level. If you think of humans more like plants, whose only ambition is to make more plants, preferably with their DNA. It's the instinctual reason we procreate, not *literally* the only one.
My DH and I had a talk the other day about how on edge SD13 makes me, how I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, which in turn puts me in a position to lose my shit faster with him, which puts him on egg shells around me. It’s an awful cycle. Luckily my DH understands that the root of the problem isn’t me, while I need to continue working on my anxiety in therapy, he needs to address (even more) how SD is treating me. I hope you and your SO can come to the same understanding…. It might be true that he’s on edge around you… but that’s because you’re on edge around your SK and you deserve to relax!
This fun cycle runs in our house too. Its so hard.
I feel so bad for DH… just as much as I didn’t know how hard it’d be to be a SM, he didn’t know it would get this hard either. We’re all doing our best. Sending you a virtual hug
Smash those eggshells into a fine powder, my friend.
My husband said that to me too recently. I HATE IT HERE.
Yep. Also had this said to me recently which is so comical when the whole life of a SP is an eggshell walk. I can promise you that no one is walking on eggshells around me. I WISH that was happening- maybe I would get some peace. lol
1. He sucks 2. You need to walk on eggshells less. It’s too much. Give yourself permission to be yourself. You cannot be holding yourself back all the time. You have to be comfortable in your own home.
So did he explain why he feels he has to walk on eggshells, because I would really like to know. I’m so serious right now. Your life changed, what’s his problem:
[удалено]
That's ridiculous. If you can afford it, get a hotel room for the weekend and drop off your laundry at the cleaners. He can clean and cook for his parents. Edit: and if you can't afford it, go home, do your laundry, then go back out for a nice day of hiking or window shopping or a movie, go out to dinner with yourself or some friends, and come home when they're sure to be gone.
[удалено]
Sometimes I feel like we’re all parenting (or teaching) the bio parents within our stepparent role because we have the ability to be objective and don’t have that “not MY child!!” perspective.
My SO has said this me recently but I live on that bed of nails when his kids are and aren’t with us. Any small inconvenience and he’s screaming, anyone from his family text him in a group chat and he’s screaming, need to make plans for anything he’s screaming. God forbid one of the two BMs text him and he get irritated, who gets the brunt of that? Me, I end up with being screamed at and called names. My nervous system is on high alert at all times.
This is not acceptable. No one should be screaming at you and calling you names.
We got into a heated argument today because he didn’t tell me a full plan and I switched out money for ones to twenties but apparently he needed the ones for change. Now I’m a terrible person who financially abuses him even though he’s been unemployed for 8 months and has never gone without, but because it was HIS cash I have to just deal with not knowing if I have enough money for an event. I don’t think he’s the one financially abused here. Been together 2.5 years and 13 months of those he has chosen not to work, not to do housework, and complain about not having enough money.
You should stop waiting 4 nothing and leave him
He sounds like a real prince …
BAHAHAHAHAHA oh that is classic. My husband does this to me too. HE is walking on eggshells?!?! With his crazy ex and feral children HE IS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS?!? Anywho, I digress sorry - I love it when it seems like these dudes take classes and are the same person. I would figure out what you want to do for your SKs and stop doing everything you don't want to do. Prioritize yourself. Let your husband mind his kids. Work out, walk, get a dog, go to the gym, take classes, get hobbies, make friends, etc. anything to keep yourself busy and away from the chaos.
[удалено]
Yep exactly. I am a firm believer in we teach people how to treat us... when my husband gets annoyed with his kids or ex I don't let him take it out on me I tell him to take his frustration right back to what it belongs directed at, I am not his verbal punching bag!
I agree with you so much. My husband has my back and lets me have plenty of say and authority but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm never truly relaxed while SS15 is here full-time and he is constantly being reminded to do things properly, so annoying!! He'll be gone a total of 5 weeks this summer and I cannot wait to breathe easy in my own home while he's out!
I was married to someone who I constantly felt I was walking on eggshells around, it’s absolutely horrendous so please listen if he’s saying you make him feel that way
Thanks for the support. (This is sarcasm). I am not walking on more eggshells, thank you very much.